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Reveiw For Fear


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3 replies to this topic

#1 Offline spyder ryder

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Posted Oct 16 2011 - 02:12 AM

This is the reveiw topic for Fear. I should probably say that this was greatly inspired by Clive Barker's Rawhead Rex. I would be very thankful if someone would reveiw it.http://www.bzpower.com/board/index.php?showtopic=803

Edited by spyder ryder, Oct 16 2011 - 02:16 AM.

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#2 Offline Cederak

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Posted Oct 20 2011 - 09:07 PM

So far, your epic seems to be following Clive Barker's story pretty closely. I'd like to hope that was more of a jumping-off point, rather than see this become a simple reimagining that uses Bionicle characters. Guess I'll have to see. First things first.

"Installing fear in your followers is truly a wonder to behold.

I think you want "instilling." Minor issue, I know. Second, that elementary school "I before E" rule plays into the word "review." Another minor issue, but an invaluable lesson to keep in mind. Looking at the story, I can't say a whole lot. For the time being, you're essentially duplicating an existing work and tossing it into the Bionicle universe. So I'll talk about the characters instead. Roodaka is...close. She always gave me that "I-know-something-you-don't know" feel, and here, she seems to be playing things pretty straightforward. Though, I could be entirely wrong and she could have something up her sleeve anyway. As for Nektann, I like him. He feels a little one-dimensional, but his warlord-iness (made-up word for you) feels genuine. Irnakk, however, is another story. I get that you're staying fairly true to your "inspiration" material, but there's an expectation I have of Irnakk after reading BL5: Inferno. He isn't just this merciless, ferocious, monster. He is intelligent, thoughtful, and rational in his own way. Don't be afraid to give him a voice down the road. Structurally, this is a good story. Description is solid, grammar is fine. Stay away from making a carbon copy of the source material that adds Bionicle characters and you could have an excellent epic here when you're done. -Ced

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#3 Offline L'Etranger

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Posted Nov 17 2011 - 12:59 PM

I've never read the book that this was based off, but this a great story. Your writing style is different in every story I read, making them all seem like a different author. Irnakk was a great choice for a villian. The only thing that I disliked was the fact that Vezon showed up. Vezon is a great character, but he appears in almost every fan fiction, so he gets a tad bit old. You did manage to make him funny, though. All in all, you get a near perfect 9/10. Keep up the good work.
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#4 Offline L'Etranger

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Posted Nov 17 2011 - 09:00 PM

Great chapter. Like how the whole plan of Vezon's was to hide. Makes sense. XD
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