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Delving Too Deep

Eldritch Abominations Great Beings

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12 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Prodigal

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Posted Apr 19 2012 - 11:57 AM

Delving Too Deep

In the beginning, there was nothing. A void of death and pain. But for death and pain, you need the previously-living, and the sufferers. The Great Beings. A science-loving species, devoted to creating and destroying. Even these “Gods” bleed and die, though. And they were not the first ones. In the same way that the Matoran were based off the Agori, the Great Beings were based off their elders. But what created them and their elders? The question was never answered, though many of their kind tried. Among the Great Beings, there were always a few that delved too deep into the idea of life and existence. They would create chants and spells in an attempt to draw their creators close, so that answers might be given, and that knowledge might be theirs. Every single Great Being that supposedly “succeeded” in their mission always went mad, utterly insane without any hope of sanity returning.When they, the Great Beings, began the creation of The Mata-Nui Robot, they needed something powerful, something perfect to run it while the Great Spirit was being created. All of their experiments failed, for perfection was unattainable, yet teasingly close. Running out of time, and desperate, the Great Beings turned to their banished and maddened brothers, prying their arcane and blasphemous secrets from their destroyed minds. With this knowledge, the other Great Beings began to build a portal, an altar. A rune covered gateway to the unknown, from which they wished to draw something. Something perfect.Their mission half-succeeded. The “Seer”, the Great Being chose for looking through the portal, and finding the entity required for their needs, went insane as soon as he gazed into the alien world. His mind, as powerful as it was, could not grasp the concepts or the ideas presented by this dimension, this plane of existence. As the others looked on in terror, he fell to the floor, mumbling “It’s not right, it can’t be right, It couldn’t be…” He droned over and over. The success of their mission was small, but it still existed. A tiny member of that plane’s species, microscopic among titans, managed to slip through the portal at the final moment, escaping its brethren, creatures that would be larger than a number system could define.The Great Beings quickly put the creature to use, letting it use its sheer power to keep the Robot running while they finished their work of “The Great Spirit”. The temporary ruler was given a name, so that he might be contacted as he worked. They called him ‘Tren Krom’.

Edited by D.A.V.E., May 16 2012 - 01:54 PM.

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#2 Offline thebeggerpie

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Posted Apr 19 2012 - 12:04 PM

Well, this was creepy. You just tackled a question nobody wants to hear. Where did the Great Beings come from? Brilliant take on the GB's and I like the Tren part at the end.
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#3 Offline Prodigal

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Posted Apr 19 2012 - 12:17 PM

Thank you. H.P. Lovecraft's works (obviously) were a big part of this story's inspiration. Thanks for your review!
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#4 Offline The Renegade Emperor

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Posted Apr 19 2012 - 02:23 PM

My dear Darkon, here we are again to comment your stories. The title intrigued me a lot and even more did the plot. Talking about Great Beings is a risky job, because you risk greatly to fall in fantasy. And you fell in it. But the way you fell in it is nice. If this is what fantasy is, I love it. It shows two worlds that BIONICLE didn't explain much and something humans, the real world, think about, but they cannot understand. Because they're ( or better, we're ) delving too deep.And the continuous search for perfection that the real Great Beings, the mankind, always try to obtain, always failing.Also, wording is perfect and gives it a nice sound.The quality of the text simply makes what I suppose to be typing errors worthless, nonetheless I'm showing you what I've found, because I know it would be just helpful.

The success of their mission was small, but it still existed. A tiny member of that plane's species, microscopic among titans, managed to slip through the portal at the final moment, escaping it's brethren, creatures that would be larger than a number system could define.The Great Beings quickly put the creature to use, letting it use its sheer power to keep the Robot running while the finished their work of "The Great Spirit".

The mistakes are bold and I think they should have been "planet", "its" and "they".Hope I helped you with the review to this job, which I put at the top of the charts of your Short Stories. This has been your capolavoro, IMO. I'm waiting for your next work!----- Lord of the Rings -----Titles: Dark Lord, Lord of Mordor, Lord of Gifts, Lord of Barad-Dûr, Lord of the Earth

Edited by Lord of the Rings, Apr 19 2012 - 02:25 PM.

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#5 Offline Prodigal

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Posted Apr 19 2012 - 09:04 PM

Thank you for your review! I changed most of those errors, but left "plane", cause it's suppoused to mean "Plane of existance". Thank you for your insights and thoughts! A sequel of this might appear, thanks to the fact that I just purchased H.P. Lovecraft's complete works...
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#6 Offline The Renegade Emperor

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Posted Apr 20 2012 - 06:32 AM

Ah, now I get it. Plane, not planet. Anyways, it's good to hear there might be a sequel for this. And thank you for doing such a great story. Howsoever, you're welcome!----- Lord of the Rings -----Titles: Dark Lord, Lord of Mordor, Lord of Gifts, Lord of Barad-Dûr, Lord of the Earth
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#7 Offline Zero Makuta

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Posted Apr 24 2012 - 08:17 PM

Wow, this was brilliant!Tell me, what exactly gave you the idea for the Great Beings' having a creator? That's really thinking outside the box, and in a really good way. You successfully challenged the idea that the Great Beings were the highest level. Well done. 10/10~ZM
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2 out of 3. =D


#8 Offline Cederak

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Posted Apr 24 2012 - 09:35 PM

Tren Krom is inspired by Greg's experience with Lovecraft and now you bring us this. After a glance at explaining where the inspiration for this came from, I can better understand where this story's themes and...choice words, came from. The idea of there always being something more mysterious, more impossible beyond the scope of what is known, beyond the universe itself is very Lovecraftian, and you utilized it quite well. Great work. And, while you have access to Lovecraft's complete works, I highly recommend checking out The Colour out of Space - after an obligatory reading of The Call of Cthulhu, of course.-Ced
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#9 Offline Prodigal

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Posted Apr 25 2012 - 10:59 AM

Thank you both for your reviews! @ZeroMakuta; There's always a bigger fish. That expression, in my mind, is always accurate. There's always something, bigger and stronger than you, something that was here before you were.@Cederak; Thank you for your encouraging words, which are always appreciated. Also, I have read The Colour out of Space. That, Dunwich Horror, Call of Cthulhu, Pickman's Model, Horror of Red hook, Haunter of the Dark, and Dagon are my favorites I have read so far.

Edited by Lord Darkon, Apr 25 2012 - 11:00 AM.

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#10 Offline Makuta Matata

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Posted Apr 25 2012 - 07:30 PM

So, you're saying that Tren Krom comes from a different dimension that drives the GBs mad? That's brilliant!
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#11 Offline Prodigal

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Posted Apr 25 2012 - 08:15 PM

Thank you. Glad you liked it.
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#12 Offline Velox

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Posted May 14 2012 - 01:27 AM

Official SSCC Review, apologies for the lateness (partially due to the downtime, and also just my busyness). I really like the title. You used it in the story as the GBs delving too deep into the idea of life and existence, but the theme was heavily inlaid upon the whole story -- the "Seer" delved too deep into the world, Tren Krom himself, etc. Tren Krom was given all that power, that he was also delved too deep into the world, into existence. He was needed in order for others too live, involving him quite deeply into the needs of the earth. But really the whole idea of Tren Krom from this work is quite interesting. I never followed too much of the Tren Krom official storyline, so I have no idea how much of this is canon or not, but it really sounds incredibly plausible and even probable. I like the way the GBs are portrayed -- everyone usually views them as gods, unquestioningly. Yet, you're right -- they weren't gods. They also had elders and creators. And then there's the whole thing about them being not perfect creators -- they can't just will something to be created, they actually have to invent it, to make it work. And if it doesn't, a problem arises, like here, and they're forced to do something drastic like Tren Krom. I would've liked to see more on the Seer. I think he could be a very interesting character, as there are quite a number of different possibilities for him. He could actually be crazy, he could be completely right and actually realize that it's not right and that he created a monster, among other possibilities. But it makes you wonder. You say the guy that succeeded went insane, yet that could simply be the narrator's point of view. What if that guy was completely right, and didn't necessarily go completely insane but just became a little...weird, I guess, knowing the truth. If that makes sense. Although I haven't read Lovecraft yet (believe me, he's on my mile-long list of people to read haha), I can definitely see how the style could be similar from what I've heard -- it makes you think, think about things that you don't necessarily want to think about, yet are good thinking questions all the same. And I like that. You pulled it off well here. You gave us a question -- where do great beings come from and how do they do what they do -- and tied it to some creepy, disturbing, yet highly interesting things. There were hardly any grammar mistakes; only one that stood out was when you said "Succeeded" -- the "s" shouldn't be capitalized. Good job in that regard. Overall this was a very enjoyable story that got me thinking and questioning things; there really are a myriad of possibilities for things like this, and I like the way you portrayed this possibility. Apologies for anything that seemed unclear; I'm tired and have been lacking sleep, lol. Definitely keep writing! Posted Image
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#13 Offline Prodigal

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Posted May 16 2012 - 01:51 PM

Thank you for your review! If you thought this story was good, be sure to kick Lovecraft up a few notches on your mile-long list. This is like a pebble, while his works (Dunwich Horror, Color out of Space, Red Hook, Innsmouth) are a mountain. I'll be sure to fix the succeeded problem.Once again, thanks!
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