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#1 Offline Cederak

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Posted Oct 30 2012 - 01:25 AM

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My name is Makuta Novirax and I have a very special function within the Brotherhood. The creation of Rahi beasts for the universe was never terribly satisfying for me, no, I preferred a different breed of challenge. When it became apparent the organization would require a way to distinguish enemies from allies, we agreed on adopting a system of objects that secretive and clandestine supporters could use to ensure their safety if another Makuta suspected them of standing in our way. Thus, the Tablet of Transit was born. I am the only Makuta in the universe that knows the location of every one of those tablets, as well as each holder. I know why they possess it and the likelihood of their betrayal. In our line of work, you have to keep tabs on potential risks at all times, because you never know when a potential risk could turn into an immediate problem. The ancient, long destroyed, League of Six Kingdoms made a similar error and we cannot afford to repeat their mistake.

The reason I take such a personal interest in the tablets, though, is mostly due to the fact that I created them. Each one was painstakingly crafted by my hand, given the insignia of the Brotherhood - the infamous Mask of Shadows replacing Miserix's Kanohi following the coup. It didn't take much work to track down the tablets and place the new seal on them, though a few tablets were beyond my access. Suffice to say, some of the holders could no longer be reached through the extent of my powers. Regardless, the tablets remain an important part of my life, charging me with the purpose of knowing where any and all Brotherhood allies are at any given time.

It's true that an early drawback to making the tablets was that the word got out somehow. Biomechs learned we were identifying allies by whoever held a tablet and, if anything of value exists, a fake is bound to be made eventually. It took me quite some time, but I trained myself to spot a forgery. More importantly, I trained myself to spot liars. Wearing a Kanohi Rode assisted me at first, but I didn't like taking a Mask of Truth with me everywhere. It made the game too simple for my taste. I wanted the satisfaction of knowing I could see through falsehoods and half-truths with my own wit and, with time, I succeeded.

I provided myself with a challenge and I rose to meet it. Even now, as I analyze the piece of stone the Matoran of air standing—cowering, really—before me placed into my hand, even as he swears up and down that it is a legitimate Tablet of Transit, my eyes and my mind cannot be deceived. His behavior is too panicky and he exudes fear…I can feel it. The Brotherhood does not tolerate rebels to our cause, especially those biomechs so exalted in the eyes of the Great Spirit. This Matoran will have to be educated on why you do not cross a Makuta that has dedicated his lifetime to a collection of rocks. After all, centuries of that would mentally unhinge most individuals, don't you think? You think you know the legitimate tablets from the forgeries, but every now and again, you start to wonder in the back of your mind if you accidentally confused them. Teridax has reminded me that there cannot be room for doubt when dealing with our enemies, but sometimes…well, I just don't know. Enough delays - this deceptive little Matoran must be dealt with. Just as soon as I can stop talking to myself.


Edited by Cederak, Jan 06 2014 - 11:31 PM.

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#2 Offline Toa Smoke Monster

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Posted Nov 02 2012 - 04:59 PM

This is an interesting story, and I'm surprised no one has left a review about it yet. I like how Novirax said that the tablets needed to have the Mask of Shadows replace Miserix's mask, since Teridax overthrew the other Makuta and it would make sense to make the change on the tablets. This is one of the shorter stories I've seen in the SS Forum, but it didn't need to be longer because it still had enough information in it to tell a good story.I do have one nitpick about this short story, and that is about the fake tablets. You showed that Novirak could tell the difference between a real tablet and a fake, but you never really explained what made the fake ones fake. Was it the kind of rocks they were made of? Was the symbol of the Brotherhood craved on them a little different than on a real one? It would've been nice if Novirak had gone on and explained how the fakes were fake.Grammar-wise, I did find a couple mistakes, and they are:

Even now, as I analyze the piece of stone the Matoran of air standing

I believe 'air' should be capitalized.

You think you know the legitimate tablets from the forgeries, but every now and again, you start to wonder in the back of your mind if you accidentally confused them in your mind.

I believe the bolded part could be worded better. I think it should be something like this: 'if you could accidentally mistake one for the other.'These are the only grammar issues I could find. Overall, I really enjoyed your story. Keep up the good work!

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Everyone is one choice away from being a bad guy in someone else's story.


#3 Offline Cederak

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Posted Nov 02 2012 - 05:51 PM

Thank you for the review, TSM. This was a piece written in 15 minutes for the Ambage write offs, and I decided to post it in its original format. This would explain the lack of certain information (which I'd like to go back and edit in at a later date) as well as a why a sentence or two might not have the proper flow. Hopefully, I'll find some spare time to make it more...complete. Thanks again for reading! :)-Ced
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#4 Online Chro

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Posted Nov 03 2012 - 04:39 PM

Excellent story, and nice concept. I knew someone would write about the supposed creator of the Tablets. :lol:I like how you made Novirax seem primarily rational and intelligent, while still maintaining an undercurrent of mild craziness that only really shows up towards the very end. Hunting down rocks must do that to you, indeed. This reminds me of a certain video I've seen (which I obviously can't link to) about a schizophrenic murderer's last interview in prison; the character defends his own sanity quite well before it is revealed that his lawyer is imaginary. Grammar and stuff is fine as usual, save for this:

... you start to wonder in the back of your mind if you accidentally confused them in your mind.

One of the "in your mind" parts should be removed.Anyway, nice entry to the FF contest. :biggrin:

Edited by Chro, Nov 03 2012 - 04:39 PM.

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#5 Offline Cederak

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Posted Nov 03 2012 - 06:33 PM

@Chro - Thanks for reviewing. Sounds like an interesting video, to say the least. I could appreciate a surprise ending like that.Also, I made the edit you recommended. Glad you pointed that out. :)-Ced
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