Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes
  • Participate in raffles to win LEGO prizes
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!


Flying Octopi, Grubby Villains, And Guardsmen Basketballs

  • Please log in to reply
4 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Conway

  • Members
  • OTC Writer of the Month

  • 30-January 11
  • 4,774 posts

Posted Jun 26 2012 - 06:36 PM

So, good to see you all here! Glad to see you didn't get lost! Or, if you did, you landed here!This is just a story I made the Library Summer Olympics. It's basically a parody of the Battle of Mangaia, from the MNOLG.Enjoy! Flying Octopi, Grubby Villains and Guardsmen BasketballsDarkness hung thick in the air as the Toa descended into the Mangaia, the den of Makuta. They had all fought hard to arrive here, and each had only one goal in mind:Awaken Mata Nui, and destroy the one who cursed him.Did any of them have doubts of accomplishing this? Possibly, but any doubts would not get the better of them. They were heroes, Toa, and they had a job to do. There was no room for fear or uncertainty.Reaching the centre atrium of the lair, the six warriors braced themselves for anything. Makuta, it was said, was a shape-shifter, and known for his treacherous ways. A demon of unequaled prowess, who had defeated the Great Spirit with ease.That’s probably why it was so surprising to see a Matoran emerge from the shadows, his eyes staring blankly at the heroes.“What?!” Tahu shouted in astonishment.“I have been waiting for you, the Matoran-shaped Makuta spoke, his voice harsh and grating.“But you -you are-”“I am that which you are sworn to protect,” the master of shadows responded, a small smile carved into his face.Tahu paused for a moment, then said, “Actually, I was going to say that you’re like, three feet shorter than me.”A look of complete bewilderment passed over Makuta’s face, “What?! This isn’t...But I... This is supposed to be scary!”Lewa shrugged, “Not really. I mean, it’s a little disappointing, to be frank.”“Disappointing!?”“Well, yeah. When you meet the lord of all evil, you expect like, this towering behemoth, ready to rip you apart. Not a dorky little shrimp.”“Seriously,” Gali added, “I could finish you off in ten seconds flat. And that would be without even trying.”Makuta stumbled for words, which was a hard thing to do when your chin has just hit the floor, “Well I...I...I was going for the whole, urm, psychological torture thing, y’know. How I’m a Matoran, and how you’re not supposed to hurt Matoran? Right?”The Toa exchanged some surprised looks.“Wait, we’re not?”“I never knew that.”“Suddenly I sorta regret using that Guardsman as a basketball.”“Seriously? I use those shrimps for toothpicks every other day.”Makuta barked out a laugh of incredulity, nearly toppling to the ground, “So, I’m honestly not scary?”Tahu shrugged sympathetically, “Sorry bro.”The dark lord’s eyes narrowed, and he cracked a fiendish grin, “Well, if being a Matoran isn’t scary, how about something like THIS!?”Suddenly, the Matoran flew into the air, splitting apart in a surge of dark energy. Soon, this small, fragile villager body had been replaced by a swirling vortex of armour and tentacles, snapping at the air menacingly.“So, what, now you’re a flying octopus?” Kopaka asked, with an air of utter disbelief, “How is that better than pipsqueak?”“SILENCE!” Makuta boomed, his voice echoing across the chamber, “I am the lord of all darkness! I am the embodiment of terror! Bow down before me!”The Toa, for their part, merely shrugged at each other, before turning around and leaving.“Wait, where are you going?” the Makuta shouted.“Leaving,” Tahu called back, “This is a waste of time. See you again in two years. In the meantime, try to get some ‘being scary’ practice in.”“But what about defending the Matoran from me?!”The Toa of Fire turned and stared at the Makuta for a moment. “Bro, no offense or anything, but I don’t really think the Matoran have that much to fear from a gigantic flying octopus, or a grungy, three-foot-tall villain.”As the dark spirit drooped in defeat, Gali spoke, “Hey, don’t worry, there is one risk they run against you.”Suddenly, Makuta perked,eyes shining with hope, “Really?”“Yeah,” she said, “They risk dying from laughter!”-Void

Edited by Emissary to the Void, Jun 26 2012 - 06:39 PM.

  • 0
[ BZPRPG ] - [ Exo-Force ] - [ Breaking Point ]


#2 Offline Athmos

  • Members
  • Kohrak-Kal Attacks!

  • 11-April 12
  • 2,804 posts

Posted Jun 26 2012 - 08:49 PM

Short, but good. Made me laugh pretty hard at some parts. One mistake I saw:

“I have been waiting for you", the Matoran-shaped Makuta spoke, his voice harsh and grating.

You are missing a quotation mark there.

  • 0


#3 Offline Axilus Prime

Axilus Prime
  • Members
  • Mask of Light Unveiled

  • 02-March 10
  • 5,282 posts

Posted Jun 27 2012 - 03:26 AM

A well-made comedic story without excessive randomness. I like how it precisely follows the plot while being funny until the Mata get bored and leave. 10/10.
  • 0


#4 Offline fishers64

  • Banned Members
  • Savage Blizzard Awakened

  • 05-July 10
  • 11,025 posts

Posted Jun 27 2012 - 01:37 PM

Looks like the Turaga forgot a lesson in the Toa training...anyway, liked this. Sweet and simple, and that works really good for comedy. One thing I particularly liked was the serious intro you gave, which made the twist all the more shocking.
  • 0

#5 Offline Devorath

  • Members
  • Toa

  • 20-October 11
  • 182 posts

Posted Jun 29 2012 - 03:53 AM

Looks like the Turaga forgot a lesson in the Toa training...anyway, liked this. Sweet and simple, and that works really good for comedy. One thing I particularly liked was the serious intro you gave, which made the twist all the more shocking.

Agree with that last sentence, the intro was very serious and the rest was very funny. :)

  • 0




0 user(s) are browsing this forum

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users