Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. The process is easy and you can use your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account to make it even faster. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies and play member and staff-run games
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes, and vote to decide the winners
  • Participate in raffles, including exclusive raffles for new members, and win free LEGO sets
  • Send private messages to other members
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!

Photo

Current Events - Review Topic

Aethion Multiverse EM

  • Please log in to reply
30 replies to this topic

#1 Offline TakunuvaC01

TakunuvaC01
  • Members
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,192 posts
  •  

Posted May 14 2012 - 06:13 PM

Posted Image

Welcome to the review topic for Current Events, the fifth episode in the Cipher Chronicles.While I wrote most of the episode, the last chapter, conclusion, and much editing were done by Takuta-Nui when he was one of the leaders of the Multiverse Project. Huge thanks to him for helping to get this episode finished!Support BannerPosted ImageMini-GuideTo help readers recall information from past episodes and to summarize any new info in this one, here is a quick guide. General information relevant to this story is included first, and then as new chapters are posted, chapter-specific information will be added. :)Aethion Expanded Multiverse, Olmak Totems, & Olmak EffectA unique Bionicle realm of eight unique planets, separated by blue unstable spacetime called the Bluespace Ceilings. It was spawned when a Kanohi Olmak, a Mask of Dimensional Gates, left by Takanuva floating in the empty space between dimensions, came into contact with a mysterious energy source and split apart. The fragments of the mask were placed in wooden Totems, which now allow teleportation between seven of the planets.But all of Aethion is being slowly destroyed by the Olmak Effect. Random Bluespace anomalies appear throughout the eight worlds, some causing teleportation, others shredding matter, all crackling with a strange kind of electricity called Blue Energy. Throughout Aethion's 500 years of history, it has slowly gotten worse and worse.Team CipherThe group tasked with solving the major mysteries of Aethion in order to save the Multiverse from the Olmak Effect. Formed in Cipher Chronicles Episode 1. Consists of people who received the Mindtouch, a light telepathic idea sent by the mysterious Presence. The plan formed as a result is to merge the pieces of the Kanohi Olmak back into its original mask in the hopes of stopping the Olmak Effect.PlanetsThese are the eight planets featured or mentioned in this epic:Alarist -- AH-lah-RHIST (Central planet where Team Cipher is based, with BZ-Koro and Wiki-Nui)Promathus -- Proh-mah-thus (polluted Industrial planet) Clysmax -- CLIZ-macks (Shattered planet; six Fragments; Ko-Clysmax opposes the Merging)Izumal -- IH-zoo-MAHL (mysterious, super-advanced Enlightened planet, seen as evil, opposes Merging)Atohune -- AH-toh-HOON-eh (jungle Tribal planet) Barrawahi -- BAR-ruh-WAH-hee (barren Warzone planet)Tanuuk -- Tah-NOO-uhk (volcanic Tyrant planet, ruled by evil titans)Enigma (the Eighth Planet; everything about it is unknown, but Toa Zuruk of Team Cipher claims to have gone there and come back) Olmak Merging PlanThe plan to reforge the original Kanohi Olmak that spawned Aethion, from the shards now stored in Olmak Totems, now stands like this in terms of what Totem owners are for, unsure, or against it:MERGING PLAN SUPPORTERS -- # TOTEMSAlarist -- 6 (1 or more to be stolen in this episode)Clysmax -- 4 (Ta, Ga, Le, Po)Barrawahi -- 3 (Hand of Faith, Red Skull, Shadow Honor)MERGING PLAN UNDECIDEDS -- # TOTEMSAtohune -- 6Promathus -- 6 (in talks)MERGING PLAN OPPONENTS -- # TOTEMSIzumal -- 6Tyrant -- 6 (but willing to talk)Barrawahi -- 3 (Rockfoot, Brethren, Iron Hawk)Clysmax -- 2 (Ko, stolen Onu) Team Cipher Characters: Zuruk -- ZOO-rook (as in place with animals, and the chess piece)Posted ImageToa of Ice, Promathus employee of Miscellaneous Enterprises, primary mask Elda, has many other masks. An anomaly apparently teleported him to Promathus and wiped his memories of his past life. Claims to have recently visited Enigma, the Eighth Planet, and returned -- then created the Enigma Line of products. White mask and armor, sand blue secondary color, blue eyes. 2-mask Suva pack, Element Key of Sonics, and two swords. Has now been voted second-in-command of Team Cipher.Artakha -- ahr-TAH-kuhPosted ImageCodename of an Izumal hacker, member of Regno di Baraonda, Toa of Magnetism. Mask Matatu (without Nuju's addon). Friend of Karzahni. Fights Izumal for moral reasons. Dark gray body, silver mask and armor, yellow eyes. No Toa tool, but he and Karzahni have several projectile weapons and a nanite Hoverplatform vehicle. Primary designer of the Totem Bulwark Machines.Kyn -- KINPosted ImageAv-Matoran demolitions expert from Clysmax works primarily on Promathus. Mask shape Sanok. Once lived somewhere else, as someone else, but fled that life for secret reasons. Very rich. Black mask and feet, orange body, red eyes. Fleet of hovering "demobots", owns a bomb range on Le-Clysmax, Hut Mansion on Ta-Clysmax. Team Cipher primarily funded by him. Was forced to kill an old enemy, Avsa-Ka, recently and reveal his old secret identity as Arrik Xell, a champion of Barrawahi and enemy of Bajnok.Bajnok -- BAHJ-noahk (as in British-accent "badge", and "oah" here is a single sound midway between oh and ah)Posted ImageEarth Skakdi from Barrawahi, Red Skull Clan champion, bi-bladed silver staff apparently vaporizes on touch. Black armor, face, and spines, brown secondary color, red eyes. Recently was 'ghosted' by Izumal, the first known use of such a power, so is unable to physically interact with the world, unknown if temporary or permanent. Hanashi -- HAH-nah-SHEEFemale Toa of Lightning, Alarist reporterette, famous and trusted Multiverse-wide. Mask Iden. Red mask and body, silver armor, yellow eyes. Toa Tool is a Vortixx Rhotuka Battle Axe, with the Rhotuka power of electricity. Many guards work for her. Has now been voted leader of Team Cipher.Karzahni -- kahr-ZAH-neePosted ImageCodename of Artahka's friend, also member of R.d.B., Toa of Plasma. Mask Jutlin. Morally questionable, sympathizes with Artahka's struggle against Izumal but mainly is looking out for himself. Rust and "keetorange" yellow-orange; mask keetorange, rust secondary color, and armor bi-colored; red eyes. Is currently managing Team Cipher's mobile headquarters and other tech.Khiri -- KHEE-ree (kh as in German Bach, or you could just say KEE-ree)Posted ImageFemale Water Agori on Tanuuk, escaped slave, member of secret fugitive network. Has made many failed escape attempts from the planet, recently succeeded. Blue armor, light blue skin and eyes. M'konglii -- MM-kahng-GLEEEE (the M is pronounced without vowel, last part is like a lengthened "glee")Jungle Glatorian from Atohune, Tribe Echostone, expert farmer and food trader, knows many secrets. Turqoise and dark green armor, white eyes and light gray face skin. Scimitars with green-painted leaf shapes on the out-curving side. Objects:Olmak TotemSmall wooden interplanetary teleportation objects about the size of a milk gallon, each containing one of 42 fragments of the original Kanohi Olmak that was split apart in Aethion's origins. Each of the seven main worlds has six Totems, one for each of the other six planets. Some planets have public Interplanetary Teleportation Hubs (ITHs), which are similar to airports. It is the fragments inside the Totems that Team Cipher wants to fuse together, reforming the Olmak, in the hopes of saving Aethion from the increasing Olmak Effect anomalies, and thus both the supporters and opponents of the plan are focused on the Totems.Bulwark Machine A device that uses some of the unique Bluespace-related physics of Aethion and an amplified Mask of Suppression to protect the Olmak Totems owned by supporters of the Merging. Especially against Izumal Agents; the nanites do not work within a radius around the functioning Bulwarks. Only normal physics, especially mechanics and biology, and the Totems themselves work in this radius.GadgetsCommunications devices primarily, these small robots are shaped like little domes with eight legs, and various compartments out of which come arms with tools of all kinds attached. The communication videoscreen is a circle, and also serves as the robot's eye camera.Gadgets can walk to follow their owners and obey simple voice commands. Many different models exist with a ton of variety in their side functions and tools, but Gadgets in general are so universal even Turaga of Atohune tribes and Tanuuk slaves often have them. Not used at all on Enlightened.Cargo StarArtificial suns and interplanetary cargo teleporters. Since the eight planets and the Bluespace Walls between them are all that exist in Aethion, there is no natural sun. The six main planets thus use these satellites for daylight. The planets spin, while the Cargo Stars stay fixed, so they appear to rise and set.The Bluespace Walls destroy any matter that tries to pass through, so the only safe way to travel from planet to planet is Olmak Totem, but these satellites also use a Star-Trek-style teleportation system. It's only used for cargo due to the risk of degradation, which is about five percent.CleanbotsOne of the products in Toa Zuruk's Enigma Line, made by Miscellaneous Industries of Promathus. They are hovering robots that are carefully programmed to organize and clean automatically, plus their programming is easily customizeable by a simple programming language. There is also an alternate Gadget model that performs the same function but does not hover. Zuruk claims that they are inspired by similar robots used by the inhabitants of planet Enigma.Gemsand, Gems, and OrbsThe currency for most of the planets, these are translucent red and orange/yellow-specked gems of varying sizes. The smallest is the size of sand particles (hence the name Gemsand), and equates to about ten American cents. Golfball-sized Gems equate to ten dollars, and softball-sized Orbs equate to a thousand dollars. Being round, they all must be carried in bags or boxes. Normal people carry Gemsand pouches tied close, sometimes carrying a few Gems in them. Only the rich normally own Orbs. They are all given a identifying “stamp” on the inside via a secret method by the AAG, to prevent the possibility of counterfeiting them, and devices to scan authenticity are common, especially in Gadgets.Other Characters, Organizations, and Locations: BZ-Koro Islands and ForumsAlthough it is called a village (Koro), BZ-Koro is actually a fairly large region comprising five islands, forming the shape of Bionicle's Three Virtues symbol. Each of the islands is devoted to a different theme, and has its own name such as the Island of Time. This is one of the two large “swirl” islands; the other is the Island of Creation, and the three circular ones are called the Islands of Life. Those three are individually the Islands of Unity, Duty, and Destiny. Forums are stone plazas similar to Roman Forums, where inhabitants and visitors can meet to discuss and debate, or to show or sell things they have made. The forums on the Island of Time, for example, are focused on the Bionicle Core Dimension (what we know as the main Bionicle canon dimension) and some talk of other dimensions, time itself, etc. On the central Island of Duty, where the Promathus Totem is located, there is a Forum of Promathus.Interplanetary Teleportation Hub (ITH)The Olmak Totem equivalent of airports -- public complexes with guards for those Totems that are frequently used. Hanashi NewsToa Hanashi's news organization. Broadcasts videoscreen footage to Gadgets or other screens over the Cargo Star communication network to anywhere on the six main planets. Alarist UndergroundA secretive crime organization with a major presence on both BZ-Koro and Wiki-Nui. Known organization structure of a single never-seen leader, a ring of other important leaders who make most decisions, and various lesser leaders. What extremes they plan to go to and the methods they might resort to are unknown, but they often arrange thefts.Promathus Companies and UnionsThere are four major companies, including the one Toa Zuruk works for, Miscellaneous Industries, and two major Unions. One Union, the United Promathus Workers (UPW) represents employees of two of the major companies, including MI, and the other, the Guild, is for employees of the other two companies, including Experimental Industries.Okotenga -- OH-koh-TEHNG-guhOnu-Matoran, CEO of Miscellaneous Enterprises on Promathus. Mask shape of Conjuring.Anaana -- ah-NAH-ah-nuhA female Makuta of Light, leader of the Guild union on Promathus.Izumal AgentsThe main enemies of Team Cipher. Encased in their powerful silver nanite suits, Agents are feared by all opponents of the Enlightened City across Aethion. They act as police for the City, hunt hackers among the Izumal exile camps, and sometimes interfere with other planets. There are two clear rules; they never kill, and they are apparently unstoppable. Yet, prior to Team Cipher's formation, their attacks seemed both nonsensically pointless.Since then, however, Izumal has delivered one clear message that they oppose the Merging Plan, and later has done various things to oppose Team Cipher, including a direct attack that ghosted Bajnok and Ekinodus, and nearly ghosted Kyn and others too.Known Agents include Brute, a heavyset humanoid who had been attacking offworld for a long time, Visor, a new offworld Agent that has focused on Team Cipher, and two offworlders who have just been recruited as Agents, including Toa Merx, who formerly worked for the rulers of Tanuuk. Besides those newest two, the real names of Agents are unknown; the nicknames used were given to them by Hanashi for convenience.Alarist Ambassadorial GovernmentConsisting of representatives of both BZ-Koro and Wiki-Nui who meet on the central island in Alarist's ocean, this group is responsible for managing Alarist's Offworld trade and relations. They oversee and partially fund Team Cipher. Avsa-Ka -- AHV-suh KAH The serial killer mutant Matoran that Kyn was recently forced to kill. Prologue Information:Ultarius – ool-TAH-ree-uhsA BZ-Koro Skrall, in charge of security at the Promathus ITH on the Island of Duty.Nurops Species -- NOO-rahpsEyebrain species. Shaped like metal versions of Koosh balls (521 thin arms) with a single large biological eye. Extremely talented at making predictions and calculations based on what they see. Rare. Color: Metallics only, but eyes come in any color. Ekinodus – EH-kih-NOH-duhsA Nurops related to a friend of Kyn's, but also once the mentor of Avsa-Ka before he became a murderer. Is furious that Kyn killed him, refuses to believe Avsa-Ka was too far gone. Also was subjected to the Izumal ghosting, like Bajnok, and a cure has not been found.Demolition Inc.Kyn's demolition business, run entirely by him and a fleet of demobots. Mostly demolishes buildings on Promathus which wear down fast due to the intense pollution.Royal Steward & Lady Sulmiris – Sool-MEE-rihsTwo high-ranking Tyrants of Tanuuk who were both involved in plots on Barrawahi in opposition to Team Cipher, though the Merging was not their motivations. They were teleported to Alarist and arrested. The AAG is currently in talks with Tanuuk about whether or not to let them return there.Chapter 1 InformationGlomosulfurA pervasive substance on Promathus's continent, which most buildings are made of due to being so inexpensive, but these buildings slowly corrode and must be demolished and replaced often. Most of Kyn's business is thus on Promathus.ElementsThere are many more elements of Matoran and Toa in the Multiverse than in the Core Dimension. Some extra elements involved or mentioned in this story include Blue Energy (related to Bluespace), Kinetics, Acid, and Crystal.Troak Species -- TROH-ahkBulky, Toa-height beings with spiky decorations on the shoulders and legs, all have minor elemental powers, but ones with big OOMPH, like Cyclone. Wear and use masks. Troak come in all main canon and EM elements. They're most common on Izumal but live in various places. The Troak mentioned in Chapter 1 is of the Ba (Gravity) association, with the power of Crushslow, which produces intense gravity and slows time down slightly except for the user.Makan – mah-kahnA Po-Matoran of BZ-Koro's Island of Time. A merchant, and collector of rare Kanoka disks, including a Kanoka of Blue Energy.Blue GrimeBlack clumpy gel-like substance that glows blue in patches. Is materialized Bluespace energy. Has very little friction, slowly converts to electricity if a wire circuit is attached, and explodes violently if overloaded by a huge amount of outside electricity. Thus triples as engine/industrial lubricant, power source, and explosives. Element-Resistant GlassSelf-explanatory, with emphasis on resistant. Hard to melt or break especially.Star PortalA winning entry in the Vehicles contest, it is a strange teleportation artifact that hovers in the sky far above Wiki-Nui's Museum. Its most important feature is a sphere of black and purple energy that occasionally sends out lightning. Above this are a pair of silver wings that seem like a mix between the skeleton of dragon wings and angel wings. Below this is a long tapering silver spiral, in a Fibonacci sequence (a mathematical proportion in which each right-angle curve in the spiral fills a square that is a part of a rectangle, and in the remainder of the rectangle, a smaller square with a curve in it is placed inside a smaller rectangle, and so forth).It was originally discovered as a mere silver sphere on Atohune, one example among many of strange and highly mysterious artifacts discovered on that jungle world. It was brought to Alarist by Cargo Star for study, but as soon as it materialized it began transforming with various strange effects including a massive earthquake, until it ended up in its current position and form.Its method of travel is accomplished by physically touching the purple and black energy (by using some kind of hovering device to reach it). You disappear and exist in some kind of energy form inside it, and you are able to pick any place on the same planet that does not have Bluespace between you and it, and be teleported there safely.Chapter 2 InformationAerospace Jet R-10Posted ImageA winning entry in the Vehicles contest. Lightly armored, highly maneuverable air/space craft made by Lake Aerospace. Comes in a simple and upgraded form (latter shown above). Very common across the planets, as they're cheap, but have limited carrying capacity and can't stay in space for long. Solar powered.Lake AerospacePopular vehicle company based on Ga-Clysmax. While building a group of new vehicles, especially new designs, they keep their spherical, glass-covered headquarters submerged in a massive lake, only surfacing when the latest group is finished. Wiki-Nui MuseumWiki-Nui is shaped just like the canon Metru Nui, and the Museum is shaped like the canon Coliseum in the city's center. Among many other purposes, this is where Toa Swert rules the city, and public computer libraries can be found throughout it, tapping into reference information stored across the whole island. Like all buildings in WN, it is colored blue.The Star Portal hovers far in the air directly above the Museum.Wanvergerg Steam-Powered Floating MachinePosted ImageA blimp who propulsion system is powered by steam, and has a turret that fires explosive projectiles for defense. Common on Promathus. The team studying the Star Portal on Alarist has a modified, larger version of one.Team Star PortalAs the name implies, this is the research group that studies the Star Portal. Phantoka MotorsThe Promathus company that makes vehicles of all kinds. Although various smaller companies also make vehicles, they are only rivaled in popularity by Lake Aerospace. They made Team Star Portal's custom airship.Dataguard AlphaA winning Denizens contest entry, he is the leader of the Dataguards, a group of robots that manage and protect Wiki-Nui's reference archives. Humanoid, can shorten body parts like pistons, down to the size of an Agori, face looks like a mask of Sensory Aptitude, with a small projector/camera/videophone mounted on the side of the head at the level of the robot's eyes. Colored in various shades of blue, with yellow eyes. Its build resembles that of Ackar's armor. Chapter 3 InformationAiklaA female Vortixx, in charge of Team Star Portal.Ghost BubbleA dangerous phenonenon of the planet Izumal; invisible bubbles of spacetime that can pull in particulate, liquids, and objects, even people. Mask of Forcefield ControlGenerates mostly-wall-like forcefields in whatever shapes the user imagines. The fields are not as solid as shields generated with a Kanohi Hau and higher-powered projectiles can go through them. Travel PodsSpecial small craft designed specifically to transport one passenger to the Star Portal, so they can enter it to teleport somewhere else on Alarist. Used mainly by Team Star Portal for research.Hut MansionA type of Clysmax building for rich inhabitants like Kyn. Most buildings on Clysmax are technologically advanced versions of huts. Hut Mansions are essentially many hut domes connected, often stacked in pyramid-like formations. Kyn's Mansion Hut has many floors and domes for various machines and other things he has collected.DarkflyPosted ImageSpace vehicles used by Ko-Clysmax. Hoverengines and blasters, room for three. Many models, but the most common one looks like it has two forward-pointing wings on either sides, with hover-engines that also propel, and a belly that can open up like a cargo plane. Eclipse FrigatePosted ImageThe Eclipse is a multi function frigate used extensively by the Ice Clysmax forces as a large intimidation and extermination machine. The Eclipse class frigate is able to bombard small settlements with its complement of missiles, many of which are outfitted with cryo technology, which when used, can freeze masses of buildings, land, or even beings. DemobotsPosted ImageKyn's fleet of demolition robots. They have fairly advanced programming for the analyzing of structures and placing explosives, but beyond this Kyn can control them directly with a Biomechanics power he has added into his Gadget.Ice KingThe current imperialistic leader of Ko-Clysmax. (His name is not yet established.) He was responsible for the theft of Onu-Clysmax's recent Totem.Chapter 4 InformationSonic WelderThe first product in Zuruk's Enigma Line, it uses focused sound waves (and silencing fields beyond the beam) to weld metal without using dangerous heat. Welding is common across many worlds and so this product was immensely popular, even on poorer worlds. Cargo Star InternetSimilar to the real-world internet, this computer network connects Gadgets and other devices to the Cargo Star satellites orbiting the six main worlds. Websites are made available from server devices, especially in Wiki-Nui, Clysmax, and Promathus, which can be accessed anywhere wirelessly.KhazaA female Turaga of Crystal who lives on the Island of Time in BZ-Koro. One of Makan's neighbors.Eccentric RockA winning Weapons contest entry (also made canon). It normally appears as a small rock, but when thrown so that it shatters against a target, a sticky substance inside forms a cage that entraps the target. So-named due to the odd shapes the cages usually form.Lightstone RifleA winning Weapons entry. It fires lightstones charged up with electrical energy, which shatter on impact, zapping a target and releasing a flash of light. A common stunning weapon, also effective against beings of shadow.LevitaasPosted ImageA winning Denizens contest entry; he is a Matoran of Lightning, formerly a Ta-Matoran, that is part of a small team of order-keeping on Alarist. He never spoke of his past, mostly because he doesn't want to do it. Brave and heroic, he'll do anything to accomplish his missions, but he is considered a bit too serious, being very cold and antisocial for a Ta-Matoran. Because of this he has a hard time at working in a team. He is a great swordsman, and is very skilled for a Matoran. He desires to become a Toa one day, and wants to do more than he can right now.He wields a big sword, but made of light Protodermis so he can handle it easily, that also produces weak electric energy. He wears a Rode, because it is a symbol of truth and justice. AAG Elite Security Squad 5TLevitaas's team. As the name implies, the team is focused on protecting the people of Alarist, and he answers to the chain of command in the Alarist Ambassadorial Government. They are often deployed in emergencies involving the Alarist Underground crime syndicate.Yhamkut – YHAHM-kootSecond-in-command of Team Star Portal, a Skakdi.Chapter 5 InformationSorek the ObserverPosted Image A Denizens contest winning entry; a Matoran of unknown origins, who is sent to various places by the Alarist Underground to observe events. He is not supposed to get involved, merely watch and record, until they activate a teleportation beacon that is believed to be from Izumal, opening a dimensional portal that sends him to the next place. But he is not content with that, so he often disobeys and intervenes to try to do some good. Because the device is a dimensional transporter, it can even be used to send him into alternate Aethion dimensions, often to observe how things might have gone had things been different. Unfortunately it can only be used if the remote control device owned by the AU commands it to activate, and they completely control where he appears next.Experimental IndustriesOne of the main Promathus companies, whose employees belong to the Guild. It was they who invented the Cargo Stars, among many other things.Fireworks RevolverA Weapons contest winning entry. It fires a multi-stage fireworks shell as a projectile. Since each shell launches a short-range group of smaller explosive in a sphere around the first impact, one short can do the damage of a multitude of shots by a normal weapon. A Fireworks Revolver was Kyn's standard weapons in his former life as a Barrawahi Champion, and he has recently recovered it.Chapter 6 InformationTeam Cipher NetworkA collective-call Gadget network exclusive to Team Cipher, designed by Karzahni. As many members of the team as needed can see each other on splitscreen videophone calls for virtual meetings.Atohune Totem TowersOn the Tribal world, the totems are atop wooden towers that are carried from place to place by the primitive denizens. The widespread myth is that the Olmak Effect becoming more common in an area means that spirits inside the Totems are bored, and so the people try hard to prevent the possibility of boredom. Thus even rival tribes will work together to move the towers from one territory to the next occasionally.Blue EnergyA Toa and Matoran element exclusive to Aethion; it is similar to electricity but comes from Bluespace, including the Olmak Anomalies that randomly appear on the planets. It can also be materialized into Blue Grime, a useful substance in the EM, or have various anomaly-related effects, though its most important use is as a power source for various devices, some of which cannot be powered by normal electricity, especially those that create transformative effects or teleportation.Bumpy space”This refers to the fairly recent discovery by Aethion scientists that all the spacetime (the invisible fabric of reality that matter inhabits) in Aethion is the unstable type that Bluespace is. The Bluespace in the Ceilings between the planets is “bumpy space” that matter cannot long survive in, but the space nearer to the planets is “flattened” by the presence of air and other materials.Thus, a device like the Bulwark machines' inner workings that pushes all air out of a place can cause the space there to become bumpy, and produce a high amount of Blue Energy. Toa Artakha was the first to realize that the Star Portal could smooth Bluespace even from anomalies, so its potential for Team Cipher's plans to solve the Olmak Effect may be huge, including safe travel through the Ceilings.Chapter 7 InformationMask of CalculationAllows the wearer to make complex mathematical calculations in moments. A suggestion accepted from the (archived) EM discussion topic.Hagah Plasma CannonPosted Image A weapons contest winner (also canonized); dual-mode shoulder-mounted plasma blaster with an attachable ground-mount base for Turret Cannon mode. Fires bolts of plasma along a wavelength-harmonized laser path to the target. Blaster mode is generally too heavy for Matoran sized beings, who usually use it in Turret mode. Anti-ElementsStrange types of elements that are, as the name implies, opposite versions of normal elements. Typically they react negatively to the normal element they are opposite of, and can have a wide range of weird physics effects. They are a fairly new frontier in Aethion science that are not well understood.SubspaceA physics aspect of Aethion that can enable instantaneous communication over any distance, used by Izumal technology widely. Signals can vary over a range of frequencies much like radio waves, and must be encrypted to avoid eavesdropping as they can be detected anywhere with the right technology. Subspace distress signals must also send a position locator, and are typically not encrypted, so that the chances of help coming are higher. Also, given enough time Izumal can usually decrypt any signal.Team Cipher's Mobile HQA cube of Macrochips – pre-nanite Enlightened large computers used by Izumal hackers as both computers and as walls and ceilings for their buildings – with airfields, invisibility cloaking power, and motion power. Normally it is randomly moving as a submarine in Alarist's ocean to avoid detection by Agents, but it can hover in the air as well.

Edited by TakunuvaC01, Jul 16 2012 - 04:29 PM.

  • 0

Posted Image


#2 Offline Toa of Italy

Toa of Italy
  • Members
  • Lightning Voyager

  • 325 posts
  •  

Posted May 15 2012 - 11:17 AM

Good prologue. I especially liked the events and the dialogues, which are very clear and realistic.It seemed a little too fast-tracked however. Everything happens all of a sudden, and already in the prologue we're plunged in medias res.Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to reading the next chapters.
  • 0

#3 Online Yaldabaoth

Yaldabaoth
  • Members
  • Emerging Flying Force

  • 2,271 posts
  •  

Posted May 17 2012 - 10:36 AM

Well, I thought it was a brilliant prologue -- not so bold as to drop us in with a fight scene, but a slow enough beginning to ease us into what seems to be an episode focused on crime and intrigue, with Zuruk playing a more prominent role (!). I can't tell you how glad I am to see the Cipher Chronicles back, but I look forward to more chapters. :)
  • 0
"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
 
-- Harlan Ellison
 
Short Stories:
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal and Makuta Teridax
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox

#4 Offline TLhikan

TLhikan
  • Members
  • Descending into Protodermis

  • 1,009 posts
  •  

Posted May 19 2012 - 08:20 AM

Good job so far TNC01. Is the whole thing already written?-TLhikan
  • 0

"So I'm TL now?"
"Yeah, 'cuz if we said it the other way it'd have to be TLhiKHAAN!!"


#5 Offline TakunuvaC01

TakunuvaC01
  • Members
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,192 posts
  •  

Posted May 20 2012 - 10:23 AM

Posted Image

Good prologue. I especially liked the events and the dialogues, which are very clear and realistic.It seemed a little too fast-tracked however. Everything happens all of a sudden, and already in the prologue we're plunged in medias res.Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to reading the next chapters.

It's a fair point- the feel of starting in the middle of things was sort of intentional, but if I were to rewrite the prologue today I might at least make it a little longer.I usually feel that dialogue is one of my weaker areas as a writer, so I'm glad you find it realistic. :)

Well, I thought it was a brilliant prologue -- not so bold as to drop us in with a fight scene, but a slow enough beginning to ease us into what seems to be an episode focused on crime and intrigue, with Zuruk playing a more prominent role (!). I can't tell you how glad I am to see the Cipher Chronicles back, but I look forward to more chapters. :)

Thanks!

Good job so far TNC01. Is the whole thing already written?-TLhikan

Yep, it is. Like previous Cipher Chronicles episodes, I'll post a chapter once a week (every Sunday for this one).

  • 0

Posted Image


#6 Offline bonesiii

bonesiii
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Forum Leaders
  • Perpetual Master of Reference

  • 18,842 posts
  •   BZP Leader

Posted May 22 2012 - 01:01 AM

I'll try to review as you post, we'll see. :P As to the prologue's suddenness, I fully endorse this. The beginning of the first episode started out a little slower, and some people didn't like that, and really none of them have started as fast as this, so this provides something different. :) I suppose it could have been longer, but I don't think it's needed. What an opening must do is start up the trouble of the story, and preferably the main protagonist should first become aware of that trouble in the opening moments, and this does that well.Also I just love the idea of coming up to an airport, essentially, that you're about to use to travel, and finding it blown up. You put us well into Zuruk's proverbial shoes there, and we see his character come out in how he starts right away in trying to make sense of it, whereas if it was most of us I think we'd just seize up in shock or something, heh.In Chapter 1 and the prologue, I like Ultarius as a character. First of all, it's always refreshing when a member of a species like the Skrall who are usually villains in the canon can be a genuine good guy in fanfics. And he has his own personal worries about how this reflects on him, so he becomes a character, not just a plot function. Well done. I also like how Zuruk analyzes -- with an emotional reaction -- Ultarius's psychology. Really I think you have protrayed Zuruk better than I did when I had POV scenes of his. :PI'm getting a little ahead of your posting here, but everything with Makan in this story I loved. Focusing here, we are introduced to him via the title theme of current events, and he is not just going to write a school report about them, he is becoming caught up in them himself. Hopefully fans will like how that moves forward as much as I do. :) (And I really feel for him, working so hard to gather enough money to buy the crowning piece of his collection, and then it's just gone.)And likewise with Zuruk, he finds himself thrust into the forefront of current events, although much more suddenly.The idea of a Kanoka of Blue Energy is cool, and makes sense for a Matoran. Also fun to get a closer view of what it's like to live in BZ-Koro. Nice metaphor with the cloud, again showing character in a striking way.The Artakha section after that isn't quite so striking at first, but I like how the introduction of the Star Portal is used to bring out Bajnok's conflict, and Artakha has clearly been struggling with patience trying to solve that problem.
  • 0

#7 Offline TakunuvaC01

TakunuvaC01
  • Members
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,192 posts
  •  

Posted May 27 2012 - 04:03 PM

Posted Image

In Chapter 1 and the prologue, I like Ultarius as a character. First of all, it's always refreshing when a member of a species like the Skrall who are usually villains in the canon can be a genuine good guy in fanfics. And he has his own personal worries about how this reflects on him, so he becomes a character, not just a plot function. Well done. I also like how Zuruk analyzes -- with an emotional reaction -- Ultarius's psychology. Really I think you have protrayed Zuruk better than I did when I had POV scenes of his. :P

That is a theme of the EM that I think could be developed somewhere quite well- does morality from the Core Dimension have anything at all to do with morality in Aethion? Now I'm imagining another story I could write. :P But I'm glad you think I got the characterizations properly- that's definitely something I worried about as a guest writer.

Edited by TakunuvaC01, May 27 2012 - 04:12 PM.

  • 0

Posted Image


#8 Offline Baron Von Nebula

Baron Von Nebula
  • Members
  • Makuta Conquered!

  • 573 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 07 2012 - 10:04 PM

I'm curious- what would happen if someone went through the totem on Promathus? I suppose no one would, telporting into what could be a criminal base being a bad idea. I'm guessing from the banner that the Star Portal will be important in this one.I like where this is going, and how characters like Zuruk and Artahka (who is showing himself to be a bit of a risk taker) are being expanded. The title is appropriate, and I like the format of covering a variety of events at once.

Edited by Baron Von Nebula, Jun 07 2012 - 10:07 PM.

  • 0
Read my comedy, about the Hero Factory villains watching a television channel produced by our Spherus Magnan friends!
The Bionicle Channel

"I expect that when I write my next entry in this chronicle, I will be writing as uncontested ruler of the Brotherhood."
-Certainty, my Memoirs of the Dead entry

#9 Offline Toa of Italy

Toa of Italy
  • Members
  • Lightning Voyager

  • 325 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 08 2012 - 10:36 AM

Chapter 3 seems to open up a lot of different plot lines, which in my opinion is a good thing. It'll be interesting to see how they develop.I liked the character of Aikla, very professional but without losing natural traits and behavior. The description of the Star Portal was also well-written.I also appreciated the description of how the Forum Plazas work, which is something that has been bothering me ever since I found out about the EM.Something which I've already remarked, and which recurs in Chapter 3 as well, is the way the story is very fast-paced. While this avoids filling it with long, boring parts, on the other hand it sometimes seems there isn't much of a connection between the events (if I make future reviews I will avoid mentioning this, because it's clearly your writing style and it would be useless to repeat the same thing over and over again).One thing I didn't like very much is when Kyn thinks Zuruk is a fraud. After the events of Sticks and Stones, I would have thought Kyn to trust and respect him more.The battle between Kyn's robots and Ko-Clysmax also doesn't seem very realistic. I mean, on one side are machines which aren't even meant for fighting, while on the other are heavily-armed ships ran by people who have lots of experience with air combat (which Kyn can't have even though he was once a Barrawahi champion, since most battles there are fought on the ground).Finally, I think you accidentally left out the ending of a sentence. It isn't that hard to understand, but still...

The missiles struck the target and their cryo systems, designed to flash-freeze targets on impact, activated. Even Ko-Clysmax fighters had to use a heat source of some kind for power, and without


  • 0

#10 Offline bonesiii

bonesiii
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Forum Leaders
  • Perpetual Master of Reference

  • 18,842 posts
  •   BZP Leader

Posted Jun 11 2012 - 09:50 AM

2:I liked the idea he took from Karzahni. I wouldn't have thought of it, but it fits their characters perfectly. I also like how the call between Zuruk and Kyn went. It showed how affected Kyn was by recent events that even though he is who he is, he tries to get out of analyzing an explosion's results and letting someone else do it. And Zuruk's leadership qualities are showing there too. And then his almost paradoxical tycoon nature shows up with the conversation with his boss.And a nice idea you had, not that it's new to me now lol, for the role of the Cleanbots.3:Aikla's introduction to the reader is interesting to me, especially having read the later chapters just now while working on the mini-guide. I noticed something I didn't notice before, but probably best not to give things away by commenting further. Anyways, she's an interesting character.Your interpretation of the Star Portal is fun, cool, and scary. It's hard to work with things someone else created like this (a contest winner), especially for it to play such a central role in a story as it has in this one, but I feel like you did it well. I'll have more to say on this for later chapters that I'll save for then...Focusing on Kyn then makes a nice psychological foil for Zuruk; in Zuruk's head he's on top of the world because of this, although challenged and probably frightened by what the syndicate is doing. And we see a more interested to eager attitude among the others in the next Makan section. But Kyn gives us the opposite end of that spectrum, the cynic, and with just a few words it makes Zuruk look quite shameful. I'm always interested in how there can be such different perspectives on things, especially when the person who did the thing everybody's reacting to really felt like they were doing the best thing.I like how the Ko-Clysmax attack makes Kyn feel personally attacked, and that motivates him to sort of come out of his sulking. I do think, though, at least based on one above comment that maybe the cost to the robots could have been clearer (sorry I didn't think of this before :P). I interpreted it as wasting a lot of them. Kyn has those robots as a pretty reliable "buffer zone" between him and most dangers, but I felt that what upset him here was that this attack burned through so much of that buffer zone, that now he really felt personally at risk.A bit more worry from him and maybe regret about how his lack of skill at space battle put him at more risk than he should be might help. In fact it might be good to edit something like that in, because it would lead well into some plans I have for Kyn in the season finale epic to come after this. :)I really like Makan's random encounter with the passerby Iron Agori, including the choice of Iron Agori. I felt it was almost metaphorical; in the canon that type suffered from some kind of contagious disease, whereas here that Agori is the "first germ" of a contagious idea, his theory. And Makan sort of picks up the banner of getting this idea to Team Cipher, so his role isn't stolen by the Agori entirely. I felt it was one of the most realistic things you did in this story.

I'm curious- what would happen if someone went through the totem on Promathus? I suppose no one would, telporting into what could be a criminal base being a bad idea.

Yeah, they're going to want to figure out where it is first and attack more strategically, but at that point you'll be able to figure out what would happen. "Wait and see." :)

One thing I didn't like very much is when Kyn thinks Zuruk is a fraud. After the events of Sticks and Stones, I would have thought Kyn to trust and respect him more.

That's an interesting reaction I didn't foresee, but I wanna explain why I didn't have a problem with it. Basically, Kyn has been really affected by what he had to do at the end of that, and it's his nature not to shy away from a cynical observation. Let's face it, if you tended towards that mindset anyways, and had already (as he did in Safety in Numbers) concluded Zuruk was a fraud, you might have that reaction when Zuruk's supposed to be doing one thing but it appears he's instead doing his own project for personal profit.Also, what I intended to convey at the very end of S&S, dunno if I did it well enough, was that even though Kyn had argued against being leader at the beginning, by the end he had started to want it, but he got NO votes at all. Zuruk and Hanashi did. Well, Kyn has always looked up to Hanashi so I don't think he resents her at all for that and agrees she's a far better leader than he could be, but it does make sense to me that he might resent Zuruk a little for taking the number two spot.I dunno if TC01 had thought of all that, and I hadn't till just now in response to you, but it does make sense to me. :) And personally I would not edit this one much if at all because I don't think Kyn would be consciously thinking any of this.Also, I do think that despite Kyn's little cynical mental jibe, when he does speak with Zuruk his newfound respect is implied.

The battle between Kyn's robots and Ko-Clysmax also doesn't seem very realistic. I mean, on one side are machines which aren't even meant for fighting, while on the other are heavily-armed ships ran by people who have lots of experience with air combat (which Kyn can't have even though he was once a Barrawahi champion, since most battles there are fought on the ground).

See above for why I kinda agree with this, but just to clarify, Kyn definately had enough knowledge after living on Shattered for so long as to how to direct his robots to win that battle. He simply had a lot of robots, and he has been watching the defense tactics of Fire and Allied forces against Ko-Clysmax, often nearby, for a long time. Being a former Champion I don't see how he would ignore their tactics; I think he would definately study them and think about the possibility he might need to use them if Ice's attacks ever threatened him.So I felt it made sense, but I do agree that even with all that, his lack of direct experience would have more of an impact than was made clear, so some editing might help. :)About the unfinished sentence, that's a part he and I were just discussing and edited recently before posting, so it's probably my fault. :P The original missiles were explosive but I'd noticed the vehicles contest entry had them as cryo missiles. The last version I have from TC in a PM convo was:

Even Ko-Clysmax fighters had to use a heat source of some kind for power, and the freezing technology did an excellent job of rendering that source inert. The frigate, now devoid of power, spiralled out of control and smashed into the ground.

I think TC may have planned to minorly edit that though so yeah.

Edited by bonesiii, Jun 11 2012 - 09:56 AM.

  • 0

#11 Offline TakunuvaC01

TakunuvaC01
  • Members
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,192 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 11 2012 - 11:08 AM

Posted Image

Something which I've already remarked, and which recurs in Chapter 3 as well, is the way the story is very fast-paced. While this avoids filling it with long, boring parts, on the other hand it sometimes seems there isn't much of a connection between the events (if I make future reviews I will avoid mentioning this, because it's clearly your writing style and it would be useless to repeat the same thing over and over again).

Fair enough. I can promise that everything will come together in the end, even if it doesn't seem like it yet.

I liked the idea he took from Karzahni. I wouldn't have thought of it, but it fits their characters perfectly. I also like how the call between Zuruk and Kyn went. It showed how affected Kyn was by recent events that even though he is who he is, he tries to get out of analyzing an explosion's results and letting someone else do it. And Zuruk's leadership qualities are showing there too. And then his almost paradoxical tycoon nature shows up with the conversation with his boss.Focusing on Kyn then makes a nice psychological foil for Zuruk; in Zuruk's head he's on top of the world because of this, although challenged and probably frightened by what the syndicate is doing. And we see a more interested to eager attitude among the others in the next Makan section. But Kyn gives us the opposite end of that spectrum, the cynic, and with just a few words it makes Zuruk look quite shameful. I'm always interested in how there can be such different perspectives on things, especially when the person who did the thing everybody's reacting to really felt like they were doing the best thing.

Glad that all these differing perspectives worked out well. :)

I really like Makan's random encounter with the passerby Iron Agori, including the choice of Iron Agori. I felt it was almost metaphorical; in the canon that type suffered from some kind of contagious disease, whereas here that Agori is the "first germ" of a contagious idea, his theory. And Makan sort of picks up the banner of getting this idea to Team Cipher, so his role isn't stolen by the Agori entirely. I felt it was one of the most realistic things you did in this story.

I think the reason I made him an Iron Agori was because I wanted to show/confirm that Iron Agori still existed in Aethion despite the disease that effected them in the Core Dimension.But I'm glad it ended up producing such a nice metaphor. :P

One thing I didn't like very much is when Kyn thinks Zuruk is a fraud. After the events of Sticks and Stones, I would have thought Kyn to trust and respect him more.

That's an interesting reaction I didn't foresee, but I wanna explain why I didn't have a problem with it. Basically, Kyn has been really affected by what he had to do at the end of that, and it's his nature not to shy away from a cynical observation. Let's face it, if you tended towards that mindset anyways, and had already (as he did in Safety in Numbers) concluded Zuruk was a fraud, you might have that reaction when Zuruk's supposed to be doing one thing but it appears he's instead doing his own project for personal profit.Also, what I intended to convey at the very end of S&S, dunno if I did it well enough, was that even though Kyn had argued against being leader at the beginning, by the end he had started to want it, but he got NO votes at all. Zuruk and Hanashi did. Well, Kyn has always looked up to Hanashi so I don't think he resents her at all for that and agrees she's a far better leader than he could be, but it does make sense to me that he might resent Zuruk a little for taking the number two spot.I dunno if TC01 had thought of all that, and I hadn't till just now in response to you, but it does make sense to me. :) And personally I would not edit this one much if at all because I don't think Kyn would be consciously thinking any of this.Also, I do think that despite Kyn's little cynical mental jibe, when he does speak with Zuruk his newfound respect is implied.

This is basically what I was thinking. Kyn may respect Zuruk, because he did prove himself under fire in Sticks and Stones, but trust? He may trust him more, but Zuruk is supposed to be conducting an investigation and as far as Kyn can tell it appears Zuruk is just trying to make money and maybe not taking the investigation as seriously as he should. Add to the fact that while everyone now knows Kyn's secret, no one knows Zuruk's yet. But they do know that Zuruk still has a secret.

I like how the Ko-Clysmax attack makes Kyn feel personally attacked, and that motivates him to sort of come out of his sulking. I do think, though, at least based on one above comment that maybe the cost to the robots could have been clearer (sorry I didn't think of this before :P). I interpreted it as wasting a lot of them. Kyn has those robots as a pretty reliable "buffer zone" between him and most dangers, but I felt that what upset him here was that this attack burned through so much of that buffer zone, that now he really felt personally at risk.A bit more worry from him and maybe regret about how his lack of skill at space battle put him at more risk than he should be might help. In fact it might be good to edit something like that in, because it would lead well into some plans I have for Kyn in the season finale epic to come after this. :)

The battle between Kyn's robots and Ko-Clysmax also doesn't seem very realistic. I mean, on one side are machines which aren't even meant for fighting, while on the other are heavily-armed ships ran by people who have lots of experience with air combat (which Kyn can't have even though he was once a Barrawahi champion, since most battles there are fought on the ground).

See above for why I kinda agree with this, but just to clarify, Kyn definately had enough knowledge after living on Shattered for so long as to how to direct his robots to win that battle. He simply had a lot of robots, and he has been watching the defense tactics of Fire and Allied forces against Ko-Clysmax, often nearby, for a long time. Being a former Champion I don't see how he would ignore their tactics; I think he would definately study them and think about the possibility he might need to use them if Ice's attacks ever threatened him.So I felt it made sense, but I do agree that even with all that, his lack of direct experience would have more of an impact than was made clear, so some editing might help. :)

The robot battle.. I'll admit that I'm not completely happy with it either. I'm sort of rethinking the whole idea of having him use his robots in combat again- what I was thinking when I wrote it is much like what bonesiii said, he's tired of running and hiding, and he's not going to back down when he has a chance to fight. So he orders his robots to basically divebomb and swarm the fighters, destroying a lot of the robots but also taking out many fighters.My concern is that I'm making the robots into a sort of deus ex machina- they were already used to win battles in Sticks and Stones and now I abuse them again for the same purpose.. so this is definitely something I might edit.

About the unfinished sentence, that's a part he and I were just discussing and edited recently before posting, so it's probably my fault. :P The original missiles were explosive but I'd noticed the vehicles contest entry had them as cryo missiles. The last version I have from TC in a PM convo was:

Even Ko-Clysmax fighters had to use a heat source of some kind for power, and the freezing technology did an excellent job of rendering that source inert. The frigate, now devoid of power, spiralled out of control and smashed into the ground.

I think TC may have planned to minorly edit that though so yeah.

Yep, my bad on this. Forgot to copy the edited version back into my saved copy of the epic.. the version above is correct, and fixed it in the actual epic.

  • 0

Posted Image


#12 Offline Baron Von Nebula

Baron Von Nebula
  • Members
  • Makuta Conquered!

  • 573 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 12 2012 - 04:47 PM

Hmmm.... I'm starting to suspect that the teleportation used for thievery is connected to the Star Portal... I like how the suspense is building as our heroes strive to learn more.
  • 0
Read my comedy, about the Hero Factory villains watching a television channel produced by our Spherus Magnan friends!
The Bionicle Channel

"I expect that when I write my next entry in this chronicle, I will be writing as uncontested ruler of the Brotherhood."
-Certainty, my Memoirs of the Dead entry

#13 Offline TakunuvaC01

TakunuvaC01
  • Members
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,192 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 19 2012 - 02:00 PM

Posted Image

Sorry for the delay, I've been deviating from my "post on Sunday" schedule a bit but I'm still trying to get one out every week.

  • 0

Posted Image


#14 Offline Baron Von Nebula

Baron Von Nebula
  • Members
  • Makuta Conquered!

  • 573 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 27 2012 - 04:57 PM

I guess I was right in the theory in my last post. After this chapter, I'm starting to be suspicious of Zuruk like Kyn is. I like how seemingly unconnected plot threads are coming together. You're doing an excellent job at creating a mystery that readers can try to figure out what's really going on before the characters do.

Edited by Baron Von Nebula, Jun 27 2012 - 04:58 PM.

  • 0
Read my comedy, about the Hero Factory villains watching a television channel produced by our Spherus Magnan friends!
The Bionicle Channel

"I expect that when I write my next entry in this chronicle, I will be writing as uncontested ruler of the Brotherhood."
-Certainty, my Memoirs of the Dead entry

#15 Offline Toa of Italy

Toa of Italy
  • Members
  • Lightning Voyager

  • 325 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 28 2012 - 06:50 AM

I think Chapter 6 may be the best so far. I liked very much the discussion Team Cipher have, it's very scientific and clear at the same time. It reminds me of similar occurrences in Cold Truth and Sticks and Stones.The only thing that puzzles me is M'konglii. The last time we saw him, he was on a mysterious island doing something equally mysterious. I expected a follow-up in this episode. Instead, he appears again as if nothing had happened and we don't see any attempts by the rest of the Team to discover what he was doing.
  • 0

#16 Offline bonesiii

bonesiii
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Forum Leaders
  • Perpetual Master of Reference

  • 18,842 posts
  •   BZP Leader

Posted Jun 28 2012 - 09:23 AM

4:Ah, the Cleanbot description. Brings back fond memories of studying this part to make sure the Review link banner fit your description. ^_^ I think you made this part clear and presented much like an eager inventor would. I also thought it was brilliant to have the Cleanbots demonstrate their function by cleaning up the ITH debris. That's two side benefits of his choice to go forward on selling them now.The last bit in that section made me pity all the unlucky people who came all that way from Wiki-Nui just to be told it was a BZK exclusive, lol. Hopefully they were there anyways for business or pleasure so they weren't wasted trips heh.I liked that you had a different named average citizen character take more of the spotlight than Makan in his actual meeting with Zuruk at first. Just one of many little things you tend to do that really increase the realism value, whereas a less experienced writer might simply have Makan happen to have all the importance. Really that same basic conversation was probably repeated several times that day, so it makes sense Makan would be close enough to hear it happen before he got to Zuruk. Also, it gave Makan a chance to do something nice for her in vouching for her citizenship, demonstrating his character.And nice choice for Khaza's reason to get a Cleanbot; she is clearly experienced enough not to assume that things have been stolen. Or maybe just forgetful... like me... Dang, I want one lol.I love how you portray Levitaas in this story. I've been rereading all the Levitaas sections recently so this comment refers to more than just this chapter, but yeah, you definately make him a character that leaps out of the "page" as it were. Whether people like him or not, he makes himself a major influence on whatever else is going on around him, and the one thing he can't be accused of is just seeming like a normal "everyman" Matoran that would be easily underestimated. At that he is an expert, yet he is at times... what's the right word, sort of "immature" but not in a cliche way, yanno? Anyways there'll be opportunities to say more about later sections so yeah. Good job. :)BTW, where exactly did the writing switch over to Takuta-Nui? I forget where, and it blends so perfectly I can't tell lol. Just so I know whose work I'm reviewing with what comments lol.The description of Artakha being in the Star Portal was interesting. You had an almost poetic way of describing what is very different from normal senses and environments.5:And, the long-worked-on introduction to Sorek. This part took a lot of editing but I like what you came up with for the final version a lot. I know you had your doubts about it, but I like that this alternate universe is kept mysterious so it's all about the trouble he's been placed in, rather than what I think a lot of alternate reality fiction does which is tries over-hard to just show off the alternate worldbuilding.And, it's another Matoran character from a contest winner, like Levitaas, that you portray very interestingly. Your portrayal gives me the sense that he is often put into very dangerous or stressful situations with little ability to handle them, so he's been forced to rely on his wits alone to figure out a safe way to survive until he can be teleported out again, a torturous existence indeed. The way he quickly comes up with a suitable negotiation with Zuruk, Levitaas, and later the high-ranking criminal reminds me somewhat of Benjamin Linus in LOST; he would always have a calculated manipulation ready to survive by the skin of his teeth, as it were. Except this is more like the "Henry Gale" Ben that we first met, who gave the impression he was a lot lower ranking than he really was.I really enjoyed the pitting of Levitaas against Sorek in a verbal duel for Sorek's fate. Very fitting for both of their personalities and life situations. And it's debatable who won the duel; Sorek got away, but Levitaas got information out of him that could put Sorek in immediate danger when he was sent back to his masters.Oddly I wasn't as satisfied with the Kyn section at the end of 5. It did a good job of doing what it had to do, and portrayed Kyn well, but nothing very unexpected happened. I can't really think how it could be improved, though, without changing the plot heavily, so oh well, heh. On the plus side, it tied 5 together thematically well as they ended up with two hostages that were apparently related to the conspiracy theory Makan told Zuruk of.6:Poor Zuruk, faced with someone who apparently knows something of his past but is utterly unable to get that information from him, and even has to hand over the device that will let him get away. And knowing what Sorek said about himself is of no help too, since Sorek has observed countless things and people across this Aethion and others. Zuruk might even have reason to think Sorek might have confused him for an alternate version of himself in some other universe, heh. (Of course I know the answer but that's a ziplip moment. :P :ziplip:)I liked the meeting too, along the lines of what Toa Italy said. But I'll pause this review to focus on this:

The only thing that puzzles me is M'konglii. The last time we saw him, he was on a mysterious island doing something equally mysterious. I expected a follow-up in this episode. Instead, he appears again as if nothing had happened and we don't see any attempts by the rest of the Team to discover what he was doing.

My bad for not noticing this before publishing. I have been focused on planning how this will be handled for the Season 1 finale epic, which will heavily focus on Mik, and now will come right after this. I sorta unconsciously assumed that the reader should understand that prior to this meeting Hanashi has already tried to pry the truth out of Mik and he has simply refused along the lines of similar scenes we've already seen in Cold Truth. But thinking it over I can definately see the point that they should be more miffed about his secrecy and lying, especially when Hanashi asks Mik to go first.Something should be edited there about a cold attitude towards him, and Zuruk could mentally remember an earlier (unshown) confrontation, that took place between Sticks & Stones and Current Events. Since Mik didn't give an answer beyond refusal it wouldn't take much to edit that in.Anyways, what he was doing on that island will be revealed in the season finale. :)Moving on...Interesting that Kyn kinda stole Zuruk's thunder about the conspiracy theory. Although not intentional on Kyn's part since he didn't yet know Zuruk was going to say it, it plays well with the tension between them. Also, this kinda rescues my feeling about the previous Kyn section at the end of 5; something more -was- going on there in his head, although the conclusion doesn't surprise the reader because of the Makan thread.Sorry this just occured to me now, but why is there a section divider between the paragraph starting with "Zuruk decided it was as good a time as any to speak up." and "Zuruk first briefly explained what he had been up to..."? We're still in the meeting and still from Zuruk's POV.And, the big twist theory is put forth at the end, and the various threads now appear tied together... more to say later...

You're doing an excellent job at creating a mystery that readers can try to figure out what's really going on before the characters do.

It's so cool seeing that confirmed for a guest writer; unfortunately we leaders don't get to have a clear sense on that usually since we know the secrets (except on things we leave up to the writers). Oh, and yes, your theory was right. I had to be careful not to give that away earlier lol.

  • 0

#17 Offline Taipu1

Taipu1
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • Stone Champion Defeated

  • 2,784 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Jul 01 2012 - 01:31 PM

Been meaning to read this episode for ages, and eventually got down to reading all the chapters that are posted.Bad way to do it. Each chapter I finished, there was another beneath it, and then suddenly there wasn't! I got really into it, and it stopped suddenly.I can now not wait for the next chapter.
  • 0

- Taipu1.

tayis.png

HighFly Matoran

Showdown

BZPRPG Profiles

Have you seen my Blog? I understand if you haven't


#18 Offline Tabby: Toa of Cats

Tabby: Toa of Cats
  • Members
  • Emerging Fluidic Master

  • 1,277 posts
  •  

Posted Jul 01 2012 - 05:07 PM

The Toa of Iron frowned. "You don't. You step inside, press the green button, and then it seals and I use my Kanohi to open a hole in the forcefield barrier. It calculates a course and flies there. Then you press the red button and the doors open. Got it?""Yes," the Toa of Magnetism responded. He stepped into the first pod and pressed the green button. The doors slid shut and the pod rose into the air.

I think we have some Reality Shifting going on here...

Edited by Tabby: Toa of Cats, Jul 01 2012 - 05:07 PM.

  • 0

#19 Offline bonesiii

bonesiii
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Forum Leaders
  • Perpetual Master of Reference

  • 18,842 posts
  •   BZP Leader

Posted Jul 01 2012 - 05:24 PM

Tabby, are you thinking those are typos? It appears correct to me; here's the context:

Artakha [who is a Toa of Magnetism]... walked over to and climbed up the ladder, where he was greeted by a Toa of Iron wearing a Mask of Forcefield Control...."Okay... how do I control this vehicle?" asked Artakha.The Toa of Iron frowned. "You don't. You step inside, press the green button, and then it seals and I use my Kanohi to open a hole in the forcefield barrier. It calculates a course and flies there. Then you press the red button and the doors open. Got it?""Yes," the Toa of Magnetism responded. He stepped into the first pod and pressed the green button. The doors slid shut and the pod rose into the air...He pressed the red button. The doors opened.

No typos or Reality Shifting. :) You seemed to imply the Toa of Iron and the Toa of Magnetism are one person, but it's two different people having a conversation, each with a different element. :) Does that help? ^_^

Edited by bonesiii, Jul 01 2012 - 05:28 PM.

  • 0

#20 Offline TakunuvaC01

TakunuvaC01
  • Members
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,192 posts
  •  

Posted Jul 02 2012 - 01:25 PM

Posted Image

I guess I was right in the theory in my last post. After this chapter, I'm starting to be suspicious of Zuruk like Kyn is. I like how seemingly unconnected plot threads are coming together. You're doing an excellent job at creating a mystery that readers can try to figure out what's really going on before the characters do.

Glad you're enjoying the mystery! To me that was what was most rewarding about this whole experience- finding out about one or two Aethion mysteries but then crafting them into an epic where I could put my own spin on things.

I think Chapter 6 may be the best so far. I liked very much the discussion Team Cipher have, it's very scientific and clear at the same time. It reminds me of similar occurrences in Cold Truth and Sticks and Stones.The only thing that puzzles me is M'konglii. The last time we saw him, he was on a mysterious island doing something equally mysterious. I expected a follow-up in this episode. Instead, he appears again as if nothing had happened and we don't see any attempts by the rest of the Team to discover what he was doing.

Bonesiii already spoke to this, but yeah, this is something that should have been done.. I can't remember why I didn't think of it. Maybe a paragraph or so can be edited in later in M'konglii's report.

I love how you portray Levitaas in this story. I've been rereading all the Levitaas sections recently so this comment refers to more than just this chapter, but yeah, you definately make him a character that leaps out of the "page" as it were. Whether people like him or not, he makes himself a major influence on whatever else is going on around him, and the one thing he can't be accused of is just seeming like a normal "everyman" Matoran that would be easily underestimated. At that he is an expert, yet he is at times... what's the right word, sort of "immature" but not in a cliche way, yanno? Anyways there'll be opportunities to say more about later sections so yeah. Good job. :)

Along with Sorek (who I'll get to in a minute), I inferred a fair bit from his character description in the contest. I'm not completely sure how to describe his character myself, either, but I'm glad that I created a strong character for him.

BTW, where exactly did the writing switch over to Takuta-Nui? I forget where, and it blends so perfectly I can't tell lol. Just so I know whose work I'm reviewing with what comments lol.

It's telling that the last time I read through the whole epic even I couldn't tell. :P Somewhere in the middle of Chapter 9, I believe.

And, the long-worked-on introduction to Sorek. This part took a lot of editing but I like what you came up with for the final version a lot. I know you had your doubts about it, but I like that this alternate universe is kept mysterious so it's all about the trouble he's been placed in, rather than what I think a lot of alternate reality fiction does which is tries over-hard to just show off the alternate worldbuilding.

I guess what I was hoping to do is make the alternate universe interesting enough that a reader would want to learn more about it- like that one you describe in Strength in Numbers where the Bluespace has consumed most of the planets and there's now almost nothing left. It was interesting, it was a place I'd like to read about more or perhaps even write about more.But you're right that attempting to show the alternate world too much would just weaken the story. So I guess I'm happy with how this turned out too. :)

And, it's another Matoran character from a contest winner, like Levitaas, that you portray very interestingly. Your portrayal gives me the sense that he is often put into very dangerous or stressful situations with little ability to handle them, so he's been forced to rely on his wits alone to figure out a safe way to survive until he can be teleported out again, a torturous existence indeed. The way he quickly comes up with a suitable negotiation with Zuruk, Levitaas, and later the high-ranking criminal reminds me somewhat of Benjamin Linus in LOST; he would always have a calculated manipulation ready to survive by the skin of his teeth, as it were. Except this is more like the "Henry Gale" Ben that we first met, who gave the impression he was a lot lower ranking than he really was.

I may have mentioned this before, but I was fairly certain that whoever submitted Sorek to the contest had imagined him as an Aethion version of the Doctor (from Doctor Who). I could be completely wrong, of course, but in any case I liked that idea and tried to characterize him as such.

Interesting that Kyn kinda stole Zuruk's thunder about the conspiracy theory. Although not intentional on Kyn's part since he didn't yet know Zuruk was going to say it, it plays well with the tension between them. Also, this kinda rescues my feeling about the previous Kyn section at the end of 5; something more -was- going on there in his head, although the conclusion doesn't surprise the reader because of the Makan thread.

Sorry this just occured to me now, but why is there a section divider between the paragraph starting with "Zuruk decided it was as good a time as any to speak up." and "Zuruk first briefly explained what he had been up to..."? We're still in the meeting and still from Zuruk's POV.

Uh, I'm not sure. I think I put it there because there's a slight time-warp in which Zuruk explains a bunch of stuff the reader already knows: "Zuruk first briefly explained what he had been up to". It didn't seem to flow properly without it, but that could just be me.

Been meaning to read this episode for ages, and eventually got down to reading all the chapters that are posted.Bad way to do it. Each chapter I finished, there was another beneath it, and then suddenly there wasn't! I got really into it, and it stopped suddenly.I can now not wait for the next chapter.

Haha, that is the exact same thing that happened to me with Endless Blue and Sticks and Stones, so I can completely sympathize. :P Hope you enjoy the rest of the epic!

  • 0

Posted Image


#21 Offline bonesiii

bonesiii
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Forum Leaders
  • Perpetual Master of Reference

  • 18,842 posts
  •   BZP Leader

Posted Jul 04 2012 - 04:11 PM

7:Striking intro to the chapter. Reminds me of Greg's style in some of the books, heh. Here's more of that Benjamin Linus-esque-ness I was talking about with Sorek.I love Zuruk's reverse psychology on Levitaas.The buildup to the reveal of the traitor's identity was interesting. It wasn't really hard to figure out early in Artakha's attempt to do so, especially with the "thought no more of it" line; it gives more of that sense of the reader solving the mysteries just before the characters do that seems to define your style. And in so doing, it gets us thinking. A nice approach.I liked the faceoff with the traitor. Given that Artakha had been on there for a while, it makes me wonder if that sword thing was obtained during that time, specifically knowing Artakha might figure it out, or if the traitor was just well prepared.A crisp psychological conflict Artakha faced to activate the distress signal or not, especially given the conspiracy theory Makan's thread focused on (and which Artakha now heard in the conference call). I always like that sort of choice characters have to make; it's really pretty clear he has to do it, but still he must choose to do so.
  • 0

#22 Offline /Got_Your_6/

/Got_Your_6/
  • Members
  • Turaga

  • 71 posts
  •  

Posted Jul 05 2012 - 02:39 PM

So far I'm honestly loving the episode. I really enjoy how you have these several small plot lines going, and occasionally they all meet and thing all start to make sense. Your title is interesting, and at this point I see the significance of it (I think; with CC you can never tell). Another thing you accomplish greatly is how you keep the reader one step ahead of the characters; on a side note, I really need to quit trying to read and headbang at the same time.

Finally, is there a main Cipher Chronicles topic (on the new forum) with links to all the episodes, or something similar?

If not, there should be.


  • 0
Formerly press space to win.

#23 Offline TakunuvaC01

TakunuvaC01
  • Members
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,192 posts
  •  

Posted Jul 10 2012 - 12:09 PM

Posted Image

7:Striking intro to the chapter. Reminds me of Greg's style in some of the books, heh. Here's more of that Benjamin Linus-esque-ness I was talking about with Sorek.

Heh, If I remember correctly, that may have been my goal in writing that scene.

I liked the faceoff with the traitor. Given that Artakha had been on there for a while, it makes me wonder if that sword thing was obtained during that time, specifically knowing Artakha might figure it out, or if the traitor was just well prepared.

I didn't really think about this when writing the epic, but I guess he was well prepared. It's mentioned that the traitor had access to a handful of other weaponry as well, so perhaps he had things designed to counter other attacks as well.After all, Artakha's warning to Zuruk in this chapter suggests that the traitor may have had a weapon capable of doing the same thing to an Ice Toa as well. Or maybe the blade works on any element. Or, of course, maybe he didn't but Artakha was just being cautious.

So far I'm honestly loving the episode. I really enjoy how you have these several small plot lines going, and occasionally they all meet and thing all start to make sense. Your title is interesting, and at this point I see the significance of it (I think; with CC you can never tell). Another thing you accomplish greatly is how you keep the reader one step ahead of the characters; on a side note, I really need to quit trying to read and headbang at the same time.

Finally, is there a main Cipher Chronicles topic (on the new forum) with links to all the episodes, or something similar?

If not, there should be.

Glad you like it!There's a new discussion topic in S&T, with some links to places on the old forum, but unfortunately there's not a reference topic up yet.There is a list of all the other C&C episodes at the top of this one, but they link to the old forum.

Edited by TakunuvaC01, Jul 10 2012 - 12:10 PM.

  • 0

Posted Image


#24 Offline TLhikan

TLhikan
  • Members
  • Descending into Protodermis

  • 1,009 posts
  •  

Posted Jul 18 2012 - 08:00 PM

This is really good, and I feel somewhat guilty for not keeping up with this so far. The last few chapters have been especially exciting. -TLhikan
  • 0

"So I'm TL now?"
"Yeah, 'cuz if we said it the other way it'd have to be TLhiKHAAN!!"


#25 Offline bonesiii

bonesiii
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Forum Leaders
  • Perpetual Master of Reference

  • 18,842 posts
  •   BZP Leader

Posted Jul 19 2012 - 09:26 AM

8:The end is nigh!Everything comes together here. Obviously by now we knew it would happen, but yeah. The idea of so many air security vehicles flying around in Wiki-Nui's sky, the strangeness of the Star Portal, and now an Agent, is exciting to read. And now the incursion into the Museum itself! I think that opening scene encapsulates the title; these are definately things you'd have your eyes glued to the news broadcast over. It seems like the whole universe is conspiring against Team Cipher now.And a nice touch with the warning beep and shaking craft as he goes up to top speed.I love the Dataguard battle scene. His personality is hilarious and it's nice to see him in action, something fans asked for and have now got. I especially loved the line about the priceless wall. :lol:Not much to say about that Karzahni section, pretty much just continues the flow of the action.Fun entrance to the blimp, under attack by an Agent. I have wondered if it was the right decision to then immediately have them just lay exhausted there, versus keep on running, assuming the Agent is after them still. I haven't complained about it before because it does make sense given what the Agent will say later, so it can be considered a clue, but it might confuse some readers. :shrugs: And they do go on to make it clear the Agent remained outsid, so probably okay.Clever to have Artakha pretend he's still fully restrained. Also gives a moment for him to consider what's really going on. I also like the tension when he decides to yell out, not knowing whether friend or foe will hear. Kinda a cheer-with-him moment when it turns out to be friend. Again you show your talent; some writers might just have the friends burst in without the person needing rescued doing anything (a lesson I've had to learn myself heh), but you turned it into an opportunity for a difficult choice.It was an interesting choice of how to describe Levitaas in battle. Of course this is the sort of thing you get largely from the content entry, but wise to have Artakha make a psychological observation there. And I don't think it would have occured to me to compare it to Kyn's like that ironically. Now that I think of it, perhaps it makes less sense for Artakha to be thinking that, since he hasn't really witnessed Kyn fighting as far as I recall, but I'm sure he's heard the story from the others.The scene where they access the blimp's computers, camera, and consider a stun gas reminded me of countless Star Trek episodes with similar scenarios aboard a starship. Good memories lol.Now that I think of it perhaps there was a slight missed opportunity in identifying why this blimp would be equipped with a stun gas option though lol. What just came to mind now was that one of them would happen to glance at a readout and notice that the gas used in the blimp itself is capable of stunning, but also of killing if it's too concentrated, basically by pushing out oxygen. Maybe there would be a warning there not to activate certain releases if people were in those sections where the gas is stored, and they could figure it out from there by activating an air circulation connection with that storage section that is normally only used when the gas tanks are safely sealed. Perhaps they would also have to access the Wiki-Nui reference website to find out the safe amount to use to stun the smaller beings there.I like how they think of using the Star Portal against the enemy, in a roundabout way.I also like how Okotenga almost ruins the plan by refusing to send an employee through. A weird contrast in Zuruk's roles; on the one hand he's got this major authoritative position in Team Cipher and he's in the action, among the danger... and in the other he's a mere employee going up to his boss for a favor not related to his job there. But clever as always he comes up with a solution Okotenga will agree to. Poor Bajnok... I'm sure he's eager to do something though.I love Bajnok's reaction to "perfectly simple." I kinda borrowed it in a similar moment in the Paracosmos fanfic I'm writing now in fact. :P9:Last chapter! Now just the epilogue to go. Alas, the one thing bad about this story is that it's ending! :POne thing I think kinda got lost there was the sense of how much time it would take ghost-Bajnok to go through Tribal, etc. and get into place for this. It kinda feels too instant, yanno? Maybe something should be edited about how a small flying vehicle will be brought through the Totem, something that is rarely if ever allowed, or perhaps the Tribal people currently have both of those Totem Towers nearby, "looking at the same awesome scenery", so the Olmak Effect will be very bad there but Bajnok will pretty much just have to climb down one tower and right up the next... dodging anomalies... I dunno, it's a thought.I love everything about when he enters, uses, and leaves the Star Portal (for this one I'm talking partly to Takuta-Nui I think). Especially the use of Makan's Kanoka. It feels completely planned from the start yet unexpected. I kinda forget off the top of my head if we did plan that scene that way from the start, but clearly the Kanoka -was- going to be involved somehow or another.Anyways, getting a bit ahead of myself... I love how Aikla is more concerned that they figured out how to use the SP to teleport rather than the battle Artakha just described, plus treason of her own second-in-command. Classic scientist lol.I wonder if Bajnok almost flying apart but holding himself coherent was helped or hindered by his ghostly state. I'm inclined to think that Team Cipher assumed it would help, and it probably did until the Totem hit the Kanoka, and then it probably hindered. But I also like it not really being clear either way; more mysterious that way.Brute versus a Makuta -- Brute. :PI loved the moment of the Agent speaking. A history-making moment, just in three words, merely because he spoke. And the words he said have far-reaching consequences. It now appears Makan's conspiracy theory is right, except that Izumal is not to blame, but the Guild. Of course, this begs the question of whether the Enlightened will lie, and why they are (claiming to be) NOT behind it considering they apparently made it clear they oppose the Merging. Of course, I know the answers to these. :ziplip: :PWeird-cool moment when all that stuff starts raining out, especially the tree. I detect Takuta-Nui style in that one, methinks. :) And nice to have Zuruk think of Dataguard Alpha; the closing moments of the final chapter are given to him, racing to the top and saving an important artifact. Hopefully it won't go to his head lol.Can't wait for the epilogue. I'll review one more time when it's up. Thanks for doing this, TC!
  • 0

#26 Offline TakunuvaC01

TakunuvaC01
  • Members
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,192 posts
  •  

Posted Jul 21 2012 - 11:59 AM

Posted Image

It's been two years since Takuta-Nui contacted me to let me know I'd been chosen as a future guest writer. I'll admit that I was quite surprised. I never imagined for a second that my writing would be selected to stand on equal ground with that of bonesiii, Takuta-Nui, and Swert- all of whom I've read and greatly enjoyed over the past few years.I didn't start work on the episode immediately- originally this was not even going to be my episode. But due to some complications, I was brought onboard first to help edit episode 4 and then to write episode 5.I started working on episode 5 in September of 2010, I believe. I first thought I would be able to quickly finish it, but real life complications kept arising and it took longer and longer to finish it. Finally, Takuta-Nui stepped in and wrote the last half of Chapter 9 and the Epilogue. Partly, this was because of original plans for the next episode to be written by him- it would have been like a two-parter. Unfortunately, those plans were scrapped with his retirement from the team.Of course, we couldn't even begin to post the epic until Episode 4 was finished, and fortunately (or unfortunately), episode 4 was extremely long. Which meant it would be a long time before this episode saw the light of day. And then, the forums went down in the summer of 2011. And by the time they did come back I was even busier. So it wasn't until recently that I reached out to bonesiii and we worked together on editing and preparing Current Events for posting.It was quite an experience. Even though my involvement with the Multiverse was fairly minimal, even though there were various issues in bringing this episode out, it was still amazing and highly enjoyable to write. It was an honor to be able to make this sort of contribution to the Multiverse.There are a few scenes I think are worthy of edits- the scene with M'konglii and some of the scenes bonesiii mentions below. I'll try to get that done soon. Other than that, I guess this is it.Thanks for reading and reviewing! I appreciate all comments, even the ones I didn't directly reply to. :)

The scene where they access the blimp's computers, camera, and consider a stun gas reminded me of countless Star Trek episodes with similar scenarios aboard a starship. Good memories lol.

Yeah, that's where the scene came from. :P

Now that I think of it perhaps there was a slight missed opportunity in identifying why this blimp would be equipped with a stun gas option though lol. What just came to mind now was that one of them would happen to glance at a readout and notice that the gas used in the blimp itself is capable of stunning, but also of killing if it's too concentrated, basically by pushing out oxygen. Maybe there would be a warning there not to activate certain releases if people were in those sections where the gas is stored, and they could figure it out from there by activating an air circulation connection with that storage section that is normally only used when the gas tanks are safely sealed. Perhaps they would also have to access the Wiki-Nui reference website to find out the safe amount to use to stun the smaller beings there.

Hmm, I sort of thought of it like... it's a science vessel, so it's not too much of a stretch to say that they have a handful of different gaseous compounds onboard, plus gases used in the operation of the blimp itself. I guess I was thinking that Team Star Portal is really just a bunch of scientists doing all sorts of research in all sorts of different fields- so you'll have, say, a high energy physicist studying the energies of the star portal, a biologist checking for signs of life, a chemist studying the compounds that make it up, and so on. It's a pure research team, studying how the Star Portal affects their various fields, simply because no one knows enough about the Star Portal to do any more directed research.And then Artakha, being technically savvy, does some computer hackery to mix some gases together into something capable of stunning or killing. This could be explicitly stated though to make it clearer.Levitaas, on the other hand, being basically a soldier, who's probably been in situations like this before, just sort of assumes that it's possible and tells the technical guy (Artakha) to make it happen.Of course- another option is that simply because it's (supposedly, anyway) a high security project there's various defense mechanisms built into the ship that can be activated to prevent the research from falling into enemy hands. The criminals bypass them because they've already infiltrated it, Artakha just turns some on. That might be a simpler explanation.

I love Bajnok's reaction to "perfectly simple." I kinda borrowed it in a similar moment in the Paracosmos fanfic I'm writing now in fact. :P

Heh, alright. I'm glad I was a good inspiration. :P

One thing I think kinda got lost there was the sense of how much time it would take ghost-Bajnok to go through Tribal, etc. and get into place for this. It kinda feels too instant, yanno? Maybe something should be edited about how a small flying vehicle will be brought through the Totem, something that is rarely if ever allowed, or perhaps the Tribal people currently have both of those Totem Towers nearby, "looking at the same awesome scenery", so the Olmak Effect will be very bad there but Bajnok will pretty much just have to climb down one tower and right up the next... dodging anomalies... I dunno, it's a thought.

I admit I noticed this when posting the chapter.Is it possible to bring a vehicle through a Totem? Is there a size limit on what a Totem can teleport? I guess these might be questions for the EM Discussion Topic but I'll ask them here. :PI think I'd go with M'konglii having arranged things so the two totems are close enough for Bajnok to travel quickly- I guess this fits in with his scene in the team meeting in Chapter 6.

I love everything about when he enters, uses, and leaves the Star Portal (for this one I'm talking partly to Takuta-Nui I think). Especially the use of Makan's Kanoka. It feels completely planned from the start yet unexpected. I kinda forget off the top of my head if we did plan that scene that way from the start, but clearly the Kanoka -was- going to be involved somehow or another.

You know... I don't think we did plan it, not completely at least. I think we sort of planned pieces of it, like what the Kanoka did and that the artifact was going to be in the Star Portal, and Takuta-Nui mixed everything together and produced awesomeness out of it.

Edited by TakunuvaC01, Jul 21 2012 - 12:01 PM.

  • 0

Posted Image


#27 Offline TLhikan

TLhikan
  • Members
  • Descending into Protodermis

  • 1,009 posts
  •  

Posted Jul 22 2012 - 12:41 PM

This was a truly well-written and thought out epic, and sorry to see it's over already. I'm not one for long review, but suffice to say that I liked this story :P.-TLhikan
  • 0

"So I'm TL now?"
"Yeah, 'cuz if we said it the other way it'd have to be TLhiKHAAN!!"


#28 Offline Toa of Italy

Toa of Italy
  • Members
  • Lightning Voyager

  • 325 posts
  •  

Posted Jul 23 2012 - 04:39 AM

I'll review the last chapter and the Epilogue.The description of Bajnok's thoughts while in the Star Portal is, I think, the best part of the chapter. It's more detailed than the one about Artakha in an earlier chapter and conveys very well the way Bajnok has to shape his thoughts in order to control the Star Portal.I also liked the battle scene, very intense and chaotic - just as a battle should be.Like bonesiii, I noticed that Bajnok seems to arrive in Promathus a bit too quickly, but I understand the need for him to do so. A similar thing also occurred in Sticks and Stones (when Team Cipher crosses the Rockfoot lands in just more than a day, or at least that was how it seemed to me).As for the Epilogue, I liked Makan's final description and dialogue with Zuruk. It depicts the Matoran as an honest and sensitive being, like an Alarist citizen should be.I also loved the final scene, which although short is beautifully written. It also sparked a theory about Bajnok's (if it was him) whereabouts.I can't help feeling that this episode was too short. Everything seems to solve itself too quickly and leaves a lot of unsolved mysteries. I simply hope that some of these aren't forgotten in future episodes.
  • 0

#29 Offline TakunuvaC01

TakunuvaC01
  • Members
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,192 posts
  •  

Posted Jul 23 2012 - 08:13 PM

I can't help feeling that this episode was too short. Everything seems to solve itself too quickly and leaves a lot of unsolved mysteries. I simply hope that some of these aren't forgotten in future episodes.

Well, you may be comparing a bit it to Sticks and Stones, which was about as long as all the other episodes put together. :P But I would agree that it's a bit short, yes.As I said above, this was actually originally to be directly continued by Takuta-Nui in another epic, and the ending was written with that in mind. Those plans fell through, but I think I can safely promise (even from my limited knowledge of future Multiverse plans), that many of the plot threads developed here will be picked up in the future.

  • 0

Posted Image


#30 Offline LewaLew

LewaLew
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Retired Staff
  • Senior Staff

  • 3,385 posts
  •   Retired Staff

Posted Aug 27 2012 - 08:26 PM

This is what I get, I suppose, for vanishing.Nonetheless, I was pleased to finally read a new episode of the Cipher Chronicles following the long, long wait.I found this episode entertaining. Part of it sci-fi, part whodunit crime story. The mystery of the Star Portal was a great element of suspense, bringing a constant feeling of its as-of-then unknown importance to whatever is going on.The weakest portions, I think, were the appearances of Kyn. For all of his importance in past episodes and his development as a character, in Current Events he never seems to do anything unexpected, and does not seem to suffer any from the revelation of his true identity in Sticks and Stones. Granted, Current Events is meant to focus on Zuruk, but Kyn has become such an important character in the Cipher Chronicles that anything less seems lacking.Chapter 9 and the epilogue do an excellent job of setting up questions for the next episode, It will be interesting to see what becomes of Bajnok.And lastly, concerning my invention, Dataguard Alpha. His first appearance in the story seemed unnecessary. Like it was simply there to mention him since he won the contest. However, his second and third appearances were more of what I expected of him, the first as comic relief, and both as examples of him simply doing his job--protecting artifacts. And I must admit I was gleeful at finding DG Alpha to be the one to save the Totem in the finale.Of all the contest creations in this episode, (besides the Star Portal) Sorek the Observer intrigues me most. His appearance was brief, and the mystery that had surrounded him seems to have been mostly exposed. It has been replaced, however, by his connection to Zuruk, and provides more mystery for the future of Cipher Chronicles.Eager for the next episode, as always.

Edited by LewaLew, Aug 27 2012 - 08:27 PM.

  • 0

#31 Offline Mj. Spoilers

Mj. Spoilers
  • Members
  • Emerging Ice Warrior

  • 1,880 posts
  •  

Posted Nov 14 2012 - 12:37 AM

Just finished reading the latest chapter, and I was not disappointed! Keep up the good work, and I can't wait for the next bit! (Though judging by how long it's been since the last update, I might have to.)
  • 0

Political sigs, posts, and PMs are not allowed on BZPower. This includes other topics related to politics such as abortion or gun control as well as any statement promoting or insulting certain political ideologies.

 

"Even shadows can shine if given the chance." - BZPRPG 2013

Onepu, Kehuri, the recluse, Aar, Phantom, Demos, Priicu - BZPRPG Characters

 

If you interact with one of my characters and weren't already doing so, please PM me to let me know!





0 user(s) are browsing this forum

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users