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Yet another comedy of mine being taken out of the mothballs, so to speak. Here is the link to the old topic.


Chapter 4: Budget Cuts


On the island of Daxia, in the Order of Mata Nui headquarters, Helryx sat in her comfortably heated chambers, pouring over a pile of tablets two feet high. Being head of the Order of Mata Nui had its perks, hence said comfortably heated chambers, but it also entailed an enormous amount of tablet work.


Helryx's desk phone buzzed, and she picked it up, saying, "Yes, Claire?"


Her secretary was on the other end, and she said, "Mr. Naad is here to talk to you about the budget, Helryx. He says it's important."


Helryx groaned in exhaustion, and said, "Alright, send him in."


Naad came in through the wooden double doors of Helryx's chambers, carrying a brief case. Naad was a tall, green armored being with a Great Kanohi Rau, the mask of translation. He said to her, "Good evening, Ms. Helryx. How are you today?"


"As fine as can be, what with our little Destiny War going on," said Helrxy, peering past the stack of tablets on her desk. "What can I do for you, Mr. Naad?"


"A word on the budget," said Naad, taking a seat in a chair in front of Helryx's desk. "Accounting just finished our most recent audit, and found that our current budget for the surveillance division greatly exceeds the budget for all other departments."


"Of course," said Helryx. "We're the Order of Mata Nui. Surveillance is our primary function."


"I understand that," said Naad, pulling a tablet out of his briefcase. "But the board made it clear to me that they think that when planning for the coming fiscal year, we ought to consider reallocating resources to other departments, such as R&D."


Helryx examined the figures carved into the tablet, and set it down, saying, "Alright. How did the board vote on this proposal?"


"It was a vote of nine for, three against," said Naad. "The board is hard set on trimming the fat, as it were."


Helryx rested her elbows on the desk, holding her chin in her hands. She said, "Alright, I understand. I approve the board's decision. Good night, Mr. Naad."


"Good night, Ms. Helryx," said Naad. He took up his brief case and went out the door, thinking, This briefcase could be used as an exercise weight. Stupid tablets. With luck, this new budget should bring us more paper to use.


After Naad had left, Helryx took the phone from her desk and said, "Claire? Get me board member Jend on the line."


"Yes, ma'am. Just a moment," responded Claire.


There was a moment of silence, before another voice came on with a click, saying, "Jend here."


"Mr. Jend, this is Helryx," said the Toa of water. "Since when is the board allowed to convene without my knowledge?"


"Well, it's clearly written in the bylaws-"


"Bother the bylaws. Naad was just in my office, and he told me that the board just voted on next year's budget, which involved heavy reallocation of resources from the Surveillance department. Who was the muffin head who wrote up that proposal?"


There was a brief silence, and Jend said, "That... muffin head.... would be me, ma'am."


"Oh. Well, in that case, I'd like you to know that my recommendation is to convene the board for an emergency meeting to discuss the budget. From what I understand, the new budget for the surveillance department is just over nine thousand widgets."


"That's nine million, ma'am."


"Really? Darn dyslexia. Well, anyhow, I want to meet with the board pronto to discuss this. I'm not the director of the Order of Mata Nui for nothing!"



* * *

Several days later, on the island of Nynrah, Order of Mata Nui agents Trinuma and Joe were on a stake out of the Brotherhood of Makuta building on that island. Trinuma could barely fit in the car, his knees scrunched up to his chin. Joe had a little easier time of it, being smaller, and kept a sharp eye on the building's entrance. Their objective? To keep an eye on the area and to report any activity of interest. Joe was using his binoculars to watch various people going in and out of the building. Unfortunately, it was night out, so he couldn't see much of anything. "Drat this device," he said. "Just a few weeks ago, we would have had a decent car and a pair of night vision goggles. Now all we've got is a junked up Dodge, a pair of binoculars from the Fourth Street Second Hand store, and some stale doughnuts."


"Don't forget the kanoka disk launchers," said Trinuma, feeling just as grumpy as Joe was. "Man, I used to have a pair of ghost blasters, and now all I've got are these disk launchers! They're soooo 2004."


"You said it," said Joe, peering into the darkness. They were currently parked in the parking lot of the McKyry's across the street from the Brotherhood of Makuta building. He reached down into the darkness of the van and pulled up the doughnut box, and said to his partner, "Want a doughnut?"


"No thanks. They're too fattening."


"Can we even gain weight? We're robots, right?"


"Biomechanical beings, Joe. Wait, what's that?"


Joe lifted up his binoculars and saw two Matoran walking out of the building. "What do you think they're up to?" asked Joe. "I mean, this late at night and all."


Trinuma buckled his seat belt and said to Joe, "I say we follow them. They might be running some top secret errand for the Brotherhood."


"You've been watching too much Law and Order," said Joe. "The Brotherhood doesn't assign important tasks to mere Matoran."


"We'll see," said Trinuma. "We'll see."



* * *

Katax and Praket walked down the street to Praket's car, silent. "I can't believe your boss wanted us to meet with this organization," said Katax.


"I know, right?" said Praket, opening the door to his car. "It's all about PR, though. The average Matoran is scared of the Brotherhood, so the higher ups wanted to show that we care a little about their well being."


"That's... somewhat comforting," said Katax as he got in the front seat. "But I take it they don't want the masses to know just yet, do they?"


"Exactly," said Praket, starting the car's engine. "That's why we have to meet them at night, just in case it goes bad, you know?"


"Yes, sir," said Katax, buckling his seat belt. If there was one thing he had learned while working for the Brotherhood of Makuta, it was to always agree with the boss.


The two drove downtown to a dilapidated parking garage, where they parked on the third floor. They got out of Praket's Prius, and approached a white van. About a quarter of the way there, the doors of the van opened, and two Matoran, a Toa, and a Turaga got out. They met halfway between their respective vehicles.


"I'm Turaga Smith," said the Turaga, a Turaga of Stone. "And these are my fellow representatives from the Letty Gord Center for Toa. I see you got our message."


"We did," said Praket coolly, which was ironic, as he was a Ta-Matoran. "We are here to accept your request for Brotherhood support. In the interest of PR, our boss said yes. All you have to do is sign some tablets, and it should be fine."


"Yes, sir," said the Toa of Ice. "We'll send a Matoran representative down to do that. You can even start organizing the press release." He stuck out his hand to shake with Praket, who reciprocated by offering his own hand.


"It's a done deal," declared the Ta-Matoran. "We'll be able to organize a public announcement soon."


Little did these meeting persons know, however, that just across the street, Trinuma and Joe sat listening with their state of the art eavesdropping device.


After the meeting was over, and the two parties went their separate ways, Trinuma said to Joe, "You thinking what I'm thinking?"


"What are you thinking?" said Joe, confused.


"I'm thinking," said Trinuma, "That we ought to report this to the boss."


"I'm thinking the same thing," said Joe.


To be continued...


:akaku: X-Ray :akaku:

Edited by X-Ray

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Chapter 5: Agent Agent Agent


Helryx, carrying three manila file folders with her, burst through the doors of the boardroom, disrupting the hubbub of the twelve board members talking. “Alright, people!” she shouted, taking her seat at the head of the table. “You’ve got two seconds to explain to me how Surveillance wound up getting its budget cut.”


“We have to draw the line somewhere, Director Helryx,” said Jend, the chairman of the board. Jend was a short, squat being with orange armor and a noble kanohi Akaku. He was easily befuddled.


“Mr. Jend,” said Helryx icily, “there are many other places where we can draw the line.” Helryx held up one of the manila ledgers. “I have here a report on waste in the OMN. There are whole divisions that have been virtually defunct for thousands of years! Organized Crime Division? Check. Rahi Control? Check. UFO Investigation? Check!


“Actually, Director Helryx,” said Maoth, a being wearing a three piece suit and a white kanohi Hau, “the Rahi Control Division was instrumental in defeating the Visorak threat and locating Keetongu—”


“I’ll give you credit for Keetongu,” said Helryx, pointing a finger at Maoth like a cocked kanoka disk launcher, “but Surveillance was the division that found out about the Heart of the Visorak. It was Surveillance that located Artidax. And it was Surveillance who just found out that the Brotherhood of Makuta’s Nynrah office is on the verge of endorsing the Letty Gord Center for Toa!”


A murmur swept through the board members. The stenographer typed on his laptop furiously. Farseg, a stocky, grey armored being with a Great Matatu, stood up and said, “The Brotherhood of Makuta would never do something like that. It would be a PR disaster!”


“Don’t mix the Brotherhood of Makuta up with the Dark Hunters,” said Helryx, leafing through another ledger. “They’re powerful enough to not have to keep up an image. Anyhow, according to this Surveillance report, hand delivered to me by Catka, the head of Intelligence, two emissaries of the Brotherhood of Makuta met with Turaga Smith, the head of the LGCT. Their conversation indicated that their ‘boss’ had approved their request for funding exactly for the sake of PR.” More whispering echoed through the board room, with some mentions of “Tridax.”


“Therefore,” said Helryx, sliding the ledger across the table to Jend, “I find it expedient to consider a new budget, one proposed by my office, in one month. All in favor?”


Every hand shot up.


“It’s unanimous then,” said Helryx, smiling under her mask. “I declare this meeting adjourned.”


The board members began to stream out, while Helryx headed back to her office. She passed by her secretary, Claire, who said to her, “Helryx, Ancient is on line one.”


“Thank you,” said Helryx, taking a deep breath. She was beginning to tire of having to shout every other sentence. At least she’d finally been able to convene the board. She entered her chambers, a snug affair with a stone desk and two comfortable arm chairs. She sat in her swivel chair and put on her head set, pressing the line one button on her phone. “Helryx here,” said the Toa of Water.


“Thank Mata Nui it’s you,” said Ancient from the other end of the line. “The Shadowed One’s agreed to lead that assault on Xia, but he doesn’t want to capture it. He wants to wipe it off the map!”


Helryx didn’t even blink, saying, “Just go along with what he says, and we’ll be there to stop him. I just met with the board, and we’re currently discussing the budget. When does the Shadowed One plan to attack?”


“In one week,” said Ancient. “Can you come and stop him then?”


Helryx massaged her temples. “Can you persuade him to hold off for another day or two?” she said.


“Not without blowing my cover, ma’am.”


Helryx set her head in her hand, and then said, “One moment, please.” She then put Ancient on hold, and then picked up line two, where she said, “Claire? I need you to get Thomob to fill in for me during my meeting with the board in a week. I have an appointment at Xia that day.”


“With respect, ma’am,” said Claire, a diminutive blue armored being with a Noble Ruru, “the board will never take you seriously if you don’t show up.”


“Just tell Thomob that I want him to represent me at the board meeting. Tell him that it’s about time he started earning his paycheck!” Thomob was the Deputy Director of the Order of Mata Nui, and one of the few competent bureaucrats to be found in the system.


“Yes, Helryx,” said Claire, before hanging up.


Helryx turned back to Ancient, and said, “Okay, I’ll be there. Just make sure that he does it exactly when you say he will. Capisce?”


“Yes, Helryx.”


“Good. Keep me posted. Goodbye.” Helryx then pressed the terminate call button, and then tapped into line one and said, “Claire? Get me Agent Nobody. I need to talk to him about a mission.”


NEXT: Lurker sets out on a mission... to Nynrah!


:akaku: X-Ray :akaku:

Edited by X-Ray

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And now, after a thunderous silence, I once again set finger to keyboard to write comedic prose...


Chapter Six: Mission to Nynrah


Lurker sat in his seat uncomfortably. He was coming to the end of a long bus ride, having gotten off a boat on the east coast of Nynrah, traveling as inconspicuously as possible to a village near the island's center. Bedecked in hoodie and jeans, his tail was awkwardly stored in he bag of stuff he lugged around with him.


Next to him sat a pretty Ga-Matoran with a Noble Miru. She was studying a travel manual, obviously a tourist. She put down her reading material, and said to Lurker, "So, why did you come to Nynrah?"


Lurker desperately tried to remember the cover story that had been assigned to him by some guy sitting behind a desk back on Odina. "I'm, uh, traveling... to, attend my uncle's funeral. Yeah, that's right."


"Your uncle died?" the Ga-Matoran said, a look of compassion coming into her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Mr....


"Uh, Smith. Jim Lawrence Smith... the Fourth," said Lurker, extending his clawed hand. The Ga-Matoran gingerly shook the talon.


"I'm Ellen," the Ga-Matoran said. "I'm on vacation."


"I see," said Lurker. Mata Nui, he thought, I hate making small talk. I can't wait to finish my mission and leave this dump. The higher ups get to fly around in their fancy airships, while I get to go around on a bus.


"Kent Station!" said the bus driver, bringing the bus to a halt.


Lurker got up from his seat, and Ellen said to him, "Nice talking with you, Mr. Smith."


"Yeah, sure," said Lurker as he took his bag and left the bus. His armored foot splashed into a mud puddle as he exited the transport, and he went off to the side of the road as the bus rolled onward. He strode through the drizzling rain, paying no heed to the staring Matoran. He then walked from the bus station into the town, following the directions he had been given to a little white house with a white picket fence, with a big oak tree in the backyard. He opened the gate in the fence, careful not to accidentally break it. He then went up to the door of the house, and banged on it with his fist. It was a miracle that it didn't give way, though his rapping would leave a mark.


A few minutes later, a Ga-Matoran answered the door. She was bent over with age, and wore a Kanohi Komau. "Welcome," she said slowly, hobbling out onto the porch. "Are you from the Dark Hunters?"


"Yes, I am," said Lurker. "I understand that you have an Ussal stuck up a tree?"


"Oh yes, yes," said the Ga-Matoran. "Here, I'll show you around the back." She walked down the porch steps and lurched over to the back gate, Lurker following her. He walked with her to the oak tree, and peered up the trunk. High up in the tree, he spotted the Ussal, perched on a branch as thick as Tracker's head.


"What took you so long?" asked the Ga-Matoran. "You said you'd have operatives dispatched within twenty-four hours. I've been waiting for a week!"


"We process a lot of orders, ma'am," said Lurker, trying to keep his patience. He looked up the tree, and then looked back to the elderly Matoran. "Okay, ma'am," said Lurker. "I'll climb up the tree and save your Ussal. But before I can do that, I'll need you to fill out some tablet work." Lurker set his bag down on the ground, and rooted through it. He pulled out a few tablets and held them in front of the Ga-Matoran. "Sign here," he said, handing her a chisel." The Ga-Matoran signed. "And here," said Lurker. The Ga-Matoran signed. "And here." She signed again. "And here. And here. And here. And... here." The Ga-Matoran then looked up at Lurker, saying to him, "How many more things must I sing, Mr...."


"Lurker," said Lurker. "That was the last one. Now, if you'll excuse me..." Lurker dug into his bag, and pulled out his tails. He attacked them to their spots on his body, and then went to the base of the tree. He hopped up onto the trunk, shaking some leaves out of the tree. He climbed expertly, ascending high into the tree. Finally, he reached the branch where the Ussal was. "C'mon, you little crab. Come over here, girl. Here, Ussal crab."


The crab didn't move.


"C'mon, c'mon," he said. The crab still didn't move. Lurker then decided that it was time for other tactics. He put his hands on the tree branch, and then dropped down until he was hanging from the branch by his claws, his left hand gripping one side and his right hand gripping the other, with the branch directly over his head. He spotted the Ga-Matoran below, who was watching worriedly. Lurker swung along the tree, digging his claws into the branch, and shaking leaves off of the tree with each shimmy. He would take out a hand, and then stick it ahead of the other, shimmying his way to the Ussal. Eventually, he reached the spot where the Ussal was. "Alright, Ussal," Lurker said. "Come to papa!" He reached up and grabbed the Ussal, and then swung it behind him, where it was grabbed by his tails. Once the Ussal was secure, he turned around and shimmied back to the main trunk, climbing back down. He then deposited the Ussal crab in front of the Ga-Matoran. He said to her, "I hope that the Dark Hunter service was everything you hoped for, ma'am. That will be one hundred and fifty widgets."


"Oh, thank you, sir!" she said. She slowly walked back into her house, and ten minutes later, she slowly came back out, and handed Lurker a sealed envelope. "This is a check for the amount you named," she said. "Once again, thank you very much."


"A pleasure doing business with you," said Lurker. "Good bye." He took up his bag, stored his tails in it, and stomped out of the gate onto the sidewalk. He headed for the bus station, going to a payphone. He tried to take the phone, but it was too small for his claws to manipulate. He tried to press the buttons, but his fingers were too big. "Dang it," he muttered to himself. He grabbed a passing Onu-Matoran and said, "Hey, short stuff. Take the phone and dial this number for me. Here's a dime." The Onu-Matoran nervously deposited the dime, and then dialed the number. He then handed the phone to Lurker, who said, "Thanks," and then kicked the Onu-Matoran away. Lurker waited for the phone to be answered. A voice on the other end finally came through, saying, "Dark Hunters Inc."


"This is Lurker," said the Dark Hunter. "I'm calling from Nynrah. I've just completed my mission and collected my payment."


There was a silence on the other end of the line. The voice then said, "Allow me to transfer you to the Operations Department." There was a small click, and then another, female voice said, "Dark Hunters Inc., Operations Department. How may I help you?"


"This is Lurker," said the Dark Hunter again. "I'm calling from Nynrah. I've just completed my mission and collected my payment."


"Please wait just a moment," said the voice. A minute later, she then said, "Would you describe the mission as successful or unsuccessful?"


"Successful, of course!" said Lurker, quickly losing his patience. He hated having to check in with HQ.


"Alright, sir," said the voice. "Let me transfer you to Ancient's office." There was another click, and then another voice said. "Ancient."


"This is Lurker," Lurker said for the third time. "I'm calling from Nynrah. I-"


"Yes, good job, Lurker," said Ancient. "There's another mission on Nynrah that I need you to see to. The Brotherhood of Makuta is hosting a press conference at the Letty Gord Center for Toa. I want you to sabotage it to the best of your ability. I would suggest throwing eggs at the speakers."


"But I-" said Lurker, before he was cut off. He looked at the phone in anger, inadvertently crushing the phone in his hand. He bellowed in anger, before realizing that he was in the center of a crowded bus terminal. He then set the phone down, and said to the Le-Matoran maintenance man who was staring at him, "The phone's broken." He then walked away, going to the ticket desk. He said to the Ga-Matoran behind it, "In what city is the Letty Gord Center for Toa?"


"The LGCT?" said the receptionist. "That would be in Fe-Metru." Lurker thanked the receptionist, and bought a ticket to Fe-Metru. He then went to wait for his bus. It was time for another long ride.


Next: Nobody's fool enough to do this mission for the OMN!


:akaku: X-Ray :akaku:

Edited by X-Ray

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And now, without further ado...


Chapter Seven: Intersection


Katax adjusted his position in his folding chair as he sat in the bright sunlight of the day. His chair was located along with several others on the front lawns of the Letty Gord Center for Toa. Beside him sat Praket, who was eagerly waiting for the press conference to begin. In front of the seated crowd was a podium emblazoned with the symbol of the LGCT.


At last, thought Katax, all of our hard work is about to be fulfilled. Perhaps my getting a job with the Brotherhood wasn't such a bad thing after all, if I was able to promote peace.


Finally, a Toa of ice went up to the podium and spoke into the microphone, saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I please have your attention?" The noise of the crowd died down. The Toa of ice then said, "It is my privilege to present the CEO and founder of the Letty Gord Center for Toa, Turaga Letty!"


There was much applause as a Turaga of water slowly made her way to the podium. Very... slowly...


Katax looked at his watch, and thought, 12:30. At this rate, the conference won't start for another ten hours.


Fortunately, it didn't take nearly this long for Turaga Letty to reach the podium. It only took about five minutes. When she had finally reached the podium, and ascended the step-stool in front of it, she said, "Matoran, Toa, and other beings, I welcome you to this press conference. Here, I would like to make an announcement concerning a new source of funding that we now have. We have been blessed to have a new benefactor over the last few weeks. Ladies and gentlemen, we are now receiving funding from the Brotherhood of Makuta!"


This revelation was met with a chorus of objections and shouts, as everyone in the crowd seemed to be talking over one another at once. "Why is the BM funding an organization for Toa?" said one Matoran journalist.


"Who arranged this unholy alliance?" said another Matoran.


A third then said, "Do you want fries with that?"


Turaga Letty raised a hand and said, "Peace, peace." The cacophony of the crowd eventually died down. "I know that this announcement raises many questions, but I would like to introduce another guest to answer your questions. May I present Praket, Deputy Under-secretary of Public Relations for the Brotherhood of Makuta's Nynrah faction."


There was a mass of boo's and clapping, depending on what the individual audience members thought of the announcement. Praket went up to the stage, and shook Turaga Letty's hand, before going up to the podium. "Friends, Matoran, countrymen," he said magnanimously. "Allow me to address you concerning Turaga Letty's announcement. Firstly, I would like to thank the Letty Gord Center for Toa for approaching us for funding. Secondly, I would like to thank Makuta Tridax for authorizing this new partnership. If it weren't for him, the Letty Gord Center for Toa's funding request wouldn't have gotten past the Head of PR's desk."


As Praket continued on with his speech, a sinister being in a hoodie and jeans lurked at the back of the crowd. He carried a carton of eggs in his backpack, and surreptitiously made his way to the front of the crowd. He took the eggs out of his back pack, and took aim at Praket.


"Thusly," said Praket, "we hope that this new partnership with the Letty Gord Center for Toa will prove fruitful and remunerative for both parties. I shall now sign the tablets guaranteeing our mutual cooperation." Praket went over to a table where the contract lay, waiting to be signed, when he was plastered right in the mask with an egg.


"You suck, Brotherhood goat-dog!" said Lurker, who was the sinister figure in a hoodie and jeans. He hurled another egg, missing Praket as the Ta-Matoran tried to dodge the eggs.


Meanwhile, in the shadows of a parking garage across the street, nobody was there to observe the farce playing out on the front lawns of the LGCT. "Well, what do we have here?" said Nobody, putting away his binoculars. He pulled out an encrypted cellphone, and waited for it to connect.


"Hello?" said the voice of Helryx.


"Helryx?" said Nobody. "This is Agent Nobody. I was about to detonate that stink bomb that Agents Trinuma and Joe planted, but somebody just showed up and started throwing eggs at the BM representative. And get this; I think that the egg thrower is the Dark Hunter known as Lurker."


Nobody heard a burst static, which he assumed was Helryx breathing into the phone. "Very well," she said. "Let us allow the Dark Hunters to ruin the press conference. If our egg thrower get's chased off, however, then you must detonate the stink bomb. You must by no means allow them to sign that contract!"

"Got it, boss," said Nobody, before hanging up his phone. He put his binoculars up to his eyes again, and saw Lurker fighting a handful of Rahkshi, who had been brought along by the Brotherhood of Makuta group as security. Hmmm... thought Nobody as he observed the chaotic scene. Looks like I'll have to detonate that stink bomb after all, and go grab the contract and crush it to bits in the confusion. Yes, I suppose that's what I'll have to do.


Lurker beat away at the three Rahkshi, wishing for a moment that he had a mask of speed. Just then, a huge green explosion detonated from somewhere in the crowd, sending a green cloud rippling through the press conference area. Everyone coughed and hacked, wheezing through the noxious gas. Katax stood up and put his handkerchief over his mask. He blindly stumbled through the crowd, bumping into not a few people. He made his way out to the edge of the explosion zone, rubbing his eyes.


Nobody had put on a gas mask and rushed to the table that was next to the podium. He located the contract, and pounded it with all his might. He then activated his intangibility mode, phasing through the crowd as he made his escape.


About half an hour later, after the fire department had decontaminated the area, Praket and Katax met with Turaga Letty, who was sitting next to an ambulance with a stress blanket over her shoulders. "How are you holding up, Turaga?" Katax said to Letty.


"Oh, just fine, young man," said Letty. "But I'm afraid that I've got some bad news."


"What would that be?" said Katax.


"Well, the board just had an emergency meeting," said Letty, "and they've decided to decline the Brotherhood's support in light of this new show of aggression. We never thought it would be a such a source of contention."


"But, you can't just back out!" said Praket, stammering. "After all of our hard work, something has to have come of it!"


Suddenly, another Brotherhood of Makuta Matoran ran up to Praket and said, "Sir! Sir! Mr. Praket, sir!"


"What is it?" said Praket. "Can't you see I'm talking?"


"It's urgent, sir!" said the Matoran. "The forces of a the Order of Mata Nui have arrived on the shores of Nynrah and are battling our forces!"


Praket cursed to himself and said, "Well, you know what must be done. Follow protocol. Start evacuating all Brotherhood personnel. Destroy all of our documents. Feed my cat."


The Matoran nodded, and then ran off to do Praket's bidding.


"Well, Katax," said Praket as the two walked away. "I believe that you'll be finding the next several hours to be highly educational. What with this new development, your job just got much more important."


Katax nodded, and followed Praket to their company car. He hoped that what he was needed to do did not entail anything particularly dangerous. He also hoped that he would have time to cash his latest paycheck.


NEXT: The final chapter of Bionicles at Work, as the Order of Mata Nui handles immigration issues following the evacuation of the Mata Nui Robot! Yeah, I know this would involve a big time skip, but hey, deal with it.


:akaku: X-Ray :akaku:

Edited by X-Ray

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Thank you for the reply, fishers64. I treasure every one of them. :D And now, it's time for the final chapter of this comedy!


Chapter Eight: Immigration to the End


Kyry massaged his temples, and said to the blue being before him, "Name?"


The blue armored being said, "Thomob, acting-director of the Order of Mata Nui."


"Uh huh," said Kyry. He glanced at the clock on the wall. "Do you have an appointment?" he said.


"I'm the acting-director of the Order of Mata Nui, and I need an appointment?!" said Thomob thunderously. "I tell you, the impudence of you Agori-"


"Do you or do you not have an appointment?" Kyry asked. His job as Raanu's secretary wasn't usually this grueling, but the pay was barely good enough for him to have to put up with this kind of treatment.


"Tahu Nuva sent me," said Thomob. "I was under the impression that something like that did not require an appointment."


Kyry stared at Thomob for a moment, and then said, "Hold on a second." He picked up the phone on his desk, and said, "Mr. Raanu?"


"Raanu speaking," said Raanu on the other end of the line. Raanu was sitting in his office on the other side of the wall, while Kyry sat in his half-cubicle, screening visitors.


"There's a Mr. ...Thomob? ...Here to see you, sir," said Kyry. "He says that Tahu Nuva sent him."


"Send him in," said Raanu.


Kyry hung up his phone, and said to Thomob, "Mr. Raanu will see you now."


"Thank you," said Thomob, getting up out of his chair and entering through the wooden door to Raanu's office. He sat in one of the two chairs before Raanu's desk, behind which the red armored being sat.


"A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Thomob," said Raanu. "What does Tahu Nuva wish to tell me?"


"Well, Mr. Raanu," said Thomob, "we seem to be having difficulties in transporting the inhabitants of the Mata Nui robot to Spherus Magna. The office responsible for issuing green cards is no longer active, and what's left of my organization has had to pick up the slack. As it is, we are unable to provide enough green cards to the emigrants who are arriving on Spherus Magna. The lack of green cards has led to multiple incidents with your people."


"...I see," said Raanu. "In view of this situation, I will speak to the council about temporarily suspending the need for green cards. Until then, however, you will just have to accept the situation."


After a moment, Thomob said, "I understand. Thank you for seeing me. I'll be going now." Thomob got up and left the office, thinking to himself, Great. At this rate, we're never going to be able to get everyone through. If only Helryx were here, she'd know what to do.


* * *

"Name?" said the customs agent sitting in the wooden booth.


"Um, Katax, sir," said Katax, adjusting his mask.


"Do you have a green card?" said the customs agent, an ice Agori.


"No, sir," said Katax. "My local immigrations office was crushed by a gigantic slab of metal."


"Well, that's just too bad," said the ice Agori. He said to the Glatorian standing next to him, "Bring him to the holding area. Next!"


Katax trotted along as he was herded by the Glatorian to the fenced off area where all of the immigrants without a green card were being kept. He didn't know what else they could do to them, as deportation was out of the question. In the six months since the battle of Nynrah, the Onu-Matoran had been kept in an Order of Mata Nui holding cell, set free in the chaos resulting in Makuta's takeover of the universe. Since then, he had wandered from place to place, going from Nynrah to the Southern Continent, to the Northern Continent, to Metru Nui. There, he had gotten a job as an accountant at the Coliseum, using his Brotherhood of Makuta credentials to survive. He hated himself for it, but he knew that he had to do something to win his bread.


And now, here he was, sitting in the holding area of a whole new world, awaiting his fate. He looked around at the assortment of Matoran Universe inhabitants who sat with him. There were Matoran, Toa, and a dozen other species he had never seen before. Among them was a being who looked like a Toa, but who wore a grey cloak. He had white and silver armor, and wore a black Kanohi Suletu. The being was standing next to Katax. Noticing that the Matoran was staring at him, the being offered his hand and said, "Hello there, Matoran."


"Hello," said Katax, warily shaking the stranger's hand. "I'm Katax. Who are you?"


"Oh, Nobody," said the stranger. "That is, my name is Nobody."


"Nobody, huh?" said Katax. "What kind of name is that?"


"I didn't ask for it, if that's what you mean," said Nobody.


"So, you didn't have a green card either?" said Katax.


"No, I didn't," said the friendly wraith. "But I happen to know that the green card thing soon will no longer be a problem."


"What do you mean-" said Katax, when suddenly, an announcement came on over the building's intercom system.


"Attention, immigrants," said the voice from the intercom system. "An immigration office has just opened next to the customs booth. Please go there to collect your green cards."


Katax's jaw dropped. He then turned to Nobody and said, "How did you do that?"


"Do what?" said Nobody. "I just made an educated guess at what the author would do."


"Author?" said Katax incredulously. "What on Spherus Magna are you talking about?"


"Never mind," said Nobody as the occupants of the room streamed out of the holding area. "Run along and get your green card, and stay out of trouble."


"Yes sir," said Katax, following the crowd down the hall. He wanted nothing more than to collect his green card and settle in a quiet village somewhere and set up his own accounting office. Once he got his green card, he stood in line for the customs booth.


"Name?" said the customs officer.


"Katax," said Katax.


"Do you have your green card?" the ice Agori said.


"Yes, sir," said Katax, handing his card to the ice Agori.


The ice Agori examined the card, stamped it, and then handed it back to Katax. "You're clear," he said. "Welcome to Spherus Magna."


Katax went out of the door onto the open country of Iconox. A small village had sprung up around the head of the Mata Nui robot, from where he could go as he pleased. He thought he would take the bus to Tesara. A jungle village... that sounded like a good place to him.


Meanwhile, Nobody got his green card, went through customs, and entered the village. He went to the bus station, and sat down on the bench. A few minutes later, a youth in a white dress shirt, a blue vest, a silver tie, dark blue slacks and a pair of black loafers, with a Kanohi Akaku Nuva eyepiece built into the left side of his head, sat down next to him.


"Is that who I think it is?" said Nobody, punching the youth in the arm.


"Nobody, old friend old buddy old pal," said the youth. "Did you get through customs well?"


"Yeah, yeah," said Nobody. "I had to wait for four hours while I waited for the immigration office to open up. You sure took your time."


"Hey, I can't control everything that goes on in this world," said the youth.


"But X-Ray, you're the author!" said Nobody. "You can use your author powers to do anything!"


"There are limits to my abilities," said X-Ray, for this youth was, in fact, myself. "But you're here now. Now then, is there anything you would like to say to me?"


"Yes," said Nobody, take out some gum and popping it into his mouth. "What do we do now?"



The End

What to do now indeed? Follow the exploits of Nobody and X-Ray in my upcoming comedy, The Misadventures of Nobody (and X-Ray). Of course, I intend to write a short story and finish my epic before I start work on that, but that won't prevent me from continuing to create! See you all later!


:akaku: X-Ray :akaku:

Edited by X-Ray

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Grammar/Punctuation/Writing Style


Yay for long category names.


I'm ignoring the error in the title, because I've been told that's nerd rage. *grumbles something about "bionicles"*


Anyway, as I looked through this, I noticed something. You've improved. I didn't notice any spelling or major punctuation errors. Your writing style still could use a bit of work. I saw a few overuses of words (shimmy, said) and they could be varied (like using "asked" instead of "said" for a question). Not wrong, but a bit distracting. Good job!






Humor is a very subjective category, I'll say that right now. However, I will say, that to me, this comedy was amusing. Not laugh out loud funny, though, as I've said before, things that make me laugh out loud are usually more random and not as skilled. I've noticed Nobody recur in your comedies before (I'm glad I'm typing instead of talking out loud XD) and the execution of that joke in particular is nice. The only reason you didn't get a higher score was that the jokes were rather far between.






Please note that the archives are broken, so I'm judging this based on what I've seen here.


Your plot is rather interesting, though not something I'd especially write home about. The entire Makuta-joins-up-with-Toa-Foundation seemed a bit random, though, as I said, I could have missed their motivation in the archives. The final chapter seemed an introduction to your next series, which I look forward to.


For better or worse, my judgment is 65/100.




(90+65+70)/3 = 73.33 (repeating, of course) Round up, 74/100.

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Grammar/Punctuation/Writing Style


Yay for long category names.


I'm ignoring the error in the title, because I've been told that's nerd rage. *grumbles something about "bionicles"*


Anyway, as I looked through this, I noticed something. You've improved. I didn't notice any spelling or major punctuation errors. Your writing style still could use a bit of work. I saw a few overuses of words (shimmy, said) and they could be varied (like using "asked" instead of "said" for a question). Not wrong, but a bit distracting. Good job!






Humor is a very subjective category, I'll say that right now. However, I will say, that to me, this comedy was amusing. Not laugh out loud funny, though, as I've said before, things that make me laugh out loud are usually more random and not as skilled. I've noticed Nobody recur in your comedies before (I'm glad I'm typing instead of talking out loud XD) and the execution of that joke in particular is nice. The only reason you didn't get a higher score was that the jokes were rather far between.






Please note that the archives are broken, so I'm judging this based on what I've seen here.


Your plot is rather interesting, though not something I'd especially write home about. The entire Makuta-joins-up-with-Toa-Foundation seemed a bit random, though, as I said, I could have missed their motivation in the archives. The final chapter seemed an introduction to your next series, which I look forward to.


For better or worse, my judgment is 65/100.




(90+65+70)/3 = 73.33 (repeating, of course) Round up, 74/100.

First off, thank you for reviewing my comedy. It's a great boon to my humble efforts.


The reason I only use the word "said" a lot is because I read in the book You Can Write a Novel by James V. Smith that using words such as "countered" or "snorted" isn't the way to go. If you think that it's a good idea, I invite you to snort the word "yes."


As for my humor, I feel that a lot of my better jokes were contained in the chapters in archive. A pity about the archive not working. Chapter 1 was about Katax getting hired, Chapter 2 was about Katax's first day on the job, and Chapter 3 was about Conjurer taking a turn answering phones at Dark Hunter HQ. I myself thought that Chapter 3 was my funniest.


:akaku: X-Ray :akaku:

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