The Hunter In The Woods.

[PooZy]

The savage chunk of oozing flesh sat in a decaying glade, surrounded by a shroud of mechanical insects. Blood leaked endlessly from the unrecognisable mess of veins, muscle and gristle. Three spires of bone protruded from the rotting meat, they were stained a pinkish grey. Its foul odour forced the hunter to wince. He pushed his shiny black body further down into the undergrowth that he had wrapped himself in. His face was scratched and shattered from a life-time of misuse, yet his luminous blue eyes shone through with a youthful vigour.Cautiously, a large green animal poked its horned head from the dense forest walls surrounding the glade. Its red eyes gleamed with a frantic excitement, and its sideways jaws began to whir with the thought of a new meal. Slowly treading from the trees and shrubs, the rest of the animals body was revealed. It had long arms that ended in a wicked blade like a Prey Mantis, a crown of four elegantly curved spines rested on its armoured back, ending with thick and powerful legs and a broad arched tail.The hunter sunk himself into the soil, his face intently set on the large beast mere meters before him. Achingly slowly, he reached for a long serrated knife at his side. He clasped its handle tightly. Arching his back and readying his legs, the hunter casually slipped into a pre-combat stance. His knife was held parallel to the ground.The monster relaxed and crept up to the rotting meat where it noisily chewed down gristle and flesh. The hunter saw his brief opportunity and pounced at a ferocious speed, long knife slashing violently at the startled creature. With near impossible speed the animal darted backwards, dodging the blade by no more than a hands width. It craned its head down and looked up at the hunter, emitting a loud oscillating growl. Without missing a beat the hunter corrected his position and thrust his blade into his prey's shoulder, only to have it deflected by the animal's tough hide. Pulling back on his weapon the serrated edges caught the skin and tore it open. The animal yelped and whipped the knife from the hunters hand with a quick tug. It lowered its head once again and growled... deeper and louder.In response, half a dozen more of the animals bounded in from the glade's borders. Now outmatched, the hunter span around and dived into the undergrowth behind himself. He crawled quickly to the tree line and righted himself, sprinting amongst the labyrinth of tree roots. The creatures erupted into a frenzy of chattering noises before separating into two groups and climbing into the tall trees. They rushed through the network of canopies above the running hunter, managing to over take him as he struggled over a collapsed tree pillar. Releasing themselves from the trees they dropped weightily onto the soft earth in front of the hunter, surrounding his flanks and closing in hesitantly. Bowing his legs and raising his right arm to his side, the hunter grew a black three-pointed star from his hand. His eyes dimmed greatly and flickered from the effort. The creatures flinched in their advance, unsure as to the development of their situation. One of them leapt forward and was instantly tossed aside as the hunter span his new weapon at it. In an elegant movement the hunter bolted over the tree pillar again, rolling underneath it so that his body was hidden. The animals hummed anxiously but were confident once again as their fallen comrade twisted back onto its feet and howled with anger. Working in unison the beasts loaded their backs against the log and heaved at it. It began to shift, rolling gradually onto its side. The hunter tensed underneath the log as it began to squash him into the soil. His metallic chest crumpled under the weight and his eyes dimmed so that they were only just visible against his black face. With one final surge of energy, the hunter ripped his spiked arm from the ground and sawed the log up the middle. Splinters filled the air and the creatures released the log as their view was obscured and the wood ripped apart. Groaning with pain the hunter turned his hand and pushed the weapon into the ground, as it span it pulled his damaged body from the crushing power of the fallen tree.One of the braver animals aimlessly ramped over the broken log through the dust-filled air and turned to face the hunter, lashing with its slicing claws. They caught the his face, scratching it once more. Before he had time to regroup his thoughts the creature pushed with its hind legs to lift its entire front from the ground, and tipping forwards it rammed the hunter into the log so that he was nailed by the crown of spikes on the creatures back. As the wood split the hunter's head flopped sideways and his eyes struggled to remain shining.Flexing his shoulders, he reached up with his hands. His eyes flickered on and off with the strain, but he finally clenched his face in his fists. He pulled, and with a shallow clunk it detached. Curious, the animal raised its head to meet with the hunter. Its eyes widened, and it began to battle with the log that its back was now glued to. Gathering his remaining energy the hunter turned around his severed face so that he looked into its eye-holes. The creature desperately fought with the bark of the tree, scraping the wood with its claws and eroding deep lacerations in the soil as it feverishly toiled. In a sharp forceful movement the hunter jammed his face onto the animal's head and its vast body shot back out of the tree as if it had been hit by an electric bolt. The hunter's eyes faded to almost nothing at all and his skin had peeled back over his body as result of the creatures brutal skirmish. The other beasts had now worked up the courage to hurdle the log and surrounded the hunter, but they did not attack. They gazed at their comrade as it writhed in vicious agony, its limbs clawing at the edges of the mask on its face. Then they gazed at the hunter. He was but a steel frame, stuffed with whirring gears and levers. A few patches of damaged skin remained draped over his mechanical body, and he swayed side to side - steadying himself against the log. The creatures screamed like a high-pitch siren and fled into the forest, leaving their fallen twitching friend lying in the dust. The hunter strolled up to it. It was lifeless and its flesh had sunken so that it looked like a simple skeleton with a rug thrown over the top. The hunter picked his face from the animal, which then flung itself back onto his head with a strong magnetism. In unison, the animal's skin bursted off the grey skeleton and wrapped around the hunter's limbs and body.His eyes glowed with a blinding white light.

[Nuile the Paracosmic Tulpa]

That was . . . well, that was a lot of things. It was fascinating, exciting, unnerving, and a bit nauseating. But all of these are good in that it worked overall as you intended. It was an enthralling scene full of action and detailed description. It was vivid, although that was what put me off at first; the opening sentence, as well as the last paragraph or so, were gory to an unnecessary point. When biomechanical creatures are given flesh and blood it takes on a hollow feel. Cruor for cruor's sake is meaningless.Your writing style was smooth at times and choppy at others. It reminds me much of my style as it used to be; I've learned that unnecessary details in description bog down the story, especially action sequences. A great piece of advice I once heard is that verbs, not adjectives, carry the real descriptive power. Adverbs and adjectives describe words, and they're a necessity--but oftentimes words should be allowed to describe themselves.A pet peeve of mine is grammar. Call me crazy, but mistakes interrupt the story for me. And there were a fair few here, which slowed things down. "Hands width," "creatures back"--both of which should have been possessive, not plural--span in place of spun many times (to the point that the word, misused or not, was overused), and "over take" should have been overtake, were several.

Groaning with pain, the hunter turned his hand and pushed the weapon into the ground. As it span, it pulled his damaged body from the crushing power of the fallen tree.

The modifications I suggest to this sentence are in emboldened green. You'll see span there, too, which is no longer the past tense of spin. The first comma is in a place where, as I saw many times throughout your prose, a comma could have been placed to give a pause to an otherwise long sentence. It doesn't sound right without that comma. Read it aloud and you'll hear what I mean. Now, I placed a period where your previously had a comma, because in my opinion it sounded like two sentences awkwardly combined. Alternatively, you could replace that period with a semicolon or a comma and an and, but these might be awkward as well.

One of the braver animals aimlessly ramped over the broken log through the dust-filled air and turned to face the hunter, lashing with its slicing claws.

That doesn't seem very aimless, and I believe you meant romped.

They caught the his face, scratching it once more.

Merely a typographical error, obviously, but I thought I'd point it out.Overall I thought it was a great story; well-written, exciting. That's an interesting creature you've concocted there--the hunter--whatever it is. I thank you for entertaining me!

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith