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Nuva Nation

Toa Nuva Metru Nui

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#1 Offline X-Ray

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Posted Aug 14 2012 - 10:30 PM

Hello and welcome, everyone. I apologize for the lateness, but I am finally back to start posting in my comedies again. With luck, the new chapters and reposts of Glatorian of Bara Magna: Curse of the Gray Crystal, as well as my epic Bionicle: Infinities will be posted soon. In the meantime, here is the link for the old Nuva Nation like: http://www.bzpower.c...5It's in the old forums, so be prepared for that. And now, without further ado...Chapter 24(In the darkened interrogation room)?1: …?2: … Uh…(Suddenly the light turns on, revealing Turaga Matau sitting at his desk with Vhisola on one side, and Tahu and Takanva sitting on the other side)Turaga Matau: What? No “Wow, it’s deep-dark in here,” or “Augh! Now it’s ever-bright?”Takanuva: Well, it doesn’t really bother me that much…Tahu: Turaga Matau. What do you want?Turaga Matau: Er, *Ahem* This is Turaga Matau, Head-Chief of Infernal Affairs, conducting Interrogation session #13 for the MNCCC case, with Agent Vhisola.Vhisola: Hi there... Ash-for-brains.Turaga Matau: Takanuva, you first. We know from previous interrogation sessions that you confronted a trio of Dark Hunters lurking in the Coliseum, and you were knocked unconscious.Takanuva: Yeah, that’s right. I was helping to shepherd the attendees of the Metru Nui Comic Convention out the exits. I delegated the task over to Kopaka and Gali, and then went to the security room to see if anyone had gotten lost. I spotted three persons who I later found were Dark Hunters, and went to get them. I wound up fighting them, and they managed to defeat me. I’m not sure what happened after-Turaga Matau: Yes yes, thank you. Alright, Tahu, spill. From the start-beginning.Tahu: The beginning of what?Turaga Matau: I mean from the beginning of when you became deep-involved in this dark-crisis.Tahu: I guess it all started for me this morning. I was on call at Hero Factory. You see, I work there as a freelancer.Matau: I know, I know. Keep talking.Tahu: Well, anyway, I saw that we had a new boss…(Flashback, 12 hours ago, Hero Factory –Metru Nui Branch. In a lounge, Tahu and a few other Hero Factory robots are sitting around, when Duncan Bulk enters the room)Bulk: ‘Mornin, scrap-buckets. Name’s Bulk, and I’m the new Head of Operations here at the Metru Nui branch of Hero Factory.Tahu: Uh, sir?Bulk: What?Tahu: What happened to Stormer?Bulk: I don’t know, the brass back at Makuhero City wanted him for a mission. Some half-baked report about a witch doctor or something.Tahu: Whatever you say, boss.Tahu (Voiceover): Well, not much of anything happened for the next couple of hours, until sometime after… noon, when we received a distress call from the Coliseum.(The Hero Factory Freelancer Lounge Room, 9 hours ago. Tahu is talking to a weird looking alien with one robotic eye. The alien’s name is Chuck)Chuck: So then I just blew a hole right through him.Tahu: Wait, you killed him?Chuck: Yeah, so? He had a hostage, he was kind of asking for it.Tahu: …You can kill people as an HF freelancer?Chuck: Yeaaaah…Tahu: …:evilgrim: Sweeeet.(Suddenly, a large red claxon on the wall starts sending out an alarm noise or something)Claxon: BRAAAAAAAP! BRAAAAAAP!Chuck: That’s us! To the briefing room!Tahu: Right!(In the briefing room, Tahu, Chuck, and seven other Hero-Factory robots are being briefed by Bulk)Bulk: Alright scrap-buckets, we’ve got a message from the Coliseum. An unknown entity has infiltrated an event going on down there, and we’ve got to go in and neutralize the entity. We, Team 2, will be flown in by Herocopters-(Tahu and Chuck snicker)Bulk: -to the twentieth floor, which has a large window-covered balcony attached to it. We will then rappel in, and search for the entity. Team 1 will be flown in to the top floor and will work their way down, while we go up. We have orders to bring it in alive if reasonably possible, but to shoot to kill if necessary. Any questions?Tahu: Uh, I have a question.Bulk: Make it quick, Nuva!Tahu: What do you mean by “rappel in”?(Everyone except Tahu snickers)(Back in the interrogation room)Turaga Matau: So, you’ve never rappelled into any place before?Tahu: Nope.(Flashback, five hours ago, outside of the Coliseum, two Herocopters are flying in. One of them heads to the lower part of the Coliseum)Bulk: Okay, men. Jump!(All of the Hero Factory robots and Chuck jump, but Tahu stays on the Herocopter)Bulk (shouting up): What do you think you’re doing, Nuva? Jump!Tahu: Thanks, but no thanks!Bulk (angry): Jump, or your contract is revoked!Tahu: …Okay!(Tahu rappels into the now broken window, hitting the ground- hard. There are Matoran still being led out of the huge exhibition room where the Metru Nui Comic Con was taking place. Human visitors are being directed out of the giant portal)Tahu: Oof!Bulk: Get up, Nuva! Okay men, to the stairs! Kisinger, you take Squad 1 to floor twenty-one, Brown, you take Squad 2 to floor twenty-two. I’ll take Squad 3 to search this floor. Nuva! Chuck! You’re on Squad 2!Tahu & Chuck: Yes sir!Chuck: Say, Tahu, where’d you get that cool gun?Tahu: Oh, HF gave it to me because they said it “allowed for more efficient flame dispersal” than my swords. Funny, it looks just like Hakkan’s gun.Chuck: Huh. Okay, let’s go!Bulk: Tahu, ask the local security if they have any people on the upper floors!Tahu: Yes sir!(Suddenly, Tahu’s squad passes by Kopaka, who is directing Matoran out through the emergency exits)Kopaka: Tahu! Thank goodness you and the Hero-Factory units are here!Tahu: Yeah yeah, whatever. Have you seen Takanuva?Kopaka: He was near the site of the flash and explosions I think, but I don't see him now.Bulk: Quick! That way, people!Tahu: Gotta go, deputy. Keep Gali safe.Kopaka: Wait, Tahu...!(Tahu goes with Brown, Chuck, and the three other Hero Factory robots to the stairs)Brown: Okay, up to floor 22!(Squad 2 runs up the stairs to floor 22)(Back in the interrogation room)Turaga Matau: So for how long did you search before you ran into Master Chief?Tahu: We had just finished floors 33 through 35, when my squad found him.(Flashback, three and a half hours ago. Tahu’s squad is on floor 35)Brown: Clear!Chuck: Clear!Hero Factory Robot #1 (HFR#1): Clear!HFR#2: Clear!HFR#2: Clear!Tahu: Obvious! Er, I mean, clear!Bulk (Over walkie-talkie): Squad 2! Search floor 38!Brown: Yes sir! (To Squad 2) You heard the man! We’re going to floor 38Squad 2: Yes sir!(Squad 2 races up the stairs to floor thirty-eight. They’ve just arrived at the door to floor 38, when suddenly, someone kicks in the door from other side, revealing none other than-)HFR#2: What the heck?Master Chief: !!!(Master Chief throws a grenade at Squad 2)Tahu: (activates mask of shielding) I don’t think so!(The grenade explodes against the Kanohi Hau Nuva’s shield, which covers all of Squad 2. When the dust clears, Master Chief is gone, the door to floor thirty-eight ajar)Brown: Nice save, Nuva! (Into walkie-talkie) Bulk, this is Squad 2. We’ve found the unknown entity, and it’s Master Chief! I repeat, the unknown entity is Master Chief!Bulk (voice is slightly garbled over the walkie-talkie): Brown, have you been drinking fried oil again? (Sounds of laughter can be heard in the background)Brown: No sir, I have not been drinking fried oil. The unknown is Master Chief, in the flesh! He’s headed up from our location, or else is on floor 38Bulk: Alright Brown, we’re headed to your location. Search floor 38 and report back. (Switches channel) Team 1, this is Team 2. We’ve located the unknown on Floor thirty-eight, and get this, it’s Master Chief. … No, I have not been drinking fried oil, my boy says it’s Master Chief. … Roger that.(Meanwhile, Squad 2 is searching floor 38)Brown: Clear!HFR#1: Clear!Chuck: Not-Clear!(Squad Two runs into an empty auditorium with large plate-glass windows. Master Chief and Chuck are having a shootout, the former Halo-jumping all over the place)Brown: Set your guns for stun!Tahu: My gun doesn’t have “stun” setting!Brown: Then set if for singed, flame-brain!(Back in the interrogation room)Takanuva: Wow Tahu, sounds like it was quite a fight.Tahu: It was. Then the rest of Team 2 got to our location, Team 1 rappelled in. Master Chief was about to fight his way to the door, and I was right next to him, so I did the only thing I could think of at the moment.(Flashback, four and a half hours ago. Master Chief is about to fight his way out of the auditorium, when suddenly, Tahu jumps on him)Tahu: Gotcha!Master Chief: !!!(Suddenly, Master Chief and Tahu teleport out of the room)Bulk: Huh?Brown: What?Chuck: Holy nuts!(Back in the interrogation room)Turaga Matau: Wait, quick-pause, he teleported you out?Tahu: Well, I’m not sure it was him. He seemed pretty confused too.Vishola: Maybe he was accidentally hit with a teleportation kanoka disk.Tahu: That’s not possible. Hero Factory robots don’t carry disk launchers, and neither I nor Chuck had one. Besides, even if they did, those robots can’t aim for two cents.Vishola: Like I said, accidentally.Turaga Matau: So, what happened next?Tahu: The last thing I remember is appearing high up in the air in the part of Ta-Metru closest to the Coliseum, and then a sudden impact, after which I blacked out.Turaga Matau: Yes, you and this Master Chief character were located in that area. Master Chief was stunned by Hero Factory robots, and he is currently in our custody. I believe we’ll be questioning him next. Thank you both for your cooperation. Now, get out of here-now!Up next: Turaga Matau interrogates the one and only Master Chief! Plus, the Toa Nuva go home! Tune in in next time for… NUVA NATION!
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#2 Offline X-Ray

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Posted Oct 28 2012 - 05:42 PM

Chapter 25(The darkened interrogation room)???: …(Suddenly, the lights turn on, revealing Master Chief on one end of the interrogation table, and Turaga Matau and Agent Vhisola on the other side)Turaga Matau: This is Turaga Matau, Head-Chief of Infernal Affairs, conducting Interrogation session #14 for the MNCCC case, with Agent Vhisola.Master Chief: …Turaga Matau: Okay, Master Chief, if that’s your real-true name. Why did you attack the Metru Nui Comic Con?Master Chief: …Turaga Matau: Come on, I know you can talk! I’ve seen the Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn miniseries!Master Chief: …Turaga Matau: Oh for the love of.Vhisola: Master Chief, you’re so awesome! I’ve played all of the Halo video games! My favorite is Halo 3: ODST, and I can’t wait for Halo 4 to come ou-Master Chief: Wait, your favorite is ODST?Vhisola: Yeah!Master Chief: I didn’t know anybody liked that one.Vhisola: But it’s so awesome! You know, the characterization, the setting, and the Divine Comedy elements in it were a nice touch. I’m personally of the opinion that it’s an underrated-Master Chief: The books. Have you read them?Vhisola: Every single one!Master Chief: The comics?Vhisola: I subscribe!Master Chief: Okay, fine, I’ll talk. Well, you see, it’s like this… Ha! Suckers!(Master Chief is suddenly teleported out of the room in a flash of light)Turaga Matau: What?! He’s gone-vanished!Vhisola: And I didn’t even get an autograph!Turaga Matau: Don’t you see? He was stalling! Stalling while he was waiting for his buddies to ‘port him out of here!Vhisola: Well, this leaves us with a lot of unanswered questions.Turaga Matau: I’ll say. All right, never mind this. At least we were able to quick-nab the Dark Hunters. …Actually, I have a source that just might be able to help us.(Elsewhere, in the offices of 343 Industries, Master Chief is in a dark room, with a bunch of shadowy guys sitting around a table)??? #1: So, how did you find the denizens of the world of Bionicle?Master Chief: Well, I only managed to engage a bunch of those Hero-Factory punks, so I think the mission was a failure.??? #2: Darn! We dare not try the mission again. Not for a while, anyway. At the very least, we can ask, how did you find the Hero-Factory units?Master Chief: They have potential, but they fought like wimps.??? #1: At least we can cross one name off of our list…??? #2: And until then, we’ll have to continue sending you to different worlds…???#1: And, come the advent of Halo 4, we will know who you shall fight! Muwhahahaha!??? #2: Muwhahahaha!Master Chief: This is ridiculous. You’re spending all of this money on teleporting me to different worlds when we can just invent one off the top of our heads. It would cost a whole lot less than buying some disused franchise for the purpose.??? #1: You know, fellow council members, Master Chief does have a point.??? #2: Yeah… okay, you’re right. Cancel the operation and come up with something original.??? #3: I actually have some ideas right here. Okay, so there’s this Forerunner robot army called Prometheans, and…(Master Chief looks up to the ceiling and mouths the words “Thank you.”)(Meanwhile, on Metru Nui, Turaga Matau is at the Ga-Metru Library)Turaga Matau: Excuse me, Librarian. Where may I find the Philosophy section?(This particular librarian, as it turns out, is none other than-)X-Ray: Right over here, sir. (Turaga Matau and X-Ray walk over to deserted corner of the Library. X-Ray begins a whispered conversation with Turaga Matau) What are you doing here, Turaga? My cover’s on thin enough ice as it is!Turaga Matau: Forget your cover! I want to know what the Karzahni Master Chief was doing shooting up the Metru Nui Comic Con!X-Ray: Fine. 343 Industries sent him to see how Bionicle people fight, because they were planning to buy some disused franchise to stick in their next game.Turaga Matau: That’s ridiculous.X-Ray: Yeah, I can’t even believe I thought of it. Fortunately, they decided to cancel their plans.Turaga Matau: Lucky us.X-Ray: Yeah, they could have picked up the Green Hornet franchise.Turaga Matau: Okay, thank you for your time. Stay good-classy.X-Ray: Yes sir! (Shakes Turaga Matau’s hand)Turaga Matau: X, is everything alright?X-Ray: Yeah, why wouldn’t they be?Turaga Matau: It’s just that… this story about Master Chief, and what’s been happening lately. You make me worried.X-Ray: Well, the truth is, I’m looking to end the comedy soon.Turaga Matau: What-now? Why?X-Ray: Because it’s been nagging at me for a while now, and I feel that I ought to finish what I’ve started. As soon as I finish Nuva Nation, I’m going to finish off my other comedies and my epic, one at a time.Turaga Matau: Will there be a sequel to Glatorian of Bara Magna?X-Ray: I don’t know. It’s not something I look forward to doing.Turaga Matau: Well, you’re the author, and I can’t stop you. You get to decide what happens in our little world, so it’s all you.X-Ray: Hey, don’t be sad. Nuva Nation’s not over yet. Not by a longshot.(The next day, Turaga Dume is holding a press conference in front of the Coliseum. The Toa Nuva are watching him on the telescreens from the bleaches on top of their apartment building)Dume (On the telescreens): And furthermore, I would like to thank the Hero-Factory robots and the Coliseum security team for their help in this crisis. Without them, many would surely have been harmed by the evil plot of the Dark Hunters.Tahu: Well, looks like the credit has spread around for everyone, eh?Kopaka: It is most fastidious to get some recognition for our efforts.Dume: We’ll be taking questions now.Reporter #1: Le-Metru Liaison here! Will more Toa be hired in light of new threats like this fiasco?Dume: We will consider that possibility.Reporter #2: The Metru Nui Times wants to know, does the involvement by Master Chief foreshadow legal action by the City of Metru Nui against 343 Industries?Dume (On the telescreens): We will consider that possibility.Reporter #3: Ga-Metru Gazette! Will you be filing your tax returns as part of your re-election campaign?Dume: Err… no comment! No further questions please!Pohatu: I wonder if that has anything to do with those gambling debts that Takanuva told us about.Lewa: It’d be a bummer if that came to light for poor old Turaga Dume.Onua: (Stands up and stretches) Well, I’m beat. It’s almost nine o’clock, yo, and I’ve got to get up early tomorrow.(All of the other Toa go on down the stairs back into the apartment building, until only Kopaka and Gali are left on the roof)Kopaka: A glorious sunset that is, isn’t it, Gali?Gali: Uh, Kopaka?Kopaka: Yes, Gali?Gali: Uh… I want to tell you something.Kopaka: Alright, what is it you have to tell me?Gali: Well… I originally became your girlfriend so that I could make Tahu jealous.Kopaka: I… I didn’t know that.Gali: Wait, let me, finish. Now though, after everything we’ve been through together, I’ve come to really like you, the way you like me, you know? That’s why I’ve been a bit distant lately. I was feeling guilty for starting the relationship on a false premise, so to speak, but I-(Kopaka hugs Gali)Kopaka: It’s alright Gali. I understand.Gali: You’re… not angry?Kopaka: No, no. I understand why you would want to get together with Tahu. I mean, the force of will by the fans alone must be pretty pressuring. But I love you, Gali, and I want to be your boyfriend more than anything in the world.Gali: Oh, popsicle! (Kisses Kopaka on the cheek)Kopaka: Now, let us join the others.UP NEXT: Kopaka and Pohatu trail Onua, in all their buddy-cop-dynamic awesomeness! Meanwhile, the Shadowed One has an evil plan… Don’t miss a single minute of the next exciting installment of… NUVA NATION!
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#3 Offline Jalina T.T.

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Posted Oct 30 2012 - 02:32 PM

Another old comedy writer coming out of the mothballs.... Guess you just can't keep a good man down. I don't remember much of what was happening in the story before the new forums kicked in, and I'm too lazy to go back and re-read it all :P I think I picked it up pretty quickly, though. I love the format, by the way. The chapters were easy to understand and the story flowed, even for someone who hasn't read this particular comedy in a while. Great job!I hope you continue writing this...
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Defy Expectations


#4 Offline X-Ray

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Posted Nov 04 2012 - 06:10 PM

Chapter 26(It’s six o’clock in the Nuva’s apartment, and Kopaka, Pohatu, and Onua are sitting around watching TV in the living room)Pohatu: Um, Kopaka?Kopaka: Yes, brother?Pohatu: Why do we have a TV if we can just watch stuff on the telescreens?Kopaka: Because the telescreens don’t have a remote control, and you can’t change the channel.Pohatu: …Oh.(Onua looks at his watch, and then gets up, goes to his room, and comes out wearing a backpack)Onua: So long, homies!Kopaka: Where are you going, Onua?Onua: To the hood, yo dawg!Pohatu: You can’t just go gallivanting around the ghetto part of Ta-Metru. You could get mugged!Onua: Dude, who’s gonna mug a guy like me?(Onua exits the apartment)Pohatu: Kopaka, I’m worried about Onua.Kopaka: Really?Pohatu: Yeah. He’s been leaving the house around 6:30 P.M. every night for the last few weeks, and comes home late every night. I don’t like it.Kopaka: Do you suppose that he might have joined some gang?Pohatu: Possibly…Kopaka: That he might be going on clandestine bar crawls?Pohatu: Perhaps…Kopaka: Or maybe he has joined an RPG group?Pohatu: :glare:Kopaka: What do you suppose we do about it?Pohatu: Well, if he won’t tell us what he’s doing, then the only thing to do is to follow him!Kopaka: Follow him? Us?Pohatu: Yeah! Don’t worry, Toa of slush, it will be just like old times, trying to find the masks of power and all!Kopaka: Alright, Toa of pebbles, let us sally forth.Pohatu: Yeah, sally forth, yay…(Kopaka and Pohatu leave the living room, and go down the stairs)Pohatu: Say, Kopaka, I was so busy watching TV that I didn’t see where the other’s went.Kopaka: Lewa is up on the roof star gazing with his telescope, Gali is at Hahli’s apartment studying, and Tahu is at the Coliseum to talk to the Turaga about a certain matter.Pohatu: Righto!(The two arrive on the street, to find Onua nowhere in sight)Pohatu: Drat! Where could he have gone? …Wait, Kopaka! Use your mask of X-Ray vision to find him!Kopaka: In a densely populated urban area? That would invade the privacy of many people, and potentially give them cancer.Pohatu (Mask-Palms): Oh, brilliant. Here, I’ll just zoom around with my mask of speed until I find him. You use yours to.(Pohatu zooms off with his mask of speed, while Kopaka waits for a moment to summon his from the Suva, and once he does this, also zooms off. Ten seconds later, they both meet at the spot where they left from)Pohatu: He’s at the corner of Pearl and Lhikan! Let’s go!(They both zoom off again, until they are down the block from Onua, who is about to get into a chute)Pohatu: Half a minute, that’s the chute to Ga-Metru! What’s he playing?Kopaka: Hmmm… Pohatu, I just had a thought.Pohatu: What is it?Kopaka: Onua never acted like he does now on island, did he?Pohatu: No, I guess he didn’t.Kopaka: No, he was always the wisest of the Toa, or so said those guide books that have been churned out by LEGO for so long. So why does he always act like a stereotypical black ghetto resident?Pohatu: Huh, you got a point there. Maybe he was going through a midlife crisis or something.Kopaka: I think he’s too young for tha- uh oh, he’s boarding the chute!Pohatu: Quick, let’s get on!Kopaka: Wait, I have a better idea. We’ll use our Kanohi Kakama’s to get to the other end of the chute in Ga-Metru before he does!Pohatu: Brilliant, brother!(Kopaka and Pohatu race off to the other end of the chute in Ga-Metru)(Meanwhile, in the Coliseum, Tahu is standing before the seven Turaga, who are speaking to him)Turaga Dume: …therefore, in light of the recent Metru Nui Comic Con debacle, we are considering rehiring you and your team. We have also gotten a budget surplus this fiscal year, so we will be able to afford it. You would be able to live in the old Toa barracks in your respective Metru, and you would get all of your old job paychecks and benefits. What do you say?Tahu: I say, you’re on! I’d have to talk it over with my team first, but I’m sure they’d be thrilled at the prospect of getting their old jobs back. I for one, however, would be very happy to go back to being a professional Toa.Turaga Vakama: Perfect. We need more professional Toa these days.Turaga Nuju: (Speaking in Rahi bird language)Turaga Vakama: *Sigh* Nokama?Turaga Nokama (Using Kanohi Rau, the mask of translation): Sorry, brothers. The Noble version only works on writing.Turaga Matau: Great-darnnit, Nuju, why can’t you just speak normal?Turaga Nuju: Okay, guys. I was asking what we’re going to do about Ko-Metru. Even with we bring back Kopaka, it’s still one Toa short compared to the rest of the city.Turaga Vakama: Nuju has a point. What shall we do about that, Turaga Dume?Turaga Dume: We’ll have to see about hiring a new Toa of ice. Maybe Kualus and Kopaka to take on an intern?Turaga Nuju: That sounds like a plan.Tahu: So, I just have to tell the others, and if they all say yes, we get our old jobs back?Turaga Dume: Yes.Tahu: Alright! Yeah, baby! Whoot! No more being a Hero-Factory freelancer, no more crazy robot bosses, no more cleaning sewers or any of that claptrap! I’m going to be a Toa again! Yeah!(In Ga-Metru, Kopaka and Pohatu are waiting in an alley across from the chute station for Onua to come out)Pohatu: Any minute now… any minute now…(Finally, Onua comes out of the chute station)Pohatu: Okay, Kopaka, let’s follow him inconspicuously and see where he goes!Kopaka: Splendid!(Kopaka and Pohatu inconspicuously follow Onua past the several dozen Matoran who are all half their size, following someone else of the same height)Kopaka: This is ridiculous. How can we expect to stay hidden in a crowd like this?Pohatu: I’ve got an idea! We’ll use the Kanohi Miru, the mask of levitation!Kopaka: A fine idea!(Pohatu and Kopaka summon with Kanohi Miru Nuvas, and take flight in the darkened sky above Onua, but out of his line of sight)Pohatu: Hey Kopaka! Watch out for buildings and powerlines, capish?Kopaka: Yes, Pohatu!(The duo continue to follow Onua, until he enters the grounds of-)Pohatu: Ga-Metru Community College? What?Kopaka: Hmmm… Let us descend, brother.(Kopaka and Pohatu follow Onua into Ga-Metru Community College, where he goes into a classroom. Next to the classroom is a sign that reads, “Greek Philosophy 101”)Kopaka: Let me see if I understand this. Onua is sneaking out at night to go to night school?Pohatu: Yeah, he really threw us a curve ball here. Hey, Kopaka, use your mask of X-Ray Vision to see what’s going on inside the classroom!Kopaka: Well, alright. (Kopaka uses his mask of X-Ray vision to see inside the classroom) Thanks to modifications to my mask made by Nuparu, I can also hear what’s going on inside!Pohatu: Ingenious! Hey, look who the teacher is!Kopaka: X-Ray? Teaching a Greek Philosophy class?(Inside the classroom)X-Ray: And so, that is Utilitarianism. Yes, Onua?Onua: Mr. Ray, How can Plato’s theory of forms be applied to utilitarianism?X-Ray: Well, Onua, I suppose that…Pohatu: Holy nuts! Onua’s his wise old self again!Kopaka: This entire time, his gangster persona has been but a façade!Pohatu: Dude, we really need to talk to him about this.(Meanwhile, on Odina, the Shadowed One is pacing in his chambers, when the recorder enters the room)Recorder: Uh, sir?TSO: What is it, Recorder? You know I don’t like to be barged in on.Recorder: Err, it’s important, sir.TSO: Alright, spill.Recorder: Do you remember that anonymous email we got? The one that threatened to publish an embarrassing video of you if we did not withdraw our forces from the Nynrah area?TSO: Yes, what of it?Recorder: And… do you remember how you told us to give the threat no heed?TSO: Yes! Get to the point!Recorder (Pulls out an iPad): Well, sir, we just received an email, informing us that they posted this video on the internet.(The Shadowed One watches the video, which is low quality cell phone recorded video, with a shaky camera and a feedback ridden, but still intelligible, sound. It’s the video of the Shadowed One rapping that Nobody recorded on his cell phone)TSO in video: Yo, I'm The Shadowed One, just so you know,I and my Dark Hunters steal and kill for dough.I can barbeque people with my laser eyes,And If I give the word, then you sir will die! DIE! DIE! DIE!TSO: This is… this is uncalled for! :burnmad:Recorder: What shall we do, sir!TSO: Scramble all operatives to Metru Nui! Until we know who did this, we shall hold the city captive! And when we find who did it, they will all die! DIE! DIIIIEEEE!(Later on, the Recorder is walking down the hall, when he bumps into Ancient)Ancient: Oh, hi, Recorder. What was all that screaming I heard from the Shadowed One’s chambers about fifteen minutes ago?Recorder: Oh, the boss found out about that video of him that was posted on the internet.Ancient: Oh, yeah. The video’s gone viral around the whole island. Everyone’s cracking up over their computers.Recorder: Yeah, well now the boss wants us to take over Metru Nui until whoever did this is comes forward.Ancient: …Oh, dear me… Uh, well, see you later, Recorder!Recorder: Farewell. (Recorder leaves. Ancient checks to see if Nobody is around, and then, finding that he isn’t, pulls out his cell phone)Anicent: Hello, Helryx? TSO just found out about that video we posted, and he’s mad as Karzahni. He says he’s going to invade Metru Nui until he finds out who did it. … What? … Okay, you’re the boss, righto. Bye. (Closes the phone) Ugh, what have you gotten us into now, Helryx?UP NEXT: Kopaka and Pohatu confront Onua, and the Shadowed One heads for Metru Nui! Be there for the next exciting installment of… NUVA NATION!


Edited by X-Ray, Feb 10 2013 - 09:03 PM.

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#5 Offline Onarax

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Posted Nov 08 2012 - 06:09 AM

Ah, Nuva Nation. Its return is a rather good thing for the forum.Nice to see you haven't lost much of your skills.Now, time to go on an archive binge so I can catch up again.
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#6 Offline X-Ray

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Posted Nov 11 2012 - 05:46 PM

Chapter 27(Kopaka and Pohatu are sitting in the hall of Ga-Metru Community College, waiting for Onua to get out of class)Pohatu (Looks at his watch): Just a few more minutes, bro.(A bell rings, and half a minute later, Onua and several others come out of the classroom. Onua practically jumps at the sight of Kopaka and Pohatu)Pohatu: Onua, brother.Onua: Errr… what-up, homies?Kopaka: Can it, Onua. We want some answers out of you.Pohatu: Yeah! Just for how long have you been taking night classes at GMCC?Onua: *Sigh* About a month now.Kopaka: Why did you feel the need to hide it?Onua: I don’t know, I guess I just felt comfortable being a gangster, brothers. Being the wisest of the Toa can really be a pressure, and I didn’t want that responsibility anymore. So I took up the “gangsta” lifestyle, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake my intellectual side. So I saved up some money, and I started taking night classes here.Kopaka: It’s okay, Onua, we understand.Pohatu: Yeah, we knew you couldn’t really be such a lunk head.Kopaka: Pohatu!Pohatu: What? I’m just saying.Onua: Well, I have to get back to class now. Cheerio!(Onua walks away)Pohatu: Okay, mystery solved. Now what?Kopaka: Let’s go home, brother.(Kopaka and Pohatu use the mask of speed to go home)(Meanwhile, on Daxia, Helryx is talking with several other OMN members in a conference room)Helryx: Okay, we have a situation, people! The Shadowed One is launching an attack on Metru Nui! Does anyone here have any idea how to stop him?Trinuma: Blackmail?Helryx: Tried that, didn’t work.Axonn: A counterattack?Helryx: We’re working on that.Tobduk: Assassinate TSO?Helryx: Maybe… (Suddenly, Helryx’s cellphone starts to ring) Hang on a sec. Hello? … What? Great Beings preserve us! Okay, don’t panic, we’re on our way. (Closes cell phone) Okay everyone, send a call out to all agents to mobilize at Metru Nui! The Dark Hunters have arrived in the head of the Mata Nui Robot!(Back in Metru Nui, Iruini is standing guard at the southern tip of Le-Metru, when he sees a huge fleet of boats on the horizon)Iruini: Holy cow! A huge fleet of ships! (Takes out his cellphone) Iruini to Gukko Force! I need some intel on this fleet of ships that have just appeared on the horizon!(Fifteen minutes later…)Gukko Force Captain: Bad news, Toa Iruini! It’s a powerful force of evil with no remorse!Iruini: *Gasp* The Brotherhood of Makuta?Gukko Force Captain: No-Iruini: The Taliban?Gukko Force Captain: No, it’s-Iruini: Gasp! The IRS?!Gukko Force Captain: No! It’s the Dark Hunters!Iruini: Sound the alarm! We need every Toa we’ve got to get on standby, and we’ll need Hero-Factory too!(Pretty soon, the entire city has been alerted. Turaga Dume is announcing it on the Telescreens)Turaga Dume: Attention, attention! The Dark Hunters have mobilized a fleet to attack the city! All Matoran not part of the armed forces must take flight to Po-Metru! All guards and Toa must assemble at the Coliseum!(Meanwhile, at the Toa Nuva’s apartment, Tahu is telling the other Toa about their job offer from the Turaga)Tahu: And now he says he wants us back!Kopaka: This is most excellent, Tahu!Onua: I can’t believe we’re going to be professional Toa again!Gali: I can barely believe you’ve been going to college.Lewa: Hooray-yes! Everything is going good and well!(Suddenly, Pohatu comes into the apartment)Pohatu: Uh, guys? I just saw an announcement on the telescreens. The Dark Hunters are mobilizing to attack Metru Nui!Lewa: Why did I ever wide-open my mouth?Pohatu: He also said that all Toa had to report to the Coliseum!Tahu: Well, let’s go! We’re Toa, aren’t we?Other Toa Nuva: Heck yeah!Tahu: Then let’s go! Pohatu, Mask of Speed!Pohatu: Yes, Tahu!(Pohatu activates his Kanohi Kakama Nuva, which allows them to reach the entrance to the Coliseum in seconds. When they arrive, Takanuva is there to greet them)Takanuva: You’re all the first to arrive! Quick, to the situation room!Tahu: We have a situation room?Takanuva: It’s the Coliseum. We have a room for everything.(Half an hour later, all of the Toa Nuva, Toa Mahri, and Toa Hagah are standing around with the Turaga in the situation room. It has a large map of Metru Nui on a table)Pohatu: It sure is crowded in here.Turaga Matau: Okay, guys. According to my OMN friends, the Dark Hunters are mobilizing to attack us because of this video that was posted on the internet. (Shows video of the Shadowed One rapping to the others)Onua: He’s actually pretty good.Turaga Matau: Okay, does anyone have an idea how to stop this guy besides fighting him? A pitched battle would destroy Metru Nui beyond repair.Onua: Actually, I have an idea.Turaga Matau: What would that be?NEXT: The final chapter of Nuva Nation! Can the Toa Nuva hold off the Dark Hunters until help arrives? What is Onua’s plan? Find out next time in the last exciting installment of… NUVA NATION!


Edited by X-Ray, Feb 10 2013 - 09:08 PM.

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#7 Offline X-Ray

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Posted Nov 25 2012 - 08:28 PM

Chapter 28(The Toa Nuva, the Toa Mahri, and the Toa Hagah are all standing on the southern-most edge of Le-Metru, waiting for the Dark Hunters to come)Lewa: Onua-man, you sure this plan will quick-work?Onua: Absolutely. If I know the Shadowed One, he’d never pass up a challenge like this.Lewa: Great-good! …You do know the Shadowed One, right-yes?Onua: Uh, no, not really. I’ve only met the guy once, and read about him, so, yeah, this plan is basically a shot in the dark.Lewa: Ha-ha! Shot in the dark!Tahu: Huh?Lewa: Get it? Shot in the dark? Dark hunters?Tahu: Yeah, right.(Meanwhile, the Shadowed One’s fleet is just arriving in Metru Nui’s dome. TSO is on the bridge of his flagship, the Darkzilla)TSO: Okay, crew, we’re almost to Metru Nui, and we’re going to sack it. Here’s the plan of attack-(Suddenly, a Gukko bird flies overhead and drops a bottle with a note stuck in it onto TSO’s head, causing it to shatter)TSO: Ouch! Wait, what’s this?Lariska: It appears to be a note, sir.TSO: Let’s see what it says. “Dear TSO. I, Onua Nuva, challenge you to a rap battle for the fate of Metru Nui. Why have a bloody battle in which dozens on both sides would surely die, instead of an honest challenge like this? Signed, Onua Nuva, Toa Nuva of Earth, and the Toa Nuva, Toa Mahri, Toa Hagah, and Turaga.”Lariska: You’re not really going to consider this stupid challenge are you?TSO: Stupid? This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for my entire life! That rap video may have been embarrassing, but once my rapping skill wins me Metru Nui, everyone will take me seriously!Lariska: Good grief. Hey, Ancient, get a load of this.Ancient: What?Lariska: The boss just accepted the Toa’s challenge to a rap battle.Ancient: Huh? Wow, uh, weird. Um, I have to go to the little boy’s room. (Leaves to a deserted corner of the Darkzilla, pulls out cellphone disguised as a fork) Hello? Helryx? Yeah, this is Ancient. The Toa have just challenged TSO to a rap battle. I figure this should buy us some time until our forces can arrive and the Hero Factory units can assemble their forces. … Wait, what? … Okay, you got it. I’ll keep an eye out for him. … Uh huh. … Okay, bye.(Back on Metru Nui, the Darkzilla has arrived at the southern tip of Le-Metru, flanked by two other ships. TSO leaves his ship with Sentrakh and Lariska flanking him)TSO: Okay, which one of you is Onua Nuva?Onua: Um… I’m da man, yo!TSO: Okay then. Shall we move to the Coliseum where all may witness your humiliation?Onua: You’re the one whose gonna be humiliated, punk!TSO: We shall see.Tahu: You sure you got this, Onua?Onua: I didn’t listen to all those rap CDs for nothing, brother. Let’s have at it!(In the Coliseum, hundreds of Matoran and Dark Hunters have assembled to watch Onua and TSO’s rap battle. Turaga Dume is the referee)Turaga Dume: Ladies and Gentlemen, Matoran and Dark Hunters, I welcome you to the Toa-Dark Hunter Rap Battle! In the right corner, in the black armor, is the orifice of Onu-Metru, the Toa Nuva of Earth, and amateur rap master, and the home player, Onua Nuva!(All of the Matoran cheer, while the Dark Hunters boo)Turaga Dume: And in this corner, in black and yellow armor, the mouth of the south, amateur rapper supreme, the new favorite and the away player, the Shadowed One!(All of the Dark Hunters cheer and whistle, while the Matoran boo)Turaga Dume: The rules are that you must keep a continuous line of rapping for five minutes, after which the audience will vote to decide who won. Should either of you slip up on a rhyme, the battle will be automatically over, and the other person will be the winner by default. Let the rap battle begin! Onua, being the home player, gets to go first!Onua: Ahem. Yo, I’m Onua Nuva, I’m a Toa-HeroI’ve got black armor, and I’m cool from the get goI’m strong, powerful, and best of allI’m the wisest of the Toa, though I’m not too tall.TSO: Your rapping sucks, I’ll tell you that nowYou call this a battle? You fight like a cow!I’m the Shadowed One, second to none!You can consider this battle over and done!Audience: Oooohhh…Onua: You think I’m a bad rapper? Well, let me set the record straight.I’ll win this battle that decides my city’s fate.You think you’re so great? Well, think again!This battle is mine, but it’s your lion’s den!TSO: But the thing about that den is that Daniel did escape.I’m the same way, but I won’t just run- I’ll dominate!The Dark Hunters are my homies, they’ve got skills.We’ll do any dirty work, so long as it pays the bills!Onua: I’ve got a team too, they’re the Toa Nuva!We gather all around, hold our meetings at our Suva!We protect Metru Nui from any threat at all!You and your hunters? Their just the next ones to fall!TSO: Oh, I’m so scared, oh wait, I’m not!I deal out fear, that’s my life’s lot!While you were stuck in a stupid metal tubeI was taking names while I was still a noob!(Meanwhile, Ancient is watching the rap battle, when who should walk up next to him but-)Nobody: Hiya, underbossman.Ancient (Whispering): Nobody? What are you doing here?Nobody: I’ve come to tip the scales in Onua’s favor. I brought this to help. (Pulls out the mask of Irony)Ancient: *Gasp* The mask of Irony! So, that’s what Helryx needed it for!Nobody: That’s right. Now, to use it. (Puts on the mask of Irony) I wonder how it will work this time. (Uses mask of Irony)(Back in the arena, Onua and TSO are continuing their rap battle)Onua: I’m Onua Nuva, I’ve got a name for myself!You dark hunters, you’re just collecting dust on the shelf!You rule by fear, nobody likes you at all!You’ve got a target on your head the size of a mall!TSO: That may be somewhat true, but rest assuredThe line between hero and villain can be quite blurred.I and my Hunters who are in the dark,We- uh, um…Nobody: Ha! The Dark Hunter can’t rhyme on dark! How… ironic.(Suddenly, a huge claxon goes off)Turaga Dume: The Shadowed One has failed to make a rhyme. He is, by default, the loser!TSO: Noooooo! Grrrrrrrrr… DARK HUNTERS! ATTACK!(The Dark Hunters start chasing the Matoran around the Coliseum)Random Matoran #128: AIEEE! Run!Random Matoran #63: There’s too many of them!Onua Nuva: Toa! Fight!(The Toa all start fighting the Dark Hunters. Suddenly, an army of Hero Factory robots fly into the arena)Bulk: Alright, scrap-buckets! Incapacitate all non-Toa, non-Matoran, and non-Turaga!X-Ray: What about me?Bulk: And all non-X-Rays!(Meanwhile, Tahu is fighting the Shadowed One in the center of the arena)Tahu: It’s just you and me, TSO! Prepare to be captured!TSO: You fool! You shall never defeat me!Tahu: FALCON PUNCH! (Tahu gives TSO a powerful uppercut, sending the leader of the Dark Hunters sprawling)(Suddenly, an army of OMN agents rush into the arena)Helryx: Freeze, desperadoes! You’re outnumbered and outgunned!Ancient: Uh, we surrender! … I said we surrender!(All of the Dark Hunters stop fighting and put down their weapons)Helryx: That’s better! Okay, agents! Take them into custody and book ‘em.(Several days later, Turaga Dume is holding an awards ceremony in the Coliseum)Turaga Dume: I hearby award Toa Onua Nuva and Toa Tahu Nuva the Lhikan Medallion for their outstanding performance in the Battle for Metru Nui!(Everybody cheers, including the other Toa Nuva, Toa Mahri, Takanuva, and Toa Hagah, who are in the audience with the Matoran)Turaga Dume: I also extend special thanks to the agents of Hero Factory and the Order of Mata Nui!Crowd: Hurray! Huzzah! Yay! Etc.Tahu: Thank you so much, Turaga!Onua: It really means a lot to us!Turaga Dume: You’re welcome. Now that that’s all taken care of, it’s time to party! Hit it, Taka!(A huge disco ball is lowered over the arena, the collapsible roof is deployed, and some groovy seventies music starts playing over the sound system. Turaga Dume and all of the audience members start dancing. Takanuva is running the sound board and is acting as the DJ)Kopaka: I’m afraid you’ll have to show me the moves, Gali.Gali: Don’t worry, popsicle, we have all the time in world!Pohatu: Yeah! Boogie boogie! Whoo!Lewa: This is ever-awesome-cool-terrific!Onua: Yo, we’re the Toa Nuva, we’re livin’ largeNo more living in an apartment that stinks like bargeWe’re heroes again, we’ve saved the dayNow it’s time for us to relax and play!Tahu: Yeah, dude!X-Ray: *Sigh* Party animals.

 

 

 

The End

[font="'trebuchet ms', helvetica, sans-serif;"][color=#008080;]Well, that's the end of Nuva Nation! The next chapter of Glatorian of Bara Magna: Curse of the Grey Crystal should be coming next week! See you then, folks![/color][/font][font="'trebuchet ms', helvetica, sans-serif;"][color=#008080;] :akaku: X-Ray :akaku:[/color][/font]


Edited by X-Ray, Feb 10 2013 - 09:19 PM.

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#8 Offline Onarax

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Posted Dec 02 2012 - 03:59 AM

It is a fine day, is it not? Of course, 'fine' is such a subjective term - many would consider a fine day to be clear skies, mild temperature, low humidity ... yet others may consider it to be a ridiculously cold day in which the heavens let loose with their tears, bathing the world below in a sea of water.

 

It may surprise you all that I prefer both of them, although not in the same day. My greatest wish is to one day experience consistent weather, without rapid changes and four seasons occurring within the span of a few hours. Alas, such is the curse of Melbourne, former capital city of Australia (Not Sydney by the way, because Sydney has never, and never will be, the capital city), and its impossibly terrible weather.

 

Of course, none of this is actually relevant to this post, which is actually the ordered Comedies Critics Club Review, assigned to I, Ordinary Magician, by our Overlordship, iBrow, just as I had returned from my long hike.

 

Now without further ado, we shall begin our review.

 

Spelling and Grammar:

 

(Suddenly the light turns on, revealing Turaga Matau sitting at his desk with Vhisola on one side, and Tahu and Takanva sitting on the other side)

Takanuva, not Takanva.

 

And surprisingly, that was pretty much the only real error I found in this comedy. You must be pretty good a proof-reading, seeing that your spelling and grammar was excellent. Even if there could be small errors that I did not notice, they do not detract from the story at all, because I could easily understand the comedy.

 

Anyway, I'd give it a beautiful 91%.

 

Humour:

 

Your humour is pretty original. I rather enjoy some of your jokes, yet at times they can get stale, such as the use of Master Chief, who appears too much for me to take seriously as a joke, which doesn't really make sense though, but yeah, his appearance seemed a bit convoluted.

 

Of course, other than that, you do decent work with your humour. The jokes aren't really anything to write home about, but you are able to time the more comedic moments well. I also enjoyed the rap battle section a lot - it was surprising that you could come up with some verses that well.

 

Although you've used humour pretty well, I recommend you could make your jokes a bit better, and weave them into the comedy more at large.

 

Well, your next one, seeing that this has ended.

 

Rating it 81%.

 

Plot:

 

From the chapters you have asked for the CCC to review, there are three distinct plot-lines. One was the resolution of the problem in the Coliseum and the Comic Con, another the downtime for the Toa Nuva and their bonding, as well as being reinstated as Toa, and finally the Dark Hunter invasion of the City of Legends.

 

To me, the first seemed to have a rather abrupt ending, especially seeing that the Master Chief was simply teleported away by 343 Industries. Although I suppose those chapters were interconnected with previous chapters back in the Archives, which make it seem a bit more abrupt.

 

It could have been better with a slightly more fleshed out ending.

 

The second part was my favourite, the interactions between the Toa Nuva being greatly amusing and entertaining. Even if it technically isn't really a plot-line, except for the short part in which Pohatu and Kopaka decide to learn of what Onua does in his spare time, it is a short and sweet intermission between the two major plots of these chapters.

 

The last part, to me, was incredibly rushed. It felt as if it was merely a vessel for a rap battle, with the Order of Mata Nui quickly saving everyone, before the comedy fully ending. There wasn't much 'meat' to this part of the comedy, which was probably due to your wish for its end.

 

I'd rate it 73%.

 

Overall:

 

In conclusion, despite having excellent mechanics of writing and some decent humour, I found it to be a weak ending to a rather good comedy. If you were to continue it on slightly longer, it could have had a better finish than one like this, although I did enjoy it otherwise.

 

Well then X-Ray, you've had a decent run with Nuva Nation, and I will be sad to see it go.

 

Final Rating = (91 + 81 + 73) / 3 = 81.667~%


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