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Certainty (S&T Contest #7 Entry)

Icarax Makuta Memoirs S&T Contest

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#1 Offline Baron Von Nebula

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Posted Nov 26 2012 - 05:20 PM

Certainty

 

 

Only today I have found this record. After returning to Destral from my latest conquest, I decided to give myself a taste of the triumph I will feel at the culmination of my life. I, Makuta Icarax, sat in the Teridax’s throne. I sit there now, a living affront against his leadership.

 

Looking around the chamber, I see the mechanical Rahkshi and Exo-Toa looking typically emotionless, in sharp contrast to the Visorak, who look extremely nervous. While they may be concerned about the mayhem which would erupt if a brave/stupid Makuta caught me here, they are more likely experiencing the effect which my presence has on all beings. Some may shrug me off and pretend to be unfazed, but I know that they fear me like everyone else.

 

As I collected my thoughts a few minutes ago, I absentmindedly placed my claws on the arms of the obsidian throne. I soon felt a cunningly concealed switch. After ordering all the guards out of the room, I pressed the switch, and heard a very small click. When I located the source of the sound, I found a small cavity had just opened on the side of the throne, barely visible in the dark stone. I noticed a hole which was obviously a lock. Undaunted by my lack of a key, I extended a tendril of shadow into the lock, triggering the mechanism. A slab on the side of the throne slid aside, revealing a hidden space. I reached inside and removed a number of tablets. Upon examination, I found that they were the records of Makuta Miserix. After briefly scanning the tablets, I decided that they held no practical information which I did not already know.

 

But then I was struck by an idea: I will be the next leader of the Brotherhood. There is no doubt in my mind as to that. While Teridax seems to have been too paranoid to leave his own records, he must have found these notes. I will not be such a fool. While I am sure that, were his Plan possible, and were it too succeed, he would fabricate some history for himself, I will not be such a coward. After all, why would I fear the truth?

 

  

 

The events I chronicle here took place only a little while ago. The Brotherhood-Dark Hunter War was waging with all its glory, and I had chosen my next target.  As I stood on the bow of my warship, I scanned the looming fortress. Though shrouded in the darkness of the night, this presented no problems to my forces and I, being mostly creatures of shadow anyways.

 

This particular fortress was millennia old, and it looked it. It would be difficult to infiltrate silently; those who would attempt to scale the walls would risk pulling down part of the treacherously unstable ruins. In addition, the stronghold took up most of the stable land on the tiny island; most of the surrounding “land” was either sea or ice. Seawater that washed up against the walls froze in the frigid air, creating a slick surface.

 

The fortress had been originally built by a group of Toa, long dead. Sometime after construction was complete, they realized that the entire region was infested with Frostelus. Toa can be so arrogant.

 

A few months ago, the Dark Hunters recognized the place’s strategic location and dispatched a battalion to occupy it. They had raised such fortifications as they could, but the crooks and thieves that too often make up Dark Hunter armies are unused to actually building something.

 

As soon as sufficient Rahkshi had arrived, I began making preparations for my assault. I sent a group which possessed stealth-related powers to infiltrate the fortress.

 

As I looked up at the ramparts, I finally saw what I was looking for. Silhouettes of guards crumpled as they were struck from behind by my covert Rahkshi. I pointed my sword at the fortress, and mentally issued a command to move forward. My reptilian soldiers and Rahi silently obeyed and moved forward as one, beginning to scale the fortress.

 

Meanwhile, I would assault the front. This would be suicide for any other being, but I am not any other being- I am Makuta Icarax. Spreading my bat-like wings, I glided up to the rampart and clung to the side.

 

“Ugh! I’m out here freezing, while the boss is nice and warm in there!” complained a guard. Peering over the wall, I identified him as a member of the ruling species of Stelt.

 

“ ‘Stay alert,’ he says! ‘Keep your weapon ready,’ he says! As if a Makuta would come to this wreck! Curse that piraka of an overseer! The Shadowed One ought to-”

 

He froze as he realized his words could be taken as criticism of his overlord. Seeing no one around but a member of Stelt’s servile species, he continued ranting.

 

“And furthermore- ACK!” he coughed as spray from an especially large wave caught him in the mouth.

 

“I’m DRENCHED! ‘Course the boss doesn’t care, being a fish!”

 

I’d had enough. I grabbed the collar of his armor and pulled him off the ledge and into the sea.

 

The brute lumbered over to investigate the sound of the splash, and saw me as I clambered over the rampart. He bellowed with rage and charged towards me.

 

I bent forward and, using his own momentum, catapulted him over my shoulder. He fell into the sea with a satisfying “plunk”.

 

I charged my blade with Fragmentation energy before slamming it into the rampart. As the wall collapsed in a cloud of dust, I sprang clear of the explosion, and called upon my control of Gravity to gently float to the ground.

 

After clearing a space in the rubble using my power of Molecular Disruption, I stepped into the fortress itself, and then re-sealed my makeshift entrance. No one would get out that way.

 

As I made my way down the main corridor, it quickly became apparent that the Dark Hunters had discovered my troops, as I cut down Hunters as they attempted to flee. Vermin.

 

I thought about those first two guards as I proceeded down the passageway.

 

The first had been more intelligent than the second, but his physical weakness had distracted him from my presence.

 

The brute, on the other hand, had been superbly powerful physically, yet his mental capacity had led to his downfall.

 

Neither would have made the other’s mistake. I, however, had exploited both their weaknesses to ensure victory. For a moment I reflected on what makes a great warrior. For much of my existence, I have struggled to pinpoint the elusive characteristics a warrior should possess. I am certain that I am a great warrior, hence my quest to define the perfect warrior is a quest to define myself. I know one quality of a true warrior should not have: impracticality. Teridax is a prime example. That fool wastes time and resources on useless schemes. He gambles the entire universe on a lunatic scheme!

 

My train of thought had reached this point when I arrived in what was clearly the fortress' central chamber. The room was impressively large, and presumably was originally some kind of strategy or command center.

 

Now, however, it was chaos. Energy bolts, weapons, and even beings hurtled across the room. My forces were pushing the Hunters back, but some had managed to make a stand. I knew from experience that that group must have been urged on by a particularly fearsome leader. As I scanned the room for such a being, I spotted a movement out of the corner of my eye.

 

A scrawny Hunter tried to make a run for the door which I had just come out of. Before I could kill him, a spiny whip wrapped around his ankle, tripping him. He was immediately set upon by a Lerahk. The Poison Rahkshi, in turn, collapsed with a thrown knife in its leg. I looked around to find the being responsible.

 

I looked at him.

 

He looked at me.

 

His reputation had, in fact, reached my ears. I had once heard another Makuta complain about the disruption he caused to trade in his region. Of course, I had no intention of letting him know he had reached the notice of Makuta.

 

“Hello, Makuta,” he hissed.

 

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t catch your name,” I responded nonchalantly.

 

“Amphibax, and what of yours?” he asked.

 

“Why would sea-scum like you deserve to know it?”

 

He knew I was baiting him, and I knew he knew. Therefore, I was surprised even more when he hurled a knife at my head. I easily sidestepped it, but Amphibax had already dashed forward, making up the distance between us. We did not speak as we fought; the clash of our blades spoke plenty. However, he stood no chance. With a neat flick of my sword, I knocked away the knife he held, and I quickly formed bonds of shadow around him. He gasped for breath as I constricted the shadow tendrils, when suddenly they writhed and flickered, allowing him to slip free.

 

I was too astonished to react for a second, giving my new attacker the opportunity to encircle me with a wall of flames. I shoved a blast of Vacuum power in the direction I thought Amphibax was, clearing the fire away from me.

 

I saw a bulky suit of armor covered in flames, thrashing about. Then it aimed its claws at its torso, and created water which extinguished the flames. The being stepped out of the cloud of smoke. I groaned inside. I recognized this Dark Hunter, and it figured that I would be fighting one of Teridax’s mistakes.

 

“You’re welcome,” Kraata-Kal snapped at Amphibax.

 

I merely scowled, and hurled bolts of lightning at both. They barely managed to escape the potentially lethal attack.

 

Kraata-Kal, his smugness gone, cast successive blasts of water and fire at my feet, creating a nearly opaque cloud of steam. Calling upon my Adaption power, I dramatically improved my sense of hearing just in time to hear the whistling of an incoming blade.

 

I stepped back just in time to avoid Amphibax’s claws, and I then spun around to parry Kraata-Kal’s blade. For some time this went on, as I defended myself but was unable to find an opening to attack. Then, I found my opportunity. Both lunged towards me at the same time, even as I twisted to the side.

 

It was all they could do not to impale each other. I rammed Kraata-Kal with the flat side of my Rotating Shadow Blades, shoving him onto Amphibax.

 

As they wearily struggled to their feet, I laughed. I was just getting started. Now I was on the offensive, and it took all of the Dark Hunter’s skill just to survive. Finally both seemed ready to collapse from exhaustion, when I noticed something.

 

It was almost nighttime. Without realizing it, I had fought for the entire day. I decided that I had better finish this battle. It was somewhat embarrassing that this group of scoundrels had held out for so long against the might of the Brotherhood.

 

I had, until now, refrained from using mental attacks out of a desire to hone my skill in hand-to-hand combat, something which required much more practice to maintain than telepathy.

 

But now it was time to strike without mercy. My mental attack tore through the duo’s minds as they screamed in agony.

 

Then I heard him.

 

Having fun?

 

Teridax?” I asked with astonishment.

 

Who else? I have work for you,

 

You’ll have to make an appointment,” I thought as I closed off my mind.

 

You would do well not to ignore this, unless you want me to deliver on my promise.

 

I grimaced, remembering the humiliation I had suffered at his hands. I admit, I was surprised that he was able to break through my mental defenses at such a distance. After putting up significantly stronger shields, I thought for a moment. I decided to find out what he wanted before acting. As much as I longed to kill him, he was far away and I didn’t even know what he was trying to do. I knew his Plan (or at least, what he had told the Brotherhood), and whatever he was asking didn’t seem to be part of it.

 

Finished brooding? I want you to retrieve my mask.

 

What?

 

You’ll find it in the Silver Sea, outside Mangaia.

 

I had no idea how he had lost his mask, but I sensed there might be a story behind this which he had no intention of telling me. I paced a little, turning my back to Amphibax and Kraata-Kal as I considered his offer. But as I considered the prospect of discovering some embarrassment of Teridax’s, I decided to go to Metru Nui.

 

Fine. I’ll get it.”

 

I knew you’d realize who the superior being was.

 

He always knew what to say to enrage me the most. I always hated him for it. I sensed his mental presence vanish as he broke off our telepathic conversation. I turned around.

 

Amphibax and Kraata-Kal were gone. The battle was still going on, but those two were what mattered. They were the only Dark Hunters of significance here. These others- they knew nothing, they were worth NOTHING.  I could hear nothing. My vision was tinged with red. I screamed. I struck left and right at anything that moved. I didn’t care what. It was Teridax’s fault. He had cheated me again, and everything that breathed would pay the price.

 

When I came back to my senses, I was surrounded by wreckage. Twisted metal, rubble, and even a pool of molten metal occupied much of the land once taken up by the fortress. I was not too exhausted, due to my Mask of Scavenging. The thought reminded me of Teridax. I did not rage again, luckily for the few beings of both sides who had either hidden or fled. My face was twisted into a smile, as I decided what I would do.

 

 

Now, I sit on Teridax’s throne, wearing Teridax’s mask. After retrieving the Kraahkan, I fetched the Staff of Artakha for him. That particular tangent does not seem to have gone anywhere. Teridax is insane. This is the end of his reign. I will no longer accept his orders. He deals in murkiness, obscurity, and deception. How could such a being ever be a stable ruler?

 

He has ordered the most skilled Makuta in combat to assault Karda Nui, the universe’s core. We are completely overqualified for this task. A Makuta has the power to crush an army. It does not take eight of us to fight a handful of Matoran and Toa.

 

I will not be an accessory to this madness. I have refused his command and live in clear rebellion. I expect that when I write my next entry in this chronicle, I will be writing as uncontested ruler of the Brotherhood.

 

 

Icarax replaced the tablet inside the throne. After examining the mechanism for a second, he reengaged the lock. Only the sharpest eyes could tell that the pitch-dark throne was any different.

 

He thought about Teridax, about the Brotherhood, about his ambitions. He was still for a long time.

 

A twisted Matoran would soon interrupt his thoughts. He would be convinced to change his plans. Icarax would leave Destral, and his hidden record. When he traveled to Karda Nui, he headed to triumph and conquest. Of that, he was absolutely certain.


Edited by bonesiii, May 18 2014 - 04:02 PM.
Format reconstructed after a BZP glitch. -bones

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"I expect that when I write my next entry in this chronicle, I will be writing as uncontested ruler of the Brotherhood."
-Certainty, my Memoirs of the Dead entry

#2 Offline TLhikan

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Posted Nov 30 2012 - 10:15 AM

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: At least one inaccuracy or error has been found in your entry. After reading this judge post, you are authorized to edit your entry to fix these errors. After editing to fix these things, please post in the entry topic saying what you changed.

 

First, grammerly stuff:

 

 

 

 Looking around the chamber, I see the mechanical Rahkshi and Exo-Toa looking typically emotionless, in sharp contrast to the  Visorak which looked extremely nervous

 

I think it should be "who". Either way, there should be a comma after "Visorak" and you doubled spaced after "the" :).

 

 

 

Energy bolts, weapons, and even being hurtled across the room

 

I'm guessing "beings" was what was intended here?

 

 

 

Kraata-     Kal, his smugness gone

 

Another spacing thing.

 

 

Canon stuff:

 

 

 

even a pool of plasma

 

I think that even in the MU, plasma acts like a gas. You could say a pool of lava/melted metal or whatnot. 

 

 

Other than that, good story!

 

-TLhikan


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#3 Offline Baron Von Nebula

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Posted Dec 01 2012 - 06:52 PM

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: At least one inaccuracy or error has been found in your entry. After reading this judge post, you are authorized to edit your entry to fix these errors. After editing to fix these things, please post in the entry topic saying what you changed.

 

First, grammerly stuff:

 

 

 

 Looking around the chamber, I see the mechanical Rahkshi and Exo-Toa looking typically emotionless, in sharp contrast to the  Visorak which looked extremely nervous

 

I think it should be "who". Either way, there should be a comma after "Visorak" and you doubled spaced after "the" :).

 

 

 

Energy bolts, weapons, and even being hurtled across the room

 

I'm guessing "beings" was what was intended here?

 

 

 

Kraata-     Kal, his smugness gone

 

Another spacing thing.

 

 

Canon stuff:

 

 

 

even a pool of plasma

 

I think that even in the MU, plasma acts like a gas. You could say a pool of lava/melted metal or whatnot. 

 

 

Other than that, good story!

 

-TLhikan

Thanks!  I made these edits, and also mentioned Icarax's Mask of Scavenging to clarify how his mask gave him energy.


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Read my comedy, about the Hero Factory villains watching a television channel produced by our Spherus Magnan friends!
The Bionicle Channel

"I expect that when I write my next entry in this chronicle, I will be writing as uncontested ruler of the Brotherhood."
-Certainty, my Memoirs of the Dead entry

#4 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Dec 08 2012 - 08:02 AM

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: At least one inaccuracy or error has been found in your entry. After reading this judge post, you are authorized to edit your entry to fix these errors. After editing to fix these things, please post in the entry topic saying what you changed.

 

There are still a few problems, I think.

 

I sent a few Rahkshi of Rahi Control to round up the scattered Frostelus, further bulking up my forces.

 

I'm not sure whether Rahi Control would be sufficient to take over Frostelus. While the Matoran consider them Rahi, we know that they're practically sentient.

 

Grammar mistakes:

 

Looking around the chamber, I see the mechanical Rahkshi and Exo-Toa looking typically emotionless, in sharp contrast to the Visorak, who looked extremely nervous.

 

You're using the present tense, so it's "look", not "looked".

 

Though shrouded in the darkness of the night, this afforded no problems to my forces and I, being mostly creatures of shadow anyways.

 

I'm not sure that "to afford" is the right verb here. Perhaps you should replace "afforded" with "presented".

 

The first was more intelligent than the second, but his physical weakness distracted him to my presence.The brute, on the other hand, was superbly powerful physically, yet his mental capacity led to his downfall.Neither would have made the other’s mistake. I, however, exploited both their weaknesses to ensure victory.

 

Since this refers to an event taking place before the one described here, you should use the past perfect. So it's "had been" instead of "was", "had distracted" instead of "distracted", "had been" instead of "was", "had led" instead of "led" and "had exploited" instead of "exploited".

 

Teridax is insane. This is the end if his reign. I will no longer accept his orders. He deals in murkiness, obscurity, and deception. How could such a being ever be a stable ruler?

 

"of" not "if".

 

I was also unsure whether Amphibax could be in command of a fortress timeline-wise, since we know that he was sent to spy on the Piraka on Voya Nui and that during that same period Icarax was sent to retrieve the Kraahkan. I think it is possible, though it would be tight, so I didn't signal it as a mistake, but I'm pointing it out anyway.


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#5 Offline Baron Von Nebula

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Posted Dec 09 2012 - 12:20 AM

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: At least one inaccuracy or error has been found in your entry. After reading this judge post, you are authorized to edit your entry to fix these errors. After editing to fix these things, please post in the entry topic saying what you changed.

 

There are still a few problems, I think.

 

I sent a few Rahkshi of Rahi Control to round up the scattered Frostelus, further bulking up my forces.

 

I'm not sure whether Rahi Control would be sufficient to take over Frostelus. While the Matoran consider them Rahi, we know that they're practically sentient.

 

Grammar mistakes:

 

 

 

Looking around the chamber, I see the mechanical Rahkshi and Exo-Toa looking typically emotionless, in sharp contrast to the Visorak, who looked extremely nervous.

 

 

 

You're using the present tense, so it's "look", not "looked".

 

 

 

Though shrouded in the darkness of the night, this afforded no problems to my forces and I, being mostly creatures of shadow anyways.

 

 

 

I'm not sure that "to afford" is the right verb here. Perhaps you should replace "afforded" with "presented".

 

 

The first was more intelligent than the second, but his physical weakness distracted him to my presence.The brute, on the other hand, was superbly powerful physically, yet his mental capacity led to his downfall.Neither would have made the other’s mistake. I, however, exploited both their weaknesses to ensure victory.

 

 

 

Since this refers to an event taking place before the one described here, you should use the past perfect. So it's "had been" instead of "was", "had distracted" instead of "distracted", "had been" instead of "was", "had led" instead of "led" and "had exploited" instead of "exploited".

 

 

 

Teridax is insane. This is the end if his reign. I will no longer accept his orders. He deals in murkiness, obscurity, and deception. How could such a being ever be a stable ruler?

 

 

 

"of" not "if".

 

I was also unsure whether Amphibax could be in command of a fortress timeline-wise, since we know that he was sent to spy on the Piraka on Voya Nui and that during that same period Icarax was sent to retrieve the Kraahkan. I think it is possible, though it would be tight, so I didn't signal it as a mistake, but I'm pointing it out anyway.

 

 

I made the edits you suggested.  I didn't really get to proofread this, as I had typed about 70% before I had a computer error and had to quickly retype the whole thing to get it in before the deadline.

I decided to just remove the Frostelus part.  I wanted to mention the Frostelus again, so could I have permission to edit in a line about the Frostelus having migrated out of the area or something, to explain why they didn't attack the Dark Hunters?

Thanks!


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"I expect that when I write my next entry in this chronicle, I will be writing as uncontested ruler of the Brotherhood."
-Certainty, my Memoirs of the Dead entry

#6 Offline TLhikan

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Posted Dec 25 2012 - 10:00 PM

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: No inaccuracies or errors were found in your entry. Unless another judge or member finds a problem later, your entry is likely to go on to the polls.

 

-TLhikan


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"So I'm TL now?"
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#7 Offline The First Speaker

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Posted Jan 09 2013 - 04:01 PM

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: No inaccuracies or errors were found in your entry. Unless another judge or member finds a problem later, your entry is likely to go on to the polls.

 

Great job! I think that you really managed to characterise Icarax well in this story. I couldn't find any grammar or canon errors. Good luck in the polls!


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#8 Offline Baron Von Nebula

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Posted Jan 09 2013 - 07:06 PM

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: No inaccuracies or errors were found in your entry. Unless another judge or member finds a problem later, your entry is likely to go on to the polls.

 

Great job! I think that you really managed to characterise Icarax well in this story. I couldn't find any grammar or canon errors. Good luck in the polls!

Thanks!  Trying to put myself in Icarax's head was the hardest part in writing this, so I'm glad to hear that I did it well.  I really appreciate the time you judges are putting into this. :)


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Read my comedy, about the Hero Factory villains watching a television channel produced by our Spherus Magnan friends!
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"I expect that when I write my next entry in this chronicle, I will be writing as uncontested ruler of the Brotherhood."
-Certainty, my Memoirs of the Dead entry

#9 Offline fishers64

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Posted Nov 19 2013 - 12:47 PM

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: No inaccuracies or errors were found in your entry. Unless another judge or member finds a problem later, your entry is likely to go on to the polls.


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#10 Offline Baron Von Nebula

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Posted Jan 03 2014 - 01:11 PM

Edited for formatting.  It's possible that there are some issues that I missed, however.


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Read my comedy, about the Hero Factory villains watching a television channel produced by our Spherus Magnan friends!
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"I expect that when I write my next entry in this chronicle, I will be writing as uncontested ruler of the Brotherhood."
-Certainty, my Memoirs of the Dead entry




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