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RPG Forum Contest 25 Reviews

RPG Contest RPGC25

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#1 Online Black Six

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Posted Aug 31 2012 - 09:41 PM

RPG Forum Text-Based RPG Contest 25 ReviewsYou know the drill. Read the rules here. Submit entries here. Review entries and discuss reviews here.
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#2 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Sep 06 2012 - 06:00 PM

Hello, welcome to Master Contestant, only the goal of this is to select from a panel of judges named Levacius, Levacius, and Levacius which RPGs will get through, and which RPGs will be chopped. Or become Master RPGs. Or Top RPGs. Something, really. Luckily, these three judges are not in charge of determining who continues onwards. Otherwise, our grand winner would be Zyglak Quest.The rules of this contest are simple. Contestants will be judged on plating, originality, and taste. A maximum of one hundred and fifty stars can be awarded - thirty for plating, fifty for originality, and seventy for taste.Plating = The presentation. Format, number of strange typos, the way that it was written overall.Originality = To put it simply, how original the idea is. Nothing could be a 100% new idea - after all, having characters, and it being Bionicle, and underground, are required. So this is more about how everything is implemented into a new idea, or a unique story. People who have really innovative RPGs might see themselves in the 40s range, or even the mid 40s, but scoring past 48 is probably impossible.Taste = How much I like the RPG. It could be original and have excellent format, but I might just not like it. I would not want to see My Little Pony meets Bionicle as an RPG. Come to think of it, though, crossovers are the definition of unoriginal ideas. This section also talks about the RPG itself.

RPG Name: Violet Orange Trouble Evolved 4: Kings and LunaticsAuthor: Kal the Guardian (Kal)Plating: Score 26/30. This RPG was, overall, presented with a nice text format that wasn't very hard on the eyes and was pleasant to read. The fact that the text remains rather static in coloration for the long reads keeps you from getting confused, while the switching between later sections makes it easier to find things when accompanied with headings. The only thing that peeves me is the coloration of the yellowish orange for parts of the locations. Which, while fitting with the places name, is still hard on my eyes for whatever reason, but YMMV. So I can't give it perfect. Outside of that, there might have been a few typos that passed by my natural autocorrect ability. The only thing of note for me is using the term 'stone earth tribe' so often. I believe that the word 'petrified' or versions of it would be more exciting.Originality: Score 46/50. Well, upon looking at your RPGs name - or, rather, upon my attempt to shorten your RPGs name into an acronym - I immediately bumped you up another point just for that. What's strange is that I can't really figure out what the genre is trying to be. Is it a horror game? Or is it survival? Or is it a tournament? Or is it exploration? Or is it mystery? Is it a heroic fantasy? Is it a romantic comedy? Okay, maybe not the last one unless TD joins, but you get the point. I don't know what niche it's trying to fill. Maybe all of them.Taste: Score 67/70. Even if I can't figure out exactly what genre this RPG is, I think I like it. I enjoy the setting and the story given, which is somewhat humorous and not completely dry. The world doesn't feel static; it feels like there's stuff to do for almost anybody. So yeah, it tastes good. Not bacon good, but good.In the end, I do believe I am going to 'VOTE 4 KAL' in this contest. Unless I like something else more. But since you were the first to submit, and people hate change, you've probably got enough anyways. Good job for leading us. Also, I want to note that the three character limit might be a bit too low. Or it might not. I dunno.Total Stars 139 of 150

Also - D'aww, I'm awesome. :PSo yeah, my first review.-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:

Edited by Toa Levacius Zehvor, Sep 06 2012 - 07:37 PM.

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#3 Offline The Lorax

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Posted Sep 07 2012 - 06:25 PM

A few thoughs on VOTE 4: KaLFirst off, this is a cool RPG. It has just about everything: an interesting location, elaborate backstory, mysteries to solve, contests, a potentially dodgy ruler, cool names for stuff... the list goes on. There are just a few things that bug me. Fix these, and you're not far off perfect.So, in no particular order:The plural of millennium is millennia, not milenniums. Sometimes, you use one, sometimes the other.You know what this RPG needs? A map or two. When I started reading the story and you mentioned that maps had been made of much of Violet Orange, I expected to see said maps, so when they weren't there, I ran through the entry a few times looking for them. The location descriptions are very good, but I'd like to be able to picture where they all are in relation to each other. While I'm on that, another very map-able thing is the sequence of caverns on the way into VO. The Cavern of the Unseen, the Staircase of Soreness etc. Just seeing how it all fits together in a simple diagram would do wonders for my understanding of your world, and probably others' too.Is there is list somewhere of all the events in the Trouble Games? A few are given as examples, but a full list somewhere would be very helpful for people who plan on entering characters.I agree with Levacius that the character limit is limiting. In a game with so much cool stuff going on, it would be hard to get involved in all of it with only 3 characters.Kudos for the acronym. Did you really name all that stuff/craft the story just to get that? Its pretty impressive that you manged to have what would otherwise be a nonsense acronym perfectly describe your game. Anyway, extra points for that. Just make sure the acronym is used for the polls, not the full title.The Priests of Horror just seem to come out of nowhere when they are first mentioned right at the end of the narrative as being crazy. They don't appear in any of the earlier ages when they (presumably) were formed or rose to power, they're just suddenly there and powerful. When you've written such an elaborate backstory for everything else, it just seems odd that a whole group was not mentioned. Maybe you could slip them in somewhere?There isn't any information on NPCs/ important figures in Violet Orange. Is this intentional to keep the mystery there, or would it not hurt to know a bit about the Kings, etc? It's no biggie, but I'd be interested to know a bit about the rulers or other influential beings.
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#4 Offline Kal the Guardian

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Posted Sep 07 2012 - 07:54 PM

Plating: Score 26/30. This RPG was, overall, presented with a nice text format that wasn't very hard on the eyes and was pleasant to read. The fact that the text remains rather static in coloration for the long reads keeps you from getting confused, while the switching between later sections makes it easier to find things when accompanied with headings. The only thing that peeves me is the coloration of the yellowish orange for parts of the locations. Which, while fitting with the places name, is still hard on my eyes for whatever reason, but YMMV. So I can't give it perfect. Outside of that, there might have been a few typos that passed by my natural autocorrect ability. The only thing of note for me is using the term 'stone earth tribe' so often. I believe that the word 'petrified' or versions of it would be more exciting.That is actually "dark" orange; and I tried other colors, but they didn't seem to work. Yeah there's probably a lot of typos this time around. That is basically my rough draft. And ok, when I go back through it, I'll be sure to change up the 'stone earth tribe'.Originality: Score 46/50. Well, upon looking at your RPGs name - or, rather, upon my attempt to shorten your RPGs name into an acronym - I immediately bumped you up another point just for that. What's strange is that I can't really figure out what the genre is trying to be. Is it a horror game? Or is it survival? Or is it a tournament? Or is it exploration? Or is it mystery? Is it a heroic fantasy? Is it a romantic comedy? Okay, maybe not the last one unless TD joins, but you get the point. I don't know what niche it's trying to fill. Maybe all of them.I guess all of them? Seriously I wasn't going for anything, I was just like, "I'm tired, but I'm making this RPG anyway." Everything was created right on the spot. Taste: Score 67/70. Even if I can't figure out exactly what genre this RPG is, I think I like it. I enjoy the setting and the story given, which is somewhat humorous and not completely dry. The world doesn't feel static; it feels like there's stuff to do for almost anybody. So yeah, it tastes good. Not bacon good, but good.In the end, I do believe I am going to 'VOTE 4 KAL' in this contest. Unless I like something else more. But since you were the first to submit, and people hate change, you've probably got enough anyways. Good job for leading us. Also, I want to note that the three character limit might be a bit too low. Or it might not. I dunno.Well the Profile section is copy pasted out of Shifting Sands, so I should probably change it to 5 or something along those lines. Total Stars 139 of 150 Thanks for the review!

A few thoughs on VOTE 4: KaLFirst off, this is a cool RPG. It has just about everything: an interesting location, elaborate backstory, mysteries to solve, contests, a potentially dodgy ruler, cool names for stuff... the list goes on. There are just a few things that bug me. Fix these, and you're not far off perfect.So, in no particular order:The plural of millennium is millennia, not milenniums. Sometimes, you use one, sometimes the other. Writing when you know you should be sleeping will do that to a man. I'll be sure to fix it.You know what this RPG needs? A map or two. When I started reading the story and you mentioned that maps had been made of much of Violet Orange, I expected to see said maps, so when they weren't there, I ran through the entry a few times looking for them. The location descriptions are very good, but I'd like to be able to picture where they all are in relation to each other. While I'm on that, another very map-able thing is the sequence of caverns on the way into VO. The Cavern of the Unseen, the Staircase of Soreness etc. Just seeing how it all fits together in a simple diagram would do wonders for my understanding of your world, and probably others' too.Like I said, I literally came up with this whole RPG in a matter of about 5 hours. I haven't even thought of maps yet, but I'll see what I can do.Is there is list somewhere of all the events in the Trouble Games? A few are given as examples, but a full list somewhere would be very helpful for people who plan on entering characters. A full list of games you say? Yeah that will require some planning. So far I haven't done any of that yet. I'll be sure to put it on my list of things to do.I agree with Levacius that the character limit is limiting. In a game with so much cool stuff going on, it would be hard to get involved in all of it with only 3 characters. Opinions realized! How does 5 sound?Kudos for the acronym. Did you really name all that stuff/craft the story just to get that? Its pretty impressive that you manged to have what would otherwise be a nonsense acronym perfectly describe your game. Anyway, extra points for that. Just make sure the acronym is used for the polls, not the full title.Heh heh, not sure if B6 would do that. :P As for the name, I came up with it for fun and decided to try to see if I could make an RPG fit into it. So as I wrote the story, I decided where to stick each word in the title. Outside of the 5 hours writing it, there was no planning involved. I made this completely up on the spot.The Priests of Horror just seem to come out of nowhere when they are first mentioned right at the end of the narrative as being crazy. They don't appear in any of the earlier ages when they (presumably) were formed or rose to power, they're just suddenly there and powerful. When you've written such an elaborate backstory for everything else, it just seems odd that a whole group was not mentioned. Maybe you could slip them in somewhere?Elaborate backstory? :superfunny: Just by reading what I have said above this, you can tell the "elaborate backstory" is no so elaborate at all. But I see your point, I will have them mentioned earlier. As for being powerful, did I say they were? More like super crazy beings locked away in their asylum. :PThere isn't any information on NPCs/ important figures in Violet Orange. Is this intentional to keep the mystery there, or would it not hurt to know a bit about the Kings, etc? It's no biggie, but I'd be interested to know a bit about the rulers or other influential beings. Heh, I was going to, but I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. So I coded and colored the RPG and posted it. NPCs will be put in at a later date. The two kings at least. Maybe more? I don't really know who else would be important enough to tell about. (and that's sad, considering I made the RPG) Otherwise, Thanks for the Review!

In closing, thank you both. I will be sure to implement the changes mentioned sometime in the future but before the 22nd.

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#5 Offline The Lorax

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Posted Sep 15 2012 - 12:17 AM

This topic is too slow. It needs some more activity. With this in mind, I have finalyy got around to reviewing some more entries.Subterranean Animism - SubversionThe title seems a strange one to me, though I suppose it is some sort of obscure reference that I don't get. Nevertheless, it must make sense to those who understand, so I won't complain much.The premise of the RPG is simple, but a good one. People living underground are trying to survive while under attack from rahi, mutagens and each other. I like how you've left plenty of room for characters to do a wide variety of things, rather than conctraining them to a limited plot.Just a question about the outcasts: why do they keep on protecting everyone else from the mutant rahi? If society has kicked them out, why are they still fighting and dying to protect the ones who gave them the boot?The locations are fine, but personally, I'd love to see a bit more detail there. I know you are famous for short posts, but a little description wouldn't hurt here. Just a few things like: how big is the Onu-Karda Cave? And Onu-Mahri? Are there any non-mutant rahi present? Does everyone carry around lightstones to see by, or is there some other lighting source? Where are the villages in relation to each other? How many beings live in them? What sort of species are the most common? Are there species-specific or species dominated villages? What are the outposts like? What sort of food does the Agricultural Management City produce and how? Do they farm plants or animals? Things like this make it easier for players to imagine the world the characters are in and play accordingly.Oh yeah, and you mentioned lava-farming earlier. Where is the lava coming from? It isn't mentioned anywhere.The introductory paragraph of the locations section seems to contradict itself too. First, there aren't many places to run around in, and then there are. Some clarification might be good here.

Others:Other than the main factions, there are many small factions peppered around the world, along with those who do not wish to follow anybody. These people range from adventurers to weak warlords, but even they may be able to make a difference in this world.

So does this mean that players can make their own (less powerful) warlords? Cool.The rules state the several things are "unallowed". Either this is another reference I don't get, or they should be "disallowed".The Light meets the DarkBig disaster, yada yada, everyone is forced to live underground and forced to rebuilt civilasation there. It looks like we'll be seeing a lot of that in this contest, so I won't bother to comment much. I'll pay more attention to what makes it different to other RPGs. Ah, and a beast. They dug too greedily and too deep, and awoke the nameless fear. Then gave it a name, so we can talk about it easier. It sounds bizzare, from the descriptions given of it, but then again, I suppose the survivors weren't thinking too clealry about what it looked like at the time. Sounds a bit like a mask of possibilities gone haywire as well. Maybe I'll have a character investigae this if it wins.You say the RPG will be primarily character-driven, a large part of which is down to the morality meter, but the plot doesn't look too shabby either. When you take the time to read the RPG, there's a lot going on, easily enough to support an RPG even without the MM. It's a rich and developed world compared to most other entries so far. You get lots of points for this in my book.I have to say, I'm a fan of the new bits you brought up in the contest topic. That might be very interesting, and I suspect quite a few people might want to try it out. After all, what is one character slot for 20 NPCs and a greater influence on the game's politics? It's a trade I'd be willing to make, when the character limit is at 5-8. If it were lower, I might have second thoughts, but really, there isn't much holding me back.About the morality meter: you say "most" characters will be starting at 0. Is this code for "all", or would it be possible for a character to have already lost or gained some light in their past?The profiles look fairly standard, apart from the obvious morality-meter and "powerful characters" rules, in terms of description and one-per-player. This I'm not so excited about. While I'm happy for more powerful characters to be more developed, the restriction to one toa-level character is a bit annoying. I can sympathise with trying to decrease the RoTPiC, but placing this type of restriction could end up decreasing the number of characters people actually make, rather than producing lots more Matoran characters. Sure, powerless Matoran are the most common species in the MU, but this shouldn't have to be reflected in the PC ratios. As you said a bit earlier on in the RPG, they are special cases, the more influential, movers-and-shakers types who will have an influence on the world of the game. It makes sense that among this group, the more powerful species would be over-represented. It also makes Skakdi a lot less effective, bucause they need to work together to actually reach their full potential power.Another question is the "how powerful is powerful?" Do you define a powerful character anything above a Matoran or as anything at toa-level or higher? And what about species like Trinuma's or Sidorak's, who are physically very powerful, but lack much magical clout? If this game wins, these things will need to be well defined in order to avoid lots of confusion.

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#6 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Sep 15 2012 - 09:46 AM

The Light meets the DarkBig disaster, yada yada, everyone is forced to live underground and forced to rebuilt civilasation there. It looks like we'll be seeing a lot of that in this contest, so I won't bother to comment much. I'll pay more attention to what makes it different to other RPGs.Ah, and a beast. They dug too greedily and too deep, and awoke the nameless fear. Then gave it a name, so we can talk about it easier. It sounds bizzare, from the descriptions given of it, but then again, I suppose the survivors weren't thinking too clealry about what it looked like at the time. Sounds a bit like a mask of possibilities gone haywire as well. Maybe I'll have a character investigae this if it wins.You say the RPG will be primarily character-driven, a large part of which is down to the morality meter, but the plot doesn't look too shabby either. When you take the time to read the RPG, there's a lot going on, easily enough to support an RPG even without the MM. It's a rich and developed world compared to most other entries so far. You get lots of points for this in my book.I have to say, I'm a fan of the new bits you brought up in the contest topic. That might be very interesting, and I suspect quite a few people might want to try it out. After all, what is one character slot for 20 NPCs and a greater influence on the game's politics? It's a trade I'd be willing to make, when the character limit is at 5-8. If it were lower, I might have second thoughts, but really, there isn't much holding me back.About the morality meter: you say "most" characters will be starting at 0. Is this code for "all", or would it be possible for a character to have already lost or gained some light in their past?The profiles look fairly standard, apart from the obvious morality-meter and "powerful characters" rules, in terms of description and one-per-player. This I'm not so excited about. While I'm happy for more powerful characters to be more developed, the restriction to one toa-level character is a bit annoying. I can sympathise with trying to decrease the RoTPiC, but placing this type of restriction could end up decreasing the number of characters people actually make, rather than producing lots more Matoran characters. Sure, powerless Matoran are the most common species in the MU, but this shouldn't have to be reflected in the PC ratios. As you said a bit earlier on in the RPG, they are special cases, the more influential, movers-and-shakers types who will have an influence on the world of the game. It makes sense that among this group, the more powerful species would be over-represented. It also makes Skakdi a lot less effective, bucause they need to work together to actually reach their full potential power.Another question is the "how powerful is powerful?" Do you define a powerful character anything above a Matoran or as anything at toa-level or higher? And what about species like Trinuma's or Sidorak's, who are physically very powerful, but lack much magical clout? If this game wins, these things will need to be well defined in order to avoid lots of confusion.

I dropped stars and killed three million people. None of you have dropped even one star on somebody. But as I may have said to somebody before - I was playing through Guild Wars:Prophecies, and the giant crystals in Post-Searing inspired me to drop lightstones on people.Yes, I did base this off of the Balrog. And yeah, the Beast is... different. Depending on players actions, you may be able to beat it (canon) or... well. Any number of things could happen. I try to design RPGs that could feasibly be canonical, or at least partially canonical. But it's an alternate universe, so things can go very differently - for the better or for the worse. Theoretically, you could capture the Beast and absorb its powers and knowledge, find the Staff of Artahka, repair the universe, and then seize control of it. Theoretically.I like world-building. The main point is for the characters to develop and shape what's around them, so I want there to be a lot of options for doing that. Going back to the world-building, though, I wanted it to make some sense - obviously, though, not everything needs to. It's a Bionicle RPG - where we're going, we don't need physics. Unless somebody found Protodermis the other day and didn't tell Greg.That's two people, now. Thing is that it might be a bit too much for some people to worry about (managing three characters is easier than two plus twenty). I thought back to Techna for this one, and the Golden Hammer Syndicate. Playing a major criminal organization of only four people (though I gave TD reasons to take control of NPCs in the sequel) was not as entertaining as it could have been. Allowing players that option seemed like something to do.About the morality meter - yes and no. All characters start at 0. However, your actions within the first few posts you make, and how I judge the character itself as the profile, may move it slightly up or slightly down. How you start off can be a big impact. But not enough to advance you a rank either way.I think I may need to change something - you are allowed characters of around, say, the level of a Skakdi's power in unlimited amounts, as long as you make the profile long enough. Or playing Skakdi. But the thing is, I'm trying not to have that many actual Toa running around - thus, only one Toa per character. The fact is, there's only a small number of them left in the Universe. If there's a hundred of them running around down in this cave. Likewise, I'm not going to let you play a Makuta, not only because they're OP but also because there's some 40 of them left alive in the Universe, and only 100 at the start.Besides, the fact is, you don't need elemental powers and the like. Make use of vision powers or Kanohi. Use the weaponry of the Matoran Universe. Go through the canon species without names and pull something out of the hat. Push comes to shove, and you don't feel like any of them, be a bit different. Play a Kestora spy from an alternate dimension who's learning about the Matoran Universe. And when it comes right down to it, the Matoran are there if you want to challenge yourself with a more difficult to play character - it might actually be more rewarding, because it lets you use light or shadow based abilities earlier).About how much is powerful - just use common sense. Obviously no Makuta. If the character can use three elements at the same time, it's overpowered. If it has three heads to use a mask of Speed, Fate, and Possibilities at the same time, it's overpowered. Heck, combining any two of them, overpowered. A character strong enough to bend protosteel - probably not overpowered, but if he's also able to shoot fire from his eyes and lightning from his waste disposal, than that's not happening. Just present your character and I'll say yes or no, and give reasons why.Also, I'll say this - if you make a character who happens to have elemental powers, is pretty good physically, and has a power resembling a Kanohi power, but isn't a Toa. I might approve that. If it all makes sense and you give a good reason, then sure. It'll probably take more writing than a Toa would. But if the powers are important, you can have them.Thanks for the review.-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:

Edited by Toa Levacius Zehvor, Sep 15 2012 - 09:46 AM.

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#7 Offline The Lorax

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Posted Sep 15 2012 - 04:33 PM

I dropped stars and killed three million people. None of you have dropped even one star on somebody. But as I may have said to somebody before - I was playing through Guild Wars:Prophecies, and the giant crystals in Post-Searing inspired me to drop lightstones on people.

Yes, very impressive. You disaster is on a grander scale than most, but for the purposes if the game it amount to the same thing - everyone is stuck on the ground and won't be going back any time soon.

Yes, I did base this off of the Balrog. And yeah, the Beast is... different. Depending on players actions, you may be able to beat it (canon) or... well. Any number of things could happen. I try to design RPGs that could feasibly be canonical, or at least partially canonical. But it's an alternate universe, so things can go very differently - for the better or for the worse. Theoretically, you could capture the Beast and absorb its powers and knowledge, find the Staff of Artahka, repair the universe, and then seize control of it. Theoretically.

Theoretically, siezing control of the universe would involve going above ground. in order to conquer said universe, would it not? But yes, I see your point. we don't know how things will turn out because we haven't played the game yet and influenced events.

About the morality meter - yes and no. All characters start at 0. However, your actions within the first few posts you make, and how I judge the character itself as the profile, may move it slightly up or slightly down. How you start off can be a big impact. But not enough to advance you a rank either way.

Allright, that clarifies things, but another question if I may: How much good/evil does it take to move a character either way? I'll use your example of burning down a building filled with people. Would such an act move a character down a level, or half a level, or would that take 6 buildings? Hmm, maybe I should have a character in the fire brigade once people start testing this sort of stuff.

I think I may need to change something - you are allowed characters of around, say, the level of a Skakdi's power in unlimited amounts, as long as you make the profile long enough. Or playing Skakdi. But the thing is, I'm trying not to have that many actual Toa running around - thus, only one Toa per character. The fact is, there's only a small number of them left in the Universe. If there's a hundred of them running around down in this cave. Likewise, I'm not going to let you play a Makuta, not only because they're OP but also because there's some 40 of them left alive in the Universe, and only 100 at the start.

:happydance: ! Great. So what you're saying is, power isn't really the issue here, so much as what is realistic in terms of what species are present. Toa are rare, so they're restricted. Zyglak hate the universe and everything in it, so you won't find many living happily as citizens in Metru-Sumonu. Matoran are ubiquitous, so they are encouraged as characters.

Besides, the fact is, you don't need elemental powers and the like. Make use of vision powers or Kanohi. Use the weaponry of the Matoran Universe. Go through the canon species without names and pull something out of the hat. Push comes to shove, and you don't feel like any of them, be a bit different. Play a Kestora spy from an alternate dimension who's learning about the Matoran Universe. And when it comes right down to it, the Matoran are there if you want to challenge yourself with a more difficult to play character - it might actually be more rewarding, because it lets you use light or shadow based abilities earlier).

Again, I like this a lot better than the previous version. I was thinking about making a character fo Tobduk's species, but I was worried that it might be counted as powerful and therefore kill by ability to play as a toa. This is something I'm encouraging in my entry as well. At one stage i thought of setting it on Tobduk's island, but then changed it. It still kept a bit of the emphasis on foreign species, though, like his, Trinuma's and Hydraxon's.

About how much is powerful - just use common sense. Obviously no Makuta. If the character can use three elements at the same time, it's overpowered. If it has three heads to use a mask of Speed, Fate, and Possibilities at the same time, it's overpowered. Heck, combining any two of them, overpowered. A character strong enough to bend protosteel - probably not overpowered, but if he's also able to shoot fire from his eyes and lightning from his waste disposal, than that's not happening. Just present your character and I'll say yes or no, and give reasons why.Also, I'll say this - if you make a character who happens to have elemental powers, is pretty good physically, and has a power resembling a Kanohi power, but isn't a Toa. I might approve that. If it all makes sense and you give a good reason, then sure. It'll probably take more writing than a Toa would. But if the powers are important, you can have them.

This question doesn't matter so much now that the "one powerful character" has moved to "be sensible about species ratios", but it's still a very good description.

Thanks for the review.

You're most welcome. good luck in the contest.Now, onto another review, this time of Plunged into Shadow.The first thing I notice about this RPG is the time and setting - a happy, prosperous Spherus Magna. As I read the rest of the RPG, however, I began to doubt this. Where are the Glatorian and Agori? They aren't mentioned even once. Have they all been killed by something? Really, if you removed the references to Onua Nuva, this game could just as easily have been set anywhere in the MU. To put it another way, the game doesn't really integrate well with the setting. It feels more like you designed the game and then wondered about where and when to set it, rather than having the two influence, balance and enrich each other.The plot is fairly simple - find out what closed the gate and then get out, or discover what the reptiles are and why they are attacking. I'm guessing that the two are connected somehow. It works well though I have to wonder what is stopping the Knights of Atero from leading everyone in the city against the Fanatics until they reach the gates. Surely one faction of devoted racists can't stand up to everybody else, so once they are driven off, you get your pakari users and everybody else to haul on the gates and get free. Problem solved.The locations are OK, though there's something gone wrong with the nubering. Everything is 1. It would be good to throw in a few more details about the city here, like whether everyone is living in MNOG-style Onu-Matoran huts or in fully-automated golden mansions or somewhere inbetween.The factions section is short and sweet, and it does the job well. Thee isn't much need for heavy descriptions here, becuase we are already familiar with the type of groups you're talking about. If I were writing this section, I would end up waffling on and on about mostly irrelevant things, but you've done a good job of putting things clealry but concisely.The profiles and NPCs look pretty standard, so I won't comment on them, and end the review here.Good luck in the contest.

Edited by The Lorax, Sep 15 2012 - 04:34 PM.

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#8 Online Zakaro

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Posted Sep 15 2012 - 05:16 PM

Now, onto another review, this time of Plunged into Shadow.The first thing I notice about this RPG is the time and setting - a happy, prosperous Spherus Magna. As I read the rest of the RPG, however, I began to doubt this. Where are the Glatorian and Agori? They aren't mentioned even once. Have they all been killed by something? Really, if you removed the references to Onua Nuva, this game could just as easily have been set anywhere in the MU. To put it another way, the game doesn't really integrate well with the setting. It feels more like you designed the game and then wondered about where and when to set it, rather than having the two influence, balance and enrich each other.The plot is fairly simple - find out what closed the gate and then get out, or discover what the reptiles are and why they are attacking. I'm guessing that the two are connected somehow. It works well though I have to wonder what is stopping the Knights of Atero from leading everyone in the city against the Fanatics until they reach the gates. Surely one faction of devoted racists can't stand up to everybody else, so once they are driven off, you get your pakari users and everybody else to haul on the gates and get free. Problem solved.The locations are OK, though there's something gone wrong with the nubering. Everything is 1. It would be good to throw in a few more details about the city here, like whether everyone is living in MNOG-style Onu-Matoran huts or in fully-automated golden mansions or somewhere inbetween.The factions section is short and sweet, and it does the job well. Thee isn't much need for heavy descriptions here, becuase we are already familiar with the type of groups you're talking about. If I were writing this section, I would end up waffling on and on about mostly irrelevant things, but you've done a good job of putting things clealry but concisely.The profiles and NPCs look pretty standard, so I won't comment on them, and end the review here.Good luck in the contest.

Whelp. You're quite right, I did completely forget about the Glatorian and Agori. That is one major flaw. :P I'll go ahead and fix that. As for why the Knights don't do that... well, there really wasn't a reason before, but I'm giving the Fanatics a Skrall army to give a better reason. :PAs for the numbering, I'm not sure why that happened, but it probably had something to do with being transferred from Word.Thanks for the review!Zakaro

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#9 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Sep 15 2012 - 06:29 PM

Yes, very impressive. You disaster is on a grander scale than most, but for the purposes if the game it amount to the same thing - everyone is stuck on the ground and won't be going back any time soon.

Better not.

Theoretically, siezing control of the universe would involve going above ground. in order to conquer said universe, would it not? But yes, I see your point. we don't know how things will turn out because we haven't played the game yet and influenced events.

No, not really.

Allright, that clarifies things, but another question if I may: How much good/evil does it take to move a character either way? I'll use your example of burning down a building filled with people. Would such an act move a character down a level, or half a level, or would that take 6 buildings? Hmm, maybe I should have a character in the fire brigade once people start testing this sort of stuff.

No, that won't move you a level, or even half a level. Burning down six buildings full of people might do it, but well... that's pretty hard to get away with. The goal is to be evil and survive, not be evil and get busted by like a thousand police officers.

:happydance: ! Great. So what you're saying is, power isn't really the issue here, so much as what is realistic in terms of what species are present. Toa are rare, so they're restricted. Zyglak hate the universe and everything in it, so you won't find many living happily as citizens in Metru-Sumonu. Matoran are ubiquitous, so they are encouraged as characters.

Of course - though, of course, OPness I will not allow. If you have some twenty powers, not happening.

Again, I like this a lot better than the previous version. I was thinking about making a character fo Tobduk's species, but I was worried that it might be counted as powerful and therefore kill by ability to play as a toa. This is something I'm encouraging in my entry as well. At one stage i thought of setting it on Tobduk's island, but then changed it. It still kept a bit of the emphasis on foreign species, though, like his, Trinuma's and Hydraxon's.

Fleshing out a little known species might be good to do. With Tobduk's, that wouldn't be a problem. Thing is, no matter how tough you are, somebody with powers is able to take you on. Tridax could have grabbed Tobduk with a shadow hand and absorbed him if he had wanted to. He could have disintegrated him, blown him up, or blasted him with shadow. He didn't because he didn't consider him a threat.Makuta can be arrogant.

This question doesn't matter so much now that the "one powerful character" has moved to "be sensible about species ratios", but it's still a very good description.

K.(is the 11th letter)

You're most welcome. good luck in the contest.

U2 (was a band).-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:

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