The Adventurer's Guide to Mata Nui
The Adventurer's Guide to Mata Nui's article on itself states that it is a collection of articles on different places, people, and objects in the Mata Nui robot, as well as a guide to see the wonders of the robot for less than 30 widgets a day. It also says that you should go to your local bookstore and buy one now, instead of the Encyclopedia Mata.
One wonders why it says this, as you can only read this article if you've bought one. Unless you have a penchant for being chased out of bookstores by Matoran yelling “THIS IS NOT A LIBRARY!”, in which case you need serious help, and you should check the article titled “Psychiatrists”.
One of the most remarkable things about the Guide, and one of its major selling points, is DON'T FREAK OUT, written in large, friendly letters on the cover. One of the few good pieces of advice most see during their daily lives, it comforts more than all the articles in the Encyclopedia on ash bears put together.
The Guide has this to say on ash bears:
Getting thrashed by an ash bear is much like downing a Muaka's Bane from Tomar's bar in Ta-Koro. You don't smell good, feel good, or look good in the morning. They can be avoided by staying out of their territory, which is marked by an angry, 3 bio tall bear.
The Guide goes on to say that instead of roaming the dangerous forests of Le-Wahi, you should go to Tomar's and have a Muaka's Bane. Same result, but much more enjoyable in the meantime, as well as very reasonably priced. The Encyclopedia, in a long series of articles, states the feeding habits of Ash Bears, mating habits, and overall nothing of use to any but an Archivist. The Guide's note on the Encyclopedia is:
An exhaustive compilation of useless information gathered by a bunch of ninnies who are only good for stealing money from more worthy publications and feeding to your pet ash bear.
Oddly enough, the Encyclopedia stated the same thing about the Guide. Until it was conclusively proved that going to Tomar's saves lives. The Guide won the following copyright lawsuit, and now enjoys the ability to legally put copies of their book on top of the Encyclopedia on store shelves.
This tiny tidbit of extra rights after such an expensive battle has been taken by many to prove the uselessness of existence, and that everyone should just run into the forest and hang upside down.
The rate of lunacy, suicide and people lost to Ash Bears has been raised tremendously. Strangely, so has the number of customers at Tomar's.
Final word count: 456
So yeah. The actual story will begin next chapter, this is an introductory post.
I might have guest stars once the story gets going, but currently you can suggest articles for me to work in.
Comments and constructive criticism appreciated!