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Monsters

Matau Hordika Nokama

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7 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Steelsheen

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Posted Jun 08 2012 - 05:04 PM

[font="chalkduster;"]Monsters[/font][font="verdana;"] Run, run away! Toa Metru Matau's legs pounded beneath him as fast as he could force them. He tried flying once more, but the wind not only ignored his command; it laughed in his face.Toa of Air, the breeze whispered, not so great without me, are you? "Why... are you... doing this?" Matau gasped, still running around and around the track. Mangled, wrecked vehicles lay scattered across the floor, tripping him and getting in his way.For fun, came the hissed reply. "Oh, great. For a timemoment, I was troubleworried you were going evilbad." Matau said in between breaths, every syllable dripping sarcasm. "Now I headknow you're just cruelmean."Save your breath for running, Toa, the wind mocked. Run, run away. He's gaining on you. Run. The creature chasing him snarled in rage, saliva dripping off it's six-inch fangs. It ran on all fours, like a Rahi, but the face bore a much more intelligent rage than a mere animal. How Matau knew that, he wasn't quite sure because he dared not look back and check, but he did know it. Hearing the sound of it's footfalls grow nearer, he pushed himself harder to get away. Away to his left, somewhere in the darkness of the track, he heard Vakama yell in pain. "Firespitter?" Matau called back, accidentally slowing his pace. "Matau!" Vakama shouted in anger. "You did it again! You've ruined everything!" The Toa of Air barely dodged a lunge by his pursuer. "Yeah, well, now I feel much less heartinclined to helpgive," he muttered. "Matau?" a lovely female voice cried. "Matau, where are you?" "Nokama!" Matau's heartlight skipped a flash. "I'm here... I'm right here. Where are you?" "Behind you!" Matau struggled to comprehend that and slowed again. "But... the rahicreature--" "--is me!" Nokama called sweetly. "Don't run away! Please." "I don't want to fearrun from you, Nokama, but that thing isn't you." Matau pleaded, still running down the endless test track. For a moment, the only sound was his own light footsteps and his ragged breathing. Then, sobs echoed in every corner of the Le-metru hub. Nokama was crying. Abruptly, Matau planted his feet and turned around. Whatever happened, no matter the danger, he would never leave Nokama alone and crying. With a snarl of hate, the creature sprang on him and ripped his Kanohi Mahiki off with it's bird-like talons. It stank of filth and decay and poison. Pain ripped through his side as it's talons gouged his chest armor. "Nokama!" Matau yelled. "Quickstop! It's me; you're hurting me!" The creature's mouth twisted into what was supposed to be a smile. "She was never here, Toa." The voice was eerily familiar. "There is only you and me. And soon, only me." Matau pitted all his strength against the attacker, but to no avail. Without the wind, he was powerless. "What are you?" he screamed. "Look me in the face and tell me you don't know," the creature chortled mirthlessly. Against his will, against reason, Matau stared straight into it's eyes. "NOOOO!"- - - - - "Matau!" Nokama shook her teammate's shoulder. "Wake up!" He shuddered, opened his eyes and recoiled. "Ahh!" Nokama Hordika rolled her eyes. "Thanks a lot." "Oh, Nokama," Matau groaned, rolling over and sitting up, "thank Mata Nui it's you." "You were screaming. I thought I'd better stop you before you brought all the Visorak on top of us," she chuckled. "Onewa and Nuju have gone to take their turn on watch. You can go back to sleep." "No!" Matau said quickly. "I'm never dreamsleeping again." The Toa Hordika of Water shook her head sympathetically. "Nightmare? We're all getting them. What sort of freak monster was it?" Matau stared. "How'd you know it was a monster?" Nokama smiled drily. "Because every other time I've woken you up, you've asked me if I do it because I care." "Oh, yeah. That." "So what kind of Visorak was getting you?" "Not a Visorak, a monster," the Toa Hordika of Air corrected. "A very scarybad, evilgrin monster." "Makuta," Nokama muttered, cursing under her breath. Matau shook his head. "Worse. I was the monster."[/font][color=#0040BF;][font="'trebuchet ms';"]-S[/color][/font]

Edited by Steelsheen, Jan 26 2013 - 05:50 PM.

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#2 Offline Athmos

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Posted Jun 08 2012 - 09:24 PM

Interesting concept. There aren't too many Metru fics around so this is a nice change. I do like the idea of the dream that Matau has, it really delves into his mind to see the struggle between him and his Rahi side.
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#3 Offline Steelsheen

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Posted Jun 09 2012 - 12:47 AM

Interesting concept. There aren't too many Metru fics around so this is a nice change. I do like the idea of the dream that Matau has, it really delves into his mind to see the struggle between him and his Rahi side.

Thanks! Yeah, I've always seen the Toa Hordika, particularly Matau, as struggling with almost dual personalities disorder. They have an animal consciousness and a Matoran/Toa consciousness that are at war with each other. And how would that feel? To have someone else inside your head, someone who is you, but isn't you? So, yeah.... rambling. ;)-HH

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#4 Offline Aderia

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Posted Jun 11 2012 - 04:10 PM

*sigh*As per usual, Hahli, no grammar/spelling/typo nitpicks to point out to you. Kudos there.Anyways, like mentioned before, you gave us an interesting concept (is there an echo in here?). I really do love the Toa Metru, and in this case, the Toa Hordika. I'm not sure what it is about them as a team and as individuals, I just love them.I kinda saw this as a good character-expansion story for Matau, you played off of his vanity very well. I really have no complaints and so now I will tell you to keep up the good work and mean it very sincerely, since I tend to overuse that saying.Keep up the good work!!
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#5 Offline Tehurye

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Posted Jun 11 2012 - 05:09 PM

Goodness, poor Matau.Once again, you have done yourself proud. The story is well set, holds the reader's interest, and has strong emotion to it.Makes me feel sorry for Matau.An interesting idea that I noted..............Makuta (and his minions) has/have been seen in the past to have the ability to control some visions, thoughts........... especially nightmares. It would be interesting if the nightmares were a part of Makuta's plan............... demoralize the Toa at possibly their darkest hour (being a Hordika), terrify them, show them what the future could be like..........I doubt that you were trying to indicate this, but it's just an interesting idea.The story flows well. The dialouge connects very well from one sentence to another, and comes across very well. You thought out your story structure very well and it is very pleasing to read. I didn't detect any grammar mistakes, but then I didn't look for them too carefully.All in all, I enjoyed reading!Please keep writing! I can tell that you enjoy it!

Edited by Tehurye, Jun 11 2012 - 05:13 PM.

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#6 Offline Steelsheen

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Posted Jun 11 2012 - 08:41 PM

*sigh*As per usual, Hahli, no grammar/spelling/typo nitpicks to point out to you. Kudos there.Anyways, like mentioned before, you gave us an interesting concept (is there an echo in here?). I really do love the Toa Metru, and in this case, the Toa Hordika. I'm not sure what it is about them as a team and as individuals, I just love them.I kinda saw this as a good character-expansion story for Matau, you played off of his vanity very well. I really have no complaints and so now I will tell you to keep up the good work and mean it very sincerely, since I tend to overuse that saying.Keep up the good work!!

Aderia, we have a mutual liking for the Toa Metru/Hordika. And Matau's always been my favorite. I think if I were handed a Toa Stone, he's probably what I'd be like. As you pointed out, he's got some vanity issues, which were just briefly hinted at in the books and WoS. And as much as I'd love to say I wrote this because of some deep philosophical need to expose vanity as a flaw, I actually got this idea from a nightmare of my own. ;)

Goodness, poor Matau.Once again, you have done yourself proud. The story is well set, holds the reader's interest, and has strong emotion to it.Makes me feel sorry for Matau.An interesting idea that I noted..............Makuta (and his minions) has/have been seen in the past to have the ability to control some visions, thoughts........... especially nightmares. It would be interesting if the nightmares were a part of Makuta's plan............... demoralize the Toa at possibly their darkest hour (being a Hordika), terrify them, show them what the future could be like..........I doubt that you were trying to indicate this, but it's just an interesting idea.The story flows well. The dialouge connects very well from one sentence to another, and comes across very well. You thought out your story structure very well and it is very pleasing to read. I didn't detect any grammar mistakes, but then I didn't look for them too carefully.All in all, I enjoyed reading!Please keep writing! I can tell that you enjoy it!

I do enjoy it, but I'm more pleased that you enjoy reading it! Your idea about Makuta/minions trying to demoralize the Toa is intriguing... To be honest, I hadn't thought of this being anything more than a short story. If you want to take that idea and run with it, feel free; I think it's a bit beyond my own skills at this point. Thanks for both your and Aderia's compliments on the grammar/spelling/dialogue!-HH

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#7 Offline Tehurye

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Posted Jun 12 2012 - 06:38 AM

To be honest, I hadn't thought of this being anything more than a short story. If you want to take that idea and run with it, feel free

Oh, I had no intention of really taking it anywhere, I just thought it was an interesting concept that you might like to hear. I'm not really going to use it (I never liked writing about nightmares!) and I won't urge you to use it, either.

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#8 Online Nick Silverpen

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Posted Jun 19 2012 - 06:27 PM

I, with everyone else here, am pleased about a Toa Metru story :) with practically all of their story pretty much told, it's fun to see a general hole that you can fill. The dialogue, especially the chutespeak, was excellent. It was a classic Matau confusion scene, and his personality was described perfectly. I don't understand what you mean with Matau having "split personality"; I mean I do in a Bionicle sense, but split personality of psychology .... Oh well:pSyntax was classic Metru Nui style, and that made it an enjoyable read. Keep it going!
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