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The Eleventh Hour - Review Topic

Shadows Epic

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223 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 19 2012 - 11:10 AM

Posted ImageWelcome to the review topic for The Eleventh Hour. Comment, give constructive criticism, y'know, the usual.- Vorex
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

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"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#2 Offline Eredar

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Posted Jun 19 2012 - 11:16 AM

Wow... Just, wow.... Best opening I've ever read, coupled with Pulse's return (which I have been waiting for since Shadows!) Overall, I'm expecting one of the greatest finales ever, and we haven't even read Chapter 1 yet!

Edited by Eredar, Jun 19 2012 - 11:21 AM.

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Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...


#3 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 19 2012 - 11:18 AM

Wow... Just, wow.... Best opening I've ever read, coupled with Pulse's return (which I have been waiting for since Shadows!) Overall, I'm expected one of the greatest finales ever, and we haven't even read Chapter 1 yet!

Thankyou, I enjoyed writing the opening.Pulse wasn't meant to return until Chapter 2, but I just thought, 'Why not?' XDI'm expecting a great finale too. :P

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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#4 Offline fishers64

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Posted Jun 19 2012 - 12:01 PM

:) Plot-armor failed. That was creepy good. The weird diversion back in time felt awkward and rushed, though. Confusing like no other.
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#5 Offline Mega Man: The Blue Bomber

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Posted Jun 19 2012 - 12:28 PM

The prologue was slightly confusing, but it was great way to start off the story.I can't wait to see the rest of it! :D
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"Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become,"-C.S. Lewis

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"Humans and robots living together in harmony and equality. That, was my ultimate wish,"-Dr.. Thomas Light

 

 


#6 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Jun 19 2012 - 12:47 PM

So is that the same gunshot wound that he mentioned in DM:PII? Whatever it was, we all know Time Keepers have multiple lives and Vorex will return because his death in Shadows was lame etc etc.I like how it started at the end, that was some cool stuff right there.The return of Pulse, and The Shadow (even though he only appeared in the RPG before now)! The Shadow is cool this time, rather than the slimy wimp I interpreted him as during the brief interaction we had :P And he has shadow-hypnotise-y powers XDI look forward to the rest.
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That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun / 
And I can only hope you've got it aimed at me


#7 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 19 2012 - 04:51 PM

@Fishers: Thankyou. http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/cool.pngI'm good at being confusing. :P@Zacax: Thanks!Neither can I. :lol:@Wotz: Vorex will be awesome, and Incommodo IS dead.Thankyou. But there's more twistiness to come, here. http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/cool.pngPulse is back, but The Shadow only got mentioned (he was killed by Marendar in DM:PI). Actually, that Shadow didn't hypnotise Pulse. Think of the Symbiote from Spider-Man...As do I, Wotz, as do I.
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#8 Offline Fabulous Sunshine

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Posted Jun 19 2012 - 08:00 PM

I didn't really understand the prologue. Other than the fact that Inc's plot armour has given him extra lives and that there are timetravel hijinks and villain possession.But I suppose it'll get more understandable in the future.
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"It’s not Yggdrasil or Helheim you’re facing, it’s the cold rule that says the world demands sacrifice in exchange of hope. Destroy that rule and change the world."

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#9 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 12:30 AM

@Hub: We started off four days in, and then jumped back to right after DM:PII's epilogue.Everything should be more understandable soon enough.
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#10 Offline brother-in-lawford

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 01:09 AM

That prologue time-switch thing wasn't all that confusing for me.Vorex here just started this one In Media Res is all.I have no problem with that.Also, nice start, my friend. I wonder where this will turn out.
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#11 Offline Fabulous Sunshine

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 06:58 AM

@Hub: We started off four days in, and then jumped back to right after DM:PII's epilogue.Everything should be more understandable soon enough.

Ah, I see. So basically timey-wimey shenanigans?

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"It’s not Yggdrasil or Helheim you’re facing, it’s the cold rule that says the world demands sacrifice in exchange of hope. Destroy that rule and change the world."

- D.J. Sagara

 

3DS Friend Code: 4012-5263-3146


#12 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 08:31 AM

@Kal: At least someone understands. XD@Hub: Not really. I'm starting at the end, and then explaining what led up to it.
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#13 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:23 AM

So Nekron's a Shadow now? Woah. I suppose he was a Shadow in Aftershock as well, inhabiting the body of someone? or was that guy just not Nekron at all?Also, I don't like how Pirok didn't bother to help fight the Marendar or any other world-shaping events, but it's nice to see him again nonetheless.So, I guess the Shadows made some deal with Laz to give him a new body, or something similiar?
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That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun / 
And I can only hope you've got it aimed at me


#14 Offline brother-in-lawford

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:23 AM

The literary device is called In Media Res.Also, Vorex, you should have Aclaraung show up out of nowhere, as basically the only well-known threat to the shadows. It would be funny to have my little dragon fighting and winning. :P
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#15 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:26 AM

@Wotz: He was a Shadow in Aftershock too.Pirok wasn't near enough to New Atero to find out about the Marendar thing.Laz is a Shadow. He died in a timeline that never happened, remember? Pirok killed him?@Kal: I know, but Hub doesn't seem to be getting it, so I'm dumbing it down and lying a little bit. But In Medias Res is completely correct, more so than you might think.Don't worry, he will at least be making a cameo. The Voya-Nui Mystix are gonna be in this.
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#16 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:28 AM

Oh right, I forgot the backstory of the Shadows for a moment :PDerp on my part.
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1896790_10153783795955408_94489998_n.jpg

That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun / 
And I can only hope you've got it aimed at me


#17 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:29 AM

@Wotz: How can you do that sort of thing? XD
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

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"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#18 Offline brother-in-lawford

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:35 AM

Remember, Aclaraung is easily angered, very large, very dangrous, and wouldn't hesitate to rip something in half if it made him mad. :P
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#19 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:36 AM

Remember, Aclaraung is easily angered, very large, very dangrous, and wouldn't hesitate to rip something in half if it made him mad. :P

I know. He'll look good in the final battle. http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/cool.png

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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#20 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:38 AM

...Zar please?Or maybe those goons of mine?
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That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun / 
And I can only hope you've got it aimed at me


#21 Offline brother-in-lawford

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:38 AM

He'd probably be the only survivor if you were a normal writer. :P EDIT: Wait, did you use him in any of your other epics after I created him?

Edited by Kal Grochi, Jun 20 2012 - 10:38 AM.

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#22 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:40 AM

@Wotz: Zar and all your goons served Ignotus, so they'd be dead.@Kal: No survivors, Kal.No, I didn't - the Mystix haven't appeared at all since Shadows.
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#23 Offline brother-in-lawford

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:42 AM

Just wait, Aclaraung will find a way out.You know it.
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#24 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:43 AM

Once you know what he's up against, you won't believe that any more.
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#25 Offline brother-in-lawford

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:45 AM

...Yeah, no. He'll still find a way to survive, trust me.You'll finish this epic, start writing another that takes place after this one, and he'll just swoop in like nothing ever happened.You know it.
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#26 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 10:54 AM

The goons didn't actually appear though.Zar was briefly mentioned, so I guess it makes sense that he's dead.You don't even have to name them! :begging:
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That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun / 
And I can only hope you've got it aimed at me


#27 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:06 AM

@Kal: He won't.I will actually write one which takes place 700 years after this, but whether or not Aclaurang swoops in will remain to be seen.Maybe.@Wotz: I don't care.Yup, he was. Thanks for remembering something. :PAgain, I don't care. XP
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#28 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:08 AM

How come Kal gets his characters in your epics but no matter how many times I ask you, I don't? :P
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That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun / 
And I can only hope you've got it aimed at me


#29 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:09 AM

How come Kal gets his characters in your epics but no matter how many times I ask you, I don't? :P

Hey, your character got mentioned by name, be glad. XDAnd only characters who are very closely connected to main characters show up.

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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#30 Offline brother-in-lawford

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:11 AM

Such as Aclaraung....Wait, how is he closely connected to the main characters?
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#31 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:14 AM

@Kal: Zarnarax'll be there.
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#32 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:15 AM

What about Zongu? *hint hint nudge nudge*
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That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun / 
And I can only hope you've got it aimed at me


#33 Offline brother-in-lawford

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:17 AM

What about the Key to Nongu?

@Kal: Zarnarax'll be there.

Aclaraung and Zarnarax.Well, I know which one is likely to die first.

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#34 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:18 AM

Okay, the answer to that is probably maybe.
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

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"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#35 Offline brother-in-lawford

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:39 AM

Not even Vorex knows Aclaraung's master plan.Yet.
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#36 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 11:48 AM

I still don't care. XD
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#37 Offline brother-in-lawford

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 12:55 PM

You should now.
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#38 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 01:05 PM

Maybe later. :P
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#39 Offline brother-in-lawford

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 01:06 PM

Well then get to Onu-Wahi, and post as Zarnarax being confused by what Aclaraung is doing.Because in that universe, he doesn't know about Aclaraung's special diet.
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#40 Offline Eredar

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 03:14 PM

Huh? I din't leave the stove on again did I? ANYWAY, Chapter 1 was epic. I was honestly not expecting the return of Ignotus, but it was amazing nonetheless.So, The Shadow's name is Nekron. Interesting name. I like it!All-in-all, fantastic start to Part One. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to sort out this spoon-wielding Toa of Magnetism who just crashed through my window.-Eredar
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Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...





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