16 replies to this topic

[Sybre the Mental]

A review topic for Superiornatural. It's naturally superior! Go check it out!

 

We authors have a little routine when posting chapters. First, I write a chapter, then JiMing, then Axilus, then Flaredrick, and the process repeats. For now, the routine is scratched.

Edited by The Taker, Jan 08 2014 - 12:37 PM.

[Axilus Prime]

Now that was awesome. Detailed descriptions, but no getting bogged down in silly metaphors! And you set the scene well.

 

That commercial actually demonstrates an awesome organization. Definitely looking forward to more of this!

 

And that last line was hilarious.

 

Overall, this should work a lot better than the comics did!

[Shadow Flaredrick]

See the detail is what I always miss. But now I'll make everything better in this Epic.

 

Love what Jaller did to Hahli.

[Sybre the Mental]

@Axilus: Thanks. I thought people would complain about a lack of detail. Yes, Superiornatural is the superior organization. The last line was pretty funny, wasn't it? And you can help with that!@Flaredrick: Go for it!And which time? The rope or the grin?

Edited by Sybre of the Green, Jan 29 2013 - 11:28 PM.

[Shadow Flaredrick]

@Sybre: My part of course. I need to add the detail, that's what the people want.

[Sybre the Mental]

No, I mean what Jaller did to Hahli. The rope or the grin?

[Shadow Flaredrick]

Oh the rope part, that was hilarious.

[Sybre the Mental]

Finally, I've posted my new chapter! Go on and check it out!

 

JiMing's up next!

Edited by The Taker, Jan 08 2014 - 12:38 PM.

[Axilus Prime]

I loved the intro with the goat. It was morbidly hilarious!

 

The secretary bit and the boot were just as funny. Clearly this version of Sybre is one of the more eccentric versions. Thankfully he isn't obnoxious to everyone, that bit with the payment was nice.

 

The dog part wasn't really scary at all, but it did add a good touch. The chapter feels much more complete with that there.

 

The first part of the fight was pure epic. I saw all that in my head. The descriptions were clear and perfect. And the way Hemar managed to kill it...awesome. It was a bit too abrupt of an ending, with a hint of anticlimactic, but for a first chapter this was great. The ending was basically like the ending of The Matrix Revolutions, in terms of how well it ended the fight.

 

That was a cool way of cooking the beans.

 

The ending was a mix of hilarious and nice.

 

Overall, this was great. Definitely worth the massive wait.

[Shadow Flaredrick]

I liked the comedic relief in there. I liked what you said about my squad. lol.

[Sybre the Mental]

@Axilus: I knew someone would like it! All of my chapters will have a similar intro. Yeah, the fight scene was a little bad.@Flare: And I knew you'd love the reference.Everyone, I'm truly sorry if this chapter was a slight disappointment. I'm new at this and I recklessly dove into the idea. But then again, I guess not everything was meant to he scary. I promise better fight scenes and scarier chapters in the future. It's a guarantee. And I'll redo the Chupacabra chapter in the near future, so everything will get better.

[Axilus Prime]

New chapter is up.

[Shadow Flaredrick]

Whoa, that was just creepy with the Revenant (May have spelled it wrong) was controlling your team. And the ending made it even more fearful.

 

When my chapter is finished, you will see references to both teams.

Edited by Flaredrick: Forgotten One, May 01 2013 - 06:58 PM.

[Sybre the Mental]

That was a pretty crazy fight! Especially with the Revenant turning the tables.This epic has already lasted longer than the comics!

[Sybre the Mental]

At long last, another chapter is finally posted! Hopefully, we can get the epic back up and running. And I already have another full chapter written and a couple more in production, so hang tight!

[Edea Lee]

Sorry Sybre, but I actually have a few things to say. First of all, don't use parentheses in writing. It disrupts a reader's immersion. Secondly, I appreciate you trying to make Cahlsi seem like a strong lead, in the end, she ends up as the damsel in distress that Bigfoot rescues. There was little tension, as the poacher won with little effort.

Also, just so you know, JiMing may be a snark, but he is also a feminist. He would probably respond to and joke about Sybre's sexist comment and his hypocritical behavior.

I may seem a little harsh, but don't take it personally. I'm telling you this so you can improve.

Also, sorry for delaying my chapter for so ridiculously long, but I'm nearing the home stretch. I'll get it up soon.

Edited by Zero: Maverick Hunter, Jan 08 2014 - 02:43 PM.

[Sybre the Mental]

Okay, I get it. This isn't one of my better chapters... However, I'm beginning to wander down the path of writing, so maybe my later chapters will improve. And I kinda based this chapter off a TV episode from a TV series that ultimately inspired Superiornatural. I'll take this as a learning experience. Maybe I can also make a few edits to the chapter.

 

I'll keep your review in mind and I promise that my future chapters will be much better than the Bigfoot chapter!

 

EDIT: I gave JiMing an extra sentence referring to Sybre's taunting.

Edited by The Taker, Jan 08 2014 - 02:58 PM.