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Epic Rap Battles of History


Axilus Prime

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Most of us have seen the famous video series, and I couldn't find a topic on it. So, here's an unofficial discussion topic!

 

And in addition, we can make up our own, vote for the winner of others' creations, and discuss those too! Though if you do make one, keep it BZP-friendly.

 

I came up with an example.

 

Ackar

 

vs

 

The Arbiter!

 

Begin!

 

Ackar:

Go look in a mirror, or maybe you wouldn't dare,

You're a split-lip, squid-head without any hair!

You got nothing on me, I'm the Glatorian of Fire,

You're a fail who goes to serve a Prophet of Liars!

 

Arbiter:

You're blind if you missed that those days are done,

It's no use to rap with old geezers, it's no fun!

On Easy you'd be killed with one Plasma Rifle Blast,

Why are you even rapping when your planet's being glassed?!

 

Ackar:

Nice blade, Arbiter, acting tough with a glowy sword,

But when I set you on fire you'll be burned to the core!

That ornate suit of armor has only a fool in it,

Now run along before I go and call the Great Spirit!

 

Arbiter:

Your best friend's a shiny guy, but he can't even walk right,

And I'm not scared at all when it's you who taught him to fight!

You make a big deal 'bout your fire but you can't even learn,

Not to rap like a Grunt and get trashed by my rap burns!

 

Who won? Who's next? You decide! XD

 

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I've seen those. I've attempted to place a lot of votes, none of which have gotten placed yet. I'm not good at writing rap battles, but some of the ideas I've suggested include:

  • Solid Snake vs. Snake Plissken
  • Ellen Ripley vs. R.J. MacReady
  • Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan vs. Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy
  • George Lucas vs. Stanely Kubrick

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Oh. Dr. Brennan vs. McCoy, this is going to be epic. Who is Dr. McCoy?

 

Dr. McCoy was a regular character in Star Trek: The Original Series, in which he's the chief medical officer aboard the Enterprise. The connection is supposed to be that they're both professionals with the nickname "Bones".

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This is a cool idea, thought I'd try my hand at it. Didn't turn out too good, but I like some parts of it :P. Battled two of my favorite characters.

 

Wolverine

 

vs

 

Vegeta

 

Begin!

 

Wolverine:

You think you can beat me?

I’m the best at what I do, and right now,

That’s schooling you, I was killing people,

Before you were born, you can’t even beat Goku,

Face it bub you’re a joke.

 

Vegeta:

I’m the prince of all saiyans, what are you?

A hairy little man in a yellow suit?

You’re older then my grandfather, and lamer too,

You’re always angry because no one likes you!

Feast your eyes on my Gatling gun,

I could beat you with only super sayian 1!

 

Wolverine :

*snikt* These are adamantium so now your done,

I’ll slice you too shreds, then remove your head, you’ll

Be lying on the ground bleeding in red!

Just try to kill me, I dare you bub. With my healing,

I can take any beating, and come back for more,

I always survive; too bad you can’t say the same,

You’ve already died, how many times?

I’ve lost count, because of the dragon balls,

I’ll shred your rap, teach you a lesson,

You’re nothing but a joke, hardly a super saiyan!

 

Vegeta:

Just try to catch me, I’ll be in the sky,

Blowing you away with energy and rhymes,

At least I got a woman, you failed with Jean,

She picked Scott over you, I can see why,

If she kissed you she might have lost an eye,

Super Saiyan 2? My power-level's over 9,000

Just try me Logan, I’ll vaporize even,

Your adamantium skeleton!

 

Who won? Who's next? You decide!

Edited by Flex Capacitor
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I can't make the Raiden vs Lesovikk, sorry. I don't know about Raiden.

 

I'd say Vegeta won, he actually rhymed most of his lines.

 

I can probably do Tahu vs. Vakama, but I haven't started yet.

 

I might be able to pull off those TF rap battles, Zyke. But which Toxitron are we going by?

 

I'm a bit busy at the moment though, these rap battles won't be churned out quickly or anything.

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I've got an Idea,.

The Dandy Vs The Beano!

Britons two biggest comics rap it off!

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P̴̡͘r̛̕a̵͟i̷͞s͢͠é̴̢̛̕ ̛͡t̴̶̨͞h͢҉̶e̢͟ ̸̢͢͠R͢é̷͏̶d̸͘͞ ̴͟͡͏͞a͞n̶̛̕̕҉d̶͠͞͞ ̶̡̧B̷̛l̀҉a҉̢́͟c̕͠k̢͠ ̶̸̡͟͢Ģ͞͝͏͝ó̕d̛͢͢͡͠.̧҉.̷̧̛͟͞.̀҉̴
̧̨̧̡

Minecraft username: furno5943

3DS Friend code: 5043 2524 8032

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  • 2 weeks later...

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepic Rap Battlesofhistoreeeee!

 

Tahu

 

vs.

 

Vakama!

 

Begin!

 

Tahu:

Hey wise Turaga, I need to ask your advice,

Should I go full force, or should I just be nice?

I'm a raging inferno, and you're just a candle,

This battle isn't something you can handle!

I was born a full Toa, so I'm the real deal,

You were transformed from a Visorak's meal!

My mask power makes shields, yours lets you hide!

But when you made masks you failed so hard that you cried!

 

Vakama:

Hotheaded young fool, you need to learn some respect!

You think you're all tough but all you do is reflect!

Everything you've done, I have done better!

And I did it first, with crazy bad weather!

I crossed the sea of Protodermis and sealed Makuta!

You couldn't seal him with help, you're just a losah!

I fail with masks? Give me back the Vahi!

You're not a Toa, you're the droppings of Mahi!

 

Tahu:

You did some cool things, but that was all in the past!

I went to Karda Nui and I flew really fast!

I fought six Makuta, and all of their beasts!

Out of all Fire Toa, you're truly the least!

You had mental issues, you were always depressed!

But I would be too, if I had to out-rap the best!

You and all your team lost to one squad of Vahki,

But all by myself I killed six hundred Rahkshi!

 

Vakama:

That's very nice Tahu, you had some shiny new toys!

But put them away and come rap with the big boys!

I don't need your Golden Armor, sell it to a pawn shop!

Your entire leadership run was a terrible flop!

You had no strategy, you always charged in!

And your raps suck so put them in the trash bin!

Even Lewa raps better, and he's such a rap newb!

Go and flush your shame down Le-Metru's chute tubes!

 

Who won? Who's next? You decide!

 

And with that, the first of the rap battle requests is done.

Edited by Axilus Prime

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That one might work. But I must do things in the order they are requested, and only if I'm familiar enough with the characters. So, we'll be doing this:

 

Megatron vs. "Megatron"

Optimus Prime vs. Mata Nui

TFP Soundwave vs. Animated Perceptor

Movie Soundwave vs. Animated Perceptor (Because the above won't really count, but I do have a good idea for it.)

Gali vs. Gorast.

 

So these will be coming out in that order. You can still make your Raiden vs. Lesovikk rap, it would be cool.

Edited by Axilus Prime

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Thanks, oh I was going to request the Mata Nui battle, but it already is requested. Silly me, oh also I'm still writing the rap, so expect it soon.

 

EDIT:

 

EEEEEEEEEEPPPPIC RAP BATTLES Of HISTORRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

 

Lesovikk vs. RRRRRRRRRRRaiden

 

Begin

 

Lesovikk:

Not going to let this battle make it my last,

I can have the skills of any rahi with the power of my mask!

Whats with the visor, you scared bro,

No wonder you're an outcast, you look like a weiro!

So let me make things clear hear cause I don't think you understand,

Get out of my city, that's a command!

 

Raiden:

Looks who's talking coward,

You lost your team cause they were over powered!

We all know that you flinched for a second,

And now you can't see them cause there're in the beyond!

Prepare for your death,

And savor your last breath!

 

Lesovikk:

Don't be dragging my team into this,

Everything that you were doesn't exist!

All your armor and your heels will turn into parts,

Cause I'm about to put my sword in your heart!

 

Raiden:

You'll won't be able to hit me with the speed you have,

With the power of Zan-Datsu you be cut into half!

I kick all the way to the city of Dover,

You should start being scared cause play time is over! [eye turns red]

 

Who won! Who's next! You decide!

 

Epic (Raiden's visor closes) Rap Battles of Historrryyyy!

 

There's my rap battle. What do you think,

Edited by The Forgotten One

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Well, here's my first rap battle (and first serious attempt at writing rap):

 

 

Norman Osborn vs. GLaDOS

 

Begin!

 

Osborn:

It's Norman Osborn here

And my crazy wicked rhymes

Will make you bleed from your ears

Oh, wait, you don’t even have ears at all

‘Cause you’re just a stupid computer

And all you do is talk!

 

GLaDOS:

Oh, you found me

What a surprise

With my automated turrets

I’ll put a bullet between your eyes

Even the Space Core

Can rap better than you

So do yourself a favor

Leave, and take off that dumb mask, too

 

Osborn:

I defeated Spider-Man

And killed his girlfriend as well

You were beaten twice

By that mute chick Chell

I survived being impaled

When it comes to science, you fail

 

Warning. Warning. Beats too fresh. Activating Stalemate Resolution Button….

 

Wheatley:

I’m not the smartest,

I’ll admit that that’s true

But even a moron like me

Is ten times better than you

I’ll launch you into space

With a portal on the moon

Say “hi” to Victor for me

Because you, my friend, are doomed.

 

Who Won?

Who’s next?

You decide!

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LOL! Norman sucked, and GLaDOS cheated by calling in help, but overall, Norman's lines made no sense, that didn't work.

 

He did beat Spidey once, but when did he kill his girlfriend? And the impaling by the glider killed him. Unless something happened in comics?

 

Still, that was really cool, nice first rap battle!

 

Anyway...

 

Epic! Rap! BATTLESOFHISTORYYYYYYYYYYYY!

 

Megatron!

 

vs.

 

"Megatron"?

 

...Begin?

 

"Megatron":

Transformers? More than meets the eye?

I would laugh but that's too much of a lie.

There is no command but mine?

Go to your master the Fallen and whine!

On the field I make the other team lose,

You were killed by a little boy with a Cube!

 

Megatron:

Don't act like you win every game, you're so lame.

Come here, little insect, for a universe of pain.

I came back that time I died,

And I'll crush your whole team until all of you cry!

I took revenge from the grave, I killed Optimus Prime,

And I'm ending your career, you won't be worth a dime!

 

"Megatron":

Now don't start bragging about killing the big guy,

It took 3 of you and a cheap shot to make him die!

Then you were thrashed at the Battle of Giza,

And then you whined for that coward called Screamah.

Then you had to copy Prime and become a rusty truck,

You may have resurrected but no matter, you still SUCK.

 

Megatron:

No matter what hits me, I still return!

I will never give up, when will you fools learn?!

I tricked the Autobots into doing my work for me!

Don't even try to rap because your lines are so corny!

Now go, human slave, and start cleaning that pillar!

Between you and this gun's barrel we ALL know who's the winner! (BOOM)

 

Who won?

Who's next?

You decide!

Edited by Axilus Prime

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I don't know about that one... I think more emphasis was put on transformers than on football.As for Spiderman, Spidey's original girlfriend, Gwen Stacy, was killed by Osborn. And Osborn didn't die so quick; he survived intot he modern era where he even launched a siege on Asgard. Movie-comic discontinuity...

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I don't know about that one... I think more emphasis was put on transformers than on football.As for Spiderman, Spidey's original girlfriend, Gwen Stacy, was killed by Osborn. And Osborn didn't die so quick; he survived intot he modern era where he even launched a siege on Asgard. Movie-comic discontinuity...

 

Well, I don't know the guy's football record, and it doesn't make for good rap material anyway. So I had "Megatron" tear down Megatron by speaking of his failures and mentioning football briefly, and I had Megatron dis "Megatron" by calling him weak (Which he is in comparison), speaking of how he is so much "more glorious" and also mentioning football briefly.

 

Oh. I only know about Spider-Man from the movies, so I didn't know any of that.

Edited by Axilus Prime

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EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYYYYYYY. Toa Flaredrick vs. (pause) Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbig Boss BEGIN. Big Boss:Look what we have hear,A wanaby soldier with no skills it's very clear!That you failed to save your world anyway,So you built a ship to to go astray!Your nothing but a cowardly robot,At least my men have fought! Flaredrick:What gives you the right to call me a robot,You can just go back home and rot! (leaves for a second)Cause we both in the end which general will win,I got bullet for Kaz I'll put my sword through Voyevoda!At least my men had honor,Unlike yours which had dishonor! Big Boss:You got a lot of nerve to call my men that,Cause your nothing but a selfish brat!I founded the MSF and FOXHOUND,All you founded was a pile of mounds!

 

Flaredrick:

(eyes turn red, fire starts emateing from his hands) LISTEN UP OLD GEEZER,

Everyone knows want happens when they see my anger!

Besides I'm a Bionicle,

At least my story was chronicled! (He exits, lightning strikes when he looks back. When this happens you see his human form)

 

Who won! Who's next! You decide!

 

Epic(gun cocks) Rap Battles of Historrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy!

 

Now you all are wondering what's with this battle. Well Big Boss founded FOXHOUND and the Militaires Sans Frontieres, (Sorry for it being french.) which means "soldiers without borders." Well my self-moc founded a military organization too. About 50 years before the Shattering, he founded the Solis Magna Defense Force.

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Uhh... I know it was messy. I actually got that part with "win" from the Columbus vs. Captain Kurk Rap battle. Also the honor with honor part, that's what I get for using a lame rhyme site for answers.

 

EDIT: I was trying to make Flaredrick win. (Aw, thanks nepotist.) But oh well.

Edited by The Forgotten One

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Sorry TFO, I think Big Boss totally crushed Flaredrick as well.

 

Anyways, I'll try my hand at this. I think it's a fun idea, and I really do need the practice with rhyming....

 

But anyways, how about a competition between two of the biggest rivals ever in gaming history?

 

 

Sonic
vs.
Mario
Begin!
Sonic:
Yo Mario, I think the fame's gone to your head,
'Cause you're not that cool, you've been misled!
You can't do anything, it's really sad,
Being like you would make anyone mad!
All you can do is jump off the ground,
While I roll around at the speed of sound!
Mario:
You really are just a joke,
Try to rap against me, and I'll make you croak!
My villain has fire-breath, yours is round!
Anyone can see who's more fun to pound!
Wherever I go, I put on a show,
But you fall flat if you stub your toe!
Sonic:
You call that rap? Please, how pathetic,
Your lines lack style, they're not entergetic!
Listening to them makes my ears bleed,
They're so bad, they could cause a stampede!
Knuckles can rap better than you,
And his lines are cheesier than Italian fondue!
Mario:
Same to you, your rap is terrible!
You better stop, it's unbearable!
But that's to be expected from someone like you,
Stop trying to beat someone you can't outdo!
Anyone would lay me a welcome mat,
But you'll never be regarded more than just a filthy rat!
Hopefully I did them some justice, what with my lackluster abilities. But yeah, debate who won and stuff!

Haven't seen one of these in a long time...

 

 

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Thanks! I really wasn't sure what I was getting into though, but I saw it through to the end anyways! I'm surprised at what I came up with, but I'm still unsure whether I should have chosen such a large thing to encompass on my first rap battle....

 

And I think "Megatron" beat Megatron. He just wasn't so bent on destroying things unlike Megatron, and it was entertaining seeing a human try to insult a Transformer!

 

Perhaps I'll do another rap some time, but I'd have to think of some ideas. Any suggestions guys?

Haven't seen one of these in a long time...

 

 

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