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A Day In The Life Of An "average" Bionicle

Comedy Bionicle

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#1 Offline Lewa #1

Lewa #1
  • Members
  • Mata Nuian Protector Nuva

  • 14-February 09
  • 1,790 posts

Posted Oct 16 2011 - 05:26 PM

Ah, my first post since the forums have come back. First of all, here's the link for the first 7 chapters from before the shutdown: http://www.bzpower.c...howtopic=333230 Welcome back to "A Day in the Life of an "Average" Bionicle"! I know, ever since the forums went down you all have been losing sleep over the fact that you couldn't read more chapters.What? You mean to say that you didn't even care that you couldn't read new, awesome chapters?Fine, be that way. But it might interest you to read this chapter, because it explains how the forums were brought back online. Don't believe me? Read on.(Note: At the bottom of this post is a character list. And if the provided link doesn't work, please tell me.)

Chapter 8

Lewa #1: *Sigh* Lewa: That's not how it usually start-begins. Lewa #1: I know, but it's been dark for so long that I don't know when the day starts. Tahu: So how long has it been? Lewa #1: I've lost track. Ever since the forums went down and the lights went out, who knows. Mazeka: Fourth wall breech!...Aw who cares? It's so depressing around here that I'm not even going to do my job. Matau, Kongu, and Johnny: Who cares about how the *twitch* day starts *twitch*? The B/S/T store is down*twitch*! Lewa: Oh, and by the way, the store employees aren't taking the fact that they can't sell-trade anything very well. And the fact that about half of the sets have been sleeping ever since the "shutdown" doesn't aid-help, so the sooner the forums get back online the better. Lewa #1: You're talking like I can just snap my fingers and get us back online. Lewa: Well, are you or are you not the great-mighty Narrator? Lewa #1: Not when you call me that. Lewa: Oh sorry, let me try again. Are you or are you not the Great-Wonderful, Overseer of All, Benevolent and Mighty-Powerful Narrator of all things pertaining to our lives? Lewa #1: Yes. And you're right. We can do something. We must do something. We- Lewa: -will do something? Lewa #1: Oh yeah. We're on the same brainwave now (gives Lewa a fist bump). (Yelling to everybody) Everyone! Well, those that aren't asleep, to the Livingroom for a meeting!  In the Livingroom Lewa #1: (Standing on the couch, surveying the recently assembled group) Alright everyone, we have a mission. A mission of epic proportions. A mission of danger, of noble deeds in life threatening conditions, and eventual triumph. Snacka-Rahi: If your suggesting that we raid the fridge, we did that yesterday. Lewa #1: What? No. I mean this darkness, the utter desolation, cold and fear that has infiltrated all corners of our universe. Thousands of users unable to carry on with their lifes. And us...well...not able to really do anything interesting. Teridax: I see where this is going. Because I was the last one to cause darkness, turmoil, and sleepiness, I'm going to get blamed for this whole thing. Mata Nui: Well if you insist... Lewa #1: Everyone listen! I called this meeting because we're going to fix this whole thing. Now, whose in? Lewa, Gali, Kopaka, Onua, Tahu, Pohatu, Nuhvok, Nuhvok Va, Mata Nui, Teridax, Takanuva, Whenua, Snacka-Rahi, both Tarakava, Tahu Star, Kongu, and Antroz with his Jetrax T6: We're in. Johnny Thunder: I'm in too. Whatever it takes to get the store back up and running. Lewa #1: Good. Anyone else? Takanuva: Um, no. The rest are still asleep. Lewa #1: Blast. Well, I at least want Exo-Toa to come as well. (Looks at a small devise on his wrist and hits a few buttons) He's coming. Within seconds, a thump is heard upstairs in the bedroom tower, then a few smaller sounds like footsteps, followed by a larger crashing sound increasing in volume as it came falling down the stairway. Exo-Toa, summoned by the wrist-mounted remote control, lands face down at the base of the stairs. Exo-Toa: (Walking into livingroom) No light means no vision. Lewa #1: Thank you for that powerful observation. Now, assignments. I'm the 6-star general. Everyone do what I say or I'll call you a maggot like in the army. Any questions? Pohatu: Yes. Isn't a 6-star general impossible? Lewa #1: How would you know, maggot? Now, Lewa, you lead the Toa Mata. Tahu: Isn't that my job? Lewa #1: No, because I like Lewa more than you. Onua, Tahu, Whenua, Takanuva,Tahu Star, stay nearer the front because you guys can either make light or see well in the dark. Takanuva and Antroz, you're in charge of transport because of your vehicles. Antroz: Where exactly are we transporting to, anyway? Lewa #1: Straight to the source. (Pause for dramatic effect.) The BZP motherboard. Gali: Um, you mean we have to go into the computer? Lewa #1: Oops, did I say motherboard? I meant to say BZP MotherShip. There we'll find the problem, remove it preferably by explosive means, and restore order. Antroz: I don't think two vehicles will hold everybody. Lewa #1: Not a problem. (Looks at a small devise on his other wrist and hits a few buttons.) I'm running out of wrist for all of this stuff. Lego Ferrari F430 Spider: (Comes peeling around the livingroom corner then stops next to everybody) *Vrrooooooommmm!!* Johnny: Sweeeeeeet... I'll drive! Lewa #1: Fine, but don't scratch the paint. So, our mission is clear. Everyone saddle up! Takanuva, Antroz, and Johnny get in the driver's seat of their vehicles, but the passengers don't exactly spread evenly. Lewa #1: Okay, I know everyone wants on the Ferrari, but the Jetrax needs more passengers. Most everyone: Aww, but we want to stay in the Ferrari. Antroz: I can't believe no one wants on the Jetrax. It's huge! It's awsome! Lewa #1: (A couple minutes later) Now we're spread out better. Lock and load, gentlemen! It's time to rock and roll! Yaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!! Takanuva leads (and lights) the way, flying at top speed and crashing through the front door, closely followed by the Jetrax and Ferrari. Lewa #1: (On Ussanui) Turn left! Takanuva: (Going down street, and looking at speedometer (didn't know the Ussanui had one, didya?)) Wow, 278 m.p.h! We'll get there in no time! Lewa: Um, Johnny's passing us up. Takanuva: What!? (Johnny and his passengers glide by, smiling and waving.) That blasted Ferrari! Lewa #1: Nevermind. We'll be there in a few minutes. It's the building right up there. In a few minutes, they all stop in front of a massive skyscraper. No one appears to be around. Tahu Star: Mata Nui! What is this place? Mata Nui: I don't know. Tahu Star: Actually, I was using your name as an exclamation. Mata Nui: Hey! Lewa #1: It's the BZTower. This is where we have to come first. Tahu: I thought it was the BZP MotherShip that we need to get to. Lewa #1: It is, but this is phase one. Now this is usually a pretty normal place, where most of the site paperwork and upkeep is done, but with the forums down, don't let your guard down from here on in. Johnny: Gotcha, mate. (Jumps out of the Ferrari and uses the remote to arm the car alarm.) Ready. The troop dismounts their vehicles and cautiously approach the front door. Whenua: The handle's too high. We can't get in. Tarakava: *Punch punch punch punch punch punch!* (A hole finally appears.) Whenua: Nevermind. Lewa #1: Forward.  Inside Kopaka: Dark, dusty, depressing. That's what it is in here. Lewa #1: We have to go to the top. And since the elevator is out, we have to take the stairs. Nuhvok Va: You're kidding right? Did you see how high this thing is? Lewa #1: *Sigh* Before we go any further, I think we need some motivation. *Ahem* DO YOU WANT TO BE IN DARKNESS FOREVER!? Everyone: NO! Lewa #1: DO YOU WANT THE B/S/T STORE TO RE-OPEN!? Everyone: YES! Lewa #1: DO YOU WANT TO RETURN TO THE COMEDIES SECTION!? Everyone: YES! Lewa #1: DO YOU WANT NAPOLEON TO BE YOUR KING!? Everyone: NO! Wait, what? Lewa #1: Then we have to take the stairs! Later, about half way up... Whenua: *Pant pant* I think I'm going to have a heart attack. Kongu: *Pant* I'll join you. (Trips over something) Waa! *thump* Ow! What was that? Nuhvok: This long, round *mechanical noises* thing here. (He jabs at it, but it quickly slithers away.) Umm... Suddenly, something grabs Onua and starts to quickly drag him away. Onua: Help! Lewa #1: Morbazok! Tahu Star: You spelled it wrong. Lewa #1:Morbuzohk! Tahu Star: Still wrong. Lewa #1: Giant, stuipid, evil, annoying vine thing! Tahu Star: There, that's right. Onua: Hello? HELP! (Lewa chops off the vine with his ax.) Lewa: Quick-run-flee-retreat! Dashing up the stairs for their lives, all the while slicing, jabbing, poking, thwacking, and other painful things, they finally make it to the top. Maybe from pain, perhaps it's vines were too short to reach the top, but in any case, once they reached a bare room at the very peak, the vile vegetation started to recede. Johnny: *Pant* That was annoying. *Pant* Is that what brought the forums down? Lewa #1: No, something much more sinister is to blame. Right now the important thing is that we made it. Everybody stand on this circle in the middle of the room. (Everybody does so.) Now I'll say the top-secret code. Ready? In 5..4..3..1 Beam me up Scotty. Everything starts to get bright in the circle, until the light seemingly starts to bend, and they vanish instantly. Seconds later, they appear in a strange new room. Teridax: Where are we? Lewa #1: I'll give you one guess. Snacka-Rahi: Taco Bell? I sure hope so. Lewa #1: Nnnnnnnno. Welcome to the BZP MotherShip. Directly below us a couple hundred miles is the BZTower. Kopaka: How do you know all this stuff? Lewa #1: Am I not the Great-Wonderful, Overseer of All, Benevolent and Mighty-Powerful Narrator? Kopaka: Yes, fine. Lewa #1: We should split up. Nuhvok, Nuhvok Va, Kongu, Whenua, Exo-Toa, Antroz, Mata Nui, and Teridax, go to the control room and wait for the signal. Johnny, Tahu Star, Snacka-Rahi, and Tarakava, go to the cargo hold, and I think you'll know what to do there. Lewa, take the Toa Mata to the level above us, go to the front of the ship a little, and start hacking and chopping away at the floor. Lewa: What? Lewa #1: Just do it, it should help. Takanuva: And me? Lewa #1: You come with me. Let's go!  Walking down the long, dark corridor Takanuva: What should we expect? Lewa #1: If it's what I think it is, nothing I say can prepare you. Takanuva: Wow, that makes me feel so much better. Lewa #1: We should be getting close. Shine your light up there a little. Hmmm, yes, it's this door. We need to be quieter now. Door: (Being opened by Takanuva) Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Lewa #1: Blast. Unseen, unsettleing voice: Ah, come in, I thought you'd be here sooner or later. Lewa #1: I figured you'd be behind this, Black 5. Alright, what have you done with the BZP big cheese Black 6? Black 5: I killed him. Lewa #1: That's a little too harsh. Black 5: Fine, I actually stuck a sock in his mouth, tied him up, and threw him in a closet. And I'll do the same to you if you don't leave immediately. Lewa #1: I'll give you one chance to step down, tell us where Black 6 is, and give up your chokehold on the forums. Black 5: And if I don't? Lewa #1: Well, you're talking like a stereotypical bad guy, and in the movies the stereotypical bad guy always loses. Black 5: That's actually very sound logic. But no matter! I'll take on both of you! Lewa #1: Actually, you'll have to take on all eight of us. Black 5: What? With timing that would astound a Swiss watch maker, all six Toa Mata come crashing through the ceiling and land on top of Black 5. Realizing where they've landed, they conk Black 5 upside the head and handcuff him. Lewa #1: Good work! Wher'd you get the handcuffs? Pohatu: eBay. Black 5: Oowwww. I demand a rematch! That was way too anticlimatic! Lewa #1: An epic battle is for another day. Right now, we have to get the forums back up. (Pushes some buttons on the wrist devise.) Now, to rescue Black 6...  In the Control Room Kongu: I'm bored. Nuhvok Va: Let's push all the buttons! Whenua: Not until we get the signal. Exo-Toa: Recieving signal... Whenua: What does it say? Exo-Toa: "Signal". Whenua: Really? That's it? Antroz: That must be the signal. Push all the buttons! In the middle of the ensuing button-pushing melee, the sound of machinery and flickering lightbulbs starting to come back into operation after a long rest is heard from deep within the MotherShip. But it levels off after a few minutes and doesn't get any louder. Teridax: Why won't it start fully? Mata Nui: Maybe the big "Insert Key To Start" sign should be a clue. Teridax: Well, where's the key? Black 6: Right here. Everyone: *GASP* Black 6! Black 6: You started the initalization sequence nicely, but the key is needed to start it fully. Mata Nui: How did you get here? Black 6: Well, I was in a closet, but your comrades found me and got me out. Lewa #1: And now the forums can go back online. Black 6: (Inserts key and turns it. Soon, the lights come on fully and everything starts to work as normal.) That's more like it. Antroz: (Crying) *Sniff sniff* Lewa #1: Um, what's wrong? Antroz: Nothing. I was just really looking forward to removing the problem "by explosive means". Black 6: Well, Black 5 still needs to be dealt with... Antroz: Ooooohhhh... In a few moments, Black 5 is stuck in one of the ship's escape pods and surrounded by an unnatural amount of explosives. He's aimed away from Earth, and "blasts off". The last thing they heard him say was: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!" Lewa #1: Happy now? Antroz: Yes. Lewa #1: Mission complete! Back to the "beaming pad", we should find the others there.  At the "Beaming Pad" Johnny: Hey guys! Lewa #1: Did you succeed in your mission? Johnny: Sure did. We have all the inventories, reciepts, and everything else we need to re-open the store. Lewa #1: Was it pretty easy?Johnny: Well, it's a long story, but let's just say that we almost ended up with one purpleish Tarakava instead of a teal and a blue. I'll tell you about it someday soon. Lewa #1: Uh, okay. Everyone on the pad. Farewell Black 6. Hopefully the next time we meet it won't be under similar circumstances. Black 6: The feeling is mutual. (Gives the Spock farewell.) Live long and prosper. Lewa #1: (Standing on pad) Right back at ya. In 6...5...3...1 1/2...Beam us down Scotty. Black 6: Fine, but don't call me Scotty. A couple seconds later, they're back standing in the bare, tower-top room. Now that everything worked, they took the elevator down, to the delight of everyone. The giant, stuipid, evil, annoying vine thing was seemingly no more of a problem. Lewa: That was quite the mission-endeavor. I wonder if we'll ever do anything that important again. Lewa #1: Oh, I'd say we will. Everybody to their vehicles and back home we go. Gali: I wonder how the others are doing.  Back at The House Onua: (Looking at the hole in the front door) I guess we'll have to fix that later. At least it makes it easier to get in now. Teridax: (Walking through the hole) Hello! We're home! You'll never guess what we did! Jaller: (Coming down stairs yawning and noticing that the lights are on) Oh, you changed the lightbulbs. Thanks. I'm going back to bed. It's past 10:30pm. You can tell me about what you did tomorrow. Teridax: What!? We just saved the universe, and you don't even care!? Lewa #1: Well, if we go to bed now and wake up in the morning, we'll be back on our schedule. And besides, if Takua's still asleep, we have no chronicler to even write down our story. I'm going to bed, see you tomorrow. Teridax: Grrrr. Fine. 'Night. Snacka-Rahi: (Walking from the kitchen to the stairs while carrying most of the fridge's contents) Good night!  

The End...of the Forum Downtime!

To avoid confusion, here's a list of characters that have more than one version, and this shows what version is being used throughout this comedy. Nuju, Vakama, Matau, Nokama, and Whenua are all Turaga.Kongu, Macku, Onepu, Matoro, and Hewkii are all McToran.Tahu, Lewa, Gali, Kopaka, Onua, and Pohatu are all Mata.Jaller and Takua are 2003 Matoran.Mata Nui is the small-ish Glatorian.Norik and Iruni are Toa.Takanuva is 2003 Toa.Teridax is 2003 Titan.Hahli and Hafu are 2003 Matoran. All of this applies unless otherwise stated :pirate: .

Edited by Lewa #1, Oct 16 2011 - 05:29 PM.

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