Maniacal-A Very Short Story.

[Haecceity]

Lekii ran through the halls of Destral, clutching his prize close. Panting, he turned the corner, only to come face to face with a Kahgarak, which clicked its mandibles menacingly and slowly raised its back. Wincing, he prepared to feel the Visorak’s Rhotuka strike his body, but instead he heard a booming laugh. As he slowly lowered his hands from his face, Lekii cringed before a hulking Vortixx. Extremely slim at the waist, but covered with armor elsewhere, the Vortixx had two orange spikes protruding from its head, matching its burning eyes. Lekii’s heart grew cold as he recognized the former Order member standing in front of him. “Traitor! Makuta’s spawn! Why do you prevent my passage?” The Vortixx smiled eerily. “I never said you could not pass, Lekii. I merely suggest that you do not.” Rolling his eyes, Lekii pushed past his adversary and continued to run. The Vortixx watched him go, and then muttered to himself. “The things fools do…” As Lekii burst out of the fortress, he paused to catch his breath and examine the disk he held. Etched with a carving of a mask, it pushed all other thoughts out of his mind. Standing still, consumed with awe, Lekii never noticed the shadow that slipped up behind him, never noticed the darkness enveloping him, never noticed his heartlight flickering. As the Matoran sank to the sand, a blade neatly sliced through his arm. The hooded figure that held it smiled as Lekii writhed in agony. Licking his lips, he watched the Matoran’s pain. This one would be fun to play with. He must remember to thank that Vortixx for delivering a particularly nice specimen this time. As the light flickers over a beach on Destral, an observer may notice the remnants of several Kanohi. If one looks closely, you will find that each of the fragments is arranged to spell out one word in Matoran:

Edited June 23, 2012 by Temporphilic

[Cederak]

Well, it's not the shortest thing I've reviewed today. I want to say first and foremost that I really liked your story; this was very immersive writing. I don't believe I've encountered any of your prior work, but if this was any indication, I may need to go searching for it.There were , however, a few things that stood out as unexplained. I suppose it can be assumed the disk Lekii considered a "prize" held some sort of importance beyond being a mere disk. Why go through all that trouble to infiltrate Destral otherwise? What I also didn't quite understand was the Kahgarak. Lekii waits for it to strike and when he removes his hands from his face, a traitorous Vortixx is standing before him. Is the Order member he refers to as a traitor a shapeshifter that most commonly takes the form of a Vortixx? Or did the Vortixx somehow silently command the Kahgarak not to attack and the Kahgarak is still standing there? That would make a little sense, considering the Makuta probably wouldn't be too pleased about a portal to the Zone of Darkness being opened inside Destral. Since the Makuta refers to the Order member as a Vortixx near the end though, I can only guess the Kahgarak was no longer of importance once the Order member appeared.I felt a little shortchanged with your "maniacal" Makuta at the end. At least, since this is Destral and there's a blatant shadow reference in there, I'll assume it's a Makuta from here on out. Your title in itself combined with the end result brought the film Reservoir Dogs to my mind. If you haven't seen it, there's a recurring theme of characters behaving as "professionals" or "psychos." Your Makuta's attitude of playing with a "specimen" like a child taking a magnifying glass to ants for amusement would make him more of the latter. That moment following the "blade neatly sliced through his arm" where the Makuta is taking some pleasure out of what he's seeing really completed the Reservoir Dogs semblance for me, in particular a scene that forever changed my mental association of the song "Stuck in the Middle with You."Anyway, I'm losing focus. Either the other Makuta really share the "maniacal" one's sense of humor, or they really don't care much for litter on their beach. In the short-term, the idea of the masks being arranged as you describe is a tad unnerving, but because you wrote the ending in present tense, I started to think about how that'd look to the Makuta after a while, regardless of how eerie it might be to their enemies.Despite my complaints, I want to reiterate that I really enjoyed this. Great work.-Ced

[fishers64]

I'll admit that, for such a short story, you've pulled off a sense of mystery remarkably well. Why does Lehkii brave Destral - what is that disk all about? The carvings on it seem to hint at the fact that it's a Toa disk. To which Toa does it belong, and why does that Toa send a Matoran to get it. Unless that mask is Lehkii's own mask...must have been pretty astonishing to make him stop from running headlong away from Destral and pause. That seems to be a pretty inconsistent thing about the characterization of Lehkii - he's pretty foolish for looking at and being captivated by something while not being in a position of safety, and yet he was smart enough to penetrate Destral's fortress. Unless the Makuta wanted him to do it, which may be evidenced by the fact that the Vortixx just let him walk on by, which would be evidenced by the fact that the disk isn't really that valuable, yet it captivated Lehkii so much...Odd. The one thing I have to complain about was the unexpected digression at the end. That's a bit jarring, and it makes the last part of it feel unrelated to the first story. Although it does kind of explain the first part of the story, and for that...Excellent job. If you decide to post another story, you have a willing audience here.

[Haecceity]

Well, it's not the shortest thing I've reviewed today. I want to say first and foremost that I really liked your story; this was very immersive writing. I don't believe I've encountered any of your prior work, but if this was any indication, I may need to go searching for it.There were , however, a few things that stood out as unexplained. I suppose it can be assumed the disk Lekii considered a "prize" held some sort of importance beyond being a mere disk. Why go through all that trouble to infiltrate Destral otherwise? What I also didn't quite understand was the Kahgarak. Lekii waits for it to strike and when he removes his hands from his face, a traitorous Vortixx is standing before him. Is the Order member he refers to as a traitor a shapeshifter that most commonly takes the form of a Vortixx? Or did the Vortixx somehow silently command the Kahgarak not to attack and the Kahgarak is still standing there? That would make a little sense, considering the Makuta probably wouldn't be too pleased about a portal to the Zone of Darkness being opened inside Destral. Since the Makuta refers to the Order member as a Vortixx near the end though, I can only guess the Kahgarak was no longer of importance once the Order member appeared.I felt a little shortchanged with your "maniacal" Makuta at the end. At least, since this is Destral and there's a blatant shadow reference in there, I'll assume it's a Makuta from here on out. Your title in itself combined with the end result brought the film Reservoir Dogs to my mind. If you haven't seen it, there's a recurring theme of characters behaving as "professionals" or "psychos." Your Makuta's attitude of playing with a "specimen" like a child taking a magnifying glass to ants for amusement would make him more of the latter. That moment following the "blade neatly sliced through his arm" where the Makuta is taking some pleasure out of what he's seeing really completed the Reservoir Dogs semblance for me, in particular a scene that forever changed my mental association of the song "Stuck in the Middle with You."Anyway, I'm losing focus. Either the other Makuta really share the "maniacal" one's sense of humor, or they really don't care much for litter on their beach. In the short-term, the idea of the masks being arranged as you describe is a tad unnerving, but because you wrote the ending in present tense, I started to think about how that'd look to the Makuta after a while, regardless of how eerie it might be to their enemies.Despite my complaints, I want to reiterate that I really enjoyed this. Great work.-Ced

Sadly, I am prone to making huge plot-holes such as those mentioned, so let me clear them up. The Kahgarak was "called off" by the Vortixx, but Lehkii was to shock by seeing the Vortixx (who he never expected to meet) to notice it. About the Makuta noticing..., well I never thought that part through. X3

I'll admit that, for such a short story, you've pulled off a sense of mystery remarkably well. Why does Lehkii brave Destral - what is that disk all about? The carvings on it seem to hint at the fact that it's a Toa disk. To which Toa does it belong, and why does that Toa send a Matoran to get it. Unless that mask is Lehkii's own mask...must have been pretty astonishing to make him stop from running headlong away from Destral and pause.That seems to be a pretty inconsistent thing about the characterization of Lehkii - he's pretty foolish for looking at and being captivated by something while not being in a position of safety, and yet he was smart enough to penetrate Destral's fortress. Unless the Makuta wanted him to do it, which may be evidenced by the fact that the Vortixx just let him walk on by, which would be evidenced by the fact that the disk isn't really that valuable, yet it captivated Lehkii so much...Odd.The one thing I have to complain about was the unexpected digression at the end. That's a bit jarring, and it makes the last part of it feel unrelated to the first story. Although it does kind of explain the first part of the story, and for that...Excellent job. If you decide to post another story, you have a willing audience here.

Lehkii was always meant to be an odd character. You might say that he has high intelligence but low wisdom.