
The Universe Is A Riddle
#1
Posted Jun 23 2012 - 08:50 AM
#2
Posted Jun 24 2012 - 10:30 AM

The bold section here is a little weird, IMO. I think putting something like 'Matoro ripped the Mask off his face' before Matoro's dialogue would help make it a little easier to understand. That's just me though.Aside from that, I really enjoyed this story. I wish you good luck in the LSO 2012!“Take that, you lousy mask! Ripped you right off of my face! It frickin’ hurts, too! Geez, what do you attach with, medical needles? Oh well, I have my body back! Woohoo! And now I’ll survive!”
Edited by The Smoke Monster, Jun 24 2012 - 10:44 AM.
Everyone is one choice away from being the bad guy in another person's story.
#3
Posted Jun 24 2012 - 10:44 AM
Thank you for the review! Unfortunately I can't edit that anymore, but maybe it won't make me lose. Maybe.I enjoyed reading this. The dialogue between the Ignika and Matoro was very cool. I couldn't help but laugh when Matoro said that the beyond sucks.
And poor Nuparu, being taken away by that Takea Shark. He didn't get a break, did he?There was one part that I think could've been worded better, and it is:
The bold section here is a little weird, IMO. I think putting something like 'Matoro ripped the Mask off his face' before Matoro's dialogue would help make it a little easier to understand. That's just me though.Aside from that, I really enjoyed this story. I wish you luck in the LSO 2012!“Take that, you lousy mask! Ripped you right off of my face! It frickin’ hurts, too! Geez, what do you attach with, medical needles? Oh well, I have my body back! Woohoo! And now I’ll survive!”

#4
Posted Jun 25 2012 - 04:03 AM
Thanks for years of fun, BZP. You made me happy as a child.
Wanna know how FC2 was gonna end/FC3 was gonna play out? Check my deviantART and my Brickshelf.
#5
Posted Jun 25 2012 - 02:41 PM
Ambiguous- I don't imagine a Toa with a Volitak being eaten by a shark. He'd find a way out of that particular situation for sure. However, whether he'd survive long after that is another question. -ibrowi guess my comment didn't go through. stupid iphone.anyways, i thought it was great, it's a different variation of matoro's death and a humorous one at that. can't believe you basically left nuparu for dead, haha. or maybe he's not dead, and his fate's ambiguous? not sure. anyways, great comedy, ibrow.
#6
Posted Jun 25 2012 - 09:03 PM
#7
Posted Jun 26 2012 - 10:41 AM
Part of the plan all the way through- Matoro was going to die regardless. So in the end, his selfishness doomed us all. Matoro did realize at the last second that he was going to die- he just failed to do anything about it.-ibrowI liked the fun twist on the dialogue, but the ending is a serious depressor. Seriously. Really, Matoro, you might as well sacrifice yourself for the universe because you're going to die anyway.Actually, that's probably the funniest joke of this comedy. Good job, Mr. ibrow - good luck on the contest, seeing as I have nothing to complain about. It might have been slightly better if Matoro realized the fact I just iterated - the fact of him dying anyway - right before he hit the ground...something to consider, anyway...
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