The Kikanalo Launching Competitions

[Railblazer]

The reboot of the forums gave comedy writers a chance to begin anew…actually, it pretty much forced them to. Some, such as Lewa0111 Nuva, decided to rewrite at least the first few chapters of their classics, turning ugly messes into works of art, just like the rest of the comedy. Others, such as ibrow, saw it as a time to completely begin again, changing the storyline of the originals for a completely different plot, recognizing that the originals were too perfect to modify.I fell in between. I wanted to begin again, but knew that the first chapters of the originals were ugly. It would be no simple cut-paste-slightly modify job. It would be a whole new work.So, without further ado…the first of two sorta-new comedies…Six matoran were gathered in Po-Metru, one from each district of the city. Brander, a Ta-matoran, was chatting amiably with Nireta, a Ga-matoran. A Le-matoran, Sanso, was practicing his instrument playing. Unfortunately, his instrument, which no one had seen before, sounded like a dying Muaka. An Onu-matoran, Kaj, was trying to tolerate the computer-playing Kokkan, a Ko-Matoran. The last, Kivi, was carving a small statue from a rock.“It’s such a lovely day, isn’t it?” Nireta asked.“Well, I don’t know,” Brander responded. “It seems a little too cloudy, and the temperature—“Nireta elbowed him in the side. “RIGHT!” Brander yelped. “It’s a BEAUTIFUL day!”A series of groans and shrieks came from Sanso’s instrument. “Could you please stop that ruckus?” Kivi asked.“So sorry!” Sanso replied. “I can’t findout what’s the troubleproblem with this musicmaker.”Kivi sighed. “It could be the fact that it has more holes than swiss cheese.”“What’s that?”“I actually don’t know.”Kivi went back to his work, while Sanso fiddled with his instrument. A whistle sounded, then another.“I thought I asked you to stop!”“I did!” Sanso protested. Another whistle sounded, followed rapidly by a fourth. Sanso’s instrument was leaning against a rock.“ARRG!” Kaj finally yelled. “MUST YOU PLAY SUCH A VIOLENT GAME, KOKKAN!?”“VIOLENT?!” Kokkan responded. “I’ll let you know that I only have one violent game, and this isn’t it!” Then his glance went back to the screen.“What’s he playing, anyway?” Kivi asked.“Microsoft Train Simulator,” Brander replied.“What are trains? And what is Microsoft?”“I don’t have the least clue.”Kaj tired of the game. Leaning over, he pressed the G key. Kokkan’s eyes grew wide.“NONONONO!” he screamed. But he was too late. The train careened onto a side track ran off the end, and spectacularly wrecked at over 160 mph.“Coolcalm down, loudscreamer,” Sanso said. “It’s only a game.”Kokkan just stared at the screen. Then, blankly, he closed the laptop, placed it in his sack, and stared across the plains. Kaj started reading a book, and everyone else went back to whatever they were doing.Then the ground shook.“BIOQUAKE!” Nireta hid behind Brander as the shaking continued.Outside, the Mata Nui Robot was swinging wildy. “Stupid Space Fly!” it yelled, trying to swat it. Eventually, he succeeded, and a crater was placed on a blue-and-green planet.Back in Po-Metru, the ground stopped. “Ever wonder why those happen?” Kaj asked.Before he could explain, another tremor shook. “ANOTHER QUAKE!” Brander yelped, hiding behind Nireta.Then all of the matoran scrambled for cover as a Kikanalo stampede roamed in. The stampede stopped when one of them shouted, “Sixty Second Dance Party!” Immediately, a disco ball descended out of nowhere, the sky darkened in the area, multicolored strobe lights turned on, and the rahi danced, ate, threw pies, and went crazy for sixty seconds. At the end of that time, the disco ball rose up, the sky returned to normal, the lights vanished, and the stampede continued onward.“MY STATUE!” Kivi yelled. “THEY RUINED IT!”Everyone returned to where they had been standing. They expected to see a destroyed pile of rubble. Instead, they saw that Kivi’s statue of Turaga Dume had been smacked by a pie in the face. Other than that, it was perfect.Turaga Dume chose that moment to walk in. Seeing the statue, he angrily cursed the rahi and set Kivi to work on a way to get revenge. Completely ignoring the fact that matoran from all six metru were together—an act normally illegal—the elder stormed off. Shrugging, the matoran left for their respective metru.The matoran returned the next day to see that Kivi had fashioned a catapult out of the surrounding rock.“What are you doing?” Brander asked casually.“This, my friends,” Kivi boasted, “will teach those kikanalo who’s boss around here. This catapult will send them flying so far, they won’t know what hit them.”“But that’s cruel!” Nireta protested. “They’ll get hurt!”“That’s the point!” Kivi replied. “Shh! Here comes one!”The matoran hid, unsure of what would happen next. A lone kikanalo walked up, and inspected the catapult. The bucket had a seat that was perfect for the rahi to take a load off and sit down, and that’s what he did. Quickly, Kivi sprang from his hiding spot, and pulled the lever.“What the—AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh!” the kikanalo yelled as he flew over the statues into the wild blue yonder.“It worked!” Kivi yelled happily. “They’ll leave us alone now!”“What do you mean?” Kaj retorted. “That catapult could barely launch him. Why don’t you leave the rahi flinging to us Onu-Matoran!”“NO! Ko-Matoran fling better than anyone. Just look at our disks!”“Le-matoran can flingfly better than any of you sillyguys!”The argument went on for several minutes. Brander and Nireta stood by, unsure of what to do.“Fine,” Kivi said. “Meet here tomorrow at 1700. Bring your catapults, and we’ll see who’s the best.”“Count me out! Ga-Metru won’t stand for it, and neither will Ta-Metru. Right, Brander?” Nireta declared.Brander felt uneasy, but said. “We won’t participate. But we wish you luck.” Grabbing Nireta, the two left quickly.Somewhere near Chute Station 445, Turaga Dume pulled himself out from underneath a Kikanalo. “That thing just flew out of the sky and smacked me!” he told a passing matoran.“What do you mean? Kikanalo can’t fly!” Turning to his friend, the matoran said, “I think Dume’s becoming senile.”Elsehwhere, Brander and Nireta walked down a path. “How can you condone such an activity?” Nireta asked.Brander replied, “I don’t agree with what they’re doing, but I won’t stop them.”“How can you say that? It’s cruel!” Nireta and Brander argued for at least a minute, before they found themselves mask to horn with a herd of Kikanalo.“Excuse me,” the leader said, “but we saw one of our brethren go flying through the air, and we were wondering what happened.”Before Brander could tactfully explain, Nireta pushed him aside. “Turaga Dume told Kivi to do something about the kikanalo, so he built a big catapult and sent that poor rahi flying! Isn’t it terrible?”“Terrible?!?!” The kikanalo roared, and Nireta thought she won.“Why, it looks like a ton of fun! That chap looked like the happiest rahi in the city! Do you know where we could get a ride like that?”Nireta was dumbstruck, so Brander responded. “Yes, tomorrow at Klev’s Canyon at 1700. There’ll be catapults and snacks, except maybe without the snacks.”“Thank you my boy!” The herd charged off, preparing for the next day’s excitement.“Still think it’s cruel?” Brander asked.“Well…I guess if the kikanalo like it, it can’t be that bad.”“Good! I plan on building a slingshot myself. Will you?”“Perhaps,” Nireta conceded. “But I can assure you, it will be better than yours!”That said, Nireta headed for Ga-Metru, leaving Brander alone with his thoughts.And so it began…And now a word from our sponsors!First off, the comedy itself (from “Six matoran…” to “…our sponsors!”) is 1,103 words long.Second, guest stars will not be accepted until later. There will be no permanent guest stars.Third, I'll come back later and separate the paragraphs to make it easier to read. Enjoy the new forums!EDIT: The information for the chapter was on another computer. It is now unaccesable due to a total failure of that computer. Thus, the paragraphs will not be separated. My apologies.

Edited February 12, 2012 by Toa Kapurkar--Rail Blazer

[Elrond of Rivendell]

Yippeeeee! fly, kikanalo, fly! I loved this "gameshow" back in the day (when I wasn't part of the forums *nostalgic look back at old forums* Anyway, good to have you back!-Bane

[Railblazer]

...If I had known someone actually read this, I would have posted a new chapter by now! Thanks for the input!

[Phoenixian Wraith]

*looks back from sight of flying Kikanalo* Explains where that bloke came from... Who shot 'im? And yes - please start adding more chapters, I found this to be pretty darn good.

Edited February 12, 2012 by Wraith of Aura

[Railblazer]

CHAPTER TWOKivi was waiting in the valley at 1700 the next day. His catapult, slightly modified with a longer arm, was waiting beside him. The contest would be held a few kio up the canyon, where the rocks were low enough to permit the launch. Those foolish kikanalo, he thought. They won’t know what hit them.“HI!” Sanso’s voice richocheted off the walls before reaching Kivi. In fact, when it reached him, it stuck its tongue out before continuing on. Sanso himself was following the voice. His catapult, which looked like a giant see-saw, was behind him.“Um…” Kivi said, “are you sure that thing works?”“Positivesure!” Sanso replied. “I just need to pushdrop a big boulder on the otherend!”Soon, Kokkan and Kaj arrived. Kokkan’s catapult was a complex series of winches, pulleys, levers, disks, and who-knows-what else. It was also very noisy, and Kivi was worried that it would scare the rahi away. On the other hand, Kaj had chosen to power his by having a muaka chase a rahkshi, both on a conveyor belt, allowing rapid-fire mode.“You do know you only get one shot,” Kivi said.While Kaj cursed the addition, Kivi glanced around. “Does anyone know where Brander and Nireta are?”“They’ll be here,” Kokkan responded. “Brander sent me a message.”Looking back at his companions, Kivi pulled his catapult up the canyon. “Just how does that machinecontraption workfunction anyhow?” Sanso asked Kokkan.“…” Kokkan replied.Sure enough, Brander and Nireta were waiting at the designated launching spot. Surprisingly, both had catapults. Nireta’s was covered with flowers and air-refresheners. In fact, it was really a pile of them with a lever next to it. The pile was too small to have a catapult under it, Sanso thought.Brander, however, had a nice large catapult. There was a horn that sounded whenever the catapult triggered. Brander could also do rapid fire—and he knew Kivi said no rapid fire—by having the bucket swing all the way around.Kivi had set up a gate system in front of the catapults. This forced half of the herd to go through the gates, and then be launched through the air by the catapults. Electric wires forced the kikanalo to stop or keep going. “Is Dume going to be here to see this?” Kivi asked. Brander shook his head.Then a rumble sounded. “The kikanalo approach!” Kivi exclaimed. “Everyone to the levers!” Soon, the kikanalo stampede presented itself. It worked better than Kivi had hoped—all of the kikanalo entered the gates. The brown matoran laughed evilly, rubbing his hands together, eager to punish the rude kikanalo.Then, to his surprise, they all stopped.“WHAT!?!?” he yelled. “where are all the wires?” Brander and Nireta held their hands behind their back. In them were a giant pair of wire cutters.Then the leader of the Kikanalo walked straight up to Kivi, who shook in fear. “Excuse me,” the rahi said, “but we heard that this was where the fun was and that you organized it. When may we begin launch?”Kivi just stared for a moment, stuttering. Unable to say anything, he fainted, falling in the bucket.Brander stepped up to the leader. “We will require time to calibrate the devices and figure out who has the best. Six volunteers are required.”The resulting roar from the kikanalo volunteering—all of them—was so great, that Brander was sent five kio up the canyon. Forty kio away, a statue of Turaga Dume fell onto its carver, resulting in a string of curses, mostly related to Nui-Rama.Once Brander was back, the first kikanalo volunteer stepped up. A second Kikanalo had climbed the canyon walls to observe the distance. Climbing into the bucket, he held up an appendage to indicate that he was ready. Brander yelled “Cover your ears!” and pulled the trigger. A horn sounded, and the kikanalo went flying over the wall of the canyon, the loud horn being temporarily upstaged by the excited rahi. On the wall, the watchrahi observed the rapidly shrinking shape. A large cloud of dust poofed into the air. “That was about fifty kio!” he called. Brander thanked him and hung up, cell phone calls being very expensive in Metru Nui. “Why couldn’t he have just shouted?” Brander asked Nireta.At the landing site, the slightly dazed kikanalo pulled himself off the ground. With a roar of joy, he scrambled back to the canyon. Embedded at the landing point was a very flat Dark Hunter spy by the name of Hakann. His smile had been stretched wide, and would remain that way.At the launch site, Nireta had coaxed a very scared kikanalo into climbing onto her pile to eat. Once she pulled the lever, everyone—kikanalo included—blinked. One second there had been a kikanalo eating flowers. The next, there was a dust outline of the kikanalo, and a launched catapult that had been hidden underneath the pile. On the wall, the watchrahi shouted to the group that his companion had flown around fifty five kio. Nireta gave Brander a playful smile and walked off to watch the next launch.Sanso easily brought a kikanalo to his catapult, giving him a red light to show where he landed. Not caring where his contraption was aimed, Sanso scaled the cliff and dropped a huge boulder on the other end of the catapult. The rock slammed into the protodermis bar, pushing it to the ground, and then breaking it off, sending the launch end back to the ground. But the launch was successful—until the watchrahi reported that the launchee had flown into a high-sitting chute. Slightly dejected, Sanso and a few kikanalo set to work repairing the catapult.Kokkan led a fourth kikanalo into his launch bucket, and pulled a lever. Disks hit metal, pulleys squealed, and smoke filled the air. Matoran and kikanalo coughed out loud. When the smoke faded, nothing had changed. “OH!” Kokkan exclaimed. “I forgot to attach the spring!” Reaching, he attached the spring, and promptly flew backwards over the other wall of the canyon as the kikanalo went forward. The watchrahi reported a distance of forty-five kio. “For the white guy, that is.”“Where’s the kikanalo?”“See for yourself.” The hapless rahi hadn’t even left the canyon.Meanwhile, Kaj had brought five kikanalo to his catapult, lining them up for rapid fire. The first was given a blue light so he would be the only one counted. Then a lever was pulled, allowing the muaka to chase the rahkshi. The catapult very rapidly launched all five kikanalo, sending over the canyon wall. A surprised squall told the crowd that the third over had smacked the watchrahi. Kokkan, who was back on top of the wall, said it was about thirty kio, though.The leader of the herd then approached Brander. After a quick discussion, he jumped into the basket of Kivi’s catapult and pulled the launch lever. So rapid were his movements, that no one realized Kivi was still in the basket until he screamed in pain—forty-two kio away.With the leader, gone, the deputy kikanalo stepped up with a small statue, cleverly carved from the cavern in moments. After a short speech, he announced Nireta, the person who had originally opposed the contest , was the winner. There were yells and cheers all around, when someone hollered, “SIXTY SECOND DANCE PARTY!” Instantly, the sky darkened, a disco ball descended, strobe lights flashed, and another outbreak of craziness struck. As soon as it was finished, the catapults were re-aimed, and the rahi lined up for the launch. Some carried capes, lights, smokestreamers, and spray bottles.Forty-two kio away, the leader scrambled back to the canyon to rejoin the festivities. In the hole where he landed, Kivi and Dume peeled themselves off the floor and re-inflated themselves. “I thought I told you to take care of those rahi!” Dume roared. He then shut his mouth, worried his normal voice was lost.“I did! But…” Kivi trailed off.“I didn’t know you could understand roar.”“I’m fluent in roar, squeak, cluck, bark, meow, English, Arabic, Russian, Matoran, Agori, and LEGO-ese,” Kivi boasted.“…I haven’t even heard of half of those languages.”The conversation was interrupted as the two looked skyward. Kikanalo rocketed overhead, showing off lights, dressed as superheroes, spraying hapless rahi, and using their smokestreamers, writing “KIKANALO CAN FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” in the sky.“Where’d they find those rockets?” Kivi asked.“…I really need to talk to Nuparu one of these days.”Back at the canyon, the leader had boarded Nireta’s catapult. After munching on the flowers, he asked, “When do we do this again?”“Same time, same place, next Friday,” Kaj declared.“Righto, see you then!” With that, the kikanalo pulled the trigger and vanished into the wild blue yonder. The matoran watched for a moment, then collapsed their catapults and stashed them in a cave. Saying good bye, Brander and Nireta walked toward a chute station. A broadcast on a nearby telescreen made them pause.“Attention, all matoran,” Dume declared. “Be sure to stay away from the sculpture fields next Friday at 1800 hours. The Vahki will be searching the area to find the source of the flying kikanalo. For your own safety, stay away.” The broadcast ended, and Tata’s hit song “Artahka”* started to play.“You know,” Brander commented, “the sculpture fields would be a better place to have the competitions. What say we move there?”“Sounds like a good idea,” Nireta said. “But how will we keep them secret?”“Simple—we don’t?” Puzzled, Nireta could only watch as Brander jumped into the chute to Ta-Metru. Then she went to work putting herself back together.AND SO IT BEGAN…ANNOUNCEMENTSThe chapter is 1621 words long.*For those who live on Earth, this is similar to Toto’s hit song “Africa”.I don’t know when the next chapter will be posted—figure between next week and next millennium, but plan on between two weeks and two months.I might or might not separate the paragraphs later--maybe I should work that into Word.

[Elrond of Rivendell]

Soooooo......... When do you have guest stars? BTW, I lovvvve the rapid fire system joke.-Bane

[Railblazer]

Guest stars will probably occur in a few chapters, once I have finished the intro storyline. Believe it or not, we haven't finished yet!

[Toa Sonis]

Kikanalo launching-what a genius idea! Nireta's catapult launching the farthest is also really funny. Love that you just picked a bunch of random MNOG 2 Matoran to do this. Oh, and how could I forget the "SIXTY SECOND DANCE PARTY!"? So creative!