A Darker View - Despair

[The Dark Chronicler]

This small story was created for my friend Despair. I wanted to create something roughly based upon one of his ideas, and twist it into my own style. Hopefully he likes it, it was certainly fun to write.

A Darker View - Despair

The suffering screams are music to my mind, the sweet melody of death and pain bring nothing but cheer. I can hear the battles outside, the dying wails of warriors and soldiers. I can hear the commanders shouting their orders to the fighters, informing them of where they shall go... where they shall die. I listen, but can not see all that happens. It is beyond my view, but not my hearing. It is glorious, and I wish that I could see.I live within the boundaries of this universe, never shall I see what goes on around me, only will I hear it. How odd it seems, that so long ago I hated the violence, the pain and death. I wished for nothing more than for it to stop, to leave my thoughts in peace. But with the sounds of death all you ever can hear, it is easy to grow to enjoy them. I cherish every battle, every death. They bring me entertainment and joy.How long I have been here, I can not recall. Only that I live below them, listening to the littlest of thoughts, hoping for the loudness of war. Their conversations, I can not understand, they are of foreign sounds. But I can hear them cry out in pain and understand it as though they were speaking directly to me.I sometimes wonder why they fight here, why they have chosen this place above me for their battle. But it doesn't change anything, it merely gives the thought that they might be fighting, dying, for my amusement. I doubt that they do, but it is nice to imagine that they would all surrender their lives for me. Someday, I wish to be free, to see who it is that die, and found out why they do so.I have been below for the longest time, but few know of my existence. The one who pierces the mind knows. It recoiled from my mind long ago, when it got the slightest taste of what I have within. It was repelled, disgusted, horrified. It seemed so very weak, barely able to even get at the slightest of my thoughts. I could have lashed back out at it if I had felt the need to do so, but it was amusing enough that I left it alive.Now I hear sounds so very strange, the battles have stopped, and the sound of the ground moving is audible. The world seems to shake in a way I have felt only once before, so very long ago. I hear cheers, a celebration of victory above me. The term 'Mata Nui' is repeated again and again with joyful voices. What it means, I know not.The pain and death have faded for now. I can only hope that soon they shall continue their wars and once again throw down their lives and give me what I wish. But until then, I shall wait in silence. I long for the return of the dying, for they shall bring beautiful sounds once more to my home.I am Despair.

Edited June 25, 2012 by Pyrrhon

[fishers64]

despair[ dih-spair ]noun1. loss of hope; hopelessness.2. someone or something that causes hopelessness: He is the despair of his mother.

I seem to be lost here. While your character seems to be a individual with an interest in listening to people scream, he seems to fail to personify despair. Merely enjoying watching people suffer does not constitute removal of all hope. Worse, you implied at one point that your character did not like the sound of death. Maybe this is just me, but I imagine that the actions of Mata Nui would send despair personified writhing in pain on the floor in response to all the hope going about. Or you could merely be referring to the BZPower member, in which case I apologize. You have an otherwise great story here, with a fine flowing style and an interesting character, this is just something that nagged at me while reading.

[WriterofReapers]

Or you could merely be referring to the BZPower member, in which case I apologize.

Who, me? :PFishers64 does bring up a good point. I don't dislike what you have here, but it doesn't seem very... despair-ish. That sentence gets a lot weirder when I say it, but that's not important. What is important is that you've managed to create an interesting character with a rather short story, and everything but the character's name fits well. Overall, it's a pretty neat story you've got here.

[Relapse]

To expand on what the others have said, this seems a bit more like sadism to me.Nice read, though. Good tribute to everyone's favorite "2. someone or something that causes hopelessness;" =DJokes aside, here's your actual review:

The suffering screams are music to my mind,

This immediately brings me to thoughts of AM of IHNMAIMS. Ignore the acronyms of you don't recognize them.

the sweet melody of death and pain bring nothing but cheer.

So far, this sounds like my fourth grade teacher.

I can hear the battles outside, the dying wails of warriors and soldiers. I can hear the commanders shouting their orders to the fighters, informing them of where they shall go... where they shall die. I listen, but can not see all that happens. It is beyond my view, but not my hearing. It is glorious, and I wish that I could see.

I'm a bit confused. Why can't he see? Is he blind...? Also, is it set in a war zone?

I live within the boundaries of this universe, never shall I see what goes on around me, only will I hear it. How odd it seems, that so long ago I hated the violence, the pain and death. I wished for nothing more than for it to stop, to leave my thoughts in peace. But with the sounds of death all you ever can hear, it is easy to grow to enjoy them. I cherish every battle, every death. They bring me entertainment and joy.

Hmm. I'm still confused. Are emotional embodiments visually impaired? If so, why? Additionally, what about the battle/death/screaming makes him/her/it happy?

I have been below for the longest time, but few know of my existence. The one who pierces the mind knows. It recoiled from my mind long ago, when it got the slightest taste of what I have within. It was repelled, disgusted, horrified. It seemed so very weak, barely able to even get at the slightest of my thoughts. I could have lashed back out at it if I had felt the need to do so, but it was amusing enough that I left it alive.

This, in part, explains why he can't see, though I question why he can hear through the ground, which must be thick to support a war.

Now I hear sounds so very strange, the battles have stopped, and the sound of the ground moving is audible. The world seems to shake in a way I have felt only once before, so very long ago. I hear cheers, a celebration of victory above me. The term 'Mata Nui' is repeated again and again with joyful voices. What it means, I know not.

Wait. Is Mata Nui the one who pierces the mind of this ambiguously gendered entity? I again wonder how he hears through the ground.Overall...6.7/10. Though it had good elements (very poetic) it didn't quite come out the way I believe you intended. Shoot me of I'm wrong, but shouldn't despair be without joy for the most part?

The pain and death have faded for now. I can only hope that soon they shall continue their wars and once again throw down their lives and give me what I wish. But until then, I shall wait in silence. I long for the return of the dying, for they shall bring beautiful sounds once more to my home.

^How my teacher feels on the first day of summer.-Mr. Isles

[The Dark Chronicler]

despair[ dih-spair ]noun1. loss of hope; hopelessness.2. someone or something that causes hopelessness: He is the despair of his mother.

I seem to be lost here. While your character seems to be a individual with an interest in listening to people scream, he seems to fail to personify despair. Merely enjoying watching people suffer does not constitute removal of all hope. Worse, you implied at one point that your character did not like the sound of death.Maybe this is just me, but I imagine that the actions of Mata Nui would send despair personified writhing in pain on the floor in response to all the hope going about.Or you could merely be referring to the BZPower member, in which case I apologize. You have an otherwise great story here, with a fine flowing style and an interesting character, this is just something that nagged at me while reading.

Actually, I took the term of despair quite heavily into this story. He enjoys listening to the suffering and hopelessness of people who fight, their misery and pain, loss and death. I wanted to put a twist on despair and Despair, by making a being who enjoys hopelessness and misery, not one who intentionally causes it. The hopelessness of those dying brings him great joy.I didn't intend the character to be despair personified to the absolute degree, just as people name characters after emotions, even when the do not always fully embody them.I was supposed to be a mixture of both, actually.

Who, me? :PFishers64 does bring up a good point. I don't dislike what you have here, but it doesn't seem very... despair-ish. That sentence gets a lot weirder when I say it, but that's not important. What is important is that you've managed to create an interesting character with a rather short story, and everything but the character's name fits well. Overall, it's a pretty neat story you've got here.

Yeah, I suppose the name doesn't fit his own actions, but more of what he enjoys. I'm sorry that you don't think he seems very despair-ish, it seemed like it fit to me while I was writing it, and it stills seems to me like it does. XD

To expand on what the others have said, this seems a bit more like sadism to me.Nice read, though. Good tribute to everyone's favorite "2. someone or something that causes hopelessness;" =DJokes aside, here's your actual review:This immediately brings me to thoughts of AM of IHNMAIMS. Ignore the acronyms of you don't recognize them.So far, this sounds like my fourth grade teacher.I'm a bit confused. Why can't he see? Is he blind...? Also, is it set in a war zone?Hmm. I'm still confused. Are emotional embodiments visually impaired? If so, why? Additionally, what about the battle/death/screaming makes him/her/it happy?This, in part, explains why he can't see, though I question why he can hear through the ground, which must be thick to support a war.Wait. Is Mata Nui the one who pierces the mind of this ambiguously gendered entity? I again wonder how he hears through the ground.Overall...6.7/10. Though it had good elements (very poetic) it didn't quite come out the way I believe you intended. Shoot me of I'm wrong, but shouldn't despair be without joy for the most part?^How my teacher feels on the first day of summer.-Mr. Isles

I suppose it is a little of both, really.I don't recognize them. XDSome teachers to seem similar to this, I suppose.Not blind, but underground is where he resides, so underneath a war zone to be exact.The same could be asked for why serial murderers enjoy killing, I don't think you really can give a reason why anyone enjoys the suffering of others.Yes, it does bring up that question, which I thought someone would have figured out already...Not Mata Nui, but the one who pierces the mind is Annona. I really thought it would be more obvious how he hears.Yes, I do believe a direct embodiment of the emotion despair would lack joy... but I wanted something different from that.Yeah, Teachers...I suppose I should explain how he hears. So I'll put a few quote from the story that might explain.

The suffering screams are music to my mind,

I wished for nothing more than for it to stop, to leave my thoughts in peace.

He doesn't actually hear, he's telepathic. He listens to the thoughts of those who fight, he gets all of the joy from despairing thoughts as people die. I didn't want to make it too easy to notice, but I suppose I mad it a little too difficult to spot.