Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. The process is easy and you can use your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account to make it even faster. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies and play member and staff-run games
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes, and vote to decide the winners
  • Participate in raffles, including exclusive raffles for new members, and win free LEGO sets
  • Send private messages to other members
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!


Photo

Marked - Review Topic

COT Epic Marked

  • Please log in to reply
57 replies to this topic

#41 Offline slawth

slawth
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 7,540 posts
  •  

Posted Feb 03 2013 - 04:32 AM

[color=#4b0082;]There are a lot of buildings taller than the Empire State Building, it's just famous because of King Kong (and other appearances in films).Thanks, I was going for something between that and the Sanctuary from Skulduggery Pleasant.Destiny is on the Marked's side.Unfortunately, no one else is.I'll edit that when I can. :PReferring to the vision at the end, which I was worried some might find too convenient.Wotz, there are buildings that big that no one cares about. Someday there will be a skyscraper in London, and no one will care.[/color]- Vorex
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#42 Offline slawth

slawth
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 7,540 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 21 2013 - 04:56 AM

[color=#4b0082;]I can double-post here, right? That's a rule, isn't it?[/color]

[color=#4b0082;]I think it is...[/color]

[color=#4b0082;]But, anyway, first off: an apology. I'm sorry there have been month-long gaps between chapters and I'd like to say it won't happen again, but that would be lying and y'all deserve better.[/color]

[color=#4b0082;]On another note, [/color][color=#4b0082;]new chapter[/color][color=#4b0082;]. Be happy. That's an eighth chapter. Lovely.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]And then, in order to apologise yet more, [/color][color=#4b0082;]a preview[/color][color=#4b0082;] of something I'm working on that might never become a reality, but still.[/color]

 

- [color=#4b0082;]Indigo[/color] Individual


  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#43 Offline Fairy Knight

Fairy Knight
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,021 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Apr 21 2013 - 05:11 AM

Ah, I missed out on posting something regarding chapter 7 D: Sorry.

 

Anyways, good to know you're still updating this every now and then.

 

Story-wise, both 7 and 8 have been good chapters. ^^ It's interesting to see the characters in interatction, and that's a good thing because your story is character-driven :3


  • 0

screenshot_53.jpg

Sometimes appearanes change, but the heart behind them stays the same...


#44 Offline slawth

slawth
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 7,540 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 21 2013 - 05:36 AM

It's 'kay. :)The gaps are twice as long because the chapters are four times as long. :PI'm glad, and Marked is definitely character-driven.- Indigo Individual
  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#45 Offline Scratch

Scratch
  • Members
  • Turaga

  • 63 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 11 2013 - 05:33 PM

Excellent chapter!

 

Bit 1: Loving the view Alex has on his powers. Hopefully it'll make for some interesting dilemmas in the future?

 

Bit 2: Annnnnnddddd... EERIE VISION TIME! Loving the spooky and mysterious nature of this vision. And does that C mean what I think it does?

 

Bit 3: Enter Thompson! Now, I like this character! His motives are unknown (maybe...), and he's clever enough to evade Crux.

 

Bit 4: Well, Crux doesn't seem too happy, does he? Wonder why...

 

Bit 5: Well Thompson sure is eager to find more Marked. More eager than the Marked themselves, in fact...

 

Bit 6: About time you had her find others!

 

Great chapter! Awaiting the next one!

 

-Scratch


  • 0

Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...


#46 Offline slawth

slawth
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 7,540 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 12 2013 - 12:32 AM

Excellent chapter! Bit 1: Loving the view Alex has on his powers. Hopefully it'll make for some interesting dilemmas in the future? Bit 2: Annnnnnddddd... EERIE VISION TIME! Loving the spooky and mysterious nature of this vision. And does that C mean what I think it does? Bit 3: Enter Thompson! Now, I like this character! His motives are unknown (maybe...), and he's clever enough to evade Crux. Bit 4: Well, Crux doesn't seem too happy, does he? Wonder why... Bit 5: Well Thompson sure is eager to find more Marked. More eager than the Marked themselves, in fact... Bit 6: About time you had her find others! Great chapter! Awaiting the next one! -Scratch

1: It will, don't worry.2: I guess you'll have to...*sunglasses*wait and CYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH3: It's not often you come across a character able to get past Crux. :P4: You'll learn... :evilgrin:5: Thompson has his motivation.6: I know, it's taken a while. :PHopefully it'll be up sooner rather than later, with my exams finishing up soon. :)- Indecisive Individual

  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#47 Offline Alex Turner

Alex Turner
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Gahlok-Kal Crushed

  • 4,600 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 14 2013 - 03:20 PM

ohai

 

Bit 1: I'm seeing some elements of yourself in Alex here, I likey. Also, Stephen reminds me somewhat of Proditor. Not sure whether that's good or bad.

 

Bit 2: *gasp* it's the drawing you showed me! Freaky.

 

Bit 3: Please tell me Thompson has a brother called Thomson.

 

Bit 4: Crux deeming blood precious seems like it's hinting at something but my inattentive self has not picked it up.

 

Bit 5: Thompson's a bit of a scary guy, I think. Scarier than Crux.

 

Bit 6: I can't put my finger on why, but I really like the way this whole section played out. It felt very natural and human, like a reminder that this is set in the real world. I mean, I'm no expert on girls, but I have a feeling they behaved pretty accurately.

 

This is it,[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;] Eve thought. [/color]Things are moving at last.

My thoughts exactly :P

 

Also, there are a few typos and formatting errors throughout, but I really couldn't be bothered with all the faff of making quote boxes and such so you can find them yourself if you like.

 

But yeah, this chapter was keeping with the same great standard set by Chapter 8, and improving on it in fact. It made me a lot more motivated to keep reading that some of the other chapters. Great job :)


  • 0

Arctic-Monkeys-Blog-Banner.jpg

But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#48 Offline slawth

slawth
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 7,540 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 14 2013 - 03:45 PM

ohai

 

Bit 1: I'm seeing some elements of yourself in Alex here, I likey. Also, Stephen reminds me somewhat of Proditor. Not sure whether that's good or bad.

 

Bit 2: *gasp* it's the drawing you showed me! Freaky.

 

Bit 3: Please tell me Thompson has a brother called Thomson.

 

Bit 4: Crux deeming blood precious seems like it's hinting at something but my inattentive self has not picked it up.

 

Bit 5: Thompson's a bit of a scary guy, I think. Scarier than Crux.

 

Bit 6: I can't put my finger on why, but I really like the way this whole section played out. It felt very natural and human, like a reminder that this is set in the real world. I mean, I'm no expert on girls, but I have a feeling they behaved pretty accurately.

 

This is it,[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;] Eve thought. [/color]Things are moving at last.

My thoughts exactly :P

 

Also, there are a few typos and formatting errors throughout, but I really couldn't be bothered with all the faff of making quote boxes and such so you can find them yourself if you like.

 

But yeah, this chapter was keeping with the same great standard set by Chapter 8, and improving on it in fact. It made me a lot more motivated to keep reading that some of the other chapters. Great job :)

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 1: There may be some similarities, mostly because I'm the one writing him. :P[/color]

[color=#4b0082;]Also, I'm not sure if Stephen being similar to Proditor is a good thing.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 2: I know, right?[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 3: No.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 4: You'll figure it out, I think.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 5: I'm glad that the antagonists are improving as each is revealed. :lol:[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 6: Thanks, Wotz. I was aiming for making it 'human'. :)[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Might be another case of it being just the way I've worded/spelt it, because I know that that's been a thing in the past and I haven't seen any on any of my multiple checks on grammar and spelling throughout it.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]I'm glad I've met and exceeded expectations and actually motivated you to read this. :P[/color]

 

- [color=#4b0082;]Indecisive[/color] Individual


  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#49 Offline Al the Chicken Man

Al the Chicken Man
  • Members
  • Anger Pacified

  • 6,579 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 18 2013 - 07:37 PM

Alright, in return for your review, I'm obliged to review your first chapter ^^Okay, so Damian. Did it ever establish why he was rich? I understand that he was a throwaway character meant to die all along, but I would've really felt that death had he been better established. And the other two characters I would've loved to see expanded on to set the stage.But other than that, it was a great beginning, and I think I'll keep reading!
  • 0

BZPRPG Profiles

IC:
 
"It comes with the job," Halfimus explained, "I'm not paid enough to give anything outside quick flavour descriptions."
 
So pay me more AuRon.


#50 Offline slawth

slawth
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 7,540 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 20 2013 - 04:00 PM

Alright, in return for your review, I'm obliged to review your first chapter ^^Okay, so Damian. Did it ever establish why he was rich? I understand that he was a throwaway character meant to die all along, but I would've really felt that death had he been better established. And the other two characters I would've loved to see expanded on to set the stage.But other than that, it was a great beginning, and I think I'll keep reading!

[color=#4b0082;]Well, I hope you enjoyed reading it despite that obligation. :P[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]I don't believe it was established in the prologue, but he does get referenced more than once later and it gets explained then. As for the other two characters -- one is fairly important and might get some explanation, the other was just a bodyguard to Damian.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Wonderful, glad to have another reader. :D[/color]

 

-[color=#4b0082;] Indecisive [/color]Individual


  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#51 Offline Fairy Knight

Fairy Knight
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,021 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Jun 24 2013 - 01:31 PM

(finally got around reading the chapter ^^") And I have to say, the last sentence sums it up quite well, things are moving now. I also get the impression that you've really found your tone of narrative now.  :)

 

What I particularly enjoy about the story is the use of modern technology; smartphones, social media, that sutff. It works, and also adds a certain realism to the whole thing.

 

Plot-wise, I'm curious to see how that thing with Thompson's going to turn out. ^^


  • 0

screenshot_53.jpg

Sometimes appearanes change, but the heart behind them stays the same...


#52 Offline slawth

slawth
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 7,540 posts
  •  

Posted Jun 24 2013 - 03:08 PM

(finally got around reading the chapter ^^") And I have to say, the last sentence sums it up quite well, things are moving now. I also get the impression that you've really found your tone of narrative now.  :) What I particularly enjoy about the story is the use of modern technology; smartphones, social media, that sutff. It works, and also adds a certain realism to the whole thing. Plot-wise, I'm curious to see how that thing with Thompson's going to turn out. ^^

Thank you. I feel I've really settled into Marked, with the longer chapters expressing this.Thank you, that's what I was going for with the use of it. :)Thompson is going to get his fair share of plot, don't worry. ;)- Indecisive Individual

  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#53 Offline Alex Turner

Alex Turner
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Gahlok-Kal Crushed

  • 4,600 posts
  •  

Posted Aug 17 2013 - 06:09 AM

Thompson has a beard

 

The whole Liam catch-up thing reminds me of LOST. As does like, everything else in life ;_;

 

Ermahgerd a character in fiction wearing the same clothes all the time is actually explained. I grant you one pat on the back, my good sir.

 

Why was Johnson so shocked at Necromancy being found in Ireland?


  • 0

Arctic-Monkeys-Blog-Banner.jpg

But that place on memory lane you liked still looks the same / But something 'bout it's changed


#54 Offline Scratch

Scratch
  • Members
  • Turaga

  • 63 posts
  •  

Posted Nov 01 2013 - 01:57 AM

...And it was said that Chapter 11 was to fall into the void, never to be seen again... Until Vorex posts it back up.


  • 0

Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...


#55 Offline slawth

slawth
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 7,540 posts
  •  

Posted Nov 01 2013 - 07:04 AM

...And it was said that Chapter 11 was to fall into the void, never to be seen again... Until Vorex posts it back up.

And now everyone gets to wait an unreasonable amount of time for it all over again! :D- Whatever I'm Called Now

  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all


#56 Offline Scratch

Scratch
  • Members
  • Turaga

  • 63 posts
  •  

Posted Nov 05 2013 - 06:22 PM

...You cruel, cruel paradox-eater...


  • 0

Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...


#57 Offline Fairy Knight

Fairy Knight
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,021 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Nov 21 2013 - 04:06 AM

That mysterious character/creature from the vision looks promising, really promising. As does the whole chapter. :3

 

 

[color=#ffffff;]--[/color][font="helvetica, sans-serif;"]“Surprisingly, no. Apparently he had a go at Alex, though, according to his abridged (if dramatised) version of his magnificent rescue, in which he telekinetically threw Thompson into a wall and gave him a concussion.”[/font]

What I'm not so sure about is the use of brackets in direct speech. In written text it works, but how exactly do you pronounce brackets? Maybe using - would have been a bit better, I don't know...


  • 0

screenshot_53.jpg

Sometimes appearanes change, but the heart behind them stays the same...


#58 Offline slawth

slawth
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Return to Metru Nui

  • 7,540 posts
  •  

Posted Nov 21 2013 - 06:11 PM

That mysterious character/creature from the vision looks promising, really promising. As does the whole chapter. :3 

 [color=#ffffff;]--[/color][font="helvetica;"]Surprisingly, no. Apparently he had a go at Alex, though, according to his abridged (if dramatised) version of his magnificent rescue, in which he telekinetically threw Thompson into a wall and gave him a concussion.[/font]

What I'm not so sure about is the use of brackets in direct speech. In written text it works, but how exactly do you pronounce brackets? Maybe using - would have been a bit better, I don't know...
[color=#000080;]D'awww, thank you. c:It's difficult to explain. You see, Stephen stands apart from the other characters in that he is loosely based on a real person, and I swear that he can use parentheses in speech somehow. I don't get it either, but he makes it work.Also, it's a call-out to Stephen's narration, which includes heavy use of brackets. I thought it would be fun to let that seep into dialogue. :P[/color]- [color=#000080;]Indigo[/color] Individual

Edited by ~Tom Milsom~, Nov 21 2013 - 06:12 PM.

  • 0

Someday, you're going to need help. Someday, you're going to turn to me, because there's no one else left. And when you do, I will say 'no'. I will look you dead in the eyes and I will say no, because you let her die, David. 

marked.png

"There's a new world on the way."

 

Marked: Chapter 12 Coming Soon

Review Topic

 

slothy slothy slothpants

bzprpg 2013 y'all





0 user(s) are browsing this forum

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users