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Dancing With Shadows

Ambage Write Off

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#1 Offline Takuaka: Toa of Time

Takuaka: Toa of Time
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Posted Dec 16 2012 - 10:45 PM

Noticing a news article for an Ambage writing contest right after joining, I gave it some thought, and realized I had a good idea to go with the theme. Or good-ish, at least. lol Anyway, so here's a short story I wrote for the Ambage Fortnightly Flash Fiction Contest.

 

 

 

Dancing With Shadows

 

 

I moved stealthily through a dark aisle in a warehouse. Where is my quarry? I wondered. This was the right place. But where is she...?

 

It all started two days ago. I'd gotten a call from Headquarters saying they had tracked her down. She was going to meet with some criminal colleagues in a warehouse not far from my vacation spot.

 

Doesn't it just figure? I remember thinking. Take a vacation and she shows up nearby. Typical.

 

Why had it taken me two days to get to the warehouse? That's a story for another time. Let's just say it involved an ice-cream truck and a group of enraged monkeys and leave it at that.

 

So here I was, sneaking around in a warehouse, once again putting myself in mortal danger, searching for her, when I was supposed to be enjoying my vacation.

 

Suddenly I saw a figure pass into the aisle ahead of me. There! I followed. Stealthily I strove to gain ground, not making a sound.

 

Suddenly the figure dashed ahead. How had she heard me? I cursed my luck as I charged forward. Reaching the point from which she'd taken off, I angrily smashed in a small mirror with my elbow.

 

I was a little faster than her, and steadily gained ground. I have to reach her before her friends arrive! If they're not here already...

 

Suddenly she made a brilliant leap and grabbed a shelf, gracefully hauling herself to the top of the shelving unit. I followed, albeit a bit more clumsily. She'd already leapt to the next unit. As I leaped after her, she was already on her way to the next. As this continued, I realized I wasn't gaining ground anymore. Frustrated, I grabbed a small box from the shelves and flung it at her. My aim was true, but the missle was intercepted by a flying kick, the scattered remains raining to the floor.

 

I re-doubled my efforts, and was pleased to find after a few leaps that I was gaining. Then she stopped, turned, and smiled at me. Inwardly I sighed. And now, as usual, begins round two...

 

I landed by her side and we began to exchange blows, each of us displaying masterful skill in the martial art. Mind you, hers was always more agile and graceful than my heavy-handed form. But she was never as strong as me.

 

I remember the days we had trained together... So long ago, in that old monastery, deep in the Outback of the Down Under. Long, long ago... Before she'd turned to a life of crime and helped to have the monastery burned. I'd never understood it.

 

"Still haven't lost it", was my incendiary remark.

 

"Doing fine yourself", she retorted.

 

We moved through form after form, exchanging blow after blow, neither tiring, neither landing any major strikes, though by now my lip was bleeding, and her leg now bore a welt.

 

Trouble was we knew one another's styles too well. We knew what the other would do before the other did it. Compounding the problem, for me, was that I was the best at dealing with her. Headquarters had tried sending others, but those attempts had always... Failed. Now they always insisted on me.

 

But we always mirror each other perfectly. It was a complicated and deadly game we played. Skill didn't matter. The only way to win was through the spontaneous unorthodox.

 

Should've seen that coming. Instead of blocking my blow, she let it land and put in one of her own in the same moment. It didn't hit me hard, but it put me off balance, and in the worst of timing, when I was already on the edge of the shelf structure.

 

I fell into empty space. The air whipped through my ears. Then an idea occurred to me. I wasn't sure it would work, but I was desperate...

 

I grabbed a shelf so that my body curved toward the center structure, and slammed my feet into it. Two things happened at once. The structure shook, toppling her off balance. Then the entire unit began to tilt over, to her surprise as well as mine. I managed to leap clear and find my footing on the floor, whereas she toppled painfully down to it.

 

I was upon her in an instant, and I could tell she was physically beaten.

 

She laughed, then glared at me furiously. "Finish it, then", she snarled.

 

I glared down at her furiously, prepared to deliver. But in that moment, I couldn't help remembering the last time we'd fought...

 

It had been two months before. Similar situation. She was up to no good, I was sent in to stop her. Only that time, she'd beaten me. But just before landing the final blow, something had come over her... And she'd let me live.

 

I took two steps back and glared. "Your mission has failed. And our debt is settled."

 

She looked surprised for but an instant, then winked and smiled. Then she was gone.

 

I stared at the floor in fury. How long can this go on...? She, worming her way around in my heart...

 

I heard footsteps behind me. Her friends were here. Good, I thought. I could use some exercise about now...

 

 

 

Well, I hope you enjoyed Dancing With Shadows. Constructive criticism, comments, etc. are of course more than welcome. :) 


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This is where I'm supposed to have a signature, right? Alright, then.


Timaka: Toa of Time


I have very neat hand-writing.


#2 Offline The Lord Of Wednesday

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Posted Jan 12 2013 - 11:53 PM

[color=#008000;]This is the official SSCC review of Dancing With Shadows by Takuaka: Toa of Time (Review by The Oneiromancer).[/color]

 
[color=#008000;]In terms of grammar and flow, as completely expected with anyone who has read my reviews, I did not find any real problems with either.[/color]
 
[color=#008000;]In terms of story, I would have liked to hear more about their backstories then was provided. It does mention that they seem to have some romantic tension, but I do think that the story could be better if such details about their past were included. [/color]
 
[color=#008000;]I will say that the fight scenes were pretty nicely described[/color]
 
[color=#008000;]Anyway, it was nice, thank you for choosing the SSCC and we hope to hear from you in the future.[/color]

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Divinator of Dreams.
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#3 Offline SkyLandOceAnna

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Posted Jan 15 2013 - 05:56 PM

I agree with Oneiromancer. I think a background story would've been good placed in your story. Maybe you could continue on with the story and add a little background with another meeting point of theirs in the future. You could also explain the mission that was unsuccessful. I am curious as to what her mission was this time, but otherwise I did like the story, and the title was a good decision. Thank you!


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Wordsmith <3


#4 Offline Takuaka: Toa of Time

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Posted Jan 15 2013 - 06:11 PM

Well, thanks for the review, Oneiromancer. :)

 

Nice to hear I passed the grammar test. And it's nice to know you think the pacing and fight description worked well.

 

I see what you mean about their past, though. Their story is supposed to be somewhat mysterious, part of that being I didn't even give them names, but perhaps I could have given a bit more detail about their past romantic ties.

 

This is actually a bit of a play on a little fantasy-story-thing I've had for years. Who knows, I may write more about them at some point.

 

Thank you for the review, and I think I'll be visiting the SSCC again at some point. :)

 

EDIT: Oh, sorry, didn't see you at first, SkyLand. Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I don't think I really knew for certain myself what her mission here was, but I seem to remember it was supposed to be a pick-up of some kind. Who knows, maybe that detail will be relevant in the future... :P


Edited by Takuaka: Toa of Time, Jan 15 2013 - 07:08 PM.

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This is where I'm supposed to have a signature, right? Alright, then.


Timaka: Toa of Time


I have very neat hand-writing.





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