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Another good chapter. It was interesting having someone other than Matau answer questions for a change. I do want to see how Matau will convince Nokama to go on a second date though. :P

 

And you don't have enough questions? I can change that. :)


Everyone is one choice away from being the bad guy in another person's story.


 


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For a moment our dear Emperor Kuzco Matau was g-gone. But now he's back. :D Great chappy as ever. The Dosne joke was fantastic.

 

PS: Pardon my intrusion but I think there was a little mistake in that Keelerak called Whenua "Onua" at one point (just before the message from Vhisola) and the strikethrough in Dosne's message was formatted incorrectly.

 

D'oh! Fixed both issues. (How in the world did I mix up Whenua and Onua? :blink: )

 

Now that you mention it, Matau does act quite similar to Kuzco, doesn't he? Oh no, I think I feel another comedy idea coming on..;.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |

My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

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For a moment our dear Emperor Kuzco Matau was g-gone. But now he's back. :D Great chappy as ever. The Dosne joke was fantastic.

 

PS: Pardon my intrusion but I think there was a little mistake in that Keelerak called Whenua "Onua" at one point (just before the message from Vhisola) and the strikethrough in Dosne's message was formatted incorrectly.

 

D'oh! Fixed both issues. (How in the world did I mix up Whenua and Onua? :blink: )

 

Now that you mention it, Matau does act quite similar to Kuzco, doesn't he? Oh no, I think I feel another comedy idea coming on..;.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:

 

It's just a minor mistake, once I was writing a story and I mixed up Tuyet and Helryx' names a few times. A couple readers thought I was giving a future story hint. xD

 

Yeeeeeeeessssss embrace the comedy idea! Kuzco in Bionicle must become reality!

Edited by Toa of Gallifrey

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Man, it's been a while since I read this one.  Oh well, looks like they're up to the usual shenanigans, although the date was new.  I guess I should probably find some more questions for them.  Great job on the chapter, keep it up! 


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Man, I'm loving this (and The Nuva Inn as well). They're some of the best comedies out there on BZPower.

It's great to see Whenua do some question answering, and there were so many laughs this chapter. Not enough questions huh? I think that I can do something about that...

Edited by Erasmus Graves

"Mutiny, Booty and Entropy"  - The Three Vices of the Frostelus

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Guess who’s finally back in business?

 

After what might have been my longest hiatus yet, I’m finally back with more Ask Matau! for your viewing reading enjoyment. For those of you who haven’t kept up with my blog, I’d come across a hiccup in the BBcode that was chopping my chapters in half, and after a lot of struggling recently figured out how to bypass the issue. So start those questions rolling in once again, for Matau and the rest of the gang are back with more question-answering shenanigans!

 

 

Ask Matau!

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 26: Double Mataus All The Way Across The Sky!

 

Matau: YES! About time, Lewa0111!

 

Lewa0111: Sorry, Matau. Blame BZPower for not letting my chapters be long enough.

 

Matau: You could have just written shorter chapters. That’s no excuse!

 

Lewa0111: What, and let the MAPC value drop? Really?

 

Matau: "MAPC value?" Wait, what’s that?

 

Lewa0111: “Matau Awesomeness Per Chapter,” obviously. It’s a vital comedy-writing statistic.

 

Matau: Oh! Yeah, of course, I already knew that. Most important part, obviously.

 

Lewa0111: So by waiting until I could make normal-length comedy chapters, the MAPC value stays at its usual value. I couldn’t risk anything else!

 

Matau: Duh. Thanks for waiting, in that case.

 

*Whenua walks in from the other room, yawning*

 

Whenua: Matau? Who are you talking to? Some of us are trying to sleep.

 

Matau: Lewa0111. Sorry. We’re starting a new chapter today!

 

Whenua: :bigeek: WHAT??

 

Matau: Yeah, it’s true.

 

Whenua: Of all the days. I hardly got any sleep thanks to last night’s Cheesenado Incident....Come to think of it, how are you so awake?

 

Matau: I’m too excited to be tired!! I’ll just catch up on sleep later.

 

Whenua: That’s not how sleep works. Whatever, I’m going back to bed.

 

*Whenua leaves*

 

Matau: *shrugs* He’s missing out. Guess I’m starting this one solo for once! Let’s do this!

 

*Matau walks over to the computer and turns it on*

 

Computer: Hello, Matau. Haven’t seen you in a while. What’s the occasion?

 

Matau: New chapter!

 

Computer: You’re joking.

 

Matau: Nope! Completely serious.

 

Computer: Well, in that case....You have--

 

Matau: Nope, don’t want to hear it. Haven’t done my intro yet!

 

Computer: *sighs* Oh, okay, fine.

 

Matau: HELLO, BZ-NUI! Welcome to Ask Matau!, the show where you send me questions (and spam, and viruses, and threat mail, and hate messages, and mail that says "This is not spam.", and Literal Elemental Mail, and random flashbacks, and multi-part questions, and emoticon villains arguing, and mail calling me ugly, and extortion mail, and mail from other Lewa0111 comedies, and people stealing my DVD, and crazy crossovers, and messages about me becoming a Turaga for some reason, and food obsessions taken way too far, and love letters for Whenua) and I (and Nokama, and Whenua, and Lewa0111) answer them in hilarious ways! Okay, Vohtarak, get off the computer.

 

*Awkward silence*

 

Matau: ...Vohtarak’s not here? What?

 

Computer: If I had to guess, I’d say he’s still asleep too.

 

Matau: Good point. Oh well, I’ll take what I can get. Feels good to be back!

 

Computer: I agree! Eddie, what about you?

 

Eddie the Spam Deleter: B-)

 

Computer: ...I think that means yes.

 

Matau: Good enough for me! Eddie, delete all spam.

 

Eddie the Spam Deleter: B-)

 

Computer: You have 6,018 new messages.

 

Matau: Wow, that’s a lot of not-spam. Bet it’s all fanmail from people who missed me desperately, right? Let’s take a look!

 

Computer: Displaying first message.

 

 

Matau,

 

Guess who won the lottery yesterday? Me. And not you. HA! IN YOUR FACE!

 

-Onewa

Matau: Delete this.

 

Computer: BRAAAAAAMP! Deleted! Displaying second message.

 

 

Matau,

 

I’m better than you. I just won the “Awesomest Toa Metru” contest three weeks in a row!

 

~It’s all my fault you won the contest!

 

Shut up, Vakama.

 

~It’s all my fault you made up that contest! It’s all my fault you were the only entrant! It’s all my fault you’re--

 

VAKAMA! NOT HELPING!

Matau: Delete.

 

Computer: BRAAAAAMP! Deleted! Displaying third message.

 

 

Matau,

 

You’re the worst Toa in existence. Nokama could do so much better. Like me! Stone is far superior to Air.

 

-Guess who.

Matau: :mad: You know what? Delete all messages from Onewa, or anything remotely similar to “Onewa.”

 

Computer: Probably a good idea. Deleted! You now have 7 new messages.

 

Matau: That’s much better. Stupid Toa of Stone thinks he can get to me...but he can’t! HA! Have fun on Pluto, Onewa!

 

Onewa (from all the way at his house): I’m not on Pluto...

 

Matau: Now you are! Computer, activate program C/Users/matauisawesome/Program Files/giveemtheboot/boot.exe and send it to Onewa.

 

Computer: Activating program! Sending to Onewa now.

 

*At Onewa’s house, a giant boot comes out of the computer and kicks him all the way to Pluto*

 

Onewa: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…

 

Matau: Wonder how he heard me all the way in Po-Metru. Come to think of it, how did I hear him in the first place? Oh well. Let’s just get the real questions started!

 

Computer: Displaying first message:

 

 

"Hey, Matau! Which of your Aero Slicers is your favorite? Surely, you must prefer one over the other. :P "

Matau: Oh great, somebody who’s too lazy to sign their name again. Here I was hoping we wouldn’t have that problem any more. As for the question...you know what, I’ve never really thought about it before. Let’s see here. *pulls out both Aero Slicers and examines them* Billy is nice and sharp, but he tends to break a lot. I hate having to pay Onewa billions of widgets each time to repair it. Jimmy Joe Bob Bill Bob Bobby the Fifth is sturdier, but doesn’t slice as well. And slicing is kinda in the name…

 

Nokama: Wait, you named your Aero Slicers?

 

Matau: *quickly tosses Billy and Jimmy Joe Bob Bill Bob Bobby the Fifth over his shoulder* W-w-w-w-wha-Nokama!? What are you doing here? You’re awake! I don’t name my Aero Slicers! You’re not tired! I’m by myself? Show starting! Ga-Toa! Pineapples? Gukko? Penguins…

 

Nokama: :blink:

 

Matau: Nothing to see here, moving on…

 

Nokama: Why would I be asleep? And why are you spouting gibberish?

 

Matau: No reason. Everybody else is tired from last night, so I thought you’d be too. I’m too excited to be tired, or I’d be asleep too!

 

Nokama: What happened last night? I wasn’t here.

 

Matau: You weren’t? You missed the Cheesenado Incident?

 

Nokama: Uhh...apparently. I don’t actually live here. Did you forget?

 

Matau: Maybe?

 

*Nokama facepalms*

 

Nokama: I’ve never lived here!

 

Matau: I dunno, you’re just always around. I assumed you lived here.

 

Nokama: Well, I don’t. I live next door.

 

Matau: Since when?

 

Nokama: Since after our date last chapter, when I moved there.

 

Matau: And I never knew this how?

 

Nokama: Evidently you just assumed I lived here.

 

Matau: Oh yeah. Good point. Anyway, want to help answer questions?

 

Nokama: I suppose. That’s why I came over just now, anyway. I heard we’re starting new chapters again.

 

Matau: Yep! ...Wait, how did you find out about that?

 

Nokama: I read the paper. *pulls out newspaper entitled “The Lewa0111 Times”* Front page story!

 

Matau: Wow, news really travels fast.

 

Nokama: So...what was that about your Aero Slicers again?

 

Matau: Oh. That. *looks at question* Eh, don’t care, never gave much though to it. I like both equally. Though I do somewhat prefer Jimmy Joe Bob Bill Bob Bobby the Fifth...er I mean my right Aero Slicer! Definitely doesn’t have a name. And if it did, it definitely wouldn’t be called “Jimmy Joe Bob Bill Bob Bobby the Fifth.” Who would ever name their Aero Slicers? Heh heh…

 

Nokama: …Riiiiight...

 

Matau: Come to think of it, where’d they go, anyway?

 

*Nokama points to an annoyed Boggarak laying in the corner, two Aero Slicers sitting nearby*

 

Boggarak: Being bonked on the head with two Aero Slicers is not the greatest kind of alarm clock ever invented. Goodnight.

 

*Boggarak goes back to sleep*

 

Matau: Oh. Oops.

 

Nokama: All right, Computer, let’s see the next message!

 

Computer: Displaying Message 2.

 

 

Dear Matau,

 

Did you know that I, Matoro, have a great singing voice? Even greater than yours?

 

From,

 

Matoro, the great singer.

Matau: WHAT? Impossible. No one has a better singing voice than me. Nobody!

 

Nokama: :lol:

 

Matau: ...What’s so funny?

 

Nokama: Remember karaoke night?

 

Matau: Uh, I’d rather not, thanks.

 

Nokama: You know what? I feel like this is a good time for a flashback… :sly:

 

*Matau starts frantically looking around the room*

 

Matau: Where’s that flashback generator? We are NOT watching karaoke night!

 

Nokama: Right here! *holds up flashback generator*

 

Matau: You give me that right now!!

 

Nokama: Never! We’re going to watch this. The viewers will love it!

 

Matau: Yeah, but I won’t...Gimme!

 

Nokama: Nope! :sly: *starts to press button*

 

Matau: Don’t you DARE!

 

*Matau uses his wind powers to blow the flashback generator out of her hand, but accidentally knocks it into Boggarak, who wakes up and fires a water spinner out of annoyance, sending the flashback generator onto the computer’s keyboard, where it somehow accidentally activates the previously-used “Give ‘Em The Boot” program. A boot flies out of the computer and kicks the flashback generator into the air, sending it flying out the window and off to Pluto.*

 

Matau: ...

 

Nokama: ...

 

Matau: That didn’t quite go as planned. Now we can’t see ANY flashbacks! Including the ones where I was awesome!

 

Boggarak: Good. I hate flashbacks. And I hate being woken up by things hitting me on the head. *goes back to sleep*

 

Nokama: Let’s hope we find it again soon. I’m sure nothing too terrible could happen in the meantime!

 

Matau: Yeah, let’s just move on. So to answer your question, Matoro. I’m definitely a far better singer than you could ever hope to be. Karaoke night went perfectly, I was totally awesome, and nothing embarrassing happened there, ever! Next question, please!

 

Computer: Displaying Message 3.

 

 

Dear Matau,

Why, in almost all forms of media, are the red Toa seen as the leader?

Your biggest fan,

Hasreadit

P.S. You've supplanted Vakama as my favorite Toa

Matau: For Mata Nui’s sake, I hate this.

 

Nokama: What, the question?

 

Matau: No, the thing the question is talking about! Where everyone makes the Toa of Fire the leader. I’d be a thousand times better than Vakama was. Actually, I was a thousand times better than Vakama was, when he was evil during Web of Shadows. My plan was awesome and that battle went perfectly!

 

Nokama: ...Aren’t you forgetting the part where Makuta was set free after that?

 

Matau: *shrugs* Vakama’s fault.

 

Vakama: It’s all my fault Makuta was set free!

 

Matau: For once I agree with you, it really was your fault. Now get out of here.

 

Vakama: It’s all my fault you agreed with me! It’s all my fault I’m at your house! It’s all my fault I have no idea how I ended up here! It’s all my fault I’m leaving now!

 

*Vakama leaves*

 

Nokama: To be honest, I have to agree. That is rather annoying.

 

Matau: So we’re on another date now?

 

Nokama: *SLAP!* No! For the last time, me agreeing with you doesn’t count as a date!

 

Matau: Aww, why not?

 

Nokama: Because that doesn’t even make any sense. Now answer the question.

 

Matau: Fine. The only reason the Fire Toa are always the leaders is because their red armor stands out more. That’s it. That’s the only reason. Dumbest idea ever.

 

 

 

(NOTE FROM LEWA0111: I AM NOT MAKING THAT UP. THAT’S REALLY THE REASON.)

 

 

 

Matau: Okay, next question! I have to say though, I do like that very nice P.S. :D

 

Computer: Displaying Message 4.

 

 

Matau, what is your favorite Pokemon and why?

 

-Vezon

Matau: Kind of a random question, but hey, why not? My favorite has to be Scyther.

 

Nokama: Kind of a random answer...Why Scyther?

 

Matau: Easy! 1) It can fly, 2) It can use air moves, 3) It’s green, 4) It has two claws that look a lot like Aero Slicers!

 

Nokama: :rolleyes: I wonder why you like those particular traits…

 

Matau: I was actually the design model for Scyther.

 

Nokama: ...Pretty sure Scyther was released before Toa Matau was. Like, as in, almost a decade before.

 

Matau: Stop ruining my imagination with your logic! Next question, computer.

 

Computer: Displaying Message 5.

 

 

Hey Matau!

 

So now that you’ve finished off Bob the Pirate :giveup:, what do you plan on doing for the next few episodes?

 

Toa Railblazer

Bob the Pirate: (yelling from the distance) IT’S :pirate:, NOT :giveup:!!

 

Matau: Somebody shut him up. Let’s check out my “Matau’s Things To Do” list.

 

*Matau pulls out a gigantic tablet several feet tall and reads off of it*

 

Matau: Let’s see:

“Defeat Bob the Pirate.” Check! What’s left?

“Go on a Date with Hottie-Hot-Hottie Nokama,” check!

“Continue Dating Hottie-Hot-Hottie Nokama,” uhh, still working on that one.

 

Nokama: *SLAP! SLAP!*

 

Matau: Oww...two in a row?? Unfair!

 

Nokama: Still have to earn that second date. Just saying.

 

Matau: Fine. Let’s see what else is on the list.

“Build the Fastest Vehicle on Metru Nui,” working on it!

“Send Onewa to Pluto Again,” check!

“Throw an Awesome Party with Whenua,” working on it.

“Become Even More Famous,” still working on it.

“Beat Tahu in Driving Contest,” oh yeah, I still need to set that up.

“Answer Lots of Questions,” well, what do you think I’m doing right now?

“Confiscate All Cheese On Metru Nui,” after yesterday, I really need to get on that.

 

Nokama: Interesting list. Where do you keep that thing?

 

Matau: Oh, I’m not even done yet. That’s just the first few items. And I keep it in my Toa-Pocket, of course!

 

Nokama: But it’s as tall as we are! How--you know what, never mind.

 

Matau: Actually, come to think of it, I need to add something to the bottom.

 

*Matau pulls out a chisel and writes “Find Flashback Generator” at the bottom of the tablet*

 

Nokama: Good idea. Then we can flashback to karaoke night!

 

*Matau chisels “Confiscate Flashback Generator From Nokama” underneath the previous item*

 

Nokama: You’re no fun.

 

Matau: I’m not going to keep reading the rest of the list, because then we’d be here all day. But just know that I have lots of things still on my To-Do list! Next question!

 

Computer: Displaying Message 6.

 

 

Matau

We at Tallymuk Cheese have noticed you are a loyal customer. As such, please visit tallymukcheese.com/promo to fill out a coupon for a years supply of Tallymuk cheese. Thank you for your loyal service.

Sue D. Onym

Customer Relations

Tallymuk Cheese

Nokama: Oh no... :fear:

 

Matau: Nope. NOPE! We are not doing this. Computer, please dele--

 

*A brown blur zooms in from the kitchen, skids to a stop in front of the computer, and clicks on the link*

 

Roporak: I heard someone say CHEESE, so I woke up! Yay!

 

Matau: I just got done saying how we’re confiscating all the cheese in the city. Don’t you dare! Where’s Jimmy Joe Bob...er, I mean, where’s my aero slicers?

 

Boggarak: I wrapped them up. You’re not waking me up with them again.

 

Matau: Oh no.

 

*Roporak fills out the form*

 

Nokama: Don’t worry, I’ll take care of this.

 

*Nokama uses her hydro blades to wash Roporak out of the living room*

 

Nokama: Thanks, Jill and Jennifer!

 

Matau: Wait, you name your Hydro Blades too?

 

Nokama: Well, I...uhh...

 

Matau: Not that I name my Aero Slicers or anything. You know, just so we’re clear on that.

 

*Matau sits down*

 

Matau: Aaaaand now my bottom’s wet. Great. I just hope you managed to--

 

Computer: Coupon request sent. Year’s supply of cheese ordered!

 

*Both Toa Metru facepalm*

 

Matau: *sighs* This is going to be rough.

 

Nokama: No kidding. One question left, right? Let’s just get this over with. We can worry about the cheese later.

 

Matau: Good thinking. Computer, let’s check out the last question.

 

Computer: Displaying Message 7.

 

 

Dear everyone but 'Matau' who reads this,

 

Did you know that the Matau who has received messages all this time has not been the real Matau, but instead a inferior clone sent to you all from another dimension so that the real Matau, yours truly, could go on with his life to be a true hero to those who need it? DId you all know this?

 

From, the true Matau.

Matau: What’s this? I can’t read it. It’s all gibberish. Computer, please dele--

 

Nokama: Wait, I can read it perfectly! It’s addressed to “everyone but ‘Matau’ who reads this.” Must be why you can’t understand it.

 

Matau: Strange. What’s it say?

 

Nokama: ...It says you’re an inferior clone from another dimension, and that the real Matau is a true hero, and the one who sent this message. It’s signed “the true Matau.”

 

Matau: What. The. Karzahni.

 

Boggarak: This has got to be the most absurd thing I have ever seen. Even given our usual standards.

 

Matau: Wait, you’re awake? I promise I didn’t throw anything else!

 

Boggarak: No, I just gave up on the sleep thing after that whole thing with Roporak and the water that drenched me.

 

Nokama: Right. Sorry about that.

 

Matau: Can we just pretend this never happened and move on?

 

???: I can’t let you do that.

 

Matau, Nokama, and Boggarak: Huh?

 

???: I figured you’d just pass off my message as nothing to worry about, so I decided to come myself.

 

*??? steps out of the shadows to reveal...*

 

Matau: Another me!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

Pohatu: By the way, I--

 

*Other Matau shoves Pohatu back into his time-comedy warp vortex*

 

Other Matau: Yes, it is I, the real Toa Matau. You’re just an imitation clone. I’ve been out saving the universe all this time, only to learn that I’m apparently here on Metru Nui running a comedy show. I can’t have someone else ruining my good name!

 

Matau: Ruining? I think you mean enhancing. And it’s MY good name. I don’t know who you are.

 

Nokama: Wait, am I an inferior clone, too?

 

Matau: No, you and the other Toa Metru are real. I left you all here ages ago to save the universe myself. Couldn’t trust anyone less awesome than me to do the job!

 

Nokama: Well, he’s some form of Matau, all right.

 

Matau: I don’t believe you. Boggarak, give me my Aero Slicers. I’ll show this guy who’s the real Toa Metru of Air!

 

Other Matau: If it’s a fight you want, it’s a fight you’ll get!

 

Whenua: What’s all the noise? I’m trying to slee--wait, am I seeing double? Two Mataus?

 

Nokama: Yep. As strange as it seems.

 

Matau: Whenua, this guy’s a faker. No idea where he came from, but don’t listen to him!

 

Other Matau: No, I’m the real one! He’s the fake. Obviously.

 

Whenua: Liar. *points to Matau* That’s the real one.

 

Matau: See? He’s a true friend. He could tell in an instant!

 

Whenua: Actually, I just noticed the faker has “Other Matau” at the start of his speech, while you have the usual “Matau.”

 

What is it with Earth element characters and breaking the fourth wall?

 

Whenua: No idea. But it’s fun!

 

*sigh* Fine. Whatever.

 

Other Matau: Cursed script format! If this were a prose comedy this would all be that much easier. Actually, I just got a brilliant idea. So sorry to run, but this pathetic copy can hang out here while I continue to be my awesome self.

 

*Other Matau flies out the window and away somewhere*

 

Whenua: Well. Two Mataus.

 

Nokama: Yeah, that certainly happened.

 

Matau: Clearly he’s a fake. He couldn’t even stand to be in the presence of this much Toa-Hero perfection for more than a few minutes!

 

Boggarak: He’ll be back. And we’d best be ready to stop him.

 

Matau: Pessimist.

 

Boggarak: Realist.

 

Matau: Better add “Defeat Evil Clone of Me” to my list. Probably a good time to end the show while we figure out a strategy, I think.

 

Whenua: Sounds good to me!

 

Nokama: Then it is agreed.

 

Everyone Else: ...

 

Nokama: I always wanted to quote myself!

 

END

 

Oohnorak: Hey! How come I wasn’t in this chapter? The show comes back and nobody tells me?

 

Keelerak: We were all asleep. Except for Boggarak.

 

Oohnorak: Hmph. Lucky.

 

Boggarak: Speak for yourself! I just wanted to sleep.

 

Vohtarak: I beat four BIONICLE games since the last chapter!

 

Boggarak: Vohtarak, no one cares but you.

 

Vohtarak: Aww...

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 3,371 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |

My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

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YEEEEEESSS!!!!  The return!

 

 

 

Whenua: Actually, I just noticed the faker has “Other Matau” at the start of his speech, while you have the usual “Matau.”

What is it with Earth element characters and breaking the fourth wall?

Whenua: No idea. But it’s fun!

*sigh* Fine. Whatever.

Ah, yes, the continuing saga of the narrator and the wallbreakers...

 

Excellent Job, Lewa0111 Nuva!  Good to see our favorite green-clad hero/comedian is back in the action!


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It's great to see another chapter of this! :) They're always hilarious.

 

Expect a question or two from me in the future.


Everyone is one choice away from being the bad guy in another person's story.


 


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Been waiting for more questions for a while now, but at this point I decided to write a new chapter anyway as it’s been quite some time since the last one. Consider this a “filler” chapter without questions so that I can save up enough for the next chapter. Enjoy the continuing saga of Matau’s antics!

 

 

 

Ask Matau!

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 27: The Prose Knows

 

Awakened by the sounds of digging coming from the house next door, Nokama got out of bed and opened the window. She saw Matau and Whenua in their yard, apparently digging some kind of hole. “Guys,” the very-tired Nokama called out, “exactly what are you doing?”

 

Matau looked up, causing the huge pile of dirt he’d been levitating with his air powers to fall on Whenua’s head. “Oh, hey, hottie!” he called out.

 

Nokama had never before regretted Matau being out of slapping range quite this much.

 

“We’re burying all that cheese that Roporak ordered last chapter. See?” He indicated the huge Vahki transport full of cheese that had recently arrived, which they were now attempting to dump into the hole. Nearby, Roporak stood completely mummified in the combined strength of the other five Visorak’s webbing.

 

“Oh,” ohed Nokama. “Can’t say I blame you. What’s with the prose, by the way?”

 

Matau looked at Whenua (‘s head, which was the only part of the Toa of Earth sticking out of the dirt pile from earlier). “Beats me,” Whenua answered. “I just assumed it was some cheese-induced hallucination. Hopefully it’ll go back to normal once this is all buried.”

 

“Whenua, why are you still stuck?” asked Nokama. “Can’t you just elemental-powers-yourself out?”

 

“Oh yeah!” said Whenua, suddenly remembering he was a Toa of Earth and using his powers to launch the dirt into the air, where Matau caught it with his own elemental powers and blew it on top of Roporak. “Much better.”

 

Nokama quickly realized that she wasn’t going to get any more sleep until the burying of the cheese was finished. “This might go faster with my help, you know,” she suggested.

 

“Great idea!” exclaimed Matau. “You can come help us! Also does this count as a date?”

 

*SLAP!* slapped Nokama.

 

 

 

 

About an hour later, Nokama had helped get all of the cheese below ground with her water powers, and the three Toa Metru managed to bury it so deep that Roporak would never be able to find it. The brown Visorak was released, and with a :(, he trudged off to drown his sorrows in...presumably cheese-flavored juice or something. “Well, that’s that,” said Matau.

 

“This prose should be going away any second now...” Whenua observed. “Any second now.”

 

 

 

 

Five hours (a.k.a. 18,000 seconds) later, things were still quite prosey. “Your theory fails,” Boggarak grumbled at Whenua. “I hate prose.”

 

“I thought you hated script?” asked Nokama.

 

“He hates everything,” Keelerak explained.

 

“Ah. Makes sense.”

 

“I also hate hating,” Boggarak clarified.

 

“Makes...significantly less sense.”

 

“Look, can we just focus on the problem at hand?” asked Matau. “We need to get rid of this prose. I can’t do my show without it!”

 

“Why not?” asked Whenua.

 

“Because it’s significantly less funny in prose, that’s why. My intro just wouldn’t be the same with a ‘Matau said’ at the end of it!”

 

Nokama rolled her eyes. “Of course. So what do we do?”

 

“Well, it wasn’t the cheese...”

 

“YOU’D BE CORRECT ABOUT THAT!” boomed an evil voice from nowhere. A green blur swooped in, knocked Whenua’s mask off for no reason at all, and then summoned a gust of wind in the center of the room that swirled around the newcomer. As Nokama quickly helped Whenua get his mask back on before he fainted, the winds died down to reveal a second Matau standing next to the original one.

 

“Oh, great,” groaned Boggarak. “Him again.”

 

:blink: ” Oohnorak emoticonned. “We missed a lot last chapter, didn’t we?”

 

“But which one’s the real one?” asked Keelerak.

 

“Me, obviously!” said both Mataus simultaneously.

 

Whenua frantically glanced from one Matau to the other and back again. “Drat, I can’t tell them apart anymore! This must be the other Matau’s doing. In prose format, he doesn’t have a name to give him away!”

 

The two Mataus drew their Aero Slicers at the same time and tried to smack the other one. “Guys, it’s me! Get rid of this faker!” said one Matau.

 

“Impossible, I’m the real one, he’s the fake!”

 

“NO U!”

 

“YES ME!”

 

“...” said Suukorak. (Translation: …)

 

“Wow, you just “translated” into your usual ellipses?” That’s a new one,” muttered Oohnorak.

 

“...” (Translation: Yeah, sometimes I just want to actually ellipse. So what?)

 

“I dunno, it’s weird.”

 

“...” (Translation: You’re weird!)

 

Realizing that they were evenly matched, both Mataus dropped their respective weapons...and commenced a sissy slap-fight with each other. “ :blink: ” was just about all the others could say in response.

 

“WAIT! Wait. Time out!” shouted Nokama suddenly, causing the Mataus to look at her and not notice Whenua sneaking out of the house. “Obviously you two can’t do anything but tie in a fight. So let’s do something else. A test!”

 

“Really? Nokama, you’re letting your teacher-ness get to your head,” Boggarak said.

 

“Not that kind of test. A Matau test!”

 

“Sounds awesome!” said Matau.

 

“Yeah, this will be easy!” said Matau.

 

“Whoever gets a question wrong, that’s the fake. Let’s begin! Lewa0111, mind helping out a little here?” asked Nokama.

 

Eh, why not. I’ve got nothing better to do today.

 

Two game-show-style podiums magically appeared in front of the Mataus (who were now wearing tuxedos and bow ties), and Nokama was suddenly wearing a fancy dress. Spotlights appeared over the podiums. Tiered studio seating had appeared underneath the five Visorak, who were now dressed in assorted and rather ludicrous costumes.

 

“Awesome, this is perfect, thanks!”

 

No problem, Nokama.

 

“Okay, question number one: what’s your favorite BIONICLE movie?”

 

Oohnorak (who was dressed in a marching band uniform and holding a pile of assorted band instruments) started playing the Jeopardy theme while the Mataus put in their answers. Several minutes later, Nokama cued a screen to show the results. “Matau answered ‘BIONICLE 2: Legends of Metru Nui.’ Matau answered ‘BIONICLE 4.5: Matau Is The Coolest.’ Wow, that was easy.”

 

“Wait a second, which Matau answered which answer?” called out Keelerak (who was wearing lederhosen and a feathered cap).

 

Nokama looked up at the screen again. “Huh. Problem...oh wait, I’ve got an idea!” She whipped out some duct tape and scribbled on it, then tore it into two pieces and stuck one piece on each Matau’s forehead. The one on the left read “Matau #1” and the one on the right read “Matau #A”. “There we go!”

 

“‘Number A?’” asked Matau #A.

 

“Didn’t want to make everyone biased towards #1.”

 

“Oh. Makes sense.”

 

“No it doesn’t!” complained Boggarak (dressed in a pink frilly dress). “Also, even though I’m blue, I AM NOT FEMALE!”

 

Sorry, Boggarak. Couldn’t resist. That’s what you get for complaining all the time.

 

The blue-armored Visorak just grumbled to himself.

 

“Can we just get on with it?” asked Nokama. “Okay, Mataus, second question: Somebody stuck a Mohtrek on Vakama’s face, and now there are infinite Vakama clones running around. What do you do?” Oohnorak started playing the Jeopardy theme once again as the Mataus wrote down their answers.

 

“...” ellipsed Suukorak, who was dressed like a monkey. For no real reason other than because it was funny. (Translation: Infinite Vakamas? Now that’s a fate I’d wish on no one. Well, maybe Boggarak.) Boggarak glared back but said nothing.

 

“Hey, where’s Roporak?” asked Vohtarak, who was dressed in polka-dots and gigantic nerd glasses. “Why isn’t he watching?”

 

The Visorak all turned and glanced behind the game-show arena, where Roporak was sitting in the house, wearing a giant cheese-shaped hat on his head and dressed entirely in cheese-patterned clothes. Apparently, he was currently trying to figure out how to eat the entirely non-edible hat. “Eh, let’s just leave him there,” suggested Keelerak.

 

“All right,” said Nokama suddenly, interrupting the Visoraks’ random conversation. “Results are in! Matau #1 wrote: ‘Convince them it’s all their fault there’s too many clones.’ And Matau #A wrote...the exact same thing?”

 

All of the Visorak and Nokama collectively facepalmed. “That question was too easy,” said Matau #A.

 

Nokama shrugged. “Okay, fine. Next one: You find three Air Katana, a Rahkshi staff, a roll of toilet paper, and some Lava Eels in a pile on the ground. What would you do with all that stuff?” While Oohnorak, as usual, started playing the Jeopardy theme, Nokama pulled the aforementioned items randomly out of midair and tossed one set each to both Mataus. “This is a more hands-on question,” she explained.

 

“Ten widgets says this ends badly,” whispered Boggarak.

 

“You’re on,” replied Keelerak, and the two attempted to shake hands, but failed as their pincers just kept bumping into each other since their arms were too short. They eventually settled for shaking pincers instead.

 

Before long, two equally-shoddily-constructed vehicles had launched into the air, and the two Mataus immediately started racing each other around the house. Nokama shook her head. “This faker is way too good at being Matau,” she complained. “Next question!”

 

The Mataus, of course, couldn’t hear her anyway.

 

 

 

 

“Okay, Question #37: which Great Mask is--” both Mataus simultaneously shouted “Mahiki!”

 

“--the hottest?” The Mataus instantly changed their answers to “Rau!,” which earned them both a SLAP! from the hostess.

 

“Question #38: You have to be stuck on an island with one of the Three Annoying Metru. Who do you choose?”

 

Again, both Mataus answered, “Nuju! Because he’s slightly less annoying than the other two. But not by much.”

 

“Question #39: What are the names of your Air Katana?”

 

 

 

 

*Several hours later...*

 

 

 

 

*Both Mataus are running around, covered in Gukko feathers, tap-dancing and on fire, while Keelerak dances a jig and random tornadoes sprout from the computer, and 9,321 robot vehicles keep dive-bombing the audience*

 

Nokama: Question #611: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen Gukko? ...And what am I referencing?

 

Matau: Metru Nuian or Steltian? And you’re referencing Monty Python.

 

Other Matau: Metru Nuian or Steltian? And you’re referencing Monty Python.

 

*The ground opens up and sucks in Other Matau, trapping him in the dirt*

 

Nokama: Gotcha! We have a loser!

 

Other Matau: What? Impossible! How’d you know I was the fake?

 

Whenua: Remember me?

 

Suukorak: ... (Translation: Where’d he come from? I just assumed he’d been ignored by Lewa0111 like what happens to me sometimes).

 

Whenua: Nah. I snuck off while you were all distracted by the game show. Nice job, by the way.

 

Matau: Thanks! :D

 

Whenua: Not you. Nokama.

 

Matau: :(

 

Whenua: So I time-comedy warp vortexed to the Archive of Deleted Lewa0111 Comedies and found this!

 

*Whenua holds up a weird-looking lever*

 

Other Matau: IMPOSSIBLE! The Script-Prose Conversion Lever!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

Pohatu: By the way, I--

 

Keelerak: Wrong comedy! *shoves Pohatu back into The Nuva Inn*

 

Lewa0111: Hey, Whenua? Can I visit the Archive of Deleted Lewa0111 Comedies? I could really use some of those lost chapters back!

 

Whenua: Sorry. Characters only. If you went in, you’d cause a universe-ending paradox.

 

*Two doctors walk in*

 

Whenua: :annoyed: “Paradox.” Not “Pair of Docs.”

 

Doctors: :( *they disappear*

 

Lewa0111: Well, that’s disappointing. You got me all excited for a minute.

 

Whenua: Sorry. I don’t make the rules.

 

Nokama: As for you, Mr. Faker...you said you hated the goofiness and random jokes in our show, preferring to do serious stuff like save the world? Well, we have the best punishment for you. Take it away, Lewa0111!

 

Lewa0111: Gladly! AUTHOR POWERS!

 

Other Matau: Wait, no, don’t--

 

*ZAP!*

 

Other Matau: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

*Everyone looks to see Other Matau has been transformed into the set version of his Turaga self, with a time-comedy vortex generator glued to his back*

 

Turaga Matau: Why am I so tiny? And what’s going--

 

Nokama: Cool! :br:

 

Turaga Matau: THAT’S MY LINE! DIE! *runs after her bonking her on the head with his staff*

 

Matau: That’s satisfying. He’s been turned into one of the same random jokes he hated so much.

 

Lewa0111: And it resolves the paradox of the Turaga Matau running joke, since “The Bionicles And Me” no longer exists! I love it when stuff like that works out.

 

Everyone: :???:

 

Lewa0111: Author stuff. You wouldn’t understand.

 

 

 

*Meanwhile, in a different comedy entirely…*

 

Some Character: Cool! :br:

 

Turaga Matau: THAT’S MY LINE! DIE!!

 

 

 

*Back in Ask Matau!...*

 

Nokama: Well, that’s over with.

 

Boggarak: Okay, can we take these weird costumes off now?

 

Lewa0111: I guess so. *the costumes disappear...except for Roporak’s, as he’s still trying to eat it*

 

Matau: I’m just glad we’re back to script. And that the faker’s gone.

 

Whenua: Solved the chapter after he was introduced? That’s got to be the shortest villain appearance ever. Bob the Pirate :giveup: lasted like a billion chapters!

 

Bob the Pirate: IT’S :pirate:!

 

Whenua: Wonder how we heard him from all the way in jail.

 

Matau: Who cares? I’ve solved the problem, the show’s back on, and it’s all thanks to my two second-favorite Toa! After myself, of course.

 

Nokama: Same old Matau...

 

Oohnorak: Wait, what about me?

 

Matau: You’re not a Toa.

 

Oohnorak: Yes I am! I’m the Toa of Spidery-ness, duh!

 

Matau: Uhh...no.

 

Oohnorak: Fine. I’ll show you! *plonks a Great Mask onto his face, but it falls off immediately*

 

Nokama: You make a great Visorak, but a lousy Toa. Just saying.

 

Oohnorak: Hmph. What do you guys know about being a Toa?

 

Whenua: ...um, everything? Since we are Toa?

 

Oohnorak: Whatever.

 

Matau: All that aside, can we finally start my show? Computer, how many messages?

 

Computer: yOu HaVe Q tUbAs. TuBa #dOg:

 

Deer autaM,

 

BLARGLGLARGL.

 

Fie, TaCoTuBa

Matau: :blink:

 

Whenua: Matau, the computer’s out of battery.

 

Matau: What? Why didn’t anyone charge it?

 

Keelerak: We did. But then the house had a power outage from that epic battle between the flying cheese monkeys and the super taco ninjas during your game show.

 

Matau: Oh yeah. That sure was epic, wasn’t it?

 

Nokama: And hilarious! But even better was my super water splash question.

 

Matau: Other Matau looked so dumb spluttering like a moron!

 

Nokama: ...So did you.

 

Matau: Oh yeah. But it was still funny!

 

Whenua: I sure hope the readers got to see the whole thing! It would really stink if it all got skipped over to cut back on length.

 

Lewa0111: Er...about that... :rolleyes:

 

Whenua, Matau, and Nokama: LEWA0111! :burnmad:

 

END

 

Nokama: Hey, that reminds me: we still need to find that flashback generator!

 

Matau: Hey, that reminds me: we still need to NOT find that flashback generator! I need to find it.

 

Nokama: You’re no fun.

 

Matau: I’m hilarious.

 

Nokama: Some things never change. *whispering* And somehow I don’t mind...

 

Matau: What was that?

 

Nokama: NOTHING! Nothing at all!

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 2,444 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

  • Upvote 1

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |

My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

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Already sent in a question, so hopefully that helps you out for the next chapter.

 

As for this latest installment, I really enjoyed it. I find it funny that the Other Matau wanted to be more serious, yet was willing to tap dance while covered in feathers and on fire. :P

 

I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :)


Everyone is one choice away from being the bad guy in another person's story.


 


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Oh my goodness

 

I stopped reading when you kinda left

 

And I come back to this incredible goldmine I was missing out on

 

 

10/10 IGN

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As for this latest installment, I really enjoyed it. I find it funny that the Other Matau wanted to be more serious, yet was willing to tap dance while covered in feathers and on fire.  :P

 

Well, if he didn't, then obviously he'd be outed as the FAKE Matau, and that would just ruin his schemes.  Besides, it's MATAU.  In a Lewa0111 Nuva comedy.  Of course he'll be innately silly.

 

Another fine job!  I'll try to think of some questions to send ya.

As for this latest installment, I really enjoyed it. I find it funny that the Other Matau wanted to be more serious, yet was willing to tap dance while covered in feathers and on fire.  :P


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Thanks to everyone who sent in questions! The more questions I get, the more frequently I can put out chapters, so keep ‘em coming!

 

 

 

Ask Matau!

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 28: Onewa’s Revenge

 

Matau: Hey, is that computer charged yet?

 

Nokama: Huh? Don’t look at me, how should I know?

 

Matau: Because you used it last! ...What were you doing on there, anyway?

 

Nokama: Oh, just updating my Maskbook profile with the latest pictures from that contest, of course. There were some pretty great ones!

 

Matau: Uhh...none of them were too embarrassing of me, were they, I hope?

 

Nokama: Of course not!

 

Matau: Phew.

 

Nokama: No worries, the only embarrassing pictures I took were all of Other Matau. See, there’s Other Matau drowning in 1-inch-deep puddles, Other Matau standing on his head and riverdancing around the room, Other Matau pouring ketchup on his head and singing “O Canada,” Other Matau--

 

Matau: Well, that’s good. So how do they know it’s Other Matau, and not me?

 

Nokama: ...

 

Matau: :bigeek: DELETE THOSE PICTURES NOW!!

 

Nokama: Too late! Already posted.

 

Matau: Now everyone’s gonna think those are of me!

 

Nokama: At least I didn’t post the ones I actually took of you! Those were even more embarrassing than Other Matau’s. For example, there’s one of you sucking your thumb and doing your best baby imitation, one of you pogo-bouncing through the roof while Roporak douses you in cheese, one of you holding an aardvark and a bottle of Thornax while wearing Whenua’s drills for a hat while you--

 

Matau: OOOOOOKAY THAT’S ENOUGH OF THAT! How about we start my show?

 

Nokama: Aww, you’re no fun.

 

*Matau and Nokama walk into the living room to see...*

 

Matau: Okay Vohtarak, you know the drill. Get off the computer.

 

Vohtarak: Actually, Whenua’s the one who knows the drill. Two of them, in fact.

 

Matau and Nokama: :glare:

 

Vohtarak: Oh come on, I’m hilarious!

 

Matau: Not really. Now move!

 

Vohtarak: Can’t.

 

Matau: Wanna bet? *holds up Aero Slicers*

 

Vohtarak: No, I mean I literally can’t move. I grafted myself to the computer desk so I could keep playing Hordika Spinner Challenge! This game’s so addicting!

 

Matau: You’re kidding me, right?

 

Vohtarak: Nope!

 

Nokama: *sighs* Anybody know any Toa of Iron around here that can un-graft him?

 

*Oohnorak suddenly swings into the room on a web*

 

Oohnorak: Never fear! I, Toa Oohnorak, Toa of Un-Grafting Visorak From Chairs, shall help you out!

 

Nokama: Umm...why are you wearing a cardboard cut-out of a very wide Kanohi Suletu?

 

Oohnorak: So I can read minds and find out where I’m most needed, duh.

 

Nokama: Sure you can.

 

Oohnorak: Anyway, watch this!

 

*Oohnorak pulls out a spray-can and sprays the computer chair with it, which starts dissolving out from under Vohtarak*

 

Vohtarak: Hey, don’t--OUCH!

 

Oohnorak: There! Vohtarak’s no longer grafted to the chair. That’ll be five widgets, please.

 

Matau: Fine, here you go. *gives Oohnorak the widgets*

 

Nokama: How’d you manage to dissolve a chair, anyway?

 

Oohnorak: I used my Toa powers, of course. Anyway, I’m off to do some Toa-ing somewhere else! Bye!

 

*Oohnorak web-swings away*

 

Vohtarak: Great. Now my butt hurts.

 

*Nokama picks up the discarded spray-can and reads the label*

 

Nokama: “Nuparu’s Patented Acidic Spray: Made with Real Lehvak Acid! Use For Dissolving Chairs That May Have Been Accidentally Grafted To Visorak Butts.” Huh. That’s oddly specific.

 

Matau: Explains Oohnorak’s “Toa powers” anyway. By the way, where’s Whenua?

 

Nokama: I’m not sure, actually. I think he’s in the basement.

 

Matau: He can join us later, then. How about we start the show?

 

Computer: Very well. Opening e-mail program now.

 

*Matau goes to sit at the computer and falls through the non-existent chair*

 

Matau: Ouch! Hey, where’d the chair go?

 

Nokama: Oohnorak dissolved it, remember?

 

Matau: You’re kidding me. I have to STAND?

 

Nokama: Or you could just, I don’t know, grab a chair from the other room. Y’know. Just a thought.

 

Matau: I can’t believe I have to stand. For my show. I always sit down at the computer, it’s a TRADITION!

 

Nokama: We do own more than one chair, you know.

 

Matau: This is all Oohnorak’s fault! And Vohtarak’s for grafting himself to the chair in the first place. And probably Onewa’s, too, somehow.

 

Nokama: We’ve got tons of chairs in the kitchen! Which is like a few feet away from you. It’s honestly not that hard.

 

Matau: This is ruining everything. Absolutely unfair. How dare they?

 

Nokama: Are you even listening to me?

 

Matau: Standing...grumble grumble...the nerve of those Visorak...

 

Nokama: Typical.

 

Matau: Alright, fine. *uses wind powers to blow the computer up to his standing height*

 

Nokama: You. Could. Have. Just. Gotten. A. Different. CHAIR!

 

Matau: Finally, let’s just start the show! Even if I do have to stand.

 

Nokama: :facepalm:

 

Matau: HELLO, BZ-NUI! Welcome to Ask Matau!, the show where you send me questions (and spam, and viruses, and threat mail, and hate messages, and mail that says "This is not spam.", and Literal Elemental Mail, and random flashbacks, and multi-part questions, and emoticon villains arguing, and mail calling me ugly, and extortion mail, and mail from other Lewa0111 comedies, and people stealing my DVD, and crazy crossovers, and messages about me becoming a Turaga for some reason, and food obsessions taken way too far, and love letters for Whenua, and fake Mataus) and I (and Nokama, and Whenua, and Lewa0111) answer them in hilarious ways!

 

Computer: You have an absurdly high number of new messages, most of which are some manner of spam.

 

Matau: Wow, that’s nice of you. Eddie, do your stuff.

 

Eddie the Spam Deleter: B-)

 

Computer: Spam deleted. You have 6 new messages.

 

 

 

Guess what, Matau?

 

Flashback generators sure are awesome, aren’t they? This one fell from the heavens like a gift from Mata-Nui himself. You should check out YouTahu.com, I’ve posted some…interesting...videos! Enjoy!

 

Onewa the Onewawesome

 

P.S. Consider this payback for that one-way trip to Pluto you gave me a few chapters ago.

Keelerak: “Onewawesome?” That physically hurt my brain to hear.

 

Matau: Tell me about it. Wait, where’d you come from?

 

Keelerak: I was in here the whole time. I’m just quiet.

 

Matau: Oh, okay.

 

Nokama: I think we know where the flashback generator went…

 

Matau: Joke’s on Onewa. I won’t be embarrassed because I just won’t go on YouTahu and watch them! Out of sight, out of mind! :D

 

Keelerak: But what if other people watch them?

 

Matau: Who would ever watch that, when there are so many better videos on YouTahu? Like videos of pet Muaka doing funny things? Or videos mashing up clips from TV shows? Or videos mashing up clips of pet Muaka doing funny things? Or clips from TV shows of videos? Or videos of clips from TV shows of pet Muaka mashing up clips of videos?

 

Nokama: Now I’m just confused.

 

Keelerak: You’re not the only one.

 

Matau: Whatever. I’m just gonna ignore you, Onewa! HA!

 

Computer: Message 2.

 

 

 

Dear Matau,

 

Is it true that Vakama blackjacked you during the Matoran Civil War? Onewa's just posted some rather... interesting depictions of a certain bludgeoned Le-Matoran.

 

An Onu-Matoran

Matau: Umm...what...how could anyone know this?

 

Nokama: *on a randomly appeared laptop* From this video: “Matau Gets Smacked By Vakama For 10 Minutes While I Play Unfitting Music” posted by “onewarockson.”

 

Matau: Let me see that! *grabs laptop*

 

Roporak: Hey Matau! Why didn’t you tell us you once wore a wheel of cheese on your head for a day for a bet? That looks hilarious! And delicious...

 

Suukorak: …

 

Suuorak’s Subtitles: {I like this video “Romance FAIL! Matau Asking Nokama Out Montage.” It’s five hours long, can you believe it?}

 

Whenua: I never knew you did ballet as a Matoran! That frilly dress looks hilarious on you. You should send it to Metru Nui’s Funniest Home Videos, you could make tons of money!

 

Vohtarak: There’s even a video of you from a few minutes ago falling on your butt! How’s that even possible?

 

Keelerak: “Matau Crashes A Sky Slicer Into Metru Nui,” “Matau’s Cloud-Cleaver Crashes Hilariously,” “Matau Fails To Fly Matau-Copter...” wait, you actually built a copter that looks like your own face? When was this?

 

Matau: :OMG: WOULD YOU ALL JUST STOP IT!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

Pohatu: By the way, I love this video that’s a musical montage of all the times you used exclamation points and question marks together!

 

Matau: Weird joke, wrong comedy, would you just get out of here? *shoves Pohatu back through time-comedy warp vortex*

 

Boggarak: Unfair. Videos of Matau are trending all over the NuiNet. Why do people watch this garbage?

 

Keelerak: I don’t believe it! The entire front page of YouTahu is covered in embarrassing Matau flashback videos.

 

Matau: UGH, STOP IT, NUINET! STOP IT, ONEWA!

 

Nokama: I hate to say “I told you so,” but...well, I did tell you so.

 

Matau: What are you talking about?

 

Nokama: If you’d just let me have the flashback generator, it wouldn’t have gone to Pluto, Onewa wouldn’t have gotten it, and you wouldn’t be in this mess.

 

Matau: I hate it when you’re right.

 

Computer: Now downloading every video posted in the last 24 hours by user “onewarockson” on YouTahu.com and saving them forever.

 

Matau: Okay, now you’re just doing that on purpose.

 

Computer: :D

 

Matau: Look, just post the next message already!

 

 

 

Dear Matau,

 

You Won’t BELIEVE What The Toa Metru Of Air Did! Check Out The Latest Video Today!

 

“Matau At The Restaurant: Choked By His Own Tie!”

Matau: Wow. First ever chapter of my show. Brings back memories...

 

Whenua: You’re not upset about this one?

 

Matau: Nah. We flashbacked to that exact scene already in my show, so it’s already been visible for years on TV. Not sure why Onewa posted that.

 

Keelerak: If I had to guess, it’s because he’s already proven himself to be an even bigger moron than you.

 

Matau: Exactly! ...Wait.

 

Nokama: Regardless, we can’t do anything about this right now. You should keep going and ignore Onewa. He wants you to get mad at him!

 

Matau: Good idea! Thanks, beautiful!

 

*SLAP!*

 

Boggarak: Well, that was predictable.

 

Matau: Whatever. Computer, just post the next messssage!

 

Computer: Messssage 3.

 

 

 

Hissssssssssssssssssssss hisssss hisssssssssss hisssy hisssss!

 

Hissily,

Random Bog Snake #35

Matau: :blink:

 

Computer: You did say “Messssage,” not “Message.”

 

Matau: Oh. You know what I meant!

 

Computer: True, but this was funnier.

 

Matau: Do you want me to replace you with a Bula computer instead?

 

Computer: :fear:

 

Matau: That’s what I thought. Display next MESSAGE.

 

 

 

Dear Matau,

 

What would you do if someone knocked on your front door, you answered it, and found Justin Bieber at your doorstep, just quietly staring back at you?

 

From,

Justin Bieber

Matau: Who the Karzahni is Justin Bieber?

 

Nokama: I don’t know. But he sounds cute!

 

Matau: In that case, I’d punch him in the face so he stops being cute. No one’s allowed to be more attractive than me! Also, I don’t like his name, so I’d make him legally change it to...umm...Dust-bin...Jeepers. Yeah! Dust-bin Jeepers!

 

Nokama: Now that just sounds like the name of a janitor.

 

Matau: Maybe he is a janitor! I mean, it could happen.

 

Nokama: Maybe. I kind of want to go find out who he is, though.

 

Matau: Me too. So I can confirm if he’s really an ugly janitor. I hope so!

 

Nokama: You’re so vain.

 

Matau: Thanks! I think?

 

Nokama, Whenua, and All Visorak: :superfunny:

 

Matau: ...What?

 

Computer: Next message.

 

 

 

Dear Matau:

 

 

What is your favorite television show? (Besides Matau the Awesome!, Matau's Great Adventure, and Late Night with Toa Matau, Toa-Hero!)

 

Toa Railblazer

Matau: Oh, come on! You just eliminated my top three favorite shows. Not counting Ask Matau!, of course. I’d have to say Bionicle 4.5: Matau Is The Coolest.

 

Keelerak: Umm, Matau? That’s a movie. Not a TV show.

 

Matau: But one time they showed it on TV, and split it into multiple parts to fit it into the time slot. So it counts, right?

 

Keelerak: :uhuh:

 

Matau: :(

 

Nokama: Aren’t there any shows you like that don’t have you in them?

 

Matau: Why would I watch those? They’re boring.

 

Nokama: So anything without you in it is boring?

 

Matau: Well, yeah, obviously. Oh wait!

 

Nokama: You thought of a show without you in it that you like?

 

Matau: No, that’s ridiculous. I thought of another show about me that isn’t on the list! “Matau’s Hangar,” where I show off all my awesome vehicles and piloting skills.

 

Boggarak: What piloting skills? The ones where you crash constantly?

 

Matau: Nope, no way, what are you talking about? I’ve never crashed. Ever. Never ever.

 

Boggarak: These dozens of videos on YouTahu with millions of views beg to differ.

 

Matau: CURSE YOU, ONEWA!

 

Computer: Next message.

 

 

 

Hey Matau,

 

You've been gone for a long time. So long, in fact, that you are not relevant to the existence of everyone as a whole. Is there anything you can do to fix this? Or will you go ahead and fade into nothing but memories of the past, as everyone eventually does?

 

From, you know who.

Matau: Let me guess. Bob the Pirate? Voldemort? Bob the Voldemort? Maybe the Other Matau, Onewa, somebody else who’s weird for the sake of messing with my mind? I’m not falling for this.

 

Keelerak: Actually, whoever wrote this has a point. Or, rather, had a point.

 

Matau: You’re taking their side?

 

Keelerak: Calm down, Matau! I’m just saying.

 

Suukorak: ...

 

Suukorak’s Subtitles: {I think I see what you mean, Keelerak. You might have been fading away since you’ve been gone, but not anymore. Thanks to Onewa, ironically enough.}

 

Whenua: Good point! Yeah, I think all those embarrassing videos of you are a good thing!

 

Matau: Why would me being embarrassed all over the NuiNet be a good thing?

 

Whenua: Because you’re relevant again. Look how many views you’re getting! People are watching you! Even if they are embarrassing videos...they’re still videos of you.

 

Matau: Oh yeah. You’re right! Millions of people all over the Matoran Universe are watching ME! And why wouldn’t they? No matter what I’m doing, I’m still the awesomest Toa-Hero who ever lived. Thanks, guys!

 

Keelerak: Anytime.

 

Whenua: What are friends for?

 

Nokama: *whispering* Whenua? Was it really a good idea to give him an even more inflated ego?

 

Whenua: *whispering* He may get annoying at times, but we’re still his friends. And if anybody’s going to find embarrassing flashbacks about him to post on TV, it should be us.

 

Nokama: *shrugs*

 

Matau: You know what? I’ve got something to say to Onewa.

 

Boggarak: Literal Air Mail. Of course. How predictable.

 

Matau: Actually, no. No literal mail of any kind this time. I’ve got something even better!

 

Boggarak: :o

 

Matau: Computer, let’s compose a message...

 

 

 

*Meanwhile, at Onewa’s house*

 

Onewa’s Computer: You’ve got mail!

 

Onewa: Ha. Is it fan mail from my YouTahu account? I still haven’t heard anything from the viewers.

 

Onewa’s Computer: Displaying message.

 

 

 

Dear Onewa,

 

I just wanted to thank you for posting all of those videos of me! Do you have any idea how many flashbacks I have in that generator? Would’ve taken me forever to find and post all the funniest ones. Now I have more fans than ever! And it’s all thanks to you. :)

 

Your friend,

Matau Metru

Onewa: What the--? How can--what is--I don’t--Marka said--penguin land--banana boat--ARRRGH! ASLKDJFLAWIJETROISJDLRKJGSIJROGIJAOJPWERJ! PLANS! RUINED! HOW! EGO! VIDEOS! FLASHBACK! DONE! COW! PICKLE! PIE! FSHJIFSOIJOIEJRXTDJX SUDHGOAIORTE HUSAFIJASOTIJ AUSHFOAIUOIA AUEFKJAEUFXSG SNVJNEIKWI~!

 

Onewa’s Computer: ...Did you just pronounce a bunch of randomly mashed keys out loud?

 

Onewa: Maybe.

 

Onewa’s Computer: Okay then.

 

Onewa: Fine, you irritating Toa of Wind! Take it! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *chucks flashback generator halfway across Metru Nui to land in Matau’s house*

 

 

 

*Back in Matau’s house*

 

*CRASH!*

 

Nokama: Huh. There’s the flashback generator.

 

Matau: Yoink! I’ll take that, thank you very much. Thanks, Onewa!

 

Whenua: Now what are you going to do?

 

Nokama: I’m curious. That was a very...oddly mature response for your standards.

 

Matau: Thanks! Wait, what do you mean “oddly?” I’m always mature!

 

Nokama: :rolleyes: Sure you are.

 

Matau: I’m going to use this, of course. I want to watch Onewa’s reaction to that message...again...again...and again...and again...and again...

 

Nokama: There’s the Matau we all know and love, er, tolerate.

 

Oohnorak: Hey Matau, can I borrow that when you’re done?

 

Matau: Sure, why?

 

Oohnorak: I want to be popular on YouTahu too! I’m gonna find all of my most embarrassing moments and post them.

 

Keelerak: Me too!

 

Vohtarak: Can I go after him?

 

Matau: I’m gonna have to make a sign-in tablet. But we can worry about that later. I’ve got a show to finish!

 

Computer: You have one more message remaining.

 

Matau: Ooh, I bet it’s gonna be a good one!

 

Computer: Displaying now:

 

 

 

How do you type with boxing gloves on?

Everyone: :mellow:

 

Matau: Nonsense. No sender. Pure gibberish. And short. Delete please!

 

Computer: BRAAMP! Deleted!

 

Matau: ...That last question was oddly anticlimactic.

 

Nokama: Yeah, kinda was. Are you sure you don’t want a chair, by the way?

 

Matau: Are you kidding me? You waited until NOW to offer me a new chair?

 

Nokama: :facepalm:

 

Oohnorak: Hey Roporak, wanna make some cheese webbing outside and get stuck in it? I bet it’ll be an awesome video to post!

 

Roporak: CHEESE!

 

Oohnorak: ...I’ll take that as a “yes.”

 

Matau: Nokama, want to go out with the latest NuiNet star? By which I mean me, of course, and--

 

*SLAP!*

 

Vohtarak: Anyone got any acid-spray-proof chairs? I’ve got to get back to Spinner Challenge!

 

Suukorak: ...

 

Boggarak: Typical. We’re all so quick to devolve into our stereotypes again.

 

Keelerak: You’re one to talk. First word out of your mouth after the show and it’s you being cynical as always.

 

Boggarak: D’oh! You’re right!

 

END

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 3,001 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva
  • Upvote 1

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |

My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

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Another great chapter. The bit with Nokama offering Matau a chair was funny. :P

 

I see that you need more questions for the next chapter. I think I can think of some to send.


Everyone is one choice away from being the bad guy in another person's story.


 


pc0lX6T.png

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Just goes to show you, watch what you post on the internet!  You might regret it!  Or...not...well, so much for that aesop...


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Hi-ho, hi-ho, writing chapters again I go!

 

 

 

Ask Matau!

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Chapter 29: Very Vital Vahki Victory

 

Matau: HELLO, BZ-NUI! Welcome to Ask Matau!, the show where you send me questions (and spam, and viruses, and threat mail, and hate messages, and mail that says "This is not spam.", and Literal Elemental Mail, and random flashbacks, and multi-part questions, and emoticon villains arguing, and mail calling me ugly, and extortion mail, and mail from other Lewa0111 comedies, and people stealing my DVD, and crazy crossovers, and messages about me becoming a Turaga for some reason, and food obsessions taken way too far, and love letters for Whenua, and fake Mataus, and hilariously embarrassing YouTahu videos) and I (and Nokama, and Whenua, and Lewa0111) answer them in hilarious ways!

 

Nokama: Wow, jumping right in this time, I see.

 

Matau: Yep! Will you go out with me now?

 

Nokama: NO! *SLAP!*

 

Whenua: Jumping right in with the daily slapping routine too, apparently.

 

Matau: Aww...why didn’t it work? I heard being on time for things is attractive!

 

Nokama: Well, it’s a start. But you’ll have to do more than just that.

 

Matau: Oww. Darn. I really thought that would work! That’s the last time I go to “atukaM’s Relationship Advice Booth” for help.

 

Whenua: And that’s the last time I lend you W10 to pay for said advice booth.

 

Nokama: *sighs* Guys.

 

Matau: Whatever, let’s just start the show. I’ll think of a better way to ask Nokama out later!

 

Nokama: I’m...standing right here, you know that, right?

 

Matau: Potatoes.

 

Nokama: :blink:

 

*After that random utterance, the three Toa walk into the computer room*

 

Vohtarak: Oh, come on, NOW? I’m busy! Come back later!

 

Matau: No, we will not. Do you have any idea how long it’s been since we did a chapter last?

 

Vohtarak: Uhh...yesterday?

 

Matau, Nokama, and Whenua: NEARLY TWO MONTHS!!

 

Vohtarak: :mellow: Wait, really? I mean...still, that IS an improvement by our usual standards...

 

Matau: Yes, really. Now get off.

 

Vohtarak: Make me.

 

Matau: :evilgrin: Gladly!

 

Vohtarak: Oh no--

 

*Matau picks up Vohtarak in a tornado and sends him flying out the window*

 

Whenua: You’d think he’d learn by now to just shut up and get out of the way. What was he playing this time, anyway?

 

Nokama: Hmm, looks like Piraka Attack. Guess he got bored of Spinner Challenge.

 

Matau: Who cares? He’s doing something other than leaving so I can do my show. *spins chair casually and tries to sit in it*

 

*CRASH!*

 

Matau: Oww. That didn’t work.

 

Nokama: What exactly were you trying to do?

 

Whenua: At a guess? Impress you.

 

Nokama: *sighs* Probably.

 

*Matau gets back into the chair*

 

Matau: I hope nobody saw that.

 

Nuju *all the way from the other side of Metru Nui*: I DID!

 

Matau: Shut up, Nuju! Anyway, let’s start up the old Eddie the Spam Deleter and get to work!

 

Eddie: Hey, I’m not old!

 

Whenua: Wait, Eddie can talk?

 

Eddie: Uhh...no I can’t! Wait, I mean: B-)

 

Matau: Glad that’s done. Computer, how many messages today?

 

Computer: You have negative four messages.

 

Matau: Huh. Never knew you could have negative messages. Okay, first...negative...not...uh, “first negative message?”

 

Matau,

 

I hate you. I hate Metru Nui. I hate everything. It’s all my fault that I hate you. The sun is boring. The earth is boring. Metru Nui is boring. It’s all my fault. Everything is negative today.

 

From, Negative Vakama

Matau: Why wasn’t this deleted?

 

Computer: You did ask for a “negative message.” So there you go! Wasn’t that negative enough for you?

 

Matau: That’s not what I meant!

 

Whenua: Why don’t we try “negative first message?”

 

Matau: Guess it’s worth a try! Computer, negative first message?

 

Hi Matau,

 

More Author Mail, coming your way!

 

From, Lewa0111

[Attached file: C/Users/greatauthorbeing/Program Files/AuthorMailDeluxe/authormail.exe]

*The Toa wait expectantly while...nothing happens*

 

Matau: Hey! Where’s the random effect? Isn’t Author Mail supposed to do something random?

 

Nokama: Beats me.

 

*An eggbeater appears and beats her*

 

Nokama: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT!

 

Whenua: Maybe that was the random effect?

 

*Keelerak wanders in*

 

Keelerak: Hey guys. And girl. What did I miss?

 

Matau: I got a defective Author Mail! It didn’t do anything random!

 

Keelerak: Looks like you have negative messages. That’s pretty random.

 

Matau: :o

 

Whenua: He’s right! That’s probably from the Author Mail!

 

Matau: Not quite as exciting as the lightsaber-throwing chicken, but eh.

 

Hockeymoose, Toa of Canada: We have that word copyrighted, don’t you know, eh?

 

Matau, Nokama, Whenua, and Keelerak: :blink:

 

Keelerak: Where’d you come from?

 

Hockeymoose: I heard you say ‘eh,’ so I appeared. Pay me W20,000 for copyright fees, eh!

 

Matau: Eh, no thanks.

 

Hockeymoose: Make that W40,000, eh?

 

Matau: Eh, might want to look behind you, eh.

 

Hockeymoose: Make that--wait, what’s--?

 

Keetongu: I HAVE COPYRIGHTING COPYRIGHTED!

 

*Keetongu chases Hockeymoose out of Matau’s house*

 

Nokama: Well. That was a thing that happened.

 

Whenua: I’m not sure whether the negative messages, the eggbeater, or Hockeymoose was due to the Author Mail.

 

Matau: Ooh, maybe it was ALL OF THEM! :D

 

Boggarak: What was that all about?

 

Matau: I got an awesome Author Mail! First it gave me negative messages, then it made an eggbeater appear out of nowhere when Nokama said “Beats me,” and then a Toa of Canada appeared and got chased around by Keetongu!

 

Boggarak: Groan. Author Mail’s still a thing?

 

Whenua: Apparently so.

 

Keelerak: And he’s doing a chapter, too! Why don’t you let the others know, actually. It’s been a while!

 

Boggarak: Ugh. Fine.

 

*Boggarak leaves*

 

Matau: You know who’d probably enjoy that “negative message” from the beginning of the chapter? Boggarak.

 

Keelerak: You’re probably not wrong, actually.

 

*Boggarak comes back in with Suukorak and Oohnorak in tow*

 

Oohnorak: Was the tow truck really necessary? I can walk, you know.

 

Boggarak: Apparently I’ve now been reduced to being random for the sake of puns. Joy.

 

*Joy from Inside Out appears*

 

Joy: Somebody call me?

 

Boggarak: No.

 

Joy: Aww. Too bad! *leaves*

 

Matau: Even more Author Mail effects! YES!

 

Keelerak: That would explain the excess of randomness this chapter.

 

Oohnorak: Darn, why don’t I ever get Author Mail?

 

Matau: Maybe it’s because you don’t have a computer. Just a thought.

 

Oohnorak: Oh. Right.

 

Matau: Well, now that everyone’s here, let’s continue! ...Wait, what about Roporak?

 

Boggarak: He’s...coming.

 

Whenua: What do you--

 

*Roporak bungees in from the ceiling on a rope made of string cheese*

 

Roporak: CHEE--

 

*The rope breaks and he splats on top of Boggarak*

 

Boggarak: GET OFF.

 

Roporak: No thanks. CHEESE!

 

Matau: Oh. There he is! Alright Computer, next message!

 

Who do you think takes more risks lewa or matau when he was a toa?

Matau: Glad it’s a halfway-decent question, though I don’t get why everyone’s allergic to signing their names.

 

Everyone: *appears out of nowhere* I’m not allergic to signing my name! I’m just allergic to pickles, overripe Thornax, and riverdancing tubas from Mars while in the Coliseum on Tuesday afternoons at 3:29 PM during the month of December!

 

Matau: Wow, how’d you ever find out about that last one?

 

Everyone: It’s a long story.

 

*He vanishes*

 

Matau: Okay, with that over with: as for this question, I’d say this “Lewa,” whoever they are. I never take risks, ever! I’m the most awesome and perfect Toa-Hero who ever lived!

 

Nokama: You do risky things all the time! All those stunts in the Moto-Hub, your crazy flying skills (or lack thereof), going on long quests over a DVD...

 

Matau: It’s not a risk if I know I’ll succeed!

 

Nokama: You hardly ever succeed.

 

Matau: False.

 

Boggarak: She’s right. There’s plenty of YouTahu videos that prove otherwise.

 

Matau: Those? Oh, well, failing on PURPOSE doesn’t count. I totally did all that intentionally so I’d be Internet famous.

 

Whenua: But most of those were made before Onewa put them on YouTahu in the first place.

 

Matau: LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU LET’S MOVE ON TO THE NEXT QUESTION!

 

From: underthewater.plottingrevenge25@NuiMail.com

 

Hello Matau,

My name is Tyrant.

Your father (sort-of) killed me.

Prepare to die. ​

 

(Here is a link to an extremely useful site so you can get Nokama fall in love with you for your last hours alive)

 

[Attached file: C/Users/tallredandtyrannical/Program Files/LiteralPowersVista/literalenormousheatblastmail.exe]

Whenua: Umm, what’s a “father?”

 

Keelerak: Good question.

 

Matau: Wait, what’s this? “Get Nokama to fall in love with me?” Cool!

 

Whenua: First of all, they’re missing the “to,” and secondly, he didn’t even read the rest of it, did he?

 

Suukorak: ...

 

Suukorak’s Subtitles: {He never reads anything. Like my subtitles. MATAU, STOP!}

 

Matau: I think I’ll click on it!

 

Suukorak: ...

 

Suukorak’s Subtitles: {See? Didn’t even notice.}

 

Nokama: I’m not worried.

 

Boggarak: You should be.

 

Nokama: Just wait and see!

 

Matau: I’m gonna click it! *clicks link*

 

VirusVahki9000: :alert: ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT! :alert: MALICIOUS PROGRAM DETECTED! NOW DELETING!

 

Computer: BRAAMP! Deleted!

 

Matau: What? NO! I WAS GONNA USE THAT TO ASK NOKAMA OUT, YOU STUPID PROGRAM! Who installed that thing, anyway?

 

Nokama: :rolleyes:

 

Whenua: That program just saved your life. That was Literal Mail.

 

Matau: No it wasn’t! How could Literal Mail help Nokama fall in love with me? There’s no such thing as Literal Valentine Mail.

 

Oohnorak: Yeah, right!

 

Matau: Believe me, I’ve checked. EVERYWHERE.

 

Oohnorak: Wait, there’s not? Aww.

 

Keelerak: :huh: What were you gonna use it for?

 

Oohnorak: To get lots of fangirls, of course! Everyone knows awesome people are famous. And famous people have fangirls. So it also goes in reverse!

 

Keelerak: That’s not at ALL how logic works.

 

Oohnorak: Stop ruining my big dreams!

 

Whenua: I’m just surprised someone wants revenge on Matau. Haven’t seen that in a while.

 

Matau: What are you talking about? Who wants revenge on me?

 

Whenua: This “Tyrant” person who sent you the message.

 

Matau: If he wanted revenge on me, why would he help me get Nokama to fall in love with me?

 

Nokama, Whenua, and All Visorak: *facepalm*

 

Boggarak: Every time I think he can’t get any stupider, he continues to surprise me.

 

Matau: Can we please focus on what’s most important here? Me?

 

Oohnorak: I thought that was me!

 

Keelerak: You’re both egotistical, arrogant, and annoying. There. Computer, next message.

 

Matau: Thanks, I think?

 

Dear Matau,

 

Would you please go outside to your front yard and scream as loud as you can so that I can call the police and have arrested for causing a disturbance? I would really appreciate it.

 

From,

 

Your annoyed next door neighbor

 

Matau: Oh, come on, even I’m not that stupid. Who’s my next-door neighbor, anyway? I think they should get some Literal Mail for this.

 

Nokama: Wait, I never sent this!

 

Matau: Were you supposed to?

 

Nokama: Well, I’m the only person who lives next door.

 

Keelerak: Huh. She’s right. On one side is Nokama’s house, and the other side is a Bionicle Online Game Cafe.

 

Whenua: Wait, really? So why don’t we just send Vohtarak there every time instead of going through all the tornado-blowing shenanigans every chapter?

 

Suukorak: ...

 

Suukorak’s Subtitles: {Dunno. Guess nobody ever asked about it before.}

 

Nokama: So who sent this message, if it wasn’t me?

 

Matau: Nokama’s my next-door neighbor, of course! Never mind, this message makes perfect sense. I’m gonna go do this right now!

 

Nokama: Wait, Matau, don’t--

 

*Matau sprints out the door*

 

Boggarak: Too late.

 

Matau, from outside: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I’M THE MOST AWESOME TOA-HERO WHO EVER LIVED!! I AM THE BEST EVER! WHEE THIS IS A DISTURBANCE PLEASE NOKAMA GO OUT WITH ME!

 

Nokama: :annoyed:

 

*A bunch of Vahki sirens are heard as a squad of Vorzakh arrives*

 

Keelerak: I have to wonder exactly what he expected.

 

Nokama: Me to suddenly fall in love with him, apparently. Despite the fact that I never sent that message.

 

*Matau suddenly gets chucked back into the house*

 

Matau: Whoa! What just happened? Oh, hey, Nokama. Let’s say you and I go out on a--

 

*SLAP!*

 

Matau: --date?

 

Boggarak: They sent him back. Didn’t see that coming.

 

Matau: I just told them how awesome I was and that I’m Toa Matau, and they immediately released me. I call that a very vital Vahki victory!

 

Oohnorak: Hey, that’s the name of this chapter!

 

Everyone Except Oohnorak and Whenua: Huh?

 

Oohnorak: Never mind.

 

Nokama: You know, something tells me what really happened is that Matau annoyed the Vahki so much they didn’t want to be stuck listening to him. So they sent him back.

 

Matau: I’m not annoying! That’s not true at all!

 

Nokama: Uh-huh...

 

Matau: Is that all the questions, by the way?

 

Whenua: *shrugs* Guess so. Time to call it a day?

 

Matau: Until next time, of course!

 

Mr. Potato Head: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

 

The Fiftieth Penguin: BONGE-SPOB PARE-SQUANTS!

 

*The two random characters do the can-can while Toa Hockeymoose returns and starts doing cartwheels around the room*

 

Toa Hockeymoose: :flagcanada:

 

Lewa0111: Surprise, delayed-reaction Author Mail!

 

Nokama: I think I’ll just...go home to...iron my...flippers.

 

Whenua: And I need to go and...archive the...umm...Archives.

 

*They both leave as the randomness continues*

 

END

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 2,233 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

P.S. Keep sending in those questions! The more, the merrier!


My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |

My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

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Even the Vahki don't want to deal with Matau's craziness. :P

 

This was another fun chapter. I just got remember to send in more questions. I kept forgetting to do so before.


Everyone is one choice away from being the bad guy in another person's story.


 


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