Worth

[Noble Tehurye]

Hi fellow BZP users. After becoming active again I decided to try my hand at writing a short story. I was heavily inspired by the MNOLG, especially the Le-Koro sequence and Tamaru’s behavior. I was also inspired by Paleo’s short tale “Care”, and Demon Jester’s short story, “Free”. If you haven’t read them, then I would recommend doing so. They’re great! If you find my story too inspired and not original enough, then feel free to tell me. I don't want to be a plagarist.I am open to criticism, and, in fact, I would appreciate it. If you have suggestions, then I am always open to editing it. So here goes:

Worth

By Tehurye

Little sound filtered down through the dense jungle canopy onto the jungle floor. Perhaps, now and then, a faint buzzing or clacking could be heard, perhaps the sounds of a Nui-Rama. Or perhaps it was just the the imagination.But these sounds meant more to the small Le-Matoran at the bottom of the tree. Half hanging, half sitting on the bottom rung of a vine ladder that snaked upward into the canopy until it was out of sight, he swung his feet a few inches above the jungle floor. Holding a throwing disk slackly in his hands, he was lost in thought.How do I feel?, he asked himself, for he felt a need to define his feelings even to himself.Sad? Maybe, but that’s not the heart of it. Lonely? A little, but I have friends.Useless.The dreadful word echoed around in his brain until it hurt. Useless. I have no worth.There is almost nothing worse than having no worth, he decided. And why am I worthless?I am afraid of heights. It was true, he knew. While he displayed the agility and cleverness associated with all Le-Matoran, bounding through the trees at great heights terrified him. There was the fear of slipping, and then falling, falling, falling............And so he could not fly with the Gukko Force, and could not go windsprinting with his friends to collect supplies or bear messages. The other Matoran skirted the issue when they could, and tried to be kind to him. They brought him back souvenirs of their aerial journeys and let him pet the great Kahu and Gukko birds. But it was not enough to fill his emptiness.I have no worth, he repeated. Le-Koro doesn’t need me, and I use up space. I should leave. But as he considered this, he remembered Turaga Matau. I asked him once, he recalled. I asked him what my value was. He told me........ every living thing has value. Everything alive has worth, for it was created with a purpose. Even you.But he must not have thought very much about me. I really have no worth. As the sad thought filled his mind, he lost his sense of balance and slipped from the rung. With a gasp, he stretched out and grabbed the vine that made up the side of the ladder. It held firm, and he swayed in the air. Dropping to the ground, he examined the ladder, and remembered.I made this ladder. He tugged on it, first one way, then the other. Leaning his whole weight on it, he pulled it with all his strength. But it held firm.It is strong, he thought. It is a good ladder. My friend Makani always told me that I make good vine ladders.Does that give me worth?, he wondered. Possibly, but I am still mostly useless. I sit down here, out of the way, so that I don’t hamper the flyers.Is that really what I am doing here? He reconsidered. Suddenly, his view of the forest before him changed. It twisted, warped by his mind, until he saw Le-Koro. But not the bright, sing-song Le-Koro that he knew. This Le-Koro was devastated. The huts were burning, the air was silent. Cautiously, he crept forward in his mind to examine the damage. On the ground, several figures lay prone, unbreathing...........No!, he cried out, and the vision ceased. Calming down, he considered. All my friends. Kongu, Sanso, Makani.......... if the Rahi attacked Le-Koro from below, then it would not matter if they won the fight in the air. So that is why..........A little awed, he continued. So that is why I am here. I am guarding Le-Koro from below. And that is useful.A change came over the Matoran then. His body straightened, his arms lifted. Holding his disk resolutely, he watched the silent forest before him. I am useful. There are those who care about me. And I care about them.I have worth.Also, please note: I do not intend to define the character as being Tamaru, however I have refrained from mentioning Tamaru otherwise in the story, so that idea is always open. You can fill in the blanks as you see fit. Also, to avoid confusion, this does occur before the events of the MNOLG, during a common Rahi attack on Le-Koro, and before the coming of the Toa.

[<Reverb>]

Wow, this is so good.I recently read "Care" by paleo which I found enjoyable. This is how members are digging into the meaning and beginning of the matoran. I really thik this is interesting and I applaud you for this short. They need a backstory, the matoran. Can't wait til Greg makes something canon....~Gravity

[Noble Tehurye]

Wow, this is so good.I recently read "Care" by paleo which I found enjoyable. This is how members are digging into the meaning and beginning of the matoran. I really thik this is interesting and I applaud you for this short. They need a backstory, the matoran. Can't wait til Greg makes something canon....~Gravity

Thanks! I'm glad you appreciated my writing. "Care" really set off the idea for me of delving into the mental and emotional lives of the Matoran, and things that were going on for thousands of years on Mata Nui before the coming of the Toa.

[Nuile the Paracosmic Tulpa]

Very well done. There is a very fluidic and choicely descriptive aspect to your prose that I like. And its an interesting little story you told here, taking us into this Matoran's mind as he contemplates his place--and his worth. It's a question that everyone asks themself eventually, I think. Overall I liked how he thought the matter out, although it was just a little bit rushed. Also, the vision was random and confusing. It took me a moment to understand that he wasn't actually seeing these things.Grammatically you did well. One thing that did bother me was that there was no distinction between the protagonist's thoughts and the third-person narration. I think you should have either written in first person or designated his thoughts with italics. Further nitpicks:

He told me........ every living thing has value. Everything alive has worth, for it was created with a purpose. Even you.

First off, that ellipsis. That recurring ellipsis. You do realize that there are supposed to be only three periods in an ellipsis, right? Moreover, there should be a space before and after.Second: No, not me, but that's what it sounds like. Either the protagonist, in his thoughts, should have said even me, or better yet Matau's words should have been within quotations.

Does that give me worth?, he wondered.

Periods are replaced with commas, but you don't need a comma after another punctuation mark. I'm glad you use commas properly on the whole, though, because many use periods instead (and I was once one!), and that repulses me, to be honest. Bad memories, perhaps. But mostly my phobia for improper grammar.Overall, excellent work. It was a nice, short little piece here; thoughtful, just the way I like them.

From the desk of Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

[Noble Tehurye]

The grammar mistakes are really my fault. Ironically, I just took a grammar course in which grammar involving quotation marks was a very stressed point. My teacher should be pounding me with a wooden mallet right now. (I'm joking, of course, she's actually very nice.)And I agree, my transitions, especially into the vision, needed a lot more work. I probably should have taken the time to stretch it out a little and make it clearer, if I have to work on anything when I'm writing a story then that would be it.Nonetheless, thank you all for reading (and perhaps enjoying) my story! And thank you especially, Nuile. I greatly enjoy and admire your work, and the fact that you enjoyed my little tale really means a lot to me. It made my day.In case any of you are interested, I am working on another tale. It'll be called "Defense" or something of the sort, and it will have a similar idea: digging into the lives of the Matoran during unexplored years. It will also be more character-based than "Worth", and have a larger (relativity) storyline. I hope to show it to y'all soon. The main kink is that, again, I need to work on slowing it down. It has serious rushing problems at the moment.Peace to all!

[Steelsheen]

Tehurye, Okay, if this isn't Tamaru, it's his twin. I'm just saying. But that's great; I always felt Tamaru was such a neglected character and had great potential. I mean, a Le-matoran who's scared of heights? It doesn't get any more emotionally stretching. The others have commented on your grammar, etc., so I'd rather focus on the story itself. It has no strict "plotline"; it's the musings of one Matoran. No action, no dialogue, even. And you pulled it off brilliantly. The character (read Tamaru) is just working through an emotional slump, but it's so real, so human (sorry, there wasn't another word to express what I meant. If you can find a Bio Universe word that's better, I'll use it) that we can't help thinking back on our own moments of feeling worthless. But your story ends better than most of ours - the character does discovers that he's been automatically doing, without any thought of reward, an action that is worth something. Philosophically and emotionally excellent!-HH

[Noble Tehurye]

Tehurye, Okay, if this isn't Tamaru, it's his twin. I'm just saying. But that's great; I always felt Tamaru was such a neglected character and had great potential. I mean, a Le-matoran who's scared of heights? It doesn't get any more emotionally stretching. The others have commented on your grammar, etc., so I'd rather focus on the story itself. It has no strict "plotline"; it's the musings of one Matoran. No action, no dialogue, even. And you pulled it off brilliantly. The character (read Tamaru) is just working through an emotional slump, but it's so real, so human (sorry, there wasn't another word to express what I meant. If you can find a Bio Universe word that's better, I'll use it) that we can't help thinking back on our own moments of feeling worthless. But your story ends better than most of ours - the character does discovers that he's been automatically doing, without any thought of reward, an action that is worth something. Philosophically and emotionally excellent!-HH

Thank you very kindly. I will tell the truth: I based the Matoran on myself. I have had long periods of thought when I was depressed. I'm very outspoken as well, so if I told anyone else the truth they wouldn't believe it. But the truth is that I am very introspective.I'm glad you enjoyed my work!

[Aderia]

Hey, so I saw this story a while back, but I didn't get around to dropping a reveiw until now. Sorry bout that.Anyways, I definitely give this a thumbs up. Your story is short and very sweet, I like it. I think I can also see where you drew a bit of inspiration from 'Care' and 'Free'. You've got good taste ;)I only have a few nitpicks to point out.

Or perhaps it was just the the imagination.

An extra 'the' snuck in there like a ninja.

How do I feel?,he asked himself

I think Nuile already touched on this but to reiterate, commas aren't needed after punctuation like that.

Useless.

This is more personal opinion, but I feel like it would read better as "Unless..."

The dreadful word echoed around in his brain until it hurt. Useless. I have no worth.

Again, opinion, I think those two sentences would read better as one, and apparently the Microsoft Word document I copied the story onto agrees.

And so he could not fly with the Gukko Force, and could not go windsprinting with his friends to collect supplies or bear messages. The other Matoran skirted the issue when they could, and tried to be kind to him. They brought him back souvenirs of their aerial journeys and let him pet the great Kahu and Gukko birds. But it was not enough to fill his emptiness.

And there's nothing wrong with that paragraph, I just really liked it. I want to applaud your used of treespeak, and how you breathed all that color into Le-Koro with your descriptions. Good work there. :biggrin:Overally, I did enjoy this little tale of self-discovery, and you did a very good job tying in the title with the story. Keep up the good work, and I hope to read more from you soon!

[Noble Tehurye]

Thank you very much Aderia. Please, feel no remorse for taking a while to drop me a review, doubtless you're much busier than I am. I don't expect everyone to give me a review. But I do appreciate it when someone does, and I can tell that you enjoyed it. I agree, some of my formatting and grammar was a little off. But about the Useless bit.....I meant it to be that way, deliberately. I set it out from the rest of the paragraph to give emphasis on that word. The word Unless wouldn't have made much sense, because the Matoran asked himself How do I feel? So Useless is a definition of how he feels (he's defining his feeling to himself). I say that just to let you know why I did that, I'm not trying to make you feel silly or anything of the sort. Sorry.......But again, thank you very much!