Edited by Tekulo the WindWriter, Dec 24 2012 - 01:03 AM.
Posted Dec 24 2012 - 12:54 AM
Executive Vice President of Tomato Throwing
Posted Jan 03 2013 - 04:30 PM
[color=#a52a2a;]Tekulo, this story is just brilliant. I think you pulled off your goal very well of changing the entirety of your story through a simple sentence. The ending caught me totally off guard! The first time reading it through I was kind of horrified at what was going on, but the second time was just hilarious in context. xD[/color]
[color=#a52a2a;]I'm not much of a reviewer, but I can say that your descriptions were really quite good and I think worked well with both circumstances--what we thought the story was about and what it really was in the end.[/color]
[color=#a52a2a;]I could probably ramble on about certain aspects of your story, making myself sound all eloquent, but I wouldn't actually know what I was talking about and neither would you, probably, so I'll just say, well done! I enjoyed this story from beginning to end, and I'll be looking forward to more pieces of yours. : D[/color]
Posted May 08 2013 - 09:54 PM
I don't know exactly how I would alter it, but as it is it's wordy and awkward. Perhaps, between each paragraph, you have the words "Creak, Crack"? That way the reader gets more of a sense of the impending doom, the long wait as the house is being destroyed. Just a suggestion, I'm sure you've got one or two others of your own.Overall though, excellent tale, truly well written, and a pleasure to read.
In every corner of the room the same sounds echoed and echoed; creak crack, creak crack.
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