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Darkness in the Wild

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#1 Offline darkslizer

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  • 02-June 12
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Posted Aug 06 2012 - 01:27 PM

It was tired. Today, it had found nothing to destroy, nothing significant to eat, nothing. Darkness entered its lair. It was a small cave with three lightstones ringing around the interior, which served as a fallback food source. It had never needed to use it before. But since everything left the Universe, food was hard to find. It sensed something near its cave. Darkness's eyes glowed a deep, shadowy red as it rose to address the intruder. Darkness was hungry, so hungry. As it exited the cave, it noticed its intruder. It had silver armor and eyes that crackled with energy. It stood on two legs in a position that suggested confrontation. It hissed in Darkness's direction and raised its staff to unleash a burst of lightning. Darkness dove to the ground to avoid electrocution. It was so hungry, so hungry. Darkness blinded the being using its thoughts and then stabbed at it with its staff. The intruder fell to the ground and crashed in a small burst of electricity. Something slithered out of the intruder and into the forest surrounding the cave. Darkness flew through the forest and felt enraged that the intruder was made of protosteel. It could not eat it. Suddenly, Darkness spotted something else flying through the sky. It pursued the Rahi. It squawked as Darkness snatched it from the air and dove into its body. It shrieked with delight. Food! it chomped into the Rahi's skeleton as it hissed with pleasure. Food! Food! Lightning had lost its body. It was slithering around, a lowly creature! it deserved much better than this. It electrocuted any small Rahi it saw and devoured them. It soon returned to its lair, a hive for his kind. Thanks to its creator, there was a pool at the bottom of the hive that could transform beings like it to something more powerful. Lightning slithered to the top and pushed one of his own into the pool. The transformation began instantly. it grew arms and legs and a shiny, silver body. A staff appeared in its hand. Lightning jumped into its new weapon. It would have revenge on Darkness. Hunger stepped through a clearing in the forest and found a small hole in the ground. Being the curious creature that it was, it stepped into the hole. It found that the ground was a long way down from the entrance, so it hovered the rest of the way down. It discovered a massive cave that glittered in hues of purple, green, blue, and yellow. A flying creature sped toward Hunger, and it was promptly killed. Continuing on, Hunger encountered several more bat creatures. this could feed it for a week, and it did. while trekking through the rainbow cave, he found a huge chamber full of small blue and light green slug-like creatures that were shooting small lightning bolts at random places. Hunger saw a silvery being leave the chamber into the forest. It decided to invade the chamber. It noticed a small pool of a silver liquid in the center of the chamber. Hunger entered the chamber and used its powers to absorb the life from all the small creatures. The shriveled husks fell into the pool and broke down quickly. Hunger felt new and restored. He began to follow the silvery being to investigate. It might be going hunting. Darkness was walking leisurely through the clearing, proud of its prey. Looking into the sky, it saw a silver glint. That glint couldn't come from nature. Darkness tried to observe more closely and noticed that the silver glint was coming closer to it. It was the silver intruder! Lightning fired bolts of electricity from its staff, as it did before to Darkness. Darkness took cover in the trees while trying to formulate a plan. Darkness saw another being that seemed to be following Lightning. When it landed, It stabbed its staff into the ground and everything suddenly went cold, as if nothing would ever be happy again. Both Darkness and Lightning were suddenly weakened, though Hunger seemed to be getting stronger. Lightning unleashed one final blast of electricity, then turned grey and fell to the forest floor. the bolt was aimed at Hunger, but when it hit the target, it rebounded and struck Darkness. Hunger's powers receded, as it had lost focus. Darkness took the opportunity to attack. It used it powers to absorb the light around Hunger, essentially blinding it. As soon as Darkness noticed the chink in Hunger's armor, it charged. Its staff raised, Darkness was about to stab Hunger when everything suddenly froze. The stasis field was cast by a large, four-armed Rahkshi. He chuckled in front of his prisoners. Two of his arms ended in small claws, while one sported two large talon-like blades. The last available hand held the Staff of Obliteration, the Rahkshi's preferred weapon. "They'll be perfect." sneered Xevrekk, as he hypnotized the three Rahkshi with his icy blue eyes. The would be wild no more.
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Comply.                Create.                  Consume.


#2 Offline X-Ray

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  • 14-June 08
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Posted Aug 25 2012 - 01:39 PM

In terms of plot, as far as I'm able to tell, we have here a handful of Rahkshi struggling for survival in the remains of the MU. I can't say that I'm a fan of the multi-colored text, but I think that you were able to bring the primal emotions of the Rakhshi to life very well.The conclusion of the story was unexpected, and introduced a character who is a mystery to the audience. I've never heard of a Rakhshi with four arms before, so perhaps it is a mutated sort of Rakhshi. When you want to make a transistion to another character's point of view, I'd suggest you seperate the paragraphs with stars (* * *) or something, as opposed to changing the color the text. Also, perhaps you could have wrote down some of the Rakhshi's thoughts. The narration sentences that end in exclamation points could have filled in as these quite nicely.Keep writing, Mr. darkslizer, and I'm sure you will become an excellent writer. After all, practice makes perfect. : )Sincerely, :akaku: X-Ray :akaku:
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