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Vezon's Variety Hour

Vezon TV Vezon

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#1 Offline ShadowBionics

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  • 25-December 04
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Posted Nov 21 2012 - 03:47 AM

All right, before we start, I'd like to point out this link to a comedy called Vezon Tv which was in the same kind of family as Ask Roodaka and A Day in the life of Teridax? in the aspect they all used the same characters. The Vezon in this comedy is the same who appears in Ask Roodaka and guest appears on ADITLOT, and likewise the Makuta in Vezon Tv are the same who are in ADITLOT, etc etc.Unlike those two, however, Vezon Tv didn't get too much love back in the day. I remember a good friend of mine who was a big fan of this comedy, who even suggested a lot of ideas for episodes. One of the biggest was when Vezon ends up in an alternate dimension where he was a judge who heard a trial of Teridax versus Icarax (before it was taken to Judge Tuma), and from there things got insane. He liked the comedy and he wished for me to continue it. Unfortunately, he's no longer on this site... :( Anyways...Vezon Tv shared a few things from Ask Roodaka, aside from the use of the same characters occasionally dropping in. It had the same sort of wacked-out humor and sometimes Vezon would answer fan mail. It also had some differences, like sometimes Vezon would interview random celebrities or Bionicle characters. There was one member who wanted Vezon to interview him, but he never answered me back. That was an awkward interview to write, I tell you. This comedy would also have spoof songs from Vezon (but written by me) in these mock music video sort of deals. It also had other segments that would refer to popular culture at the time (so some of these chapters are really dated) or the Bionicle story at the time, such as my spoofing of the bachelor show, in where Vezon would give a rose to a moment he found interesting. It was also the first appearance of the insane salesman named Crazy Siddy (an insane version of Sidorak) who sells games at "low low prices." He sounds like a used-car salesman and he was a fan-favorite character among some of my friends.Anyways, why don't we get on with the actual thing now? You're probably bored of me, if you haven't already left the topic after thinking "this guy's boring and he talks too much."Episode 1: Purple Hippo*Inset rock music and “Vezon Tv” title card HERE*Vezon: Hey, everyone… What am I doing here, again?Lord of shadows: Because I said so. And for the fans of this comedy. All 2 of them.Vezon: Fine. I’ll go along with it… for now. Anyways, welcome, webbites to this show… thing. I’m not even sure if we can still call it “Vezon Tv,” considering the original was ended such a long time ago. So instead, we’re going to mix things up a bit! I even got a new satellite transmission thingymajigger!*He holds up something so small and microscopic, you can’t even see it if you tried.*Vezon: Yup, it’s even smaller than the last one I had! Remember that one?LOS: No. No one aside from you and me remember any of the original show.Vezon: Oh. Well, that’s great. And why is it me you decided to bring in? Why not Roodaka or any of those other fools?LOS: I felt like it.Vezon: Well, I am pretty great, aren’t I? I’m probably the greatest character based on a Bionicle character you ever made.*Somewhere in an alternate universe…**Icarax, lost in his dimensional travels, falls through the ceiling and becomes unconscious for a while. He’s woken up by someone shouting in his non-existent ears.*Aerith: Hello-oooooooooooo?Icarax: Gah?!Aerith: Hooray!Icarax: I’m awake! Huh?*Icarax takes a while to look around, only to be more confused than he already is… which is even more confused than he’s always been.*Icarax: Am I dead?Aerith: Not quite.Icarax: Are you an angel?Aerith: No. I’m Aerith. *giggles* You fell through the ceiling. That’s hot.Icarax: Um… So you’re my rescuer, then?Aerith: Nope.*She turns around and imitates how she was when she found Icarax.*Aerith: Hello-ooooooooooo? *Turns back around* That’s all I did.*both laughing*Icarax: Why am I laughing like a moron?*Inside Icarax’s head, in his memories*(Teridax: you nickel-plated twit! You distasteful duncebucket! )Icarax: Oh, yeah… maybe that’s why I was a fan-favorite character based off an actual Bionicle character.*Then somehow, Icarax does a back flip and gets on his feet.*Icarax: I’m very good a back flips. Or at least, I’ve gotten good a back flips ever since I got lost on this weird voyage.Aerith: Really? What happened?Icarax: Well…*flashback, ADITLOT Chapter 116*Mutran: No, I was afraid of this!Mutraine: Stop saying that when you obviously aren’t!Gorast: What are you doing here?Chirox: Trying to stop the zombies Mutran created.Gorast: So you started this?! *She jump onto Mutran as he gets up, beating him senseless.* You’ve really messed up big time, Mutran! If these zombies don’t kill you, I will!Mutraine: Get in line, I called killing him first.Icarax: And what exactly are you trying to do to stop these zombies?Mutran: I made this gun-thing, and I was hoping it would return the zombies back to their graves. But now that Teridax broke it, I don’t think it might work.Teridax: Oh, sure, blame your mistakes on me.Chirox: It doesn’t look that bad. Try it out! *He takes the thing from Mutran and he aims it.*Mutran: Wait, it hasn’t been tested yet!Chirox: Then there’s no better time than right now! *He accidentally fires it at Icarax, sending him to his death.*Mutraine: What’d you do that for?Chirox: I don’t know.Gorast: So did you kill him or what?Mutran: I’m not so sure. Since I haven’t tested it yet, the results are yet to be determined.Teridax: Then may Mata Nui save Icarax, wherever he may be.*At some random house, in the Real World…**Within this particular house, there was a meeting among a few girls, but they weren’t just any girls, oh no. They were Twilight fans… Well most of them anyway. Caution: The following scene might become graphic. Pregnant children and small women are advised to leave the room.*Girl 1: I don’t think the series is good because I don’t like love stories or the supernatural.Girl 2: How dare you, it’s the best series that was ever made, better than Harry Potter!Girl 3: How can you not like it?! Something’s wrong with you!*Just then Icarax, just pops in from out of nowhere.*Icarax: Uh, what just happened?Girl 3: Wait, who is that?!Girl 2: He must be a vampire!Girl 4: Just like in Twilight!Girl 5: Are you sure?Girl 1: He’s just a Makuta. You know, from Bionicle.Girl 2: Shut up, you’re not welcome here!Girl 3: We don’t have to listen to you!Icarax: Oh, boy. I’m dead.*End flashback…*Aerith: Wow. That’s pretty strange. That’s hot.Icarax: And you have graphics that rival Doom 3.Aerith: I think you can think of better pick-up lines than that.Icarax: Hmm… something about this seems eerily familiar…*just then, the film stops and Vezon burns the film roll.*Vezon: Oh, come on! I thought this was about me!LOS: Apparently people want to know what happened to Icarax.Vezon: Well, I’m not one of them. This is about me. Now then, how about we try and do something a little familiar. Unfortunately, I don’t really have Umbra around anymore. :( But we can do one of my favorite things.LOS: We’re not going to stare at the sun until we go blind.Vezon: What?? Aw… Fine, then let’s just have a stupid interview with a stupid guest.Krekka: Duh…Vezon: I didn’t mean that literally! Oh, fine. (unenthusiastic) Hey, everyone, it’s Krekka.Krekka: My name’s Krekka.Vezon: Yes, I just said that. Now then--Krekka, puts on captain hat: Duh, I’m da captain.Vezon: Uh… okay. Now then, so what’s it like living a life where you’re so easily confused about everything?Krekka: I’m da captain. I boss you now.*Krekka starts rowing with an oar (where did he get it?), and he hits Vezon on the back of the head while pretending to row.*Vezon: You know, I think I can see why Nidhiki hated working with you.Krekka: But I like Nisfreaki.Vezon: That’s not even his name, you know?Krekka: But… all these years, I’ve called him Nisfreaki…Vezon: Well, that just proves one thing: You’re a total moron.Krekka: Exactly.Vezon: So then I’ve been hearing these insane rumors… like this one that says you’ve considered reading a book. I mean, what’s up with that?!Krekka: The book thing is too hard right now.Vezon: Which one are you reading?Krekka: There’s a stripey guy with glasses on the cover. And he’s in all these pictures…Vezon: Wait, so this is a “Where’s Waldo?” book we’re talking about?!Krekka: It has pretty pictures. But I can’t understand it.Vezon: -_- I’m just at a loss of words here. Okay, am I crazy? I know I’m insane, but this guy here is just making things harder on me!Krekka, hugs Vezon: Daddy!Vezon, gasping: Let me go! A hug from you is the equivalent to dying!*Krekka releases him and sits back down.*Krekka: You quoted The Shadowed One.Vezon: Yeah, because I thought he was exaggerating when he said that, but now I know it’s true! Okay, Krekka, do me a favor. Stare at that window.*Krekka nods, wearing a bucket on his head.*Krekka: Got it.Vezon: Good.*Vezon starts to walk away and he goes off screen, and the sound of footsteps going up some stairs can be heard, followed by a door slamming.**Meanwhile, we check back in with Vezon.*Vezon: A lot of things have changed in the three years I’ve been gone. Like I got this sweet golden mask stuck on my head! And now apparently heroes are made in a factory. I don’t get that, if you ask me. Toa didn’t come from a factory. Well, the shiny guy that no one ever sees has a factory, but he doesn’t count!*Vezon continues going upstairs, only to be met with some very crazy-looking goons and a hunchback in all-black armor.*Von Nebula: Hi, there. Wanna hear a joke.Vezon: O.OVon Nebula: What is a Hero’s favorite drink?[awkward silence]Von Nebula: See, this is the part where you ask “What?” so I can ask--Vezon, angrily: What?Von Nebula: Oh… you kind of threw off my rhythm there. Let’s start again, from the top. What is a Hero’s favorite drink?[awkward pause]Vezon: What?Von Nebula: Power-ade. Get it? They have to recharge their cores, so…Vezon: Can I go now?Von Nebula: You know… I’m tired of people when they don’t laugh at my jokes. So when I’m unable to fulfill my dream, I attack and destroy lives so no one can fulfill their dreams!*Von Nebula moves over, immobilizes Vezon, and makes him fall to the floor.*Vezon: Um… we’ll be right back.Announcer: You’re watching… whatever this show is called now. Am I getting paid for this?Crazy Siddy: Crazy Siddy here with Crazy Siddy’s Import Game Emporium! I just got out of the asylum and I’ve been itching and raring to go for selling off my latest and greatest deals!Announcer 2, unenthusiastic: Come on down to our new location. There’s deals galore, as far as the eye can see.Crazy Siddy: Our friendly and helpful staff will answer your gaming questions!Vezon, wearing mustache: Can someone please help me?Crazy Siddy: Check out all our newest releases for the latest game console release, the Pintendo Xii Q! You’ll see great games like Pintendo Park! Spider-Man Photography Sim! Harvest Sun: A Tale of Two Cities! Italian Plumbers Q! Carly Rae Jepsen Karaoke! And much more!Vezon: Seriously, I’m being held here against my will.Crazy Siddy: But that’s not all. First customer who gets here gets these free dollies!*He holds up a Transformers Prime voyager Optimus, wearing a pick apron, and a deluxe Arcee, also wearing an apron.*Crazy Siddy: This set is fun for children of all ages! So come on down! We don’t care how you get here, folks, just get here!Announcer 3: Crazy, Crazy, Crazy Siddy! Crazycrazycrazycrazy, Crazy Siddy!Crazy Siddy: Still Crazy! *Starts playing “house” with Optimus and Arcee.*
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[Bionicle: Unsolved Mysteries] [The Knights of Terankos]

No, I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!

#2 Offline ShadowBionics

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  • 25-December 04
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Posted Jan 21 2013 - 12:51 AM

All right, back again with another episode. This one took a while, so sorry about that. Anyways, without a further delay, here we go. Sorry if this one is random, but that's kind of the theme with these first few episodes. Vezon needs to find a way to deal with a bunch of chaos. 



Episode 2: Sleepy Sea Fish



*Inset rock music and “Vezon Tv” title card HERE*


Von Nebula: Greetings, everyone. I am Von Nebula. These are my minions. We are… tonight’s entertainment!


Vezon, in a straight jacket: Enough with the party games, just let me go. This isn’t your show.


Von Nebula: That’s where you’re wrong, you little freak. I’m taking over and now I am going to entertain the masses.


Thunder: And there is nothing you can do about it, little baby man!


Meltdown: Consider it a special bonus!


Von Nebula: Why are you obsessed with saying that?


Meltdown: I… don’t know.


Von Nebula: Well, whatever. Anyways, hello, everyone. Do you all want to hear a joke? So there’s this whole “brain attack” thing going on, right? Well, what do you get when you cross ones of those brains with one of those frost beasts? “Brain Freeze.” Because they’re frosty and… when the brain…


Vezon: And I thought my jokes were bad.


Von Nebula: No one likes a critic!


Vezon: Here’s a joke. What sounds awful and makes me want to yell?


Von Nebula: Rebecca Black?


Vezon: No, nutcase. Your act!


Corroder: *insane laughter*


Von Nebula: If you want to keep your head, you’ll stop laughing!


*Corroder stops laughing*


Vezon: What makes you so special, anyway?


Von Nebula: Shut up! I have a special lollypop!


Vezon: Where does that sound familiar?


Zant: Shut up! I have a big chair!


Vezon: That’s it! Wait, why are we having a crazy person meeting?


Crazy Siddy: Still crazy!!


Vezon: Get out of here! You’re not real!


Crazy Siddy: I’m as real as Macrostuff’s Y-box 450 game console and Sorny’s Gamestation!


Vezon: Okay, fine. But why are you even here?!


Von Nebula: I want to spread my act.


Vezon: I didn’t mean you!


Crazy Siddy: I’m here to sell games at low low prices!


Vezon: Why are all you freaks showing up here? If it’s because you’re all washed up has-beens, then you have another thing coming to you! This is my show, now yours!


Von Nebula: If it’s any consolation, I didn’t invite him.


Vezon: I don’t remember asking you anything! I just want you to get out of here and let me get out of this straight jacket! Darn it, I should have asked Roodaka to teach me how to get out of one of these things!


Von Nebula: If we can go on, I would like to continue my comedy act. Now, then, how about another joke?


Vezon: No! Anything but that!


*Vezon suddenly  gets up, breaks out of the jacket, and jumps through the wall. Like the kool-aid man.*


Von Nebula: Oh, come on, at least hear it!


*That’s when Von Nebula starts to run after Vezon.*


Von Nebula, shouting/running: So after Rocka overloaded Black Phantom, he got hero cuffed. When he was taken in, he was asked what he was doing. That’s when he replied “I was just hanging around!”


*Vezon takes the moment to jump off a high cliff.*


Von Nebula: Hanging around. Because he was left hanging.


*His minions catch up to him and look at him.*


Von Nebula: You’re not helping.




Vezon, hanging: Well, glad I got rid of him. Now to get rid of all those other freaks. How am I supposed to do that? While we go with that, how about we go to another segment?


Announcer: We’ll be back with more Vezon Tv. Wait, is this show still called that?


Teridax: Hello. My name is Makuta Teridax. You might remember me. You know, when I was just starting out as an evil villain, I had almost nothing to my name. Then one day, it all changed. All I had to do was kick out that fool Miserix and make everyone trust me. I want all of you to trust me, too. And soon, you, too, will be granted with great power. All you have to do is get out your wallets, credit cards, and whatever else you might have, and send them all to me! When you do, I will personally give you a seat of power in my new order.


Random announcer: This presentation is brought to you by this presentation.


Announcer: We are back to Vezon Tv. I am very confused right now.


Vezon: Oh, hey, viewers. I managed to scale up the cliff from where I jumped. I’m a bit nervous about going back over there. I mean, what can I really do at this point?


Hodge Podge: Need a hand there?


Vezon: AAAH! Zaktan look-alike!


Hodge Podge: No, you dolt. I am Hodge Podge, formerly associated with the Brotherhood of Morons.


Vezon: Have we met before?


Hodge Podge: I… don’t know. Blame the 2 year gap that we’ve been gone.


Vezon: Yeah… So how can you help me?


Hodge Podge: What better way to deal with insanity than MORE insanity?!


Vezon: I’m all for insanity and fun times, but wouldn’t that just make things worse?


Hodge Podge: Nonsense!


*Hodge Podge puts on his DJ gear and gets Vezon on his feet.*


Vezon: Where are you taking me?! I will not let myself be taken prisoner!


Hodge Podge: Relax. I’m just going to take you back to the studio, that’s all.


Vezon: Oh. If you’re one of the Maklooters, why are you being nice to me?


Hodge Podge: See, the word is “Makuta,” and I used to be one of them until that brainless oaf Icarax got me mutated and that science school reject Mutran got me even more mutated, as per the orders of that arrogant fool Teridax.


Vezon: Oh. Well, that makes sense.


Hodge Podge: Yup. The Brotherhood of Morons wrecked my life, so now I want to wreck theirs.


*That’s when they are interrupted by an accented female voice…*


Elitha: Get in line, Algorox.


Hodge Podge: That name no longer has any meaning to me! How do you even know who I am?


Elitha: I know more about you than you think. Like how you set up the events that led to the entire “The Shadowed One’s Ridiculous Mission” trilogy. And how The Shadowed One himself wound up in an alternate dimension because of your shenanigans where Teridax took over our universe and Icarax runs his enforcers.


Hodge Podge: What are you, some kind of anime fan?


Elitha: Yes, I am, but that is irrelevant to the matter at hand. My point is you’re just an insane fool made from a jumble of reject parts.


Hodge Podge: You got some kind of nerve!


Elitha: -_-


Hodge Podge: Gump gump gump gump gump gump gump!


Vezon: Is… this a bad time?


Elitha: No, Vezon, stay.


Vezon: Ooh… I like the way you say my name.


Elitha, giggles: Well, then we might get along very nicely.


Vezon: Who are you, anyway, oh beautiful maiden of great knowledge?


Elitha: I am the solution.

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[Bionicle: Unsolved Mysteries] [The Knights of Terankos]

No, I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!

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