Edited by Legolover-361, Aug 21 2012 - 10:22 PM.
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Posted Aug 21 2012 - 10:14 PM
Posted Aug 21 2012 - 11:49 PM
Posted Aug 22 2012 - 06:49 AM
In this case, the Eternity needs fuel to accelerate quickly enough to "hop" to another dimension. (I didn't explain the dimension-hop itself because I didn't feel like doing a bunch of research. )
A spaceship running out of fuel really isn't very realistic, what passes for atmosphere in space is so thin that any effects it has on a object's velocity is very minimal. Ships need fuel to maneuver, not travel in one direction.
Well, first, they needed time for their generator to change the fuel into usable charge; second, they needed time to generate the necessary power, but their red giant of a star wasn't going to give them that time.
Why do they have to be so far way from anything to is dimension-jump device? I might have missed the explanation on first read through.
Edited by Legolover-361, Aug 22 2012 - 06:50 AM.
Posted Feb 06 2013 - 11:19 PM
Posted Feb 07 2013 - 04:54 PM
However, I will come out and say that what really gets me is the whole "dumb luck" thing. Purely by chance it ended up on a planet with near-perfect conditions for life? Really?And it's not like the cargo container couldn't be programmed to seek out suitable planets, or anything like that. Because that's a perfectly good explanation that takes very little away from your story...except for the face that humanity is around due to dumb luck.But if you really wanted to make that point, there are easier ways to do so than to establish humanity's ancestors specifically setting out to ensure that humanity lives on. That isn't dumb luck; that's a post-apocalyptic last resort.I suppose talking about dumb luck looked good while I was writing it but isn't quite as sound when you examine it closer.I will point out, however, that the decision to launch the capsule by itself was a last-minute change after the generator screwed up. The original plan was for the entire spaceship to make the dimension-hop; Nielson decided to deattach the capsule because less mass would mean less energy required for the hop.
On that note, I love the concept of a super advanced race of humans whose world would be destroyed...but if you wanted to use the tale to make a grand statement, why not have it so that somehow it was that human race who destroyed their world and wanted to make sure their race lives on. You could tie it into any number of the issues currently hitting us today, here on Earth -- for example, you could that issue X had gotten so bad that the only real solution was to reboot the entire race.I like that sort of concept, but I didn't intend for this story to be anything more than a couple people fighting against fate. No environmental message, no political message, just impending doom and how people can deal with it.I based Eternity upon the theory that, one day, the last star in our universe will die and leave nothing behind save for debris floating in eternal darkness -- and that, thus, humanity's only way of surviving beyond the effective death of our universe would be to migrate to another.
The final complaint I have is when Evelyn mentions that some survivors could get off Iris via a rescue ship...if that's the case, why do they need to ensure that the human race lives on, in an entirely different dimension, tens of thousands of years later?I can't recall thinking too much about the rescue ship. As I best remember, I intended for the rescue starship to only be a temporary solution: After all, without any outside sources of power, it will only sustain human life for a little while before it, too, goes dark.
And, sort of a minor point, why is she counting in Earth days if the Earth is still being formed?Because I, silly as I am, apparently forgot that their planet was named "Iris" instead of "Earth".
What I'm trying to say is, you've written an excellent story -- I love the characters, the futility, that sense of doom that's oh-so-amazingly pervasive throughout the entire tale -- but it's got the potential to be something really spectacular. But really, well done. It's excellently written and very captivating.Thanks a lot for your in-depth review. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I'll try to keep your feedback in mind (especially should I ever write another sci-fi apocalypse story).
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