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Takua's Brainy Adventures


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6 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Rarity

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Posted Apr 08 2012 - 06:31 PM

CHAPTER ONETakua, a weird Matoran with various mental problems, finally decides to talk to a voice in his head, which he thinks belongs to his brain.Takua: Hi brain!Takua's brain: Who is that?Takua: It's me, Takua.Takua's brain: I don't know you.Takua: It's me, the owner of this body.Takua's brain: I don't understand.Takua: Listen I have to ask you something.Takua's brain: Did you just say you're the owner of this body?Takua: Yeah.Takua's brain: I don't think you should call yourself the owner of this body.Takua: Whatever man, listen I came here to ask you for a favor.Takua's brain: Go ahead.Takua: I was hoping you could convince your heartstone, well our heartstone, to start pumping backwards.Takua's brain: Backwards?Takua: Yeah, you know opposite of the way it's flowing right now. I was hoping it might make me live longer.Takua's brain: Obviously, you don't know much about how the heartstone operates. Every time your heartstone squeezes it pushes blood downward, every time it expands blood comes back. It goes forward and backward all the time.Takua: Ah, dang... I have blood?Takua's brain: I think so... But that's not a problem, Your lungs are.Takua: What's wrong with them?Takua's brain: You know that pain you feel every time you take a really deep breath.Takua: Yeah?Takua's brain: That's cancer.Takua: You sure?Takua's brain: Believe me I would know.Takua: But you can fix that, right? You can destroy that little pest?Takua's brain: I can.Takua: Will you do that for me?Takua's brain: No.Takua: And why the heck not?Takua's brain: It doesn't work that way.Takua: How does it work?Takua's brain: I don't know man; you have to find a way. You have to make me do it. It takes years of practice, if you know how to approach it. Most people don't.Takua: Do I have years to practice?Takua's brain: No, you have a year at the most.Takua: So, there is nothing you will do?Takua's brain: No.Takua: You'll just let me die?Takua's brain: Yes.Takua: Screw you brain, you choose not to help me. I curse the day that I decided to talk to you. You know what I'm going to do to you? I'm going to buy a gun and I'll shoot you like six times.Takua's brain: Ha ha, that's funny.Takua: I'll give you funny!NEXT TIME: Takua's brainy adventure begins!

Edited by Rarity, Apr 08 2012 - 06:32 PM.

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#2 Online Onarax

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Posted Apr 09 2012 - 08:58 AM

...What did I just read?Anyway, so this is a story about Takua and his brain, which seems to be acting independently. And the plot is focusing on Takua's journey of ... braininess? Sounds ... uh ... fascinating.
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#3 Offline Rarity

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Posted Apr 09 2012 - 05:13 PM

...What did I just read?Anyway, so this is a story about Takua and his brain, which seems to be acting independently. And the plot is focusing on Takua's journey of ... braininess? Sounds ... uh ... fascinating.

xDYeah. The comedy is gonna be Takua's adventure with his "brain," and later other voices in his head. =P

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#4 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted Apr 09 2012 - 08:58 PM

How exactly do Matorn get cancer again?The um, character of Takua's brain is very...unique. I guess that does fit his personality though.Well done!
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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#5 Offline fishers64

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Posted Apr 11 2012 - 10:36 PM

CCC Review, as ordered:

Takua: Screw you brain, you choose not to help me. I curse the day that I decided to talk to you. You know what I'm going to do to you? I'm going to buy a gun and I'll shoot you like six times.

That was, um, ironic. Because if Takua kills his brain, then he kills himself.Further, the action of speech is one involving the brain, despite the fact that some people fail to use it when they speak. Still, this motor operation is indeed a part of the brain. So if Takua is speaking, he is using his brain, and his brain can talk to itself, but your dialogue choice has indicated that the entity Takua is not of his brain, because the brain is somebody else. Paradoxes are only amusing when used sparingly. :) My head hurts. In addition, Takua's brain would not be the entity noting Takua's health problems, that would be Takua's body, i.e. Takua. And individuals in the Bionicle universe are extremely unlikely to get cancer, seeing that that is a problem with the human DNA structure. They are more likely to develop a disease completely unique to them. And right now, I am suffering from a disease called logic. This disease is reducing my comedic appreciation. However, given the inherent cheesiness and ridiculousness of this paradox, I give thee a 2/10 and encourage you to consider placing your next comedy within the remote realm of reason - it is easier for the audience to relate to, if nothing else.

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#6 Offline Athmos

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Posted Apr 12 2012 - 10:30 AM

I'm not sure what I read, but I can tell you this: This had the potential to be funny, but I think you really hurt it with the whole "heart stone" thing. That just flat out confuzzled me.
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WIP


#7 Offline Rarity

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Posted Apr 12 2012 - 08:31 PM

CCC Review, as ordered:

Takua: Screw you brain, you choose not to help me. I curse the day that I decided to talk to you. You know what I'm going to do to you? I'm going to buy a gun and I'll shoot you like six times.

That was, um, ironic. Because if Takua kills his brain, then he kills himself.Further, the action of speech is one involving the brain, despite the fact that some people fail to use it when they speak. Still, this motor operation is indeed a part of the brain. So if Takua is speaking, he is using his brain, and his brain can talk to itself, but your dialogue choice has indicated that the entity Takua is not of his brain, because the brain is somebody else.Paradoxes are only amusing when used sparingly. :) My head hurts.In addition, Takua's brain would not be the entity noting Takua's health problems, that would be Takua's body, i.e. Takua.And individuals in the Bionicle universe are extremely unlikely to get cancer, seeing that that is a problem with the human DNA structure. They are more likely to develop a disease completely unique to them.And right now, I am suffering from a disease called logic. This disease is reducing my comedic appreciation. However, given the inherent cheesiness and ridiculousness of this paradox, I give thee a 2/10 and encourage you to consider placing your next comedy within the remote realm of reason - it is easier for the audience to relate to, if nothing else.

Realm of reason? Hah! Yeah right!

I'm not sure what I read, but I can tell you this: This had the potential to be funny, but I think you really hurt it with the whole "heart stone" thing. That just flat out confuzzled me.

Lawlz, it's supposed to make no sense. =PAnd it isn't his brain, it's a voice in his head, that he thinks is his brain.

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