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Dark Unto Days


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#1 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Nov 02 2012 - 02:15 PM

WIKI PAGE FOR PART 1!Dark Unto DaysPart 1“There’s something off about him.” Pridak said.“Who is off?” Takadox asked.Pridak gestured towards the window. Takadox and Ehlek joined him as he stared down at Lewa Mata, who was on the lawn socializing with the Toa Nuva. The 2012 Hero Factory winter line had just arrived.“I’m not seeing it.” Ehlek said.“Tahu Mata said he saw you somewhere.” Pridak told Ehlek. “He said that... you were in a paradox with him. A paradox that I and Nex created.”“Yeah, we did.” Ehlek shrugged. “I have some memories of it now. Everybody he spoke to does. So what?”“Haven’t you ever wondered why Lewa Mata wasn’t a part of the group that helped you save Tahu?”“Well... not really.”“Stupid move, I’m guessing?” Takadox guessed.Pridak nodded. “Nex corrupted Pohatu Mata with ease, as did ALMIGHTY. Who’s to say he didn’t hit another Toa Mata member as well, and we’ve simply never known it?”“He does seem to be... off.” Takadox commented.“Well, we didn’t really question it at the time.” Ehlek responded. “I mean, our main goal was to get Tahu Mata into the past so that we could fix things. I don’t remember clearly... my memory is fuzzy. After all, the events never really happened to me, did they?”“Why do you have memories of it then?” asked Takadox.“Because it’s a paradox.” Pridak said, his shoulders slumping. “If I’d never gone back, Nex wouldn’t get control and the whole thing wouldn’t occur, but then neither would the Tahu vs. Tahu war, meaning I never went back, and... well, you get the rest.”“Certainly confusing.” the blue Barraki nodded. “I don’t see what you want to do about it.”“I don’t know.” Pridak shrugged. “Quite frankly, I’d usually send some sets to spy on him... but I just don’t care.”“We could send the Piraka.” suggested Ehlek.“Whatever.”*-*-*-*“Hey Lewa, what’s up?” Pohatu Nuva asked.“Oh you know, the usual.” Lewa Mata answered. “Repairs to the house go well, although it’s bringing things with it.”“Things?” Gali Nuva asked.“Yes... pieces. Of those that are... gone now.”“Disgusting.”“Not so much, no. Just worrisome, as I do not wish to have the new Hero Factory sets going on a rampage for information. There’s no need for them to know anything.”“Why can’t they know?” Kopaka Nuva asked.“I think that’s a reasonable request.” Pohatu Nuva interrupted. “Thank you for letting us know, Lewa.”“But of course, Pohatu... speaking of which, if you don’t mind, I would like to speak with you in private.”“Of course!”The two Toa walked away from the group, leaving the remaining Toa Nuva to stand together. Kopaka Nuva stared after them suspiciously, thinking on the rather out of character personality Lewa Mata had been showing since the end of the war.“He isn’t the same.” the Toa Nuva of Ice said.“None of us have been since the war.” Onua Nuva said gruffly.“No, I mean... he’s too different. And he was too powerful in that fight. He survived attacks from Torch and killed Nex 2.0 with one arm... and that was just in the battle we saw.”“What do you mean?” Gali Nuva asked.Kopaka Nuva’s gaze darkened. “Strakk told me about a battle he, Lewa Mata and Tahu Mata fought against a group of Throwbots, Matoran and Nex a few days before the war ended. Lewa Mata took down every Throwbot and Matoran, and nearly defeated Nex then. All by himself.”“You’re not serious.”“Yes, I am.” Kopaka Nuva said, glancing up to a window of the house. The three Barraki could be seen backing away, deep in discussion. “And I’m not the only one to notice Lewa Mata’s changed behaviour.”“Takanuva Stars hasn’t been the same, either.” Onua Nuva pointed out.“That’s different... Lewa Mata demoted him for a silly outburst about Tahu Stars. He’s become bitter and recluse ever since, and the way Lewa Mata’s been using him in a twisted way doesn’t help at all.”“You’re just saying this to be mean.” Gali Nuva said. “Stop it right now. Tahu Nuva is gone, you can’t do anything about that.”“I don’t give a rat’s Do NOT bypass the filter. -B6 about Tahu Nuva!” Kopaka Nuva snapped. “It’s Lewa Mata I’m concerned about! He’s not right! It’s almost like he’s serving someone... serving... oh please, let me be wrong....”*-*-*-*“Hey, you’re name is Pridak, right?” a voice asked.Pridak froze at the sound of a voice behind him, staring at the computer screen he’d been typing on.Tahu vs. Tahu: The Story that Must be ToldWith a slow hand, Pridak reached over and clicked the monitor off before turning around and sighing with relief.“Oh, it’s just some of the newbies. What’s up?” he asked.“You are skinny, man.” the fat yellow hero said. “Good grief man, put on some weight!”“I am not skinny!” Pridak scoffed. “You, my friend, are just outright fat.”“See Evo? I told you that you’re fat.” the gold hero smirked.“Shut up, Rocka! I don’t care about your opinions!”Pridak slumped down into the chair. Already he could tell it would be a long afternoon.*-*-*-*The attic entrance creaked open slowly as a green medium sized set crawled through. It snapped shut a moment later, and the set was left in the darkness for a moment before a fearsome source of light appeared somewhere before him.“Come, my most faithful servant.” a voice rumbled out of the darkness. “We have much to discuss, you and I.”“Do we? I thought we’d accomplished our goal.”“We have accomplished but one of our goals. We will do great things together, you and I... but first, you must have knowledge and memory.”“Knowledge is power. Memory is the key. Ambition is strength. Ideas are control.”“You have done well to remember those. They have served you just as well as you have served me... but you have been hoping to speak with me too, yes?”“I...I have, sir.”“Ask away, my servant. I will answer all questions it is prudent to answer at this time.”“I... I want to know about Nex, sir. Why did you pick Nex?”To Be Continued in Dark Unto Days Part 2.[color=#008080;]Be sure to come back Friday November the 9th for Part 2! Check out the iBrow Voltex wiki for the page on this comedy! And finally, check back here November the 5th for the first promotion of The Afterwords![/color][color=#008080;]-ibrow[/color]

Edited by Black Six, Dec 08 2012 - 08:47 AM.

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CHAPTER 8

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At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.


#2 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Nov 02 2012 - 03:33 PM

WOW. Yes, I did finally decide to read this. AND I LOVE IT!!!The part with the Nuva and LM (Lewa Mata) was pretty intense. Kopaka Nuva's going to get HIS rat's butt kicked in for saying that stuff about Tahu Nuva and LM. The part with Pridak and the newbies was funny though. You can never get enough of a skinny white marshmallow with shark blood and glowing blue eyes :). Can you release Part 2 sooner, like, tomorrow?~MN~
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#3 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Nov 02 2012 - 05:41 PM

WOW.Yes, I did finally decide to read this. AND I LOVE IT!!!The part with the Nuva and LM (Lewa Mata) was pretty intense. Kopaka Nuva's going to get HIS rat's butt kicked in for saying that stuff about Tahu Nuva and LM.The part with Pridak and the newbies was funny though. You can never get enough of a skinny white marshmallow with shark blood and glowing blue eyes :).Can you release Part 2 sooner, like, tomorrow?~MN~

No way! I gotta give you guys the time to theorize about the next chapter together, discuss your favourite characters, discuss where you think the comedy is headed, pick out favourite quotes! You know, the usual stuff that nobody does!-ibrow

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CHAPTER 8

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At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.


#4 Offline Tiz Arrior

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Posted Nov 02 2012 - 06:41 PM

Hmm, this seems very intriguing. I admittedly have yet to read most of the other series, something I have to catch up on very soon, however, I'm very interested in where this is headed. Sounds like an action-packed, but comedic, story in the making. =DPoor Lewa, though, he just can't catch a break. xD
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#5 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Nov 02 2012 - 07:02 PM

Hmm, this seems very intriguing. I admittedly have yet to read most of the other series, something I have to catch up on very soon, however, I'm very interested in where this is headed. Sounds like an action-packed, but comedic, story in the making. =DPoor Lewa, though, he just can't catch a break. xD

Poor Lewa? Yeah, you definitely haven't read the other series lol. If you know what he's done, you wouldn't want him to be given a break. -ibrow

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CHAPTER 8

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At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.


#6 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Nov 04 2012 - 10:08 PM

Acording to you, tahu mata said this ...suspicions about my closest ally, about ALMIGHTY...mind=blown He knew.

Edited by rahkshi guurahk, Nov 04 2012 - 10:08 PM.

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#7 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Nov 05 2012 - 03:32 PM

Hey everybody guess what.CHECK THIS LINK IF YOU ARE A TVT FAN OR ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE AFTERWORDS.I'll give you a preview, just this once. After that, check the topic every five days.Posted Image

Edited by iBrow Voltex, Nov 05 2012 - 03:33 PM.

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CHAPTER 8

book_1_logo_super_small.jpg

 

At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.


#8 Offline -JL-

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Posted Nov 06 2012 - 01:58 AM

“Knowledge is power. Memory is the key. Ambition is strength. Ideas are control.”

Still cannot escape. Urk. Was that...?Good chapter, introducing the stuff to us. Not much on the fun side, and very much a chapter that left us a bit hanging, but still good.Finally, and I know this isn't that related to your topic...but what is your opinion on the final episode on rvb?

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#9 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Nov 07 2012 - 03:30 PM

“Knowledge is power. Memory is the key. Ambition is strength. Ideas are control.”

Still cannot escape. Urk. Was that...?Good chapter, introducing the stuff to us. Not much on the fun side, and very much a chapter that left us a bit hanging, but still good.Finally, and I know this isn't that related to your topic...but what is your opinion on the final episode on rvb?

I was very satisfied with Carolina and Epsilon confronting the Director (and I need to see Epsilon go fragmental again), and I loved the reveal with Flowers. However. the entire Halo 4 bit felt forced, and with a brand new map that doesn't actually look like Blood Gulch, it made the switch too drastic for me to like it. Roosterteeth would have been better off just having them return to Ragnarok, substituting it for Valhalla.The chapter is meant to be a bit of an introduction - re-introducing you all to several characters you've gotten to know while also making room for the new stars to take the spotlight.-ibrow

Edited by iBrow Voltex, Nov 07 2012 - 03:32 PM.

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CHAPTER 8

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At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.


#10 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Nov 09 2012 - 03:12 PM

Dark Unto DaysPart 2“You want to know about Nex?”The words drifted out of the shadows from a hulking figure that would give most sets nightmares if they lived past the experience. However, Lewa Mata had been on speaking terms with the figure for over ten years.“Yes sir. I want to know why you let him die.” Lewa Mata responded. “Tell me, ALMIGHTY. He always said that he was your most valuable servant.”“I tell that to all of my servants, regardless of their role.” ALMIGHTY answered. “It helps to keep them in line. Perhaps an analogy is in order... all of you servants are like a chess board.”“A chess board?”“Yes... some, such as Macku, you would consider a bishop. Others, like the rest of her gang, or Pohatu Mata, would be the pawns. Nex would be the rook. I myself would be the king. But after the king, there is one piece that is worth more than all of the others combined.”“The queen.”“Correct... and that is where you stand, Lewa Mata. You are the queen of my chess board. I could lose all of my servants but you and still emerge victorious. When it became clear that the Throwbots were too unpredictable, I sacrificed them. When Nex showed that he wished to kill you, he had to die.”“That is it?”“Not so simple. The chess board... those would be the servants of mine that I deem most important. Then, there are the other pieces. You have a chess board... Nex had a chess board... you get the idea. There are sets that are working for you, but they do not necessarily realize that you are working for me.”“It’s better that way?”“Oh, yes I should think so.”“I think some of the sets suspect me.” Lewa Mata told him. “They act strangely around me.”“Do not bottle yourself up as you have been. I would have preferred to slowly work behind the scenes to make the Tahu vs. Tahu war begin at a later date, but you were beginning to collapse from the pressure of hiding your true nature.” ALMIGHTY told him. “So I instigated the war immediately, and it gave you a window through which you could unleash your emotions. As a result, we came through successful. Do not worry about these other sets; they are few, and they are weak.”“Of course... I checked on the Basement and the Pond today; both remain locked and frozen, despite the oncoming spring melt.”“Those are of negligible importance at the moment... however, there is something important I must share with you.” ALMIGHTY rumbled. “I must leave this universe soon. There are other universes that need conquering, and several of them are becoming rather... restless... without someone such as myself to rule with an iron fist. This job will tax my powers severely, and as such when I leave, I will have to stay away for some months.”“I’ll be here by myself? Keeping control by myself?”“Yes, you will. I leave in the month of April, and I will not return for at least a year after that.”“April is next month!”“Precisely. I would advise that you begin the preparations soon.”*-*-*-*“Alright everyone, I’d like to welcome you to the first formal meeting of the ‘Lewa Mata is Evil’ club.” Pridak announced. “We’ve gathered you all here today because you have shown a reluctance to believe that Lewa Mata’s recent behaviour is normal and to be expected.”“There’s only eleven of us.” Hakann pointed out. “Six of us are Piraka, three are Barraki, and two are Toa from different lines.”“Thank you once again for pointing out the obvious, Hakann.” Vezok responded.“This isn’t much now, but it is our first meeting.” Pridak said. “I’m sure we’ll gather more members as time goes on. For now, we live with what we get. We aren’t launching an attack tomorrow, anyway.”“I’m not launching any attacks.” Zaktan said. “Attacks mean we die.”“Yeah, because you can totally die and not come back to life, Zaktan.” Thok rolled his eyes.“Not the point!”“No arguing.” Reidak interrupted gruffly. “We listen to Barraki, and Barraki will let us know everything.”“Well, not everything...” Ehlek trailed off. “We don’t know everything ourselves.”“You’re brilliant at inspiring confidence Ehlek.”“Shut up, Avak!”“You’re both awful with the confidence.” Takadox interrupted. “How’s that?”“Awful!”“Stupid!”“Are they always this bad?” Kopaka Nuva asked Pridak as the group descended into a chorus of arguments.“No, today is a good day.” Pridak told him.“ENOUGH!”The entire group froze for a second and then sat up straight in their seats, facing Pridak and not even blinking.“That’s better.”Pridak glanced at the Toa of Water that had joined them for the meeting, frowning slightly. He disliked that much power just with three words being given to anybody... but at the same time, she had done the impossible in getting the group to focus. Plus, out of them all, Takadox and Vezok didn’t seem to be fazed one bit – Pridak resolved to ask Takadox about it later.“Alright, after that exceptionally scary ordeal, we shall continue.” Pridak began.“I say we strike him later, rather than sooner.” Takadox said.“Let me finish!”“No, listen to me. He knows what every set will be thinking of him, and if he’s got ALMIGHTY on his side then the two of them probably know that this meeting is going on right now.” Takadox said. “So if we wait, we can use the new sets to fight back.”“And how do we do that?” asked Pridak.“Yeah, Lewa Mata has them isolated like nothing else.” Avak commented.“They’re in the Living Room, it isn’t that hard to visit them.” Kopaka Nuva said.“Oh really? You go down there then, Toa.” said Avak.“Shut it, all of you.” the Toa of Water said. “We go with Takadox’s idea, and that’s that. I’m tired of listening to all of you babble. Meeting adjourned.”Pridak and the others stared as she stood up and then leapt over to the door in one shot, before leaving the room. Vezok muttered to himself before standing up and following her.“What was up with that?” asked Thok.“I have no idea.” Ehlek said. “But I’m hoping that means we’re in a good spot.”To Be Continued next Friday - November 16th.WIKI PAGE FOR PART 2!

Edited by iBrow Voltex, Nov 09 2012 - 04:59 PM.

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CHAPTER 8

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At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.


#11 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Nov 09 2012 - 03:24 PM

Who's the Toa of Water? Gali Mata?Good chappy, although not as eventful as the first. "I have no idea. But I'm hoping that means we're in a good spot." With their type of group, "I have no idea" is NEVER a good spot :). ~MN~
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#12 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Nov 09 2012 - 04:12 PM

Who's the Toa of Water? Gali Mata?Good chappy, although not as eventful as the first."I have no idea. But I'm hoping that means we're in a good spot." With their type of group, "I have no idea" is NEVER a good spot :).~MN~

This Toa of Water is a VERY BIG DEAL, so I'm not going to share whether you're right or wrong. She will crop up a few more times in Dark Unto Days, before she plays a major role in The Afterwords.-ibrow

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CHAPTER 8

book_1_logo_super_small.jpg

 

At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.


#13 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Nov 10 2012 - 11:50 AM

List of toa of water in different lines than Kopaka Nuva: Gali mata, Nokoma Metru, Hahli Inika, and Hahli Marhi.Something tells me their name has an a(YA, right?).I wish you posted chapters quicker.[please](but that's not possible.)-Rahkshi Guurahkedit: I took your -*insertnamehere* thing, do you mind?(I like it.)

Edited by rahkshi guurahk, Nov 10 2012 - 07:34 PM.

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-Rahkshi Guurahk

GENERATION 3: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

If I actually tried putting all the stuff I like on here, the sig would burst.

 

 


#14 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Nov 10 2012 - 01:06 PM

List of toa of water in different lines than Kopaka Nuva: Gali mata, Nokoma Metru, Hahli Inika, and Hahli Marhi.Something tells me their name has an i.I wish you posted chapters quicker.[please](but that's not possible.)-Rahkshi Guurahkedit: I took your -*insertnamehere* thing, do you mind?(I like it.)

I've got a release schedule I need to stick with. However, if there's enough activity when it releases, I might be able to do two chapters a week for The Afterwords.-ibrow

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CHAPTER 8

book_1_logo_super_small.jpg

 

At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.


#15 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Nov 10 2012 - 07:31 PM

Yesyesyesyesyesyes. BTW, my question. And message. :evilgrin: I edited my post.

Edited by rahkshi guurahk, Nov 10 2012 - 07:34 PM.

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-Rahkshi Guurahk

GENERATION 3: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

If I actually tried putting all the stuff I like on here, the sig would burst.

 

 


#16 Online MT Zehvor

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Posted Nov 14 2012 - 01:11 PM

Good side story type work. First couple of chappies(parts?) have been pretty good.Everyone knows that what we really want is the Afterwords, though. :P-MT
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#17 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Nov 16 2012 - 03:07 PM

Dark Unto DaysPart 3“Takadox, what was up with that meeting?” asked Pridak as he, Takadox and Ehlek huddled by the chimney, having climbed up the outside wall of the house – it was a long story.“I’m not sure.” Takadox said.“Yeah right, you’re not sure.” Ehlek said. “You didn’t even react when she burst out like that. It’s like you know her or something.”“Well, I think I should know her. I’ve been around for five years.”“You know what we’re saying.” Pridak said. “I haven’t seen her since... well, since before the war. What’s up with that? How do you know her so well?”“Maybe I knew her before the war.”“How would you know her before the war?” Ehlek asked.“Well, for those three years that you two were busy being on the run from Tahu Mata, maybe I was busy getting to know people.”“You’re hopeless.” Pridak groaned. “Give us some answers!”“I am giving you answers!”“What about Vezok, then?” Ehlek asked, pressing the point. “He didn’t react either.”“The point of telling me this would be...”“You know Vezok, and you both know her. And she knows both of you.” Ehlek said.“Again, I will raise the point that both of you were on the run for three years.”“Forget it, Ehlek.” Pridak said, sighing. “We’re not getting answers from him. He’s hiding some sort of secret, but he’s not gonna share it. And here I thought we were going to be the best of friends nowadays.”“Hey, don’t guilt trip me. You should know that doesn’t work on someone as awesome as me. And... this is something I just refuse to tell you!”*-*-*-*“So Vezok, mind telling me what was up back there?” Thok asked.“I don’t want to talk about it.”“You ran out of the room after a Toa! I’ve never seen you do that!”“Your point being....”“Stop being so secretive Vezok, we’re your friends.” Avak ordered. “We have a right to know.”“You don’t have a right to know anything – I haven’t told you yet, what makes you think I will now?”“For the love of Mata-Nui, Vezok...” Avak trailed off.“No, I’m sorry. You guys aren’t ready yet. But you will be, and when the time comes that you are ready....”“You’ll tell us?” Hakann asked, speaking up.“I dunno... I might just hold it over your heads and laugh at you.”“Permission to murder Vezok now.” Reidak said to Zaktan.“Permission denied. I would blow you to pieces.”“...permission denied, Reidak.”“Darn... had to try.” Reidak said, sighing.“Why don’t you tell us now, and then that’ll make us enthusiastic enough to become ready?” Hakann asked.“That sounds like a good idea.” Avak said, nodding.“Alright then... but first, a small test. Who wants to fight me first?”“Zaktan!” Hakann said.“Zaktan isn’t allowed – I wouldn’t be able to kill him.”“Well aren’t you just a piece of work.” Thok said, clubbing Vezok lightly on the head. “Screw Hakann’s ideas – if this blue spiny freak is gonna kill us, let him do it on his own time.”“That’s the most sensible thing any of you has ever said.”“Where are we going, again?” Hakann asked.“We’re going to visit the Toa Nuva.” said Zaktan.The other Piraka all groaned and launched into a massive argument – the window of opportunity that Vezok had been looking for, as he was gone without a trace within seconds. Zaktan noticed he was gone immediately, but decided to worry about it later. If Vezok had wanted them along, he would have said so.*-*-*-*Gali Mata kneeled before the lump of dirt, one of a row that was far too long at the very edge of the Backyard.“Why did you do it, Tarix?” she asked softly. “What was the point? We knew he might be too powerful... what good did your sacrifice do?”“Here again, eh?” another female voice asked.“Yeah... here again.” Gali Mata said, not looking up.“It’s not your fault he’s dead, you know.” the voice said.“I know that – I just can’t figure out why he did it.” Gali Mata said. “It just doesn’t make sense – he knew our chances at beating Nex were slim... why sacrifice himself like that? All he did was help Nex.”“Nobody knows why Tarix did what he did except for Tarix.” the voice said, sounding sad.“That doesn’t help at all.”“I realize that.” the voice said. “But this bit of trivia might – the Vezons are in the midst of planning their latest experiment.”“What is that, exactly?”“They plan to try and start reviving sets from the dead. Starting with a certain Toa of Fire we all knew and loved... or at least, some of us loved.”“Tell me when it succeeds.” Gali Mata ordered.“I thought you might say that.” the voice said, sounding amused. “I’ll see you later, then.”“Yeah... see you later, then.”Gali Mata remained where she was for a moment longer before leaving the lump and walking down the row until she found the lump dedicated to Tahu Mata. The memory flashed through her mind of his very last second – the impact, the shattering – and then was gone. Pieces were all that were left of the legendary leader.And now his second in command... she was beginning to have her doubts... she’d have to try and get Onua into hiding soon. She couldn’t lose everyone. It had been hard enough when Pohatu and Kopaka died, even worse when Tahu fell, and if Lewa really had gone to the dark side... Onua was all she had left.She was interrupted in her musings once again, this time by two others.“What’s up, Gali?” Vezok asked.“Oh, you know... just looking.” she said.“You’re always just looking.” Takadox pointed out. “You spend an awful lot of time next to Tarix.”“I just went over this with-”“Yeah, I know.” Takadox said, moving into view and shrugging. “It doesn’t matter to me. I should be down here more often myself, but Pridak and Ehlek... they’re... fragile. Pridak especially.”“Have you found Kazi yet?” Gali asked.“Nobody has.” Vezok said. “Which is bad – aside from Mantax and Irnakk, Kazi was honestly Pridak’s best friend... his only true friend. No offense, Takadox.”“None taken – you’re right. I never should’ve betrayed them, but there you have it. It doesn’t help that I, you know, got possessed a couple times over by ALMIGHTY. It also doesn’t help that Ehlek and Kalmah both kept their distance from the rest of us until the very end.” Takadox said, sighing. “By the time we’d really gotten to know them again, and had started to be friends... well, Nex killed Kalmah and Mantax.”“Pridak is all on his own... that’s bad.” Gali said. “At least Kazi has those other Matoran... I have you guys... the Toa Nuva have each other... but Pridak is truly alone.”To Be Concluded.Part 3 wiki page!! Wait a minute, you guys didn't think I'd actually reveal the Toa of Water from Part 2, did you? Needless to say, it was her having the conversation with Gali Mata.

Edited by iBrow Voltex, Nov 16 2012 - 03:41 PM.

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CHAPTER 8

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At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.


#18 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Nov 17 2012 - 05:49 PM

No, we didn't.(well, I didn't.)
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-Rahkshi Guurahk

GENERATION 3: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

If I actually tried putting all the stuff I like on here, the sig would burst.

 

 


#19 Offline Toa of Winds

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Posted Nov 17 2012 - 11:19 PM

Takadox isn't helping Pridak? What happened to BBFF (Best Barraki Friends Forever)?Even if it never existed...?And exactly why is it so important to hide the Toa of Water from us all? Even if she will be playing a major role?Owell. Hopefully they find Kazi, and bring back Tahu Nuva.~MN~
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#20 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Nov 18 2012 - 10:27 AM

No, we didn't.(well, I didn't.)

Darn. You're no fun anymore.

Takadox isn't helping Pridak? What happened to BBFF (Best Barraki Friends Forever)?Even if it never existed...?And exactly why is it so important to hide the Toa of Water from us all? Even if she will be playing a major role?Owell. Hopefully they find Kazi, and bring back Tahu Nuva.~MN~

Please Meta, you wouldn't be half as interested in her right now if I wasn't keeping her identity a secret. Also, Takadox tries, but you can't really replace something that was created throughout three or four years with something that's five or so weeks old. He tries, but he just isn't there yet.-ibrow

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CHAPTER 8

book_1_logo_super_small.jpg

 

At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.


#21 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Nov 23 2012 - 04:51 PM

Dark Unto DaysPart 4“Hey Pridak, what’s up?” asked Takadox.“Oh, you know... same old, same old.” the white Barraki said, sighing.“What are you writing?”“The story of Tahu vs. Tahu... it’s for the new Hero Factory sets, and any other sets that arrive. Seeing as Lewa Mata seems keen on not letting the truth about it escape.”“Have you thought about going out to search for Maxilos and Irnakk again recently?”“There’s no point, Takadox. They’re both dead and gone, rather like Mantax.”“You need to stop beating yourself up over it.”“Shut it, Takadox. You weren’t there while Mantax and I had to live in hiding for three years. You go do that sometime, and then we can compare notes.”“What about Kazi?”“What about him? He’s vanished - I haven’t seen him in forever.”“I know... why don’t we go look for him?”“Why bother?”“You’re just determined to be pessimistic about life these days, aren’t you?”“Yes, obviously. Now, if you don’t mind, please go away – this story needs finishing.”“Very well then.”*-*-*-*Vezok leapt nearly a foot into the air when Zaktan tapped him on the shoulder, something the green Skakdi found to be rather funny. Vezok waited silently, scowling at his leader while Zaktan attempted to stop laughing.“If you’re quite done...” Vezok trailed off.“Yeah, sure, whatever Vezok.” Zaktan said, chuckling. “So, what have you been up to recently?”“Oh, you know, the same usual stuff... hanging out with you guys, hanging out with the Barraki-”“-hanging out with a bunch of other blue sets?”“Whatever it is Zaktan, I refuse to speak about it. I am not interested in the topic of discussion.” Vezok said.“Oh come on Vezok, you can trust me!” Zaktan said.“No I can’t.”“Alright, you win. You can’t trust me. I’d blurt whatever it is to the other Piraka.”“See? I knew it!”“It was a joke, but whatever.” Zaktan said, shrugging.“Wait, where are the others?” Vezok asked.“Well, to be honest, I have no idea where Avak went. But the other three are currently off spying on a certain friend of ours.”“Does this friend happen to be a Toa?”“...maybe.”“I thought so.”*-*-*-*“So what’s been going on with you recently, Ehlek?” Avak asked as the two of them walked towards the usual meeting place.“Oh you know, same old, same old.” Ehlek said. “It’s boring, but it’s also the truth, since nothing really happens around here anymore.”“Except underground rebellions that are completely secret and not even based on fact.” Avak pointed out.“Yeah, except for that.”The two walked in silence for several minutes until reaching a large tree that stood in the far corner of the Backyard, within a patch that didn’t have several dirt lumps, despite being at the edge of the yard. Once they reached the tree, Ehlek knocked six times and a portion of the trunk popped out to reveal Strakk.“Finally, you’re here.” Strakk said. “Where have you two been?”“I had to get away from Takadox and Pridak.” Ehlek said. “They’re rather clingy these days.”“And I am a Piraka.” Avak said. “I don’t think I need to say anything else.”“No, you don’t.” Strakk agreed. “Well, come on in then.”Strakk stepped aside and the Barraki and Piraka stepped inside. Once they were, Strakk pulled the bit of trunk back in so that the tree looked normal once more from the outside. Strakk then beckoned and both Ehlek and Avak followed him as he made his way down several sets of stairs that, at the bottom, opened up into a rather large chamber.“Remind me how we got this.” Avak said.“The Vezons did it.” Strakk said. “I have no idea how, but then, how did they make those creations and bring them to life?”Avak shrugged in response as Strakk lead them to a table, and the three of them sat down.“You’re finally here. We can now begin.” Makuta said. “Welcome, all of you, to... what will we call this place?”“How about ‘The Tahu Resistance’?” Metus asked.“That sounds cool.” Sahmad said, nodding in agreement.“What is this all even about?” Ehlek asked.“We have gathered you all here today because we’ve noticed how strangely that you’ve been behaving.” Makuta said. “Lewa Mata is slowly going more and more against what both Tahu Mata and Tahu Stars stood for – we’ve chosen you out of all the sets because you were all either close to one of the Tahus, or because we believed you to be in danger.”At the last statement, Makuta glanced meaningfully at Onua Mata, who shrugged in an “I can’t help it” sort of way. Ehlek nodded, satisfied with the answer.“In that case, I agree with Metus.” the green Barraki said.“Very well then – we are now ‘The Tahu Resistance’!” Makuta announced. “This will be Headquarters. I think that’s enough for today – we shouldn’t stay out here too long, lest Lewa Mata become suspicious. However, I suggest another meeting in three day’s time back here to begin discussing our plans of action.”“Wait a minute!” Onua Mata interrupted. “You brought me here because I’m in immediate danger, but then you’re just gonna toss me back into the house?”“That sounds about it, yes.” Makuta said.“That doesn’t make any sense!”“It makes perfect sense, you dolt.” Makuta said. “Now everybody scram!”*-*-*-*“So Hakann, what can you see?” Thok asked.“It’s difficult to say... this vent is not helping matters.” Hakann whispered. “He’s chatting with Gali Mata right now.”“Why would Pohatu Nuva talk with Gali Mata?” Thok asked.“How should I know?” Hakann asked. “Reidak, you got any ideas?”“Pohatu Nuva is evil and trying to convince Gali Mata to join him and Lewa Mata.”“Great idea, Reidak.” Thok said, rolling his eyes. “You’re just brilliant.”“Hold on, he’s left!” Hakann whispered. “He’s... uh oh.”“Don’t insult me!” Reidak snapped.“Shut it!” Hakann whispered.“I will insult you if I want!” Thok snapped back.“Guys, he’s coming this way!” Hakann whispered furiously, shoving both of the other Piraka further into the vent. “Run! Run like the gingerbread man!”“He’s coming?!” Thok asked. “Aw, snap!”“Who’s in there spying on me?!” Pohatu Nuva hollered into the vent. “Who is it?!”“Run!”“Running!”“We’re gonna die!”“Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod!”“Don’t trip me!”“Sorry!”“We’re gonna die!”“Keep running!”“OOF!”“Piraka...” Pohatu Nuva muttered darkly. “I am going to get every single one of you gutted someday.”The End...COMING SOON: THE AFTERWORDS!!
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CHAPTER 8

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At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.


#22 Offline Rarity

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Posted Dec 09 2012 - 12:52 AM

*Rolls through just as time expires*Shadrahk here with your official CCC re-oh it's just the boss-man. 

Quote tags are being weird, so I'm gonna try not to use many.

I'll start by saying since I haven't read much of Tahu vs Tahu, I'm not understanding the references to it.The writing style wasn't my favorite (As I've said in all my reviews), but it seems script writing is a dead practice.But I loved how you described stuff.

The words drifted out of the shadows from a hulking figure that would give most sets nightmares if they lived past the experience.

I loved how you worded that. Most comedies that use this style of writing would have just called it a "a hulking figure" without actually describing it.Your grammar and spelling are also great, I didn't notice any errors! :DNow to the good stuff.Your comedy wasn't very comedic. It just didn't feel like a comedy, but oddly enough, I didn't mind.

Some of the jokes felt more like relief humor than actual jokes.

 

“Well, not everything...” Ehlek trailed off. “We don’t know everything ourselves.”

An example of relief humor there ^. Although I did smile at that part.

 

 

“Alright everyone, I’d like to welcome you to the first formal meeting of the ‘Lewa Mata is Evil’ club.” Pridak announced.

And for some reason that feels like a joke that's being forced. It isn't reall that funny, and just seems to be put out there for no reason.

The story felt way more like an epic. And I found it really interesting.But it's supposed to be a comedy, and it wasn't that funny. Only part that made me chuckle was the fat joke at the end. I'm not quite sure how you would fix that, because if you added more jokes it may end up killing the pacing.And I loved the pacing.It didn't seem rushed, everything seemed to happen naturally, except one thing.And the one thing hurt the comedy.

“Run!”“Running!”“We’re gonna die!”“Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod!”“Don’t trip me!”“Sorry!”“We’re gonna die!”“Keep running!”“OOF!”“Piraka...” Pohatu Nuva muttered darkly. “I am going to get every single one of you gutted someday.”

Well... That was a random ending. I know that it was leading into another story, but still... It just felt like an odd way to end a story.The last line of dialog was pretty cool though. 

Next up is the plot.While I usually dislike comedies that aren't that funny, I loved this, which is why I'm having a hard time critiquing this. d:Now what interested me is all these questions.The plot of the story is a little unclear to me, but I feel like I'd understand everything that's going on better, had I read Tahu vs Tahu.I do like the little mysteries in the story though. Like who was the water Toa, and why doesn't Lewa want the story published?(I'd know the answer(s) to if I read the previous comedy, wouldn't I?)

Although the questions make me want to go and read said comedy, so that's a good way to get people to read it!

And I love the overlaying feel of suspicion. Like when Pridak and Takadox are wondering if another Toa has been corrupted.

And noone really seems to trust anyone in the story. It just makes the comedy even more interesting, which is something a comedy hasn't done for me in a long time.

As for how you wrote the characters, I loved it!They way they interacted with each other felt natural, expecially the Piraka.

“Permission to murder Vezok now.” Reidak said to Zaktan.“Permission denied. I would blow you to pieces.”“...permission denied, Reidak.”

That sounds like something I'd expect to read in a Bionicle book, not a fanfic.

While most comedies do give their characters certain traits, which can make the characters annoying or just plain stupid, you for the most part, kept the characters as themselves, and it actually works!

 

 

“Are they always this bad?” Kopaka Nuva asked Pridak as the group descended into a chorus of arguments.“No, today is a good day.” Pridak told him.

 

I feel like Kopaka could of asked that more coldy(pun intended), but it still works!

As for the reply he got, I don't remember the Barraki that much. :P

 

I feel like I forgot to mention something about your comedy... Hmm. Overall it has a great story, but isn't very comedic. It could be in the epics and it'd still fit. But the characters work well, and you made me like this writing style a bit more than I did.

I'm gonna give it a 7/10!


Edited by Rarity, Dec 09 2012 - 12:53 AM.

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#23 Offline Agnes Oblige

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Posted Dec 09 2012 - 04:11 PM

[color=#008080;]Thank you for the review. You would indeed understand some stuff more if you've read Tahu vs. Tahu, but the mystery regarding that Toa of Water is actually not one of them - that's something introduced here that leads to her reveal as a major character in The AfterWords.[/color]

 

[color=#008080;]I did know this wasn't the most comedic of comedies as I was writing it, but I needed to slowly adjust from TvT (which was very, very serious a lot of the time) to the more heavily dialogue oriented (and funnier) style of The AfterWords. Hence the plot and stuff. =P[/color]

 

[color=#008080;]As for you loving the characters, I'm glad you did. To be honest I consider characters to be extremely important and put as much into them as I can - and with so many of them in this series, that has always been one of the biggest draws.[/color]

 

[color=#008080;]-ibrow[/color]


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CHAPTER 8

book_1_logo_super_small.jpg

 

At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.





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