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Marked - Review Topic

COT Epic Marked

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57 replies to this topic

#41 Offline Goose

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Posted Feb 03 2013 - 04:32 AM

[color=#4b0082;]There are a lot of buildings taller than the Empire State Building, it's just famous because of King Kong (and other appearances in films).Thanks, I was going for something between that and the Sanctuary from Skulduggery Pleasant.Destiny is on the Marked's side.Unfortunately, no one else is.I'll edit that when I can. :PReferring to the vision at the end, which I was worried some might find too convenient.Wotz, there are buildings that big that no one cares about. Someday there will be a skyscraper in London, and no one will care.[/color]- Vorex
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#42 Offline Goose

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Posted Apr 21 2013 - 04:56 AM

[color=#4b0082;]I can double-post here, right? That's a rule, isn't it?[/color]

[color=#4b0082;]I think it is...[/color]

[color=#4b0082;]But, anyway, first off: an apology. I'm sorry there have been month-long gaps between chapters and I'd like to say it won't happen again, but that would be lying and y'all deserve better.[/color]

[color=#4b0082;]On another note, [/color][color=#4b0082;]new chapter[/color][color=#4b0082;]. Be happy. That's an eighth chapter. Lovely.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]And then, in order to apologise yet more, [/color][color=#4b0082;]a preview[/color][color=#4b0082;] of something I'm working on that might never become a reality, but still.[/color]

 

- [color=#4b0082;]Indigo[/color] Individual


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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#43 Offline Taka Nuvia

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Posted Apr 21 2013 - 05:11 AM

Ah, I missed out on posting something regarding chapter 7 D: Sorry.

 

Anyways, good to know you're still updating this every now and then.

 

Story-wise, both 7 and 8 have been good chapters. ^^ It's interesting to see the characters in interatction, and that's a good thing because your story is character-driven :3


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18_yaargh.jpg

"And this is why you should always have your plot ready in advance"


#44 Offline Goose

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Posted Apr 21 2013 - 05:36 AM

It's 'kay. :)The gaps are twice as long because the chapters are four times as long. :PI'm glad, and Marked is definitely character-driven.- Indigo Individual
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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#45 Offline Eredar

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Posted Jun 11 2013 - 05:33 PM

Excellent chapter!

 

Bit 1: Loving the view Alex has on his powers. Hopefully it'll make for some interesting dilemmas in the future?

 

Bit 2: Annnnnnddddd... EERIE VISION TIME! Loving the spooky and mysterious nature of this vision. And does that C mean what I think it does?

 

Bit 3: Enter Thompson! Now, I like this character! His motives are unknown (maybe...), and he's clever enough to evade Crux.

 

Bit 4: Well, Crux doesn't seem too happy, does he? Wonder why...

 

Bit 5: Well Thompson sure is eager to find more Marked. More eager than the Marked themselves, in fact...

 

Bit 6: About time you had her find others!

 

Great chapter! Awaiting the next one!

 

-Scratch


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Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...


#46 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 12 2013 - 12:32 AM

Excellent chapter! Bit 1: Loving the view Alex has on his powers. Hopefully it'll make for some interesting dilemmas in the future? Bit 2: Annnnnnddddd... EERIE VISION TIME! Loving the spooky and mysterious nature of this vision. And does that C mean what I think it does? Bit 3: Enter Thompson! Now, I like this character! His motives are unknown (maybe...), and he's clever enough to evade Crux. Bit 4: Well, Crux doesn't seem too happy, does he? Wonder why... Bit 5: Well Thompson sure is eager to find more Marked. More eager than the Marked themselves, in fact... Bit 6: About time you had her find others! Great chapter! Awaiting the next one! -Scratch

1: It will, don't worry.2: I guess you'll have to...*sunglasses*wait and CYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH3: It's not often you come across a character able to get past Crux. :P4: You'll learn... :evilgrin:5: Thompson has his motivation.6: I know, it's taken a while. :PHopefully it'll be up sooner rather than later, with my exams finishing up soon. :)- Indecisive Individual

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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#47 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Jun 14 2013 - 03:20 PM

ohai

 

Bit 1: I'm seeing some elements of yourself in Alex here, I likey. Also, Stephen reminds me somewhat of Proditor. Not sure whether that's good or bad.

 

Bit 2: *gasp* it's the drawing you showed me! Freaky.

 

Bit 3: Please tell me Thompson has a brother called Thomson.

 

Bit 4: Crux deeming blood precious seems like it's hinting at something but my inattentive self has not picked it up.

 

Bit 5: Thompson's a bit of a scary guy, I think. Scarier than Crux.

 

Bit 6: I can't put my finger on why, but I really like the way this whole section played out. It felt very natural and human, like a reminder that this is set in the real world. I mean, I'm no expert on girls, but I have a feeling they behaved pretty accurately.

 

This is it,[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;] Eve thought. [/color]Things are moving at last.

My thoughts exactly :P

 

Also, there are a few typos and formatting errors throughout, but I really couldn't be bothered with all the faff of making quote boxes and such so you can find them yourself if you like.

 

But yeah, this chapter was keeping with the same great standard set by Chapter 8, and improving on it in fact. It made me a lot more motivated to keep reading that some of the other chapters. Great job :)


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That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun / 
And I can only hope you've got it aimed at me


#48 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 14 2013 - 03:45 PM

ohai

 

Bit 1: I'm seeing some elements of yourself in Alex here, I likey. Also, Stephen reminds me somewhat of Proditor. Not sure whether that's good or bad.

 

Bit 2: *gasp* it's the drawing you showed me! Freaky.

 

Bit 3: Please tell me Thompson has a brother called Thomson.

 

Bit 4: Crux deeming blood precious seems like it's hinting at something but my inattentive self has not picked it up.

 

Bit 5: Thompson's a bit of a scary guy, I think. Scarier than Crux.

 

Bit 6: I can't put my finger on why, but I really like the way this whole section played out. It felt very natural and human, like a reminder that this is set in the real world. I mean, I'm no expert on girls, but I have a feeling they behaved pretty accurately.

 

This is it,[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;] Eve thought. [/color]Things are moving at last.

My thoughts exactly :P

 

Also, there are a few typos and formatting errors throughout, but I really couldn't be bothered with all the faff of making quote boxes and such so you can find them yourself if you like.

 

But yeah, this chapter was keeping with the same great standard set by Chapter 8, and improving on it in fact. It made me a lot more motivated to keep reading that some of the other chapters. Great job :)

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 1: There may be some similarities, mostly because I'm the one writing him. :P[/color]

[color=#4b0082;]Also, I'm not sure if Stephen being similar to Proditor is a good thing.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 2: I know, right?[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 3: No.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 4: You'll figure it out, I think.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 5: I'm glad that the antagonists are improving as each is revealed. :lol:[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Bit 6: Thanks, Wotz. I was aiming for making it 'human'. :)[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Might be another case of it being just the way I've worded/spelt it, because I know that that's been a thing in the past and I haven't seen any on any of my multiple checks on grammar and spelling throughout it.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]I'm glad I've met and exceeded expectations and actually motivated you to read this. :P[/color]

 

- [color=#4b0082;]Indecisive[/color] Individual


  • 0

"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#49 Offline Al the Chicken Man

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Posted Jun 18 2013 - 07:37 PM

Alright, in return for your review, I'm obliged to review your first chapter ^^Okay, so Damian. Did it ever establish why he was rich? I understand that he was a throwaway character meant to die all along, but I would've really felt that death had he been better established. And the other two characters I would've loved to see expanded on to set the stage.But other than that, it was a great beginning, and I think I'll keep reading!
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#50 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 20 2013 - 04:00 PM

Alright, in return for your review, I'm obliged to review your first chapter ^^Okay, so Damian. Did it ever establish why he was rich? I understand that he was a throwaway character meant to die all along, but I would've really felt that death had he been better established. And the other two characters I would've loved to see expanded on to set the stage.But other than that, it was a great beginning, and I think I'll keep reading!

[color=#4b0082;]Well, I hope you enjoyed reading it despite that obligation. :P[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]I don't believe it was established in the prologue, but he does get referenced more than once later and it gets explained then. As for the other two characters -- one is fairly important and might get some explanation, the other was just a bodyguard to Damian.[/color]

 

[color=#4b0082;]Wonderful, glad to have another reader. :D[/color]

 

-[color=#4b0082;] Indecisive [/color]Individual


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"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#51 Offline Taka Nuvia

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Posted Jun 24 2013 - 01:31 PM

(finally got around reading the chapter ^^") And I have to say, the last sentence sums it up quite well, things are moving now. I also get the impression that you've really found your tone of narrative now.  :)

 

What I particularly enjoy about the story is the use of modern technology; smartphones, social media, that sutff. It works, and also adds a certain realism to the whole thing.

 

Plot-wise, I'm curious to see how that thing with Thompson's going to turn out. ^^


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18_yaargh.jpg

"And this is why you should always have your plot ready in advance"


#52 Offline Goose

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Posted Jun 24 2013 - 03:08 PM

(finally got around reading the chapter ^^") And I have to say, the last sentence sums it up quite well, things are moving now. I also get the impression that you've really found your tone of narrative now.  :) What I particularly enjoy about the story is the use of modern technology; smartphones, social media, that sutff. It works, and also adds a certain realism to the whole thing. Plot-wise, I'm curious to see how that thing with Thompson's going to turn out. ^^

Thank you. I feel I've really settled into Marked, with the longer chapters expressing this.Thank you, that's what I was going for with the use of it. :)Thompson is going to get his fair share of plot, don't worry. ;)- Indecisive Individual

  • 0

"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#53 Offline Alex Turner

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Posted Aug 17 2013 - 06:09 AM

Thompson has a beard

 

The whole Liam catch-up thing reminds me of LOST. As does like, everything else in life ;_;

 

Ermahgerd a character in fiction wearing the same clothes all the time is actually explained. I grant you one pat on the back, my good sir.

 

Why was Johnson so shocked at Necromancy being found in Ireland?


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That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun / 
And I can only hope you've got it aimed at me


#54 Offline Eredar

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Posted Nov 01 2013 - 01:57 AM

...And it was said that Chapter 11 was to fall into the void, never to be seen again... Until Vorex posts it back up.


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Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...


#55 Offline Goose

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Posted Nov 01 2013 - 07:04 AM

...And it was said that Chapter 11 was to fall into the void, never to be seen again... Until Vorex posts it back up.

And now everyone gets to wait an unreasonable amount of time for it all over again! :D- Whatever I'm Called Now

  • 0

"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013


#56 Offline Eredar

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Posted Nov 05 2013 - 06:22 PM

...You cruel, cruel paradox-eater...


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Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...


#57 Offline Taka Nuvia

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Posted Nov 21 2013 - 04:06 AM

That mysterious character/creature from the vision looks promising, really promising. As does the whole chapter. :3

 

 

[color=#ffffff;]--[/color][font="helvetica, sans-serif;"]“Surprisingly, no. Apparently he had a go at Alex, though, according to his abridged (if dramatised) version of his magnificent rescue, in which he telekinetically threw Thompson into a wall and gave him a concussion.”[/font]

What I'm not so sure about is the use of brackets in direct speech. In written text it works, but how exactly do you pronounce brackets? Maybe using - would have been a bit better, I don't know...


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18_yaargh.jpg

"And this is why you should always have your plot ready in advance"


#58 Offline Goose

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Posted Nov 21 2013 - 06:11 PM

That mysterious character/creature from the vision looks promising, really promising. As does the whole chapter. :3 

 [color=#ffffff;]--[/color][font="helvetica;"]Surprisingly, no. Apparently he had a go at Alex, though, according to his abridged (if dramatised) version of his magnificent rescue, in which he telekinetically threw Thompson into a wall and gave him a concussion.[/font]

What I'm not so sure about is the use of brackets in direct speech. In written text it works, but how exactly do you pronounce brackets? Maybe using - would have been a bit better, I don't know...
[color=#000080;]D'awww, thank you. c:It's difficult to explain. You see, Stephen stands apart from the other characters in that he is loosely based on a real person, and I swear that he can use parentheses in speech somehow. I don't get it either, but he makes it work.Also, it's a call-out to Stephen's narration, which includes heavy use of brackets. I thought it would be fun to let that seep into dialogue. :P[/color]- [color=#000080;]Indigo[/color] Individual

Edited by ~Tom Milsom~, Nov 21 2013 - 06:12 PM.

  • 0

"We're not like them... we're something more... something better..."

marked.png

"I never asked for this. I never asked to be a god."

 

"I want you to know the pain I've endured before you call me a villain."

Marked: Chapter 12 (Coming Soon)

Review Topic

 

 

"If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am."

BZPRPG 2013





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