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Nightmare


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#1 Offline Peach 00

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Posted Oct 15 2011 - 12:55 PM

This is my first story that I'm going to be re-posting, just so that way I'm getting things started again. The people who viewed this on the old forums should know this story already. Plus, I must add that this is UNEDITED. In other words, none of the original spelling errors have been changed, so if anybody spots those, let me know. Enjoy. :)

Nightmare The volcano rumbled violently as Tahu made his way up the steep cliff, nearly stumbling or falling over as the earthquake-like feeling made the ground quiver harder and harder as though it was going to crack. He edged his way across the area, trying to still maintain his balance as he gripped his swords. Though he may not have wanted to go to Voya-Nui to investigate and explore the area, he knew it was his ultimate duty if he were to survive or die in the process of searching the supposed-to-be forbidden island. Six of the Matoran on the island have said that there have been strange beings on the island, and some of the Matoran that used to be seen normally and regularly on the island had mysteriously disappeared. The remaining six Matoran had been trying to survive for their lives. Balta had been the Ta-Matoran. He had seemed to spend some time talking to the others, but then sometimes would disappear to try and make new weapons for the five others. Being an engineer like the Po-Matoran on the Resistance Team, Balta was one of the more useful Matoran to them all. In all, he seemed to be a good friend. Velika, the second engineer on the team and a great friend of Balta, he was also of significance, doing the same job Balta had: creating weapons for them. He had been friendly, open and welcoming and light-hearted even in the light of the strange disappearances that happened to other Matoran that once had been seen on Voya-Nui. He seemed to be more useful than he looked in appearance. Piruk was a scavenger, also a definite spy as a help to the six of them. He had been devious, even for a Le-Matoran, and also somewhat of a strategist like their Onu-Matoran leader. He didn't seem very smart, clever or intelligent when you would first see his appearance, but then you'd find you'd be terribly wrong. Piruk is definitely one of the cleverest Matoran on the Resistance Team, if not the cleverest as their spy. One of the other Matoran was Dalu, the Ga-Matoran on their team. She herself wasn't seen very often, but she was always around when meetings were said to be done at a certain date. Dalu would talk very often, nearly recalled to be a chatterbox sometimes. Though even because of this, she was still clever like her Le-Matoran comrade, also a very close friend of Balta's. The Ko-Matoran, Kazi, was a gazer, always trying to think of the future. As most Ko-Matoran usually are, he didn't talk much, not unless it was a rather interesting and great suggestion. He always would sit in his hut doing things with his telescope, writing things down in his journal, gazing up at the stars at interest. Kazi always seemed interested in the night sky for some reason, and it was something rather unknown to his colleagues. Last but not least, the leader of the Resistance Team, Garan. Though his size cannot compare to his ideas and strategies. He was the strategist on the team; including being the squad leader when exploring parts of the village with his five other comrades who would bravely join him in search for the villagers that once were seen on the island. While Tahu was reflecting on his meeting with the Resistance Team, he had then shook his head to realize the quivering of the ground had stopped, when he started to climb up the cliff once more. What had he been looking for? His foes, wherever they may be. Now that he thought of his mission on Voya-Nui, he thought of Gali, who he had wanted to spend time on Mata-Nui with if the mission hadn't been started. As stubborn as she was about loving Tahu, she couldn't stay this way forever, he knew. And trying to change her mind was impossible, unless he did something rather startling to excite her. Which, of course, she would never be impressed about anything he did. After all, he was a little bit of a hot-head when it came to his temper and power over fire, which made Gali dislike him it seemed. Don't be so pessimistic, Tahu thought mortifyingly to himself, angrily gnawing at his mind to get rid of this odd and reluctant topic that made him seem less-concentrated on his mission that needed the most amount of significant attention. Why do I think like this when I'm on a mission? Is it because she's not around? Because I love her too much that I can't stop thinking about her every minute of the day and that she already knows and doesn't care? Because I try to continue and annoy her to sweep her off her feet? Tahu had remembered that the rest of the Toa Nuva were on the island, but then ignored that fact. Seconds later he heard strange noises. Thump. Thump. Thump. It sounded faintly, but he could hear it from a distance. It grew louder every second, increasing and the noise multiplying. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. As usual, it just increased, until an unexpected shake occurred at that moment. Tahu stumbled; fumbling to grip his swords as he nearly fell from his position. Trying to maintain his balance, Tahu tried to lean forward with all his might. With no hesitation, he then engaged the power of his Hau Nuva, when the rumbling of the ground was blocked finally, and gladly he sighed. Though he wasn't sure when he had to deactivate it. He simply turned off the power a minute or so later, when he realized the tremor had disappeared so suddenly. Bang! It sounded unexpectedly, blowing him back as he heard it. Tahu braced himself for the impact on the sloped rock cliff he'd feel when he'd hit the hard cold rock at a fast speed. The blast hit the area in the blink of an eye. What could it have been? It had seemed odd that no flames or anything had ignited when it happened, let alone the fact that he never saw anyone nearby. Perhaps it had something to do with the sounds he heard earlier. When Tahu had went to use his mask power before he hit the ground, he had seen a shadowed figure at the top of the cliff, red armor glistening in the light of the blazing golden sun that started to lower further on the horizon, the deadly blood-red sky adding to the effect. Tahu couldn't help but think what or who this was that stood there, holding a rather peculiar weapon in his hand. Though Tahu couldn't see it clearly, as his vision was blurry and he felt dizzy, having a terrible headache as he went to rise from the ground, even if he had been shielded from the impact. Something is oddly and awkwardly peculiar 'bout this guy, he thought suspiciously, then trying to run backward down the cliff in the middle of his dizziness, which wasn't the best of ideas. Bang! The sound made the ground shake once more, and with that Tahu was sent reeling down the sloped cliff. Dizziness struck him down again, making him confused and drowsy, weak and powerless, being thoroughly unable to use his mask power whatsoever. He tried to lift his head, but his head felt like it was clogged. Tahu couldn't lift his head, or his body for that matter. Blood trickled down his mask as he felt as though his mask was dented. It was unbearable, perhaps that he would die at this certain time. He breathed raggedly, his breathing increasing at a faster pace. The figure seemed to walk downward with ease, faster and faster the being's pace went. "Crushed, are you, Toa? What is your business here, weakling?" The words Tahu heard were faint, but he could hear them. Tahu was soon to die, it seemed obvious enough. As the being raised their weapon high in the air, Tahu closed his eyes as he awaited death that'd soon come to him. The weapon clashed with Tahu. The cold metal hit him, cutting through his flesh. Blood had seemed to splatter everywhere, and seconds later, Tahu's life faded. *** "Sir...?" The voice was heard, faint as it sounded and somewhat echoed to him. What had happened? It was confusion, as he was deeply perplexed in the situation. The voice had seemed to grow louder as it was repeated, and while this was, he tried to open his eyes. Drowsiness still overwhelmed him in his state, though he knew he was awake. Somehow... "Sir, wake up. You fell asleep," the voice repeated. "Now, how'd that happen...?" another voice chimed in, soft and questioning. "Eh, no big problem, really." once again another voice came, recognizable but vague in his groggy state. "It isn't too serious you mean? It's sort of odd how it happened so quickly, at first he looked like he was daydreaming then he just fell asleep," said a gentle and warm being, female. Instantly he realized it for some reason. Tahu snapped out of it, opening his eyes widely to see four figures above him, one of them Garan, the next Dalu, Pohatu and Gali. Her eyes glowed against the soft lightstone light to the Toa of Fire. He then went to try and rise, finding himself a little dizzy. Tahu tried to maintain his balance a little, when everyone backed away. Smiling, he then said with an optimistic tone, "I'm perfectly fine; just a nightmare that I had." Tahu had went to walk towards the long table in the middle of the large hut, putting his arm around Gali, who tried to shrug it off but then didn't bother. To Tahu, he was absolutely fine next to Gali. ***


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On the day the wall came down / They threw the locks onto the ground
And with glasses high / We raised a cry / For freedom had arrived
 
On the day the wall came down / The ship of fools had finally run aground
Promises lit up the night / Like paper doves in flight
 
I dreamed you had left my side / No warmth, not even pride remained
And even though you needed me / It was clear that I could not do a thing for you
 
Now life devalues day by day / As friends and neighbors turn away
And there's a change that even with regret / Cannot be undone
 
Now frontiers shift like desert sands / While nations wash their bloodied hands
Of loyalty, of history / In shades of grey
 
I woke to the sound of drums / The music played, the morning sun streamed in
I turned and I looked at you / And all but the bitter residues slipped away
 
slipped away...
 




#2 Offline Grant-Sud

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Posted Oct 15 2011 - 11:33 PM

lol I remember this! Nice to refreshen it though. As always, you have amazing detail with the settings and the little character development that you placed in the story. I loved the enemy hunting Tahu down, you gave him just enough detail, but none at all, which really is how bad guys are in nightmares... Only thing I didn't enjoy was how you took each of the Matoran from the Resistance Team and gave a short summary of them. It wasn't bad at all! Just I'm not sure why you wanted to. xP Granted, this was written a while back, so I'm just nit picking. ^^
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#3 Offline Peach 00

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Posted Oct 16 2011 - 06:38 AM

It is, isn't it? ^^ And, me too; I was trying to make it out to be either Hakann or Avak, but I think it was closer to Hakann as the bad guy in the nightmare. Also, yeah, I did that because I was just writing it out so Tahu was just thinking to himself in an almost grumbling mannerism. And 'cause it would show my view of them. xD Thanks for the review, Grant, and hope you'll keep on reviewing. I'm going to try to repost at least another story today, maybe Mistletoe and Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain. Either way, thanks. :)
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On the day the wall came down / They threw the locks onto the ground
And with glasses high / We raised a cry / For freedom had arrived
 
On the day the wall came down / The ship of fools had finally run aground
Promises lit up the night / Like paper doves in flight
 
I dreamed you had left my side / No warmth, not even pride remained
And even though you needed me / It was clear that I could not do a thing for you
 
Now life devalues day by day / As friends and neighbors turn away
And there's a change that even with regret / Cannot be undone
 
Now frontiers shift like desert sands / While nations wash their bloodied hands
Of loyalty, of history / In shades of grey
 
I woke to the sound of drums / The music played, the morning sun streamed in
I turned and I looked at you / And all but the bitter residues slipped away
 
slipped away...
 




#4 Offline Engineer Alexandra Humva

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Posted Dec 26 2011 - 11:08 AM

Well, time to get to work reviewing your stories. I'll endeavor to make my reviews long enough and constructive enough to actually do some good.So, plot. The title spoils the altered reality aspects of the story, but that isn't too much of a disadvantage. The opening paragraphs work rather well to establish the scene and setting, so I give you points to that. Then we have the character explanation; simply my opinion here, they're fluff. It's only once we get to Gali that we get some insight into Tahu's feelings for the characters; the six Matoran's personalities being listed adds nothing to the character development, and IMO serves to pad out the story. That being said the summaries are well written, but for me it broke the pace of the story, making me read a good six paragraphs that added nothing to the overall story. If you ignore that, though, the rest of the nightmare works rather well. The enemy is a mystery and makes it feel all the stranger. The conclusion works, though I feel it doesn't flow quite as smoothly as it could.I didn't notice any grammar errors, and the writing is fairly smooth throughout all the story. If the summaries on the Matoran weren't present, I'd say this was great. With the summaries, it's pretty good. Ignoring them the story flows smoothly until the end, which feels like a sort of hiccup in the flow but is nothing serious. So good job on this; it could definitely be better, but it's still good nonetheless.
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"In short, my English Lit friend, living in a mental world of absolute rights and wrongs, may be imagining that because all theories are wrong, the earth may be thought spherical now, but cubical next century, and a hollow icosahedron the next, and a doughnut shape the one after." -Isaac Asimov, responding to a letter he had received saying that scientific certainty was false, The Relativity of Wrong





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