Not As Easy As It Looks

[Solaris: Electric Sentinel]

Solaris: Good evening, folks. Now, for the sake of my OCD (don't know it? Google it), I shall put the comedy's title below, because everything has to have a title in a convenient place. Ahem.NOT--Vezon: Hey Solaris. Whatcha doin'?Solaris: Well, I was putting up the title, but (left eye twitches) that can wait.Vezon: Y'all right there?Solaris: (left, then right eyes twitch) Oh, yeah, fine. Just great.Vezon: Look, I know how you get about titles and haphazard piles, but can you just let it go?Solaris: (head begins to shake) I can. Doesn't mean I will.Vezon: I should just let you put the title up, shouldn't I?Solaris: (spontaneously combusts) Yeah.NOT AS EASYAs It LooksSolaris: Hello folks. You may realize that first off, most Toa of Lightning are female. I am a male Toa of Lightning. 'Nuff said. Secondly, I prefer it if you would all stack your pamphlets in a neat pile, with each one pointing in the same direction when you leave the studio.Studio Audience Matoran #1: Why would you want that?Solaris: Because if you put them in a haphazard pile, I will spontaneously combust from the sheer messiness of said pile.SAM (fun how acronyms work out in the end, huh?) #1: Well, what if we want you to spontaneously combust.Solaris: Then I shall throw you out of the studio.SAM #2: Will I get my paycheck if I get thrown out?Solaris: No. If you get thrown out, you're fired.Vezon: (walks onto stage through a wall) You pay your studio audience to be a studio audience?Solaris: Don't be silly, Vezon. I just pay them to enjoy my show.SAM #3: Quick question.Solaris: I hope it is... Proceed.SAM #3: Why is our acronym identical to that of a Surface to Air Missile?Solaris: First, quick questions are 10 words or less, second, that is a coincidence, third, Studio Audience Matoran #36 is actually a Surface to Air Missile, and fourth, I shall make a lame, overused joke involving a list with three points, but have a fourth point stored to surprise people, then let them down with the fact that there was "no four."SAM #14: That wasn't funny at all!Solaris: ...What happened to Studio Audience Matoran #4-13?Vezon: Lemme check. (Runs into studio audience bleachers. Taps SAM #4-13 on shoulders) Aha. They're cardboard.Solaris: Well. That's discouraging. And we haven't even gotten to the pilot episode yet.Vezon: We haven't started?Solaris: Nope. Live from New Atero, it's NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS!Vezon: (mumbling) Rip-off artistPROLOGUE EPISODEPILOTStudio Audience: (Clapping and Cheering)Solaris: Thank you, everyone. For everyone who has no clue what this show is about, don't ask me, I'm just the author. From what I know, I think that this is some sort of epic fantasy adventure series/talk-show. My first guest, you know him well, is a mean, mad domination machine, Makuta Teridax.SAM #15: But he's dead!Solaris: YOU SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO, WORM!SAM #15: (hides under seat) ...okay...Solaris: (pleasantly) Thank you.Teridax: (walks onto stage, sits down in armchair next to Solaris) Hello, puny mortal Solaris.Solaris: Imma stop ya right there, Terry. I'm actually immortal.Teridax: Well, technically so was I, but now I'm dead.Solaris: ... What are you trying to say?Teridax: Immortality is a lie.Solaris: You came through several planes of existance to tell me that immortality is a cake?Teridax: No. It's a lie.Solaris: Yeah, that's what I just said.Teridax: You just said that immortality was a cake. I said it was a lie.Solaris: Wow. You're a bit outta touch, aren't ya?Teridax: About what dost thou talk-eth, mayhap?Solaris: So it's an Elizabethan talking contest you want, eh?Teridax: No. You said I was out of touch, so I thought I'd just...Solaris: Methinks ye be-eth yellow!Teridax: I wasn't serious about this. Please stop.Solaris: Nay! N'ere shall I stoppeth. Alack a day!Teridax: I don't even know what you're saying, now.Solaris: Forsooth! Yea, for verily I hast won-eth!Teridax: I'm leaving. You can keep your ten bucks.Solaris: Wait! Come back!Teridax: (winks out of existance, leaving only a $10 bill on the armchair)Solaris: There was gonna be an epic fight scene.Vezon: Well, even a blind squirrel finds a nut once a day.Solaris: What do you mean by that?Vezon: I dunno. I just like to hear my own voice. a² + b² = c²Solaris: You need serious mental help.Vezon: Funny. My dentist says that to me every day.Solaris: Why would your dentist... Oh never mind.THAT'S VEZON!Solaris: Whoa. Where did that come from?Vezon: From the ethereal realm of the Narrator.This realm hurts a surprising lot. Ooh, look, I'm about to be turned into a pig!Solaris: Eugh. And he sounds so happy all the time.Vezon: Poor, poor Narrator.Solaris: So then. Our next guest is a friend of mine--Vezon: Really. No decorum? Just right to business?Solaris: Yah.Vezon: That seems a bit... well audience unfriendly.Solaris: Kinda in a hurry here.Vezon: Well, I'm just saying--Solaris: YOU HAVE NO SAY IN MY REALM-- ER-- STUDIO!Vezon: Okay. Run your own darn show into the ground however you want. Vezon out. (jumps off a cliff)Solaris: Oh, and that cliff was for later. But, uh. Next guest. Friend of mine, Toa Tahu.Tahu: (walks sluggishly onto stage) 'Sup.Solaris: I never know how to answer that question. I'm just not sure whether people are asking me what I'm doing, how I am, or if they're just saying hello.Tahu: Oh. Well, then hi.Solaris: Hello, Tahu, how are you today.Tahu: I hate my life.Solaris: Why's that.Tahu: 'Cause I'm a Toa Mata again! Nine years of hard work, and I'm right back to square one!Solaris: But you can use the Golden Armor and be more powerful than you could've been as a Mistika.Tahu: Yeah, that's true. But I'm SHORT!Solaris: Don't feel bad about that. I have a friend who's pretty short, and he's rather proud of his stature.Tahu: Really?Solaris: Well, no, I just know him rather well. I don't actually have any friends.Tahu: Wh--Solaris: It takes a lot to become my friend, Tahu.Tahu: But when I came on, you said--Solaris: My mistake. You're also someone I know rather well, Tahu, but I like you, and that's a good place to start with me.Tahu: When you say you like me--Solaris: I mean you're one of the closest people in the universe to becoming my friend.Tahu: On a scale of 1 to 10--Solaris: 5. You're halfway there.Tahu: Why are you int--Solaris: Because you let me inside your head.Tahu: I... I'm leaving, now.Solaris: You gonna keep the ten bucks I gave you.Tahu: Yeah. See what I can do about my height. (walks off stage)Solaris: Ask time. Normally in an ask comedy, I'd pull up to a computer and check my email, but since computers are apparently outdated, and I'm sitting in an armchair that cannot roll to my computer, I shall use my iPhone 4S!Mata Nui: Hold on, Solaris, I'm pretty sure we can't use brand names on the show.Solaris: Oh. Folks, this is my director, Mata Nui.Mata Nui: (walks on-screen) I thought, hey, directing! But now I'm hoping for this to get cancelled. But that's not my point. We could get sued for copyright infringement.Solaris: This isn't some major network show. This is just some text comedy on some BIONICLE forum site. Apple will never find us.Mata Nui: Okay. It's your trial. (walks off-screen)Solaris: All right. I shall then use my smartphone. Phone, how many new messages do you have.Phone: 'Bout two. Why do you ask?Solaris: Because we are now at the ask portion of my show.Phone: Okay. I'll just give ya the first one, I guess.

y u hav no friendsFrom SAM #16

Solaris: Because I don't like people. And please do try to send me something that is at least typed by someone with a high school education. Next.Phone:

Is there going to be any randomness? I hope not.From SAM #27

Solaris: I don't plan on random things happening... you see what I did there? Never mind. Anyways--(A rubber duck appears behind Solaris)Solaris: Huh? Oh Karzahni.(Vezon jumps out of the cliff and begins eating pie)(Teridax winks into existance and begins reciting all the digits of pi)(Tahu walks into a large mushroom and grows to the size of a skyscraper and steps on the rest of the Toa Nuva)SAM #36: (flies up into the air, then falls back to the ground, wrecking the studio)Solaris: (sits down in charred armchair) I thought bad things only happened to good people.To be continued... We're sorry, but it's true...

[fishers64]

Not as bad as it sounds. Hey, for a random studio comedy, it's good for some chuckles. Particularly this one:

Phone:

Is there going to be any randomness? I hope not.From SAM #27

Solaris: I don't plan on random things happening... you see what I did there? Never mind. Anyways--(A rubber duck appears behind Solaris)Solaris: Huh? Oh Karzahni.(Vezon jumps out of the cliff and begins eating pie)(Teridax winks into existance and begins reciting all the digits of pi)(Tahu walks into a large mushroom and grows to the size of a skyscraper and steps on the rest of the Toa Nuva)SAM #36: (flies up into the air, then falls back to the ground, wrecking the studio)Solaris: (sits down in charred armchair) I thought bad things only happened to good people.

The last line made me lol. I eagerly await the next chapter. You do a bit better with the ask thing, and I would like a teensy bit more plot, but you've got it.