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Equality

Great Beings Kilnii Sad

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#1 Offline Steelsheen

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Posted Jun 07 2012 - 05:09 PM

Equality

Worlds have been broken, shattered, slainA million million scream in painThe stars in their courses wail and weepTo see the shadows drive the lightTo the abyss of endless nightTwo Guardians watch in sorrow deep

- - -

It began amid the wreck and ruin of another world. Bara Magna had crumbled; it's people ran scattered, divided, leaderless. The once lush planet had become a desert of grey dust. It was, even to Laramd's eyes, a sight of utter hopelessness; a monument to his latest catastrophe. "Again." said the being who walked at his side. "Again, we fail. We gave them everything, and it is not enough. This world falls like the last." Laramd sighed, jabbing his ebony curved spear into the sand. "Is it worth it, brother? Will they not always turn on us? Rahi, Matoran and Agori alike all seek to destroy the beauty that we give them. A perfect world may never be made." His companion stroked his golden chin in deep thought. "It may be so, brother." "It must be so," Laramd corrected, his usual joy replaced by deep gloom. "As long as our work is tainted by Exiver, the bright morning is always extinguished. All our work turned to despair and ruin." "That is so." the gold being answered. "And such being the case, how can we prevent Exiver's shadows?" Laramd's dark violet armor gleamed in the sun as he laughed. "Prevent Exiver? You would have better luck at passing yourself off as an Agori, my friend." "Ever have we striven to contain the power we give to the worlds we make." his companion mused, more to himself than to Laramd. "Fearing that the masses would slaughter each other and descend into chaos, we have reserved power to a few elite. Being made rulers of the world, charged with keeping the peace, have they not always turned their backs on us, and rejected our teaching?" "What are you suggesting, Orlathir?" Orlathir's gold torso swelled as he took a deep breath. "We will make a new world. A world where the power is not given to a few, but to all. Each being an equal of the other, none will have the right to set himself above others, or indeed have the ability to do this. A world of beings thus made equal may succeed where oligarchies of the past have failed." Laramd considered his brother's words carefully. As two of the three Great Beings, it behoved them to think long and hard before beginning another failure, like this planet. "And if this place where to be made, with all beings having equal power, should not they have judges to guard them from war?" Orlathir nodded slowly. "But the judges, they must be made without the power to harm the people. Else we shall see what we saw with Mata Nui and Makuta once more." The violet being pulled his spear out of the sand. "Then let us away from this dreadful place, brother, before Exiver learns of this plan." As the two glided swiftly upwards through the atmosphere, Laramd added, "What shall we call this new race that is to have such equality?" "Kilnii." Orlathir answered deliberately. "And their judges will be called Ara."

- - -

Equality's promises would not lastThe two would not learn from their darkened pastA new world of pain and grief would they makeA place wrung by war and ruled by greedWould never give help to those in needOf one land to heal the endless ache

- - -

"But you don't really believe that, do you, grandma?" asked a young Kilnii, staring into the fireplace as the age-old tale ended. "You don't think there's no hope." The tender old eyes watered. "No, of course not, Shya. There is always hope. We just can't look to the Ara or other Kilnii for it. We make our own hope, little one." Contented by her grandmother's lie, Shya leaned against the side of her chair and her eyes slowly closed.

Edited by Hahli Historian, Jun 22 2012 - 08:08 AM.

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#2 Offline Tehurye

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Posted Jun 08 2012 - 07:22 AM

Wow. This is really........ wow.You have a lot of talent! Here you have, essentially, designed your own alternate aspect of the Bionicle Universe, without being unbelievable. Your descriptions are beautifully done, and I like the dialect of the.......... Elemental Lords? Just guessing.......... it was very well planned out and sounds like something you would expect to hear from them.

"Ever have we striven to contain the power we give to the worlds we make." his companion mused, more to himself than to Laramd. "Fearing that the masses would slaughter each other and descend into chaos, we have reserved power to a few elite. Being made rulers of the world, charged with keeping the peace, have they not always turned their backs on us, and rejected our teaching?"

"We will make a new world. A world where the power is not given to a few, but to all. Each being an equal of the other, none will have the right to set himself above others, or indeed have the ability to do this. A world of beings thus made equal may succeed where oligarchies of the past have failed."

I really like these two lines. They show a very deep and interesting history, and they betray a good deal of wisdom and experience. On the part of the speakers and the writer. :sigh:The ending paragraph just made me cry. Not that it was especially sad (although it was that, to a degree), but it was so beautiful. It also leaves the readers in suspense, waiting for more.You've got an amazing piece of work here! Please, keep writing! You should be proud of yourself.

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#3 Offline Steelsheen

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Posted Jun 08 2012 - 09:10 AM

Wow. This is really........ wow.You have a lot of talent! Here you have, essentially, designed your own alternate aspect of the Bionicle Universe, without being unbelievable. Your descriptions are beautifully done, and I like the dialect of the.......... Elemental Lords? Just guessing.......... it was very well planned out and sounds like something you would expect to hear from them.

"Ever have we striven to contain the power we give to the worlds we make." his companion mused, more to himself than to Laramd. "Fearing that the masses would slaughter each other and descend into chaos, we have reserved power to a few elite. Being made rulers of the world, charged with keeping the peace, have they not always turned their backs on us, and rejected our teaching?"

"We will make a new world. A world where the power is not given to a few, but to all. Each being an equal of the other, none will have the right to set himself above others, or indeed have the ability to do this. A world of beings thus made equal may succeed where oligarchies of the past have failed."

I really like these two lines. They show a very deep and interesting history, and they betray a good deal of wisdom and experience. On the part of the speakers and the writer. :sigh:The ending paragraph just made me cry. Not that it was especially sad (although it was that, to a degree), but it was so beautiful. It also leaves the readers in suspense, waiting for more.You've got an amazing piece of work here! Please, keep writing! You should be proud of yourself.

Thank you, Tehurye! This story was just an idea that I couldn't banish. The Great Beings are talked about all the time, but we never actually see them (They're not Element Lords, btw; they are the bona fide Great Beings). So what are they doing all this time after making the world? Do they just sit back with a cup of lemonade and watch TV? Or, and this was my thought, do they take the part of wildlife documenter? They don't allow themselves to interfere; they just watch to see what happens. My historical experience is mainly second-hand, being quite young myself, but I've always been fascinated with psychology and anthropology. Hence, my Great Beings muse through the descent of any form of government (save a republic) into an oligarchy. Even the island of Mata-Nui was like that - six Turaga held the ultimate authority. Granted that they ruled well and wisely, but they were authority figures, nontheless. Yes, I couldn't resist throwing in that last little paragraph, even though I felt in some ways, it didn't belong with the style. But Shya just added that little spark of sad that I was looking for. So, again, thanks for reading, and may I compliment you on your own mode of writing?-HH

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#4 Offline Tehurye

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Posted Jun 08 2012 - 01:14 PM

Wow. This is really........ wow.You have a lot of talent! Here you have, essentially, designed your own alternate aspect of the Bionicle Universe, without being unbelievable. Your descriptions are beautifully done, and I like the dialect of the.......... Elemental Lords? Just guessing.......... it was very well planned out and sounds like something you would expect to hear from them.

"Ever have we striven to contain the power we give to the worlds we make." his companion mused, more to himself than to Laramd. "Fearing that the masses would slaughter each other and descend into chaos, we have reserved power to a few elite. Being made rulers of the world, charged with keeping the peace, have they not always turned their backs on us, and rejected our teaching?"

"We will make a new world. A world where the power is not given to a few, but to all. Each being an equal of the other, none will have the right to set himself above others, or indeed have the ability to do this. A world of beings thus made equal may succeed where oligarchies of the past have failed."

I really like these two lines. They show a very deep and interesting history, and they betray a good deal of wisdom and experience. On the part of the speakers and the writer. :sigh:The ending paragraph just made me cry. Not that it was especially sad (although it was that, to a degree), but it was so beautiful. It also leaves the readers in suspense, waiting for more.You've got an amazing piece of work here! Please, keep writing! You should be proud of yourself.

Thank you, Tehurye! This story was just an idea that I couldn't banish. The Great Beings are talked about all the time, but we never actually see them (They're not Element Lords, btw; they are the bona fide Great Beings). So what are they doing all this time after making the world? Do they just sit back with a cup of lemonade and watch TV? Or, and this was my thought, do they take the part of wildlife documenter? They don't allow themselves to interfere; they just watch to see what happens. My historical experience is mainly second-hand, being quite young myself, but I've always been fascinated with psychology and anthropology. Hence, my Great Beings muse through the descent of any form of government (save a republic) into an oligarchy. Even the island of Mata-Nui was like that - six Turaga held the ultimate authority. Granted that they ruled well and wisely, but they were authority figures, nontheless. Yes, I couldn't resist throwing in that last little paragraph, even though I felt in some ways, it didn't belong with the style. But Shya just added that little spark of sad that I was looking for. So, again, thanks for reading, and may I compliment you on your own mode of writing?-HH

So it was the Great Beings? Interesting.......... They must be pretty material, or at least be using a body for themselves. I would have thought of Great Beings as not having material bodies, but here you've given them physical armor, in a very fitting way.And for a young person (as you said) you have amazing knowledge relating to psychology and political sciences. I must congratulate you again, you've obviously put a lot of work into the matter.And you've already complimented me in my own story topic. No need for repetition. This is your ground. ;)If you don't mind.............I knew there was something familiar about the names, now I remember what. Olorin has been used before. I won't say where (unless you'd like to know), but I don't blame you for not knowing. Most folks probably wouldn't know it, anyway. But the name Olorin is, technically, copyrighted.It's not a big deal, I think. Don't stress about it.

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- From the Office/Lair of Tehurye: The Talkative Scholar


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