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The Nuva Inn

The Nuva Inn Toa Nuva Lewa0111 Remake Tava

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105 replies to this topic

#81 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 20 2012 - 12:51 PM

Pieism? There's an easy way to fix that. Isn't religious discussion supposed to be banned from BZPower?Actually, don't use that. Forget I said it. However, don't forget this--NEVER LET TAHU DRIVE AGAIN!

No one can keep the holy religion of PIIII or PIE from spreading. It is inevitable.I also concur with kapukar, DON'T LET TAHU DRIVE!-Bane

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Gentlemen, it's time to spread the word. And the word is: Panic


life is not a question of how long we live, but what we do with the life we have

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#82 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Feb 20 2012 - 04:02 PM

Thanks for the replies!


@Kapurkar: Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately?), BZP's rules only apply to real religions, so Pieism can't be stopped that easily...Also, I agree. Never, EVER, let an insane angry pyromaniac raging Toa of Fire drive a vehicle. Ever.


The PIENuva PIEInn

A BIONICLE PIEcomedy by Pie!

Chapter 29: OF And The Pie OR "I Never Thought We'd Be Glad To See That Kraata"


Onua: It's in the title now, too? What is going on here?


Narrator: No, the title is actually called "OF And The Pie." But the pie in the first two lines of the title sequence is new...


Onua: I'm scared. Tava's taken this way too far.


Narrator: Even my Narrator Powers can't override it any more...and the Title Writing Guy will probably succumb soon, too.


Onua: Then we'd better stop this crazy religion, and fast.


Narrator: As much as I hate to say this, I agree with you. This time. Anyway, today we find the Toa Nuva having locked themselves in the Inn, trying to come up with a plan to stop pie from taking over.


Lewa: This has officially become a bad situation. And he was one of us, too!


Gali: Scary the way these things happen...


Lewa0111: The worst part is that pie has now become so powerful it can apparently override author powers!








BEC: No, wait, it's just that random sugar-bringing Matoran.


*BEC opens the door, and the Matoran drops off several bags of sugar at the front desk, which BEC promptly eats*


BEC: WoohooyayIdon'tcareaboutpierightnowbecauseI'msuperhyperwheeeeeeeee! Ilovebeinghyperitssomuchfun!!


Fred: And here I was hoping that the one good thing about Pieism was that it would keep the sugar away...


BEC: Nobodycankeepsugarawayfrommeit'swhatIliveforandwithoutitIwouldn'tbehyper!


Fred: Why am I not surprised?






Takanuva: No.




Lewa: Hey, Kopaka, you want to join me in my screaming? How nice of you!


Gali: No, wait, it's just a guest.


Onua: You're kidding me, right? Someone actually wants to stay?


*The door opens, and a brown version of Toa Onewa walks in*


Onua: Hey, Caption Writing Guy! Isn't Toa Onewa already brown?


*Umm...uh...hey, look, a distraction!*


Pohatu: Ooh, where? I love distractions!


Onua: :facepalm:


BEC: HithereToawelcometoTheNuvaInndoyouwanttostay?


Toa: :huh:


Fred: *sigh* Here we go again...


Recording of BEC: Hi there, Toa! Welcome to The Nuva Inn! Do you want to stay?


Toa: Yes, I'd like a room for two nights. My name is OF.


BEC: Weirdwhatdoesthatstandfor?


Recording of BEC: Weird, what does that stand for?


OF: Onewa Fan.


Lewa: Weird name.


*A ceiling fan with the word "Onewa" on it randomly falls down from the ceiling*


OF: :glare: Not that kind of fan!


Fan: Aww...


*The fan levitates back up to the ceiling*


Gali: Well, sorry to say this, Onewa Fan, but we're closed right now, so you can't stay. Maybe you could try coming back after the Pieism saga is over?


OF: Pieism saga? What's that?


BEC: It'skindofalongstorybutbasicallyapieobsessedMatoranwhousedtoworkheredecidedtoworshippieandnowit'stakingoverthecomedybecauseitgotwaytoooutofhand!


OF: What did he say?


Fred: Hold on, one second...


Recording of BEC: It's kind of a long story, but basically, a pie-obsessed Matoran who used to work here decided to worship pie, and now it's taking over the comedy because it got way too out of hand!


Fred: How did you even say that whole sentence without running out of breath!?!?!?!? ...On second thought, I don't want to know.


Pohatu: Pie the way, I love exclamation--




Takanuva: Pie.




OF: Pie pie pie? Pie--PIEPIEPIE! PIE!


Gali: Pie pie pie :fear:


Lewa: Pie! (in mind) What's happening? I can't say anything except Pie now!


Tahu: Pie! (in mind) Uh-oh...this really isn't good...


*Suddenly, the words on the sign outside change to "The PIEPIE Pie"*


Everyone: :bigeek:


*Slightly less suddenly, the words on the sign change back to normal*


Lewa: Whoa, what happened there? The sign just--hey, I can talk again! Cool!


*The Kraata of Letter Control slithers in*


KLC: I was going to do something insane, but it looks like you have enough insanity to deal with as it is.


Onua: Wait, what's going on here?


KLC: I changed the letters of PIE to make you all talk normally again! Nobody but me and the KNC are allowed to mess with the sign!


Gali: Wow, I never thought we'd actually be glad to see you...


KLC: :happydance:


Lewa: I say we stop the pie before it gets any worse, now that we can talk again. Everyone, let's get in the car and head back to Tava, right now! KLC, OF, you can come too.




*OF runs over to the computer and starts playing video games on it*


Lewa: ...Or you can just stay here and play computer games. Should we wait for him to finish?


Takanuva: No.




Everyone: :OMG:


Kopaka: Just kidding!


Lewa: Don't do that again.


*They go to the car (that was magically repaired from the crash in the last chapter) and Tahu gets in the driver's seat*


Gali: Don't you even think about it.


Tahu: :(


Gali: I'll drive this time.


*They all drive (calmly) to the Church of Pieism, without OF, who's still busy in the Inn playing computer games*


Tava: PIE!!


Pieism Members: PIE!!


Tava: PI!!


Pieism Members: PI!!


Tava: PIE!!


Pieism Members: PIE!!


*Tava sees Lewa and co.*


Tava: STOP! I mean, PIE!


*The Pieism members stop "singing"*


Tava: So, does this mean you've changed your mind? Are you ready to embrace the wonder that is Pie?


Takanuva: No.




Tava: This is no time for jokes! This is serious, Pie is a sacred and important topic! And now, to be a stereotypical villain, I shall reveal my ultimate plan to you.


Lewa: Your ultimate plan?


Tava: Yes. It is to replace BIONICLE with...PIEONICLE!!1


Dramatic Music: Dun dun DAAAAAAAAAAAH!


Onua: Sorry, I accidentally hit the "play" button.


*Onua shuts off his boom box playing "Dramatic Music Vol. 2"*


Gali: Tava, why did you just tell us your plan?


Tava: I already told you, I wanted to be a stereotypical villain! Besides, it doesn't matter, because now the great Blueberry Pie will hypnotize you all, starting with Lewa0111 himself!!


Dramatic Music: Dun dun DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


Gali: ONUA!


Onua: Okay, that time wasn't me, that was actually background music.


Gali: Oh.


Lewa: But Tava, you can't hypnotize the author! If you do, the comedy won't be able to continue, he will be turned into a spammer who just posts about pie in every topic, and he will be banned again, and this comedy will be closed by the BZPower moderators!


Everyone but Lewa: :blink:


Tava: Who cares? It's too late.


Takanuva: No.




Lewa: NEVER! I will stop you!


*Lewa charges toward the altar of Blueberry Pie in slow motion with his air katana, dives, but trips over a piece of pie on the ground, misses the altar, and falls flat on his face*


Tahu: I'll stop you instead!


*Tahu runs forward but trips over Lewa*


Takanuva: If you want something done...I guess you have to do it yourself.


*Takanuva runs forward and blasts the Blueberry Pie with light, which somehow creates an explosion that knocks Takanuva and the pie into an inconveniently placed pool of Energized Protodermis*


Tava: No! This cannot be!


Onua: At least the pie is gone now...


Tahu: That's gotta hurt.


Gali: Wait! The Energized Protodermis is bubbling!


*The pool bubbles violently, and then Takanuva emerges, but he's all...er...pieish*


PieTakaBlueNuva: I am PieTakaBlueNuva!


Lewa: Weird name.


Onua: You know you didn't have to say your name. We can read it in the text before your line.


PieTakaBlueNuva: I know, but this way it's more dramatic.


Tava: Umm...what is going on here?


PieTakaBlueNuva: Tava, listen to me. Pieism is not a real religion, and Blueberry Pie doesn't have any power. You've taken your obsession way too far this time. Go home and just be normally obsessed with pie, instead of starting a saga over it.


Tava: I'm sorry! It won't happen again, I promise!


PieTakaBlueNuva: Good.


*PieTakaBlueNuva picks up Tava and throws him all the way back to The Nuva Inn, then eats the church*


Gali: Great! It's finally over.


PieTakaBlueNuva: Now we can all go home. Finally!


*PieTakaBlueNuva unfuses back into Takanuva*


Lewa: What a relief.


Tahu: Wait, what's that over there?


*Tahu points to a second Kraata of Letter Control slithering around by the pool of Energized Protodermis*


KLC2: I sure hope this floor isn't slippery...YIKES!


*KLC2 slips on the floor and falls in, and a Rahkshi suit pops out*


Original KLC: Woohoo! Now I can be a Rahkshi! :happydance:


*The KLC climbs into the Rahkshi suit*


Rahkshi of Letter Control (RLC): This is awesome! Now I can wreak havoc on letters even more! Bye!


*The RLC runs off somewhere*


Tahu: That was random.


Onua: Though honestly, I'd rather deal with a Rahkshi of Letter Control than with pie taking over everything...


Lewa: I concur.


Nuju: My line!


Lewa: Get out of here.


*Lewa shoves Nuju into a time-comedy warp vortex, and they all drive home (with Tahu shoved into a straightjacket in the trunk)*


Lewa0111: Well, at least it's all back to normal now. And I don't have to worry about losing my author powers!


Gali: And Tava learned that Pieism isn't a real religion.


Onua: Also we all learned that it's a bad idea ever to take Tahu's suggestions literally. Or to let Tahu drive.


Tahu: I'm right here, you know...


Onua: I know! :D


BEC: GreatnowTava'sbacktonormalsohecanmakememoresugarpies!


Gali: There's something that's still bothering me, though. If Pieism isn't real and pie doesn't really have mystical powers, then how did Takanuva fuse with the Blueberry Pie to begin with?


Everyone: :o




Onua: Wow, that has got to be the shortest saga ever. Only two chapters! Does that make it a mini-saga?


Narrator: No, it's just a short regular saga.


Onua: I'm just relieved that it's over. And best of all, we didn't have to deal with any comedy crossovers!


Narrator: Great, now you've probably jinxed it.


Onua: How could I have jinxed it? What, do you really think it will continue? Pieism's beaten! This whole thing is over!


Narrator: Well, you never know.


Bob the Word Counting Pietoran: This chapter has 1,669 pies.


Onua: Great, me and my big mouth...


~Lewa# Piedios


:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 29 2014 - 04:14 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
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ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)
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#83 Offline Dralcax

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Posted Feb 20 2012 - 05:51 PM

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#84 Offline Railblazer

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Posted Feb 20 2012 - 08:53 PM


Onua jinxed the endtro by saying Pieism was done and done. Thus, it made one final appearance.I thought you knew, Gali. Anything that falls into a pool of Energized Protodermis with another object fuses with it. It's basic.

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#85 Offline Elrond of Rivendell

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Posted Feb 21 2012 - 10:42 AM

Is it over??? Or is there something more sinister behind this??? Tune in next time for the pie pie....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-BANE
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Gentlemen, it's time to spread the word. And the word is: Panic


life is not a question of how long we live, but what we do with the life we have

BZRPG profiles

#86 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Mar 02 2012 - 03:31 PM

I hate midterm exams. That is all.


Anyway, here is a new update of TNI (finally) for your reading enjoyment!


The Pie Inn

A PIEONICLE comedy by Pie!

Chapter PIE30: The Nuva Inn meets Ask Matau! OR I never thought I'd be doing one of these "meets" things...


Onua: Oh, you've got to be kidding me. I'm really sick of this saga already. PIE


Narrator: I warned you not to jinx it...PIE


Onua: Somehow this is your fault. PIE


Narrator: My fault? How is this my fault? PIE


Onua: You're the narrator, you should be able to fix this! PIE


Narrator: We've already been over this: the pie is immune to author powers! PIE


Onua: Well, I don't want to be saying PIE at the end of every sentence. PIE


Narrator: Anyone know where that Kraata--err, Rahkshi--went off to? PIE


RLC: Did somebody call me?


Oeaonuaaa: Yes, wii knead U two ficks this pi porbelm...HEY! PIE


RLC: Sorry, couldn't resist. Here, I'll fix it.


*The RLC shoots a blast out of his alphabet-shaped staff*


Onua: Finally. Normal at last!


Narrator: Well, that was easy. Thanks, Rahkshi of Letter Control!


RLC: No problem. Now I'm off to time-comedy warp into a bunch of other Lewa0111 comedies, bye!


*The RLC jumps into a time-comedy warp portal and vanishes*


Onua: Well, that was odd.


Narrator: ...


Onua: What?


Narrator: I'm still waiting for you to complain about the title.


Onua: Oh, right, thanks for reminding me! :D


Narrator: :annoyed2:


Onua: So, why exactly is this chapter about asking Lewa's Turaga stuff? I thought we had a saga to take care of.


Narrator: No, I'm talking about Toa Matau.


Onua: Wait, so Matau's a Toa? But then why are we Toa Nuva in Metru Nui if the Turaga are still Toa Metru and how is Sidorak still alive and what about Nidhiki and Krekka and...oh, never mind, I give up.


Narrator: It's a Lewa0111 comedy. That explains everything.


Onua: Of course.


Narrator: Well, for now, we open the chapter with the Toa Nuva trying to figure out how the pie is still taking over everything.


Lewa: So, if Tava's back to normal and the Church of Pieism is inside Takanuva's stomach, then why is pie still taking over everything?


Tava: Hey, don't look at me!


*Pohatu looks at him*


Tava: Can't say I didn't warn you! Pi in the face!



Gali: :huh: Don't you mean "Pie?"


Tava: No, I meant pi!


*Tava starts bombarding Pohatu with all of the numbers of Pi*


Gali: Oh, I see.


Fred: Is it possible that the Blueberry Pie might somehow still be alive?


Takanuva: No.


Lewa: Kopaka, if you dare so much as think about screaming "Pie," so help me...




Lewa: Phew.


Onua: But there's no way the Blueberry Pie could still be alive! I mean, it's just pie, no matter how obsessed Tava was over it. It doesn't have any powers...right?


Gali: Takanuva did manage to fuse with it, though. It probably has powers we don't know about.


Everyone: :OMG:


BEC: OhnowhatdowedoIdon'tknowthisisreallyscaryohwellmaybemyhypernesswillsaveusallbecausehypernessistheanswertoeverything!


Fred: Why are you so hyper? *glances at watch* Oh, never mind, I know.


Onua: Wait, but you're a Kraata! How can you have a watch if you don't have any hands?


*The watch vanishes*


Fred: By ignoring the plothole.


Onua: Oh, I see.


Gali: Well, unless anyone has any better ideas, I say we should go to where the Church of Pieism used to be. Maybe there will be some clues there.


Lewa: How about we stay here and I go to the Manager's Suite and do managery things instead?


Everyone but Lewa: :uhuh:


Lewa: Fine, let's go.


OF: Hey, can I come too?


Pohatu: :blink: Where'd you come from?


OF: Dunno. Weird...


*Tahu runs to the driver's seat of the "car," but vines sprout from the ground and strangle him*


Fred: Don't you even think about it.


Tahu: :(


Everyone but Tahu: THANK YOU!


*Before they can drive away, they suddenly see a group of people walking up to the hotel, consisting of the following: three Toa Metru, six Visorak, a Rahkshi with a :wakeup: emoticon for a head, a computer tied to a mine cart, and...ANOTHER LEWA0111!?!?!?!?!?*






Lewa: Whoa, weird. Who are those people? Maybe they want to stay?


Gali: We should really get going on our mission...


Lewa: MONEY!!


Gali: *sighs* Never mind.


Lewa0111: Hey! It's the other me!


Everyone: HUH?????


Lewa0111: Well, you see, I write this other comedy in addition to this one, called Ask Matau!, and so...


Everyone: :doubleblink:


Onua: That's not even a real emoticon!


*Lewa0111 materializes outside the Inn, and runs up and starts talking to his other self*


AM!!Lewa0111: Hey, it's the other me!


TNI!Lewa0111: Hi there, me! Weirdly, this is the second time I've met another version of myself so far, believe it or not.


AM!!Lewa0111: Huh, go figure. So what's with all the pie?


TNI!Lewa0111: Well, one of my characters took his obsession a bit too far, and started a pie religion, and then author powers couldn't affect it, and...


AM!!Lewa0111: You really need some comedy tips, me.


*Back with the BIONICLE characters...*


Gali: Hi! Can I take your order?


BEC: Thisisn'tafastfoodplaceandthatwasLewa'slinebutIdon'tcarebecauseyoutookmyjob!


Matau: Umm...


BEC: HiwhatcanIdoforyou?


Matau: I'm Toa Matau, the greatest Toa-Hero in existence, and we need a place to stay!


BEC: Okhowmanydoyouneed?


Matau: Well, we're the Fellowship of the DVD, and there are a lot of us. So just a really big room.


BEC: Okgotityou'reinroom213.


Pohatu: Finally! Just one flight of stairs!


Lewa: Umm, what's with the "Fellowship of the DVD?"


Matau: We're looking for Bob the Pirate. He stole my Ask Matau! Season 1 DVD.


Lewa: Funnily enough, we're on a quest too. We're trying to figure out where all of this pie is coming from.


Matau: Maybe it's from the same place where Bob the Pirate is hiding. Apparently it's in Ga-Metru.


Lewa: We have no idea where to start looking. Ga-Metru is as fine a place as any.


Matau: Okay, great! Let's go tomorrow morning.


*Matau goes into the room and starts putting up posters of himself on all the walls*


Nokama: I need to use the bathroom.


BEC: ButBIONICLEcharactersdon'tgotothe...nevermind! Seconddoorontherightwhenyouwalkpastthecheesefountain. It'sbehindtheicerink.




*Roporak runs hyperly into the Inn and dives into the cheese fountain*


Onua: ...Since when did we have a cheese fountain?


Takanuva: Since I built it last night! I thought it would make a nice addition.


Onua: *sighs*


Vohtarak: Hey, is there a computer in there?


Fred: Yes, but this guy named OF is on the other one.


*Vohtarak runs hyperly inside and starts playing MNOG2 on the other computer*


Whenua: Sorry about all of this. We must seem ridiculously insane to you.


Takanuva: No.




Lewa: Trust me, we're used to insanity here.


Whenua: Oh, I see.




Gali: Well, we can't do anything yet. Let's wait until tomorrow morning.


BEC: NowayIwanttobehyperandrunaroundandgoonadventuresrightnowIcan'twaitfortomorrow!


Fred: Only he would be this excited about nothing.


Lewa: Okay, well, let's just go to sleep. Narrator, cue the chronological caption.


Narrator: Okay!




*Tahu runs into the Manager's Suite*


Tahu: OUCH!


Lewa: Groan...what's that racket? Tahu, go away, I'm having an awesome dream.


Tahu: Sorry, I accidentally the Manager's Suite.


Lewa: :huh: Accidentally what the Manager's Suite? ...You know what, never mind. We already used that joke in the Lariska chapter.


Tahu: But that's my new catchphrase! I want to have my own running joke!


Lewa: You already have one, it's called "BURN STUFF!!11one."


Tahu: But that's not original! I like my accidentally joke better.


Lewa: Well, stop trying to make it into a joke. It'll never catch on. Was this the whole reason you woke me up?


Tahu: No, I came to get you because we need to go on our adventure! It's the next morning, remember? We have to stop the pie!


Lewa: Oh, right, I forgot about that. Just meet me in the garage in five minutes.


Tahu: :huh: We have a garage?




*Takanuva somehow hears him from 9,321 stories down, and creates a garage instantly*


Lewa: Now we do!


*73 minutes later...*


Lewa: Okay, let's go!


Gali: Lewa, you told us five minutes! You're 68 minutes late! What took you so long?


Lewa: Umm, I was too busy watching all of my scenes in Mask of Light! ...I mean, definitely doing manager stuff. Yep. Totally.


Onua: Right, okay, whatever. BEC, go bring the Ask Matau! group here, okay?


BEC: Sureberightback!


*0.0000000000000000000001 milliseconds later, BEC runs back into the garage with the entire Fellowship of the DVD balanced on his head*


BEC: Hereyougo! :D


Matau: Oww! Hey, what's the big idea?


BEC: Yippeewehavetogobecauseit'sadventuretime!


Gali: Wait, hold on a second. If we're all going to stop the pie, then who will hold down the fort?


Lewa: Easy, Tava, OF, and Zaktan will!


Pohatu: There's a fort? Where? Why haven't I noticed it before?


Gali: :glare: That was rhetorical.


Onua: You know, somehow letting those three watch the hotel seems like a bad idea.


Gali: Do you have any better ideas?


Onua: No...


Gali: Exactly.


Lewa: Okay, let's go, everyone!


*Takanuva pulls a second Ussanui out of nowhere and superglues it to the back of the first one so that the Ask Matau! characters can fit*


Tahu: Yes! Driving time!




Tahu: Too late!


*Tahu drives the extended car out of the garage...through the wall*


Matau: Are you insane? I could drive this thing ten times better than you!


Tahu: Yeah, right. I'd like to see you try.


Matau: GLADLY!


Keelerak: Something tells me this won't end well...


Whenua: I agree. Hey, wait a second, where's Lewa0111?


Gali: Our Lewa0111, or yours?


Whenua: Either of them.


Onua: They're over there.


*Onua points to where the two Lewa0111s are still talking*


Matau: Whatever, just leave them there. Let's go!




Onua: Oh, come on, that's the worst cliffhanger ever!


Narrator: There's been worse. It's not the worst cliffhanger ever.


Onua: Stuck on the car with Tahu and/or Matau driving? Come on.


Narrator: What, do you really think they would be driving when the chapter is over?


Onua: Yes...




Random Matoran: Hey, that's my house you just smashed through!


Onua: I rest my case.


*Five hours later, the two Lewa0111s are STILL talking*


Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,680 words.


~Lewa# Studios


(The story continues in Ask Matau!)


:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 29 2014 - 04:46 AM.

  • 0
My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)
ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

#87 Offline Railblazer

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Posted Mar 02 2012 - 07:59 PM

Long...chapter...too...many...words...ugh...I totally understand it, though. I do believe Takanuva will be rebuilding a lot of structures when all is said and done.
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#88 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Mar 05 2012 - 12:32 AM


A PIEONICLE comedy by Pie!

Chapter PIE31: A Little More Pieness OR How did I ever stop talking to the other me!?!?!?!?!?


Pohatu: By the way, I--


Gali: *SLAP!*


Everyone Else: Thank you!


Nokama: I like this girl already.


Onua: Hey, Narrator! I just realized something. Weren't we at a cliffhanger at the end of last chapter?


Narrator: Yeah, so...?


Onua: And didn't said cliffhanger end with all of us in the car being driven by Tahu and/or Matau, of all people?


Narrator: Yes...




Narrator: No, I froze time for the intro so that I would get to say my usual introduction. Last time, the Toa Nuva and the cast of Ask Matau! met up and began to drive away from the hotel, being driven by the two worst drivers in the group. And that part of the story was continued in Ask Matau!. So now we begin just as the car is about to plummet to the ground from 1,000 miles in the air.






Everyone: :dazed:


Vohtarak: Oww...my precious computer-game-playing head...


Matau: If I'd been in control, I could easily have landed that!


Nokama: Sure you could.


Lewa: Does anyone even remember what we were supposed to be doing in the first place? Besides driving like maniacs through Metru Nui, I mean.


Takanuva: No.




Lewa0111: You're going to find out where the pie is coming from, remember? And apparently Matau's DVD will be there, too.


Takanuva: Hey, wow! You're not talking to yourself anymore! It's a miracle!




Takanuva: Same thing.


Lewa0111: No.




Everyone: :blink:


Lewa0111: That was weird.


Keelerak: Is it just me, or is that roadkill over there? *points*


Onua: :???: Visorak can point?


*They all run over to the "roadkill"*


Gali: Is it really roadkill?


Takanuva: No.




BEC: It'sdefinitelynotroadkillbecausetomeitlooksmorelikeasquishedpie!


Fred: How are you still hyper? We aren't even at the Inn!


BEC: Itooktheextrastrengthlonglastingsugar! :D


Fred: ...They make that?


Onua: Wait a second, since vehicles hover, then how did that pie get run over?


BEC: Becausethesugardiditobviously!


Fred: Shut up.


Nokama: If I had to take a guess, I'd say it had something to do with Tahu and Matau being allowed to drive.


Tahu & Matau: HEY!


Gali: You have a point there.


Lewa: You know, it's a good thing Tava's not here. I wonder what he's doing now...


*Back at The Nuva Inn*


OF: I'm bored...Tava: I know! Wanna hear me recite pi to 80 quadrillion decimal places?


OF: Not really.


Tava: Great! Here I go! 3.141592653589793223...


*OF groans*


Zaktan: Where are all the trash cans around here?


OF: I confiscated them.




Tava: ...928739048608127340876259827438527043867087408375082765...




OF: Finally! A distraction!


*OF opens the door, and Toa Onewa walks in*




Onewa: :blink: Umm...what?


Tava: ...9273605812763457028760982374965209854923659876951487983792856...


Onewa: What's he doing?


OF: Reciting pi.


Onewa: Weird. Is he always like this?


OF: Yeah, pretty much. Anyway, what did you want? Our usual staff's busy on a random quest, so I'm in charge here. Along with this pi-obsessed Toa and Zaktan. Can I get your autograph? I'm your biggest fan!


Onewa: Umm...I guess so...


*Onewa signs OF's mask*




Onewa: Okay, look, I'm here trying to find Matau and his group. I finally made it back here from Pluto, and now they're gone!


OF: Why do you want to find them?


Onewa: FOR REVENGE! Umm...I mean...to help them! Yeah! Obviously.


OF: Oh, okay then. That seems reasonable. They left with the Nuva off toward Ga-Metru.


Onewa: Thanks! But I'm tired from walking all the way here from Pluto. Can I stay a night?


OF: Sure, just check in at the front desk.


Tava: I'm the temporary front desky person!


Onewa: Okay, I'd like a room for the night.


Tava: That'll be 3.14 pies.


Onewa: :huh:


*Back with the Nuva and co...*


Takanuva: Weird. It looks like there's a whole trail of squished pies leading off that way! It seems to be going in the general direction of Ga-Metru.


Lewa: I wonder if this is some kind of trap?


Gali: :sarcastic: NO, I think that these pies obviously just happened to land in a perfectly straight line leading away from where Tava's church used to be!


Pohatu: Wait, seriously? What an amazing coincidence!


Gali: *anime style faint*


Lewa: :blink: Since when could we do that in TNI?


Lewa0111: Since I thought it would be funny.


Lewa: Cool, I want to try! *anime style faint*


BEC: Myturntofaintnowbeforethehypernesswearsoff! *anime style faint*


Fred: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! *midair anime style faint*


Tahu: Let me try! *anime style faint*


Takanuva: :happydance: *anime style faint*


Kopaka: *anime style faint*


Onua: Wow, we learn new skills every day! *anime style faint*


Pohatu: What? What did I say? Oh well. *anime style faint*


Matau: Umm...guys? WAKE UP! We have a quest to go on, remember? I need my DVD back!


Nokama: That was just weird.


Boggarak: They probably all fainted just to drag out this horrible crossover longer.


Keelerak: Stop being such a pessimist.


TNI!Lewa0111: Well, since this is the topic for The Nuva Inn, I guess we just wait until they wake up...?


AM!!Lewa0111: What's with the anime faints, anyway?


TNI!Lewa0111: To be honest, I'm not sure. I thought it would be funny, and then before long, the entire cast did it.


AM!!Lewa0111: You STILL need some comedy tips, me.


TNI!Lewa0111: Don't remind me.


AM!!Lewa0111: So when do we start again?


TNI!Lewa0111: In Ask Matau!, of course!


AM!!Lewa0111: Right, that makes sense. My turn to author!


Keelerak: But "author" isn't a verb...


Both Lewa0111s: WHO ASKED YOU!?




Narrator: ...Onua? Onua?


Whenua: He's still fainted.


Narrator: Oh, right! Hey, awesome! An entire extro to myself! ...Wait, did I just call it an "extro?" ARGH!


Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 983 words. Huh, that's short.


~Lewa# Studios


:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 29 2014 - 04:55 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)
ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

#89 Offline Railblazer

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Posted Mar 05 2012 - 10:13 AM

Has anyone told you, Lewa0111, that you post chapters too quickly? How else do you expect to receive a fair number of replies?As for the chapter itself, I'm not sure how a hovering car managed to find itself 1,000 feet in the air. A flying car yes, but not a hover car.I guess Onua's influence has rubbed off onto the narrator. Besides, "extro" sounds cool.
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#90 Offline Toa of Gallifrey

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Posted Mar 05 2012 - 07:00 PM

OH MY GOSH! If Both Lewa0111s (new word) are in TNI then how are the AM sets?*Gali1000 is at The Mahrii Inn so everything at the AM sets is random chaos*
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#91 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Oct 10 2012 - 04:22 PM

A new chapter of TNI is now available for your reading enjoyment!


The Pieva Inn

A PIEONICLE comedy by Pie!

Chapter PIE32: Continued From Ask Matau! OR When Will The Pieness End?


*Last time, the crossover saga continued in Ask Matau!, and the Toa Nuva helped Matau answer some questions while waiting. Waiting for what, you might ask? Well, for our two authors to STOP SPENDING HOURS ON END TALKING TO EACH OTHER, that's what!*


Lewa0111: Hey, CWG! Keep that up, and you'll be fired next!


* :fear: *


Lewa0111: That's better. The other me left to go and oversee Ask Matau!, so that won't happen again, anyway. Narrator, go ahead and start.


Narrator: Gladly! Today, we join the Toa Nuva and the cast of Ask Matau!, still en route to Ga-Metru.


Onua: Can I bring up something that's been bothering me lately?


Narrator: No...


Onua: Great, thanks. Because the fact is that all of the entire last Ask Matau! chapter, we accomplished absolutely nothing except waited for the two authors to finish talking! Which makes that a completely pointless filler episode!


Narrator: I said no!


Kopaka: And I said AAAAAAAAAA...oh, wait, you're not Takanuva. My bad.


Onua & Narrator: :blink:


Narrator: At any rate, you said so yourself that you accomplished something. The authors aren't talking to each other for hours on end anymore, now, are they? So therefore it wasn't technically a filler.


Onua: Well, we've pretty much done the same thing with the authors for every chapter of the quest. They all start out all "Lol, the authors are talking, let's sit around and wait for them to finish, lolololol!"


Narrator: ... :blink:


Onua: What?


Narrator: Did you just pronounce the word "Lol" out loud? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!


Onua: ...I hate you. Again.


Narrator: Well, with that out of the way, we join the extremely understaffed group remaining in The Nuva Inn as they try to singlehandedly run the entire hotel by themselves.


Onua: Okay, I have to admit, at least that's original. For once we aren't starting with the quest group.


Narrator: Yay, I finally impressed Onua with something!


Onua: ...Don't get too excited. It was a one-time thing.


Narrator: Whatever. Anyway, back to Tava.


Tava: Thank you, you're in room 563421. That'll be 193,222,109 pies please.


Random Matoran #35: Here you go!


*Random Matoran #35 dumps a huge pile of pies onto the front desk*


Tava: PIE! Zaktan, you can be the bellbottom for him. Carry his luggage up to the 563rd story.


Zaktan: But I'm busy janitating by tossing everything into trash cans! We sure are understaffed...


Tava: Fine, then make Onewa Fan do it!


Zaktan: Good point. Where is that guy, anyway?


*They both glance over to see OF sitting at the computer playing games*




OF: It's bellboy, and I'm busy.


Zaktan: Fine, then, take this!


*Zaktan tosses a trash can at OF, but somehow misses and hits Tava instead*


Tava: Mmmf mmfmmmff mmmmmf! (Translation: Help! There's no pies in here!)


Zaktan: OF, you're next! Get up and help already!


OF: No way! I'm busy!


Zaktan: Being on the computer isn't an excuse!


OF: No, you're right. So now I'm in the pool instead!


*OF jumps in the pool*


Zaktan: *sighs* The one place I can't go to bury you in trash cans! Oh well. I'll just carry the bags up myself, then.


OF: Woo hoo! This is fun! Let's try the hot tub now!


Tava: *jumps out of the trash can* Wait, OF, don't--


*OF jumps into the hot tub (which is still full of the Energized Protodermis from Chapter 4) and there's a hissing noise*


Zaktan: YES! Finally, he's gone! :happydance:


Tava: But now you can't throw him into trash cans anymore...


Zaktan: That's okay, I'll just use you for that instead!


Tava: Uh-oh.


*The hot tub starts bubbling like crazy, and then suddenly OF comes out of the EP as a Toa*


OF: I am Onewa Fan, Toa of Obsessions!


*OF blasts Zaktan with an obsession ray*


Zaktan: I like chairs! Chairs! CHAIRS!! Wheeeeeee!!


OF: I guess my powers aren't exactly tested yet...


Zaktan: CHAIRS!!


*Zaktan starts running around hyperly and sitting on every chair in the hotel*


OF: Does this Toa thing have a "reverse" button?


Tava: Never mind, leave him to me. PIE!


*Tava bakes an anti-obsession pie in five seconds and pies Zaktan in the face with it*


Zaktan: :dazed: Where am I? And why do I suddenly have a lingering desire to sit in a bunch of chairs?


OF: Well, at least he's back to normal. Now what? I've got Toa powers..


Tava: Well, we could always think about going to help the others. After we take care of this huge mob of Matoran standing outside the door...


Huge Mob of Matoran: WE WANT TO STAY! WE WANT TO STAY!!


Tava, OF, and Zaktan: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!


Narrator: Back with the Toa Nuva and Matau's group, everyone is pretty much just sitting around. Kopaka has a portable DVD player for some reason...hey, what a boring scene! Onua was right.


Onua: HA!


Narrator: I am never saying those words again, I swear.


Takanuva: You know, guys, we should think of something better to do than just sit here. PIE Every second that we waste, PIE the pie is PIE taking over! PIE See what I mean?


Lewa: Where's that PIE stupid Rahkshi PIE when you PIE need him?


Mutaoo: Yuo meen this own? PIE


RLC: Ha, ha!


Lewpa: Oh, just shut up PIE and get PIE rid of the pie in our sentences.


RLC: Fine. There you go!


Lewa: Finally. On the bright side, at least we're back in our own comedy again.


Tahu: I agree with Takanuva, though. We should get going! Everybody in the car, I'm driving!!


Fred: NO!! *strangles Tahu with vines*


Everyone else: Thank you!


Gali1: Well, I think we should just stop sitting around and follow that trail of pies we spotted earlier.


Onua: Even if it's a trap? It seems a bit too obvious.


Gali1: Especially if it's a trap. That way we're guaranteed to be brought straight to the source of this pie madness. And Matau's DVD, too, most likely.


Matau: Awesome! Then I'm all for it, let's go!


Gali2: I agree with my other self.


Oohnorak: Aww, but I liked laying around doing nothing!


Lewa: Just be quiet, everyone! I'm the manager, and I say the sooner we follow these pies, the sooner we can be done with this quest and get back to the Inn, and the sooner I can lounge around all day...I mean do important managery stuff. Yeah. So let's go! Also, Takanuva, do you want to drive?


Takanuva: No.




Lewa: Fine, then, Gali's driving.


Tahu & Matau: :(


*The two Galis combine into one and the Toa Nuva all drive off*


Matau: Hey, how come we suddenly can't fit in that car any more! What happened?


Nokama: *SLAP!* That was you, moron! You broke the back Ussanui off of the front when you did that crazy flipping midair dive, remember?


Matau: Oh yeah. That sure was cool, though, huh?


Nokama: No, it wasn't.


Whenua: Great, so what do we do now?


Keelerak: Let's just wait until we're back in our own comedy. I'm sure something will happen then.


Matau: Good idea.


*Back in the "car" with the Toa Nuva...*


BEC: HeylookatthisguesswhatIfoundguyssomebodyleftawholebunchofsugarintheglovecompartment! NowI'mhyperagainyippee!


Fred: :sick: Ugh.


Gali: We have glove compartments in this car?


Takanuva: No.




Gali: Then how--never mind.


BEC: Idon'tcareaboutwhetherornotwehaveglovecompartmentsaslongasthere'sSUGARinthem! :D


Fred: Why did it have to be his shoulder, of all places?


Narrator: The eight travellers drove for a long time, up mountains and through valleys, until they arrived at an eerily deserted portion of Ta-Metru. No Matoran were in sight, but a large building shaped like a giant pie dominated the scene.


Pohatu: Hey, you wanna know what would be funny? If it turned out the group behind this pie madness was living in that pie-shaped building this entire time.


Tahu: :sarcastic: You don't say?


Gali: Come on, let's go in!


Takanuva: It looks kinda creepy. I don't know...


Onua: Oh, please, darkness isn't creepy at all! It's perfectly visible!


Takanuva: Yeah, for you maybe.


Lewa: Let's just go inside. We've all been around Tava long enough. Pie-shaped buildings aren't creepy.


BEC: I think it's really creepy. It's so creepy, it took away my hyperness!


Fred: Now that's creepy.


Narrator: They walked inside the mysterious building after parking the car. Inside, they saw that the entire thing was made of different kinds of pie, but all of the pie gave off an evil aura.


Lewa0111: What are you, a prose writer wannabe?


Narrator: I'm allowed to be an author if I want to!


Lewa0111: Between me, my Ask Matau! self, Gali1000, and Lehrak1222, not to mention the occasional GregF cameos, I think this comedy has enough authors running around. Besides, you got fired once, don't let it happen again!


Narrator: Aww...fine.


Onua: You know what's really weird about this place? Everything about it is pie.


Tahu: Obviously...and your point is?


Onua: I mean everything is pie, the food. No sign of pi, the number. Tava always was obsessed with both.


*Suddenly, they come across two doors with handles made of pumpkin pie, and the doors themselves made of solid French Silk Pie. Across the top was a banner that constantly repeated the words: "THE SANCTUARY OF PIE, THE MOST POWERFUL SUBSTANCE IN THE MATORAN UNIVERSE." Then it ran past the doors and was lost to sight.*


Lewa0111: Now you, too, Caption Writing Guy?




Onua: Who really says "Ehehe" anymore, anyway?


Random Matoran #35: Ehehe...


Onua: Okay, I stand corrected.


Lewa: Something tells me the source of all of this is just beyond those doors. I'd better call for backup.


Gali: Backup?


*Lewa puts on the Mask of Vahki and summons 300 Vahki to join them*


Vahki1: <Error. Pie and sweetness overloading my system...> *leaves*


Vahki2: <Error. Pie and sweetness overloading my system...>*leaves*


Vahki3: <Pickles>


All Vahki: < :blink: >


Vahki4: <Error. Microsoft has encountered a problem and needs to close>


Lewa: I knew I should have used Macintosh!


Tahu: No time for that, we'd better go in.


*They all open the doors, and walk inside the central room to see...*


Toa Nuva: :OMG:


BEC: *gulp*


Fred: What the...!?


*Inside, they saw rows upon rows of canisters of...PIEONICLE figures, displayed as 'the Toy you can Eat!' The canisters featured such names as Pierok, Pierok Va, Rahkpie, Piea Nuva, Piea Metpi, and Pieraka, all inside canisters made of different flavors of Pie. Instead of Kanoka codes, different numbers of Pi were written there, and everything was sold for $3.14.*


Lewa: It can't be! PIEONICLE? Impossible!


Takanuva: Don't you mean impiessible?


Gali: Is this really the time for stupid pie-based puns?


Narrator: But the worst part of all was the--


*HEY! Who's narrating here?*


Narrator: You're the caption writing guy, I'M the narrator. As I was saying, the worst part of all was the computer set up in the center, featuring a display of...PieonicleZone Power?




Lewa: I'll handle this.


Narrator: But before Lewa could do anything to deactivate PZP, ten figures approached. All of them resembled the Toa Nuva and their companions, but, naturally, each was made out of Pie instead.


Mysterious Figure 1: I am Piehu, Piea of Cherry Pie!


Mysterious Figure 2: I am Pieli, Piea of Blueberry Pie!


Third figure: I am Piewa, Piea of Key Lime Pie!


Fourth figure: I am Piehatu, Piea of Chocolate Pie!


Fifth Figure: I am Piepaka, Piea of Coconut Pie!


Sixth Figure: I am Pienua, Piea of Black Licorice Pie!


All Toa: :blink: Black Licorice Pie?


Pienua: What? How many black-colored Pie flavors do you know?


Tahu: I'm sure Tava has thought up a few.


Seventh Figure: Quiet! We haven't finished yet! I am Piekanuva, Piea of Lemon Merengue Pie!


Eighth Figure: I am Pie Eyes Commander, and I'm just a random Pietoran who is obsessed with sugar.


Ninth Figure: And I am Frpied, a Pieaata.


Fred: Really? "Frpied?"


Lewa: Ha. We're not scared of you, this is just a repeat of the Rahkshi saga! We know all about defeating our opposites! Now let's beat you and get back to our hotel before we waste any more time with this ridiculous quest.


Tenth Figure: I think not. For I am Piewa3.141, author of PIEONICLE! None of you are leaving this place!


Lewa0111: Bring it on!


Piewa3.141: You forgot about our secret weapon: PieonicleZonePower! PZP members, attack!


PZP members: Yay for PIEONICLE! Defeat these imposters!


Fred: Hey, wait a minute! Who's the impostors here?


Piewa: That would be you. :evilgrin:


Tahu: This looks bad.




Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1!one!!!


Lewa0111: Umm...now what? Let's hope Matau and the others can save us! The next chapter will be in Ask Pietau...wait, "Pietau?" Uh-oh...better end it here, quick!


Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 2,134 pies.


~Piewa# Studios


:pierunu: Piewa3.141 :pierunu:

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Dec 15 2014 - 03:00 AM.

  • 0
My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)
ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

#92 Offline Toa Malachives

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Posted Dec 09 2014 - 08:36 PM

Awesome comedy, I love it
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#93 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Dec 15 2014 - 05:35 AM

At long last, I'm back. For those of you who haven't been reading my blog posts, with the loss of the archives it's taken me a while to get over my writer's block and work on finishing up this comedy. But I've decided to go full steam ahead on this one as part of my holiday gift toa ll of my fans!


Pohatu: Who's Toa Ll? Are they a new character for 2015? How do you pronounce that, anyway?


I meant "to all," not "Toa Ll"...hey, get back here, you!


RLC: Ha, ha! *teleports away*


I hate Rahkshi sometimes. Anyway, let's go! Enjoy an extra-length finale to the quest to make up for the long hiatus!




The Pieva Pie

A PIEONICLE piemedy by Pie!

Chapter PIE33: The End of Pieonicle OR Let's Hope This Is Really The End...


Narrator: So last time, in Ask Matau!, Matau's group--AACK!


Onua: "Matau's group aack?" That makes no sense. Worst recap ever.


Narrator: Hey, it's not my fault! I keep getting pummeled with pie!


Onua: What are you talking abou--


*A blast of Black Licorice Pie flies out of nowhere and completely smothers him*


Pienua: Ha, ha! PIEONICLE will rule! Face the wrath of my Pie powers!


Onua: Oh, no you don’t.


*Onua tries to summon a wave of dirt, but nothing happens*


Onua: Huh? My powers don’t work!


Pienua: That’s right! Here, you’re in PIEONICLE’s realm. Even the ground itself is made of Pie! So, of course, my own powers work just fine… *slams Onua with rapid-fire Black Licorice Pies*


Onua: ...That’s still the stupidest flavor ever… *faints*


Pienua: WHO ASKED YOU!?!?!?!?!?


Pohatu: By the way, I-- *knocked over by a gigantic avalanche of Chocolate Pie*


Piehatu: Take that!


Tahu: Our elemental powers are useless here! I could really use some Exo-Toa right about now.


Lewa: What are you talking about? *summons a tornado that slams Piewa into the ceiling* My powers work fine!




*Piehu backflips away from the ‘burnmad’ emoticon just in time, and pies Tahu in the face with a Cherry Pie*


Tahu: Oww... *faints*


Lewa: I guess they can't make the air out of Pie, or else no one would be able to breathe. That's great news for me! *starts buffeting Piehu with rapid-fire bursts of air*


Piehu: This buffet is terrible--no pies at all, and the only thing being served are bursts of air! That does it! *returns fire with more Cherry Pies*


Takanuva: That was a terrible pun. Eat light, Piehu!


*Before he can raise his staff, a huge clump of Lemon Merengue Pie lassoes it and yanks it out of his hands, to where Piekanuva catches the weapon*




Kopaka: Ah. *nonchalantly dodges a blast of Coconut Pie from Piepaka*


Fred: Eat plants, stupidly-named Pieaata!


*Frpied slithers away from the vines trying to rap him up*


Vines: Yo, Frpied, get back here,

We need you all to disappear,

Pieonicle's dumb and so are you,

Bionicle's in the house, yo, too bad for you!


Fred: I wanted the regular vines, not the rapper vines! Darn it... *gets squished by a falling Pie Tree summoned by Frpied*


Frpied: You're no match for the power of Pie! Face my--


*BEC runs him over due to his hyperness*


BEC: GetoutofthewayyoustupidPieaatanobodylikesyouanyway! SomebodygimmemoresugarbecauseImhyperhyperhyperhyperwheeeeeeeeeeee!!


*Pie Eyes Commander runs hyperly through the PIEONICLE lines and the two smash into each other, creating a nuclear explosion made of pie*


Everyone Besides BEC/PEC:  :dazed:


BEC: Okaythatdoesitnobodysallowedtobemorehyperthanmegetoverhereandletmebeatyouup!


PEC: NeverIamthetruehypermasterwithallofmypreciousSugarPies! Youretheonewhoisanimpostor!


*They get into a fight that goes by so fast due to their hyperness that it is over in 3.14 seconds, with both having simultaneously knocked each other out*


Onua: Well, that was pointless. Everyone, we'll need to combine our strengths if we want to win.


Gali: Thanks, Onua! I love Unity! Let's combine and--


*A tidal wave of Blueberry Pie smashes into her*




Pieli: There's no water here, only Blueberry Pie!  :evilgrin:


Gali: Uh-oh...


Pohatu: *grabs a rock* Anybody order some rocks?


Piehatu: Ha! You think you can stop me?


*Pohatu's rock starts crumbling*


Pohatu: Hey, this isn't a rock, this is just very stale Chocolate Pie!


Piehatu: Yep! *WHUNT!*


Pohatu:  Oww... *faints*


Lewa: Gali? Onua? Anyone? I could use some help here...


Narrator: But no help came. Lewa was on his own with Piekanuva, Piewa, and Piehu all closing in on him. The rest of the Toa Nuva (and BEC and Fred) were either knocked out or busy with their own battles. It looked like the end...


Lewa: Hey, whose side are you on!?!?!?!?!?


Pohatu: By the way...I...love...exclamation.. *faints*


Pierrator: ...And it WAS the end. The Piea all defeated the Toa and PIEONICLE ruled over everything forever and ever. And that is the way of the PIEONICLE.


Narrator: Who do you think you are?


Pierrator: Better at narrating than you!


Narrator: Yeah, right. Get back here!


Pierrator: I'd like to see you try!


Lewa: A narrator fighting a pierrator? Now I've seen everything...


Piewa3.141: PIEONICLE does need its authors, too, you know! There's me, the Pierrator, and even a Caption Writing Pie!


*Wait, what?*


<That's right, it's me, the CWP!>


*Oh, you've got to be kidding...*
















*Fighting noises!*


<"Fighting noises?">


*Yeah, I ran out of ideas...*


<See? This is why PIEONICLE is superior!>


Piewa3.141: We will defeat you all, get you out of the way, and then I will go on to write a new comedy: The Pieva Inn!


Lewa0111:  :OMG: NEVER!!


Piewa3.141: Look, we've basically won. Just give up.


Lewa0111: Ah, but you're forgetting one thing!


Piewa3.141: And what thing is that?


Lewa0111: This happens to be a crossover saga...  :sly:


Piewa3.141: Wait, what--oh no--


Lewa0111: Take it away, Narrator!


Narrator: With a *crash*, the cheese pie ceiling of the building caved in all at once, with huge chunks of the stuff raining down on the Piea. Matau, Nokama, Whenua, and the rest of the Ask Matau! crew were now in the middle of the battlefield, surrounding a very happy- and stuffed-looking Roporak.


Matau: Well, looks like it's my favorite part--the part where the amazing Toa-Hero Matau arrives to save the day! Get out of here, you impostors!


Lewa: Great, you can help get us out of this! Matau, let's combine our powers since we're the only element that can actually work in this place.


Matau: Nah, that sounds stupid. I have a better idea--let's combine our powers!


*Nokama facepalms*


Narrator: A few seconds later, a massive tornado blew through the room, picking up the remaining PIEONICLE characters and flinging them into the walls, knocking them all out of commission. Somehow, the tornado left the Toa Nuva unharmed as well.


Pierrator: WRONG! The tornado did nothing and all the Toa Nuva died and PIEONICLE won. The end!


Narrator: Not the end, that was a terrible description anyway!


Onua: I agree, that description made Narrator's stuff look good!


Narrator: Exactly! ...Hey, wait...


Piewa3.141: Now it's my turn to surprise you, Lewa0111! Did you forget about my PZP members? Attack!


*The horde of PieonicleZonePower members charge out of the next room and attack the Toa and other BIONICLE characters*


Nokama: Brace yourselves, everyone!


Matau: Hey, does that include me?


Nokama: Well, yeah...


Matau: Cool, you care about me! That means we're dating now!


Boggarak: Here comes the slap...


Nokama: *sigh* For once you're right, given the whole point of our half of this quest is to find that DVD so we can take up that offer...


Boggarak: OH, COME ON!


Nokama: Just don't let it go to your head, Matau.


Matau: YEAH! I was right, I was right, I was right for once! I was riiiiiiiiiight! I'm so awesome!


Nokama: Ugh. Too late.


Keelerak: Uh, guys? Did you forget about the onrushing horde of PieonicleZonePower members about to attack us all?


Matau: I knew I was forgetting something! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!


Kopaka: Hey, that's my line! *gets a pile of Coconut Pie dumped on his head*


Lewa0111: You know what? We haven't checked on the three running the Inn in a while. (Ha ha, "inn in!") I wonder how they're doing?






*Meanwhile, back at the Inn...*




Tava: Finally, the last Matoran is checked in! Now time to count my earnings...*starts rummaging through a giant pile of pies*


Zaktan: ...And we're out of rooms, so you can just stay in here.


*Zaktan chucks the last Matoran into a trash can*


Random Matoran #35: But I don't want to-- *lid slams shut*


Zaktan:  :D


OF: I love my new Toa powers! Watch this! *zaps a bunch of Matoran*


Random Matoran #1: I love frogs! Gonna go find frogs right now! FROGS!!




Random Matoran #26: Dominoes are awesome!


Random Matoran #37: The pizza, or the objects?


Random Matoran #26: Both!  :D


Random Matoran #2786354265: I love Zaktans! Hey, there's Zaktan over there! I WANT TO HUG YOU ZAKTAN!


Zaktan: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! *flies away while being chased by Random Matoran #2786354265*


OF: Hmm...maybe I could still use some practice...


Tava: And that's exactly 3,141,592 pies. Good work today, everyone! Thanks!


Zaktan: You're welcome! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! *flies back and forth while still being chased*


OF:  :popcorn:


Random Matoran #18723: I LOVE POPCORN GIMME GIMME GIMME! *yanks popcorn out of OF's hands*


OF: On second thought, maybe these powers aren't so great after all. Hey, Tava, now that everyone's been checked in, shouldn't we go and see if the Toa Nuva need our help?


Tava: Sure, why not. The Inn will be fine for a few hours!


OF: But who's going to watch it while we're gone?


Tava: Easy! Watch: "Zqbfm! Cool!  :br: Copyrights! Nerdy stuff!"


*A bunch of running joke characters appear*


RLC: Hey, no one's allowed to make typos except me!


Turaga Matau: That's my line, don't steal it!




Nuju: According to the theoretical theorem of particle quadratics...


Tava: Okay, you guys watch the Inn for us, we'll be back later!


*Tava, OF, and Zaktan (still chased by that random Matoran) run out of the Inn*


*awkward silence*


Turaga Matau: ...So...anybody no enee jokez? HEY!


RLC: Ha, ha!


Keetongu: Get back here you irritating little Rahkshi!




Nuju:  :blink: ...I had best extricate myself from these premises forthwith! Cease and desist this at once, you obviously confused Matoran!


Turaga Matau: These Matoran here sure are weirder than usual. Oh well! Hey, anybody want any pie?




*Back with the Toa Nuva and co...*




Nokama: Hey, is that rain?


Keelerak: Yep, definitely rain!


Pieli: Impossible! You broke the roof! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Nokama: So that means...yes! EAT WATER, PIEA!


*Nokama summons a huge stream of water that sends several PZP members and Pieli crashing into the wall*


Whenua: So does this work now, too? *summons a clump of dirt*


Oohnorak: My turn! *tries and fails to summon anything*


Boggarak: Oohnorak, you moron, Visorak don't have elemental powers!


Oohnorak: We don't? Aww...


Keelerak: Speak for yourselves, I like my Rhotuka spinners just fine, thank you! *launches a spinner into a PZP member's mouth*


PZP member: Yuck! That tastes awful! *faints*


Lewa: Guys? Toa Nuva? Uh...wake up?


Tahu: Zzz...burn stuff...zzz...*lights a PZP member on fire while sleeping*


Lewa: *sigh* Close enough. Come on, everyone, let's go!


Matau: Have a nice hurricane, you annoying pie-worshipping crazies!


Nokama: My turn!


*They combine their powers to summon a huge hurricane*


Whenua: Let me try! *throws some earth into the mix*


Tahu: Zzz...lighters...matches...ovens...zzz... *shoots a fireball into the hurricane in his sleep*


Pohatu: Huh? What? Hey, what did I miss? *chucks some stone at the hurricane*


*Pieli wakes up and starts to attack the unconscious Kopaka*


Takanuva: NO!! LEAVE HIM ALONE! *blasts light everywhere*


Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! LEAVE HIM ALONE! *reflexively shoots several chunks of ice at Pieli, sending her flying into the hurricane*


Takanuva: That was weird...


Kopaka: Yeah. Hey, did you say something before? I missed that, I was sleeping.


Takanuva: Nope, of course not, I definitely didn't try to save your life. I still hate you.


Kopaka: Okay then. Hey, what the--


Narrator: The hurricane, now with all elements combined inside it, then started to turn into a huge glob of Energized Protodermis mixed with Blueberry Pie from Pieli.


Takanuva: This doesn't look good...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


*The hurricane sucks Takanuva due to standing too close to it*


Kopaka: No.


Narrator: At that moment, everyone froze in place (partially due to the hurricane, and partially due to a stray blast from Kopaka) as they watched the hurricane transform into Energized Protodermis, which then began to bubble violently. At the same time, Tava, OF, Zaktan, and Random Matoran #2786354265 ran into the building, then looked for the door and ran through the door instead. Everyone watched as the bubbling EP solidified and a very familiar-looking figure emerged...


PieTakaBlueNuva: I, PieTakaBlueNuva, have returned!


All Piea: Oh no...


Piewa3.141: IMPOSSIBLE!


Lewa0111: Very possible.


Piewa3.131: But...how...no one can override my author powers!


Lewa0111: No one maybe, but two? Now that's a different story.


AM!Lewa0111: Hi, sorry I'm late!


Piewa3.141: No!




Everyone:  :blink:


PieTakaBlueNuva: PIEONICLE is finished. Down with PZP!


*PieTakaBlueNuva smashes the computer screen, destroying PZP's servers and deleting all of the PZP members*


Tava: Wow, this...got...out of control.


Onua: Yeah, no kidding. Wait, what are you doing here? Who's watching the Inn?


Tava: The running jokes are! And we thought you might need some help. OF's a Toa now.


OF: Yep! Watch! *zaps Piewa3.141*


Piewa3.141: I love turkey! *runs away to eat some turkey*


Lewa0111: You can even affect Author Beings now? I don't know whether to be impressed or scared.


Matau: Wait a minute, I just got the greatest idea in the history of great ideas, mostly because I'm the one who came up with it, of course. Tava, are you hungry?


Lewa:  Why would you even need to ask that?


Tava: Of course...hey, I just realized everything in here is made out of Pie!


Whenua: Wow, talk about slow on the uptake.


Matau: In that case...Tava, eat as much Pie as you want! Just leave PieTakawhatevernuva alone.




*Tava runs around faster than BEC on a sugar rush, gobbling up every bit of Pie in sight, including all of the Piea, Frpied, and PEC*


Gali: That was a surprisingly easy resolution. Why didn't we think of that to begin with?


Matau: Because none of you are as awesome as me, obviously.


Oohnorak: I beg to differ, I'm way better than you!


Matau: No, you are not. *blows Oohnorak all the way back to the house*


*Tava suddenly chomps down on a pirate hat*


Tava: Hey, this isn't a pie! What's this doing here?


*Tava yanks up the pirate hat to reveal an entire pirate emoticon with a body attached*


Everyone: BOB THE PIRATE!?!?!?!?!?


Pohatu: By the way, I--


Lewa: Old joke, ruining a dramatic moment, not funny.


Matau: HA! Found you at last! Now where's my DVD?


Bob the Pirate: First of all, you forgot the emoticon, and second, why should I tell you?


Matau: That does it, you're coming with us. Keelerak, would you do the honors?


Keelerak: Gladly! *wraps Bob up in webbing*


PieTakaBlueNuva: Well, the Pie madness is over. Time for me to un-fuse. *un-fuses back into Takanuva and Pieli*


Takanuva: That's better. Guess it's finally time to head back to the Inn.


Lewa: *shudders* I can only imagine what these three and now the Running Jokes have done to the place...


Gali: I doubt it will be too much worse than the average School's Out Special Edition chapter.


Lewa: Good point. Well, Matau, it's been fun. Come stay at the Inn any time!


Matau: Do we get to stay for free now that we're friends?


Lewa: WHAT!? NO! That's precious money I'd be throwing away!


Matau: Geez, selfish much?


Nokama: You're one to talk.


Matau: Thanks! ...I think that was a compliment? Maybe?


Nokama: Goodbye, everyone!


AM!Lewa0111: We'll have to do this again sometime! This crossover was fun!


TNI!Lewa0111: Thanks for the save, me.


*The Ask Matau! crew leaves with the wrapped-up Bob the Pirate in tow*


Onua: So, did anyone remember where we left the car? ...Anyone?


*The "car" revs up the engine outside*


Tahu: Hop in, I found it! I call driving!


Everyone:  :fear:


Tahu: What?




Onua: Finally, this saga is over. Took you long enough to finish it...


Narrator: Hey, don't blame me! Blame Lewa0111!


Lewa0111: Hey, don't blame me! Blame the hackers who took down the archives!


Hackers: Hey, don't blame me! Blame me!


Lewa0111: Okay, sure, I do blame you.


Hackers: Wait...


Narrator: Only me and Onua are allowed in this extro anyway! ...ARGH!


Lewa0111: I outrank you.


Narrator: Oh yeah.


Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 2,706 words.


:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva  :mirunu:

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Dec 16 2014 - 03:15 AM.

  • 2
My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)
ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

#94 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
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  • Premier Members
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  • 07-February 06
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Posted Jan 03 2015 - 07:21 AM

Wow, no replies...oh well! A note before we begin: the one-shot "Nuva Year's Eve" takes place between the end of the last chapter and the beginning of this one. That's all, enjoy!


The Nuva Inn

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 34: Deck the Inn with Songs of Weirdness OR A Belated Naming Day Celebration


Onua: Oh no...


Narrator: Really? We're still doing this after who knows how long of a hiatus?


Onua: Of course! I'm having way too much fun bothering you to stop now.


Narrator: *sighs* Figures...


Onua: Just PLEASE don't tell me we're doing the singing contest again? Christmas is over! We have at least until next year, don't we?


Narrator: We've been over this: first of all, the titles are not my job, that's the Title Writing Guy's. And second, weren't you there for Nuva Year's Eve? You all discussed the belated Naming Day celebrations over there. In fact, you were the one with the idea at the end, which was probably the very contest you're complaining about!


Onua: True, but I didn't realize that counted!


Narrator: Of course it does. Canonically this chapter takes place right after Nuva Year's Eve.


Onua: Whoa, waitwaitwait, slow down, hang on. Lewa0111 comedies have CANON!?!?!?!?!?!?!?


Pohatu: By the way, I--


*Onua passes out from the shock, landing on Pohatu in the process*


Narrator: *dumps smellingsalts on Onua* Wakey wakey, we're opening! We join the Toa Nuva as they open their gifts from Toa Santa, a week late.


*In the lobby...*


Lewa: Cool! I got W999,999,999,999,999 and a new smoothie maker! Thanks, Toa Santa!


Gali: I don't think he can hear you...


Lewa: Don't care. Bye now!


*Lewa jumps into his solid gold private elevator and elevates away*


Tahu: What's this? It doesn't look like lighter fluid...


Takanuva: No.




Takanuva: That's a tablet of pardon. You're no longer under arrest for setting everything on fire!


Tahu: Oh, cool. Hey Vahki! See this? You can stop trying to arrest me now!


All Vahki: <Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...>


*The Vahki stop trying to break down the door and walk away*


Onua: What did you get, Gali?


Gali: A new hot tub for the hotel, complete with water! You know, to replace the EP-filled one that's caused so much trouble.


*A Matoran in the pool area screams, there's a hissing sound, and suddenly a giant mutated Nui-Rama emerges from the old hot tub to wreak havoc on Metru Nui*


Onua:  :mellow: I...see your point. Wait, how could a water-filled hot tub fit in a gift box?


Gali: Putting an Olmak inside a TARDIS can do some weird things.


Onua: Okay then. Well, I got mining stuff. I'm set.


Tahu: BO-RING!


Onua: Shut up.


Pohatu: I got a couch potato!


Takanuva: Uh...that isn't a couch potato, that's a Lewa Nuva action figure. Maybe don't mention that little slip-up to our manager...




Pohatu: *sighs* Why is it always me? It was an honest mistake...


Tava: Who cares, I got pies! Look, there's Naming Day Cookie Pies, Gingerbread Pies, Naming Day Tree Pies...


Everyone Else: :???: Naming Day Tree Pies?


Tava: *eats all of the pies in one bite* :D


Kopaka: I got an Anti-Takanuva radar. Just what I asked for!


Takanuva: No.




Gali: Why, Takanuva, what did you get?


Takanuva: A Mask of Light...but it's clear for some reason...


Gali: That's weird. Put it on!


Takanuva: Okay!


*Takanuva puts on the clear Mask of Light and turns back into Takua*


Takua: What the--that was weird. I prefer being a Toa, thanks.


*Takua takes it off and turns into Takanuva Nuva again*


BEC: WhoaTakanuvadidyoujustturnintoaMatoranweirdhuhwhatevermygiftisthebestbecauseIgotsuperdeluxeextrastrengthSUGARSUGARSUGARSUGAR!! WHEEEEEEE!


*BEC runs hyperly through the lobby, accidentally sending Fred flying off of his shoulder in the process*




Kopaka: Hey, you stole my line!


Fred: Oww...I really hate Toa Santa right now. Even if he did get me Miracle-Gro for my plants.


Gali: Sorry about that. Well, it looks like that's all of us! Even if Toa Santa came a bit late, at least we all got our gifts. So, what should we do now?


Onua: I know! How about we take care of the hotel, finish cleaning up the mess that Tava, Zaktan, OF, and the Running Jokes left, and then do something fun?


Kopaka: Good idea.








Gali1: *cleaning the pool* :music: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-Rahi open sleigh! Hey!


Onua: How's the cleaning coming?


Gali1: It's going pretty well...we had a bug fall in and get mutated into a Tahtorak of all things, but it jumped into the ocean so it isn't a problem. Other than that, we had no issues getting rid of the EP and installing the new hot tub.


Onua: Who's "we?"


Gali2: Her and me, duh! I know it's been a while since we did this, but did you really forget we can split into two people already?


Onua: Uhh...no, definitely didn't forget. Bye now!


Gali1 and Gali1: *in harmony* Dashing through the ice, riding on Kopaka's blades...




*In the kitchen*


Tahu: Come, they told me to BURN ALL THE STUFF! ...There's lots of tinder here so BURN ALL THE STUFF!


Onua: Hi, Tahu. How's--YIKES!


*A blast of fire narrowly misses Onua*


Onua: What was that for?


Tahu: Sorry, I thought you were Lewa. How is your cleaning going?


Onua: Actually, I'm not doing any cleaning. I'm the advertiser so Lewa told me not to. You and Tava can clean the kitchens, Gali the pool, BEC and Fred the front desk, Kopaka the everything else, and Takanuva is taking care of the construction repairs. So I just get to wander around!


Tahu: WHAT!?!?!?!? :burnmad:


Pohatu: By the way, I--


Onua: Old joke, bad timing, not funny--RUN!


*Onua and Pohatu run away from a very angry Tahu*


*They speed past Takanuva, who is busy rebuilding the garage that exploded due to Tahu's driving, while Kopaka cleans up the mess*


Takanuva: *singing to the tune of "Deck The Halls"* Should we keep letting Tahu drive? No-no-no-no-no, no-no no no!






Onua and Onua: :blink:


Takanuva: Oh, hi, I didn't notice you there. This moron keeps screaming while I'm trying to sing my song!


Onua: Maybe you should try singing something that uses the word "no" less often? ...Actually, your singing just gave me another idea.


Kopaka: Suddenly I'm worried.


Onua: *old-timey Batman voice* To the Manager's Suite, Pohatu!




*One Batman-style transition with a Pakari instead of the Bat-symbol later...*




Onua: Hey, Lewa!


Lewa: What? I'm busy!


*Onua notices a balcony with a large pit being installed outside the Manager's Suite*


Onua: :huh: What's that for?


Lewa: Umm...it's...a swimming pool.


Onua: I thought you hated water!


Lewa: Who said anything about water?


Onua: Please tell me you're not going to have that filled with money...


Lewa: Okay, fine, I won't tell you. What do you want?


Onua: :facepalm:


Pohatu: That's not even a real emoticon!


Lewa: Pohatu, shut up. Onua?


Onua: Okay, Lewa, can you get everyone together in the conference room? I have a great idea for all of us to participate in.


Lewa: But we don't have a conference room!


Onua: Isn't that what Takanuva is for?


Lewa: ...Good point. Okay, we'll be there in one hour.




*One hour later...*




Takanuva: Okay! Finished the room.


Lewa: Great! Okay, Onua, let's get this over with. My TV show is about to come on--er, I mean, I have an important deadline to meet! Budget budget deadline finances account review!


Gali1: *whispering* Sister, did you understand any of that?


Gali2: *whispering* Not. A. Thing.


Onua: Right, whatever, anyway. So, since we've been looking for a fun way to celebrate a belated Naming Day/Christmas/whatever you want to call it, and since apparently Lewa0111 comedies have canon now *cough*ThanksNarrator*/cough*, I can't believe I'm about to suggest this. We should have a holiday song contest! The prize will be one million widgets, 3.14 pies every day as long as Tava can keep making them, and a Lava Eel.


Lewa: I want that money! I'm gonna win!


Onua: No, you're going to be the judge. Unless you're fine with someone else being in charge... :sly:


Lewa: Never mind, I'm the judge! Nobody takes my manager job!


Onua: Yep, just as I thought. The other judges will be Lewa0111 and Tahu.


Gali: Wait, Lewa0111? He's the author. How is he supposed to judge the contest?


Lewa0111: Eh, I've got a lot of time on my hands lately. Good job, Onua. Now, can you explain the rules?


Onua: Sure!


Takanuva: No.




Onua: Anyway, Rule 1: Each of us will sing one song. Rule 2: The lyrics can be about whatever you want, but they have to fit the melody to a classic Christmas...er, Naming Day...carol. Rule 3: All participants have to be employees of The Nuva Inn. Rule 4: No breaking the rules. Rule 5: No cheating.


"Redundancy is redundant!" screamed Festus, hopping in through a time-comedy warp vortex from The BZ-Nui Hack Wars.


Lewa: Get this prose out of here! AAAAAAH!" he screamed suddenly. "It's affecting me too!"


"I'll stop it," grunted Pohatu as he slammed the portal shut.


Pohatu: Phew. Prose is scary...


Tahu: No kidding. I could have totally set that portal on fire, though.


Gali2: We'd rather you didn't, thanks. Anyway, Onua, that sounds like a great idea.


Onua: Thanks! Okay, any questions?


*crickets chirping*


Onua: Never mind, then. Let's go start working on our songs, everyone!


BEC: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEletssinglotsofsongsaboutsugarI'msoexcitedthisisgonnabegreat!


Fred: :sick: Could you not? Anyway, there's a Matoran at the front desk. You should probably go help him.


BEC: OkfinebutImjustsoexcited!! ThiscontestisgonnabesoawesomeFredyoushouldentertoo!


Fred: I'll think about it.


*BEC zooms by so fast he misses the front desk, runs out the doors, then turns around and runs back inside to see a Le-Matoran standing there*


BEC: HirandomMatorancanItakeyourorder?


Lewa: This isn't a fast food place! Also, what am I even doing here? I was trying to get to the Manager's Suite. Weird...Hey, who stuck this Kualsi to my back?


Le-Matoran: :superfunny:


Lewa: YOU GET BACK HERE!   :mad: 


BEC: ButbutbutLewaifyouchasehimawayhewontpayusmoneytostayhere!


Lewa: ...Right. Darn it! Fine.


BEC: CoolanywayLeMatoranhowcanIhelpyou?


Le-Matoran: My name's Cameo, and I'll take a room for one, please.


BEC: Thatllbe250722widgetsplease!


Cameo: Uhh...I can't understand you. Whatever, here's infinite widgets. Bye now!


*Cameo walks away as an infinite stream of widgets starts looping from the floor in front of the front desk and into the cash register*


BEC: OkaycoolwhateverbutthanksforallthemoneyCameo!


Fred: *facepalms* BEC, you moron.


BEC: WaitwhatdidIdothistimeIjustmadeinfinitewidgets! ...WaitasecondhowdidyoufacepalmanywayyoureaKraatayoudontevenhavehands!


Fred: Uhh...I'm not sure actually. But never mind that! Those widgets are coming from our own cash register in an infinite loop! You just let him stay for free!


BEC: UhohoopsLewasnotgoingtobehappy...


Fred: No kidding. Hopefully he'll be too distracted judging the contest to notice.


BEC: OhrightIalmostforgotwehaveasingingcontestImgonnawinImgonnawinImgonnawinwithmysongaboutsugar! :D


Fred: Maybe I shouldn't have said anything...








Onua: Hey, how come there's more space around the "The End" thing than there used to be?


Narrator: I don't know, Lewa0111 thought it looked nicer this way.


Onua: Well, it's inconsistent! Either he should go back and change every single chapter to match, or he shouldn't change it at all! If he wasn't an Author Being, I'd...


Narrator: What are you yelling at me for, then?


Onua: Because it's fun. :)


Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,871 words.




~Lewa# Studios


:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jul 03 2015 - 01:54 AM.

  • 0
My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)
ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

#95 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
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  • Premier Members
  • Toa of Hilarity

  • 07-February 06
  • 1,924 posts

Posted Jan 10 2015 - 05:37 AM

And the Christmas/Naming Day/Whatever celebration continues!

The Nuva Inn
A BIONICLE comedy by Me!
Chapter 35: Rockin' Around the Naming Day Pie OR The Singing Contest, Round 1


Narrator: Shut up, I don't want to hear it.

Onua: But I didn't even say anything yet!

Narrator: You and I both know you're going to complain about something in the title sequence, I'm going to argue with you, and it will end with us declaring how much we hate each other. Why don't we just skip that part and start the story right away? No dumb Onua intro this time?

Onua: Okay, first, I'm not dumb, second, it's not my intro, and third, you're a bit too late for that. We're doing an intro right now!

Narrator: D'oh! You're right.

Onua: Oh, how I've longed to hear you say those words...

Narrator: *grumble* Today we join the Toa Nuva in their hotel, getting ready for the big contest.

Random Matoran #35: Hello? Anybody there? I'd like to stay...

Random Matoran #36: Weird, no one's there. Try yelling a bit louder, brother, maybe they just can't hear you.

Random Matoran #35: Hello, anybody there? I'd like to stay!

Random Matoran #36: Nice try, but how about louder?

Random Matoran #35: Hello, anybody there? I'd like to stay!

Random Matoran #36: Still nothing? We might need to invoke the power of CAPS LOCK.

Random Matoran #35: I'm going to need a new voicebox after this. *sighs* HELLO, ANYBODY THERE!? I'D LIKE TO STAY!!

*Pohatu comes running super-fast and crashes into both Matoran*

Random Matoran #35 and #36: :dazed:

Pohatu: I love exclamation points and question marks together!

*Pohatu notices the two Matoran*

Pohatu: Oops, sorry about that. Uh, did you want to stay?

Random Matoran #35: Yes, did our CAPS LOCK actually work?

Pohatu: No, but your punctuation did! Hang on, I'll get our front desky person.

*Pohatu runs away and comes back five seconds later with a very hyper BEC and nauseous Fred*

BEC: Ohhisorryaboutthatanywaydidyouwanttostayhowmanyroomsdidyouneed?

Both Matoran: :huh:

*Fred sighs and pulls out his boom box*

Recording of BEC: Oh hi, sorry about that. Anyway, did you want to stay? How many rooms did you need?

Random Matoran #35: Just one, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, thanks.

BEC: SorrybutwedonthavebathroomsBIONICLEcharactersdontevenneedthemwhattheKarzahni?

Recording of BEC: Sorry, but we don't have bathrooms. BIONICLE characters don't even need them! What the Karzahni?

Random Matoran #35: Fine, if we can't have bathrooms, we're leaving!

BEC: Waitwhat.

*Random Matoran #35 and #36 leave the hotel and enter The Hotel Next Door*

Lewa: Excuse me, Pohatu? Did we just lose a customer??

Pohatu: Where'd you come from?

Lewa: Fell from the heavens like a burning star, but that's not the point. That's precious money you're losing me! Now go and clean the basement.

Pohatu: We don't have a basement...

Lewa: What? Unacceptable! Go build one now!

Pohatu: That's Takanuva's job! Or maybe Onua's.

Lewa: DON'T BACKTALK ME! Five points from Gryffindor!

Pohatu: Uhh...

*Lewa summons a windstorm and blows Pohatu somewhere*

Lewa: Much better. BEC, keep watching the front desk. Pohatu won't get in your way any more.

*Lewa walks away*

BEC: Wowhesevenmeanerthanusualwhichisreallysayingsomethingwonderwhy?

Fred: The holidays probably just have him stressed out. I'm not surprised he's taking it out on Pohatu...

BEC: YeahkindafeelsorryforthatguybutohwellwhocaresmySUGARisalmostherewhee!!

*BEC checks his watch*

BEC: ComeonminutehandmovefasterIwantittobe329PMrightnow!

Fred: Can we maybe have just one day where you're not hyper like this? This can't be good for my stomachache.

BEC: Nope! :D

*Meanwhile, in the kitchen...*

Tahu: Let me guess, you're going to be singing about pie? Or maybe pi? Or maybe both?

Tava: How did you know? YOU CHEATED!

Tahu: Yes, because that's the ONLY possible way I could have guessed that.

Tava: If you're thinking of stealing my idea...

Tahu: Tava? I'm a judge. I'm not a participant.

Tava: ...Oh. Right. I could make you a Judge Pie!

Tahu: Uhh...no thanks.

*In the Manager's Suite...*

Lewa: Okay, so, I've got a question--

No, I've got a question. I'm busy being the author, why did you demand I visit you here?

Lewa: I'm the manager, don't talk back to me!

...You seriously think I work for you? I'm pretty sure the author outranks everyone.

Lewa: Yeah right.


*Lewa spontaneously starts tap-dancing*

Lewa: Okay, fine, you win, now make it stop!

Fine. There you go. Now quit bossing me around.

*Lewa0111 disappears*

Lewa: *singing to the tune of Money, Money, Money*

I sleep all night
I sit all day
I yell at Toa every day
Ain't it cool...

And I still have time to enjoy
Massage chairs, smoothies, "Mask of Light"
And money pool...

I dream I have so much stuff,
If the others would shape up
I'd have all that stuff now for real
But dumb Pohatu ruins the deal!

Money, money, money
I love money,
I have piles of it!

Money, money, money
I'm no dummy,
I love my widgets!

Aaa, aaa, aaa,
I've got gold markers too,
And some fancy new shoes,
Aaa, aaa, aaa--

*A Le-Matoran, a Ga-Matoran, and an Onu-Matoran enter the Manager's Suite*

Le-Matoran: What?

Lewa: Uhh...what are you doing here? I was singing!

Ga-Matoran: We can see that. Why did you call our names?

Lewa: I didn't call you.

Onu-Matoran: Yes you did. I'm Aaa, this is Shu, and Marka.*

Lewa: Oh. No, I was just singing "aaa," "shoe," and "marker." I didn't call your names. Also, your names are really weird.

Shu: Not as weird as the Po-Matoran names...

*Everyone flies by the window in a hover jet, accompanied by his friends Himself, Some Guy, and Nobody*

Lewa: Good point...Now get out of my Manager's Suite and quit ruining my song!

Marka, Shu, and Aaa: Sorry.

*They leave*

*In the pool area...*

Gali: Well, that about wraps it up! I'm ready for the contest. Are you ready, Takanuva?

Takanuva: No.


Takanuva: Mostly because of that annoying Toa of Ice over there.

Kopaka: Hey, I'm not annoying! You're the annoying one, saying that word all the time...

Gali: Okay, calm down, both of you. Don't make me drench you.

Takanuva and Kopaka: :fear:

Gali: Good. Now, I think we should--

Lewa (over loudspeakers): ATTENTION EMPLOYEES OF THE NUVA INN! If you are a customer, don't worry about this. EMPLOYEES, WE ARE MEETING IN THE THEATER IN TWO MINUTES TO BEGIN OUR CONTEST! GET READY!! LATE ARRIVALS WILL BE CONFISCATED! *whispering, still over loudspeaker* What was that? Oh, sorry. *loudly* SORRY, I MEANT COMPLEMENTED! *whispering* That's not what I meant! Let me try again... *loudly* I MEANT CAULFLOWERED! *softly* No, Krekka, get out of here.

Krekka (over loudspeakers): Duhhh...what? Where's my cauli--AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

Kopaka: That moron stole my line!

Lewa (over loudspeakers): SORRY ABOUT THAT! LOOK JUST DON'T BE LATE, OKAY??

Gali: That was the weirdest P.A. announcement ever.

Kopaka: I agree.

Takanuva: No. I've heard weirder.

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, I've heard weirder!

Gali: And that sentence would be the "weirder." Anyway, let's go.

*20 minutes later, in the theater...(wow, lots of transitions today! Also, that rhymed!)*

*Lewa comes dashing in at the last minute*

Lewa: Well, looks like we're all on time. Good job!

Onua: *muttering* All of us except you, you mean.

Lewa: Anyway, ignoring Onua for the moment, let's start the contest! Lewa0111, any time now.

Oh, fine. I hate materializing...

*I materialize on stage*

Lewa0111: Hi everyone! I'm here to help judge the contest as mentioned last chapter, along with Lewa and Tahu. I have a binder here for you with sign-up slots; each of you will pick a time to sing. You will come up on stage, sing your song according to the rules from Chapter 34, and we will give you our points. At the end of the contest, whoever has the most points, including votes from the readers, will win the prizes. Any questions?

All Toa, BEC, and Fred: Readers? :???:

Lewa0111: Uh...you know what? Never mind the readers. Okay, let's start!

*Everyone runs like crazy toward the binder, there's a big cartoony fight cloud, and things eventually clear with the whole group sitting in a pile, but no binder*

Takanuva: Oww...Hey, where's the binder?

Fred: Isn't it here? I thought you had it!

Takanuva: No.


*They all look over to see Onua sitting calmly in a big armchair, writing in the binder*

Everyone But Onua: ONUA!?!?!?!?

Pohatu: By the way, I--

Lewa: Don't use that joke! Now go and get me that binder.

Lewa0111: Lewa, we've been over this. YOU'RE A JUDGE.

Lewa: Oh yeah.

Onua: Digging is fun, isn't it? And super useful. Particularly for digging up under a big cartoony fight cloud, grabbing a binder, then digging away with it.

Kopaka: I hate you.

Narrator: Hey, no one's allowed to say that to him except me! Narrator...SMASH!

*A sumo wrestler lands on Kopaka*

Sumo Wrestler: Booyah! :happydance: *riverdances away*

Lewa0111: Narrator, do you want to get fired again?

Narrator: Uhh...of course not, sorry! Wait--I mean--what do you mean "again?" I've never been fired before! I'm a completely different Narrator than that first one in Chapters 1 and 2! Seriously!

Everyone: :rolleyes: Suuuure...

Onua: Welp, I'm done. Here, catch!

*The other Toa, Fred, and BEC all pass around the binder, eventually tossing it up to Lewa*

Lewa: Okay. Well, if everyone's signed in, we can--

*A loud knock is heard from the front door*

Lewa: Pohatu, answer that.

Pohatu: I'm not the front desky person!

BEC: HoldonIllberightback! *runs hyperly away to the front desk, accidentally sending Fred flying off his shoulder in the process*

*At the front desk...*

Narrator: BEC rushed in to see a Ta-Matoran with a yellow Komau standing there.

BEC: HithereTaMatoranhowcanIhelpyoutoday?

Ta-Matoran: I'd like to stay for, three nights.

BEC: Okaythatllbe9,001widgetspleasedonotmakeanymemereferencesthankyouverymuch!

Ta-Matoran: Here's all the, Widgets you need.

BEC: ThanksMatoranbythewaywhatsyourname!

Ta-Matoran: My name is, Mana Leader.

BEC: :huh: WeirdnamebutohwellwelcometoTheNuvaInn!

Narrator: Hey, that's my line!

Mana Leader: What's that, Noise coming from the theater?

BEC: WerehavingaNamingDaysongcontestwhydidyouwanttojoin?

Mana Leader: Sure!

BEC: EntryfeeisW20alsowhydoyoutalksoweird?

Mana Leader: I don't, Talk so weird, but why are you, So hyper?

BEC: BecauseIloveSUGARofcoursenowgimmethewidgetsandletsgo!

*Back in the theater...*

BEC: HiguysthisisManaLeaderhesheretostayforafewnightsandhedalsoliketojointhecontest!

Mana Leader: Hi, Everyone.

Onua: Everyone isn't here. He checked out a few days ago.

Lewa: He can't join the contest! It's for employees only!

BEC: Ithoughtyoumightsaythatsohereyoucanhave20widgets!

Lewa: YAY MONEY!! Okay, he's in. Takanuva, sign him in at the end.

Takanuva: Yes.


Mana Leader: :blink:

BEC: Yeahthathappensalotdontworryaboutit.

Lewa: Okay, that's that. Looks like Onua will be first up. Let's take our positions!

*Lewa0111, Tahu, and Lewa sit down behind a randomly appeared judges' table on the side of the stage, Onua gets on the stage by the microphone, and everyone else sits in the audience*

Onua: Okay, testing, is this thing on? Good. I'm going to be singing "Down In The Tunnels", my version of the popular Naming Day song "Up On The Chutetop." Ahem:

Down in the tunnels
Rahi wait
They hope Onua
Isn't late!

Digs through the dirt
With these awesome drills,
Bringing lots of
Naming Day thrills!

Dig, dig, dig,
I love to dig,
Dig, dig, dig,
It's so much fu-un!

Might even bring gold
Or silver,
And other cool rocks,
...umm...uh...er..."bilver!" :D

*Onua bows*

Lewa: HOLD IT! "Bilver" isn't a word!

Onua: I know, but I couldn't think of any words that rhyme with "silver."

Lewa: No making up words. Rule #28172684763482967861876498 in the rulebook. :lookhere:

Onua: Aww...



Lewa0111: Sorry, Onua, he's right...DISQUALIFIED!

Onua: That's okay. It was still fun!

Lewa: Okay, new rule. When you're disqualified, you have to pay me 50 widgets.

Lewa0111: No.

Lewa: Why not?

Lewa0111: Because that's a stupid rule.

Lewa: :(

Tahu: Can we move on already? Who's next?

Lewa: Let's see...looks like it's going to be Kopaka.

Kopaka: Yes.

Takanuva: ...

*everyone stares at Takanuva*

Takanuva: What? Did you expect me to say something?

Everyone but Takanuva: Yep!

Takanuva: Well, tough.

*Kopaka gets on stage*

Kopaka: My song is "Icy Wonderland." It's based on "Winter Wonderland." Here I go:

Where I go
Ice starts forming,
When I'm bored
Things start freezing,

A beautiful sight
My powers of ice,
Living in an icy wonderland!

Mask of Light
As an ice show!
In an ice floe,

Takanuva: HEY!

*Kopaka shrugs and continues*

An annoying sight,
The Toa of Light,
Ruining my icy wonderland!

On Mount Ihu I can build a huge bridge,
Or go skiing down the icy slopes.
In Ko-Metru I can climb the towers,
And watch the blizzard while I hang on ropes!

Things are frozen,
Even makes,
Fire dozin',

I just love my life,
As Toa of Ice,
Living in an icy wonderland!


Takanuva: Can I say--

Kopaka: Don't.

Takanuva: TakaBluvaNuvaStuvaTubaWuvaLuvaPuva!!

Everyone: :blink:

Takanuva: Okay, that was weird. And annoying.

Kopaka: Now you know how I feel...

Lewa: That was bizarre. Anyway, Kopaka, I give you two points out of four.

Lewa0111: I vote three.

Tahu: Also three. Who's next?

Lewa: *flipping through binder* The bellbottom.

Pohatu: Are we really still calling me that? Oh, fine. My turn.

*Pohatu climbs onto the stage*

Pohatu: My song is called "The Twelve Days of TNI," based on "The Twelve Days of Naming Day."

Lewa: Of course you'd pick the longest song. Can we just disqualify him?

Lewa0111: :glare:

Lewa: Fine.

Pohatu: Quiet in the peanut gallery! Ahem:

On the first day of TNI,
Toa Lewa did to me:
Called me "bellbottom" instead of "bellboy!"

Lewa: I DID NOT!

Onua: You literally just did a few lines ago...Can we continue the song?

Lewa: Ugh.


On the second day of TNI,
Toa Lewa did to me:
Blamed me for everything,
And called me "bellbottom" instead of "bellboy!"

Lewa: When have I ever blamed you for anything? Ever?

Gali: Lewa? Try every five seconds.

Lewa: That is an exaggeration! I never blame him for stuff! I'm really starting to hate this song.

Gali: That's just because it's true. Pohatu, please go on!


On the third day of TNI,
Toa Lewa did to me:
Had me "use my head"
Blamed me for everything,
And called me "bellbottom" instead of "bellboy!"

Lewa: Oh yes, because having to think is SO hard...

Pohatu: I meant literally. Remember when you made me ram my head into the wall to break in when the Rahkshi invaded?

Lewa: Uhh...I have no idea what you're talking about...MOVING ON!


On the fourth day of TNI,
Toa Lewa did to me:
Told me to take the stairs
Had me "use my head"
Blamed me for everything,
And called me "bellbottom" instead of "bellboy!"

Lewa: Okay, I admit I did that one. But that's because the elevator needs to be used for guests!

Pohatu: What about your personal elevator?

Lewa: It's PERSONAL. That means for Lewa only.

Pohatu: Or you could share...

Lewa: NEVER!

Fred: And there's our problem.


On the fifth day of TNI,
Toa Lewa did to me:

Lewa: WHAT?? Oh, come on. That one had literally nothing to do with me whatsoever.

Pohatu: You were the one who wanted to be manager, so the hotel is your responsibility.

Lewa: But it wasn't even my hotel! It was The Hotel Next Door!

Pohatu: Then why did it have to land on me of all people? Why not anyone else in the entire universe?

Lewa: Because it's funnier when things land on you.

Pohatu: No, it's not, and that just proves my point. Can I just sing in peace for once, please?

Gali: Well, we'd like to listen.

Tahu: Me too! This is a great song.

Lewa: Traitors...fine.


Told me to take the stairs
Had me "use my head"
Blamed me for everything,
And called me "bellbottom" instead of "bellboy!"

On the sixth day of TNI,
Toa Lewa did to me:
Refused to pay me money
Told me to take the stairs
Had me "use my head"
Blamed me for everything,
And called me "bellbottom" instead of "bellboy!"

Lewa: That is 100% untrue. I always paid you!

Pohatu: Actually, you haven't paid me for the last several weeks. Something about you needing it more than I did.

Lewa: Well, what, I was just supposed to give you my precious money?

Pohatu: That's kinda how employment works...it's not my fault you're a greedy, entitled, and terrible boss plus a few other words we can't say on BZPower...


Takanuva: Are you having trouble hearing, Lewa? Here, let me help you. He said: *whips out a megaphone* IT'S NOT HIS FAULT YOU'RE A GREEDY, ENTITLED, AND TERRIBLE BOSS PLUS A FEW OTHER WORDS WE CAN'T SAY ON BZPOWER!

Gali: Uh-oh...

Lewa: :burnmad: THAT DOES IT!

Tahu: Hey, fire! Cool!

Pohatu: Uh-oh...gottagorunawaynowbye!

*Lewa starts chasing Pohatu around the theater, while Pohatu sings:


On the twelfth day at TNI,
Toa Lewa did to me:
Chased me 'round the theater
Made me build a basement
Took five points from Gryffindor (for some reason)
Won't let me say my joke
Had me carry bricks
Liked money more than me
Refused to pay me money
Told me to take the stairs
Had me "use my head"
Blamed me for everything,

*Lewa skids to a stop to find everyone but him glaring at him, powers charged, as they sing the final line:*


*The whole group blasts Lewa at once, sending him flying into the air*


Gali: Think he'll be okay?

Kopaka: He can fly, he'll be fine.

Tava: Anybody want a Pohatu Appreciation Pie? That song was so great, I made these for the occasion!

Pohatu: Wow, thanks! So, what about the contest?

Lewa0111: I vote you a four.

Tahu: Same here. Guess now we just wait for Lewa to get back.

BEC: OkaygreatsothisisintermissionthenIgottagoandgrabmoresugarbyeguys!

Gali: Well, we can't say it hasn't been an eventful contest, at least...can't wait for my turn!


Narrator: *singing to the tune of "Jolly Old St. Nicholas"*

Annoying Toa Onua
Coming to complain,
Just the way he always does
Talk about a pain!

I am just a narrator
Trying to narrate!
Why you always criticize
Everything I say?

Onua: Because I have nothing better to do. Also, that song was dumb.

Narrator: 1) You just proved my point, and 2) At least I didn't make up any words.

Onua: ...Touche.

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 3,065 words.

Next: Round 2!

~Lewa# Studios

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Dec 21 2015 - 11:05 PM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)
ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

#96 Offline Toa of Gallifrey

Toa of Gallifrey
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  • 11-March 11
  • 639 posts

Posted Jan 10 2015 - 08:36 AM

Awesome chappy as per usual, but this had me on the floor:

Takanuva: Are you having trouble hearing, Lewa? Here, let me help you. He said: *whips out a megaphone* IT'S NOT HIS FAULT YOU'RE A GREEDY, ENTITLED, AND TERRIBLE BOSS PLUS A FEW OTHER WORDS WE CAN'T SAY ON BZPOWER!

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#97 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Toa of Hilarity

  • 07-February 06
  • 1,924 posts

Posted Jan 29 2015 - 07:22 AM

Thanks, TOG! Glad you enjoyed it.

The Nuva Inn
A BIONICLE comedy by Me!
Chapter 36: Koldy the Snow-Matoran OR The Singing Contest, Round 2

Onua: *sighs* Are we gonna be parodying song titles for the entire contest?

Narrator: Why do you keep complaining to me? We've been over this. I'm not in charge of the titles!

Onua: I know! But it's fun. :)

Narrator: You little~!

Onua: All's fair in love, war, and annoying the Narrator.

Narrator: Just shut up.

Onua: Never!

Narrator: WejointheToaNuvaastheycontinuethesingingcontest!

Onua: ...Darn, chapter's starting. You win this time!

*In the auditorium...*



Lewa: Oww... :dazed: What was that for?

Onua: Abusing Pohatu, obviously.

*Everyone but Tahu nods in agreement*

Tahu: I just like burning stuff.

Onua: ...Mostly, anyway.

Lewa: But I never--

*Everyone glares at him*

Lewa: Okay, fine, I guess I've been a little harsh on you, Pohatu. I'll try to go easier on you from now on.

Gali: That's not good enough...

Pohatu: Actually, I don't mind. That's good enough for me!

Gali: Okay, never mind, then.

Lewa: Even though I'm promising to go easier on you, I still vote your song a zero. Getting blasted into the air really didn't help.

Tahu: Why am I not surprised? Lewa0111?

Lewa0111: *shrugs* I guess we go with it. So Lewa and Kopaka are tied at 8 points each, then. Can't say I was expecting much else.

Gali: Good point. So, should we move on with the contest right away?

Takanuva: No.


Takanuva: I think somebody needs to check on the hotel. I'm sure we've got quite a few guests by now.

Gali: That's a good point.

Mana Leader: Yeah exactly! Especially since I, just arrived!

Lewa: Okay, we're taking a break to run the hotel. Places, everybody! Be back here in one hour. I'll be in the Manager's Suite doing managery things.

*Later, in the pool room...*

Gali: Well, things look fine over here--hey, wait a second!


Narrator: Gali lifts up one of her aqua axes, summoning the water to wash the Po-Matoran out of the pool.

Gali: This job is so easy sometimes. :D

Po-Matoran: *COUGH!* Thanks for saving me. That was terrifying!

Gali: ...You were in the shallow end. The water only came up to your knees.

Po-Matoran: Oh. Really?

Gali: Yep. Wait a minute, why were you in the pool anyway? Po-Matoran hate water!

Po-Matoran: The sign said "Loop Room." I felt like riding a roller coaster.

Gali: That's weird. Hey, wait a second--GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID RAHKSHI!

RLC: Ha, ha! *scampers off*

Gali: Sorry. He does that sometimes.

Po-Matoran: Well, at least that explains the sign. Anyway, I'm off to the Stone Room. *leaves*

Gali: "Stone Room?" ...TAKANUVA!

Narrator: Takanuva crashes in through the roof, then repairs the roof instantly with his light powers.

Takanuva: Yes?

Gali: Did you build a "stone room" addition to this hotel recently?

Takanuva: No, why? I did build a storeroom the other day, though...

Gali: Oh no.

*muffled pounding*


Takanuva: *sighs* I'll take care of it.

*At the front desk...*

BEC: HithereVahkiuhhdoyouwanttostayorsomething?

Vahki1: <we seek the holder of the mask of vahki>

Vahki5: <also we would like to stay for seven point three five days>

Fred: Wow, they actually understood you. That's a new one.

Vahki3: <pickles>

All Other Vahki: < :blink: >

BEC: Okaysoyourestilllookingforthatstupidmaskfromlikeforeverago? Lewahasitgoaskhimalsothatwillbe2873468263widgetsforallofyoutostay!

Vahki2: <do not insult the mask of vahki>

Vahki4: <aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh>

Vahki1: <ignore him please and take the widgets out of turaga dumes bank account thank you>

BEC: Okaythatsgonnabeeasygoaheadyouareonfloor2590! AndLewasintheManagersSuite.

Vahki1: <thank you for your assistance>

Vahki3: <pickles>

Vahki1: <vahki3 would you please just shut up>

Vahki3: <pickles>

Vahki1: <ugh>

Narrator: The Vahki all (somehow) crowd themselves into Lewa's private elevator.

*In the Manager's Suite...*

Lewa: Ahh, this is the life. Hey, cool, we just made 2,873,468,263 more widgets! I should give myself a raise.

*The Vahki enter*

Vahki1: <hello holder of the mask of vahki>

Lewa: Vahki? What do you want?

Vahki1: <we seek you for we need your help>

Vahki6: <turaga dume fired us and we have nowhere to go>

Vahki5: <can we stay with you pleeeeeeeeeeeeease>

Lewa: Well, you'll have to keep paying me...er, I mean "us"...but sure.

Vahki1: <that is acceptable please withdraw all required funds from turaga dumes account thank you>

Vahki5: <also can we fight that bohrok army again that was fun>

Lewa: Uh...I'll talk to Takanuva maybe. Now, can you all please leave? I'm busy! Stupid mask...

Vahki2: <do not insult the mask of vahki>

Vahki4: <aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh>

Narrator: With that, all six Vahki leave.

*Meanwhile, in the restaurant...*

Tava: All right, I have one order of Bula and Tridax Pies ready, for a "Krika."

Krekka: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh... :dunce:

Narrator: Krekka raises his hand, and Tava drops the pies off at his table.

Tava: Uh, okay, here's a Fried Muaka Steak Pie, for a "Krahka." Wait, didn't you just order the Bula and Tridax Pie?

Krika: No, I think that one's mine. I'm Krika, not Krekka.

Tava: Oh, okay. Pie in the face!

Krika: Wait, what the--

Narrator: Luckily, Krika dodges the pie by dematerializing, then rematerializing and grabbing it out of the air. Tava continues to look down the list of orders.

Tava: And one Cauliflower Supreme Pie, ordered by "Krekka."

Krahka: Must be mine, I haven't been served yet!

Krekka: Hey, this isn't cauliflower!

Krika: Wait a minute, I didn't order Muaka Steak! Where's my real order?

Krahka: Cauliflower? Since when did I order that?

Tava: Uh-oh...HEY TAHU!

Narrator: As Tahu emerges from the kitchen, a huge fireball explodes behind him. He quickly slams the doors.

Tahu: Uhh...might want to let Takanuva know we'll need a new kitchen.

Tava: Never mind that. Here. *hands Tahu the order list*

Tahu: Hmm...okay, which of you is "Krekka?" *Krika, Krahka, and Krekka all raise their hands* And which one is "Krika?" *All three raise their hands again* ...And "Krahka?" *Again, all three raise their hands*

Krika: I DEMAND A REFUND! Don't you have a policy for this kind of thing?

Tahu: So...which would we rather have, an angry Makuta, or an angry Lewa?

Tava: I choose...FREE PIES! *starts flinging pies everywhere*

Krekka: YAY PIE! :D

Narrator: As everyone in the restaurant scrambles for the pies (conveniently blocking Krika in the process), Tava and Tahu quickly run away.

*Later, in the auditorium...*

Tahu: Hi guys, sorry we're late.

Gali: Why are you two covered in pie? ...You know what, I don't think I want to know.

Tahu: Yeah, it's a long story. Also, Takanuva, you'll need to rebuild the kitchen again.

Takanuva: Why am I not surprised?

Tava: I think I'm next, actually. Let's start the contest!

Onua: Great idea, except we're missing one of our judges. As usual, Lewa's late.

Tahu: Phew. That means we're still early!

Lewa: Okay, let's start this thing! Right on time!

Gali: How is that on time? You're 50 minutes later than you said we would start!

Lewa: Pretty sure I said we'd start when I got back.

Gali: No, you said "one hour."

Lewa: ...No I didn't.

Gali: But--

Lewa: ALL RIGHT, CONTEST TIME! Tava, you're up next.

Tava: *shrugs*

Gali: Go ahead. It's hopeless trying to argue with this airhead anyway.

Lewa: What did you call me?

Gali: "Airhead." It just means you're a Toa of Air. It's a compliment.

Lewa: Oh, okay.

Everyone but Lewa: :lol:

Narrator: Tava climbs up on stage, and starts running around like a maniac. A few seconds later, the entire thing is now decorated in Tava's usual style, which is to say, covered in pie, the pi symbol, and the number 3.14 everywhere.

Tava: My turn! I'm here to perform "Billy the Off-Color Pie," based on the Naming Day song "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Kikanalo." Also, for this performance, Takanuva and Kopaka will be assisting me.

Narrator: Takanuva and Kopaka climb up onto the stage and stand behind Tava as backup singers.

Tava: Okay, here I go! Ahem:

Billy, the off-color Pie
(Takanuva: No,)
Had a very strange color,
That if you ever saw it
(Takanuva: No,)
You would rather have another.

All of the other Pies
(Takanuva: No,)
Wouldn't let Billy join in,
They thought he looked so weird
(Takanuva: No,)
So they threw him in a bin!

Then one International Tava Day,
Tava came to say:
(Takanuva: No,)
"Billy, you aren't quite a Pie,
Instead, you should be a Pi!"

Then how the other Pies loved him
(Takanuva: No,)
As they took from him an "E,"
"Billy, the off-color Pi,
(Takanuva: No,)
You're an honorary Pi-i-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
(Takanuva: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!)

Narrator: With the song finished, Tava and his two "backup singers" take their bows. Tava pulls out his Pie Dish of Pie and Pi.


Narrator: Tava pies everyone, including the judges, in the face with exactly 3.14 Naming Day Pies before jumping off the stage and landing in his seat.

Lewa: Hey, I got a Money Pie! Cool! Automatic 4 from me!

Tahu: Isn't bribery against the rules?

Lewa0111: Actually, it isn't, funny enough. Guess I forgot to mention that one. Oh well. I vote a 1. Kopaka was getting annoying after a while. Also, this pie ruined my brand new mask!

Tahu: Wait, what kind of mask do you wear, anyway? Looks like a Miru Nuva.

Lewa0111: True, but it's actually a Mask of Author Powers. I just have the ability to make it look like whatever I want, and I happen to like the Miru Nuva.

Lewa: Wait, so if one of us hypothetically were to take your mask and wear it ourselves...COMPLETELY hypothetical, of course...

Lewa0111: It would be like the Ignika and burn you to a crisp. Only Author Beings can wear it safely.

Lewa: Darn. There goes my ultimate "Get Rich Quick" idea... :(

Tahu: I give him a 3. The song was fun.

Lewa0111: Okay, thank you, Tava. Lewa, who's next?

Lewa: *reads binder* Looks like that would be Fred.

Narrator: Fred slithers up to the stage, stares up at the microphone, then grows a huge tree stump beneath him until he is at the same height as the Toa Nuva.

Fred: We really need to make shorter microphones. Not all of us have legs, you know!

BEC: WHEEEyeahgoFredyoucandoitwinthecontestohwaitnojustget2ndplacebecauseImgonnawin!

Fred: ...Uhh, thanks?

Lewa0111: Fred? Your song?

Fred: Oh, right. My song is called "O Plant Control," based on the song "O Naming Day Tree." Here goes:

O Plant Control
O Plant Control,
This power is so awesome!

O Plant Control
O Plant Control,
I can do lots, and then some!

Like growing vines, and swinging fast,
Or making tree
Trunks to squish ants!
*grows a tree trunk and squishes a randomly appeared anthill*

O Plant Control
O Plant Control,
And don't you dare call it dumb!

O Plant Control
O Plant Control,
Though I'm just a kraata,

O Plant Control
O Plant Control,
I'm strong as any Toa!

I can wrap Makuta in grass,
Or hit Piraka
With a huge branch!

O Plant Control
O Plant Control,
I love this power, no duh!

O Plant Control
O Plant Control,
Though many powers there are,

O Plant Control
O Plant Control,
It's clearly the best, by far!

Beats Power Scream, Weather Control,
And easily,
Letter Control

O Plant Control
O Pants For Troll,
The RLC's the greatest!

RLC: That's the last time you insult me, brother!

Fred: I thought we were cousins...

RLC: Ah, we're all brothers. And cousins. Whatever!

Fred: Sorry, guys, I gotta go...hey BEC, can I borrow some of your sugar?

BEC: NEVERdonottakemyprecioussugarohokayfineyoucanhavesomehereyougo!

Narrator: With no other choice, Fred opens the bag of sugar and chomps it all down in one bite BEC-style.

Fred: WOOHOOmanthisisawesometakethatRLCyoullnevercatchmealsoImtalkingwaytoofasttomesswithmylettersnow!

RLC: What the--

Narrator: As Fred bounces hyperly around the auditorium causing plants to grow everywhere, the RLC gets tangled up in vines and shoots blasts of letter control power out of his staff at random. The Rahkshi and the Kraata continue their fight until they both go flying out the window.

Lewa, Tahu, and Lewa0111: :blink:

Tahu: I vote...1. The song was good, but fire is way better than plant control!

Lewa: No way! Air is clearly superior to everything.

Tahu: WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!?!?!?!? :burnmad:

Pohatu: By the way, I love--

Lewa0111: Old joke, bad timing, not funny. Tahu, Lewa, can we please calm down?

Tahu: NEVER!

Lewa0111: *sighs* Gali?

Gali: Oh, all right.

Narrator: Gali summons a rainstorm, drenching Tahu and Lewa.

Tahu: :onwater:

Lewa: :onwater:

Lewa0111: That's enough fighting for one day. Anyway, Fred, I vote you a 4. Good effort despite the RLC.

Lewa: I vote 3. Who's next?

Gali: That would be me. Or, rather, that would be us!

Tahu: Why, who else--

Narrator: Gali once again splits into two people.

Tahu: Oh, right. I hate it when she does that. "They do that?" Whatever.

Gali1: Our song is going to be a duet, entitled, "I Wish You A Happy Naming Day." Based on the song of the same name.

Gali2: Obviously...

Gali1: Who asked you?

Gali2: I did! Or, you did. We did?

Tahu: Now I'm even more confused...

Gali1: Whatever, let's just begin the song.

I wish you a happy Naming Day,
I wish you a happy Naming Day,
I wish you a happy Naming Day,
And a Merry New Year!

Gali2: Hold on, "Merry New Year?" Nobody says that!

Gali1: We've been over this. "Happy New Year" would be redundant. Just sing your verse!

Gali2: *sigh* Fine.

I wish you a happy Naming Day,
I wish you a happy Naming Day,
I wish you a happy Naming Day,
And a Happy New Year!

Both Galis:

Good tidings to you,
Whatever you are:
Matoran, Skakdi, Toa:
(Gali1: MERRY)
(Gali2: HAPPY)

Gali1: See? You ruined it! Now it sounds awful. We're going to fail.

Gali2: The only thing making this song "awful" is your arguing.

Gali1: MY arguing? We're the same person! You're just as much at fault!

Gali2: Can we just finish the song?

Gali1: GLADLY!


I wish you a happy Naming Day--


No, I wish you a happy Naming Day--

Gali2: Hey, that was my verse!

Gali1: No, it was definitely mine. You sang the last verse.

Gali2: Wrong, we both sang it together!

Gali1: Just shut up!

*crickets chirping*

Lewa: ...Awkward...

Tahu: Anybody got any matches? I'm bored.


Gali1: Oh, right. Guess I can't tell myself to shut up without making me shut up as well...I'm confused...


I wish you a happy Naming Day,
I wish you a happy Naming Day--


Gali2: NO IT ISN'T!


I wish you a happy Naming Day--


I wish you a happy Naming Day--





Mana Leader: Well, this is, Awkward.

Fred: Is anyone here actually enjoying this?

Takanuva: No.


Onua: Talk about the most awkwardly passive-aggressive carol ever.


Narrator: Gali1 and Gali2 charge at each other, aqua axes raised, and accidentally re-combine into one person when they hit.

Gali: Well. ...That's one way to make this work...

WE wish you a happy Naming Day,

Lewa: Is it over yet?

Tahu: Looks like it. I vote zero.

Lewa: Definitely a zero.

Lewa0111: Actually, "Happerry" isn't a real word, so we should just disqualify them instead.

Gali: Forgot about that rule...

Lewa: Good idea! That makes this much easier. DISQUALIFIED!

Gali: I've really got to get my other self under control, I guess. Oh well, it was fun anyway. Maybe we can do an encore performance!

Kopaka: Don't.

Takanuva: TakaBluvaNuvaStuvaTubaWuvaLuvaPuva!!

Onua: Don't tell me that's going to become a running joke now.

Takanuva: No.


Takanuva: Sweet revenge. :)

Tahu: QUIET, or I'll light you all on fire!

Narrator: Everyone immediately shuts up.

Lewa0111: And next up will be BEC, with his song. Wait, where'd he go?

Fred: No idea, I haven't seen him since I borrowed his sugar a while back.

Lewa0111: Oh. What happened with the Rahkshi of Letter Control, come to think of it?

Fred: No letters inside a tree trunk. He'll have a tough time getting out of that one... :evilgrin:

Onua: Remind me never to make Fred mad.

Pohatu: Never make Fred mad.

Narrator: Onua just stares at Pohatu.

Pohatu: What? You asked me to remind you!

Lewa: Okay, time for another intermission. Kopaka, you look in the ice rink, Takanuva, check the garage and kitchens (and rebuild said kitchen while you're there), Onua can look outside, Tahu, look in the arena and restaurant, Gali, check the pool and front desk, and Pohatu, check all the rooms.

Pohatu: All 9,321 floors' worth of them!?!?!?!?!?!? By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks together!

Onua: Did he just trigger his own joke? :blink:

Gali: Lewa, I thought you were going to be nicer to Pohatu!

Lewa: Oh yeah. Darn it...okay, Pohatu, switch with Gali.

Gali: That's NOT what I had in mind.

Lewa: Well, you deserve it for that terrible performance!

Gali: Why don't you check the rooms, then?

Lewa: I have important managery stuff to do.

Gali: *sighs* Why do I--

Nidhiki: Hey, that's my line!

Gali: ...care?

Nidhiki: Oh. Never mind.

Narrator: Nidhiki then vanished as randomly as he had appeared.

Lewa: All right, that settles it! Intermission begins now!


Onua: Hey Narrator, can I ask you something?

Narrator: No.

Onua: Okay, great. When did you take over the Caption Writing Guy's job?

*What are you talking about? I'm still here!*

Onua: I know. But you used to be used for all the descriptions. Now Narrator's taken that over. You only get to do transitions and more basic stuff now. When did that happen?

*Eh, I don't mind. It was getting tedious anyway.*

Narrator: We switched over not too long ago. I'm surprised it took you this long to notice, honestly.

Onua: Oh, sure, now it's my fault.

Narrator: In fact, that reminds me...the Title Writing Guy owes me 20 widgets.

Onua: YOU HAD A BET!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Pohatu: By the way, I--

Onua: Hey, you're not allowed in here!

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has words.

Next: The final round of the contest! Cast your votes now!

~Lewa# Studios

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Dec 23 2015 - 10:47 PM.

  • 1
My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)
ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

#98 Offline Railblazer

  • Members
  • Makuta Conquered!

  • 02-June 07
  • 583 posts

Posted Apr 20 2015 - 09:31 PM

Hmm...been a while since I read this one.


Looks like the usual hilarity, chaos, and pie-dom is still going.  And the song contest, of course.  For reference, I'm voting for Fred's.  Keep it up!

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#99 Offline Erasmus Graves

Erasmus Graves
  • Members
  • Steely Visionary

  • 15-October 15
  • 359 posts

Posted Nov 26 2015 - 05:33 AM

The best thing about The Nuva Inn (and Ask Matau), is that they are of absurdly high comedic quality and never really let up.

I cast my vote for Dref- COME BACK HERE YOU STUPID RAHKSHI! I mean Fred.

Someone ought to do something about the Rahkshi of Letter Control :evilbiggrin:

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"Mutiny, Booty and Entropy"  - The Three Vices of the Frostelus

#100 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
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  • 07-February 06
  • 1,924 posts

Posted Jan 08 2016 - 01:07 AM

Well, that took forever, but I finally managed to fix the issue I’d been having with the previous two chapters cutting themselves in half. Not the greatest of fixes, but it’ll work. So if you haven’t already, go re-read the last two, now with the missing scenes at the end restored! And even better...

...I can finally continue writing new stuff for you all! :D And in a stunning coincidence, the Christmas song contest can continue just after the holidays. Weird...

(For those of you wondering, the missing content from the last chapter starts after the Galis’ song (“Forgot about that rule…” onward) and the previous chapter’s missing content starts midway through Kopaka’s song (“On Mount Ihu I can build a huge bridge...”onward). Check it out, and be sure to keep voting on my blog and/or via PM if you want!)

The Nuva Inn
A BIONICLE comedy by Me!
Chapter 37: Auld Lang Suva OR Sugar, Commas, and “No”’s, oh my!

Onua: ...Do I even want to know?

Narrator: Probably not, knowing you.

Onua: And what’s that supposed to mean!?!?!?!?!?

*Pohatu appears*

Pohatu: By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks together!

Onua: ...

Narrator: :huh: Aren’t you going to react, you know, "normally?"

Onua: Actually, I’m debating whether to respond with “DON’T USE THAT JOKE!!”, “Old joke, chapter hasn’t even started yet, not funny”, or “Only I’m allowed in this intro thing!”.

Narrator: Well, you just did all three, so...

Onua: Yeah, I suppose it doesn’t matter anyway. Let’s just start the chapter.

Narrator: Good idea. The chapter opens on the Toa Nuva searching for everyone’s favorite sugar-obsessed Ko-Matoran.

*On the 2,444th floor…*

Gali: So...many...rooms...ugh...where...are...you...BEC...

Narrator: Gali approached the next room, and opened the door.

Gali: Hello? Anyone home? I’m looking for--

Random Matoran #35: EEEEEEEEEEEK! Get out of my room, I’m trying to shower! Don’t look!

Gali: Wait, why are you showering in the living room? And why does it matter if I look or not since Matoran don’t wear clothes? And I thought Ta-Matoran hated water?

Random Matoran #35: JUST GET OUT!!

Narrator: Gali quickly backed out of the room and gingerly shut the door. Then she cilantroly shut the door too, just to add some more flavor. Then she cinnamoned the door shut for that extra zing to its taste.

Gali: That was weird. Man, that guy shows up everywhere!

Narrator: She barely had time to look toward the next room on the floor when a white blur zoomed past her.

Blur: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEthisissofunguesswhatIfoundsomesuperextrastrengthcaffeinatedsugar! OhhiGaliwhatareyoudoingIthoughtKopakawasthejanitatoranywayImofftothegaragenowbye!

Gali: :blink: ...Was that BEC?

*Meanwhile, in the garage...*

Takanuva: *ZAP!* How did the car and garage get this beat up? We’ve never even gone anywhere since the pie incident!

Tahu: Oh, hi, Takanuva. Glad to see the car’s been fixed. Now I can go for another spin!

Takanuva: But only Lewa can open the garage do--

Narrator: Tahu promptly climbed into the driver’s seat and started making the car spin crazily around the garage.

Tahu: So? That doesn’t mean I can’t still drive it! Watch this!


Narrator: Takanuva facepalmed, then immediately zapped first the garage, then the car, then Tahu.

Tahu: YOWWW! BRIGHT! *runs away somewhere*

Takanuva: We really should confiscate his car keys.

Narrator: Moments later, BEC came zooming into the garage, jumped straight through the car (knocking several of the duct-taped seats off of it in the process), and smacked face-first into the door, leaving a sizeable BEC-shaped dent.

BEC: :dazed: OwwthatsonesugarheadachewhyaretherefiveTakanuvasinhere? DidsomebodyclonethemImveryconfused... *faints*

Takanuva: Good news is, we’ve finally found him. Bad news...I have to fix this stupid garage AGAIN.

*Kopaka walks in*

Kopaka: Found him! Let’s start the contest.

Takanuva: What are you talking about? I found him first!

Kopaka: I’ve been following him ever since he skidded through the ice rink. Credit’s mine.

Takanuva: No.


Takanuva: I found him. :D

*Later, in the auditorium…*

Fred: Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!!

Narrator: Fred repeatedly smacked BEC across the face with a vine until the hyperactive Ko-Matoran woke up.

BEC: WHOAthatwasaweirddream! Iwannadothatagaingimmesugarprettyprettyprettyplease?

Onua: Please don’t. We’re about to start the contest, and you’re up next!

BEC: WHATthecontestohmymatanuiIcompletelyforgot! WaitaminuteIdontknowwheremysongis! FredhelpmehelpmeprettypleasewheredidIputmysong?

Fred: It’s in the hot tub.

BEC: Ohyeahthanksgottagoberightback!

Narrator: BEC sped off hyperly toward the pool room.

*awkward silence*

Onua: ...Is anyone going to say it?

*awkward silence*

Onua: Okay, fine, I will. Why was BEC’s song in the hot tub?

Fred: *shrugs* It’s The Nuva Inn. I think we all just go with it by now.

Onua: A fair point.

Narrator: BEC zoomed back into the auditorium immediately afterward, clutching some soggy pieces of paper in his hand that dried instantly from how fast he was running.

BEC: Okaycoolfoundit! Nowitsmyturntosingletsgoletsgoletsgo! Woohoo!

Tahu: Can’t. We’re still waiting on Lewa.

BEC: Dontcaredontcaredontcareletsstartwithouthim!!

Gali: Lewa will probably get mad if we start without him... *muttering* That lazy green-faced Toa of Air never lifts a finger to--

Narrator: At that exact moment, Lewa came bungee-jumping in through the window.

Lewa: Thought I heard someone talking about me! All good things, I’m sure?

Gali: Uhh...Of course! :rolleyes:

Lewa: *looks around* Oh, are we ready to start the contest? I’m surprised everyone is here so early. Who’s up next?

Narrator: As the other Toa scowled at Lewa’s typical definition of “early,” Lewa0111 materialized behind the judges’ table.

Lewa0111: Evidently, I’m needed again. Are we ready to do this?

Takanuva: No.


Lewa: ...Where’s Kopaka?

Onua: He ran off somewhere last time, remember?

Lewa: No, I was upstairs swimming in my money po--I mean, uh, managering! Yep! Definitely managering.

Tahu: Whatever, let’s just do some judging. This contest is almost over anyway.

Lewa0111: I vote for that suggestion too! Not that anyone else’s vote but mine really counts anyway, considering I’m the author and all.

Lewa: I wish I were an author. Unfair.

Lewa0111: Well, tough. BEC, are you ready?

BEC: YESYESYESYESYESIthoughtyoudneveraskwoohoo! :br:

Narrator: As the judges and assembled others watched, BEC launched into a sugar-fueled burst of energy, running around the stage and decorating it in roughly 2.71828 seconds. When he had finished, he skidded to a halt at the center of the stage a little too quickly.

Fred: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh... *splat*

BEC: OOPSsorryaboutthatFredareyouokay?

Fred: :dazed: Hey....Where’s the green filling...

Onua: Ever consider installing seatbelts?

BEC: Whatonmyshouldersdontbedumbthatwouldbethestupidestideaever! Nowjustshutupitstimeformysong!

Pohatu: I have seatbelts on my shoulders, and they work great! Got them installed earlier today!

Everyone but Pohatu: :blink:

Pohatu: What?

BEC: Okayanywayifyoudallstopinterruptingme! Mysongiscalled”ImGettingHyperForNamingDay!” Itsaparodyof”ImGettingNothingForNamingDay”hereIgo!

Gali: Can we install a slow-down machine so we can actually understand him first? Where’s Fred’s boom box?

Tahu: Oh, I saw it the other day when I was exploding the lobby! It’s under the front desk.

Onua: Uh...don’t you mean “exploring the lobby?”

Tahu: Nope, exploding!

Onua: But why would you--know what, never mind. I’ll be right back.

BEC: Nowaitallowme!

*5 nanoseconds later...*

BEC: OKbackhereitis!

Narrator: After BEC had set up the auto-slow-playback feature on the boom box, he once again began his song.

BEC: OkhereIgo!

I’m getting hyper for Naming Day,
All of the Toa are mad,
I’m getting hyper for Naming Day,
More so than usual, how rad!

Every single afternoon,
I get SUGAR for me!
Had to go fight the Rahkshi,
Toa gave SUGAR to me!
Bounced around through the hotel,
Worked the front desk fast and well,
Hurtled at top speed pell-mell,
‘Cause I ate SUGAR, yippee!

I’m getting hyper for Naming Day,
More now than ever before,
I’m getting hyper for Naming Day,
I promise I won’t start a war!

The other day I found COFFEE
And I put SUGAR inside!
I drank it down to the last drop,
With so much SUGAR inside!
So now I move at near-warp speed,
The fastest thing alive indeed,
That’s me, I’ll prove it, guaranteed:
Thanks to COFFEE with SUGAR inside!

I’m getting hyper for Naming Day,
...Why’s there a blue hedgehog here?
I’m getting hyper for Naming Day,
He looks mad--time to go! :fear:

Sonic the Hedgehog: Did you just say you’re “the fastest thing alive?”

Takanuva: Technically he didn’t say it, he sang it.

Sonic the Hedgehog: Don’t care, I have that catchphrase copyrighted!

BEC: Yeahrightyoullhavetocatchmefirstwhichisimpossible! Alsolookbehindyou.

Sonic the Hedgehog: I’m not falling for that!


BEC: *downs giant cup of coffee with sugar inside in one gulp* Gottagonowbye!

Narrator: As a hyper BEC zoomed at top speed out of the hotel, followed closely by Sonic, followed closely by Keetongu (who was somehow wearing a Kanohi Kakama, don’t ask how it fit on his head in the first place), the others just stared in silence for several moments.

Lewa: Uhh...was that actually supposed to be part of the song?

Tahu: I’d say ask Fred, but he’s still kinda out of commission.

Fred: ...Computer airplanes...can’t eat buffalo soup...

Lewa0111: *flipping through manual* Hmm...no rule against exiting pursued by a blue hedgehog pursued by Keetongu. He’s still in the running. Though I’m only giving him a 1, if only because the hyperness was making me sick.

Tahu: The boom box was a nice touch, though. And I liked when he referenced the end of the Rahkshi fight. Good times!

Lewa0111: ...Your vote?

Tahu: Oh yeah, I forgot, we have to vote. I say 4!

Lewa: Meh, I’ll give him a 3. It was a nice song, but that coffee has been getting expensive, so I’m knocking him down a point.

Lewa0111: Okay, that’s that! Who’s up next?

Gali: According to the clipboard, Takanuva’s next.

Takanuva: No.


Everyone Else: :blink:

Pohatu: What? Kopaka’s not here. Somebody had to say it.

Takanuva: I definitely remember putting my name down last. Aren’t there nine contestants in all?

Tahu: Not counting the disqualified ones, yeah. But Mana Leader joined late.

Takanuva: Oh yeah. Forgot about him.

Mana Leader: How could you, Forget about me? I’ve been, Here for two and a half, Chapters!

Lewa0111: To be fair, half the Toa get forgotten about during any given chapter. Speaking of which, what happened to Tava?

Onua: He ran off to Ta-Metru, borrowing the Great Furnace to see if he can recreate his trick with the giant pie oven he did on New Year’s. Not exactly surprising…

Lewa0111: Fair enough.

Kopaka: Hi. I’m back. The ice rink needs fixing later.

Gali: I’m almost afraid to ask. What happened?

Kopaka: There’s a Matoran-sized hole in the ice. And a hedgehog-sized hole. And a Keetongu-sized hole.

Lewa: WHAT? We need to fix that right now! We’re losing precious money with that closed!

Gali: Lewa? We never charged for the ice rink in the first place?

Lewa: Well, that’s a problem. Why not?

Gali: Because they’re already paying to stay at the hotel? We don’t charge for the pool either.

Lewa: As of right now we do! Pohatu, get on...wait, no, I’m supposed to go easy on him. Gali, go fix that right now!

Gali: Do it yourself.


Pohatu: By the way, I love exclamation points and question--


Pohatu: :ziplip:

Gali: What are you going to do, fire me? You realize you won’t have anyone to work as lifeguard. Unless, of course, you want to do the job yourself...

Lewa: Water? And worse, working? Never!

Gali: Thought so.

Takanuva: You know what? I’m just going to start my song before this argument gets any worse.

Gali: Thank you, Takanuva.

Lewa: *fuming* Grr...grablegarble…

Onua: Is that even a word?

Tahu: *shrugs* It is now.

Narrator: Takanuva then climbed up on stage, and took a few seconds to take down BEC’s decorations (mostly consisting of coffee cups and mounds of half-eaten sugar bags everywhere) before stepping up to the microphone.

Takanuva: Ahem. Anyway. I’m going to be singing “The First No ‘L,’” a parody of the Naming Day song “The First Noel.” Start the music!

Narrator: Takanuva zapped the auditorium’s sound speakers with light, and accompanying music started to play instantly.

Lewa: I have got to figure out how to get that power. Right after I learn how to get Lewa0111’s Author Powers.

Lewa0111: I heard that!

Takanuva: *singing*

The first No--


Takanuva: Ugh. I’m trying to sing here!

The first No--


Takanuva: Would you just please shut up?

The first No--


Takanuva: This is ridiculous.

The first No--


Gali: *whispering to Onua* You’d think he would have seen that coming. And/or planned a song not involving the word ‘No.’

Onua: You’d think. But apparently not.

Takanuva: *sighs* You know what? I’m gonna keep singing anyway. Kopaka will NOT ruin my song!

Narrator: Takanuva then whipped out some earplugs and stuck them in his ears.

Onua: Wait, do we even have ears? Narrator, if you’re going to narrate, use the proper--

Narrator: Really, Onua? NOW?

Onua: Yes, now.

Narrator: It’s not even the beginning or ending of the chapter! Can’t it wait?

Takanuva: I’ve already got one Toa interrupting me, please don’t make it two.

Onua: *huffs* Fine.

Takanuva: Thank you!

The first No ‘L’



The Turaga did say,
Was to ensure no--



could spell ‘Lerahk’, no way!
In no--



--Koro, no--



--Wahi, on Mata Nui,



--one could say words starting with ‘L’ for that day.

Lewa0111: You know what? Even I’m starting to get annoyed by this. AUTHOR POWERS!

Narrator: Instantly, duct tape appeared over Kopaka’s mouth.


Lewa0111: That’s better! Continue, Takanuva.

Takanuva: Cool! Thanks!

No ‘L,’ No ‘L,’ No ‘L,’ No ‘L,’
All to keep the green Rahkshi in a well!

They knew if they spoke its name he would leap,
From the well no Matoran could know just how deep,
But with no ‘L’ they couldn’t also say,
‘Lightning,’ ‘Liver,’ ‘Luigi,’ ‘Lamp,’ or ‘Lay!’

No ‘L,’ ‘No ‘L,’ ‘No ‘L,’ No ‘L,’
All to keep the green Rahkshi in a well!

This confused the Chronicler when he tried to warn ‘em,
That a large lethal Lohrak lunched at Le-Koro!
No one understood what he was telling them,
With no ‘L’ to be used, the village cried ‘NO!’

No ‘L,’ ‘No ‘L,’ ‘No ‘L,’ No ‘L,’
All to keep the green Rahkshi in a well!

Finally, Toa Lewa put an end to it all,
He approached the Turaga and said ‘Stop it, now!’
‘With no L, I cannot even say my own name,
And as for that Rahkshi, I’ll make it yell ‘OW!’’

No ‘L,’ ‘No ‘L,’ ‘No ‘L,’ No ‘L,’
All to keep the green Rahkshi in a well!

The Turaga admitted that they had been a fool,
And decided to toss out the dumb ‘No ‘L’’ rule.
With Takua’s warning, Le-Koro was saved,
And no Lerahk nor Lohrak appeared, it was true.

No ‘L,’ ‘No ‘L,’ ‘No ‘L,’ No ‘L,’
All to keep the green Rahkshi in a well!

No ‘L,’ ‘No ‘L,’ ‘No ‘L,’ No ‘L,’
All to keep the green Rahkshi in a well!

Narrator: Takanuva, his song finally over, took a bow and stepped back into the audience. Lewa0111 waved a hand and freed Kopaka’s mouth.


*awkward silence*

Kopaka: Sorry. Had to get it out of my system.

Guinness Book of World Records Guy: *appears out of nowhere* Congratulations Toa Kopaka, you’ve just won the world record! Previously held by...actually, yourself, apparently. Well you won again. Bye!

Narrator: The GBWRG vanished as randomly as he had come. With that out of the way, everyone looked expectantly toward the judges.

Tahu: Kopaka was annoying. And that song didn’t even make sense. 1 point from me.

Lewa0111: I vote 3. It was a good song. Plus, I liked getting to use my author powers!

Lewa: I loved the lyrics! Best lyrics ever. In fact, I remember when that incident happened. Pretty sure it was Turaga Matau who banned the letter ‘L’ back then...4 out of 4 from me!

Lewa0111: Is it just me, or have we voted every single contestant an 8 so far?

Tahu: Actually, no. Onua and the Gali Duet didn’t get 8s.

Lewa0111: Disqualifications don’t count.

Tahu: Oh. Then yeah, we’ve given everyone an 8.

Lewa: Weird coincidence. So, what, we just have the guest star left?

Mana Leader: Yep it’s my, Turn to sing! I’m so, Excited!

Lewa: Okay, just make it quick. I have stuff to do.

Gali: What kind of “stuff?”

Lewa: You know, business stuff. Managering. Budgetation. Financiting. Stuff like that.

Gali: :huh: “Financiting?”

Lewa: Just start the song!

Mana Leader: My song will be called, “Commas are, Coming to TNI,” a version of the Naming Day song, “Toa Santa is Coming to Metru Nui.” Here I, Go:

You better talk, like
I’m talking right, Now
Because if, You don’t
I’ll turn you into a, Cow
Commas are, Coming to TNI!

I’m bringing new, Rules
For grammar, And speech
That you should, All learn
Or I’ll hit you with, A peach
Commas are, Coming to TNI!

They’re fun to, Use correctly
Not bad like, You all do
Punctuation, Is fun only
If, You know what to, Do

You better talk, like
I’m talking right, Now
Because if, You don’t
I’ll turn you into a, Cow
Commas are, Coming to TNI!

Commas are, Coming to TNI!



Mana Leader: That’s, All for now! *bows*

Lewa0111: Was it just me, or did he rhyme ‘do’ with ‘do?’

Lewa: Yep. That song was incredibly random, like ‘even for TNI standards’ random. But it was short just like I asked, so I’ll give it a 3.

Tahu: 2. The rhyming thing annoyed me. And I’m worried this guy is going to become a permanent guest star…

Lewa0111: I vote...2.

Everyone Else: :o

Lewa0111: What?

Tahu: I was expecting a 3! He didn’t get an 8 like the others!

Lewa0111: Yeah, I know. I did that partially on purpose to break the streak, but mostly because that song was a little too weird.

Mana Leader: But I thought things were, Supposed to be weird around, This place!

Onua: Not that weird.

Mana Leader: Oh. Really?


Narrator: They all looked up as the roof creaked, then collapsed under the weight of what appeared to be a Great Furnace-sized pie, with a certain Toa of Pie riding atop it. This was swiftly followed by BEC, Sonic, and Keetongu flying in on a randomly appeared helicopter, which promptly crashed into the pie and sent Keetongu and Sonic flying so hard they both flew into their own dimensions, leaving hedgehog- and Keetongu-shaped time-comedy warp portals hanging in midair where they had vanished. Then Random Tepornan #35 showed up and began pinging flies everywhere, while the RLC laughed his head off in the background as he changed letters around reft and light. Shortly thereafter, Lhikan’s Ghost appeared in the background for five seconds before vanishing, and three lawyers started bouncing on a trampoline that turned into the Giant Inflatable Monkey, who ate the lawyers because their yellow suits made them look like bananas.

Mana Leader: ...You were saying, Onua?

Onua: I rest my case.

Kopaka: *sighs* This is going to take forever to janitate.

Tava: How do you like my gigantic Naming Day Cookie Pie? Well, it started out as one, anyway. Now it’s a Naming Day Cookie and Helicopter Pie! :D

Lewa: I think I’ll pass. To the Manager’s Suite, Me!

*One Batman-style transition (with a Miru logo instead of the Bat-symbol) later...*

Tahu: So, Lewa, when do we announce the winners? And what about our song?

Lewa: Well, as soon as Kopaka and the others finish cleaning up down there, we can do the awards ceremony. I think it’s gonna be an 8-way tie, anyway, though.

Lewa0111: Not so fast! We haven’t counted the readers’ votes yet!

Lewa & Tahu: Readers? What readers?

Lewa0111: Just trust me, there’s more votes coming in. By the time the next chapter gets posted, they should have everything cleaned up, and we’ll count the votes and announce the winners! And the three of us will do our song, too.

Lewa: I vote for myself!

Lewa0111: Okay, first, you already voted, and second, our song isn’t voteable.

Lewa: Aww…Okay, you two, get out of my Manager’s Suite. Lewa0111, start writing!

Lewa0111: Are you trying to boss me around again? Remember what happened last time?

Lewa: Uhh...yes...and I have no desire to repeat that. Do what you want!

Lewa0111: That’s better. *disappears*

Narrator: After Tahu had gone down the elevator and Lewa0111 had vanished, Lewa relaxed in his chair and picked up his omnipresent smoothie cup.

Lewa: This is the life...wait, what’s that noise?

Narrator: When Lewa looked out the window to see what was the matter, he saw…


Lewa: ...Right. Hotel. Forgot about that.


Onua: Finally, now it’s the end! Narrator, the earplugs thing was dumb.

Narrator: I was hoping you’d let that drop by now…

Onua: Never! Criticizing you is way too much fun.

Narrator: Well, what would you call them, then?

Onua: Easy! “Audio receptor obstructing objects!” Or AROO for short.

Narrator: That’s the dumbest name I’ve ever heard. And dangerous.

Onua: Dangerous? How is that--

*A pack of Kavinika suddenly attack Onua*

Kavinika: Aroo! Ar! Ar! Aroooooooooooooo~!

Narrator: Because you just said “I hate Kavinika” in the Kavinika language.

Onua: Sure, NOW you tell me!?!?!?!?!?

Pohatu: By the way, I--

Onua: Old joke, don’t use that, only I’m intro.

Pohatu: ...Huh?

Onua: Gotta go!

*Onua exits, pursued by a Kavinika pack*

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 3,535 words.

Next: One last chance to cast your votes! All songs are finished, let’s find out the winner!

~Lewa# Studios

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)
ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

#101 Offline Toa of Gallifrey

Toa of Gallifrey
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  • 11-March 11
  • 639 posts

Posted Jan 10 2016 - 08:48 AM

Haha, that was a great chapter! Especially loved this bit:

Narrator: Gali quickly backed out of the room and gingerly shut the door. Then she cilantroly shut the door too, just to add some more flavor. Then she cinnamoned the door shut for that extra zing to its taste.

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#102 Offline Erasmus Graves

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Posted Jan 27 2016 - 05:08 AM

Seeing The Nuva Inn back gives me something of the feeling I had when I saw that BIONICLE was returning.

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"Mutiny, Booty and Entropy"  - The Three Vices of the Frostelus

#103 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
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  • Premier Members
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  • 07-February 06
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Posted Jun 08 2016 - 09:54 AM

Welcome back to the misadventures of everyone’s favorite hotel staff!

The Nuva Inn
A BIONICLE comedy by Me!
Chapter 38: A New Obsession OR Never Split The Party...And This Is Why

Onua: Finally. No more Naming Day song parodies!

Narrator: Well, actually, that’s not true. We need to decide the winner of the contest!

Onua: Oh, come on, really? It’s the middle of June!

Narrator: Beginning of June.

Onua: We all know by the time Lewa0111 actually finishes this chapter and posts it, it’ll be like halfway through October.

Lewa0111: Hey, give me some credit! I’m done with school now, so I can write more chapters!

Onua: Wait, you’re done with school?

Lewa0111: Yep!

Onua: ...Please tell me there’s not another Special Edition School’s Out Chapter incoming!

Narrator: Luckily that’ll wait until next time. But to answer your question, yes.


Narrator: Today’s chapter opens just after Lewa suddenly remembered that they do, in fact, have a hotel to run.

*In the lobby...*

BEC: *passing guests hyperly past the front desk* Thanksthatllbe2873648765widgetsyoureinroom723646haveaniceday! Nexthiyoudlikearoomfor5nightsthatllbe2397826widgetsyoureinroom123haveaniceday! Nexthiyouwantaroomwithapoolthatllbeinfinitewidgetsyoureinroom932012haveaniceday!

Fred: ...How are you doing that?

BEC: Doingwhat? *More guests show up* Okhiyoudlikearoomforfivesecondsthatllbe0.000000000000001widgetsyoureinroom3haveaniceday!

Fred: That. Predicting what they want before they even say anything.

BEC: Ohthatseasysugargivesmemindreadingpowers! OrmaybeIjustmakestuffup.

Fred: Somehow I think it’s the second one.

BEC: Ohyeahcanyoupassmetheextrastrengthcaffeinatedsugar? Imrunninglow.

Fred: You’re running low? That’s POSSIBLE?

BEC: Shutupandgiveittome.

Fred: I don’t have any hands. I’m a Kraata.

BEC: OhyeahIforgot. FineIlljustmakePohatudoit.

Pohatu: I’m running as fast as I can! But I have 28736495827649587269458 bags to carry, and all of them are filled with anvils for some reason!

Random Matoran #35: The Metru Nui Anvil Collectors’ Convention is in town today! And we brought a friend!

Pohatu: Friend?

*Livna the anvil from Chapter 2 falls from the sky and lands on Pohatu’s head*

Pohatu: *sighs* Just my luck.

*Ice sprays across the floor, followed by Kopaka skidding into the lobby on his ice skates*

Kopaka: So many rooms to clean. Why did we waste so much time on dumb antics?

BEC: Lewasfaultprobably.

Lewa (from Manager’s Suite on the top floor): I HEARD THAT!

BEC, Kopaka, Pohatu, and Fred: ...HOW?

*BEC goes back to helping the guests*

Onua: Hey, has anyone seen Gali?

Fred: Which one?

Onua: Either of them...

Fred: No idea, sorry. Why?

Onua: I was putting up advertisements outside near the pool and I saw a bunch of weirdly-named Po-Matoran drowning in the kiddie pool. No lifeguard to be found.

Fred: Huh. Weird. Did you check the restaurant?

Onua: No, why would she be in there?

Fred: Tahu.

Onua: Oh. Right. Gotta go!

*In the restaurant...*

Takanuva (repeatedly repairing the kitchen as Tahu keeps making it explode*: Can--*ZAP!--you--*ZAP!*--drench--*ZAP!*--him?--*ZAP!*--can’t--*ZAP!*--keep--*ZAP!*--this--*ZAP!*--up--*ZAP!*--forever!--*ZAP!*

Gali: Gladly. I’m sure nothing bad is happening in the pool while I’m gone. Eat water, Tahu!

Tahu: But I don’t want to--MMMPH! :onwater:

Gali: That’s not even a real emoticon. Thanks, Gali.

Gali: No problem!

*Onua wanders in*

Onua: Wait, what? Gali, why did you just talk to yourself?

Takanuva: Weird. I thought I said the line about :onwater: not being real! What the--YOU GET BACK HERE!

RLC: Ha, ha! *jigs away*

Tava: Never mind, I’ve got him! I need to try out my new Anti-Rahkshi Pie! I’ve been working on it ever since the Rahkshi attacked way back when.

*Tava lifts two pies in his hands and runs after the RLC*

Tahu: Not without me you don’t! He could use a little fire with that pie!

Gali: No, Tahu, don’t!

Narrator: The RLC, Tava, and Tahu, followed closely by an exasperated Gali, raced into the lobby where they collided with Pohatu, who was balancing 9,321 bags of anvils on his head. Predictably, they flew everywhere, smacking into the walls and making the structure start to creak.

Takanuva: I’m seriously running out of light, guys... *ZAP!*

Onua: Can somebody just catch that stupid Rahkshi?

BEC: SUREthingwecanhandleitrightFred?

Fred: :sick: Do I have a choice?

Narrator: BEC hyperly dashed forward, Fred’s vines ready to attack the ever-present Rahkshi, when a certain white-armored janitator skidded in from the other side, plowing into the RLC and smashing it straight into the other Toa (and Ko-Matoran, Kraata, and Rahkshi). They all collapsed into a heap...with a now very angry Tahu at the bottom of the pile.

Pohatu: At least the hotel’s still standing! :D

Narrator: ...Said very angry Tahu then promptly unleashed a Nova Blast on everything in the area.

Lewa: Oww...my spleen…

Gali: BIONICLE characters don’t even have spleens!

Lewa: We don’t?

Gali: Nope.

Lewa: Aww...but “oww my gears” isn’t nearly as funny to say!

Gali: Well, tough. Now where’s that red-armored pyromaniac? I’m going to dump an entire ocean on his head!

Lewa: *suddenly sits up* WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY MONEY? IS IT SAFE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Onua: *digs out of the ground* ...Isn’t your money at the bank? Hi, by the way.

Lewa: Hi to you too. And no, I withdrew all my widgets to fill the money pool with...uh, I mean...to invest in financial business accounting claim budgets! Yeah! Fiscal survey quarter profit margin executive corporation! Entrepreneur abstract balance oligomarket commodity rate securities 401K!

Gali: Did you understand any of that?

Onua: Nope.

Gali: Okay good, me neither.

Lewa: TAKANUVA! Somebody rebuild my Manager’s Suite, STAT!

Takanuva: “Stat?” I’m not a doctor...

Lewa: This is an emergency! My money’s gone, and so is my Manager’s Suite!

Onua: And, y’know, the entire hotel. Not like that’s important or anything.

Lewa: Yes, yes, that too. Takanuva, rebuild everything, fast! Or the customers will get angry!

Takanuva: *shrugs* Sorry. I’m completely out of light.

Lewa: :glare: See those big bright yellow things up in the sky? They’re SUNS. Which make LIGHT. Which is INFINITE.

Takanuva: I know, but it has to warm up first! I can’t just go on using my elemental powers infinitely!


Takanuva: I dunno. Ask GregF. He designed my powers.

Everyone but Takanuva and Onua: Who? :???:

Onua: Hey, only I’m allowed to break the fourth wall in this comedy! That’s reserved for Earth elemental characters only!

Takanuva: Says who?

Narrator: Says me. I put up with enough criticisms from Onua; don’t need you adding to the mix.

Takanuva: Make me.

Narrator: Fine! “Then Takanuva suddenly lost all memories of things beyond the fourth wall.”

Takanuva: Uhh...ok...what was I doing again?

Onua: That is a very useful power.

Takanuva: What power? What are you talking about?

Onua: Never mind. So, what do we do now? We’ve got no hotel.

Lewa: And no money! And no smoothie machine! And no massage chairs!

Gali: Well, first things first, where’s Tahu?

Onua: ...Come to think of it, where’s the rest of the staff?

*Krekka randomly wanders by*

Krekka: I found the staff! Yay! *holds up Vakama’s Firestaff*

Turaga Vakama: Give me that, you whippersnapper! I’ll throw my dentures at you!

*Krekka and Vakama wander off somewhere*

Lewa, Gali, Takanuva, and Onua: :blink:

Onua: Krekka notwithstanding, I’m serious. Where’s the other Toa? And BEC and Fred?

Takanuva: Now that you mention it, where are the guests?

Onua: Right. Forgot about them.

Lewa: I say we get that hotel built. And to do that, we need light.

Gali: And to do that, we need...TAHU. Of all people.

Takanuva: No.

*crickets chirping*

Takanuva: Huh. Was half expecting Kopaka to appear out of nowhere just then. I’m actually weirdly disappointed, somehow. ...Uh, don’t tell him I said that.

Lewa: So the suns are “warm enough” now?

Takanuva: That’s not what I meant! I meant that there’s more than one Toa of Fire on Metru Nui. Gali, you’ve got a list, don’t you?

Gali: Of course! Got it right here.

Narrator: Gali then pulled out a several-foot-high tablet from her Toa-Pocket™ and read a spot near the top.

Gali: Let’s see...Tahu’s not even on here, weird. Guess he’s no longer on Metru Nui. However, there’s Toa Norik, Toa Vakama, and Jaller Inika currently in the city! Let’s just find one of them to help!

Takanuva: WAIT, wait, what? Did you just say “Jaller Inika?”

Gali: Yeah, why?

Takanuva: Shouldn’t he be a Mahri by now? Considering he never even sets foot on Metru Nui as an Inika, ever.

Onua: And for that matter, how’s Vakama a Toa when we just saw him as a Turaga a few seconds ago?

Lewa: And why is Norik...why is he...umm...okay I guess that one makes sense.

Onua: Lewa0111, you’re not even TRYING at this point.


Gali: Regardless of non-storyline-sense-making-ness, let’s just try to find one of them. This says Jaller Inika’s closest, in Ga-Metru. That’s just a few blocks that way!

Lewa: Okay, let’s go! Then let’s rebuild my Manager’s Suite!

Gali: ...And the rest of the hotel.

Lewa: Fine. That too.

Kopaka: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!


Pohatu: Oww...why is it always me?

Kopaka: Sorry. *gets off of Pohatu’s head*

BEC: Ohheyguysyoureback! GladIfoundyouweweregettingprettyswamped!

Kopaka: Dealing with the guests?

Fred: No, he means literally “swamped.” My powers went a bit haywire after that explosion.

Narrator: They all glanced over to see an entire block of Po-Metru had been submerged in water and swamp plants, with several Po-Matoran huddling for dear life on a tiny patch of dry ground.

Kopaka: Huh. You were serious.

BEC: YepofcoursewereseriousalsowecantfindTahuLewaGaliPohatuandTakanuvaanywhere!

Kopaka: I assume Takanuva said “no” at some point, then. Would explain my earlier scream.

BEC: Wait. Youdontscreamnormallywhenyoufallfromthesky?

Kopaka: Not usually.

BEC: Okthatsweird.

Tava: Hey, Pohatu!! Can you give me a hand here?

Narrator: Pohatu promptly pulled off his handpiece and tossed it at the Toa of Pie.

Tava: Even I can’t make a pie out of this. I meant “can you help me.”

Pohatu: Oh. Sorry!

Tava: ...Though come to think of it, I haven’t actually TRIED making a Handpiece Pie...Anyway, I built a temporary hotel for all of the guests! I need you to carry their stuff.

Pohatu: Please tell me they aren’t all filled with anvils this time!

Random Matoran #35: Nope! This time it’s the City-wide Brick Collectors’ Gala! Our bags are all filled to the brim with heavy bricks!

Pohatu: :facepalm:

Tava: So yeah, I just built a hotel out of pie! Isn’t it awesome? Though it’s really hard to resist eating it.

Fred: Well...it’s certainly...uh...unique?

Kopaka: Are we going to stand around forever? Or are we going to return to the hotel?

Tava: Dunno, I kinda like the new hotel I made! So...much...pie... :drooling:

Fred: Assuming there’s even a hotel left to return to.

BEC: DoesntmatterwecanjustmakeTakanuvarebuildit!

Fred: Also we need to fix Po-Metru first.

BEC: MakeTakanuvadothattoo! :D

Fred: And we should find the others. Y’know, including Takanuva. Who isn’t actually HERE right now.

BEC: MakeTakanuvado--ohwaityeahyourerighthesnothere. Duh.

Fred: *muttering* Of all the Matoran to buy me from that pet store...had to be you...

BEC: Imassumingthatsacomplimentnowletsgettowork! Firstthingsfirstanybodygotanysugar?

Tava: I can make a Sugar Pie! Here! *grabs said pie out of the hotel’s walls and pies BEC in the face with it*

Random Ga-Matoran In Bath: HEY! Give me back my wall!

Tava: Oops, my bad! *conjures a new pie with his powers and fills the hole back in*

BEC: Wellthatwasembarrassing.

Kopaka: Let’s get this place cleaned up already. Enough antics.

Narrator: Kopaka then began by freezing all of the swamp water, turning all of Po-Metru into an impromptu ice rink, while the others started cutting down the random swamp pants that Fred had accidentally grown everywhere.

Pohatu: Hey Fred, I didn’t know you could control pants too!

Fred: Neither did I. I guess pants are technically made of plants, so I can, in fact, control pants after all. Who knew?

*Meanwhile, on the island of Mata Nui(‘s face)...*

Tahu: Finally. Everyone got off of me. Talk about a pain.

Narrator: Having washed up on a barren beach, Tahu got to his feet and began to look around.

Tahu: Come to think of it, where is everyone else? And the hotel? ...For that matter, where the heck am I? HELLO!

*crickets chirping*


RLC: Ha, ha! *breakdances away*

Tahu: BET GACK PIER!! Grr...

Zaktan: Hey Tahu, wanna buy a trash can?

Tahu: ON!

Zaktan: :huh:

Tahu: Awesome RLC...ugh I love that guy. What, now he’s his own personal word filter too?

Zaktan: I think you want my trash can. Here! *dumps Tahu into a trash can*

Tahu: WHAT THE KARZAHNI!! :burnmad:

Narrator: Due to the force of the “burnmad” emoticon, the trash can exploded, sending Tahu flying face-first into the side of Mount Ihu.

Tahu: Oww my head...hey, I escaped that trash can! Cool! :br:

Turaga Matau: *appears* That’s my line, copyright stealer!


Tahu: Oh, great. Stranded on an island with nothing but the Running Jokes. Fantastic.

OF: What’s that? Did you want to become a Running Joke?

Tahu: Wait a sec, you’re still a character? Since when?

OF: Since forever. Not my fault I mostly sit in the background zapping random Matoran with my powers when I get bored. I can zap you, too, if you want!

Tahu: Uh, no thanks. I already have an obsession. It’s called BURN STUFF!

Narrator: Tahu tried to burn the Toa of Obsessions, but reflexively OF shot a burst of his own power back at the Toa of Fire. The combination of their attacks, as cartoon logic dictates, caused an explosion when they hit, ripping a hole through the ice and sending them both plummeting through the ground below.


OF: Yowch, hot! It burns!


OF: Umm. Okay, now this is just disturbing.

*Meanwhile, in Ga-Metru...*

Jaller: Hahli... :wub:

Hahli: Jaller... :wub:

Everyone Else On Metru Nui: GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!

Jaller: Hahli... :wub:

Hahli: Jaller... :wub:

Narrator: It wasn’t long before Gali’s group--

Onua: Why not Onua’s group? It’s because you hate me, isn’t it?

Narrator: ...Maybe.

Onua: You know what? Fair enough.

Narrator: Anyway, it wasn’t long before GALI’S group spotted the two lovebirds. One blast of water from Gali was enough to shock them into reality.

Jaller: You’re lucky we’re not Mahri yet, or that wouldn’t have bothered me. What do you want?

Onua: Never mind how that makes no storyline sense whatsoever.

Jaller: Umm...?

Gali: Never mind about him. We need your help.

Takanuva: I drained my elemental powers trying to fix a kitchen 99 billion times. Don’t ask. We need your fire to re-light the suns!

Jaller: Wait, you actually ran out of light?

Takanuva: As weird as that seems. Yes.

*Meanwhile, in Po-Metru...*

Kopaka: HA!

Fred: Kopaka, why’d you just laugh randomly?

Kopaka: No idea. I just suddenly had the urge to shout “ha.”

Fred: A mystery for the ages, I suppose.

*Back in Ga-Metru...*

Jaller: Okay, we’ll help you.

Onua: Wow, that was easy.

Jaller: But in return, we want a free stay at your deluxe suite!

Lewa: We don’t have a deluxe suite!

Gali: Lewa, we don’t even have a hotel.

Lewa: Good point. Even if we did, we wouldn’t give it to you for free, though!

Jaller: Fine, then we won’t help you.

Takanuva: Lewa, without his help, we won’t have a hotel at all. Then you’ll be making ZERO money.

Lewa: Wait, WHAT? Okay, fine, deal!

Jaller: No comment. Let’s just get started!

*In Po-Metru, some time later...*

BEC: WHEWfinallyokweredone!

Fred: All pants--and plants--taken care of!

Kopaka: Time to find the others. But can we leave Takanuva behind?

Fred: NO.

Kopaka: Aww, why not?

Fred: Because.

Kopaka: Okay, fine.

Pohatu: So...many...bricks...*faints*

BEC: NevermindhimletsjustdraghimbehindustimetogotoGaMetru!

Tava: Why Ga-Metru? The hotel’s in Le-Metru. Though I’d like to hang on to the new hotel! I’m thinking of calling it “The Pieva Inn!”

Fred: I’m having horrible flashbacks to the crossover saga...

Tava: *pouts* You’re no fun.

Kopaka: Others are in Ga-Metru. Don’t know why.

Fred: How do you know that?

Kopaka: *points* Because I can see them.

Narrator: They all glanced over to where Kopaka was pointing, seeing that the border between Po- and Ga-Metru was only a few feet away the whole time.

BEC: Wellthatexplainswhereallthewaterintheswampcamefrom.

Gali: Hi, everyone! Surprised to see you here!

Everyone: I’m a Po-Matoran. I live in Po-Metru. Where else would I be?

Onua: Appearing randomly whenever Lewa0111 wants to make a silly pun?

Everyone: Good point. I do tend to do that. *Everyone wanders off somewhere*

Lewa: Where have you all been?

BEC: Cleaningupaswamp!

Lewa: ...What?

Fred: Don’t ask.

Onua: So where are the guests? Don’t tell me you all left them stranded!

Tava: No worries! I took care of it.

Gali: Why am I suddenly terrified?

Lewa: Anyway, is Tahu with you?

Fred: Tahu? No. We assumed he was with you.


Jaller: Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered!

Lewa: I know, but if Tahu was here, he could just do it for free!

Gali: Why would he do that?

Lewa: Because I’m the manager and I’d just order him to do it. Duh.

Gali: *sighs* Of course.

Takanuva: Well? If you want me to rebuild the hotel, we should head over to Le-Metru. No sense dawdling around here.

Tava: But I like my pie hotel better! It’s so...pieish.

Takanuva: NO.


Takanuva: We are not having another repeat of the Pieism saga. Once was bad enough.

Tava: But my pieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Narrator: Some time later, all the hotel staff (minus Tahu) had assembled for the Grand Re-Re-Opening of the Nuva Inn. Takanuva, with Jaller’s help, had rebuilt the entire thing in about ten minutes, and had even added a deluxe suite this time around.

Takanuva: Well, it’s all finished! Time to let the guests back in.

Tava: Do we HAVE to?

Lewa: Yes. That’s precious money we’re wasting here!

Narrator: However, before they could continue debating the merits of pie-hotels versus regular hotels, Kopaka pointed up.

Kopaka: Something’s coming down. Very fast.

Gali: I don’t see--right, Akaku. Duh.

Kopaka: It appears to be...two Toa?


Jaller: Too late!

Lewa: Aww.

Kopaka: Incoming. It’s definitely Tahu and OF. Tahu’s laughing weirdly, and OF is on fire.

Onua: *shrugs* Sounds pretty normal.


Narrator: Tava quickly conjured a Trampoline Pie and hurled it with perfect accuracy onto the roof of the hotel. OF landed safely on the pie, bouncing quickly and safely, but Tahu at the last second veered away from the pie.

Gali: Oh no. What’s he doing?

Narrator: Tahu adjusted his trajectory until he was directly on course for the pool.


Onua: Okay, this is definitely not normal! LOOK OUT!

Tava: I’m out of pies! Not good!



Narrator: Some time later, everyone had gone into the pool room to survey the damage and check on Tahu. The Toa of Fire was splashing around in the shallow end happily, flinging water everywhere.


Everyone Besides Tahu: :fear:

Gali: I’m suddenly terrified. What is wrong with the universe?

Onua: What’s wrong with OF, more like.

Lewa: TAKANUVA! Fix that roof now!

Takanuva: No.


Takanuva: I’m out of light again. I just built an entire hotel!

Lewa: Just make Tahu recharge your powers, then! Tahu, hit him with some fire, ok?

Tahu: I hate fire! Water is the best!

Lewa: :facepalm:

Jaller: Never fear, I’ll take care of it! ...For an extra two weeks in our deluxe suite, that is.

Lewa: *huffs* Okay. Fine. Do it, then.

Narrator: Jaller quickly recharged Takanuva, who in turn repaired the roof of the hotel instantly.

Jaller: There you go! We’re off to stay in our new suite now!

*Jaller and Hahli leave*

Tahu: Can I be the new lifeguard now please please pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Lewa: I suppose...


Gali: I guess I’ll just be full-time front desky person from now on, then.

BEC: Waitwaitisntthatmyjob?

Lewa: You can take Tahu’s old job in the kitchen. Just don’t eat ALL the sugar.

BEC: OkaycoolIlltakeit!

Lewa: And I’ll be in my Manager’s Suite. Doing managery things. As usual.

Takanuva: Uh, Lewa?

Lewa: What?

Takanuva: I should probably point out that...you know where your Manager’s Suite used to be?

Lewa: Yeah. What about it?

Takanuva: I sort of used that spot to put Jaller’s new Deluxe Suite. I can’t put it back to normal until his free weeks are used up.

Lewa: You. Did. WHAT!?

Takanuva: And that’s my cue to leave. Bye!



Onua: Hey, Narrator, we didn’t find out who won the contest!

Narrator: Yeah, about that. We had a meeting of the Lewa# Studios Council of Author-Type Beings during this chapter.

Onua: There’s a council? Who’s in it?

Narrator: Me, the Caption and Title Writing Guys, Lewa0111 obviously, Lehrak1222, Gali1000, and the Narratorrahk.

Onua: Weird. So what did you decide?

Narrator: We barely have any votes at all. As of right now Fred’s song is winning, but all of the votes were in before the final singing contest chapter was in. So we’re giving everyone a new chance to vote for their favorite winners. By the next TNI chapter, we’ll have our answer.

Onua: Sounds like a lame cop-out to me.

Narrator: It’s the truth! Besides, you guys had enough to deal with in this chapter, didn’t you?

Onua: *shrugs* A fair point.

Narrator: So get your votes in, everyone!

Everyone: I already voted!

Onua: I don’t think he was talking about you.

Everyone: I hate having such a weird name...

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 3,650 words.

~Lewa# Studios

  • 0
My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)
ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

#104 Offline Ghidora131

  • Banned Members
  • Disintegration Resolved

  • 21-June 13
  • 6,973 posts

Posted Jun 23 2016 - 12:55 AM

I just realized this topic never got a single upvote.


Well there, a free upvote on the first post for you. ;)

  • 0

#105 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Toa of Hilarity

  • 07-February 06
  • 1,924 posts

Posted Sep 29 2016 - 02:27 PM

Guess who’s back? THIS GUY! And with a new TNI chapter for your trouble. Enjoy!

(P.S. Thanks for the reply/upvote, Ghidora!)

The Nuva Inn
A BIONICLE comedy by Me!
Chapter 39: The OF Strikes Back OR Obsessions Ahoy!

Narrator: ...

Narrator: ...

Narrator: ...

Narrator: ...

Onua: What? What are you waiting for?

Narrator: You.

Onua: Why me?

Narrator: Aren’t you going to complain about something?

Onua: Nah. Not today.

Narrator: GASP!

Onua: *shrugs* Well, the “length since last chapter” complaint is overdone, this isn’t any kind of crazy quest or special edition chapter, nobody else is interrupting our intro sequence, and the titles actually aren’t bad for once. I’ve got nothing.


Onua: Yes you do.

TWG: Then what’s my job? Explain THAT!

Onua: You sit there as a person the Narrator can blame when I insult his titles.

TWG: They’re my titles!!

Onua: Keep telling yourself that.

Narrator and TWG: :wacko:

Onua: Oh! Hey! I just thought of something to complain about!

Narrator: :sarcastic: Fantastic. Go for it. Complain away.

Onua: Alright, great. You remember that holiday song contest? The one that started more than half a year ago?

Narrator: ...Yeah...

Onua: Who won?

Narrator: Fred by default. Nobody else wanted to vote since our announcement in the last chapter. Happy?

Onua: Not really. I wanted you to hem and haw again. That was hilarious last time!

Narrator: Oh, shut up.

Onua: Nah. This is way more fun! :D

Narrator: Sigh...look, I’m just gonna go ahead and start the chapter now, okay? After the previous chapter, we now join the Toa Nuva as they adjust to their newly re-re-built hotel.

Lewa: :crying: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! My beautiful Manager’s Suite! It’s GONE! This is a nightmare! A tragedy! I can’t possibly go on! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Narrator: ...MOST of them adjusting, anyway.

Gali: Oh, shut up and stop crying. We’ve got guests to tend. Besides, you’ll get your suite back in two weeks.

Lewa: But my precious smoothie machine! Massage chair! Big-screen TV! Excuse to be lazy and not actually do any work!

Gali: What was that?

Lewa: :lookaround: Umm...forget I said that last one, ok?

Gali: Whatever. I’m off to check in some more guests. Make yourself useful and do something.

*Gali goes back to the front desk*

Lewa: BUT MY SUITE! :crying:

Takanuva: Hey, Lewa? Just finished repairing the roof. But Tahu’s still...umm...not himself, so Jaller’s gonna have to keep filling in for him.

Lewa: What do you mean, not himself? Wait, are you saying I have to wait even longer now!?

Takanuva: Yep. Unfortunately.

Lewa: That does it. I am fixing that water-obsessed weirdo, now.

Gali: *shouting from front desk* I am not a weirdo!

Lewa: ...I don’t mean you. Where’s Tahu now?

Takanuva: Last I saw him, Ga-Metru.


Narrator: And with that, Lewa zoomed off hyperly toward Ga-Metru.

BEC: Hey, zooming off hyperly is my joke! I have that copyr--

Keetongu: :evilgrin:

BEC: --tttttrademarked! Yeah! Trademarked is what I was going to say!

Keetongu: :( *teleports away*

Fred: Glad to see you’ve calmed down, at least. Why aren’t you hyper? Not that I’m complaining.

BEC: I don’t know. Someone stole all my sugar and...wait a minute...LEWA YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!

*Meanwhile, in the Manager’s Deluxe Suite...*

Jaller: Hahli... :wub:

Hahli: Jaller... :wub:

All Other Guests In The Hotel: GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!

Hahli: We DID get a room! What do you think we’re sitting in?

Pohatu: Umm...a pirate ship?

Jaller and Hahli: What.

Hahli: Where’d you come from?

Pohatu: No idea. I just wandered up here because I assumed Lewa was going to order me to do something ridiculously difficult. Bye!

Narrator: And with that, Pohatu wandered off as randomly as he had come.

Jaller: You know, randomly appearing Toa notwithstanding, this is actually a pretty nice job. All I have to do is light Takanuva’s staff on fire occasionally, and we get to stay in this awesome suite!

Hahli: Yeah, it’s nice. And there’s nothing to complain about!

Tava: Watch out! RUNAWAY PIE~!

Kopaka: I got it. Chill.

Gali: Look, whatever you summoned me for, it can’t be that bad. Why do you--MMPH!

Narrator: As Tava dove forward to catch the gigantic flying pie, Kopaka froze it--and Tava--into a huge ice block, which promptly crashed into Gali.

Gali: Get this thing off of me! Take this!

Narrator: Gali then launched the frozen pie-and-Tava-combo away from her with a powerful jet of water, sending it crashing through the walls of the Deluxe Suite, catching Jaller and Hahli in the process, and sending the whole combination plummeting into the sea.

Jaller: :onwater: ...You were saying, Hahli?

Hahli: Okay, I guess we do have some things to complain about. Like the fact that :onwater: isn’t a real emoticon.

Jaller: Well, it should be. Where’s mutagenic Pit water to turn us into Mahri when we need it?

Hahli: How do you--never mind. Let’s just swim to shore.

Tava *still in ice block*: Hey, I could use some help over here! Hello? Toa Inika? Help please?

*Meanwhile, in Ga-Metru...*

Tahu: WOOHOO! So...much...water... :br:

Vhisola: Umm, what is the Toa of Fire doing?

Kaa: I don’t know, but I’m scared.

Kailani: Me too.

Turaga Nokama: Oh, not to worry. He’s just been hit by a Toa of Obsessions’ powers. I’ve seen it before. It’ll wear off eventually.

All Ga-Matoran: Phew.

Tahu: And a 1, and a 2, and a 3...DIVE!

Narrator: Tahu promptly dove off of a hastily constructed diving board made up of some spare Chroniclers’ Staffs and a ton of super-glue that he’d glued to the top of the Great Temple.


Tahu: Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

Narrator: In a short time, Lewa skidded to a stop on the scene, accidentally bowling over several Ga-Matoran in the process.

Vhisola: LOOK OUT!


Lewa: AlrighteveryoneImhereformyToaofFireback! TahuyougetoutoftheoceanRIGHTNOW!

Tahu: Nah, this is way more fun! Come on in!

Lewa: IwillNOTgointhereyousillyobsessedToa! YoulikeFIRE!

Tahu: I hate fire! I’m a Toa of Water now! See?

Narrator: Tahu attempted to use his “water” powers, but, of course, he was still a Toa of Fire. The sea began to steam like crazy, spewing steam everywhere.

Tahu: See? Look at all this water! WATER! WAAAAAATTTTEEEERRRRR!!

Lewa: ThatsnotwaterthatsSTEAMyoustupidlittle...ohhiBEC. Whatsup?

BEC: You stole my sugar, didn’t you?

Lewa: Ummmaybe?

BEC: Fred, use Vine Whip!

Fred: I’m not a Pokemon...

BEC: Fine, then I’ll just--hey, wait a sec, where’d the ocean go?

Lewa: Whatwhatareyoutalkingabout?

Narrator: Lewa turned around to see...well, steam, since there was steam everywhere.

Lewa: Wait, how can you see anything? I just see steam.

BEC: HAmadeyoulooknowIpunchedmysugarbackoutofyouwhileyouweredistracted!

Lewa: That’s possible?

Fred: Yeah, I know. It’s just BEC-logic.

Lewa: TAHU! Where’d you go?


BEC: WOWlotsofcryingToainthischapter.


Lewa: Wait a minute, BEC, you were serious?

BEC: Iwas? Waitreally?

Lewa: Apparently. Now what?

Random Ga-Matoran #77: Fog, fog, gotta love fog! Fog is the best and fog is the best! I. Love. FOOOOOOOOOOOOG!

Lewa: Where there’s random obsessions, there’s OF. Off I go!

Narrator: Lewa promptly ran about five feet...and fell off the now-empty shoreline to land in a pile next to Tahu.

Tahu: Oh, hey Lewa. Can you help me find my ocean? I lost it.

Lewa: Cursed steam!

Tahu: MY PRECIOUS WATER! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

*Lewa groans*

*Meanwhile still...*

Gali: I suppose even when I’m not the lifeguard, I’m still the lifeguard.

Tava: Thanks for the antifreeze, by the way. Guess what I did with it?

Gali: Let me guess. Antifreeze Pie?

Tava: No, actually.

Gali: :OMG:

Tava: ...Though now that you mention it, that does sound like a cool idea. Nah, I gave it to Kopaka.

Gali: Well, that’s random. Why?

Tava: I dunno, it looked like something a janitator would need, so I gave it to him. Whatever, I’m off to find more so I can try making a pie with it!

Narrator: And with that, Tava ran off, leaving a very perplexed Gali behind.

Gali: *sigh* Time to find Kopaka, I guess. Also, what happened to those Toa Inika?

Onua: Probably went to find Takanuva to rebuild their Deluxe Suite.

Gali: Good point. Wait, where’d you come from?

Onua: I’ve been with you this whole time. I’m just quiet sometimes.

Gali: Oh, okay. Let’s go!

*Meanwhile, in Ko-Metru (wow, lots of transitions today!)...*

Random Ko-Matoran #625 (singing): Oh I love history, the past is so fun, telescopes are boring, history’s so fun!


Nuju: Rahi language is stupid. MATORAN LANGUAGE IS THE BEST~!

Narrator: Interrupting this string of obsessions was Lewa, skidding to a stop in the middle of Ko-Metru and surprising the Turaga and Matoran.

Lewa: Alright, you obsessed little Matoran, where’s that Toa of Obsessions? Where’s OF?

Kopeke: I don’t know where the Toa of Obsessions is but I did see a Toa of Air show up just now in Ko-Metru and he seemed rather angry but did you know that yesterday a flock of Gukko birds crashed into the Knowledge Tower and everyone was annoyed because they got everything very messy and you should have seen the look on Ehrye’s face when he had to stop working for an entire day because a bird landed on his telescope and wouldn’t get off it took an entire squad of Vahki to get the birds to go somewhere else and--

Lewa: Cool story. I don’t have time for this! Where’s OF?

Nuju: I think he’s over there. *points*

Narrator: Lewa followed the Turaga’s gesture to see the Toa of Obsessions himself, sitting on top of a Knowledge Tower, all alone.

OF: :howdy:

Lewa: YOU! Get down here and fix Tahu right now!

OF: What?

Lewa: I said, get down here and fix Tahu right now!

OF: I can’t hear you!

Lewa: What?

OF: I said I can’t hear you!

Lewa: Well, come down then! You look really silly sitting up there by yourself, anyway.

OF: I don’t know what you said. I think you asked me to come down.

Lewa: Look, when you’re up there I can’t hear you!

OF: I can’t come down, my powers are stuck on and I can’t shut them off! You’ll become obsessed with something random!

Lewa: *sigh* Where’d I put that thing...

Narrator: Lewa proceeded to rummage through his Toa-Pocket™, tossing out a kazoo, pineapple, Tarakava, Tahu’s firesword, and (inexplicably) Pohatu before triumphantly grabbing a megaphone that was twice his height.

Pohatu: Oww! Why is it always me!?

Lewa (in megaphone): OF, does this help?

OF: Sure, what do you want?

Lewa: ...Didn’t think this through, did I? I still can’t hear you.

OF: Toss me the megaphone!

Lewa: What if I tossed you the megaphone?

OF: That’s what I--

Narrator: The aforementioned megaphone smacked OF in the face.

OF (in megaphone): Next time toss it to my hands, not my face!

Lewa: Sorry. You know what, this is getting ridiculous. I’m coming up there.

OF (in megaphone): Wait, don’t! My powers are stuck on, you’ll become obsessed!

Narrator: Lewa then switched to a Kanohi Kadin and rocketed himself up to where OF was.

Lewa: Stole Borrowed this from Nuparu a while back. Came in handy!

OF: Lewa, I can’t control my powers. I’ll obsess you, stay away!

Lewa: I think you underestimate my own money obsession.

OF: Watch out!

Narrator: OF then launched a blast at Lewa accidentally, which caught the Toa of Air in the face.


OF: Wow. He wasn’t kidding about his money obsession.


Narrator: Lewa whipped out a gigantic stack of super-shiny widgets, which were shiny enough to act as a mirror. OF’s next blast reflected off of the widgets and hit OF himself in the leg.

OF: I love obsessing people! WHEEEEEEEEE!

Lewa: MONEY!

Narrator: The second time Lewa repeated the widget strategy, the beam hit OF right in the mask instead.

OF: Whoa. What happened?

Lewa: MONEY!

OF: *shrugs* I don’t remember what’s going on. But at least Lewa seems normal.


OF: Yup. Perfectly normal. Oh well, time to go home.

Lewa: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

OF: Wait, how did he “say” a bunch of dollar signs just now?


OF: I’m...just...going to...leave now.

*Back in the hotel...*

Gali: Has anyone seen Kopaka?

Random Matoran #35: HELP! HELP! I’m drowning!

Gali: Oh great.

Narrator: Gali then ran to the pool room, but saw no one there.

Random Matoran #35: WE’RE OVER HERE!

Gali: The ice rink? Why--oh, right. Looks like we now have two pools instead.

Onua: Fantastic. Time to find Kopaka then...and come to think of it, where’s Pohatu?

Takanuva: I think Lewa put him in his pocket.

Onua: Wat.

Takanuva: My thoughts exactly.

Toa Onewa: Hey, you stole my line!

Onua, Takanuva, and Gali: WRONG COMEDY! *shove him back through portal*

*BEC zooms in*

BEC: HeyguyswhatsgoingonLewawentofftofindOFandIgotmysugarbackyippee!

Gali: Have you seen Kopaka?

BEC: Nonononononononononononononononono! Haventseenhim.


Gali: Oh. There he is. Takanuva, keep saying “No” so we can find him.

Takanuva: What? No!

Kopaka (slightly less muffled): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!

Onua: Great! Sounds like he’s in the basement.

Gali: There’s no basement here.

Takanuva: Yes there is, I built one this morning.

Gali: Oh. Takanuva, do you like Makuta?

Takanuva: Why would you even ask that? No!


Gali: Alright, we’re almost there.

Narrator: They all raced down the stairs to the newly-rebuilt basement, following the patterns of Kopaka screaming each time they made Takanuva say “No.”

Gali: 2+2 equals five, right?

Takanuva: No! Stop asking stupid questions!

Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH, stop asking stupid questions!

Gali: Weird.

Onua: At least it worked. This way!

BEC: HeyTakanuvayouloveitwhenImsuperhyperandannoyingright?

Takanuva: No! Stop it!


Fred: For the record, neither do I.

BEC: NobodycaresIlovebehindhyperwheeeeeeeee!

Onua: One more ought to do it. Takanuva, is Lewa the greatest boss in the world?

Takanuva: No!


Gali: Gotcha!

Narrator: Gali opened a door to reveal Kopaka, surrounded by water that he was trying desperately to freeze.

Gali: Oh, hi Kopaka. What are you doing?

Kopaka: I’m a Toa of Water now, apparently. I can’t freeze things anymore.

Gali: Let me help.

Narrator: Gali used her power over water to send it out of the room and into the pool, where it would be more useful.

Kopaka: Thanks. I spilled some janitating fluid on my ice blades and now I can’t freeze stuff.

Gali: By ‘janitating fluid,’ do you by chance mean the stuff Tava gave you?

Kopaka: Yes.

*Everyone stares at Takanuva*

Takanuva: ...Not saying it.

Onua: Aww...

Gali: Give me those.

Narrator: Kopaka promptly handed her his ice blades, and she used a jet of water to wash off the tips.

Kopaka: That was easy.

Gali: I should mention that there’s a second pool that needs freezing.

Kopaka: Second pool?

Onua: By which she means the ice rink. Which melted.

Kopaka: Fine. I’ll fix it.

Onua: Great. Now we just have to wait until Lewa gets back with OF in tow. Which is hopefully soon!

Gali: Yeah, let’s all leave this basement and wait for them, I guess.

Takanuva: And I’ll repair that suite.

Gali: What, you still haven’t done it yet?

Takanuva: I was busy! Geez.

Gali: Busy with what?

Takanuva: Making a basement for no reason whatsoever.

Gali: Oh, okay.

*Back in Ko-Metru...*

OF: Well, things seem less normal out here.

Nuju: Ah, there you are. Lewa was asking about you earlier.

OF: Yes, I know. Wait, why are you talking?

Nuju: The Matoran Language is the best thing ever! I love it so much! It’s awesome! Rahi language is overrated.

Kopeke: I know right talking is so much fun I could just talk all day hey Toa did you know a Toa of Air was here earlier he was obsessed with money but now he’s even more obsessed than usual and a new telescope just came in from Nui-Bay and it looks awesome I can’t wait to try it out but also our Knowledge Tower needs some repair work I’m hoping to book Takanuva but he’s busy building a basement for no reason and Matoran are living on the moon tomorrow did you know--

Random Matoran #35: Anybody got a history book? The past is awesome! I hate the future. It’s so boring. Staring at space all day, I’d rather look at the past, the past is the best thing ever!

OF: :fear: What.

Kopeke: --I know right that was totally my reaction when I found out that Nidhiki and Lariska were dating but Krekka was dating a piece of cauliflower for some reason and it’s the latest gossip on Odina and The Shadowed One has been blogging about it oh yeah he started a blog about Dark Hunter antics you know what else is funny Ancient collects stuffed Rahi it’s adorable and hilarious you should totally check it out--

OF: That does it!



OF: ...Wait, I just made it worse. Hold on.


Kopeke: ...?

OF: Phew, that’s better. Oh, hi Nuju.

Nuju: What are you doing? Kopeke’s unusually silent now. Wait, don’t point that thing at me!


Nuju: Beep, beep whistle quirk fweet kazoo!

OF: Looks like I have a lot of cleaning up to do.


Random Matoran #35: Time to go stargazing! The future calls!

OF: That’s a relief! Wait, what’s that? Oh no...not him...

Lewa: MONEY!

Narrator: Lewa pulled up in a huge tow truck, painted like widgets, and grabbed Onewa Fan with it.

OF: Wait, stop!


Lewa: Huh. That’s weird. I WANT MY MONEY, you fix Tahu right now!

OF: Oh, right. He’s already obsessed with money even without me. Should’ve guessed.


Onua: WHAT!?

Pohatu: By the way, I love--

Onua: You’re not allowed in the extro! Narrator, how could you?

Narrator: What, allow Pohatu in here? Even I can’t override the power of Running Jokes.

Onua: No, not that. The ending!

Narrator: What about it?

Onua: That has got to be the stupidest place for a chapter ending I’ve ever seen.

Narrator: Yeah, well. Has to end somewhere.

Onua: But you can’t just randomly end it like that! It’s got to have a resolution. A solid feeling of ending, not just THE END suddenly dropped into it like that.

Narrator: Yeah, well, guess what?

Onua: What?

Narrator: You’re just a character. I’m a narrator. So my way goes. Ha!

Onua: Groan...

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 3,094 words. Holy Kanohi, Batman!

~Lewa# Studios

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)
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#106 Offline Erasmus Graves

Erasmus Graves
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  • 15-October 15
  • 359 posts

Posted Oct 05 2016 - 08:20 PM

I chuckled so hard while reading this.

6/5 Rotating Pohatu magazine.

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"Mutiny, Booty and Entropy"  - The Three Vices of the Frostelus

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