Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. The process is easy and you can use your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account to make it even faster. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies and play member and staff-run games
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes, and vote to decide the winners
  • Participate in raffles, including exclusive raffles for new members, and win free LEGO sets
  • Send private messages to other members
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!

Posted Image


Photo

The Eleventh Hour - Review Topic

Shadows Epic

  • Please log in to reply
223 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 19 2012 - 11:10 AM

Posted ImageWelcome to the review topic for The Eleventh Hour. Comment, give constructive criticism, y'know, the usual.- Vorex
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#2 Offline Scratch

Scratch
  • Members
  • Turaga

  • 31-March 12
  • 64 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 19 2012 - 11:16 AM

Wow... Just, wow.... Best opening I've ever read, coupled with Pulse's return (which I have been waiting for since Shadows!) Overall, I'm expecting one of the greatest finales ever, and we haven't even read Chapter 1 yet!

Edited by Eredar, Jun 19 2012 - 11:21 AM.

  • 0

Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...


#3 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 19 2012 - 11:18 AM

Wow... Just, wow.... Best opening I've ever read, coupled with Pulse's return (which I have been waiting for since Shadows!) Overall, I'm expected one of the greatest finales ever, and we haven't even read Chapter 1 yet!

Thankyou, I enjoyed writing the opening.Pulse wasn't meant to return until Chapter 2, but I just thought, 'Why not?' XDI'm expecting a great finale too. :P

  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#4 Offline fishers64

fishers64
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Master of Hunger Wild

  • 05-July 10
  • 5,686 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 19 2012 - 12:01 PM

:) Plot-armor failed. That was creepy good. The weird diversion back in time felt awkward and rushed, though. Confusing like no other.
  • 0

#5 Offline The Manga Maniac Named Zac

The Manga Maniac Named Zac
  • Members
  • Flying Force!

  • 11-April 11
  • 2,381 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 19 2012 - 12:28 PM

The prologue was slightly confusing, but it was great way to start off the story.I can't wait to see the rest of it! :D
  • 0

"Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become,"-C.S. Lewis

 

I create manga. Yeah. Anyway have some links to my stuff on the site:

 

MangaManiac Stuff:

//BIONICLE Manga Concept\\

((THIS WILL BE EDITIED))

 


#6 Offline Doctor J. Wotzon

Doctor J. Wotzon
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Gahlok-Kal Crushed

  • 07-March 11
  • 4,604 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 19 2012 - 12:47 PM

So is that the same gunshot wound that he mentioned in DM:PII? Whatever it was, we all know Time Keepers have multiple lives and Vorex will return because his death in Shadows was lame etc etc.I like how it started at the end, that was some cool stuff right there.The return of Pulse, and The Shadow (even though he only appeared in the RPG before now)! The Shadow is cool this time, rather than the slimy wimp I interpreted him as during the brief interaction we had :P And he has shadow-hypnotise-y powers XDI look forward to the rest.
  • 0

not a lot of things match my avatar


#7 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 19 2012 - 04:51 PM

@Fishers: Thankyou. http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/cool.pngI'm good at being confusing. :P@Zacax: Thanks!Neither can I. :lol:@Wotz: Vorex will be awesome, and Incommodo IS dead.Thankyou. But there's more twistiness to come, here. http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/cool.pngPulse is back, but The Shadow only got mentioned (he was killed by Marendar in DM:PI). Actually, that Shadow didn't hypnotise Pulse. Think of the Symbiote from Spider-Man...As do I, Wotz, as do I.
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#8 Offline Purple God

Purple God
  • Members
  • Mata Nui Rises

  • 10-July 09
  • 20,249 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 19 2012 - 08:00 PM

I didn't really understand the prologue. Other than the fact that Inc's plot armour has given him extra lives and that there are timetravel hijinks and villain possession.But I suppose it'll get more understandable in the future.
  • 0

ULPxgev.gif

~Prepare to fight — for, evidently, you have found peace intolerable.~


#9 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 12:30 AM

@Hub: We started off four days in, and then jumped back to right after DM:PII's epilogue.Everything should be more understandable soon enough.
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#10 Offline The Otter

The Otter
  • Members
  • Voya Nui Discovered

  • 18-April 07
  • 12,551 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 01:09 AM

That prologue time-switch thing wasn't all that confusing for me.Vorex here just started this one In Media Res is all.I have no problem with that.Also, nice start, my friend. I wonder where this will turn out.
  • 0

#11 Offline Purple God

Purple God
  • Members
  • Mata Nui Rises

  • 10-July 09
  • 20,249 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 06:58 AM

@Hub: We started off four days in, and then jumped back to right after DM:PII's epilogue.Everything should be more understandable soon enough.

Ah, I see. So basically timey-wimey shenanigans?

  • 0

ULPxgev.gif

~Prepare to fight — for, evidently, you have found peace intolerable.~


#12 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 08:31 AM

@Kal: At least someone understands. XD@Hub: Not really. I'm starting at the end, and then explaining what led up to it.
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#13 Offline Doctor J. Wotzon

Doctor J. Wotzon
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Gahlok-Kal Crushed

  • 07-March 11
  • 4,604 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:23 AM

So Nekron's a Shadow now? Woah. I suppose he was a Shadow in Aftershock as well, inhabiting the body of someone? or was that guy just not Nekron at all?Also, I don't like how Pirok didn't bother to help fight the Marendar or any other world-shaping events, but it's nice to see him again nonetheless.So, I guess the Shadows made some deal with Laz to give him a new body, or something similiar?
  • 0

not a lot of things match my avatar


#14 Offline The Otter

The Otter
  • Members
  • Voya Nui Discovered

  • 18-April 07
  • 12,551 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:23 AM

The literary device is called In Media Res.Also, Vorex, you should have Aclaraung show up out of nowhere, as basically the only well-known threat to the shadows. It would be funny to have my little dragon fighting and winning. :P
  • 0

#15 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:26 AM

@Wotz: He was a Shadow in Aftershock too.Pirok wasn't near enough to New Atero to find out about the Marendar thing.Laz is a Shadow. He died in a timeline that never happened, remember? Pirok killed him?@Kal: I know, but Hub doesn't seem to be getting it, so I'm dumbing it down and lying a little bit. But In Medias Res is completely correct, more so than you might think.Don't worry, he will at least be making a cameo. The Voya-Nui Mystix are gonna be in this.
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#16 Offline Doctor J. Wotzon

Doctor J. Wotzon
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Gahlok-Kal Crushed

  • 07-March 11
  • 4,604 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:28 AM

Oh right, I forgot the backstory of the Shadows for a moment :PDerp on my part.
  • 0

not a lot of things match my avatar


#17 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:29 AM

@Wotz: How can you do that sort of thing? XD
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#18 Offline The Otter

The Otter
  • Members
  • Voya Nui Discovered

  • 18-April 07
  • 12,551 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:35 AM

Remember, Aclaraung is easily angered, very large, very dangrous, and wouldn't hesitate to rip something in half if it made him mad. :P
  • 0

#19 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:36 AM

Remember, Aclaraung is easily angered, very large, very dangrous, and wouldn't hesitate to rip something in half if it made him mad. :P

I know. He'll look good in the final battle. http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/cool.png

  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#20 Offline Doctor J. Wotzon

Doctor J. Wotzon
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Gahlok-Kal Crushed

  • 07-March 11
  • 4,604 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:38 AM

...Zar please?Or maybe those goons of mine?
  • 0

not a lot of things match my avatar


#21 Offline The Otter

The Otter
  • Members
  • Voya Nui Discovered

  • 18-April 07
  • 12,551 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:38 AM

He'd probably be the only survivor if you were a normal writer. :P EDIT: Wait, did you use him in any of your other epics after I created him?

Edited by Kal Grochi, Jun 20 2012 - 10:38 AM.

  • 0

#22 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:40 AM

@Wotz: Zar and all your goons served Ignotus, so they'd be dead.@Kal: No survivors, Kal.No, I didn't - the Mystix haven't appeared at all since Shadows.
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#23 Offline The Otter

The Otter
  • Members
  • Voya Nui Discovered

  • 18-April 07
  • 12,551 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:42 AM

Just wait, Aclaraung will find a way out.You know it.
  • 0

#24 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:43 AM

Once you know what he's up against, you won't believe that any more.
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#25 Offline The Otter

The Otter
  • Members
  • Voya Nui Discovered

  • 18-April 07
  • 12,551 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:45 AM

...Yeah, no. He'll still find a way to survive, trust me.You'll finish this epic, start writing another that takes place after this one, and he'll just swoop in like nothing ever happened.You know it.
  • 0

#26 Offline Doctor J. Wotzon

Doctor J. Wotzon
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Gahlok-Kal Crushed

  • 07-March 11
  • 4,604 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:54 AM

The goons didn't actually appear though.Zar was briefly mentioned, so I guess it makes sense that he's dead.You don't even have to name them! :begging:
  • 0

not a lot of things match my avatar


#27 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:06 AM

@Kal: He won't.I will actually write one which takes place 700 years after this, but whether or not Aclaurang swoops in will remain to be seen.Maybe.@Wotz: I don't care.Yup, he was. Thanks for remembering something. :PAgain, I don't care. XP
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#28 Offline Doctor J. Wotzon

Doctor J. Wotzon
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Gahlok-Kal Crushed

  • 07-March 11
  • 4,604 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:08 AM

How come Kal gets his characters in your epics but no matter how many times I ask you, I don't? :P
  • 0

not a lot of things match my avatar


#29 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:09 AM

How come Kal gets his characters in your epics but no matter how many times I ask you, I don't? :P

Hey, your character got mentioned by name, be glad. XDAnd only characters who are very closely connected to main characters show up.

  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#30 Offline The Otter

The Otter
  • Members
  • Voya Nui Discovered

  • 18-April 07
  • 12,551 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:11 AM

Such as Aclaraung....Wait, how is he closely connected to the main characters?
  • 0

#31 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:14 AM

@Kal: Zarnarax'll be there.
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#32 Offline Doctor J. Wotzon

Doctor J. Wotzon
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Gahlok-Kal Crushed

  • 07-March 11
  • 4,604 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:15 AM

What about Zongu? *hint hint nudge nudge*
  • 0

not a lot of things match my avatar


#33 Offline The Otter

The Otter
  • Members
  • Voya Nui Discovered

  • 18-April 07
  • 12,551 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:17 AM

What about the Key to Nongu?

@Kal: Zarnarax'll be there.

Aclaraung and Zarnarax.Well, I know which one is likely to die first.

  • 0

#34 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:18 AM

Okay, the answer to that is probably maybe.
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#35 Offline The Otter

The Otter
  • Members
  • Voya Nui Discovered

  • 18-April 07
  • 12,551 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:39 AM

Not even Vorex knows Aclaraung's master plan.Yet.
  • 0

#36 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:48 AM

I still don't care. XD
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#37 Offline The Otter

The Otter
  • Members
  • Voya Nui Discovered

  • 18-April 07
  • 12,551 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 12:55 PM

You should now.
  • 0

#38 Offline Lincoln Lee

Lincoln Lee
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 14-October 11
  • 7,563 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 01:05 PM

Maybe later. :P
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#39 Offline The Otter

The Otter
  • Members
  • Voya Nui Discovered

  • 18-April 07
  • 12,551 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 01:06 PM

Well then get to Onu-Wahi, and post as Zarnarax being confused by what Aclaraung is doing.Because in that universe, he doesn't know about Aclaraung's special diet.
  • 0

#40 Offline Scratch

Scratch
  • Members
  • Turaga

  • 31-March 12
  • 64 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2012 - 03:14 PM

Huh? I din't leave the stove on again did I? ANYWAY, Chapter 1 was epic. I was honestly not expecting the return of Ignotus, but it was amazing nonetheless.So, The Shadow's name is Nekron. Interesting name. I like it!All-in-all, fantastic start to Part One. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to sort out this spoon-wielding Toa of Magnetism who just crashed through my window.-Eredar
  • 0

Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...





0 user(s) are browsing this forum

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users