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LSO 2012 Team One Review Topic
Posted Jul 26 2012 - 12:49 PM
Posted Jul 27 2012 - 12:25 AM
Posted Jul 27 2012 - 02:44 AM
Posted Jul 28 2012 - 12:21 PM
Hey, I still don't know exactly what I was talking about. And yeah, I didn't really like the prompt either (though it was better than the line Team Three got - good luck incorporating a baby mouse into your story).But Emissary managed to work it in surprisingly seamlessly. And it did turn into a good setting. I've heard a couple people say they prefer stories set somewhere in existing canon than just in the future (the Kodan and Time Slip entries, for instance). I agree that takes more ingenuity to write, and, since it fills existing holes in canon, may seem more fun to read - but where in Bionicle are you going to find a Prime Minister? Besides, though as a type I may prefer the other kind of fanfic, this particular story I liked for itself.So yeah, Emissary got the ball rolling nicely with his first chapter, even if it was unclear exactly what kind of ball it was at that point. Really, it seems like that could have gone a lot of different ways. Also, I liked how Onua was immediately suspicious of the "Do you trust me?" line.Then xccj introduced Jaller, gave him a good position (a lot of the fun of the first chapters, it seemed to me, was assigning characteristic positions to people) and introduced a war - which we all proceeded to ignore for the next eight chapters or so. I find that funny.Oh, and he killed Onua! Have to say, I wasn't really expecting that. But that, and Gresh not knowing what had happened, really set up the story as the mystery it turned into - until it evolved into something else, of course.Zaxvo's first chapter was good too. It brought Kopaka into it, which I definitely liked. Pohatu is my favorite Toa, but I'm a Kopaka fan too. I'm a big Nuva fan in general, so I liked that this story was more or less about them.I thought Kopaka was well written there. Actually colder and less emotional than I write him (as you can see from my chapters, I guess) but I definitely would prefer that to the other extreme. Something I'm happy about, by the way: I don't think Kopaka smiled in the whole epic!I was pretty happy with the fates Zaxvo decided on for the other Nuva, too, although Tahu's death made me wonder who was king of this "kingdom." I decided they had a power vacuum, in the end.Which brings me to some things I was thinking would be in the story, but never quite made their way in. I sort of introduced them in my first chapter, but only sort of.
I had lots of fun writing with you guys too! We came up with a very fun story, IMO. Granted, I thought our starter line was kinda lame (Prime Minister, really? But I thought we kept a good mystery going, even when it was pretty obvious that none of us knew exactly what we were talking about because of the rules, but you wouldn't know that just by reading this. And even though some of our styles were slightly different (like how we would focus on different characters each time... or rather how I kept focusing on different characters ) we still managed to have some good continuity. Really, my only complain was when Emissary brought Gelu back, mostly because I was planning to do a cutaway scene to him in my next chapter. But yeah, I still think this turned out to be a good epic, and I hope we can come up with a decent ending for it when we're allowed to start posting again.
Edited by Excelsior, Jul 28 2012 - 01:44 PM.
Posted Jul 28 2012 - 03:20 PM
Posted Jul 28 2012 - 04:30 PM
Posted Jul 28 2012 - 08:23 PM
Edited by Excelsior, Jul 28 2012 - 08:33 PM.
Posted Jul 29 2012 - 02:23 PM
Posted Jul 29 2012 - 03:10 PM
Early on in the canon, that would have been the case, but later in the story they sort of mentioned that Tahu and Kopaka had moved past their total clash from the early Nuva days -- remember the "Divided We Fall" comic? Tahu and Kopaka, I think, were past that. But it still would have been interesting write; I basically tried to pick the two Nuva who were as different from each other as possible.
Hey, you want REAL conflict? Have Kopaka and Tahu the only ones left. Those two would probably fight to the point of blaming each other for their siblings' deaths. Random thought.
Thanks To me it seemed like a natural detective tool, I wanted to work it in earlier, so I just threw in at that point to sort of speed up the story.
the Mask of Psychometry to learn more about the Revolver was brilliant
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