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The Nuva Inn

The Nuva Inn Toa Nuva Lewa0111 Remake Tava

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#1 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 15 2011 - 04:17 PM

Well, after an extremely long hiatus and a new forum, BZPower is finally back! And between the forums being down for nearly a year and my extremely sporadic updating schedule before that, it feels like I haven't written a BIONICLE comedy chapter in forever. So what better way to celebrate my (and everyone else's) return to BZP than with a remake of my first comedy, The Nuva Inn?

 

This is going to be a REMAKE, not a verbatim cut and paste of the original. Yes, I'm going to keep the same general plots for the chapters, the same running jokes, and the same script format, since prose just wouldn't work very well with the style of humor found in TNI. If you want to read the few chapters saved from the original classic, just go here! Once I've caught up to wherever I was originally (which might take a while,) then I'll write new chapters, and most of the later chapters might just end up being cut and paste from the original. It's mostly the earlier chapters that are long overdue for a rewrite anyway, and to be honest, reading those first chapters again actually is a bit embarrassing.

 

(UPDATE: As a result of the repeated hackings, dataclysms, and general loss of all archived material, any chapters after the end of the "Pieism" saga/Ask Matau! crossover will no longer be directly based on the original's chapters, with the exception of one or two toward the end of the original's run that I still have saved on my computer. I'll try my best to recall certain plots and jokes that I remember, and any assistance in remembering old TNI chapters is also appreciated).

 

So, without further ado...

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 1: The Beginning...Again?

 

Narrator: *game show voice* Welcome to...THE NUVA INN!

 

Onua: What is this, a game show?

 

Narrator: Oh, sorry, I worked as a game show announcer at my last job. Anyway, we join the Toa Nuva standing around in an open field.

 

Onua: That's too cliche!

 

Narrator: Well, too bad!

 

Onua: ...Wait a second, this seems awfully familiar...

 

Gali: Come to think of it, I vaguely remember doing all of this before. I have some fuzzy memories of running a hotel, a bunch of Guest Stars, a pie-obsessed Matoran, and me repeatedly fusing with a Glatorian.

 

Tahu: Hey, how come you get to remember all of that stuff? I don't remember anything, just a vague sense of deja vu like Onua.

 

Gali: I have psychic powers.

 

Tahu: :OMG: REALLY?

 

Gali: Of course! How else do you explain that mental connection Takua and I had during the end of the MNOG?

 

Onua: She has a point.

 

Tahu: But if we already built a hotel, then why are we standing here in a field doing nothing?

 

Gali: Let me think...what were we doing before this happened...oh, of course! We time traveled!

 

Tahu: WHAT.

 

Gali: No, seriously! Nuparu made a time machine and we traveled back in time to one of the first chapters. Something must have gone wrong and got us stuck back here, plus erased all of our memories.

 

Onua: Except yours.

 

Gali: Not anymore. I just forgot everything.

 

Onua: Wow, how convenient.

 

Narrator: Can we just get on with the story already? We join the Toa Nuva in an empty field earlier today.

 

*A large number of monkeys wearing construction hats are building something*

 

Monkey 1: Monkey noises!

 

Monkey 2: Monkey noises!

 

Monkey 3: Monkey noises!

 

Lewa: You're not supposed to speaksay "Monkey Noises," you're supposed to talkmake actual monkey noises!

 

Monkey 1: But we don't know what kind of noises monkeys make!

 

Onua: :blink: Narrator, this isn't early enough!

 

Narrator: Hmmph! Fine!

 

*In the aforementioned empty field...*

 

Pohatu: I'm bored.

 

Lewa: Me too.

 

Tahu: Hey, I've got an idea! Let's run a hotel!

 

Everyone but Tahu: :uhuh:

 

Tahu: What? It would be fun!

 

Gali: This has got to be the most cliche beginning ever.

 

*Pohatu raises his hand*

 

Tahu: I'm not a teacher, you don't have to raise your hand. What is it, Pohatu?

 

Pohatu: How can we run a hotel that doesn't exist yet?

 

Tahu: What are you talking about? Our hotel does too exist!

 

Pohatu: No it doesn't. Hotels don't just appear, you know.

 

*A hotel falls out of the sky and crushes Pohatu*

 

Gali: Oh, the irony.

 

Lewa: *points to sign outside hotel door* Hey, seelook! It showsays "THE HOTEL NEXT DOOR."

 

Gali: Next door? Next door to what?

 

Kopaka: Our hotel?

 

Tahu: Ha, I was right! See, Pohatu? ...Pohatu?

 

Pohatu: Oog... :wacko:

 

Tahu: Never mind. Come on, follow me and let's go!

 

Lewa: Hey, how come youTahu get to be the headleader?

 

Tahu: "YouTahu?" That sounds like an awesome idea for the name of a video-sharing website. Anyway, the red guys are always the leader because it's in the script. :lookhere:

 

*Everyone pulls out their scripts for "THE NUVA INN"*

 

Lewa: *tosses script* Loseforget this! I, Lewame, will herenow be the headleader! Just like Zaktan, the brightgreen guys will rule!

 

Tahu: You can't do that! And Zaktan doesn't count because he's a Piraka.

 

Zaktan: *appears* Hey, you got a problem with me being a Piraka, punk? *grabs Tahu and shoves him in a trash can before leaving*

 

Pohatu: That was weird.

 

Gali: No kidding. Oh well, regardless of random trash-can-obsessed Piraka, where are we going to find our hotel? Lewa, any ideas?

 

Lewa: We buildconstruct one!

 

Onua: But where will we get construction workers?

 

Lewa: As headleader, I have an awesomecool smartidea!

 

*Lewa makes a whistle call like in Mask of Light*

 

Everyone but Lewa: ...

 

Kopaka: Hey, that's my line!

 

Gali: Nothing happened. Oh well, let's party!

 

*A disco ball descends from the sky and party lights and music starts playing while Gali dances around*

 

Everyone: :blink:

 

*Suddenly, 1,000 monkeys wearing construction hats run up to the Toa and assemble behind Lewa*

 

Lewa: Told you it would succeedwork! Now, monkeys, startbegin building our hotel!

 

*Later that day...*

 

Monkey 1: Monkey noises!

 

Monkey 2: Monkey noises!

 

Monkey 3: Monkey noises!

 

Lewa: You're not supposed to speaksay "Monkey Noises," you're supposed to talkmake actual monkey noises!

 

Monkey 1: But we don't know what kind of noises monkeys make!

 

Lewa: I think it's an "ooh ooh aah aah" kind of soundnoise.

 

Monkey1: Oh, okay, thanks. Ooh ooh aah aah!

 

*Even later...*

 

Lewa: Movepush that giganticblock over herethere! Monkey #572, watchcheck that falling beam! I mean...never mind. Being headleader is tougher than I believedthought. I don't knowthink I can do thisthat.

 

Onua: There's a leader opening? Then I, Onua, inspired by Garan, shall take command!

 

*Garan appears and blasts Onua with a pulse bolt*

 

Onua: :dazed: Ouch. Never mind. Pohatu: That's weird. How come whenever we mention someone's name, they appear?

 

*A random Matoran appears*

 

Pohatu: Who are you?

 

RM: I'm someone's name!

 

Pohatu: Huh?

 

RM: My name is "Someone's Name!"

 

Pohatu: *sighs* I rest my case.

 

*Someone's Name disappears*

 

Kopaka: ...

 

*Awkward silence*

 

Lewa: So...what now? The hotel isn't even halfpart donefinished!

 

*Takanuva suddenly falls out of the sky and lands on Pohatu*

 

Takanuva: I am Takanuva, Toa of Light!

 

Gali: Wow, how did you survive that fall? You fell hundreds of feet, you could have been killed!

 

Takanuva: Could have been, but I'm not.

 

Kopaka: You're being repetitive.

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: Yes you are--you said the exact same things in Mask of Light!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: Yes you are!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: Is that all you can say?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: Then what else can you say?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: I meant besides "no."

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: No, something else!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: Shut up.

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Gali: *groans* That was annoying. Good thing Takanuva's just here randomly for one scene, or that might end up becoming a running joke that lasts for the next hundred or so chapters...

 

Takanuva: Okay, that's enough tormenting Kopaka. Lewa, what are you doing?

 

Lewa: We're building a hotel.

 

Takanuva: Let me help! *blasts construction with light, creating a gleaming, 9,321-story tower instantly*

 

Lewa: Impressive! You're hired!

 

Gali: :bigeek: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Kopaka: Hey, that's my line! Lewa: Shushquiet! Now that our towerhotel is donefinished, let's walkgo inside! Follow me!

 

Gali: Wait!

 

*Everyone stops, crashing into Lewa*

 

Lewa: What now?

 

Gali: What should we call it? We can't have a hotel without a name!

 

Kopaka: But it does have a name! It's "..."

 

Gali: That isn't a name. That's just silence.

 

Kopaka: ... is my favorite word!

 

Gali: WE KNOW. We need a real name.

 

Onua: A name? I know, how about "Bob?"

 

Lewa: That's stupiddumb. Not that kind of name!

 

Tahu: I have an idea! How about "The Nuva Inn?"

 

Lewa: Excellentgood name, Tahu!

 

Tahu: Does this mean I can be the leader again?

 

Lewa: Sorry, no.

 

Tahu: :(

 

Gali: Tahu, where did you come up with that name? Great idea!

 

Tahu: I read the title of the comedy. *points to topic title hovering in the sky*

 

Gali: But why is that the title of the comedy?

 

Tahu: Because it's the name of the hotel, obviously!

 

Gali: But then why is it the name of the hotel?

 

Tahu: Because it's in the title!

 

Gali: But then--how--what-- *groans*

 

Lewa: Enough talkchat, let's set up a postsign! Takanuva?

 

Takanuva: Sure thing!

 

*a giant glowing neon sign appears reading "THE NUVA INN"*

 

Lewa: That was everquick. Let's go inside!

 

*Suddenly, they hear a loud rumble from behind them*

 

Tahu: What's that? I'm scared! MOMMY!! *runs to Gali*

 

Gali: Get off! I'm not your mom! BIONICLE characters don't even have mothers!

 

*The Toa turn around to see a horde of monkeys running toward them*

 

Lewa: Uh-oh! They must be evermad because they lost their workjobs!

 

*The monkeys leave everyone alone but Takanuva*

 

Takanuva: Hey! Get off! I was only trying to--OWWWW!

 

All Toa Nuva: :popcorn:

 

Kopaka: cool dude. Serves him right.

 

Lewa: Why did you just callname him "cool?"

 

Kopaka: I didn't. BZP's word filter won't let me say the word I wanted to say, even though it appears lots of times in the actual BIONICLE novels and story serials.

 

Gali: Who cares, let's party!

 

*Disco ball and party lights and music appear and she starts dancing*

 

THE end

 

Onua: Hey Narrator! How come just "the" is capitalized and not "end?"

 

Narrator: Never question the narrator!

 

Onua: Why not?

 

*A banana flies in from out of nowhere and smacks him in the mask*

 

Onua: Hey!

 

Narrator: Ha ha ha!

 

*All the monkeys from earlier in the chapter start hitting Onua with bananas*

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,473 words.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 25 2014 - 04:28 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#2 Offline Jalina T.T.

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Posted Oct 15 2011 - 05:30 PM

You're back! Nuva Inn's getting a renovation? Awesome. I understand about the embarrassing old chapters. I'm tempted to go back and re-write a few of mine... Not only does this chapter retain the charm of the original, but supplements it and raises it to a new level. I can't wait to see what you do with the next chapter!
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#3 Offline Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

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Posted Oct 15 2011 - 09:25 PM

It's back! It's New! And maybe now I can read all of it without having to look at twenty or so pages of back material. I wonder what happens next...you never know, this time could be different. My comedies will be!
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#4 Offline Meso Zehvor

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Posted Oct 15 2011 - 10:52 PM

Great to see this back. While I never actively reviewed the TNI, I was an avid reader and enjoyed the series. I'm excited by the prospect of a "retelling" of the series.

Gali: Come to think of it, I vaguely remember doing all of this before. I have some fuzzy memories of running a hotel, a bunch of Guest Stars, a pie-obsessed Matoran, and me repeatedly fusing with a Glatorian. Tahu: Hey, how come you get to remember all of that stuff? I don't remember anything, just a vague sense of deja vu like Onua.

^That had to be my favorite part. XD This was a great chapter, and I feel it's a great (re)start to this series. Can't wait for more from you. -Mesonak

Edited by Mesonak, Oct 15 2011 - 10:53 PM.

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#5 Offline Toa Gabriella0111

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Posted Oct 16 2011 - 12:14 AM

You know what's weird? The fact that the forums went down and "reset" TNI back to the beginning right after the last chapter you posted was one about time travel. Talk about a coincidence :blink: ...But I love how you worked the whole thing into the story. You're still my favorite writer, of course, and you always will be! I'm excited to read the "redone" chapters! ~Toa Gabriella
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My three favorite things are Bionicle, High School Musical, and Lewa0111. Guess what? They're all in one topic! Or, visit my comedy: The Story of Toa Gabriella
Hey, I'm a Toa--a Toa of Music, that is! But hang on, wasn't I a Turaga before? Something seems backwards...


Are you a fan of any or all of Lewa0111's comedies? Then please, help me with making a wiki for them! Just search "Lewa0111 Comedy Wiki" on any search engine to find it (since I can't link to sites with forums!) Thanks a ton! ^_^

#6 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 16 2011 - 07:01 PM

Thanks for the replies, everyone! I'm glad you're all as happy as I am about the idea of a remake. And yes, Gabriella, talk about a weird coincidence! But it is nice to see you back on BZP. Anyway, time for the next chapter!

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 2: The Second Chapter

 

Onua: Well, that's a dumb name for a chapter. Of course Chapter 2 is the second chapter! Narrator, you really stink at coming up with good chapter names!

 

Narrator: Must you criticize everything I do? And this time it's not even my fault! I don't even write the titles!

 

Onua: Oh really? Then who writes the titles if not you?

 

Narrator: The Title Writing Guy, obviously. That's him over there.

 

TWG: :howdy:

 

Onua: Title Writing Guy, that chapter title was horrible.

 

TWG: Like you could do any better?

 

Onua: I sure could! How about "Chapter 2: The Toa Open A Mine?"

 

TWG: But the Toa aren't opening a mine in this chapter.

 

Onua: They aren't?

 

TWG: No, sorry.

 

Onua: :(

 

Narrator: Can we all just stop arguing? Anyway, in this chapter, we find our new hotel owners preparing for the grand opening.

 

*The Toa are all moving large boxes around in the lobby, which is very large but currently empty*

 

Lewa: Wow, who knewthought it took this everlong to set up a towerhotel? We've been workdoing this for longhours!

 

Delivery Matoran: Here you go, one box for a "Lewa Nuva."

 

Lewa: Thankswelcome. I wonderthink what this could be?

 

Tahu: Open the box and find out!

 

Lewa: *opens box* It's a...giantbig conveyor belt?

 

Why does a towerhotel need a conveyor belt?

 

Gali: It goes in the entrance so that we can send anyone we don't like out of the hotel. Isn't that obvious?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Lewa: Okay. Well, since I'm the headleader and I'm already standing herethere, I supposeguess I'll be the new front desky person? *stands behind desk*

 

*Gali flips over the desk and blasts Lewa with water, sending him flying onto the conveyor belt, which then activates and flings him out the door*

 

Gali: Sorry, Lewa, but I'm the front desky person!

 

Onua: Why you?

 

Gali: Because the front desky person must always be a girl!

 

Onua: Who decided that rule?

 

Gali: Me, of course! Isn't it a great rule?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!

 

Gali: Oh well, back to work. I'll set up the computer.

 

*Gali sets up the computer on the desk while the other Toa get back to work moving boxes. Lewa walks in.*

 

Lewa: Did I evermiss something goodimportant?

 

Gali: Not really. Just that you can't be front desky person, because it has to be a girl.

 

Lewa: Fineokay. I will just be headmanager instead! That's a goodnice computer too!

 

Gali: Yes, it's loaded with Doors 7: Awesome Edition, which is the latest and best technology!

 

Takanuva: I prefer Bula X.

 

Gali: *shrugs* Suit yourself. *starts typing randomly on the computer* :bigeek: OH NO!

 

All Toa Nuva (except Gali): What?

 

Gali: It's horrible! WE HAVE NO POOL!

 

Dramatic Music: Dun dun DAAAAAAAAH!

 

*Everyone stares at Onua*

 

Onua: Oh, sorry. *presses the "stop" button on his boom box and removes a Dramatic Music Mix Vol. 5 CD* I love listening to dramatic music.

 

Lewa: Oh well. Gali, who knowcares about a waterpool? We don't need one!

 

Gali: Yes we do, all hotels have pools!

 

Lewa: Reallytrue?

 

Gali: Yes.

 

Narrator: THERE MUST BE A POOL.

 

Tahu: :glare: Quiet, you.

 

Narrator: Fine! But remember, without a narrator, chaos will ensue!

 

Tahu: Never mind.

 

Lewa: Okay, fine. Pohatu, Onua, dig us a pool.

 

*Pohatu and Onua dig a deep hole in the floor*

 

Pohatu: Finished!

 

Gali: Umm...Pohatu? There's no water in the pool.

 

Pohatu: So? Pools don't need water! ...Do they?

 

Gali: Duh.

 

*A doorbell rings*

 

Tahu: Whoever's there, go away!

 

Lewa: I don't remember buypurchasing a doorbell...

 

Narrator: Whoops, my bad. Let's redo that scene.

 

*A knock is heard on the front door*

 

Tahu: Whoever's there, go away!

 

Lewa: Yes, we aren't readyopen yet!

 

*Someone kicks open the door and four random Matoran walk in*

 

Random Matoran #1: Hi, I'm Bob!

 

Lewa: I alreadybefore told you, we aren't readyopen yet! And "Bob" isn't a BIONICLE wordname!

 

RM#1: Just kidding. My real name is Sena.

 

RM#2: My name is Tiri.

 

RM#3 & 4: We don't have any names!

 

All Toa: :blink:

 

RM#3 & 4: What?

 

Lewa: Fineokay, what do you needwant?

 

Bob: We'd like a room for five, non-smoking.

 

Gali: But Matoran can't smoke even if they wanted to! And there are only four of you.

 

Bob: Five, counting Livna.

 

Pohatu: Who's Livna?

 

*A large anvil falls from the sky and lands on Pohatu*

 

Bob: That's Livna.

 

Lewa: Who cares? Didn't you seeread the sign? :lookhere: "No giantbig anvils allowed!" And regardlessanyway, we aren't readyopen yet, so go away.

 

Bob: Fine. We'll just go to The Hotel Next Door, then.

 

*Bob and co. leave and walk into The Hotel Next Door*

 

Bob: Ouch! Walking into a building hurts!

 

*The Toa Nuva watch through the windows*

 

Onua: Something seems weird about that hotel. Anyone else notice anything?

 

Gali: Well, I think the evil red eyes glaring at us from behind its front desk might be a clue. Also the fine print on their sign.

 

Onua: What fine print? I can't see anything.

 

Gali: That's because you're nearsighted from all that mining.

 

Onua: Am not!

 

Gali: Fine. Read that sign way over there.

 

Onua: *squinting* Umm..."Warning, Giant Rahi Are Eating Potato Chips?"

 

Gali: Nope. It says "Warning, Gali's Room: Access Never Allowed Ever."

 

Tahu: That wasn't even CLOSE to what Onua said!

 

Gali: His eyesight is just that bad.

 

Onua: Hey!

 

Kopaka: *activates Akaku* Anyway, the fine print on that sign reads, "Property of the Brotherhood of Makuta. If lost, return to Destral immediately."

 

Lewa: Creepysuspicious. Oh well, let's just get back to the heavywork!

 

Gali: Lewa, we're finished. The hotel is ready.

 

Lewa: :blink: That was quickfast! Awesomegood!

 

Tahu: Hey, Pohatu, I just have a question. Why is it that the last four letters of your name can be rearranged to spell my name?

 

Pohatu: No idea, but who cares?

 

Tahu: But it's bothering me!

 

Pohatu: Oh, fine. I'll just change my name to "Polagi!"

 

Gali: But now the last four letters of your name can be rearranged to spell my name!

 

Pohatu: *sighs* Fine, how about "Powela?"

 

Lewa: :glare:

 

Pohatu: Okay, well, "Pounoa?"

 

Onua: :uhuh:

 

Pohatu: "Pokapoak?"

 

Kopaka: Sorry.

 

Pohatu: "Ponaktauva?"

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Pohatu: This is confusing, I think I'll just keep my old name.

 

Tahu: But it annoys me!

 

Pohatu: Just deal with it!

 

Lewa: Okay everyoneall, as headleader, I say that we readyopen now! Places everybody!

 

Onua: But Lewa, we don't know what our jobs are yet.

 

Lewa: Didn't I saytell you?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!

 

Lewa: Okay, fine. Anyway, I'm the manager, so I'll just eversit around and do nothing. Gali, you're the lifeguard for the waterpool.

 

Gali: But I thought I was the front desky person!

 

Lewa: Umm...well...you can just be that too.

 

Takanuva: But how can she do two things at once? It's not like she can just split into two people or anything...

 

*Gali splits into two Galis and one goes to the front desk while the other goes to the pool*

 

Takanuva: :blink: Apparently she...can?

 

Lewa: Apparently so. Takanuva, you're the buildconstruction manager. Kopaka, you're in charge of janitating.

 

Kopaka: Is that even a word?

 

Lewa: I spokesaid it, so now it is!

 

Kopaka: Fine.

 

Lewa: Onua, you'll be the advertiser, and Pohatu, you're the bellbottom.

 

Pohatu: Don't you mean "bellboy?"

 

Lewa: Surewhatever.

 

Tahu: What's my job, Lewa?

 

Lewa: You can b--

 

THE END

 

Tahu: Hey! That wasn't fair! I didn't get to hear what my job was!

 

Narrator: We ran out of time, too bad!

 

Tahu: But that was all Bob's fault, he wasted too much time in this chapter...

 

Onua: Hey, Tahu, I'm the only one allowed to criticize the narrator in these ending things!

 

Tahu: Says who?

 

Onua: Says me!

 

*Tahu lights Onua on fire*

 

Onua: :onfire: HOT!! HOT!! HOT!!

 

Tahu: :D

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,301 words.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 26 2014 - 01:14 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#7 Offline Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

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Posted Oct 16 2011 - 07:41 PM

That looks very congruent to the old chapter...but that's just going off my memory, not actual comparison. I'm trying to find something critical to say about this chapter. Forgive my failure. The new jokes are present, though, and they are good.
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#8 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 17 2011 - 10:55 PM

Thanks for the reply, Kapurkar! Anyhow:

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 3: Grand Opening

 

Onua: The Grand Opening already? But we still have so many loose ends!

 

Narrator: "Loose ends?" Like what?

 

Onua: Well, for one, we still haven't resolved Pohatu's issue with his name.

 

Narrator: So what do you want me to do about that?

 

Onua: Resolve it, of course!

 

Narrator: Ugh, fine. Pohatu, I'll give you two choices. Your name can be either "Pohatu," or "Goiaeuherja;ojra;ljiflkdjvfliadjvcldsjigflkseojfopiasejflksdjfopdkjifplkszdjridstjpejpdoxiutpldriugtpdrkuiotjpodrijsp."

 

Pohatu: :blink: On second thought, I like "Pohatu" better.

 

Narrator: Happy now, Onua?

 

Onua: Okay, whatever. Let's just start the chapter.

 

Narrator: Finally! We now find the Toa Nuva in their hotel, preparing for the grand opening.

 

*The Toa Nuva are busy hanging up decorations in the lobby while Lewa gives orders and relaxes in an easy chair*

 

Lewa: Good job with the welding, Tahu. Gali, we could use a few more signs for the entrance. Pohatu, I'm thinking we could use something in that corner over there, it's too empty.

 

Pohatu: Like what?

 

Lewa: I don't know, something festive.

 

Pohatu: Okay!

 

*Pohatu leaves and comes back in seconds later with a Christmas tree and lights*

 

Pohatu: :D Is this good?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Lewa: :facepalm:

 

Gali: That isn't a real emoticon, Lewa.

 

Lewa: Well, it should be! Pohatu, find something else.

 

Pohatu: How about this cocoon?

 

Gali: Wow, where'd you get that?

 

Pohatu: I bought it on E-Bay! I wonder what's inside.

 

*Pohatu pokes the cocoon, and a mysterious Rahi-like figure emerges*

 

Gali: Who are you?

 

Mysterious Rahi-Like Figure: I am Keetongu Hordika!

 

Lewa: Keetongu Hordika? What happened to you?

 

Keetongu Hordika: Apparently, Roodaka has mutating things copyrighted now. So I'm stuck like this.

 

Lewa: Yeah, copyrights are annoying sometimes. But hang on, if you're a Hordika, who will cure you?

 

Keetongu Hordika: Oh, that's right, I forgot I can cure myself!

 

*Keetongu Hordika cures himself*

 

Keetongu: Yay, I'm cured! Now I'm going to go and copyright copyrights so that Roodaka doesn't turn me into a Hordika again, bye!

 

*Keetongu runs off*

 

Lewa: You can copyright copyrights?

 

Gali: *shrugs* Guess so.

 

Lewa: Oh. Hey, I just realized: you're not two people anymore! How come?

 

Gali: You could say it became too much of a strain.

 

[FLASHBACK]

 

*Gali1 and Gali2 are cleaning the pool*

 

Gali2: Hey, what's this giant strainer doing in the pool?

 

Gali1: I don't know. Let's take a look and--

 

*A suction force inside the strainer activates, sucking them in and somehow squeezing them back together into one Gali*

 

Gali: :dazed:

 

[/FLASHBACK]

 

Lewa: I see.

 

*Kopaka emerges from the elevator*

 

Kopaka: Whew! I just got done janitating every room in the hotel. Did you know that we have exactly 52,437.93 rooms?

 

Lewa: No, and that's a really weird number of rooms to have.

 

*Tahu walks up*

 

Tahu: Hey, Lewa, can we talk for a second?

 

Lewa: No, you can't be the leader of the Toa Nuva again.

 

Tahu: No, not that. You never gave me a job in the last chapter, since we ran out of time!

 

Lewa: What are you talking about? I did too give you a job!

 

Tahu: Okay, then what was it?

 

Lewa: Umm...uh...let's see...er...umm...hang on, it's...wait...no...umm...

 

*Five hours later...*

 

Lewa: ...not quite...er...huh...oh, wait, I've got it! You can be in charge of the restaurant!

 

Tahu: But we don't have a restaurant.

 

Lewa: We don't? TAKANUVA!

 

Takanuva: What?

 

Lewa: We have a restaurant in this building, right?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!

 

Lewa: Well, in that case, build one right now! Tahu needs a job!

 

Takanuva: Okay, fine.

 

*Takanuva zaps the side of the hotel with light, creating a restaurant addition instantly*

 

Lewa: There you go, Tahu, it's all yours!

 

Tahu: All right, stoves and matches and ovens!

 

*Tahu runs into the restaurant*

 

Gali: Lewa, are you sure that was the best idea?

 

Lewa: Of course! What could possibly go wrong?

 

Gali: Well...

 

*restaurant erupts into a ball of flame*

 

Gali: ...that.

 

Lewa: It's okay, Takanuva can just fix it.

 

Takanuva: Fine. *fixes restaurant instantly*

 

Tahu: Whee! That was fun, can we do it again?

 

Takanuva: No, I'm not rebuilding that restaurant every five seconds!

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, I'm not rebuilding that restaurant every five seconds!

 

Everyone else: :blink:

 

Gali: *shrugs* Well, since we've finished all of the preparations for the most part, should we open the hotel now?

 

Lewa: Not yet. We're still waiting on Pohatu to find something to put in that corner. He should be back any--

 

*A loud "BOOM" from the front doors interrupts him*

 

Takanuva: What's that?

 

Onua: It looks like a blob of mints fused together.

 

Gali: You're so nearsighted.

 

Onua: No I'm not!

 

Gali: Fine, believe what you want. I think the noise is our customers.

 

Lewa: But we're not open yet!

 

*The doors burst open and hundreds of Matoran rush in, stampeding over the Toa*

 

Lewa: :bigeek: AAH! I thought there were only 72 Matoran on this island!

 

Onua: Who told you that?

 

Lewa: Well, according to the Mata Nui Online Game, each of the six villages has only one Matoran for each mask, and...

 

Onua: You make no sense.

 

Gali: Who cares?

 

*Gali splits into two again, and Gali1 jumps behind the desk*

 

Gali1: *to Matoran* ^_^ Hi, can I take your order?

 

Lewa: This isn't a fast food place!

 

Gali1: Whoops, sorry. *to Matoran* By the way, the line's over there.

 

*The Matoran all line up at the spot she pointed to, and the line is so long that it extends out of the hotel, all the way around the world, and comes back in the other side*

 

Lewa: Well, at least we have good business! TAKE THAT, HOTEL NEXT DOOR!

 

Mysterious Evil Voice: *from Hotel Next Door* Laugh as you will, puny Toa...

 

Lewa: :mellow: Well, that wasn't creepy at all.

 

Matoran At The Back Of The Line (MATBOL): Hey, we're bored! This wait is taking forever!

 

Gali1: I'm a bit busy at the moment!

 

*A lightning bug flies over Pohatu's head, dings, then flies away*

 

Pohatu: Hey, I have an idea! Onua, can I borrow your boom box?

 

Onua: Sure.

 

*Pohatu sets up Onua's boom box and sets the Can-Can on repeat, then starts juggling Makuta fish while tapdancing and riding a unicycle*

 

MATBOL: Boo, this entertainment is terrible!

 

*The Matoran start throwing explosive Thornax fruits at Pohatu*

 

Pohatu: Wait! Stop it! You said you were bored!

 

*Suddenly the line zooms by incredibly fast*

 

Random Matoran #35: *standing in the back of the line* Wow, that dance made it go faster! Yay for Pohatu!

 

Pohatu: It's all thanks to this! *pulls out a Vahi* I sped up time during my dance!

 

RM#35: Okay, that was random.

 

Narrator: No, that wasn't random!

 

Onua: Not you again!

 

Narrator: Yes, it's me, the narrator! And if you think that was random, you should see this!

 

*Suddenly, tons of random things start flying through the air, including:*

--The monkeys from Chapter 1

--Barney clones

--Lightsabers

--Monopoly money

--Blue chickens

--Takanuva ("Hey!")

--Microwaves

--Water fountains

--Toothpaste tubes

--Fake Chinese BIONICLE sets

--Microsoft Office Assistants

--Nintendo Wii Controllers

--Lightbulbs

 

All Toa and Matoran: :blink:

 

Onua: Okay, Narrator, stop showing off already.

 

Narrator: Hmmph! Can't I have some fun around here for a change?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

 

Gali1: All set! All of the Matoran are checked in. By the way, what was with all of that randomness earlier?

 

Takanuva: :wacko: Don't ask. Ouch.

 

Kopaka: Ha! You didn't say "no" for once!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! >:( You did that on purpose!

 

Takanuva: :D

 

*A knock is heard at the door*

 

Gali1: Welcome to The Nuva Inn, can I take your order?

 

Lewa: *muttering* This isn't a fast food place...

 

*The doors open, and Nidhiki and Krekka walk in*

 

Nidhiki: I'd like to take over this hotel, brother.

 

Gali1: You lost the right to call me brother long ago! ...Wait a minute, since I'm a girl, don't you mean "sister?"

 

Nidhiki: Whatever. Anyway--

 

Krekka: I want some cauliflower!

 

Nidhiki: You moron, you don't even like cauliflower!

 

*Krekka shrugs*

 

Gali1: Well, we don't like people who want to take over our hotels, so bye!

 

Nidhiki: But we're not going anywh--

 

*Gali1 activates the conveyor belt*

 

Gali1: Told you that would come in handy, Lewa!

 

Krekka: But I never got my cauliflower! WWWWWWWWAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhh...

 

*Krekka and Nidhiki go flying out of the hotel*

 

Lewa: Great first day, wouldn't you say?

 

Takanuva: *winces* Speak for yourself.

 

THEEND

 

Onua: Hey, how come there's no space between "The" and "End?"

 

Narrator: Umm...uh...

 

Onua: HA! I finally got you! You messed up, you messed up!

 

Narrator: Shut up.

 

Onua: Never! You messed up, you messed up!

 

*A gigantic hole appears under Onua and he falls into it*

 

Narrator: Never underestimate the power of the Narrator! :evilgrin:

 

Lewa0111: HOLD IT! According to your contract, Narrator, it says in Page 5, Section 3, Paragraph 2, Sentence 1 and 1/2, Word 8, Letter 3.14, Sub-letter 26, Sub-sub-letter Z, "There is to be no harm done to any participant in The Nuva Inn (hereafter referred to as "The Nuva Inn") using omnipotent narrator powers. Any violation of this rule will result in the Narrator losing all Narrative privileges and Lewa0111 choosing a new Narrator to replace him. Therefore, you're fired.

 

Narrator: WHY ME???

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,550 words.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 26 2014 - 12:03 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#9 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Oct 18 2011 - 06:15 PM

RANDOMNESS!!!! Is the Wii remote new? Can I be a Guest Star? Can you tell I'm hyper? -The Bane!
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Gentlemen, it's time to spread the word. And the word is: Panic

 

life is not a question of how long we live, but what we do with the life we have



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#10 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 18 2011 - 11:53 PM

Thanks for the reply, Bane! Next chapter!

 

(Note: Since this is only a half chapter, there will be no "Onua intro" and "Onua ending" at the beginning and end of the chapter. Also, there will be no new chapter of Ask Matau! today, sorry for the inconvenience.)

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 3.5: The Narrator Search

 

*In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps toniiiiiiiight...*

 

Lewa: Aweemowet aweemowet!

 

*In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps toniiiiiiiiiight...*

 

Lewa: Aweemowet aweemowet aweemowet aweemowet...

 

Zaktan: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeee eeeeeeeee eeeee ombombowayyy...

 

*In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight...*

 

Lewa0111: WOULD YOU JUST GET ON WITH IT!?!?

 

*Sorry.*

 

Lewa: Sorry.

 

Zaktan: Sorry.

 

Lewa0111: That was random even by BZP Comedy standards. :blink: Where did that even come from?

 

*We were having a karaoke party while we were waiting for you.*

 

Lewa0111: I'm not even going to ask. Just start the chapter already, Caption Writing Guy!

 

*Fine. In the land of Narrators, Authors, Caption Writing Guys, and other people in charge of helping to make these comedies possible...*

 

Lewa: There's a land of Narrators, Authors, Caption Writing Guys, and other people in charge of helping to make these comedies possible?

 

Lewa0111: Well, yes, of course. Where do you think the Caption Writing Guy and I live?

 

Lewa: In the trash can?

 

Zaktan: Did somebody say "trash cans?" :evilgrin:

 

Lewa0111: Sorry, we aren't talking about trash cans.

 

Zaktan: :(

 

Lewa: Hey, Lewa0111, I've been meaning to ask you something.

 

Lewa0111: Sure, Lewa, go ahead.

 

Lewa: Why exactly was I the only one who came with you to the Land of...err, the LONACWGAOPICOHTMTCP?

 

Zaktan: Hey, I came too!

 

Lewa: Besides you. None of the other Toa came...

 

Lewa0111: Well, first of all, you're my favorite BIONICLE hero, and Zaktan's my favorite villain. Second, you're both my favorite color. Third, I could only bring two BIONICLE characters with me, and fourth, Lewa, you might need to do job tryouts in the near future.

 

Lewa: :o SPOILERS!

 

Lewa0111: ...Umm, yes. Spoilers. Anyway, shut up for now, I have to make an announcement.

 

Zaktan: Hurry it up, I'm bored.

 

Lewa0111: Be glad you get to be a main character in this chapter for once! Anyway... *pulls out randomly appeared microphone* Attention, all citizens of the Land of Narrators, Authors, Caption Writing Guys, and other people in charge of helping to make these comedies possible! My comedy, The Nuva Inn, is currently missing a narrator since our previous narrator was fired. I need one of you to volunteer to narrate it in place of him!

 

*Awkward silence*

 

Lewa0111: ...Anybody?

 

*I'll do it!*

 

Lewa0111: Caption Writing Guy, if you want to say something, just say it normally. You don't have to caption it.

 

Caption Writing Guy (CWG): Fine. Wow, this feels weird. Anyway, I'll take the Narrator job!

 

Lewa0111: You can't, but I appreciate the offer.

 

CWG: Aww! Why not?

 

Lewa0111: Because if you're the narrator, then who'll be the Caption Writing Guy?

 

CWG: I'll do both!

 

Lewa0111: No, thanks. *into microphone* Well, anyway, the Narrator tryouts will be held at my house, tomorrow at 3:00 PM.

 

Everyone: Yay!

 

*Tomorrow at 3:00, at Lewa0111's house...*

 

Lewa: That was the weirdest caption I have ever seen.

 

* :crying: *

 

Lewa: Never mind, that was the weirdest caption I have ever seen.

 

Lewa0111: Will you two stop arguing? The tryouts are starting!

 

*A large line of various beings has formed outside the door to Lewa0111's house*

 

Lewa0111: Okay, who's up first?

 

Random Matoran #35: *in line* That's right, Who is on first! :D

 

Lewa0111: I said "who's up first," not "Who's on first."

 

RM#35: Darn it.

 

Bob: I'm first in line!

 

Lewa0111: Okay, Bob. Your job is to narrate a fight between Lewa and Zaktan here, who are being used as my guinea pigs.

 

Lewa: WHAT? That wasn't in the script!

 

Lewa0111: Since there's no narrator, there's no script either. Just follow Bob's narration! Bob, go ahead.

 

Bob: We join the Lewa Zaktan and Toa as Nuva fight a inn...

 

Lewa0111: That made absolutely no sense and it was horrible. You're fired!

 

Bob: :(

 

*Bob walks away*

 

Talking Zebra (TZ): I'm second. I'm a talking zebra and I'm awesome at narrating things!

 

Lewa0111: Okay...umm...sure, go ahead...uh...Talking Zebra.

 

TZ: We come to accompany Lewa, Toa Nuva of Air, and Zaktan, leader of the Piraka, as they are fighting violently with sticks and stones.

 

Lewa: Ha! Sticks and stones don't hurt me!

 

Zaktan: But words will! You are the worst Toa I have ever seen!

 

Lewa: OUCH!! MOMMY!!

 

TZ: The end.

 

Lewa0111: That was...erm...interesting. Sorry, but it didn't quite cut it. NEXT!

 

*Turaga Vakama walks in*

 

Turaga Vakama: I have lots of experience narrating the BIONICLE movie trilogy!

 

Lewa0111: What about TLR?

 

Turaga Vakama: Umm...well, I was on vacation when they were filming that movie. So I didn't narrate it.

 

Lewa0111: Fair enough. Go ahead, Turaga.

 

Turaga Vakama: And so it was, as it is. Matoran into Toa, Toa into Turaga, Turaga into legend. This is the way of the BIONICLE. Gathered friends, listen again to our legend...

 

Lewa0111: Is all you can do just spout your catchphrases from the movies?

 

Turaga Vakama: Pretty much.

 

Lewa0111: NEXT!

 

*An Onu-Matoran with a gigantic pie for a head walks in*

 

Matoran: I am PIEMAN! Doo doo doo doo doo doo! :P

 

Lewa0111: The last thing we're gonna need is TWO pie-obsessed characters. NEXT!

 

Lewa: Wait, who's the first pie-obsessed character?

 

Lewa0111: You haven't met him yet.

 

Lewa: Oh. Wow, this chapter is sure full of spoilers, isn't it?

 

Lewa0111: Umm...forget I said anything, okay? Anyhow, who's up next?

 

CWG: Hi, can I--

 

Lewa0111: We've already been over this. Get back to writing the captions!

 

*WAAAAAAAAHHH-- oh, sorry. Anyway, Narrator walks in wearing one of those mustache-glasses-nose disguise things*

 

Narrator: Hi! I'm...umm..."Narrator 2!"

 

Lewa0111: You look awfully familiar...

 

Narrator: Uh...no, I've definitely never seen you before in my life! You might be thinking of my second cousin's brother's aunt's niece's roommate's dog's cat's owner's monkey's parrot's sister's dad, Narrator. He used to narrate for "The Nuva Inn."

 

Lewa0111: Suuuuure...

 

Narrator: But since I'm obviously NOT the original narrator, can I try out?

 

Lewa0111: *sigh* Fine.

 

Narrator: Awesome! We now find Lewa and Zaktan arguing over a pie.

 

Zaktan: You owe me some pie, Toa punk!

 

Lewa: I don't have any pies, and even if I did, I wouldn't give it to you!

 

Zaktan: I won't rest until I get my pie! I DEMAND PIE RIGHT NOW!

 

Lewa: Umm...

 

Narrator: Lewa, thinking quickly, comes up with an idea.

 

Lewa: Here you go!

 

Narrator: Lewa hands Zaktan a piece of paper with several hundred digits of Pi written on it.

 

Zaktan: Not that kind of pie!

 

Narrator: And Zaktan beat Lewa up for tricking him. The End!

 

*Applause*

 

Lewa0111: Uh...where'd that applause come from?

 

*Lewa0111 turns around to see a large audience of random Matoran sitting behind him*

 

Lewa0111: Huh. Anyway, I guess you're hired, Narrator2!

 

Narrator: Thanks, Lewa0111! You won't regret this! *muttering to himself* He doesn't know who I am, nor will he until it is too late.

 

Zaktan: Stop quoting my line!

 

GregF: Actually, I created your line.

 

Zaktan: Great, now I'm confused...

 

Lewa: Does no one care that I've been severely injured here?

 

*Takanuva and Kopaka randomly appear*

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

 

Lewa0111: Well, as long as that problem is over and we have a new *cough*old*cough* Narrator for the comedy, I suppose we can end this odd chapter. Narrator, will you do the honors?

 

Narrator: Sure thing!

 

THE END

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,211 words.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 26 2014 - 12:32 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#11 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Oct 19 2011 - 09:14 PM

Great Chapter! Are you going to change names (like guest stars), or are you going to keep them the same? :bzp: -Bane
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Gentlemen, it's time to spread the word. And the word is: Panic

 

life is not a question of how long we live, but what we do with the life we have



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#12 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 20 2011 - 12:07 AM

Thanks again, Bane! I will indeed be keeping the Guest Stars the same, as their personalities, jokes, etc. can't exactly be changed without completely re-doing the plot. Once we're caught up to the original, though, new Guest Stars can be added.

I'll admit that the previous chapter wasn't my best work even revised, there just wasn't any real way to make that chapter much better than the original, which was awful to begin with. Oh well.

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 4: Pool Problems

 

Onua: "Pool Problems?" So we're playing billiards now?

 

Narrator: No, not that kind of pool.

 

Onua: Oh! So we're making bets on something? I hope I win the pool!

 

Narrator: Not that kind of pool either!

 

Onua: Are we sharing seats in a Vahki transport then?

 

Narrator: No! I'm talking about swimming pools!

 

Onua: Oh. That's no fun. 

 

Narrator: Just shut up. We join the Toa Nuva on their first day of business.

 

*The Toa Nuva (and Takanuva) are all working their normal jobs, but Lewa is in the lobby for some random reason*

 

Lewa: See? I told you this hotel was a great idea!

 

Gali: I thought that was Tahu's idea.

 

Lewa: What are you talking about? It was totally my original idea!

 

Gali: Suuuuure...

 

Lewa: Oh, stop acting so skeptical. I mean, come on! We have tons of customers, the hotel is full up, and we haven't gotten a single complaint!

 

*A phone rings on the side of the wall*

 

Gali: Uh-oh, we just got a complaint...

 

Lewa: I hate irony.

 

Gali: *picks up phone* Yes?

 

Random Matoran #35: (on the other end) Yes, I have a complaint to make. I wanted to use the pool today, but there's no water inside! How am I supposed to swim in nothing?

 

Gali: We'll get on it right away, Sorry for the inconvenience.

 

*Gali hangs up*

 

Gali: Lewa, why is there no water in the pool?

 

Lewa: Don't look at me!

 

Pohatu: I thought the water was optional!

 

Gali: You...are...an...cool dude.

 

Pohatu: Yep, I sure am! B-) 

 

Gali: *sighs* Oh well, I'll take care of this problem.

 

*Gali splits into two again and Gali2 runs off toward the pool*

 

Lewa: :blink: It always freaks me out when that happens. Come on, everyone, let's try to help! I don't want any complaints in MY hotel!

 

*The other five Toa Nuva and Takanuva run into the pool room, leaving Gali1 at the front desk*

 

Gali1: Hello, can I take your order? ^_^

 

Matoran Customer: This isn't a fast food place...?

 

*Meanwhile, in the pool room, Gali2 is pouring water into the hot tub with her elemental powers*

 

Lewa: Gali2, how's the pool coming? We'd better take care of this fast!

 

Gali2: Don't worry, I just finished filling it up! Now for the pool.

 

*Gali2 starts pouring water into the pool, but then the water suddenly fizzles out*

 

Gali2: Oh no! I'm out of water!

 

Takanuva: But how can you be out of water? I thought that was your element! Can't you just make unlimited water?

 

Gali2: I forgot to send in my last bill, now my water supply is cut off!

 

Everyone else: :blink:

 

Lewa: Great, now what? The pool is still empty, and there's bound to be complaints! This is all your fault, Pohatu!

 

Pohatu: Why me?

 

Lewa: Because it's fun to pick on you. Now, any ideas?

 

Tahu: I know! We could fill it with fire instead! :D

 

Gali2: No way! That would burn the customers!

 

Tahu: And that's a bad thing?

 

Gali2: :facepalm:

 

Onua: That still isn't a real emoticon!

 

Kopaka: How about filling the pool with ice instead? Then we could turn it into an ice rink!

 

Lewa: We already have an ice rink.

 

Kopaka: Really? *runs out the door to find the ice rink*

 

Onua: How about filling it with earth?

 

Pohatu: Or stone?

 

Lewa: But then what would be the point of having a pool in the first place?

 

Onua: Hmm, good point.

 

Takanuva: Why not fill it with light?

 

Gali2: Is that even physically possible?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: *randomly runs back in* AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

 

Lewa: Why does everyone want to fill the pool with their element?

 

Talk about being stereotypical... *sigh* Fine, I guess I should be saying "Let's fill it with air!!1!1one"

 

Pohatu: Great, Lewa, you're joining too!

 

Lewa: Joining what?

 

Pohatu: The "Fill Pool With Our Element" club! I founded it five seconds ago.

 

Onua: Figures.

 

Tahu: Well, I still think my element is the best.

 

Takanuva: No, mine is!

 

Gali2: Water is way better than fire and light!

 

Lewa: Oh, come on. Air is so much more awesome!

 

Pohatu: Don't forget stone!

 

Onua: And earth!

 

*As the Toa argue, they shoot their elements into the pool at the same time, causing energized protodermis to form inside the pool*

 

Lewa: Umm. Well.

 

Gali2: How in Mata Nui's name will we get this stuff out?

 

Takanuva: We could shove the Piraka into it and turn them into sea serpents.

 

*Zaktan appears*

 

Zaktan: What was that, light boy?

 

*Zaktan tries to shove Takanuva into a trash can, but sees that there are no trash cans and instead shoves him into the pool of EP, then disappears*

 

Onua: What's with Zaktan and pushing people into things?

 

Pohatu: I don't know...

 

Gali2: *sniff* Poor Takanuva...he died so young...

 

Kopaka: All right! Let's party!

 

*Kopaka grabs something from Gali2's hands and suddenly lights and party music come on*

 

Gali2: *grabs object back* Hey! That's my "Literally Instant Party Mix!" How dare you party at a time like this? Takanuva's dead!

 

Kopaka: But now I'll never hear him say "no" again!

 

*The EP starts bubbling*

 

Bubbles: *blub* No. *blub*

 

Kopaka: *blub* AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!! *blub*

 

Gali: That was strange. We should have a funeral for Takanuva, though.

 

Onua: Good idea. We need to honor his memory.

 

Lewa: Hey, wait a second. Something's happening...

 

*The EP bubbles even stronger, and then a strange figure emerges*

 

Strange Figure: I am Takanuva Nuva, Toa Nuva of Light!

 

Kopaka: Weird name. And you're being repetitive again.

 

Takanuva Nuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

 

Gali2: I'm glad you're back, Takanuva Nuva! ...Kopaka's right, though, that is a weird name.

 

Takanuva Nuva: You can just call me Takanuva.

 

Gali2: Oh, okay. That'll make things easier.

 

Lewa: Great to have you back, Takanuva! Now you can work for me again! We need an ice rink.

 

Takanuva: Okay, fine. *sigh* Here you go.

 

*Takanuva creates an ice rink instantly*

 

Kopaka: :br:

 

*A knock is heard from the front door*

 

Onua: Hey, how come we can hear that knock from all the way out there?

 

Lewa: The magic of comedies, I guess. *shrugs*

 

*Meanwhile, in the lobby...*

 

Gali1: Hi there! Can I take your order?

 

Lewa: *runs back in* This isn't a fast food place!

 

Gali1: Oh, sorry. Anyway, who are you?

 

Po-Matoran: I'm Tava, and I'm here for job tryouts! I want to get paid in pie!

 

Gali1: Paid in pie? Lewa, what is he talking about?

 

Lewa: Umm...job tryouts? I think you're in the wrong place. Our job tryouts aren't until Chapter 5.

 

Onua: *whispering* Lewa, since when were we having any job tryouts?

 

Lewa: *whispering* The author told me to during the last chapter, which you weren't in.

 

Onua: *whispering* Oh. I see.

 

Lewa: Anyway, Tava, why don't you come back next chapter? And if you see any BZP members, tell them to swing by too!

 

Tava: Okay! Bye!

 

*Tava runs off*

 

Tahu: That was odd. Anyway, what now?

 

Lewa: I guess we just get back to our jobs.

 

Gali2: But we still haven't fixed the pool problem!

 

Lewa: Well, the pool problem never got fixed in the original version of this chapter that this one's based on, so I guess it's just a plothole.

 

Lewa0111: Hey, no breaking the fourth wall!

 

All Toa Nuva (which includes Takanuva now, ha!): HYPOCRITE!

 

Lewa: Well, I'm off to my Manager's suite now, bye! *takes the elevator up to the top floor*

 

Gali2: The pool still needs fixing, though, plotholes or no.

 

Gali1: Well, after today's profits come in, we can send in our water bill. Then we can take care of the pool issue after this chapter is over.

 

Gali2: Good idea. Let's just go back into ourselves for now.

 

*They fuse back together just as another knock is heard at the door*

 

Kopaka: We need a door chime.

 

*Roodaka and Sidorak walk in*

 

Gali: :bigeek: YOU!? But I thought you two were dead!

 

Sidorak: No, that was just for the movie. We'd like enough rooms for 1,000 please.

 

Gali: But I only see two of you...

 

*Sidorak gestures, and 998 Visorak enter*

 

Gali: Umm, one moment please. (To Takanuva) What do we do now? We're completely full!

 

Takanuva: Ask them how much they'll pay.

 

Gali: Good idea. (To Roodaka and Sidorak) How much will you pay?

 

Sidorak: We can pay you W9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999. Is that enough?

 

Gali: I still don't know, that isn't quite enough...

 

Roodaka: (whispering to Sidorak) You forgot the bonus!

 

Sidorak: What bonus? Oh yeah. We'll also add in W3.141592653589793223...

 

*Five hours later...*

 

Sidorak: ...82397498702709687209769872694187306987483976018723964098672098764098721...

 

Roodaka: Sidorak, pi goes on forever!!

 

Sidorak: :OMG: IT DOES!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

Roodaka: :facepalm:

 

Gali: That isn't a real emoticon.

 

Roodaka: WHO ASKED YOUR OPINION? Anyway, we'll throw in pi widgets in addition to our original payment.

 

Gali: Wow! (To Takanuva) I wasn't sure at first, but how can we resist pi widgets?

 

Takanuva: I agree, that's the best deal ever!

 

Gali: (To Roodaka and Sidorak) Okay, wait just one moment.

 

*Gali activates the intercom system and speaks into the microphone*

 

Gali: Attention, all Matoran must leave the hotel immediately! There's an...umm...invasion of...cheese...monkeys coming!

 

*The Matoran all run out of the hotel screaming like Ga-Matoran (and some who are actual Ga-Matoran)*

 

Gali: Okay, you can stay, Roodaka and Sidorak.

 

Roodaka: Yes! You see, Sidorak, my plans are always foolproof.

 

Sidorak: But what does this have to do with conquering Metru Nui?

 

Roodaka: I...have absolutely no idea.

 

*Roodaka, Sidorak, and the 998 Visorak all go into the hotel rooms*

 

Gali: Just a typical day at The Nuva Inn, huh?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!

 

END

 

Onua: Hey, Narrator! You forgot the "the!"

 

Narrator: The what?

 

Onua: The "the!"

 

Narrator: The "the" what?

 

Onua: Yes!

 

Narrator: Yes what?

 

Onua: No, the "the!"

 

Narrator: The "the" what?

 

Onua: Exactly!

 

Narrator: Exactly what?

 

Onua: No, "the!"

 

Narrator: "The Exactly?"

 

Onua: You're hopeless.

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,650 words.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 26 2014 - 02:13 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#13 Offline Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

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Posted Oct 20 2011 - 09:56 PM

Um...if there are four beds per room, wouldn't they only need 251? (assuming Roodaka and Sidorak have a room for themselves.) Anyhow, I can tell you've been updating chapters. Most of these came out originally before some of the mentioned additions.
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#14 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 21 2011 - 12:44 AM

Thanks for the reply! And Visorak are picky, they like to have their own rooms. Next chapter!

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 5: A Play

 

Onua: "A Play?" Why, Narrator, why??"

 

Narrator: Oh, come on? What's so bad about plays?

 

Onua: I can't act!

 

Narrator: Who said you'll be acting in the play?

 

Onua: The fact that you asked that question proves it.

 

Narrator: You sure are cynical today.

 

Onua: I just don't like theater, okay?

 

Nuju: The correct grammatical form of that sentence should be "I merely do not enjoy theatre."

 

Onua & Narrator: NERD!

 

Nuju: :(

 

*Nuju leaves*

 

Narrator: ...Wow, you actually agreed with me on something, Onua?

 

Onua: Eh, don't read too much into it. It was a one-time thing.

 

Narrator: Stop with the Emperor's New Groove references and let's just get on with the chapter!

 

Onua: Fine!

 

Narrator: Today, Gali1 is in the hotel lobby, working the front desk. It's just a typical day in The Nuva Inn.

 

*A Matoran walks in*

 

Gali1: Hello, can I take your order? ^_^

 

Lewa: (whispering) This isn't a fast food place!

 

Gali1: Yes it is!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

 

Matoran: Umm...okay...

 

*Pohatu goes flying out of the elevator, landing with several thousand rocks on his head*

 

Pohatu: Kopaka! What have I told you about mopping the elevator floor with that Extra-Slippery Stuff™?

 

Tahu: BURN STUFF!

 

*The kitchen erupts into a gigantic fireball*

 

Narrator: Like I said, it's just a normal day at The Nuva Inn.

 

Tahu: Umm, I accidentally burnt down the kitchen again. Takanuva, do you mind?

 

Takanuva: *sighs* Fine. Here you go.

 

*Takanuva rebuilds the kitchen instantly with his light powers*

 

Gali1: (To Matoran) Thank you, you're in room 7832.

 

Matoran: You're welcome.

 

Pohatu: Hey, there isn't anything funny or random going on in this scene! I thought this was a comedy!

 

Narrator: You want funny and random, you've got it!

 

*The Teletubbies appear and start singing random songs, causing all of the Nuva to cover their ears*

 

Pohatu: Noooooooo! Make it stop!

 

Narrator: But I thought you wanted more humor and randomness in the comedy!

 

Pohatu: Not like that! It's horrible!

 

Narrator: Fine, have it your way.

 

*The Teletubbies vanish*

 

All Toa Nuva: :blink:

 

*The elevator dings, and Lewa exits into the lobby*

 

Lewa: Hi, everyone. What was with that horrible screeching I heard earlier?

 

Gali1: Teletubbies. Don't ask.

 

Lewa: Okay then. By the way, what happened to all of those Visorak from the end of the last chapter?

 

Tahu: They ran out of widgets, so I...persuaded them to leave. :evilgrin:

 

Onua: Remind me never to make you angry, Tahu.

 

Lewa: Well, if we couldn't let the Visorak stay, then how will we keep making money now? We kicked out all of our guests for them and everything!

 

Gali1: We need a better idea to bring customers to our hotel, rather than The Hotel Next Door.

 

Lewa: I don't see what's so great about that hotel. I mean, come on, at least we aren't obviously EVIL or anything!

 

Pohatu: Who ever said The Hotel Next Door was evil?

 

*They all look over at a Matoran going into The Hotel Next Door*

 

Makuta Teridax: MWA HA HA HA! Come into my lair, foolish Matoran! And once here...YOU SHALL NEVER LEAVE!

 

Pohatu: :mellow: Never mind, I see your point.

 

Lewa: So, ideas to attract customers...Hey, I've got it!

 

Gali1: An idea to attract customers?

 

Lewa: No, a way to get an idea to attract customers! Tahu, as manager, I order you to come up with an idea. 

 

Tahu: Why me? Lewa: Because you burned down the kitchen a few lines ago.

 

Tahu: Okay, that makes sense...not.

 

Lewa: Oh, just start thinking! I'll be in my Manager's suite doing manager-y things. Come find me when you've got an idea.

 

*Lewa takes the elevator back up*

 

Gali1: *shrugs* What a weirdo. Good luck, Tahu!

 

Tahu: Gee, thanks...

 

*Five hours later, in Lewa's Manager suite...*

 

Lewa: What's taking him so long?

 

*Tahu enters*

 

Tahu: Hi, Lewa. I found an idea!

 

*Lewa hides the smoothie he was drinking behind his back*

 

Tahu: I love drinking smoothies behind my back, too. Sipping a straw through my neck gears is such a cool feeling!

 

Lewa: Wordplay in script? Huh, never seen that before.

 

Lewa0111: Yeah, I'm just awesome like that. B-)

 

Lewa: Now you're turning into Matau.

 

Matau: HEY! *disappears*

 

Tahu: Uh...that was odd. Anyway, I've got an idea! We could put on a play as part of a promotional campaign for the hotel.

 

Lewa: Surprisingly, that's actually a pretty good idea. I never would have expected it from you, Tahu!

 

Tahu: Well, I was the one who came up with this hotel idea in the first place...

 

Lewa: No you didn't! That was all me!

 

Tahu: Yeah, okay, believe what you like. But hang on, if you didn't think I could come up with good ideas, then why did you ask me to think of the idea?

 

Lewa: Because...umm...you are...very...firey! Yeah! Firey!

 

Tahu: Thanks! :D

 

Lewa: Come on, let's go downstairs and tell the other Toa!

 

*A few minutes later, back in the lobby...*

 

Lewa: So, fellow Toa Nuva, Tahu came up with a great idea! And that idea is--

 

*Random Matoran #35 walks down the stairs*

 

RM#35: Excuse me, but where's the bathroom?

 

Kopaka: Isn't there a bathroom in your room?

 

Takanuva: Apparently no.

 

Kopaka: Apparently AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!

 

Gali: Third door on the left.

 

RM#35: Okay!

 

*Random Matoran #35 goes back upstairs*

 

Gali: That was random. 

 

Onua: I never knew BIONICLE characters used bathrooms.

 

Lewa: Anyway, as I was saying, our idea was to do a play! We can use it as part of a promotional campaign to advertise our hotel!

 

Gali: That's...actually a surprisingly good idea.

 

Tahu: So, yeah, let's do a play!

 

Takanuva: On what, though?

 

Tahu: Let's do a play!

 

Takanuva: A play on doing a play? :blink:

 

Gali: Tahu, you already said "let's do a play." Twice, in fact.

 

Tahu: Oh. Sorry.

 

Lewa: We could make the play about a mask of light, maybe.

 

Gali: But isn't there already a movie?

 

Onua: Yes, and there's also a book.

 

Takanuva: And a Mask of Light on Ice.

 

Kopaka: There is? I never knew that!

 

*Kopaka runs out the door*

 

Gali: Since when was there a Mask of Light on Ice?

 

Takanuva: Since five seconds ago when I felt like getting rid of Kopaka.

 

Gali: Ah. I see.

 

Lewa: Well, anyway, there's still no play version of Mask of Light! Let's do it!

 

Onua: NO! I can't act! I hate plays!

 

Tahu: Neither can I. Let's do something else instead.

 

Lewa: :blink: But you're the one who came up with this idea in the first place!

 

Tahu: So?

 

Lewa: *sighs* Never mind. Let's just take a vote.

 

*A large poll box appears and all of the Toa Nuva write down their votes on slips of paper, depositing them in the box*

 

Lewa: Okay, so are everyone's votes in? Good, let's count the votes. Gali, would you do the honors?

 

Gali: Sure. *opens the box and begins counting votes* The first vote is...Yes. One vote in favor of doing the play. The next vote...is no. One vote in favor, one vote against. The next vote is--

 

Pohatu: Will you just get on with it!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks together! :D

 

Narrator: Fine. Since you're so impatient, I guess I'll fast-forward the rest of the vote counting.

 

*Everything suddenly zooms by extremely fast with the Toa all talking in squeaky chipmunk voices, then stops as soon as Gali finishes counting the votes*

 

Gali: ...And the final count is a tie!

 

Lewa: A tie? But now what do we do?

 

Gali: Oh, wait, I forgot to put my other self's vote in.

 

*Gali splits into two and Gali2 puts her vote in, then they fuse back together*

 

Gali: Okay, well, counting Gali2's vote...it's in favor! The final vote is that we do the play!

 

Onua: Noooooooo!

 

Lewa: Just deal with it. It's to bring in more customers, remember?

 

Onua: Oh, fine.

 

*Random Matoran #35 walks out of the elevator*

 

RM#35: Excuse me, but where's the elevator?

 

Lewa: :blink: You just came out of it.

 

RM#35: I know, but now I can't find it!

 

All Toa Nuva: Umm...okay...

 

*Random Matoran #35 walks off somewhere*

 

Lewa: Anyway, let's get back to business! We

 

*one second later*

 

Lewa: should

 

*one second later*

 

Lewa: start

 

*one second later*

 

Narrator: Hey, Caption Writing Guy, knock it off. Nobody likes to read a new caption every second!

 

*But it's fun!*

 

Narrator: So? It detracts from the performance!

 

Jack: Yeah!

 

Narrator: Who are you?

 

Jack: I'm Jack!

 

* :blink: *

 

Narrator: That was odd.

 

*What was, my caption or Jack?*

 

Narrator: Both, actually. Will you just get back to doing captions normally now?

 

*Oh, fine.*

 

Lewa: ...by choosing who plays which parts! Gali, you can be Gali.

 

Gali: How come I have to be Gali?

 

Lewa: Because you are actually Gali in real life, so it makes sense.

 

Gali: But I wanted to be Hahli!

 

Lewa: Fine, just play both parts.

 

*Gali splits into two again*

 

Lewa: That still weirds me out. Anyway, I will play myself.

 

Tahu, you can be yourself.

 

Kopaka, you can be yourself.

 

Pohatu, you can be yourself.

 

Takanuva, you can be Takua.

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

 

Lewa: What's so bad about playing Takua?

 

Takanuva: I don't want to be a Matoran again!

 

Lewa: But Takua's the main character! And besides, you get to play yourself at the end that way.

 

Takanuva: Okay, fair enough. 

 

Onua: But who will play Makuta?

 

Lewa: You will.

 

Onua: Why me?

 

Lewa: Because you're the only one with the right color scheme, obviously.

 

Onua: But then who will play me?

 

Lewa: Umm...huh, never thought of that. You can't by chance pull a Gali and split into two, can you?

 

Onua: Nope, sorry.

 

Lewa: Darn it! Wait, I have an idea. Your stunt double can play you!

 

Onua: I have a stunt double?

 

*Zaktan appears*

 

Zaktan: Where do you keep your trash cans? I want to shove Tahu in one!

 

Lewa: Over there. Good timing, though, we need you to play Onua for us.

 

Onua: He's my stunt double?

 

Lewa: Yep!

 

Onua: No way, pick someone else to be my stunt double!

 

Zaktan: Hey, what's wrong with having me as a stunt double?

 

*Zaktan stuffs Onua into the trash can along with Tahu, then vanishes*

 

Lewa: Great. Now who can play Onua?

 

*Toa Whenua walks in*

 

Whenua: I'm lost.

 

Pohatu: No, you're Whenua.

 

Whenua: And I'm lost!

 

Pohatu: You have two names? Weird.

 

Whenua: Never mind.

 

Lewa: Want to be Onua's stunt double, Whenua?

 

Whenua: Sure, I have nothing better to do anyway.

 

Lewa: Awesome, thanks!

 

Gali1: That was awfully convenient. What about extras?

 

*Lewa runs outside, sets up a sign on the side of the hotel, then comes back in, followed by a large crowd of Matoran, Toa, and other various MU species*

 

Lewa: Taken care of.

 

Gali1: But who will play Nokama?

 

Lewa: You will.

 

Gali1: But I thought I was already playing myself and Hahli!

 

Lewa: Can't you just make another one of yourselves?

 

Gali1: Nope, 2's the limit, sorry.

 

Lewa: Oh. Really? Well, in that case...umm...We'll work something out, don't worry!

 

Takanuva: What about Jaller?

 

Lewa: He can play Jaller!

 

*Lewa points to the front door, where Tava from the previous chapter just walked in*

 

Tava: I'll play Jaller! Can I get paid in pie?

 

Lewa: Sure. All right, let's get this started! First rehearsal is tomorrow! Great job, everyone!

 

Gali1: But we didn't actually do anything...

 

THE END

 

Onua: This was the worst chapter ever! First I get stuck doing a play, which I hate, then I find out I have a stunt double, who I hate, then I get shoved into trash cans, which I hate, along with Tahu, who I hate, and then I have to go to rehearsal tomorrow! WHY ME?

 

Narrator: That's what you get for arguing with the narrator so often!

 

Onua: I hate you.

 

Narrator: I know. :D

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,999 words.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 26 2014 - 03:46 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#15 Offline Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

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Posted Oct 21 2011 - 10:29 AM

That's a long chapter... Anyhow, a play, eh? (ack, bad rhyme) I wonder if it will turn out better than the last one...
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#16 Offline Darth Jaller

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Posted Oct 21 2011 - 04:40 PM

Hey, Lewa0111, good to see you're still around ^^ I've got to say, I found this just as enjoyable as I found the original when I first read it - you got me laughing out loud a few times throughout these chapters - and since my sense of humour has improved since then, I can safely say that marks the comedy as much better than its predecessor, too. Looking forward to seeing more of it.
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#17 Offline ~Darok~

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Posted Oct 22 2011 - 03:49 AM

I remember reading the original The Nuva Inn years ago back when i was still a guest and laughing and laughing again! I'm gad with the forums finally back we still have reminders of how great bzpower was with people re-posting -- or remaking -- heir old work. Hilarious stuff! Keep up the good work!
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"You have to wonder at times what you're doing out there. Over the years, I've given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement." - Steve Prefontaine


#18 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 22 2011 - 01:30 PM

Thanks for the replies, everyone! Sorry about no new chapter yesterday, I was very busy and didn't have time to write one. So, today, I'll update twice to make up for it (once now and once tonight!)

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 6: Pools, Rooms, and a Giant Inflatable Monkey (Well, minus the Giant Inflatable Monkey...)

 

Narrator: We join the Toa Nuva as...

 

*silence*

 

Narrator: ...What, Onua, no protests about my intro today? Come to think of it, where is Onua, anyway?

 

*He's busy rehearsing for the play!*

 

Narrator: Oh, right. Thanks, Caption Writing Guy!

 

*No problem*

 

Narrator: Wow, no Onua...what an awesome feeling! I can finally start the introduction properly, with no random gibberish beforehand!

 

*Except that you just did put in random gibberish beforehand by talking to me about where Onua was.*

 

Narrator: ...GAH! Anyway, we join the Toa Nuva during their rehearsal for their upcoming production of Mask Of Light: The Play.

 

*In the auditorium that Takanuva newly created a few seconds ago...*

 

Lewa: CUT! You're doing this all wrong! Takanuva, can't you learn to memorize your lines for once?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

 

Takanuva: Lewa, how am I supposed to memorize this script? All you did was draw a picture of the Avohkii on a tablet!

 

Lewa: Well, writing an actual script is hard!

 

Tahu: Oh, come on! Even I could do better than that!

 

Lewa: Fine, prove it, then.

 

Tahu: Gladly!

 

*Tahu takes Takanuva's "script," sets it on fire, then hands him the ashes*

 

Tahu: See? I made an improvement! :D

 

Lewa: :facepalm:

 

Gali1: There is no such emoticon!

 

Lewa: Well, there should be. Anyway, seeing as Tahu burnt the script, do you want to help me write a new one?

 

Gali1: Sorry, I have to go work the front desk. The hotel is opening now. But Kopaka can help you, right, Kopaka?

 

Kopaka: *sigh* Fine. Lewa, let's go.

 

Lewa: Okay! Gali1, just be back here as soon as the front desk closes, okay?

 

Gali1: Sure.

 

*Gali1 leaves the auditorium*

 

Lewa: Okay, Kopaka, let's sit down and work on this script.

 

*Meanwhile, in the lobby...*

 

Random Ko-Matoran (RKM): Finally, someone gets here! I've been waiting behind this front desk for hours!

 

Gali1: :blink: Umm...the front doors only just now opened.

 

RKM: I know, but somebody left the doors unlocked, so I came in anyway!

 

Gali1: Somebody forgot to lock the doors? ...POHATU!!

 

*Pohatu runs in using his Kakama*

 

Pohatu: What?

 

Gali1: You forgot to lock the doors last night, didn't you?

 

Pohatu: That's not my job though!

 

Gali1: Yes it is, you're the bellbottom!

 

Pohatu: First of all, it's bellboy, and secondly, I didn't know locking the door was in my job description.

 

Gali1: According to Lewa it is.

 

Pohatu: Fine. I'll remember to lock the doors tonight, sorry. Bye!

 

*Pohatu runs off*

 

Gali1: Sorry about that, and--hey, what do you think you're doing?

 

*The Ko-Matoran is behind the front desk*

 

RKM: I'm the front desky person now, ha!

 

Gali1: You're not a girl! And besides, customers aren't allowed to come back here! Go back around to the other side.

 

RKM: Make me!

 

Gali1: Gladly!

 

*Gali1 blasts the Ko-Matoran with water, sending him flying to the other side of the lobby*

 

RKM: >:( Ouch! Is that any way to treat a customer?

 

Gali1: Yes, if that customer is trying to steal my job! Anyway, hello, can I take your order?

 

RKM: Um...this isn't a fast food place, you know. My name is Blue Eyes Commander, or BEC for short. I'd like to rent out every room on the 1,344th story.

 

Gali1: :blink: All the rooms? Okay then, that'll be 99,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 widgets. (thinking) He'll never be able to afford that!

 

BEC: Here you go, one check for 99,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 widgets.

 

Gali1: :bigeek: Wow, where did you get all of that money?

 

BEC: I took out a maximum loan from every bank on Mata Nui! :D

 

Gali1: But we're on Metru Nui.

 

BEC: So? Anyway, I'd also like one of those rooms I rented out to have a pool built into it.

 

Gali1: Yay, more pools! :happydance: 

 

*Gali activates her "Literally Instant Party Mix" and starts dancing to the party music*

 

BEC: :blink: Is something wrong? *Gali1 hides the party mix and stops dancing*

 

Gali1: Umm...no, nothing's wrong...By the way, what do you need so many rooms for, anyway?

 

BEC: All my friends!

 

*Thousands of BIONICLE characters of various species come running in behind him*

 

Gali1: Fine, here you go.

 

*Gali1 hands him a huge stack of key cards*

 

BEC: Woohoo! Let's go, guys!

 

Gali1: (thinking) That was the strangest thing I have ever seen.

 

*In the Manager's suite...*

 

Kopaka: Who knew writing a script was so hard?

 

Lewa: See, I told you so! This isn't easy at all! There's got to be some easier way to do this; I mean, it didn't take them that long to write the script for the original movie!

 

Kopaka: Hey, wait, that gives me an idea.

 

Lewa: What, a way to write the script faster?

 

Kopaka: No, a way to not have to write anything! Why don't we just watch the original film with subtitles on and then copy the script from the subtitles?

 

Lewa: Good idea, but isn't that plagiarism?

 

Kopaka: It would be, except that there's no such thing as plagiarism in BIONICLE.

 

Lewa: :evilgrin:

 

*Later, in the lobby...*

 

Gali1: ...and so then he brings in this giant stampede of thousands of guests! I'm telling you, he's strange.

 

Tahu: Our whole life has been strange ever since we started this hotel. First monkeys as construction workers, then Nidhiki and Krekka, then Livna, then Takanuva Nuva, then this stupid play, and now this BEC character shows up! Our lives in general are just strange.

 

Takanuva: Yeah, well, I have a theory that this is because we're all part of a comedy on a web site called BZPower, written by Lewa0111 Nuva, titled "The Nuva Inn."

 

Gali1: That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard in my life.

 

*Laterer, on the 1,344th story...*

 

Nuju: Hey! According to Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary, "laterer" is not a proper English word!

 

*NERD!*

 

Nuju: :(

 

*Nuju vanishes*

 

BEC: Woohoo! This pool is awesome! Hey, all blue guys, come in and join me!

 

*All of the blue characters with BEC jump into the pool*

 

BEC: Isn't this awesome?

 

Random Gahlok #257: I love water! And swimming! And being stereotypical!

 

BEC: Umm...sure, whatever. Hey, wait, do any of you hear something? Like a cracking sound?

 

Random Guurahk #3: What kind of cracking sound?

 

BEC: A sound like the bottom of the pool about to split in half due to the weight of so many characters in the pool and...oh, wait...

 

*Predictably, the bottom of the pool splits in half due to the weight of so many characters in the pool*

 

BEC: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

 

Kopaka: Hey, stop stealing my line! :burnmad:

 

*The combination of the collapsing pool and the "burnmad" emoticon explodes a hole in the hotel, causing the pool to fall all the way down to the lobby*

 

Pohatu: What's that up there? Oh no...

 

*The pool lands on Pohatu*

 

Pohatu: AAAH! HELP! I CAN'T SWIM!!11!!1!one!!1oneone!!1!monroe!1111

 

Gali2: Don't worry, I'm the lifeguard, I'll help you!

 

*Gali2 pulls Pohatu out of the 1-inch shallow end*

 

Pohatu: Thanks. I hate water, especially wet water.

 

Gali2: :blink: As opposed to dry water?

 

BEC: *still swimming* Awesome, that was the best waterslide ever! Can we do that again?

 

All Toa Nuva: NO!!

 

BEC: Aww, you're no fun.

 

Gali1: All right, you're paying for all of this damage, BEC.

 

BEC: That's okay, I was planning to check out anyway. Here's more money from those loans I took out!

 

*BEC and company run out of the hotel*

 

BEC: Oh yeah, and by the way, there are no banks on Mata Nui!

 

Gali1: Metru Nui.

 

BEC: Whatever. Bye!

 

Lewa: What?? That guy ripped us off! After him, my minions!

 

*Lewa whistles, and the army of monkeys from Chapter 1 chase after BEC and company*

 

Lewa0111: NOTE: The following scene is much too violent for BZPower's rules and guidelines. Therefore, the chapter will now end.

 

THE END

 

Onua: Hey! I never got a single line in this chapter, what gives?

 

Kohrak-Kal: Yeah, neither did I! Come on, Narrator, stop ignoring us!

 

Onua: :blink: You're not even in this comedy, Kohrak-Kal, go home.

 

Korahk-Kal: But I was agreeing with you! Come on, I want to be in this comedy!

 

Narrator: Oh, shut up, both of you.

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,363 words.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 26 2014 - 03:53 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#19 Offline Darth Jaller

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Posted Oct 22 2011 - 03:04 PM

Heh, I'd forgotten how much I missed this comedy. This is just wonderful XD I just went back and compared this to the original chapter, and I can safely say that the new version is certainly superior to the first one. The characters have so much more evident personality to them, while still keeping the traits that made them so fun to read about the first time around, and as I said, I look forward to reading more. ...by the way, did I ever GS in the original version? I have a feeling I may have made a very minor appearance as 'Gurak' at one point, but I don't rightly remember. While I don't mind either way, it would be nice if you could confirm that for me, one way or the other - thanks.
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#20 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 23 2011 - 12:07 AM

@Lehu: Yes, you did indeed guest star as Gurak. It was during one of the "Rahkshi Saga" chapters, I believe. And thanks for the review!

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 7: Complete Randomness

 

Onua: "Complete Randomness?" Couldn't that apply to pretty much every chapter?

 

Narrator: Yes, but this chapter will be even more random than usual.

 

Onua: Oh, come on. Randomness is just annoying. I hate chapters that have no plot and don't make any sense!

 

Narrator: Just because it's random doesn't mean this chapter won't have a plot, you know.

 

Onua: Fine, prove it. When has there ever been a time when a plot and randomness existed in the same chapter, ever?

 

Narrator: Try the last six chapters of this comedy, for starters.

 

*silence*

 

Narrator: Thought so. In today's chapter, the Toa Nuva are still rehearsing for their play.

 

*In the auditorium...*

 

Lewa: Well, that takes care of the script! Now for props. Anyone have any good props we can use?

 

Pohatu: I have some carving tools you can use!

 

Lewa: Why would we need carving tools for Mask of Light?

 

Pohatu: I don't know, but I have some! :D

 

Lewa: Never mind. Anyone have anything useful?

 

Onua: How about these kohlii sticks? I found them in the back room.

 

Lewa: Perfect! We need those for the kohlii scene. Now, then, we should--

 

*knock*

 

Lewa: *sighs* Why is it that every time we try to get some work done on this play, someone needs to stay at our hotel?

 

Tahu: Maybe you should have thought of that before you thought of the idea to do a play in the first place.

 

Lewa: Uh, you do realize the play was your idea in the first place, right?

 

Tahu: Oh.

 

Lewa: :facepalm:

 

Gali2: That's not even a real emoticon!

 

Lewa: Yes it is!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

 

Lewa: Oh well, I'll just let your other self handle it, I guess. Now, back to props...

 

*Meanwhile, at the front desk...*

 

Gali1: Hello, can I take your order?

 

Random Toa: This isn't exactly a fast food place...Oh well. Anyway, can I stay at your hotel?

 

Gali1: Sure! Can you tell me your name, please?

 

Random Toa: My name is Ultimato, and I'm the Toa of Transformation!

 

Gali1: Transformation? Yeah right, that's not an element!

 

Ultimato: Fine, I'll prove it. Watch this.

 

*Ultimato transforms himself into a Kikanalo, then into a Pikachu, then into a clone of Gali, then into Barney*

 

Gali: Barney? AAAAAAAAHHH!! Save me! :fear:

 

Ultimato: Sorry.

 

*He transforms back to his default form*

 

Ultimato: Anyway, I'm the Toa of Transformation, and I'd like to rent out every room in the hotel.

 

Gali1: :blink: Okay, then, but it'll cost quite a lot of widgets. And no loans from the nonexistent banks around here, somebody already tried that in the last chapter.

 

Ultimato: Umm...okay, then, fine.

 

*Ultimato uses his powers to make all of the money from inside the cash register fly into his hand, then hands the money back to Gali1*

 

Ultimato: Here you go, is this enough?

 

Gali1: But you just gave me back money that was ours to begin with!

 

Ultimato: Is there a problem with that? :evilgrin:

 

Gali1: Uhh...no...that's really...quite...sure, take the rooms.

 

Ultimato: Great, thanks. Actually, I'm feeling hungry.

 

*pulls out a pie*

 

Tava: PIE!! :br:

 

Gali1: Get out of here, you aren't in this chapter.

 

Tava: Pie?

 

*Ultimato eats his pie*

 

Tava: PIE!! :crying:

 

*Ultimato punches Tava in the face*

 

Gali1: Umm, are you feeling okay, Ultimato?

 

*Ultimato punches Gali1 in the face*

 

Gali1: Okay, okay, fine! I'm sorry I said Transformation wasn't a real element! Happy?

 

*Ultimato punches himself in the face and knocks himself out*

 

Gali1: :blink: Okay then.

 

*Meanwhile, back in the auditorium...*

 

Lewa: Okay, so...sets. Any ideas?

 

Pohatu: How about these?

 

*Pohatu pulls out a large number of Toa Nuva BIONICLE sets*

 

Lewa: Not that kind of sets! I'm talking about sets for theater, like backgrounds.

 

Pohatu: Oh. Never mind, then.

 

Takanuva: I can take care of that! We need a kohlii field, a lava room, Mount Ihu, and the Kini-Nui.

 

*Takanuva blasts random things with light and they turn into the aforementioned set pieces*

 

Lewa: I love that power, it's so awesome!

 

Kopaka: No it's not, it's stupid.

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!

 

Takanuva: Winning arguments with him is so easy!

 

*Suddenly, the sound of a wrecking ball is heard from above, causing the Toa to all run outside to investigate*

 

Lewa: *looks up* What the Karzahni is that?

 

Takanuva: Hey, there's no swearing in BIONICLE!

 

Tahu: *looks up* What the Karzahni is that?

 

Takanuva: There is no swearing in BIONICLE! >:( 

 

Onua: *looks up* What the Karzahni is that?

 

Takanuva: There is no swearing in BIONICLE!

 

Gali2: *looks up* What the Karzahni is that?

 

Takanuva: I said, there is no swearing in BIONICLE! :burnmad:

 

*Takanuva looks up to see a massive wrecking ball demolishing the upper portion of the hotel*

 

Takanuva: What the Karzahni is that?

 

Gali2: Way to contradict yourself, Takanuva.

 

Onua: What's going on here, anyway?

 

Pohatu: Beats me.

 

*The wrecking ball slams into Pohatu*

 

Pohatu: Not the--ouch--kind of--owww--beating--yowch--I meant!

 

*Lewa pulls a megaphone out of nowhere and starts speaking through it to the operator of the wrecking ball*

 

Lewa: Attention, wrecking ball...person...driver...thing! Please cease and desist immediately!

 

Ultimato: (inside wrecking ball cabin) "Cease and desist?" What are you, a cop?

 

Lewa: No, but he is.

 

*Nuparu walks up wearing a police uniform*

 

Nuparu: That's right! I have a degree in law enforcement. Cease and desist immediately!

 

Ultimato: Okay, fine. Just give me one second.

 

*Time suddenly zooms by and all of the rooms are rebuilt twice as good as they were before*

 

All Toa Nuva and Nuparu: :blink:

 

Ultimato: Behold, the power of Time!

 

*Ultimato pulls out the Vahi*

 

Pohatu: Ah, so that's where I left it after Chapter 3...

 

Makuta: (from The Hotel Next Door) Bring me the Mask of Time!

 

Ultimato: No thanks. Whee!

 

*Ultimato slides down the side of the wrecking ball, lands on the ground, then stuffs the wrecking ball machine into his pocket*

 

Lewa: That's one huge pocket...

 

Gali2: Hey, what's that over there?

 

*A giant inflatable monkey starts walking toward them*

 

Giant Inflatable Monkey (GIM): Hi, does anyone here have a giant inflatable banana, by chance? Or some other type of giant inflatable sweet fruit? I'm hungry!

 

Everyone: :huh: ... :???: ... :blink:

 

GIM: Guess that's a no. Darn it.

 

Lewa0111: So that's where that monkey got off to! I was looking for him, he was supposed to show up in Chapter 6!

 

GIM: Well, I should be going. By the way, does anyone want this pizza? I found it back there.

 

Ultimato: Pizza, yay!

 

*Ultimato eats the pizza, then punches the GIM in the face, which causes it to start deflating and hit Ultimato*

 

Ultimato: AAAAAHHHH!!

 

Kopaka: Hey, that's my line!

 

*The deflating GIM flies off into the air with Ultimato stuck to it*

 

Ultimato: I'll be back! With stuff! And...uh...more stuff! And...yeah. Bye! *flies off*

 

Lewa: Wow, talk about a random day. Too bad we didn't get much done about the play, but oh well. Rehearsal will start tomorrow morning, everyone! Bye!

 

THE END

 

Onua: Wow, that really was a random chapter.

 

Narrator: See? Told you so! And it even had a plot!

 

Onua: Only by a very loose definition of "plot."

 

Narrator: Oh, shut up.

 

Nuparu: Well, we should end this chapter for real now. Although it was fun getting an appearance in this chapter...

 

Onua: Hey, what do you think you're doing in this ending sequence? I'm the only one allowed to argue with the narrator!

 

Nuparu: I also have a degree in arguing with Narrators.

 

Onua: *sighs* Why am I not surprised?

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,268 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 26 2014 - 05:17 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#21 Offline Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

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Posted Oct 23 2011 - 09:47 PM

You can get a degree for arguing with narrators? Which college is that, and can I attend?! :) Anyhow, I don't recall them having that much trouble with scripts last time...although I do remember BEC's trouble.
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#22 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 25 2011 - 02:16 AM

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 6: Mask of...Failure?

 

Narrator: In today's chapter, the Toa Nuva are--

 

Onua: Hey, hold it!

 

Narrator: *sighs* What now, Onua?

 

Onua: How is this Chapter 6? It looks a lot like Chapter 8 to me...

 

Narrator: It's Chapter 6, so just shut up!

 

Onua: No, I will not shut up! Last chapter was Chapter 7, and the chapter before that was the real Chapter 6! This is definitely Chapter 8!

 

Narrator: No, it's Chapter 6! I checked the original topic and everything!

 

Onua: Well, does BEC show up, crash a pool through the hotel, and pay Gali1 with nonexistent money in this chapter?

 

Narrator: Well...no...but...

 

Onua: Then it's not Chapter 6.

 

Narrator: Fine, it's Chapter 8. Happy?

 

Onua: No, I want you to redo the title card!

 

Narrator: Very well, if it'll stop you from complaining any more...

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 8: Happy Now, Onua?

 

Onua: Yes!

 

Narrator: Good, now let's get on with the story! In today's chapter, the Toa Nuva are busily preparing for the upcoming premier performance of--

 

Onua: Hey, how come we skipped right to the performance? What about all of our hilarious rehearsals?

 

Narrator: Because if we'd spent several chapters of nothing but rehearsals, it would have been boring for the people to read!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Narrator: Hey, there's only one Toa Nuva allowed in this starting thing at a time!

 

Onua: Kopaka doesn't count because he was just adding to the running joke, and Takanuva isn't even a Toa Nuva!

 

Narrator: Didn't you read Chapter 4?

 

Onua: *reads Chapter 4* Oh, right, I forgot that he's technically Takanuva Nuva now. Never mind, then.

 

Narrator: Is anything else going to interrupt me now? ...No? Good. Anyway, in today's chapter, the Toa Nuva are busily preparing for their upcoming premier performance of their play, Mask of Light: The Theatrical Production.

 

*On the outside of The Nuva Inn, Lewa is climbing around the walls, putting up signs advertising the play*

 

Lewa: (through randomly appeared megaphone) Attention, all citizens of Metru Nui! Come one, come all, to see the new play BIONICLE: Mask of Light: The Theatrical Production, now premiering at The Nuva Inn! ...Hey, I just realized something. How come we always have to capitalize the letters in BIONICLE?

 

Narrator: Because that's just the way it is! Deal with it.

 

Lewa: But it's boring! Why can't I say "BiOnIcLe" instead?

 

Narrator: Well, you can, if you want to look like a noob...

 

Lewa: Hey, I am not a noob! How dare you, Narrator!

 

Onua: (from the ground below Lewa) Hey, only I'm allowed to argue with the Narrator!

 

Lewa: Oh, shut up, you. Anyway, I only have one more of these signs to hang up!

 

*Lewa glues the sign to the side of the hotel*

 

Lewa: Awesome! Well, that does it for the advertising. I might as well jump down there and help the others get the auditorium ready to begin the play!

 

*Lewa jumps off of the wall...on the 9,321st story.*

 

Lewa: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

 

*SPLAT!*

 

*The other Toa Nuva all rush over to Lewa*

 

Kopaka: Hey, that's my line!

 

Gali: Lewa, are you okay?

 

Lewa: What a ridiculous question! I just fell 9,321 stories and all you can ask is "are you okay?" Talk about an understatement...

 

Gali: Yep, he's okay...

 

*Lewa sighs*

 

Lewa: Well, we might as well get over to the auditorium. We have a play to perform and money to make!

 

Gali: See? Told you he's okay.

 

Onua: No kidding. So much for that 9,321-story drop.

 

Lewa: The Miru is awesome! :D

 

*The Toa Nuva all enter the auditorium, where the other assorted BIONICLE characters who are helping with the play are already waiting*

 

Lewa: Places, everybody! Vakama, get into that harness and be ready for the first scene! Everyone else, get your props ready!

 

Turaga Vakama: Okay, sure. So I just say whatever's in the script, right?

 

Lewa: That's right! Say exactly what's in the script. That goes for everyone else, too!

 

Tava: Got it! When do I get my payment of pies?

 

Lewa: After the play's done, of course!

 

*While everyone is busily getting set up for the play, BEC walks up to Lewa*

 

BEC: Hi, Lewa, I'm back!

 

Lewa: Okay, well, I might as well find a spot for you. I know, you can play Hewkii!

 

BEC: But I'm a Ko-Matoran, not a Po-Matoran!

 

Lewa: Fine, just dump chocolate over yourself and you'll look like a Po-Matoran.

 

*Meanwhile, at the ticket booth...*

 

Gali1: Hello, can I take your order?

 

Random Matoran #35: This isn't a fast food place or a hotel front desk!

 

Gali1: Umm...right. It's W8 per ticket, but W4 for Rahi and Turaga. Matoran under 200 years old get in free!

 

*Much later, the audience is filing in the auditorium.*

 

Random Matoran #35: So this tablet about rocks goes in the blue filing cabinet, and this one about chairs goes in the red...

 

Lewa: *whispering* Vakama! Are you ready?

 

Vakama: Sure, I've got my script taped to the inside of my mask! It's foolproof!

 

Lewa: ...Okay, then...Let's begin!

 

*The curtain comes up to reveal Turaga Vakama, who is strapped to a harness making him look like he is hovering in midair over a circle of stones*

 

Vakama: Gathered friends, listen again to our--

 

*Vakama's script falls out of his mask and lands on the floor*

 

Vakama: Oh, dang nabbit, I've forgotten my line! Anyway...umm...uh...the legend of...

 

Lewa: (whispering from offstage) Use the spare script! :lookhere:

 

Gali2: (whispering) You just wanted an excuse to use that weird emoticon.

 

Lewa: Let's disco! :afro:

 

Gali2: You're weird.

 

Lewa: Take me to your leader... :alien:

 

Vakama: (muttering) Oh, right, the spare script! (out loud) Gathered friends, listen again to our legend of the BIONICLE, with the letters that are always capitalized. In the time before time, the Great Toa Lewa descended from Le-Koro like an awesome hero, bringing we, the ones called the Not-Toa-Lewas, to...

 

Lewa: Uh...whoops, that's not the spare script...that's my script. I know because I made those "edits," hehe...

 

Gali2: Are all Toa of Air as egotistical as you are, Lewa?

 

Lewa: If you want to see egotistical, Ask Matau!

 

Onua: Obvious advertising is obvious. 

 

Vakama: ...But Makuta was jealous of how awesome Toa Lewa was and betrayed him, casting a spell over Toa Lewa, who was forced to give up his role as leader to Tahu. But soon, he would regain his role with the arrival of Zaktan. "Bionicle." "Play starts here."

 

Lewa: Onua, cue the music!

 

Onua: Got it!

 

*Onua puts Mask of Light: The Soundtrack into his boom box and plays the opening theme*

 

Random Matoran #35: I love this song!

 

*Vakama is hoisted back up out of sight, and Tava, wearing a cardboard cut-out of a golden Hau over his regular mask, walks onstage*

 

Lewa: Vakama, that was the wrong script!

 

Vakama: Sorry...

 

Lewa: Here, use this script. That one was my personal one.

 

Vakama: Well, that does explain the I love Gali notes written in the margins...

 

*On stage...*

 

Tava: "Takua! Ttttaaaakkkuuuuaaaa!! ...He's got more rocks in his head than a pomatorun."

 

*Takanuva walks up*

 

Takanuva: Hi, Tava. What's a "pomatorun?"

 

Tava: *looks at script* You're supposed to call me "Jaller." As for "pomatorun," I don't know, that's just what it says in the script.

 

Takanuva: Didn't the DVD subtitles make that exact same mistake? Hmm...

 

Tava: I sure hope nobody's been plagiarizing around here...

 

Lewa: :lookaround: Uhh...I think I left a...newspaper...in the oven...bye!

 

*Lewa runs off somewhere*

 

Tava: Anyway, Takanuva, can you move out of the way? I'm trying to find Takua.

 

Takanuva: But I'm Takua!

 

Tava: Really?

 

Takanuva: Just for the play...

 

Tava: So are you really Takua?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

 

Tava & Takanuva: You're not in this scene!

 

Kopaka: Sorry.

 

Takanuva: Look, I'm playing Takua in the play, but I'm Takanuva in real life. Got it?

 

Tava: Sort of.

 

Onua: (from offstage) Will you just get on with it!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

Pohatu: (from offstage) By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks together!

 

Everyone: DON'T USE THAT JOKE!

 

Pohatu: :(

 

Takanuva: Let's just keep going with the script.

 

*Takanuva jumps on several poorly constructed cardboard cut-outs of lava rocks*

 

Takanuva: "Be, Right, There! Haha!"

 

Tava: Why are you saying everything with a capital letter?

 

Takanuva: Because, It's, Fun, To, Talk, Like, This!

 

Tava: *shrugs* Whatever, back to the script. "Very nice. Now let's go!"

 

Takanuva: Wait, I'm, Supposed, To, Find, The, Mask, Of, Light, First.

 

Tava: Please stop talking like that.

 

Takanuva: You're no fun. But seriously, I'm supposed to find the Mask of Light first.

 

Tava: You're wearing it.

 

Takanuva: Oh. Then why does it say to find it in the script if I'm already wearing it?

 

Tava: No idea. Oh well, let's just move on. Tahu, it's your cue!

 

*Tahu runs in from offstage and grabs Takanuva*

 

Takanuva: Umm...Tahu? How are you carrying me like that if I'm taller than you are?

 

Tahu: Mask of Strength. :D

 

Takanuva: You have the Hau, though. Last time I checked, the Hau is the Mask of Shielding, not Strength...

 

Tahu: But according to BIONICLE Chronicles #4, I got all the masks!

 

Takanuva: Okay, fine...

 

*Takanuva secretly pulls a lever on the side of the stage, triggering a lava-fall made out of actual lava to spread across the stage and accidentally into the audience as well*

 

Audience: :onfire:

 

Tahu: "Let's take a closer look at those falls!"

 

*Suddenly, Nidhiki randomly stands up from the audience and shoots green webby stuff everywhere, which stops the lava but also covers all of the scripts except Lewa's in green webbing*

 

Tava: Hey, where'd my lines go?

 

Crowd: Boo! ...Hey, weren't we an "audience" a minute ago, not a "crowd?"

 

Everyone: :blink:

 

Gali: Quick, somebody needs to keep the audience busy while we fix this problem!

 

Tava: Umm...I know! FREE PIES!

 

*Tava pulls a gigantic pie launcher out of nowhere and starts launching pies of various flavors into the crowd*

 

Tava: PI!! 3.141592653589793223...

 

Gali: We'd better call for an intermission while we figure out what to do next. And has anyone seen Lewa?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!

 

Pohatu: Hey, how come I didn't get any lines in this chapter?

 

Onua: You just did.

 

Pohatu: Oh yeah! :happydance:

 

EHT DNE

 

Onua: ...Umm...are you by chance dyslexic, Narrator?

 

Narrator: am I Yes!

 

Onua: :???:

 

Narrator: .pu tuhS

 

Onua: :huh:

 

Narrator: !ydaerla retpahc eht dne tsuj s'tel ,hO

 

Onua: :blink:

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,748 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 26 2014 - 05:30 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#23 Offline Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

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Posted Oct 25 2011 - 10:00 PM

Um, let's see...the gag about the Matoran under 200 getting in free was probably best, but so was the dyslexic narrator. I wonder just how the play will go now...
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#24 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 26 2011 - 01:39 AM

Thanks for replying, Kapurkar! Hmm, wonder where everyone else went. Oh well!

 

(A note: The following chapter is a complete rewrite. The original Chapter 7, a.k.a. Chapter 9, was the chapter with the Emoticon Master, which was 1) a stupid idea, and 2) impossible to pull off with the new forums since it uses too many emoticons. So instead, the new Chapter 9 will be a continuation of the play.)

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 7: Yes, Onua, I Know This Should Really Be Chapter 9

 

Onua: But I didn't even get a chance to say anything yet!

 

Narrator: I know, but you're predictable enough that I knew you'd say something about the numbering being wrong even before I brought it up. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.

 

Onua: You have hands?

 

Narrator: It's a figure of speech, okay!?!?!?!?

 

Pohatu: By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks together!

 

Onua: DON'T USE THAT JOKE!!

 

Pohatu: :(

 

*Pohatu disappears*

 

Narrator: One Toa Nuva messing up my intros is bad enough, thank you. Anyway, we find the Toa Nuva in the auditorium, cleaning off Nidhiki's webbing from their scripts.

 

Pohatu: This webbing won't come off! Help!

 

Lewa: Here, just try grabbing it and pulling it back like this.

 

*Pohatu tries to imitate Lewa, but instead somehow ends up getting the webbing stuck on his head instead of his script*

 

Pohatu: Umm...a little help here?

 

Lewa: At least the script is clean now, right?

 

Tahu: I know how to get rid of this webbing! BURN STUFF!!

 

*Tahu burns the webbing...and his entire script along with it*

 

Lewa: Tahu, what did you do now?

 

*Tahu stares at the pile of ashes in his hand*

 

Tahu: Umm...I can still read it! ...Kinda...okay, not really.

 

Gali: Water's way better than fire for cleaning stuff!

 

*Gali drenches her script in water, turning it into a waterlogged mess of paper*

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Onua: So, Lewa, what do I do now? The audience wants their money back!

 

Lewa: Keep holding those doors shut until we get set up again! They can see the rest of the play after that!

 

Onua: Okay, but these doors are heavy and kinda tough to keep shut...

 

Lewa: Don't you have the Mask of Strength, though?

 

Onua: Oh yeah! :D

 

*Onua activates his mask and slams the doors shut easily*

 

Lewa: Okay, good. Takanuva, how's that stage repair coming?

 

Takanuva: Almost set! I could use some help holding up these beams, though...

 

Lewa: No problem, I'm on it.

 

*Lewa does his MoL whistle, and the horde of monkeys from the first chapter show up and help Takanuva with the construction*

 

Gali: Wow, we haven't seen those monkeys in a while...

 

*Meanwhile, in the auditorium lobby...*

 

Tava: PIE!! Get your pies here! Only W15 per pie, or W3 by the slice!

 

Zaktan: Please throw all wrappers, paper cups, tissues, and annoying people into my trash can when you're finished with them!

 

Nidhiki: Annoying people? Here you go!

 

*Nidhiki tosses Krekka into Zaktan's trash can*

 

Krekka: Duuhhh...why is it so dark and stinky in here? :dunce:

 

Random Matoran #35: This is boring, when will the play start again? I don't remember reading about an intermission this early into the show! Let me check my program...

 

 

 

 

 

Mask of Light: The Theatrical Production

 

Starring: Lewa (as himself)

Other Random People (as assorted characters)

 

ACT 1:

Vakama scene

Takua scene

Kohlii scene

Other Takua scene

Rahkshi scene

LEWA SCENE!! :D

Kopaka scene

Other Rahkshi scene

 

--Intermission--

 

ACT 2:

Makuta scene

Onua scene

Another Rahkshi scene

Jaller scene

Yet Another Rahkshi scene

Takanuva scene (LOL SPOILERS)

Other Makuta Scene

END

 

 

RM#35: Hmm...I wonder how they managed to put an emoticon in a play program? Oh well.

 

*Later, in the auditorium...*

 

Lewa: Okay, everything's been fixed! Gali, have you finished blow-drying your script yet?

 

Gali: Yep, it's dry enough, at least. Let's just restart the play already!

 

Lewa: Good. Onua, you can let everyone back in now! Places everybody!

 

*The crowd enters the auditorium and takes their seats, many of which are covered in webs, pies, webby pies, and piey webs*

 

Lewa: Hey, janitator! Isn't that your job?

 

Kopaka: Oops.

 

*Kopaka runs through the auditorium super-fast, cleaning all of the seats in a few seconds*

 

Kopaka: Thanks. *hands Pohatu back his mask*

 

Lewa: Oh, whatever, let's just start! Begin the kohlii scene now!

 

*The curtain rises onto a cut-out of a kohlii stadium. Tahu, Gali1, and Pohatu are standing in a line*

 

Turaga Vakama: (announcing from offstage) And let us welcome...TOA TAHU!!

 

*Tahu randomly does a backflip and strikes a hilariously stupid pose involving himself balancing on one foot while rubbing his stomach with his left hand and patting his ears with his right, while sticking out his nonexistent tongue, while wearing his mask on backwards*

 

Audience: :lol:

 

Turaga Vakama: And also...TOA GALI!

 

*Gali1 walks out onto the stage like a fashion model, making cheesy poses and ending with her hands on her hips in a stereotypical "girly" look*

 

Turaga Vakama: And also...TOA PHOUAT!

 

*Pohatu runs so fast onto the stage that he keeps going and runs offstage on the other side. A crash is heard and multiple tires, a piece of protodermis, and a large collection of Kanohi roll back out onto the stage, followed by a dazed Pohatu*

 

Pohatu: Hey, my name's spelled wrong!

 

Turaga Vakama: Well, I forgot how to spell it, sorry.

 

Pohatu: Why is it always me?

 

Lewa: (from offstage) Oh, just get back to the script already!

 

Vakama, Pohatu, Gali, & Tahu: FINE!

 

Gali: Your head is made of steam, Toa of Ashes.

 

Tahu: Well, yours is made of...BOILED WATER! So ha!

 

Gali: Is not! Tahu: Is too!

 

Pohatu: ...Isn't boiled water the same thing as steam? :???:

 

Turaga Vakama: Okay, let's start the kohlii game now!

 

*The Toa all walk offstage, and Tava, Takanuva, Gali2, and BEC enter*

 

Tava: Hang on, I'm not ready.

 

*Tava pulls a massive stack of pies out of nowhere and eats them all in one bite*

 

Tava: Okay, now I am!

 

Turaga Vakama: Let's start!

 

*Takanuva, Gali2, and BEC all cross to the center and attempt to cross their kohlii sticks, but BEC (being the only actual Matoran among the three) just gets smacked on the head by the other two*

 

Takanuva & Gali2: Play well!

 

BEC: Pall lewwy... :dazed:

 

Lewa: (whispering) Onua! Cue the music!

 

*Onua puts Yakety Sax in his omnipresent boom box and plays the music at full blast while Gali2, Takanuva, and Tava run around randomly hitting things with their kohlii sticks onstage. BEC just stumbles about aimlessly, getting stepped on repeatedly by the Toa.*

 

Random Matoran #35: Yakety Sax makes everything funnier! :superfunny:

 

Turaga Vakama: Okay, game over! Ga-Koro somehow wins! ...Even though they only had one player on their team.

 

Gali2: Nice shooting, Hewkii!

 

BEC: Uh...lice...booting...haheel...!!11one...

 

*BEC faints*

 

Lewa: I really should have considered the Toa-Matoran size difference before I casted those roles...

 

Takanuva: Okay, let's take our bows, everyone!

 

*Takanuva, Tava, and Gali2 hoist the unconscious BEC between them and maneuver him into a bowing position, then they take their own bows*

 

Turaga Vakama: :OMG: It's the Mask of Light!

 

Takanuva: Where?

 

Everyone Else: You're wearing it, moron!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHH!!

 

Gali2: We've been over this. Yes you are!

 

Takanuva: But the script says it falls out of my bag when I take my bow! How is it supposed to fall out of my bag if it's on my face?

 

Gali2: No idea. Just pretend it's there.

 

Takanuva: Oh, okay then.

 

*They all bow, and Takanuva pretends to kick the invisible Mask of Light toward Tava*

 

Random Matoran #35: Hey, they're bowing? Does that mean the play's over?

 

Lariska: This play was way too short for the money I paid! I'm going home!

 

Makuta Bitil: Yeah! Come on, 99 billion clones of me! Let's go!

 

*The entire audience starts to leave*

 

Lewa: Hey! That wasn't the bow to end the show, that was just part of the play! Don't go!

 

Takanuva: Huh. You'd think they'd notice we only did three actual scenes...

 

Lewa: My audience! WAAAAAHHH!! :crying:

 

*The 2 Galis fuse back together*

 

Gali: Hey, don't worry! On the bright side, we still have all the money we made!

 

Lewa: MONEY!! :happydance:

 

Gali: Yep, he's feeling okay.

 

Onua: So, should we keep going with the play, then?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

 

Lewa: *shrugs* We can always pick it up again some other time. For now, we should probably just get back to running the hotel normally.

 

Onua: I never knew "normally" and "The Nuva Inn" went together...

 

Lewa: You know what I mean. Normal for us.

 

Gali: Which is also known as "utterly ridiculous and random."

 

Lewa: Well, yeah, but it's normal utterly ridiculous and random.

 

Gali: That makes no sense.

 

Lewa: Oh, be quiet and help me clean this auditorium up.

 

THE END

 

Narrator: Interesting chapter, huh?

 

Onua: No, it was way too off-topic! I mean, we're not even 10 chapters in yet and already we've spent three of those chapters having nothing to do with running a hotel!

 

Narrator: So? At least it adds variety!

 

Onua: Sure, believe what you like...

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,456 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 26 2014 - 05:53 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#25 Offline Darth Jaller

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Posted Oct 26 2011 - 02:57 PM

Heh, great. Maybe it was just because it was entirely new, but that last chapter had me laughing even more than average - keep it up!
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#26 Offline Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

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Posted Oct 26 2011 - 09:32 PM

Ah, that one made me smile...especially the program. How does one put an emoticon in there? Nice job ending the play early. Random Matoran #35 shows up a lot, though.
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#27 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 27 2011 - 12:25 AM

Thanks for the replies!

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 7: ANOTHER Chapter 7? Wow, Lewa0111 Couldn't Count Back Then OR This Is Really Chapter 10

 

Onua: Seriously, Lewa0111 had three Chapter 7s in a row back in the original topic? Talk about sloppy counting skills...

 

Narrator: What does that have to do with me?

 

Onua: Nothing, I just thought I'd point it out. Besides, the worst part is the fact that no one in the original topic even noticed until now.

 

Narrator: Well, at least this remake will let us fix the chapter numbering.

 

Onua: True. Just please don't tell me that the next chapter was originally Chapter 7, too!

 

Narrator: Don't worry, it isn't.

 

Onua: Phew. I was worried there for a moment.

 

Narrator: Well, in this chapter, we begin with the Toa Nuva cleaning up from the play and from all of the other randomness that had happened in the previous two Chapter 7s.

 

Lewa: (speaking through a megaphone) Hotel closed for two days!! Hotel closed for two days!!

 

Gali: Lewa, I think they get the point. Couldn't you just put up a sign instead of shouting it constantly?

 

Lewa: That's a terrible idea! I'm the leader, not you! But I have a better idea. Let's put up a sign that says "Hotel closed for two days" instead of having me shout it constantly!

 

Gali: :facepalm:

 

Onua: We could really use a facepalm emoticon.

 

Takanuva: No.

 

*Kopaka walks through the lobby, sweeping up pie crumbs and other random junk left over from the refreshment stands*

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Gali: Wow, what convenient timing on your part, Kopaka.

 

Kopaka: Well, I just finished janitating all of the rooms in the hotel, including the new auditorium we used for the play. ...Hey, what are they doing here?

 

Krekka: Gimme some cauliflower!

 

Onua: Hey, that's the subtitle of the original topic!

 

Nidhiki: (to Krekka) I already told you, you don't even like cauliflower!

 

Krekka: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhh...I don't? :dunce:

 

Lewa: Well, it's just too bad that the play's over. Now how will we make any more money?

 

Krekka: Huh? I missed a play? Nooooooooooo!!

 

Nidhiki: You moron, you were at the play! You were sitting next to me when I sprayed webbing all over the scripts, remember? *sighs* Why do I bother?

 

*Nidhiki runs out the door after Krekka*

 

Gali: That was...random.

 

Pohatu: So, now that the play's over, now what will we do?

 

Tahu: We could--

 

Lewa: Oh, no you don't. No more of your ridiculous ideas.

 

Tahu: Meep.

 

Gali: Lewa, if you're looking for ideas, this is Chapter 9, remember?

 

Lewa: And that's important because...?

 

Gali: You told Tava that we were going to do job tryouts now!

 

Lewa: Hey, that's right, I forgot! Hey, Narrator, can we do job tryoughts now?

 

Onua: > :( I thought I was the one who argues with the Narrator...

 

Narrator: Fine, Lewa, you can do job tryouts, but only if you spell it right.

 

Lewa: "Tryouts."

 

Narrator: Okay, go ahead!

 

Gali: I wonder how he could hear a misspelling?

 

Takanuva: I wonder how we can even hear him, considering he's the narrator?

 

Onua: It's easy to hear him talk. It's getting him to stop that's the trick.

 

Narrator: Oh, shut up, Onua!

 

Onua: See? Told you!

 

Lewa: Whatever, let's just get ready for job tryouts!

 

*Later, Lewa is seated behind a desk in the lobby. A large sign reading "JOB TRYOUTS" is posted outside the hotel, and the other Toa Nuva are doing random things*

 

Random Matoran: Hi! My name is Bob, and I'm here for job tryouts!

 

Lewa: But Bob isn't a Matoran name! Haven't we been over this already?

 

Bob: So? I still want a job!

 

Lewa: No, sorry. NEXT!

 

*An anvil falls on Lewa*

 

Bob: Say hi to Livna!

 

*Bob leaves, and Makuta walks in*

 

Makuta:

 

Lewa: No evil masterminds allowed. NEXT!

 

Makuta: :crying:

 

*Tava walks up*

 

Tava: Hi! "Hi" rhymes with "Pie," did you know that?

 

Lewa: Yes, I did. What can you do?

 

Tava: I can make pie!

 

Lewa: Anything else?

 

Tava: I can also make pizza pie! And I can even recite pi: 3.141592653589793223--

 

Lewa: Okay, okay, that's enough! I'll consider you as a co-chef in the restaurant. Just go into the waiting room for now.

 

Tava: Umm...there is no waiting room... :unsure:

 

Lewa: What, there isn't? Takanuva!!

 

Takanuva: Yes!

 

Kopaka: !!HHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGRRRRRAAAAAAA

 

Everyone Else: :blink:

 

Kopaka: What? "!hgrA" is "Argh!" backwards!

 

Lewa: Anyway, Takanuva, build a waiting room onto the lobby now, please.

 

Takanuva: Fine.

 

*Takanuva zaps the side of the lobby with light and a waiting room appears, which Tava enters*

 

Lewa: Okay, who's up next?

 

*Zaktan walks in*

 

Tahu: Oh, no, not him... :fear:

 

*Zaktan shoves Tahu in a trash can*

 

Zaktan: I'd like a job.

 

Lewa: Hmm...you might be able to do trash duty. Head into the waiting room.

 

Zaktan: Okay!

 

*Zaktan follows Tava into the waiting room, and the Narrator walks in*

 

Narrator: I'd like a job too!

 

Lewa: Wait--but--how can you--but you're already--if the story--narrator--comedy--WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

Pohatu: By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks together!

 

Lewa: Old joke, not funny.

 

Pohatu: :(

 

Narrator: Just because I'm the narrator doesn't mean I can't still get a job, does it?

 

Lewa: But being the narrator already is your job!

 

Narrator: Oh, come on!

 

Lewa: I suppose... *sighs* Go in the waiting room.

 

Narrator: Yay!

 

*The Narrator goes into the waiting room, and BEC enters the lobby*

 

BEC: Hi, I'm here to apply for a job.

 

Lewa: So what can you do?

 

BEC: *shrugs* I don't know, really, but Lewa0111 said that I have to be a PGS. So here I am!

 

Pohatu: "PGS?" What does that stand for, "Purple Grapefruit Salad?"

 

BEC: Nope.

 

Pohatu: "Pineapple Gossip Stares?"

 

BEC: No...

 

Pohatu: "Piggy Giant Soup?"

 

BEC: No, Permanent Guest Star!

 

Pohatu: Oh. That's boring.

 

Lewa: Well, if you have to be a Permanent Guest Star, I guess I don't have much choice. Go into the waiting room.

 

BEC: Yay!

 

*A Piraka named Mights walks in*

 

Mights: MONEY!!

 

Lewa: Hey, you can't get a job here for two reasons: 1) I'm the only money-obsessed character allowed in this comedy, and 2) We already have a Piraka in the waiting room. So, no. Next!

 

Mights: :(

 

*Krekka walks in*

 

Krekka: Is this the cauliflower store?

 

Nidhiki: For the last time, shut up about the cauliflower!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

*Five hours later...*

 

Lewa: No, we don't accept employees who have rubber ducks stapled to their foreheads. NEXT!

 

Gali: That's the last applicant.

 

Lewa: Oh. Well, in that case, it looks like we're down to four contestants! Tava...

 

*Tava stands up, yelling, "PIE!!"*

 

Lewa: ...Zaktan...

 

Zaktan: Vote for me now, or I'll shove you in a trash can!

 

Lewa: ...BEC...

 

*BEC stands up so fast that his mask falls off, but he puts it back on again before he gets knocked unconscious*

 

Lewa: ...and the Narrator. Now, everyone vote. We can only afford to pay two new employees for the time being, so vote for two contestants only! Gali, where's that poll box that we used a few chapters ago?

 

*Gali pulls the poll box out from underneath the front desk and starts collecting votes*

 

Gali: I've got it right here.

 

*Three hours later...*

 

Lewa: ...And the winner is the Narrator, unanimously!

 

Onua: Hey, wait a minute. How can there be only one winner? We were voting for the top two contestants, remember?

 

Lewa: Hey, that's right! Something smells fishy...

 

Narrator: Um...gotta go, bye!

 

Lewa: Well, the Narrator obviously cheated, so he's disqualified.

 

Zaktan is also disqualified for threatening an employee.

 

Tava, you can be the new co-chef of the restaurant, alongside Tahu, and BEC can work the front desk.

 

Gali: Hey! What about me?

 

Lewa: You can just be a lifeguard full time! That way you don't have to worry about splitting yourself into two people all the time. Not to mention that tends to get a bit freaky at times...

 

Gali: Oh, okay then.

 

Lewa: Well, that about wraps it up! Thanks for coming, everyone, and the hotel will reopen in two days!

 

THE END

 

Kohrak-Kal: Hey! I wasn't in this chapter!

 

Narrator: We already discussed this; you're not even in this comedy!

 

Onua: Hey, you know what's weird, speaking of characters not appearing in this chapter? Random Matoran #35 didn't even show up in this chapter once! 

 

Random Matoran #35: Guess who?

 

Onua: Never mind, I stand corrected.

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,393 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 26 2014 - 06:45 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#28 Offline Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

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Posted Oct 27 2011 - 08:41 PM

Welcome, Random Matoran #35! You've appeared in many chapters and are now an official minor character! Boy, that guy shows up a lot. Were there seriously that many Chapter 7's before? Wow, how did I miss that? Ah, narrator, what have you gotten yourself into?
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#29 Offline ShadowBionics

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Posted Oct 28 2011 - 12:20 AM

it's great to see this comedy up and running again. Also good to see you back in commission again. Well, good luck on everything and hope you resume with the comedy as you did back in the days long past.
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The Dimwit of Time Saga
[Skyward Stooge] [The Dimwit of Time] [The Moron's Mask] [Twilight Delinquent] [The Wimp Waker]

[Lewa's Mask Chronicles]

 

[Bionicle: Unsolved Mysteries]

No, I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!


#30 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 28 2011 - 12:26 AM

@Kapurkar: Yeah, I was thinking the same thing when I reread the original topic. (And technically, believe it or not, there were five Chapter 7s, as the "Emoticon Master" chapter got split into 3...)

 

And since this is another "half chapter," there will be no "Ask Matau!" update today.

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE Comedy by Me!

Chapter 10.5: A Pet

 

Onua: "A Pet?" That's the worst idea for a chapter title ever!

 

Narrator: Oh, shut up. This is a half chapter, we don't have a beginning thing!

 

*Onua walks away*

 

Narrator: Today, we find our heroes doing their ordinary hotel jobs, as usual.

 

Random Matoran #442: Hi, can I get a room for one please?

 

BEC: Sureyou'reonthe9,321stfloorjusthavePohatucarryyourbagsupforyou! :br:

 

RM#442: Okay, thanks!

 

Gali: (whispering) Are you sure that giving BEC all those bags of sugar was a good idea, Takanuva?

 

Takanuva: Yes.

 

Kopaka: !!HHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

Gali: :blink:

 

RM#442: Excuse me, bellbottom, could you carry these bags up for me? They contain my precious collections of rocks, anvils, bricks, and weights, so please don't drop them!

 

Pohatu: What floor are you on?

 

RM#442: Floor 9,321. Oh, and I'm taking the elevator now, bye!

 

Pohatu: :OMG: I have to take the stairs?

 

BEC: Apparentlyyoudohavefunclimbingallthosesteps!

 

Pohatu: *groans*

 

*Later...*

 

Pohatu: Phew...finally...made...it...back...down...here...

 

*Pohatu stumbles back into the lobby and faints*

 

BEC: Great, my sugar rush wore off...Does anyone have any more sugar?

 

Takanuva: I do--

 

*Tahu sets Takanuva on fire*

 

Takanuva: :onfire:

 

Gali: No more sugar for him!

 

BEC: Aww, but I'm bored! What should I do now?

 

Onua: Why not look stuff up on the Internet? The front desk has a computer, you know.

 

BEC: Good idea! I'll look up "Things For BEC To Do When He Doesn't Have Sugar."

 

Gali: Somehow I wouldn't be surprised if that website actually existed.

 

*Laterer...*

 

Nuju: Hey, CWG! Use proper grammar!

 

*NERD!*

 

Nuju: :(

 

BEC: Hey, guess what? According to the new website, "Things For BEC To Do When He Doesn't Have Sugar," I should go and get myself a pet! Isn't that a great idea? Let's go to the pet store!

 

Tahu: No!

 

Kopaka: AAAAARRRRRR--oh, wait, sorry. For a second there, I thought you were Takanuva.

 

BEC: But why not, Tahu?

 

Tahu: Because, according to the official contract--

 

Everyone Else: No more contract jokes!

 

Onua: Seriously, those were old in the first chapter.

 

Tahu: Fine. Anyway, I'm the only one allowed to come up with stupid ideas like going pet shopping.

 

BEC: That's a stupid rule! I'm going to talk to Lewa!

 

*BEC storms off and takes the elevator into the Manager's Suite*

 

*In the Manager's Suite...*

 

Lewa: BEC, do you mind explaining why a giant storm cloud just materialized in the lobby? And why are you carrying the elevator into my Manager's Suite?

 

BEC: No idea. :blink:

 

*BEC puts the elevator back*

 

BEC: Anyway, Lewa, I wanted to talk to you. Nobody will give me sugar, and Tahu won't let me go and buy a pet because he says only he's allowed to come up with stupid ideas!

 

Lewa: You just called your own idea stupid...Anyway, I'm the leader, not Tahu! Let's all go to the pet store anyway. Tahu can stay behind and pick up the trash.

 

Zaktan: Did someone say trash? :evilgrin:

 

*Latererer...*

 

Pet Store Owner Looking Manager Guy Cashier/Clerk Type Thing (PSOLMGCCTT): Hi, can I help you?

 

BEC: We're looking for a pet, because I'm bored! And the Internet told me to!

 

PSOLMGCCTT: Umm...that's an...interesting reason...What kind of pet would you like?

 

Lewa: Whatever's cheapest.

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Tahu: A lava eel!

 

Gali: Some kind of fish, maybe?

 

Tava: A pet pie!

 

Everyone Else: :blink:

 

Onua: How about getting the Narrator as a pet?

 

Narrator: Hey! I'm not a pet, I'm the Narrator!

 

Onua: Aww, come on! A pet Narrator would be hilarious!

 

Narrator: No, it wouldn't. Hmmph.

 

BEC: Will you all just shut up!?!?!?!?

 

Pohatu: By the way, I love exclamation--

 

BEC: That means you, Pohatu.

 

Pohatu: :ziplip:

 

BEC: Hmm...I don't want a Rahi, they're too big...no Krana, I don't want my mind controlled, thank you...Bara Magna animals don't exist in the storyline yet...I really can't decide!

 

Muffled Voice From Under The Desk: Hey! Pick me!

 

BEC: What was that?

 

PSOLMGCCTT: Umm...it was...a dust bunny! Yeah! A talking dust bunny!

 

BEC: A talking dust bunny? I want one!

 

PSOLMGCCTT: No...umm...that's a really...why don't you buy a Krana instead? I'm offering a special discount!

 

Lewa: A discount? Sure, we'll take it!

 

*The krana jumps off the shelf and attaches to Lewa's face*

 

Lewa: <CLEANITALLITMUSTBECLEANED>

 

BEC: No, thanks. I want that talking dust bunny!

 

PSOLMGCCTT: *grabs krana off of Lewa* That's a bad idea. Why don't you go home?

 

BEC: Why don't I not?

 

*BEC suddenly shoves the desk over, and sees a Kraata of Plant Control sitting under it*

 

BEC: Hey, you're no dust bunny...

 

KPC: No, I'm not! My name is Fred, and you should buy me!

 

BEC: Why would I want a talking kraata?

 

Fred: Because if you don't buy me, I'll do this!

 

*Vines grow up from out of nowhere and strangle BEC*

 

BEC: Okay, fine, I'll buy you! How much does he cost?

 

PSOLMGCCTT: I already told you, he's not for sale!

 

BEC: You never said anything about violent talking kraata. You only said the dust bunny wasn't for sale.

 

Pohatu: Speaking of which, whatever happened to that dust bunny, anyway?

 

PSOLMGCCTT: Look, you can't buy Fred!

 

BEC: Yes I can! How much?

 

Lewa: Well, he's not answering, so I guess that means we get to pick whatever price we want.

 

And I pick...negative 100,000,000 widgets!

 

PSOLMGCCTT: :OMG:

 

Lewa: I'll take all of your money, thanks.

 

*Lewa empties the cash register and takes all of the widgets*

 

Lewa: Bye!

 

*Back at The Nuva Inn...*

 

BEC: Ah, home sweet home! Anybody have any sugar?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!

 

Tahu: Gali, I order you to replace the pool water with fire.

 

Lewa: You can't do that, I'm the leader! That's insubordination! You're sentenced to trash duty for the next week!

 

Zaktan: Trash?

 

*Zaktan stuffs Tahu in a trash can*

 

Tava: PIE IN THE FACE!!

 

*Tava pies Fred and BEC in the face*

 

Gali: Let's party!

 

*Gali activates her Literally Instant Party Mix*

 

Fred: So, BEC, does this sort of thing happen all the time?

 

BEC: Don't worry, you get used to it.

 

Lewa: This chapter is getting too random. Narrator, will you do the honors?

 

Narrator: Gladly.

 

THE END

 

Fred: But I didn't get many lines!

 

BEC: I just bought you!

 

Fred: Oh, yeah.

 

Onua: I just wish I could have made the Narrator into a pet...

 

Narrator: Don't you dare!

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,051 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 26 2014 - 06:52 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#31 Offline Darth Jaller

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Posted Oct 28 2011 - 02:11 PM

*BEC storms off and takes the elevator into the Manager's Suite* *In the Manager's Suite...* Lewa: BEC, do you mind explaining why a giant storm cloud just materialized in the lobby? And why are you carrying the elevator into my Manager's Suite?

Oh, wow, that was easily my favourite part of the entire chapter - I still love that kind of humour.

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#32 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 28 2011 - 07:34 PM

Thanks, Darth Jaller!

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 11: The Scrambler OR Gullibility Much?

 

Narrator: The Toa Nuva are currently taking some much--

 

BEC: Hey, Narrator, what's a scrambler? Does it make scrambled eggs? You know what's an awesome breakfast? Scrambled eggs with 200 pounds of sugar on top!

 

Onua: :glare: Hey, I'm the only one allowed to criticize the Narrator at the beginning of the chapter!

 

BEC: Sorry, bye!

 

*BEC runs off hyperly*

 

Onua: Anyway, regardless of BEC, what is a scrambler, anyway? That seems like a weird name for a title...

 

Narrator: I already told you, title writing isn't my department!

 

Onua: Okay, fine, I'll go and bother the Title Writing Guy then.

 

Narrator: You can bother him after the chapter ends. For now, you should be in the pool room with the others!

 

Onua: *sigh* If you insist...

 

Narrator: Finally! *clears throat* The Toa Nuva are currently taking some much-needed time off to relax in the hotel's pool...Or, rather, Gali is in the pool, and the rest are just watching.

 

Gali: Oh, come on, you guys are so boring! We finally get a chance to swim since we first built this pool, and you don't even want to go in?

 

Lewa: I honestly don't know why you love water so much. I wouldn't go in that pool if you paid me!

 

Gali: Not even if I paid you W100?

 

Lewa: Money!?!?!?!?!?

 

*Lewa dives into the pool*

 

Pohatu: By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks together!

 

Everyone Else: DON'T USE THAT JOKE!

 

Pohatu: :(

 

Lewa: Help! Help!! I can't swim! I'm drowning! HELP!!

 

Tahu: No, thanks. I'd rather watch, thank you! :popcorn:

 

Tava: Would you jump in too if I paid you, Tahu?

 

Tahu: HAH! No way!

 

Tava: Not even if I paid you in pie?

 

Tahu: Well, I am rather hungry...

 

*Tahu jumps in next to Lewa*

 

Tahu: :OMG: HELP!

 

Gali: :takepic:

 

Lewa: Hey, we're drowning and you stop to take a picture?

 

Gali: You do realize you're in the shallow end, right? Just stand up!

 

*Lewa and Tahu stand up, noticing that the water barely comes up to their knees*

 

Lewa & Tahu: Oh.

 

*Lewa and Tahu climb out of the pool*

 

Gali: Here's the 100 widgets, Lewa.

 

Tahu: So, can I have my pies now?

 

Tava: Sure!

 

*Tava runs into the kitchen, bakes a hundred pies, then runs back and dumps them all on Tahu's head*

 

Tahu: :wacko:

 

Kopaka: This is boring.

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

 

*Kopaka trips and falls into the pool from his screaming, but hits the water with his sword and freezes it before he falls in, turning it into an ice skating rink*

 

Kopaka: Whee!

 

Gali: Hey! You froze me, too! And don't forget, we already have an ice skating rink...

 

Kopaka: I forgot about that one.

 

*Kopaka unfreezes the pool and runs into the ice skating rink room*

 

BEC: That was really random. Anybody got any sugar?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!

 

Lewa: BEC, shouldn't you be at the front desk? We're still open, remember.

 

BEC: Oops... :blush:

 

*BEC runs back to the front desk, where Nuparu is standing impatiently*

 

Nuparu: About time! I've been waiting forever!

 

Fred: Actually, no, you've been waiting for a few minutes. You weren't here before we ran off to the pool.

 

BEC: :blink: You can run? But you don't have any feet...

 

Fred: I didn't mean literally! 

 

BEC: Whatever. (to Nuparu) Anyway, what do you want?

 

Nuparu: I want a million widgets! ...Just kidding. I actually just wanted to show off this new invention I created. I call it the Scrambler!

 

*Nuparu holds up a small walkie-talkie looking device with a button on it*

 

Fred: You randomly walk into hotels and show off your inventions?

 

Nuparu: Pretty much, why, what's wrong with that?

 

Fred: :blink:

 

*The Toa Nuva enter the lobby*

 

Onua: Hi, Nuparu. What's that?

 

Nuparu: It's my Scrambler!

 

Lewa: Can I borrow it? I want to sell it for a million widgets!

 

Nuparu: No, you can't.

 

Lewa: Darn.

 

Pohatu: I wonder what that button does?

 

Nuparu: It's probably a bad idea to press it--

 

Lewa: Too late!

 

*Pohatu presses the button on the Scrambler, sending everyone flying through the air until they land on the ground in the middle of Voya Nui*

 

Nuparu: *sigh* I warned you...

 

Gali: Where are we, anyhow?

 

Nuparu: Who cares? What's that over there?

 

*Nuparu points to a large pile of various objects all sitting in the middle of nowhere*

 

Lewa: Hey, look! Money!

 

BEC: A huge bag of sugar!

 

Onua: Mining stuff!

 

Tava: Pie!

 

Tahu: A flamethrower!

 

Gali: Party stuff!

 

Pohatu: A kohlii ball!

 

Kopaka: An anti-Takanuva device!

 

Takanuva: A book on 100 ways to annoy Kopaka!

 

Fred: Hey, wait, guys! This seems way too convenient...oh, too late.

 

*The Toa Nuva and BEC (with Fred on his shoulder) run over to the huge pile of stuff, but a trap activates*

 

Nuparu: Ha! You Toa are so gullible. Now I can finally get my revenge!

 

Onua: Your revenge? You aren't really Nuparu, are you?

 

"Nuparu": Of course not! This is just a Halloween costume I ordered yesterday.

 

*"Nuparu" pulls off his costume to reveal...*

 

Zaktan: Ha! It's really me! And now to exact my revenge...by throwing you all into this huge trash can and trapping you inside forever! MWAHAHAHA!

 

Fred: Nice try, but you forgot about me!

 

Zaktan: What--but--how?

 

Fred: I'm small enough to squeeze through the bars! Have a taste of the power of Plant Control! :evilgrin:

 

*Fred grows a huge vine that picks Zaktan up and throws him in his own trash can, then shuts the lid*

 

Onua: I love irony. Hey Fred, do you mind letting us out now?

 

Fred: Sure.

 

*Fred presses a button with his tail, unlocking the cage*

 

Takanuva: Great, now what?

 

Gali: Did anyone notice where Zaktan dropped his Scrambler?

 

Onua: I've got it! Now, I wonder how we get home?

 

Gali: It's only got one button...

 

BEC: Wellthenlet'spressitIateallthatsugarinthecageandnowI'mhyperyayayayayayayayay!!

 

Fred: :sick:

 

*BEC presses the button on the Scrambler, and they all fly through the air to land in a random playground with a purple dinosaur walking past*

 

Barney: I love you, you love me, we're a happy--

 

All Toa Nuva, BEC, & Fred: :OMG: BARNEY!!

 

Lewa: Quick! Press the button again!

 

Tava: PIE!

 

*Tava pies the button and they all land on a long, flat, squishy surface*

 

Everyone: Phew.

 

Gali: Where are we now?

 

Lewa: It looks like...hey, what's with this weird ground?

 

Tava: The entire world is made of pie! I'm in heaven!

 

Random BZP Forum moderator: :alert: No mention of religion allowed on BZPower! Tava, proto deduction -1.

 

*The RBFM leaves*

 

Tava: Oops...sorry.

 

BEC: Guesswhat'sinthepieSUGARyayayayayayayay!!

 

*BEC and Tava both start eating the ground, digging a hole all the way through to Piena (China, but made of pie)*

 

Tahu: This is annoying.

 

Gali: Let's just get out of here. Lewa, would you do the honors?

 

Lewa: Gladly.

 

*Lewa hits the button again, and this time they all land back in the lobby of The Nuva Inn*

 

Gali: Home at last. Finally!

 

Onua: That was a really weird chapter. Even by our standards.

 

Gali: And that's saying a lot, considering what we put up with on a daily basis...

 

Tava: I want my pie!

 

Takanuva: Here you go.

 

*Takanuva shoves a random pie into Tava's mouth*

 

Pohatu: Hey, I think I'm hungry.

 

Onua: How come?

 

Pohatu: I hear rumbling. It must be my stomach!

 

Onua: That's not exactly how it works...although, come to think of it, what is that strange rumbling sound?

 

Lewa: Whatever it is, it's getting louder...

 

*The doors suddenly slam open and a swarm of Matoran come rushing into the lobby, trampling Pohatu but leaving the other employees unharmed*

 

Matoran: WE WANT TO STAY!!

 

Pohatu: Why is it always me?

 

NDT EDE

 

Onua: Umm...I can't even think of a good criticism for this, it's so utterly stupid. What kind of typo is that?

 

Narrator: Apparently, someone got all of my keyboard keys stuck together with something that looks an awful lot like pie mixed with sugar...

 

Tava & BEC: ...Gotta go, bye!

 

Narrator: Get back here, you!!

 

Kohrak-Kal: Can I be in this comedy?

 

Narrator, Tava, BEC, and Onua: NO!

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,363 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 27 2014 - 03:59 AM.

  • 0

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#33 Offline Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

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Posted Oct 28 2011 - 09:55 PM

Poor Kohrak Kal...you should devote a chapter entirely to his attempts to be in this comedy. I wonder where that dust bunny went...and how you keep it in a cage.
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#34 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Oct 28 2011 - 11:50 PM

That.....Was......Random..... Also, how was dumb Zaktan able to create a scrambler? -The Bane
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Gentlemen, it's time to spread the word. And the word is: Panic

 

life is not a question of how long we live, but what we do with the life we have



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#35 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 31 2011 - 12:36 AM

@Kapurkar: That...could actually be entertaining. I'll keep that in mind![/kiinavoice]

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 12: Family Reunion OR Pointless Kanohi Are Pointless

 

Onua: "Pointless Kanohi Are Pointless?" That's a pretty pointless title...

 

Narrator: You know what's really pointless? These intros that you do where you just criticize me and/or the title of the chapter.

 

Onua: Pointlessness is pointless, actually.

 

Zeskii: Redundancy is redundant!

 

Narrator & Onua: :blink:

 

Lewa0111: Get out of here!

 

*I kick Zeskii back to The BZ-Nui Hack Wars*

 

Onua: Now that's what I call pointless.

 

Narrator: *groans* Oh, whatever. In this chapter, we begin with Tahu preparing to go to a lava surfing competition.

 

Tahu: Woohoo! Yippee! Yay! Lava surfing!! I AM SO EXCITED YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!! :br:

 

Lewa: Umm...Tahu? Are you feeling okay?

 

Tahu: WHATOFCOURSEI'MFEELINGOKAYI'VENEVERFELTBETTERWHEEEEEEEELAVASURFINGYAYAWESOMELAVASURFINGLAVASURFING!! :br: 

 

Lewa: ...Maybe you should switch to decaf...

 

Tahu: NOPEIDON'TDRINKCOFFEE! :D

 

Gali: Then what did you eat this morning for breakfast? You're acting rather...odd...

 

Tahu: NOTHINGMUCHJUSTANENTIREMOUNTAINOFSUGARWHEELET'SGOIAMEXCITED!!

 

Lewa: That explains it.

 

Gali: I was wondering why he was acting rather BECish...

 

BEC: (from the other room) Hey! Who ate that huge mountain of sugar I had delivered to my room this morning!?!?!?

 

Pohatu: By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks--

 

Everyone Else: Don't use that joke!!

 

Tahu: GOTTAGOLAVASURFRIGHTNOWBYE! :fear:

 

*Tahu runs through the doors at super speeds and zooms off, with BEC chasing after him angrily*

 

Onua: ...Am I the only one who's noticed that this chapter has had absolutely nothing to do with the hotel so far?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Gali: Aren't most of our chapters that way, though?

 

Onua: You do have a point there...Speaking of hotels, with Tahu and BEC gone, who's covering their jobs?

 

Gali: Tava's taking care of the kitchen...apparently everything on the menu can now be baked into a pie. And I'll take the front desky person job again, I missed doing that job!

 

*Gali splits into two, with Gali1 going to the front desk*

 

Gali1: See? No problem!

 

Lewa: That still weirds me out every time. Oh well, I'm headed back to the Manager's Suite! I'll be back down later.

 

*Lewa gets into the solid gold express elevator that leads to the Manager's Suite*

 

Gali2: *shrugs* Whatever, I'm going back to the pool now.

 

Kopaka: And I have to get to work janitating.

 

Onua: Janitating isn't a word!

 

Kopaka: Yes it is!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!

 

*Kopaka and Gali2 leave, and a Toa who looks identical to Tahu Mata walks in*

 

Toa: Hi, I'm Tahuisgreat, and I'd like a room for two nights, please.

 

Everyone: :OMG:

 

Tahuisgreat: :huh: What?

 

Gali1: You...

 

Takanuva: Look...

 

Pohatu: Exactly...

 

Onua: Like...

 

Tava: PIE!!

 

Tahuisgreat: I look like pie?

 

Onua: Tava, get out of here and go back in the restaurant.

 

Tava: Okay!

 

*Tava leaves*

 

Onua: Anyway, we didn't mean that you look like pie, what we were going to say was that you look exactly like Tahu!

 

Tahuisgreat: Who's Tahu?

 

Gali1: He's one of our employees, and he looks like you.

 

Tahuisgreat: Really? That's strange...Where is he? I'd like to meet him!

 

Gali1: Unfortunately, he's busy right now...

 

*Meanwhile, at the Lava Surfing Competition*

 

Tahu: Whee! I'm in the lead! Yahoo!

 

BEC: GET BACK HERE, SUGAR-THIEF!!

 

Tahu: You'll never catch me and--

 

*Tahu slams into a cliff*

 

Tahu: ...or...not...ouch...

 

*Back at The Nuva Inn, in the Manager's Suite...*

 

Takanuva: Lewa? We have a new guest here today.

 

Lewa: So? You don't need to bother me about that! We get new guests every day!

 

Onua: Yes, but this one is a bit interesting. He looks exactly like Tahu's Mata form, and we think they might be long-lost relatives.

 

Lewa: Surely one of you can think of something...

 

Pohatu: I know! We can just ask Tahu if they're related!

 

Onua: Tahu's gone, remember? He's at the lava-surfing competition.

 

Pohatu: Really? Cool!

 

Lewa: And this is really bad timing. Usually Tahu's the one I ask when I need ridiculous ideas for stuff like this. Oh, well, just think of something on your own. I'm busy!

 

*Takanuva, Onua, and Pohatu go back down to the lobby, while Lewa leans back in his reclining massage chair and watches TV*

 

Gali1: Any luck?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Onua: Lewa told us to think of an idea on our own, since he's apparently "busy." And W10 says by "busy" Lewa actually means "watching TV while relaxing in a chair."

 

Takanuva: You're on.

 

Gali1: Well, luckily for us, I've been thinking while you were upstairs, and I came up with an idea. We should give Tahuisgreat a multiple choice test on things Tahu would like! Then, if he answers the same as Tahu would, we'd know they're related! It's completely foolproof!

 

Onua: But what if they just happen to have the same interests?

 

Gali1: Who cares about details? This is a great plan! Besides, I don't see you offering up any better options...

 

Onua: You do have a point there.

 

Takanuva: But how will we get him to take the exam? We'd have to offer a prize of some kind.

 

Pohatu: I have an idea!

 

Onua: Oh no...

 

*Pohatu runs into the restaurant and comes back out with Tava*

 

Pohatu: Tava can make pies to give him if he finishes the exam!

 

Onua: :blink: You actually came up with an intelligent idea? Wow, that's a first.

 

Tava: He can get 100 of my best pies for taking the exam! Well, actually, they'll have to be the second-best, I ate all my best ones already...

 

Onua: Figures.

 

Gali1: Great! Takanuva, you go and find Tahuisgreat. I'll write the exam questions. It will be easy enough considering how stereotypical Tahu acts!

 

*Later...*

 

Tahuisgreat: So, you're saying that all I have to do is take this test?

 

Gali1: That's right! And if you score well, you'll win 100 of Tava's best uneaten pies!

 

Tava: PIE!!

 

Tahuisgreat: Wow, I'm super hungry now! Okay, I'll do it! Let's see...

 


Question 1: What is your favorite activity?

A) Lava surfing

B-) Lava surfing

C) Lava surfing

D) A, B, and C

E) Something that isn't lava surfing

 

Tahuisgreat: Oh, this one's easy! D, of course!

 


Question 2: What is your favorite thing?

A) Fire

B-) Lava

C) A & B

D) Neither

 

Tahuisgreat: Oh, come on. C, of course!

 

*Laterer...*

 

Nuju: That's still not proper grammar!

 

Narrator: And you're still not in this comedy!

 

*Gali1 is reading the exam results*

 

Gali1: Wow, this is...interesting. These are exactly the same answers Tahu would have given! They must be related!

 

Onua: I wonder where Tahu is now...Kopaka, you should find out! Use your mask!

 

Kopaka: K.

 

Toa Whenua: You do realize that my mask can do the exact same thing, plus see in the dark? So the Akaku is completely pointless.

 

Kopaka: Get out of here.

 

*Kopaka blasts Whenua out of the hotel and uses his mask to see Tahu at the Lava Surfing Competition*

 

Announcer Guy: And the winner of today's competition is...Tahu Nuva, who came in first place! Second was BEC, who came in one millimeter behind him, apparently attacking Tahu over a sugar fight.

 

Tahu: Yay! I won! Oh, well, time to go back to The Nuva Inn now, I guess...

 

*Tahu switches to the Kakama and runs back to The Nuva Inn, with BEC following him at the same speed due to his hyperness*

 

Toa Iruini: You know that the Kakama is completely pointless, since my mask does the same thing but better, right?

 

Tahu: :burnmad:

 

Iruini: AAAH! MOMMY! Are you going to eat me?

 

Gali1: No, but we will do this instead!

 

*Gali1 activates the conveyor belt and sends Iruini flying out of the hotel*

 

Onua: Well, about time you got back, Tahu! By the way, there's someone we'd like you to meet...

 

*Tahuisgreat walks into the lobby*

 

Tahu: :bigeek: Oh Mata Nui! It's my long-lost brother's sister's uncle's cousin's dog's owner's roommate's niece's father's grandnephew twice removed's stepbrother's mother's third cousin's grandma's...

 

*Five hours later...*

 

Tahu: ...cat's mother's breeder's parrot's birdseed's plant's gardener's uncle's wife's grandson's buffalo's chicken's sister's aunt's cousin thrice removed on my grandpa's side! It's been a while, Tahuisgreat!

 

Gali1: :blink: That explains the resemblance...I guess...

 

Pohatu: I'm very confused...

 

Tahu: Hey, Tahuisgreat! Let's go in the kitchen and burn stuff!

 

Tahuisgreat: Awesome! Thanks, umm...uh...however it is that you're related to me!

 

THE END

 

Onua: That was an exceedingly odd chapter.

 

Narrator: Must be why Lewa spent the whole time watching TV and relaxing in his chair upstairs.

 

Onua: HA! I knew it! Now Takanuva owes me 10 widgets!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,410 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 27 2014 - 04:33 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#36 Offline Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

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Posted Oct 31 2011 - 08:10 PM

Wow...that's a very interesting relationship, Tahu. Perhaps you aren't related? And Just how did you memorize that? If Tahu wasn't so fast, BEC would have won the competition.
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#37 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 31 2011 - 08:45 PM

Thanks for the reply, Kapurkar! Oh, Tahu... 

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 13: The Bohrok Charmer OR Lewa0111 Can't Think Of A Second Title For This One

 

Onua: *sigh* Do I even need to ask?

 

Narrator: Well, remember, the original chapters only had one title to begin with. The Title Writing Guy is having to add the second titles on by himself.

 

Onua: So he just gave up? Come on! Even I could think of a better second title than that!

 

Narrator: Fine, why don't you try!

 

*Narrator hands Onua the script for the chapter*

 

Onua: Let's see...umm...well...we could call it...hmm...no...wait...umm...

 

Narrator: Exactly.

 

Onua: Fine, I give up! Happy?

 

Narrator: Yes, I believe I am. We now join the Toa Nuva in the lobby, as usual.

 

*Tahu and Tava suddenly run in from the restaurant*

 

Gali: *sighs* What did you two do this time?

 

Tava: I had a new idea for a pie! It's called a Restaurant Pie!

 

Tahu: And then I tried burning the pie... 

 

*Onua comes back from looking out the window*

 

Onua: Apparently the restaurant is gone.

 

Gali: ...You're kidding. Tava baked the entire restaurant into a pie?

 

Tahu: And then I burned it! :D

 

Gali: :facepalm: Why am I not surprised?

 

*Lewa exits his express elevator*

 

Lewa: What happened now?

 

Gali: You're not gonna believe this...but Tava and Tahu baked the entire restaurant into a pie.

 

Lewa: Get Takanuva to fix it, then! Why are you bothering me?

 

Tahu: TAKANUVA!! Get over here and rebuild the restaurant!

 

Takanuva: I can't right now! I'm on the phone.

 

Tahu: With who?

 

Nuju: I believe the correct term is "with whom."

 

Everyone: NERD!

 

Nuju: :(

 

*Nuju disappears and Takanuva hangs up the phone*

 

Takanuva: I was ordering a Bohrok Charming Kit from 1-800-BOHROK-KIT.

 

Gali: :huh: They make those?

 

Takanuva: Of course!

 

*Knock*

 

Metru Nui Postal Service Matoran (MNPSM): Hello, is there a Mr. Takanuva here?

 

Takanuva: That's me!

 

MNPSM: Here you go, one package ordered direct from 1-800-BOHROK-KIT.

 

*MNPSM gives Takanuva the package*

 

Takanuva: Thanks! Bye!

 

Fred: Is this place always this ridiculous?

 

BEC: Wellyeahofcourseitisbutidon'treallycaresinceIjustateanentireboxofsugaryayayayayayayay!

 

Fred: :sick:

 

*Takanuva opens the box and pulls out a flute*

 

Takanuva: This must be the Bohrok Charming Flute! Hey, it came with instructions too! "To use your new Bohrok Charming Kit, you need the enclosed flute. You will also need a Bohrok; to obtain a Bohrok, just add pie." Wait, pie?

 

Tava: PIE!!

 

*Tava splats a pie into the Bohrok Charming Kit and Kohrak-Kal appears*

 

Kohrak-Kal: Finally! I get to be a character in this comedy! I'm so excited! First, I'd like to thank my mom, and my brothers, and--

 

Everyone: GET ON WITH IT!!

 

Kohrak-Kal: Oh, fine.

 

Takanuva: Aren't you supposed to be evil?

 

Kohrak-Kal: Oh yeah, I forgot. Fear me!

 

Takanuva: Wait, just hold on a second.

 

*Everything freezes in time while Takanuva pulls out the flute, cleans and polishes it for an hour, then finishes, setting everything back to normal*

 

Gali: :blink: That was weird.

 

Takanuva: Okay, I'm ready!

 

Kohrak-Kal: We search for Cahdok and Gahdok, queens of the swarms.

 

Onua: "We?" It's just you!

 

Kohrak-Kal: ...Oh. Good point. Anyway, you pitiful Toa will not stand in my way!

 

Takanuva: Oh, really.

 

*Takanuva starts playing the Bohrok Charming Flute horrendously bad*

 

Everyone Else: UGH! Make it stop!

 

Kohrak-Kal: You think that's painful? Then get a load of this!

 

*Kohrak-Kal blasts the entire hotel with sonic waves*

 

Everyone Else: Awesome music! Encore!

 

Kohrak-Kal: :???: It's supposed to hurt! You're not supposed to like it!

 

Pohatu: It's definitely better than Takanuva's playing!

 

*Takanuva starts playing again, blasting out all the windows of the hotel with the horrible screeching*

 

Kohrak-Kal: Take this!

 

*Kohrak-Kal tries to attack the Toa, but instead ends up playing an awesome rock beat*

 

All Toa Nuva: :smeag:

 

Kohrak-Kal: *sighs* Oh, well, I might as well enjoy it while it lasts...

 

*Kohrak-Kal gets out a guitar and starts playing with all of the Toa Nuva clapping along*

 

Narrator: HOLD IT! Kohrak-Kal, you're not supposed to be a rock star, you're supposed to be evil!

 

Kohrak-Kal: I can't help it if Takanuva's playing is so horrible it makes my sonic blasts sound like music!

 

Narrator: This has gotten way too out of hand. Lewa0111, would you mind fixing this?

 

Lewa0111: Gladly. Author power time!

 

*I use author powers to rewind everything back to earlier in the chapter. Takanuva's Bohrok Charming Kit disappears along with Kohrak-Kal*

 

Kohrak-Kal: I'm not in this comedy anymore! :crying:

 

Narrator: Umm...you just were.

 

Kohrak-Kal: Good point.

 

*In the lobby, earlier that day...*

 

Takanuva: Hey, everyone! I have a great idea! I'll buy a Bohrok Charming Kit!

 

Lewa: Umm, that's probably a really bad idea. Why don't you rebuild the restaurant instead?

 

Takanuva: Oh, okay, fine.

 

*Takanuva zaps the restaurant with light and rebuilds it instantly*

 

Takanuva: Well, that's that. Now what?

 

Gali: We could--

 

*An earthquake shakes the hotel*

 

Gali: What was that?

 

Krekka: Uhh...are you doing that?

 

Nidhiki: No! Wait...what are we doing here, anyway?

 

Krekka: *shrugs* I don't know...but I want some cauliflower!

 

Nidhiki: You moron, I keep telling you, you don't like cauliflower!

 

Krekka: I don't?

 

Nidhiki: :facepalm:

 

Gali: That really should be an emoticon.

 

*The earthquake intensifies*

 

Tahu: Bioquake?

 

Gali: Worse...Bohrok!

 

Lewa: :glare: Okay, enough with the stupid Legends of Metru Nui references already!

 

*A large swarm of Bohrok suddenly break down the doors to the hotel and barge into the lobby, smashing random things*

 

Random Bohrok #1: Yay for Takanuva! That was awesome!

 

Random Bohrok #48: Can we have an encore?

 

Random Bohrok #15: You're awesome!

 

Takanuva: ...Umm...thanks, I guess, but I don't exactly get what's going on here...

 

Random Bohrok #612: A few minutes ago we heard you playing some really awesome music! But Kohrak-Kal's sonic blasts were horrible!

 

Takanuva: What?

 

Random Bohrok #612: I guess you don't remember...Oh well. Regardless, we'll be here whenever you need us! Bye!

 

*All the Bohrok leave*

 

Lewa: Huh. That was odd.

 

Takanuva: At least I've got my own personal Bohrok army now! Awesome! Let's party!

 

*Party lights and music come on and Takanuva suddenly starts partying*

 

BEC: Sonowwhatdowedothisisboringwedon'thaveanyguests!

 

Gali: We could always have a party...hey, wait a minute, what happened to my Literally Instant Party Mix? TAKANUVA!!

 

Takanuva: Umm...bye!

 

*Takanuva runs outside followed by Gali, and the other Toa hear the sounds of screaming, water, and light*

 

Onua: Umm...am I the only one who's wondering how exactly we can hear light?

 

Pohatu: Light sounds awesome! Can't everyone hear light?

 

*A very beat-up Takanuva stumbles in through the front door, followed by Gali*

 

Takanuva: Remind me never to make Gali mad...

 

Tahu: Did you really think you could take Gali's party mix? Even I'm not that stupid!

 

Takanuva: No. Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! ...Hey, wait a second, I just realized something! That's the first time that's happened in this entire chapter! Isn't that amazing?

 

Takanuva: No. Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!

 

Takanuva: No. Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Takanuva: No. Kopaka: AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!

 

Takanuva: I just love doing that. It was almost worth getting beat up by Gali!

 

THE END

 

Onua: You know, this chapter was random even by our standards. And it had hardly anything to do with the hotel!

 

Narrator: You think this was bad? Just wait until Chapter 15...

 

Onua: That really doesn't sound good at all.

 

Kohrak-Kal: ...And I'd also like to thank my dog, and my sisters in the Gahlok Swarms, and of course the queens Cahdok and Gahdok, and--

 

Narrator & Onua: SHUT THE KARZAHNI UP!

 

Takanuva: There's no swearing in--

 

Narrator & Onua: SHUT THE KARZAHNI UP AGAIN!!

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,234 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 27 2014 - 11:29 PM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#38 Offline Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

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Posted Nov 01 2011 - 07:19 PM

Well, that's close to what I suggested...close enough, anyway. Wow, that is a good bohrok charmer. Too bad it isn't a good bohrok-KAL charmer.
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#39 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Nov 02 2011 - 12:03 PM

Bzp moderator: You swore, that will be a deduction of 1,000,000,000 proto. I just love my job :sigh:-The Bane!!
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#40 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Nov 02 2011 - 02:28 PM

Thanks for reviewing! New chapter's up now!

 

The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 14: The Mask of...Vahki? OR Battle of the Hordes

 

*...*

 

Narrator: ...Well?

 

Onua: Well, what?

 

Narrator: Well, aren't you going to criticize the title as usual, Onua?

 

Onua: Nah, not today. To be honest, I really can't find anything wrong with it. It's a pretty cool title.

 

Narrator: :OMG: Onua doesn't hate the title! It's a sign of the apocalypse!

 

Onua: Oh, come on! It's not that big of a deal!

 

Narrator: The last 13 chapters in a row you've criticized the title and/or my introduction, and finally, you aren't! It definitely is a big deal!

 

Onua: :blink: Has it really been that long already?

 

Narrator: Yep.

 

Onua: Strange how time flies, isn't it?

 

*A clock with wings flies past the Narrator Booth*

 

Narrator: ...That was odd. This chapter begins with the Toa Nuva getting ready to eat at their own hotel's restaurant.

 

Lewa: Hey, what's wrong with this service? It's taking forever; we ordered like four hours ago!

 

Pohatu: I'm hungry.

 

Tahu: Seriously, what's wrong with this restaurant? This has got to be the slowest service I have ever gotten! :burnma--

 

Everyone Else: Don't!!

 

Tahu: Sorry.

 

Gali: Phew. That was close.

 

Tava: Seriously, though, what's wrong? This shouldn't be taking so long just to get food...

 

Onua: :facepalm:

 

Gali: That should be a real emoticon.

 

Onua: Tahu, Tava, you're both the biggest morons I've ever seen! You're the cooks!

 

Tahu: ...So?

 

Onua: If you're here ordering, then there's no one to make our dinner!

 

Tava & Tahu: Oh.

 

Lewa: Tahu, I hate you.

 

Tahu: Hey!!

 

Lewa: You and Tava had better get in the kitchen and start making our food right now!

 

Tahu: But if we're there, then we won't be able to be here to order!

 

Lewa: :facepalm:

 

Gali: Why isn't that an emoticon yet?

 

*Krekka walks in dressed like a waiter*

 

Krekka: Here you go, Gali, one Cauliflower...doo-luck...?

 

*Krekka puts a plate full of cauliflower next to Gali and walks off*

 

Gali: See? I told you to order the Cauliflower Deluxe, but no!

 

Lewa: Why was Krekka randomly cooking cauliflower in our kitchen?

 

Tahu: Beats me.

 

*An eggbeater appears and beats him*

 

Tahu: That's weird...

 

BEC: Hey, that's not fair! How come Gali gets to eat?

 

Gali: Because I ordered something that happened to be Krekka's obsession.

 

Onua: That still doesn't make any sense...

 

BEC: But I want my sugar! WAAAAAH! :crying:

 

Fred: Thank goodness he doesn't have his sugar.

 

Onua: Hey, Fred, what's that you're eating?

 

Fred: I planned ahead and brought my own personal bag of Kraata Food! Aren't I amazing?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Lewa: Hang on a second, what's that in your dinner, Gali? It looks purple.

 

Pohatu: Maybe it's candy! :D

 

Takanuva: Maybe it's not.

 

*Gali reaches into her dinner and pulls out the mysterious object*

 

Gali: Huh, that's strange. I wonder what this was doing in here?

 

*It's a mask that looks like a purple Vahi*

 

Pohatu: Hey, look! It's a mask that looks like a purple Vahi!

 

Caption Writing Guy (CWG): I feel so useless at this point.

 

Narrator: Stop complaining and just write the captions already!

 

CWG: Fine.

 

Kohrak-Kal:

 

Narrator: Don't even think about it. You had your chance last chapter!

 

Kohrak-Kal: :ziplip:

 

Gali: Is it just me, or did I just witness an argument between the Caption Writing Guy, the Narrator, and that randomly appearing Kohrak-Kal?

 

Onua: Trust me, it's not just you.

 

Lewa: Can we just get back on topic!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

Pohatu: I love exclamation points and question marks together!

 

Lewa: Old joke, definitely way off topic, not funny.

 

Pohatu: :(

 

Lewa: Anyway, regarding that mask, I know what that is! Gali, give it to me.

 

Gali: Sure.

 

*Gali gives Lewa the mask*

 

Lewa: This is the Kanohi Vahki, of course!

 

Pohatu: Don't you mean "Vahi?"

 

Lewa: No, I meant the Kanohi Vahki, the Mask of Vahki! Just watch.

 

*Lewa switches the Vahki for his Miru and concentrates. A few seconds later, an army of Vahki come running into the restaurant*

 

Vahki1: <what are our orders master>

 

Lewa: Go make us all our dinner.

 

Vahki1: <yes master vahki 5 through 237 go make dinner>

 

Vahki5 through 237: <we hear and obey>

 

*All of the Vahki but the first four run into the kitchen and come back out a few seconds later with all of the food the Toa ordered*

 

Pohatu: What a pointless mask. All it does is make dinner?

 

Vahki1: <shut up>

 

Vahki2: <do not insult the mask of vahki>

 

Vahki4: <that's all you ever say>

 

Vahki2: <do not insult the mask of vahki>

 

Vahki4: <seriously do you ever say anything else>

 

Vahki2: <do not insult the mask of vahki>

 

Vahki4: <oh come on now this is just getting ridiculous>

 

Vahki2: <do not insult the mask of vahki>

 

Vahki4: <aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh>

 

Vahki3: <pickles>

 

Vahki1: < :blink: >

 

Lewa: Shut up, you guys.

 

Takanuva: You can understand them?

 

Lewa: Of course! The mask lets me talk to Vahki, and it also makes them obey my commands!

 

Takanuva: Well, that Mask of Vahki is nowhere near as awesome as my Bohrok Charming Flute!

 

Lewa: The Mask is way better than that flute!

 

Takanuva: No.

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!

 

Vahki2: <do not insult the mask of vahki>

 

Vahki4: <aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhh>

 

Kopaka: I like Vahki4 already.

 

Takanuva: You can understand them too?

 

Kopaka: I borrowed Nuju's spare Kanohi Rau!

 

Takanuva: Figures. Well, my Bohrok are still way more awesome than your Vahki!

 

Lewa: Yeah, right! Why don't you just prove it, then?

 

Takanuva: Gladly! Let's have a battle in the arena tonight at sunset!

 

Lewa: We don't have an arena...

 

*Takanuva zaps the outside of the hotel with light, creating an arena instantly*

 

Takanuva: Now we do!

 

Lewa: Hey, I just got an idea! We should charge people to come and watch my Vahki defeat Takanuva's Bohrok, and then we could make loads of money!

 

Takanuva: Good idea, but you can't charge people to see something that won't happen. Because my Bohrok are definitely going to win!

 

Lewa: NO WAY!

 

Gali: Oh, who cares? Let's just get ready for the arena tomorrow. There's no need to fight over this now!

 

Onua: Then what should we do instead?

 

Gali: We should party over this!

 

*Gali activates her Literally Instant Party Mix*

 

Everyone (including the Vahki): :blink:

 

Krekka: Do you want seconds, Gali?

 

Gali: :doubleblink:

 

*Later...*

 

Tahu: (speaking through a megaphone) Come one! Come all! See Lewa and the Vahki fight against Takanuva and the Bohrok! Only six hundred widgets per ticket!

 

*crickets chirping*

 

Tahu: Huh. I wonder why no one's coming? That's weird...

 

Random Matoran #35: Hey firespitter! No one in their right mind would ever pay six hundred dollars for a ticket! That's just ridiculous!

 

Tahu: Huh? But that's what it says...

 

*Tahu looks down at the card he is reading from*

 

Tahu: Oh, whoops. I forgot the decimal point! I meant to say six widgets instead!

 

Random Matoran #35: Much better.

 

*A huge crowd of Matoran and other beings line up at the ticket booth*

 

Tahu: Talk about good business! :D

 

*Laterer...*

 

Nuju:

 

*Shut up, Nuju.*

 

Takanuva: (to the army of Bohrok) Now, don't be nervous at all. You can defeat those Vahki easily! Never forget that you, the Bohrok, came before the Vahki, and you have superiority! You shall prevail!

 

Random Bohrok #35: Umm, actually, the 2004 storyline came before the 2002 storyline. So, technically, the Vahki came before us.

 

Takanuva: ...Umm...good point. But who cares? You were released first, which is much more important!

 

All Bohrok: :???:

 

Random Bohrok #832: What does that even mean?

 

Takanuva: Never mind.

 

*Pohatu walks in holding popcorn and lemonade*

 

Pohatu: Hey, Takanuva, we're all getting impatient! Are you ready to come out and start the battle?

 

Takanuva: No.

 

*Kopaka walks in behind Pohatu*

 

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

 

*Meanwhile, in another part of the hotel...*

 

Lewa: All right, Vahki, let's go!

 

*Lewa puts on the Mask of Vahki, and BEC walks in eating sugar, with Fred on his shoulder*

 

BEC: HeyLewait'salmosttimetostarttheshow! Don'tforgettojustdoyourbest! Thisisgonnabesototallyawesome! You'llbeatTakanuvaeasilywithyourmaskofVahki!

 

Fred: Somebody should really just confiscate all sugar in this hotel soon.

 

BEC: NoneverthisisjustwaytoomuchfunIlovebeinghyper!

 

Fred: Ugh.

 

Lewa: Okay, Vahki, let's go!

 

Vahki1: <you just said that>

 

Lewa: True, but then BEC and Fred distracted me, so I forgot about that.

 

Vahki4: <aren't you going to give us a pep talk or maybe a story>

 

Lewa: Nah, let's just fight!

 

Vahki3: <pickles>

 

Vahki1: <i worry about your sanity sometimes>

 

BEC: Okaythisisawesomeimsoexcited! Thisisgonnabegood! Imsohypericouldexplode!

 

Fred: As if that wasn't obvious.

 

*Latererer...*

 

Onua: (speaking into announcer system) Attention all Matoran!

 

*Onua sees Krekka, Nidhiki, Roodaka, Sidorak, several random Visorak, a few Order of Mata Nui members, several Piraka, and even a random Lava Eel sitting in the audience*

 

Onua: ...er...random assortment of beings. Welcome to the First Ever Fight Between The Bohrok Swarm And The Vahki Horde And Their Leaders Takanuva And Lewa Respectively, otherwise known as the FEFBTBSATVHATLTALR.

 

Audience: :blink:

 

Onua: Right. Let's just get on with the show! Takanuva, Lewa, prepare yourselves!

 

*Lewa puts on his Mask of Vahki, and Takanuva pulls out his Bohrok Charming Flute, facing each other in the middle of the arena*

 

Lewa: Vahki, to me!

 

Takanuva: Assemble, Bohrok!

 

Vahki1: <for lewa and justice>

 

Bohrok44: For Takanuva and justice!

 

Vahki1: <stop copying me>

 

Bohrok44: At least I use punctuation! That mask is stupid!

 

Vahki2: <do not insult the mask of vahki>

 

Vahki4: <aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh>

 

Bohrok325: Let's just attack already!

 

Vahki3: <pickles>

 

All Vahki And Bohrok: :blink:

 

Takanuva: Attack now!

 

Lewa: Charge, Vahki!

 

Narrator: The Vahki and Bohrok then charge toward each other, and the middle of the arena erupts in a huge battle that is far too epic to be captured in a mere text-base comedy such as this. So, instead, we shall cut to a commercial break.

 

*Commercial Break!*

 

Nidhiki: Pests are a problem in today's Matoran society. Whether it is small insect Rahi, large insect Rahi, or gigantic insect Rahi, no one likes a pest invasion. So just call Nidhiki's Spiderweb Service at 1-800-N-I-D-H-I-K-I! I'll come to your house and set up spiderwebs to capture any size of insect Rahi you need captured! Just listen to this satisfied customer:

 

Random Matoran #7721: Mmph mmph mmph!

 

*Random Matoran #7721 is wrapped completely in webbing*

 

Nidhiki: He definitely said that he loves my service. So come and call today: 1-800-N-I-D-H-I-K-I. Again, that's 1-800-C-A-U-L-I-F-L-O-W...hey, what the...?

 

Krekka: :D

 

Nidhiki: Get back here, you moron!

 

*Nidhiki chases Krekka off screen, and the next commercial starts*

 

Zaktan: Come enjoy a relaxing vacation on the Island of Voya Nui! All expenses are free, and all you have to do is assist us in draining this volcano! Come relax in the warmth of Mount Valmai, bathe in the icy cold waters of the bay, or sit under the shade of the carnivorous trees in the Green Belt! All completely free! Just look at this Matoran's enjoyable time:

 

Random Matoran #812: yes...master...i...am...having...fun...

 

*Garan runs past in the background*

 

Garan: It's a trap!!

 

Admiral Ackbar: My line!

 

*Admiral Ackbar chases Garan out of the comedy*

 

Zaktan: ...Right. And if you don't come, I'll come to your house and shove a trash can on your head! So come to Voya Nui today!

 

Narrator: We now return to our regularly scheduled chapter.

 

*Outside the arena, a large crowd is leaving*

 

Random Matoran #19: That was a totally awesome battle! I can't believe how cool it was when that Bohrok used its faceplate as a shield to block that combined blast from the staffs of four Vahki at once!

 

Random Matoran #35: Nah, the best part was easily when that squad of special Vahki Ninjakh showed up and used awesome ninja moves to defeat the entire Nuhvok Swarm.

 

Random Matoran #1: Oh, come on. What about when those three Vahki transformed themselves into cars and drove up the walls, then un-transformed and kicked all those Bohrok in the face?

 

Random Matoran #55: Yeah, this was easily the most awesome battle I have ever seen! That W6 was totally worth it! Wasn't it exciting?

 

Random Matoran #35: Definitely! Way more exciting than Nidhiki and Zaktan advertising random stuff!

 

Random Matoran #55: That's a bit of a weird comparison, but yeah, obviously...

 

Random Matoran #12: I still can't get over the fact that the Vahki won!

 

*Back in the arena...*

 

Takanuva: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

 

Kopaka: Ah.

 

THE END

 

Onua: I have to admit, that was pretty cool announcing for that chapter. It would really stink if the readers couldn't have seen it. Narrator, you did manage to capture it all in the text of this comedy, right?

 

Narrator: Umm...

 

Onua: Right?

 

Narrator: ...Gotta go! Bye!

 

*Onua chases the Narrator out of the Narration Booth*

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 2,102 words. Wow, that's a lot!

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 28 2014 - 05:21 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!





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