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Salt of the Earth

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#1 Offline Kragghle

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Posted Nov 04 2012 - 09:59 PM

A man sat in the balcony of the Senate Chamber, discussing politics. There were other voters and political activists. For some reason, he was the only person with his set of beliefs in the room. It was very discomforting. Some people began talking to him, and he didn't say much for his beliefs. He let them walk over him, let them listen to themselves talk. He would never convince them of the proper way to govern a country."Yes...Yes...Yes...I understand. I respect your views. I understand where you're coming from, but for my various reasons that are a bit too expansive to express all at this moment, I can't really see eye to eye on you with this issue."So he went, never quite taking a stand for himself.Suddenly a great rectangle, nearly thirty feet high and ten feet wide, opened in the middle of the floor. A great wind came forth. The rectangle was no physical object, but an image like a window. Many people panicked, not understanding, nor having the slightest idea of what was going on. There was heat, lots of it. The image, for those who dared look, was that of a pipe organ and alien architectures. Strange creatures came forth, but they parted as a tall man in a cape walked through them.He had the exact same face as the man who meekly debated with protesting voters in the Senate Chamber. There were a few physical differences between them, sure, considering that the one who came through the portal was much older and had a silver beard, but regardless, they seemed to be the different incarnations of the same man. The latter man stood straight, unaffected by the heat, not flinching in the face of strange monsters armed with blades and arrows."I am King Tijdschrift," said the strange, bearded man. His deep, melodious voice boomed and echoed throughout the chamber. "I rule the universe. Everyone bow before me."Some strange magic possessed the people to bow against their will, all except for the man who stood straight. He did not bow."Tom, I sent you to this Earth, born of human parents, to lead," said the King. "I conquered the rest of the universe with my silver tongue alone. You are my son, with all my gifts given to you, and yet you are unable to rise to greatness in this small pebble."Tom looked away."Look at me!"Tom refused."You may look like them, Tom, but you are not one of them. Do not make yourself humble. Rise. Be their leader. They are a great people, far superior to so many races across the universe, so long as they have a spark to make them catch fire. They can grow bright. These are people of the great Earth, and you are the salt of the Earth. Yet, you dilute yourself in the waters of the ocean. Tom, rise!""I am not God," said Tom. "I am only a man. I chose to live my life for other forms of greatness."And Tom was punished that day. Publicly, in plain site. The world saw this strange alien man beat his son, inflict him with seventy-seven lashes while security forces were helpless to stop the violence. Unknown powers were at play. However, the man named Tom survived, and King Tijdschrift left through his portal.Years later, Tom carried out his father's will, but only after attending to things more important, more human. Whatever it was that he felt he had to accomplish, nobody knows. Beyond his leadership of the human race, little was public knowledge. We historians still ponder what was important to him to this day.

Edited by Jean Valjean, Nov 12 2012 - 02:38 PM.

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#2 Offline Nuile the Paracosmic Tulpa

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Posted Feb 09 2013 - 04:17 PM

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]I was a little confused as to the precipitate entrance of these undefined creatures and this unknown being from a place unidentified. I'm all right with the mystery that surrounds them and their presence and their travel, though. That has benefit to the story.As for the ending, where the story was supposed to tie together, it didn't. It was vague and inconclusive. Tom carried out his father's will--why? Because his father was a fiend and he was afraid to be punished again? Is Tom really so puerile? And then you go on to adumbrate "things more important," things he "felt he had to accomplish." What, after all, was so important to him? What did he do?I enjoyed Tom's dialogue with his father. That was dramatic and it gave meaning to the story. There was something worth telling. It might have been the focus of the story, if only it had not been drowned in so much superfluity; it might have been a valuable supplement, if the superfluity had had any point. As it was, it was somewhere in the middle of being focal and auxiliary."I was talking about politics. Aliens attacked. I had a dramatic speech with my father. Daddy spanked me and told me to rule the world so I did. I also did some other stuff but never mind that. The end."Up until the end it was a great story. But then it was left hanging, leaving me confused and wondering wherein the point lay.Grammatically you did as well as usual. Just a few simple errors:[/color]

 

The image, for those who dared look, was that of a pipe organ and alien architextures.

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]We all have those words we look back upon and say, "How in the world did I mispell that?"Yes, that misspelling was a pun.Architectures.[/color]

 

I conquered the rest of the universe with my silver toungue alone.

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]Tongue.[/color]

 

Yet, you dilute yourself in the waters of the ocean.

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]*delude ;)That was also a joke.[/color]

 

And Tom was punished that day. Publicly, in plain site.

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]Sight.[/color]

 

 

 

 

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith :smilemirunu:[/color]


Edited by Nuile Writerson, Feb 10 2013 - 04:38 PM.

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