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RPG Forum Contest 27 Reviews

RPG Contest RPGC27

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#41 Offline The Lorax

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Posted Mar 15 2013 - 06:49 PM

I was thinking of reviewing this myself, but Canis Lupus has said pretty much everything I would have.

 

 
Species:(allowables are Skakdi, Vorox[they have become intelligent], Vortixx, Toa, Matoran, Turaga, Agori, Skrall, or glatorian [color=rgb(218,165,32);]Vorox have become intelligent? Really, the only way they could be sapient is through a lot of work by some psychics. Bota Magan, are sapient however. Also, no one (and I mean no one), likes it when you limit species unless the situation is like that of say, Transformation, where only having Skakdi is reasonable.[/color]

 

Just to point out (and I think this is important), Transformation is not "only Skakdi". Other MU species are definitely playable, if they have a reason to be there. I really don't want to be restricitve or appear that way.

 

Levacius - thanks for the review. I'll reply to it more fully when I get a moment.


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#42 Offline Canis Lycaon

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Posted Mar 16 2013 - 08:33 AM

I was thinking of reviewing this myself, but Canis Lupus has said pretty much everything I would have.

 

 

 
Species:(allowables are Skakdi, Vorox[they have become intelligent], Vortixx, Toa, Matoran, Turaga, Agori, Skrall, or glatorian [color=rgb(218,165,32);]Vorox have become intelligent? Really, the only way they could be sapient is through a lot of work by some psychics. Bota Magan, are sapient however. Also, no one (and I mean no one), likes it when you limit species unless the situation is like that of say, Transformation, where only having Skakdi is reasonable.[/color]

 

Just to point out (and I think this is important), Transformation is not "only Skakdi". Other MU species are definitely playable, if they have a reason to be there. I really don't want to be restricitve or appear that way.

Well, it is unlikely that any non-Skakdi species will appear majorly in the game. Sure, there will be the occasional Toa, (Like Spiriah's Hagah) but for the most part, everyone will be a Skakdi. I was just using Transformation as an example, because if you only allowed Skakdi, I don't think many people would get too upset. I was using Transformation as an example of a game where limiting species would be reasonable. Here, there is no reason to limit species.


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I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#43 Offline The Lorax

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Posted Mar 17 2013 - 01:38 AM

More reviews!

 

REVIEW FOR - TRANSFORMATION

 

Well, I may have reviewed this RPG multiple times in the past, but hey - you did a review Lorax, so I do a review.

 

Across the Submissions Topic, all was peaceful. RPGs were just reaching the halfway mark for submission. Posters made posts, announcing the arrival of a new contest. Reviews enjoyed making a few reviews. It cold not last, however. The idyllic topic was shattered when a giant freaking Skakdi appeared out of nowhere.

 

So, opening is as it's always been, good, good. Save the huge Skakdi.

 

Fair point. it seems that title images for RPGs have gone out of fashion lately. Back around contests 23 and 24, about half the RPGs led with them. Now, it's only Transformation and The Dead World. Maybe I should get with the times and update my approach.

 

Alright, let's look at the timeline. Any changes that would be canon breaking? Not really. Moving onto the story, we get the story about what's been happening. And stuff.

 

Precisely. I like my games to be as canon-close or at least canon-resonable as possible. Other than the locations, that normally gets more time put into it than anything else. I'm glad it shows through.

 

Factions, fine. Nice and interesting ones. Making player factions. So on, so forth.

 

Just a minor thing that irks me - the way the locations are capitalized. "Te-nari" would look nicer as "Te-Nari", in my opinion; the same applies to the others.

 

I was part way through composing a snarky response to this, along the lines of the above pride in canon-closeness. Ta-matoran, Ta-koro, Ta-wahi... etc. So Te-nari would fit. Then I went to check BS01, just to back up what I was saying. Turns out I was wrong. Dead wrong. All this time, over such a common thing, and I was wrong. Even after countless hours reseaching every detail of the RPG (and two others), and prided myself on that, it slipped through and I never noticed. I always throught it was the other way around. Please excuse me while I go cry in a corner.

 

That was part of the reason why it took so long to write this response. After a couple of days, I've tried to piece my shattered world back together (without any help from giant robots). Anyway now as I write this, I have decided that it shall be changed, and I shall have to eat some big servings of humble pie.

 

The Komau and Mask of Clairvoyance are odd ban choices to me. Of all of the time I've spent on the RPG forum, I don't think I've seen more than one, maybe two characters get mind controlled successfully. There seems to be a general 'players are hard to mind control' vibe (I add mental shields anyways, though, in case a GM gets some ideas...) that goes around. And the Mask of Clairvoyance... just tell them to follow its canon rules. Which means they have no control over the visions. The GM does. They never use it, though.

 

My problem with a mask of Clairvoyance in a sandbox RPG like this one is that you can never know for sure whether your prediction will come true (without reading the GM's mind). Even then, other players could interfere and change things, making it very hard to have a (plot-important) vision and then make it come true. With that being unfeasible, all that's left is a convenient excuse for characters to know things they shouldn't.

As for the "no control" aspect, why would someone create a character with that mask unless they wanted to give their character visions? The player will make sure that the mask does stuff, even if the characters, theoretically, doesn't have control of the mask. The player does, and they miught make its timing just a little too convenient. That's the loophole I'm trying to close.

If I ever need to give characters advanced knowledge of events happening elsewhere in the form of a vision (not that I imagine I will), I'll use a kratana of say that the character involved was just a cross-wired freak like vakama. There's no need for the mask.

 

As for the komau, yes mind control is rare, and yes, the target character is normally given room to fight back (sometimes even too much, in my humble opinion. Only particularly strong-willed beings are supposed to be able to throw it off quickly enough to not do the action they are being mind-controlled to do). My problem comes when those things don't happen, because players don't always play it well. Controlling other peoples' characters is always a sensitive issue, and, as I said in the rules, I'd rather save everyone the argument over exactly how it should be done.

 

Other than that... eh. No questions or concerns. I like the description and detail put into the environments and the setting as a whole. It keeps true to the stuff we know of in canon - at least as far as these RPGs ever do - but still creates something that feels a little different. All in all, good job, and keep entering this sucker. You gotta win one day.

 

Thankyou. :) The locations were the other thing I liked best about Transformation, so again, I'm glad they came through OK.


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#44 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Mar 19 2013 - 07:47 PM

@ The Lorax; Sorry if you misunderstood, but - I wasn't saying the Skakdi was bad. I meant that it was the only thing really new to the opening of the RPG.

 

The player will make sure the mask does stuff. Perhaps. Why create a character with a mask if they don't want visions? Because they want to create a certain tone to the character. Or perhaps they want to say they have a mask power, but it does nothing, so they can open up new opportunities without becoming unbalanced. I guess I can go with the Komau thing, but considering anyone with psionic powers could just do the same thing, it doesn't seem that big of a deal.

 

REVIEW OF DYSTOPIAN

 

Okay, introduction comes along. What exactly is metal production? I think this came up last contest, actually. Do you mean mining, or something? Eh, whatever. So, from what I understand here, something is happening in Sub-District 34, and there's an Emperor, and he's going to fix stuff. And some yellow-eyed guy is about to have some bad stuff happen to him.

 

If a government official started calling us 'dear citizen' in my home town, he'd be laughed out of town.

 

Locations are interesting, and I don't have too much to say about any of them. It's cool that you decided to go with the old 'Vahki mottos' from 2004 when designing this.

 

Where is the biography section of the profile?

 

Okay, so, short review compared to most of the others I've done. What do I think? Looks like an interesting idea, and I can't really fault anything. There are a few things I may do differently, but not that would work in this particular RPG. Well.. okay, there is one thing I can't see. Where is the agriculture in this city? It doesn't really seem like Metru-Nui is much for trading these days, and that's how I pretty much always assumed Metru-Nui got most of their stuff (considering they provided power to most of the universe via the giant power plant). I can't seem to find that. Otherwise, though, it's all good.

 

-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:


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#45 Offline The Lorax

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Posted Mar 19 2013 - 08:13 PM

 

REVIEW OF DYSTOPIAN

 

 

Where is the biography section of the profile?

 

I'm not sure, but I think that may have been intentional. Down below the character profile bit, it says that evrey character will start out as an unimportant, not-very powerful level one character. Only through play and progress can they "grow and become defined, their powers and skills develop through experience, while their naivety and greenness transforms matures into intelligence and cunning" i.e. our characters will have none of these things at the start.

 

A biography is what normally establishes these things in a character. It tells us how past events in the character's life have shaped them as a person, how they got their skills, experience and intelligence (or lack of them). In a game where none of our character have any of these things, they also don't have a biography, because if they did have an individual biography, they would also have some experiences and skills that might put them above the prescribed "level one".

 

I think it means that all PCs will start out as completely average, brainwashed citizens with nothing but their looks to distinguish them from anyone else . From there they can start their growth, gaining experiences which shape them as a character and give them powers, skills, etc.


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#46 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Mar 19 2013 - 08:39 PM

@ The Lorax;

 

Perhaps in a video game... but this isn't a video game. In an RPG, every character has their own backstory. Even ones where the character isn't particularly exceptional.

 

And if you're using skills as reason, note there is an Occupation section. There are some jobs that would certainly be more beneficial in certain departments than others, after all. So I hardly to see how that has anything to do with, well, anything.

 

EDIT: There wouldn't be a history section in the case of amnesia or a similar condition. But this isn't a case of either of those.

 

-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:


Edited by Toa Levacius Zehvor, Mar 19 2013 - 08:40 PM.

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#47 Offline L'Etranger

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Posted Mar 21 2013 - 07:46 AM

[font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]In all honesty, I avoided the Biography section so that I wouldn't have to have page-long discussions concerning how much of the in-game MU the characters knew of. I also wanted to establish the feel of a, as I said, "Level 1" character from a Tabletop RPG or the like, but I do suppose they have quite a bit of backstory normally. Perhaps I'll add a section to the RPG in the near future, concerning the abscence of Biography. [/font]


Edited by Replicant, Mar 21 2013 - 07:47 AM.

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emCiGiR.jpg


#48 Offline The Lorax

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Posted Mar 22 2013 - 06:30 PM

A few points about Reborn in Red: (I realise I've left this a little late, but that can't be helped now).

 

First off, I like the concept of this game. The Red Star is a new and unexplored aspect of canon, and this RPG seems to do that exploring quite nicely. That said, a good idea also needs good execution, which looks a bit haphazard here. Reading the RPG, it feels like it was quickly thrown together, rather than carefully planned out and then written as a cohesive whole. All of the necessary information is there, but it's scattered around so that you have to dig for it, rather than layed out in a clear and organised manner.

 

A bit more info on the Kestora would be good. They're small, blac and purple, have some impressive tech and don't like visitors, but what else? What do they do with the beings who appear in thier revival pods, other than killing them? How do they control the ones they enslave? What do they make the slaves do? What would they do if they managed to defeat the Revived? Kill them? Imprison them again? Make them into servants?

 

The Revived council seem like an interesting bunch - though Sidorak is still mentioned in Jeluk's profile - but why is ancient there? He was killed by The Shadowed One, using disintegrator eyebeams. There wasn't any body left to be revived. If you wanted a Dark Hunter there, the on;y canon one I can think of who would fit is Guardian, though he was killed quite recentlym], during Teridax's reign, so he would need to have been promoted quite quickly. I'd just make one up, like you did with Jeluk.

 

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]-The Revived find Storage Room B, production goes up dramatically [/font][/font]

Production of what, exactly?

 

There is only one important character in the Important Characters section. It's a small thing, but it irks me.

 

Overall, I like the ideas behind this game - I really think it has potential to be great, even contest-winning, if it were given a bit more polishing.


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#49 Offline Zakaro

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Posted Mar 22 2013 - 07:45 PM

A few points about Reborn in Red: (I realise I've left this a little late, but that can't be helped now).

 

First off, I like the concept of this game. The Red Star is a new and unexplored aspect of canon, and this RPG seems to do that exploring quite nicely. That said, a good idea also needs good execution, which looks a bit haphazard here. Reading the RPG, it feels like it was quickly thrown together, rather than carefully planned out and then written as a cohesive whole. All of the necessary information is there, but it's scattered around so that you have to dig for it, rather than layed out in a clear and organised manner.

 

A bit more info on the Kestora would be good. They're small, blac and purple, have some impressive tech and don't like visitors, but what else? What do they do with the beings who appear in thier revival pods, other than killing them? How do they control the ones they enslave? What do they make the slaves do? What would they do if they managed to defeat the Revived? Kill them? Imprison them again? Make them into servants?

 

The Revived council seem like an interesting bunch - though Sidorak is still mentioned in Jeluk's profile - but why is ancient there? He was killed by The Shadowed One, using disintegrator eyebeams. There wasn't any body left to be revived. If you wanted a Dark Hunter there, the on;y canon one I can think of who would fit is Guardian, though he was killed quite recentlym], during Teridax's reign, so he would need to have been promoted quite quickly. I'd just make one up, like you did with Jeluk.

 

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]-The Revived find Storage Room B, production goes up dramatically [/font][/font]

Production of what, exactly?

 

There is only one important character in the Important Characters section. It's a small thing, but it irks me.

 

Overall, I like the ideas behind this game - I really think it has potential to be great, even contest-winning, if it were given a bit more polishing.

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]Hey, two days is plenty of time to apply advice to something. :P[/font]

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]I can understand how Reborn in Red would feel slightly haphazard, truly. Most of it stems from the fact that I simply make it up as I go, instead of letting it complete itself in my head. Then there's also the fact that I don't rewrite things when I really should... [/font]

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]More info on Kestora, k. Main reason I've been hesatating on putting more in is simply that we don't have much information of them as a whole, and I was feeling lazy didn't feel as if more additions were needed. I was wrong, so yeah. [/font]

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]Eh whoops[/font]

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]Ancient is there because I didn't look up how he died and just went for the fact that he was dead, so I can see how that turned out. :P Yay, time to make up another person. [/font]

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]Production as a whole, really. Storage Room B has lots and lots of random stuffs. Lots. [/font]

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]Heh heh, yeah. However, I don't need to change the title cuz now I'm gonna have another Council member and possibly the Kestora leader person so yeah :P[/font]

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]Hey, thanks for pointing out those things that will help with the polishing. Always gotta strive to be better. :)[/font]

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]I'll get around to fixing/working on these things in the morning, sleep is more important than BZP (sometimes)[/font]

[color=rgb(128,0,128);][font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]Zakaro[/color][/font]


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#50 Offline The Lorax

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Posted Mar 22 2013 - 09:56 PM

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]Hey, two days is plenty of time to apply advice to something. :P[/font]

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"][font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]I'll get around to fixing/working on these things in the morning, sleep is more important than BZP (sometimes)[/font][/font]

That's good to hear. One more thing, then, If I may (and I'm not sure how I missed this the first time through):

 

There's no section on character limitations. Species, masks etc that aren't usable, and how many characters per player. Those are sort of important to the game... unless that was intentional and we can play a Makuta wearing the Vahi?

 

EDIT: Oh, and another thing. This is more of an idea than a suggestion - it might make for an interesting plot. The revival pods in Bo-Wahi revive rahi. The entire visorak horde was killed on Artidax just a few months ago, so a lot of them should have come up. Granted, some of them may have been too badly burnt in the volcanic eruption to be revived, but if you wanted, the jungles in Bo-wahi could be filled with as many Visorak as invaded Metru Nui in 2005. And maybe they wouldn't want to stay in Bo-Wahi if there is better prey outside of it...


Edited by The Lorax, Mar 23 2013 - 01:01 AM.

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#51 Offline Zakaro

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Posted Mar 23 2013 - 07:26 AM

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]...Eh whoops. Again. [/font]

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]*adds to list*[/font]

[font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]On the edit: If you don't mind, I'm gonna use that- in a way that's s[/font][font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]lightly different, but still with Visorak invasioning. [/font]

[color=rgb(128,0,128);][font="'comic sans ms', cursive;"]Zakaro[/color][/font]


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The Journey has reached the first destination, the City of Flames...   ^_^

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#52 Offline Toa Levacius Zehvor

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Posted Mar 23 2013 - 04:07 PM

Okay, I can't give all of the sudden RPGs that popped up full reviews. But I can do something - a game I call BEST & WORST!

 

After this, though, I'm done with reviewing and the like. Sorry. :|

 

IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD

Best: The best thing about this RPG is the idea of the second world presented by the Double-Life drink. I am slightly confused as to just how people interact with each other in the 'dream state', though.

Worst: The worst thing? That would be the ever-confusing thing about why the Karz such large groups of the Matoran population are allowing themselves to be segregated in the way that they have with this RPG.

 

DESOLATION

Best: I've been looking for this set-up/setting for a very, very long time. It's not very often that a good western RPG pops along, especially considering how easy the existence of Bara-Magna makes it.

Worst: The only complaint I have is that any plot points are hidden in the sand. It's not that big of a deal, though, when you consider how short this RPG is compared to most others. A map might be cool later down the road, as well.

 

RIDDLES OF WAR

Best: The best thing about this RPG is, honestly, the idea of playing a canon character - but I think it's executed wrong. You shouldn't just let people grab for canon characters; make them work for it - let it be some kind of reward for decent play. Why? Well, because you want to be sure that the person playing a character will actually play them true to character. We don't want to suddenly see a Turaga Vakama who charges into battle with an axe. That's not realistic.

Worst: The worst thing is confusion with the plot. Why did Teridax create the Makuta again? How did he do so? Why not just create a new race if he really needed one, or have the most loyal servants he had in the universe do stuff for him. And how did he, knowing every aspect of the universe, not notice this is happening? I'm also somewhat confused - is this happening in the universe, or on Bara Magna? Going along with that, why are the Baterra serving him? And why does Makuta need other races in his army - the Rahkshi were enough to pretty much take on everyone else by themselves. Finally, the reasoning for creating shadow Matoran out of the others confuses me.

 

THE SPHERUS MAGNA SOCIAL SOCIAL OBSERVATION EXPERIMENT

Best: Definitely the idea of having the player actually be a 'character' of the world.

Worst: How restrictive it is for no real clear reason. This RPG definitely could use a few more races. Perhaps the experiment setting could also be a little more fleshed out an interesting, with a bit more diversity. The stuff relating to the volunteers is kind of bland.

 

-Toa Levacius Zehvor :flagusa:


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#53 Offline Dual Cee

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Posted Mar 23 2013 - 05:03 PM

Thanks dude, I'll edit my entry to make things clearer.
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I'm back!


#54 Offline Canis Lycaon

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Posted Mar 23 2013 - 05:57 PM

Okay, two short reviews.

 

Desolation

-Does this occur before or after the reforming of SM?

-How long has the Church of the Beast been here?

-Tourism? That is what makes the reforming thing confusing.

 

SMSOE (Did not want to type out that name in full)

-What exactly are the Personality and Physical archetypes? I mean, I can't group people into groups if I don't know what these groups are.

-About IC and OOC:

  -OOC posts are traditionally allowed in the RPG topic, but you can't have an OOC only post.

  -What about posts from the perspective of supervisors? (Like: [Insert name] is of the pessimist archetype.)

-You say no killing, but why would that matter? Why would people be fighting? Isn't this a civilian personality study?


Edited by Canis Lupus, Mar 23 2013 - 05:57 PM.

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I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#55 Offline GTS

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Posted Mar 23 2013 - 06:07 PM

SMSOE (Did not want to type out that name in full)

-What exactly are the Personality and Physical archetypes? I mean, I can't group people into groups if I don't know what these groups are.

-About IC and OOC:

  -OOC posts are traditionally allowed in the RPG topic, but you can't have an OOC only post.

  -What about posts from the perspective of supervisors? (Like: [Insert name] is of the pessimist archetype.)

-You say no killing, but why would that matter? Why would people be fighting? Isn't this a civilian personality study?

[font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;]-The Archetypes become relevant later on, their purpose is purposefully left ambiguous for the time-being.[/color][/font]

[font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;]-IC and OOC[/color][/font]

[font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;] -This has been stated in the rules (I think).[/color][/font]

[font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;] -Those are OOC posts. [/color][/font]

[font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;]-Either way, who says the Volunteer group doesn't include some people of an.... unstable mental disposition?[/color][/font]


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#56 Offline Canis Lycaon

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Posted Mar 23 2013 - 06:43 PM

Okay, my responses are just on the IC and OOC rules.

 

-For the first one, I saw that in the rules. What I'm saying is that this rule is bad. You say we can't have any OOC posts at all. Like, just saying, '[Insert player], [Insert character] is still in the park, not the Shopping District.', would be better for the RPG topic than the discussion one.

-The problem for the second is that you have something that isn't really IC or OOC, but really in the middle. You really need a new category, like a ISC (In supervisor character) section.

 

(Levacius reviewed your RPG too.)


Edited by Canis Lupus, Mar 24 2013 - 06:48 AM.

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I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#57 Offline Evex_Wolfwing

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Posted Mar 23 2013 - 09:51 PM

I like Desolation. I'm considering playing it, but college may make that difficult. Still, I'll make sure to vote for it.

 

It does feel a bit breif, and it feels like their is a lot to be explained. But I guess that is the part where we play it. I would like to know a bit more about the Church of the Beast.


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So what happens next? 


#58 Offline I Am Ultron Six

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Posted Mar 24 2013 - 10:18 AM

Okay, two short reviews.

 

Desolation

-Does this occur before or after the reforming of SM?

-How long has the Church of the Beast been here?

-Tourism? That is what makes the reforming thing confusing.

Before. Thats why I call it Bara Magna, since it reverted to Spherus Magna once it was all nice and whole again,

 

Church of the Beast I have left deliberately mysterious (this sort of applies to Evex as well) is so people can investigate it. Maybe someone doesn't want to play as a Bionicle cowboy and want to be a doctor or scientist, looking at the Church gives them something to do. And if no-one does then it gives me a potential plot line to use :P


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I am Ultron Six, a cybernetic intelligence created by Doctor Henry Pym. My imperative is to bring peace and order to this world. I am about to fulfil that imperative; for the extinction of humanity…begins now.

the_ultron_imperative.jpg

Soon the earth will no longer be habitable for any biological organism: Man, woman, child, plant, animal, fungus or bacterium. All life will cease to exist. This is not a threat, there is nothing you can do to stop it. The process has already begun. I receive no pleasure in this, it is simply the only solution. There must be peace and order, the end of life on earth will ensure that. Goodbye.


#59 Offline Canis Lycaon

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Posted Mar 24 2013 - 11:05 AM

So, a last minute review of Riddles of War. Revisions that are more plot based are yellow, grammatical ones red.

 

It is 1001 AGC. Makuta Teridax took control of the Matoran Universe and banished Mata Nui into the unknown. Everything went like in the normal Canon up untill Bara Magna. For Mata Nui wasn't banished to there but he was flung out into space and his location remained unknown. Makuta efforless conquered Bara Magna and took new beings into his army. (Reprogrammed Baterra, Skrall, Bone Hunters and Vorox.) With these new additions he easily defeated the Rebellion inside his body and the Order of Mata Nui was dispatched. Teridax then recreated the Makuta, hower he altered them so that they could not make [color=#800000;]viruses[/color] or plot against him. Also he turned all Matoran into his own Shadow Matoran servants. He then assigned two Makuta to each island in the Universe. After that he focussed on Galactical conquest and was never heard of again. [color=#daa520;]So, why are the Battera serving Teridax? And how is he never heard from again if he is the universe?[/color]Hower, the Order had faked defeat and had retreated to the unguarded southernmost island named Xievia and created a [color=#800000;]fortress[/color] there, fittingly naming it "New Daxia". Their powers grew and started plotting to reclaim their [color=#800000;]universe[/color]. But a Makuta named Yovanon discovered their precense and reported it to the new brotherhood. In fear of Teridax ' reaction to their inattention, they assambled an incredible army force and marched to Xievia. They were able to push the Order back but their lack of Militairy knowledge prevented them from taking over New-Daxia. They created a wall to defend themselves from the Makua armies, and many battles were fought after that, always resulting in huge losses for both factions. Also the order was able to free some Shadow Matoran, most turned out to be Av-Matoran. [color=#daa520;]What? If their are two Makuta to each island, then how did the Order make a fortress? And if they are in the southernmost island, why don't they leave the MU and go onto a planet that Teridax lands on, and just liberate that? And why are all of the freed Kra-Matoran Av-Matoran?[/color]Two Days Ago: A strange temple appeared before the coast of Xievia, containing ancient dicriptions about an invincible "Army of Death" and huge walls carved with riddles. This invincible [color=#800000;]army [/color]was a spark of hope for both factions wanting to end the [color=#800000;]war[/color] as soon as possible. Dark Hunters were spotted on the island the [color=#800000;]first[/color] time, [color=#800000;]their[/color] whereabouts remain unsure. [color=#daa520;]So, a temple appeared out of nowhere? Could you tell us what the DH have been doing since Teridax took over?[/color]The Riddle Carved on the wall:"IN THE SHADOWS OF A GIANT, REVEALED BY A MID-DAYS SUN LIES THE ARMY HIDDEN, ACCESABLE ONLY DURING CLOUDLESS RAIN"Both faction tried solving this riddles, but only to fail. [color=#daa520;]Wait one second. How can both try to solve the riddles if only one faction can control the temple?[/color]And the rest of the story is up to you to decide...

The RPG:

As you may have noticed this RPG is made to be easily altered by the player, so please do so  :)This RPG is meanly about two things: RIDDLES AND WAR.Do you love letting your mind solve puzzles or are you rather a fighter, this RPG is always something for you.You can alter the game itself by many ways, e.g solving riddles, creating new locations, creating new factions or winning certain major battles on the battlefields. You should post as GER: (Game Editing Request) when doing so.You can take controll of every Canon character!!(With some little exceptions of course) [color=#daa520;]Do you mean as PCs or NPCs?[/color]And here are the factions:Order of Mata Nui:Location: Right side of the island.Base: New-DaxiaGoal: Free the universe of the MakutaLeader(s): Counsil of Tuyet, Turaga Helyrx, Turaga Tahu, and Melding Teridax. T[color=#daa520;]uyet? Really? Because you know, she didn't try to take over Metru Nui and become a fascist dictator. Also, why is Tahu, of all people a Turaga? He only used to be one of the most powerful beings in existence.[/color]

Goal: Solve the riddles to end the war sooner [color=#daa520;]I made this it's own line. Shouldn't they have some objective like, 'Free the MU from Teridax.'?[/color]Allies: Av-MatoranArmy: Toa, Order Members, Various Matoran, KrahkaBrotherhood of Makuta:Location: Left side of the island.Base: New-Destral [color=#daa520;]Why does the island have three different names?[/color]Goal: Crush the rebellion. Prevent Teridax from discovering what happened. Solve the riddles to end the war soonerLeader(s): YovanonAllies: Kra-Matoran WorkersArmy: Visorak, Rahksii, Makuta, Skrall, Baterra, Bone Hunters. Dark Hunters:Location: Scattered all across the island, hidden from sight.Base: A hidden base located somewhere on the left side of the island.Goal: Try to earn something of the raging war.Leader(s): The Shadowed OneAllies: None, (Corrupt Members of other Factions)Army: Dark HuntersMore to come for people can create their own.

Locations: 

Xievia:

 

Posted Image 

Mt. Mataro:A high Mountain covered by snow, beware of Rahi and Dark Hunters when scaling it. There are also many caves inside beware of inhabitants when investigating oneLavola Jungle:A deadly jungle filled with unknown Rahi and other Creatures. [color=#daa520;]Could you give us some examples of these Rahi?[/color]Temple of Light:The Most Sacered place on whole Xievia, a smalll circular building lit by bright glowing lightstones, it is connected to both sides of the wall by small land bridges. Hower it cannot be used to get to the other side of the wall because of the so named walls of respect, beings of the Brotherhood and the Order and all the other factions can not go trough the opposite door, unless one of the other side wants so. Hower Dark hunters can pass trough. This temple is the home of all riddles and the center of hope for all combatants on the island. Their respect is that high that no being will ever fight or steal a thing inside this temple. Only Dark Hunters have that great disrespect to just ignore the sacredness of the Temple. [color=#daa520;]Change the name. Now. The name is just really bad for being a place of nonaggression when one side is completely aligned with shadow.[/color]New Daxia:The last remaining foretress in the hands of Good. Heavily guarded and protected this building serves as the Base of Operations of the Order of Mata Nui.Av[color=#daa520;]-Koro[/color]The freed Av-Matoran crafted a village out of sicks for themselves, they live there in medium peace, hower it is heavily guarded by them.Lake KauKau:An extremely deep lake, controlled by the Order, it is the only non-salt water source on the island and is exremely wanted by all factions, underwater there are caves which serve as homes for water-breathers. [color=#daa520;]Umm, salt water doesn't exist in the MU, and the inhabitants don't need to drink water.[/color]Sea of Sands:This dry No-Ones land is home to many hideouts of rebelling factions.Wasteland of pillars:This strange part of the desert which has vertical pillars of about 32 foot long sticking out of the ground. [color=#800000;]It[/color] is very [color=#800000;]mysterious[/color], the desity of pillars grows near the center. In the center there is the central stone sticking out in both [color=#800000;]length and[/color][color=#800000;] [/color]thickness. This location was the host of a very bloody battle in the past.New Destral:Created by the Brotherhood to oppose New Daxia, this heavely guarded city foretress is the main base of the Makua and the home of the Shadow Matoran.Dark Hunter foretress:Secret base of the Dark Hunters, it's location and even it's existance is unknown. And many More Locations YOU can make...

Profiles:

 

A profile needs to be createn this way; 

[color=rgb(102,0,102);]Name[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]:[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]([/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Name[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);])[/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Species[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);] :([/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Intelligent[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Rahksii[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);],[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Toa[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);],[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Makuta[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);],...) [/color][color=#daa520;]You know, Makuta are normally not allowed for a reason. They are way too overpowered.[/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Element[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);] :([/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]If[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] applicate[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);])[/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Powers[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]:[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]([/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);]E[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);].[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);]G[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]:[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Av[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]-[/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Matoran[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Power[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);],[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Skadi[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Vision[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] power[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);],...)[/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Personality[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]:[/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Brief[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]History[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]:[/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Faction[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]:[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]([/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Dark[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Hunters[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);],...)[/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Tool[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]:[/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Special[/color][color=rgb(0,0,0);] [/color][color=rgb(102,0,102);]Items[/color][color=rgb(102,102,0);]:[/color]

  

Equipment and Characters:

    [*]You can be a Canon character, feel free to take whichever you want unless he's already taken or listed as [color=#800000;]dead[/color]. (A list will be made to keep track on this.) [/list]
      [*]Hower, feel free to make your own characters with their own background.[/list]
        [*]All Known Canon Species are allowed, even Makuta(No GB's(Velika is allowed!) or Elemtental Lords) So all ones listed here or here. [color=#daa520;]This needs to change. Element Lords were from SM. This game doesn't have SM species in it, from what I can tell.[/color][/list]
          [*]All Known Kanohi are allowed(All Masks have their Canon Limitations, Masks of all the elements are allowed)[/list]
            [*]The sole Exception to the above rule: Vahi, Ignika, Mask of Creation, Avohkii and Kraahkan are not allowed. The Olmak can only be used as Teleportation withing the island itself and to create portals to the Field of Shadows. [color=#daa520;]Just combine this rule with the one above it.[/color][/list]
              [*]Beings can only cary Two Special Items(Kanohi or Foreign Tech, eg: You can have Two Kanohi, One Foreign Tech and a Kanohi or Two Foreign Tech) Note: Toa Tools with special powers also count as this. [color=#daa520;]I'm confused. Your examples make it seem like it is three, but the rule only allows two.[/color][/list]
                [*]Kanohi should only be worn by beings who have them in Canon(Note: Skadii Can Wear them) [color=#daa520;]But can Skakdi use their powers here?[/color][/list]
                  [*]Self made species are allowed, as long as you can specify what the powers are and a Moderator of the RPG approves it.[/list]
                    [*]All Canon Elements are allowed except Light(Hower Taka Nuva, Av-Matoran and Umbra can use it) [color=#daa520;]Um, if all of the freed Shadow Matoran are Av, then why is Light not allowed?[/color][/list]
                      [*]You can make as much characters as you wish, [color=#800000;]how ever[/color] up to Two Canon chars are allowed, to give newer members a chance. [color=#daa520;]No character limit? You should have one, otherwise I could have 30 PCs, and that would get out of control really quickly. I suggest eight.[/color][/list]
                        [*]As Foreign Tech, let your imagination flow  :) (Keep it not too overpowered.)[/list]

                        Rules:

                          [*]Be fair (What else is left to say)[/list]
                            [*]Follow the BZPower Rules, this should not be a problem right?[/list]
                              [*]There is No Godmodding, instant Hitting, instant Healing, Instant Travel(Except for Teleportation users) or Being the Puppetmaster. [color=#daa520;]It is called bunnying, not 'being the puppermaster.'[/color][/list]
                                [*]Respect the Temple of Light, there's no fighting, stealing or crossing the Mental Gates Except you're a Dark Hunter[/list]
                                  [*]There is No Riddle Stealing if someone recovers a tablet of Riddles you've got to know the text on it from someone who has it, you cannot just know whats the riddle. [color=#daa520;]I do not understand this rule in the slightest.[/color][/list]
                                    [*]Battles are [color=#800000;]decided[/color] opon who's the better RP'er. This is not too hard right? [color=#800000;]How ever[/color], if there's a problem concerning a battle you can drop a staff member a pm and he'll decide the battle.[/list]
                                      [*]Respect Each other, that'll make the Game much nicer.[/list]
                                        [*]There is no stealing or killing other persons characters without [color=#800000;]their permission. However[/color] Tablets of Riddles can be stolen that way.[/list]
                                          [*]Make use of IC(For in character) OOC(For Outside Character) and GER(Game Editing Request). The latter can be used to change he story of the RPG itself, if you solved a riddle you use it, if you create a new faction you use it,.... [color=#daa520;]GERs should just be PMs.[/color][/list]
                                            [*]Enjoy the game  :)[*] [/list]

 

Well, those are my thoughts.


Edited by Canis Lupus, Mar 24 2013 - 11:10 AM.

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I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#60 Offline GTS

GTS
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  • 23-September 09
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Posted Mar 24 2013 - 10:24 PM

A review/snarkfest of Tyler Durden's The Best Laid Plans, in [color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]Saddle Brown Courier New.[/color][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]“Hey, I’m gonna visit the sky today[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Hey, I’m gonna dance on the clouds today[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]And make it rain on everybody beneath us[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Just because they try doesn't mean they can be us[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]No, nobody can be us…”[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][font="'Monotype Corsiva';"]The Best Laid Plans[/font][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][font="'Monotype Corsiva';"]A Tyler Durden Production[/font][/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]*****[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]They rise thousands of feet into the air, towers of blackened steel, their glowing orbs of lights fiery torches in the eternal darkness of this polluted wasteland. [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]And from them comes a message, droning in the air of a perpetual night. [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]“Please, all craft evacuate Sub-District 1745. Gas leaks have lead to emergency conditions. Do not enter. Repeat: all craft evacuate Sub-District 1745, a now off-limits zone.”[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The broadcast fizzles out.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Silence falls.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]And it starts again.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Sub-District 1745. [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Home to twenty three hundred citizens, wiped off of the face of the planet. [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]They tell us it is gas leaks. [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]But even children think otherwise.[font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;]This last line gave me chills like you wouldn't believe.[/color][/font][/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

*****

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][font="'Monotype Corsiva';"]The Story So Far[/font][/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]  [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]You give a man a nut and a bolt, you give him the resources to build God. You give him a screwdriver and wrench to go with it, and you challenge him to do it.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;]Good start.[/color][/font][/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The Matoran and Agori had to learn that the hard way: not very long after the death of Makuta Teridax, everything was all about peace and goodwill between the two vastly different species. The humanitarians of the two societies brokered different deals, negotiated day and night, worked to try and unite the yin and the yang that the two cities had become into one autonomous shape. Suffice it to say, it went nowhere, fast. The Agori just didn't have the trust in the Matoran and Toa, considering them half-sentient at best, while the Matoran and Toa, proud beings by any right, refused to deal with the scorn their organic counterparts bestowed on them whenever they so much as walked across the street. Tensions flared, and soon, elements followed suit. On the brink of a war they knew they couldn't afford so soon after the destruction of their old home, the Toa and Matoran fell back to the old Great Spirit robot and began cobbling together a masterpiece.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]War. War never changes.[/color][/font][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The best part of a masterpiece, as any true genius will tell you, is that no one knows what exactly it is you're putting together, so naturally the Agori and Glatorian were taken by complete surprise when on a day like any other, a masterpiece, in the form of a city, shot itself up into the clouds, carrying along an entire civilization for the ride. And what a masterpiece it was: the city was an entirely self-sustaining work of engineering, just as much art as it was a habitat. The Great Spirit robot had been torn apart, its technology repurposed and its technological quirks used to create the city of Phan-Metru.[/font]

My inner steampunk squealed when I read this. I imagine this is steampunk to a degree?

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]But as much as the Matoran engineers tried to avoid cutting corners, a project of Phan-Metru's magnitude just didn't work like that. Namely, the problem had popped up over and over again during conception, design and construction was also the problem that needed to be solved most: how to power the city. Self-sustaining technology was all well and good sounding, but the Great Spirit Robot's machinery was completely totaled by the Melding, and the Prototype Robot's power source would be good for about fifteen minute's worth of energy before completely evaporating. Mata Nui's power was gone and the Ignika's usage to power a city would have detrimental effects on the entire population. The debate raged on for weeks until finally, one Nynrah Ghost posed an idea that was mad, pure folly, but the more and more the engineers thought about it, the more and more they liked the idea.[/font]

[color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]Mysterious.[/color][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The city, the engineers decided, would run on Antidermis.[/font]

[color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]Mysteriousness gone.[/color][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]There had been tests run on Antidermis in the first days of the new civilization, and it was discovered that when mixed into a certain compound and distilled just right with Toa Power, Antidermis would react placidly enough that it could be bottled up and still used as an energy source, without the volaitility of the original Antidermis. With that in mind, enough Antidermis was "purified" so that the city could properly run autonomously. And run it did. It ran hard and it ran valiantly and it ran like a dream for a good fifty years or so before there were any problems. As a matter of fact, it ran so long that the government didn't even believe there would be any problems.[/font]

[color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]Hehe. Silly politicians.[/color][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Until there was a problem, and when it hit, it hit with the force of a sledgehammer.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;]Am I the only one who thought of Red Faction: Guerrilla when they read this?[/color][/font][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The Antidermis had escaped: somewhere, in the purification process, something had gone wonky, and quite a bit of sentient Antidermis slipped through the cracks in the Phan-Metru security system before the entire control room was put on lockdown; it's not enough to completely quell the leak, but it at least keeps the city floating for now. The Antidermis, as of now, is AWOL. The Suits are not quite sure what became of it, though The Powers that Be have certainly taken note recently of the fact that there is a slowly climbing variety of violent crimes taking place in areas that don't fall into the purview of the Rabble: the press has also caught onto this fact, and is doggedly pursuing the cause of the growing crime rates, unaware of the broiling, hellish substance beneath their very feet that both gives their city life and could be its death.[/font]

[font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;]This is why power sources shouldn't be sentient. Or encourage crime.[/color][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Welcome to the world you live in: some of the Antidermis used to power Phan-Metru has escaped, with more leaking slowly by the day. Who screwed with the once-perfectly running machines, enabling a leak? Why do they want to knock the city out of the sky? Where is the Antidermis at now, and is it related to the growing surges of crime and hostility throughout Phan-Metru? That's what the Suits would like to know, but they're running out of time to figure it out. The Gumshoes are looking for answers, and fast, and the Rabble is growing impatient with the increasing opaqueness of their government. The Coppers are on standby, ready to fire on their own family and friends for the good of their country. The city in the skies is floating above civil war by just an inch, and one good shove from any side...[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Well. You get the idea.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]*****[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;]OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: Very well thought out and engaging. I feel I'm going to really enjoy the city and characters as they develop. I must ask, though, is the city flying, or just really freaking tall?[/color][/font][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][font="'Monotype Corsiva';"]Factions[/font][/font]

 

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]This game is rather outside the box when it comes to factions. There are no factions in this game in the traditional meaning of the term, due to the motives and objectives of various groups being mostly incompatible one with another. However, there are four main "interest groups", if you will. These would be the government, the press, the military, and the masses, or as they are popularly referred to, the Suitsthe Gumshoes, the Coppers, and the Rabble.[/font]

 

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The Suits[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The main goal of the Suits is, primarily, keeping the entire city in one piece and under their control. With the situation worsening every day, they now resort to often authoritarian, mostly underhanded, tactics to retain power and order, often at the expense of the other groups. As of yet, they still retain command of the Coppers, but if cark goes down, and the Rabble - which by now remains, aside from all the catastrophes, the most likely thing to break the Suits' grip over the city - gains an upper hand over the Suits, the Coppers can turn the tables on their employer. The Suits' relationship with the Rabble, while we're at it, is rapidly deteriorating - the Rabble are gradually and anything but slowly losing more and more rights, being forced into more and more difficult conditions of life every day. The Gumshoes aren't entirely safe, either: for now there's still a free press, but that right just might slip, given the proper motivation.[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Good Karma: Friends in high places; assistance from the Coppers, when required.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Bad Karma: Characters are almost universally hated, often victims of personal or propreitary [font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;](typo)[/color][/font] attaks [color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"](typo)[/color][/font][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]Basically, politicians. I can't see why anyone would want to play as a politician, but this is the Internet, so I'll allow it.[/color][/font][/font]

 

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The Gumshoes[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The Gumshoes have, primarily, one objective: to discover the truth of what the cark is actually going on here. Unfortunately, nowadays that's becoming a rather difficult task. The Suits, as mentioned before, still allow free press - but what "free press" means in this city, exactly, is a matter as subjective as deciding what music is the best to listen to when cooking risotto with salmon while drinking a cup of hot chocolate. They are usually under constant surveillance, if somewhat passive, by the Coppers, and viewed with immense distrust by the Rabble. With no friends, no subordinates, and no supporters, the Gumshoes, more than ever before, have to rely on their own wits and skills to reveal what the actual rabid pancake is going on.[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Good Karma: Access into otherwise restricted areas; can get high ranking sources in Suits or Coppers.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Bad Karma: Their dogged protection of their sources leaves them open to persecution and smear campaigns.[/font]

 

[color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]Private Detectives. ALL MY YES.[/color][/font]

 

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The Coppers[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The Coppers do, mostly, what they're paid for - maintain order. Under the current circumstances of life in Phan-Metru, the task is neither the easiest nor the most simplistic, which is often problematic because thinking is often not a Copper's favourite pastime - they prefer donut eating. With the Rabble being more and more troublesome every day, more often than not the Coppers find themselves the enforcers of the Suits' authoritarian ways, more often protectors of the regime than of the law. It is under these circumstances that many of them find questioning - yes, their brain cells are active enough to process such complex thought, I know, amazing, right? - their loyalties.[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Good Karma: Access into otherwise restricted areas; the Suits and Gumshoes, when required, may give assistance.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Bad Karma: Characters are occasionally hated, almost universally disrespected; need to follow orders from the Suits.[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]Stereotypes. Stereotypes everywhere. But hey, they seem fun.[/color][/font][/font]

 

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]The Rabble[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Lastly and unfortunately leastly, there's the Rabble. There are about 200,000 people on this city, but only an obscure, perhaps ten percent minority is not part of the Rabble. They are the the overarching grey masses of working class citizens pushed to the very edge, living a shallow existence on a dying city where the Coppers are untrustworthy, the Gumshoes are untrustworthy, and the Suits are doing their very best to maintain an atmosphere of mistrust by both willingly and unwillingly pushing the Rabble further down. The Rabble, of course, resents this, and when capable, or when it thinks itself capable, it resists. It is the Rabble who are the most dangerous threat to the Suits, though it may not look that way - there is nothing stronger than a guy down on his luck who is just trying to survive and might just possibly decide that tossing a rock at you will help.[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Good Karma: Support from other members of the Rabble; undisputed control over some of the more...lawless...regions of the city.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Ba[/font][font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]d Karma: Terrible financial status; disrespect from the Suits, often from the Coppers.[/font]

 

[color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]Yay, I get to be poor! Sort of like in real life! Once again, they seem like fun, and it'd be nice to see the Rabble make some massive changes in the game world.[/color][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]*****[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][font="'Monotype Corsiva';"]The City Itself[/font][/font]

 

Picture a city the size of Metru Nui, but largely divided by class instead of by element. A city of 20,000 strong and growing, Phan-Metru is an amalgamation of the latest and greatest tech from the old Matoran Universe, plus a series of generational improvements and experimental ideas. Viewscreens like those of Metru Nui line the skies, along with budding chute systems where personal speeder races - highly lucrative, but totally illegal - have become the norm in many parts of the city. Meanwhile, the center of the city itself and its outskirts have become where the well-to-do stay, along with many journalists and cops who don't work the beat in the grimier parts of the city. [font="'Monotype Corsiva';"]Places of Interest[/font] Plaza Nuva - The throbbing heart of Phan-Metru, the Plaza Nuva is the business and tourism center of the city. It's the place you want to be if you expect to have any sort of quality of life beyond lower middle class. Businesses, police stations, and high rise condominiums dot the streets, stabbing up towards the skies like giant Protosteel swords, attempting to impale the clouds. Almost always crowded with people.

[color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]City centre: now with padding and guff![/color][/font]

 

 Typewriter Town - As you can plainly guess, this is where most of the Phan-Metru journalists camp out and talk. It's a quiet little part of town, with cafes, low-key bars, and various parks and the like; it's almost as if the entire district were solely invented for the sake of having Gumshoes meet up with their sources inconspicuously. There are about half a dozen small residential buildings, but nothing much in the way of creature comforts beyond a simple safe house for a high-placed source.

[color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]This appeals to me as a writer. I shall live here.[/color][/font]

Gearheadville - Screw Antidermis: adrenaline runs through the very veins of this part of the city. Speeder stores, garages, repair shops...if you can think of it, and it pertains to personal transportation, it's in Gearheadville, and it's in spades. The mechanics are a wily sort; jaded and rough, always stained with a touch of motor oil. They know more than they let on, too: Gearheadville is where you go if you're looking to get involved with a street racing league and earn a few bucks. Just expect to earn yourself a bit of a rap sheet while you're there.

[color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]I shall live here also. I shall have two houses. *crosses fingers for combat racing*[/color][/font] Stab 'N' Grab - Not exactly The Ghetto, not exactly Gearheadville, but close. the Stab 'N' Grab, as it's so coarsely named by the more highbrow citizens of Phan-Metru, is not the kind of place you want to rep. It's similar in appearance to the Plaza Nuva, if darker and more wicked. The air is slightly thicker and more dangerous here, as though there's blood intertwined with the carbon and oxygen. As you'd expect, there's no honor among thieves here at the Stab 'N' Grab, so don't just watch your back, watch your front, your sides, your diagonals and your wallet, too. 

You may have noticed I said wallet: yes, I know bringing your cash into a place called the Stab 'N' Grab doesn't sound smart, but this little corner of the sky happens to have the best black market this side of the stratosphere. Technology months - sometimes even years - ahead of what the Suits have under their belt can be found in prototype form, depending on who your connections are. Background checks for weapons? Well, well, it looks like we have a funny guy on our hands.

[color=rgb(139,69,19);font-family:'courier new', courier, monospace;]I've played enough Jak II to survive in the slums. *stand back, I got this*[/color] The Ghetto - You may have noticed I mentioned The Ghetto. Also known as the Outskirts ('Skirts) or the Fruit Loops for their distinct shape and coloration, this place is almost as aptly named as the Stab 'N' Grab: this part of the city is pretty much the epidermis of town, wrapping around Plaza Nuva in three levels color coded Blue, Green, and Red, Blue on the outside edge of the city, Green in the middle, and Red being the closest to the city itself. Repping these colors in the wrong places could get you robbed, beaten down, or worse if you don't play your cards right, but they all share a certain camaraderie in that a good 80 to 85 percent of the population calls one of the colors home. Many of the chutes from Gearheadville that are home to street racers run through The Ghetto as well, as well as certain black market operations that have been pushed out of - or escaped from - the Stab 'N' Grab, so it's not uncommon to see a good bit of crime here, either.[font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;]It's like the slums, but... not the slums.OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: Some interesting locations (of which I will have houses in) and some not-so-interesting locations. They balance out nicely, though. Gearheadville sounds particularly dynamic.[/color][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]*****[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][font="'Monotype Corsiva';"]Rules[/font][/font]

 

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]1. No god-modding. Most of you probably know what this means, but in the event that some of you do not, there are three basic types of modding. The first is autohitting, wherein you hit another PC without either permission or having given a chance for them to respond. The second is metagaming, which is when your character knows something they should not be able to know. Like a character all of a sudden knowing what is happening across the city with no reason. Finally, no performing things your character should not be able to do. This means no elemental manipulation at insane levels, like using lightning to atomize a solid object. No dodging things that you should not be able to dodge. That includes "sudden feelings" that make you want to dodge an unseen attack. And no "He tripped, acidentally [font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;](typo)[/color][/font] avoiding the attack". Both of those are very large no-nos. In conjunction with the above, Nova Blasts are expressly forbidden without prior staff consent.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]2. As you might have guessed from the above, there is no "Thou shalt not kill PCs" rule. If your character is put into a situation where they cannot escape without modding, your character will die. This does not mean, however, that you have permission to go around killing other people's PCs. Character death will be strictly monitored.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]3. Use IC (In Character) and OOC (Out Of Character) in your posts. Example:[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]IC:[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Vakama ducked down, barely evading the shadow hand that grabbed the pillar above him. "Going to have to try harder than that!"[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]OOC: Anyone want to back him up? I'm kind of outgunned.[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]4. Keep OOC only posts to a minimum. And by minimum, I mean that one or two is allowable, but any more than that, and I'm going to step in. PMs are around for a reason.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]5. Respect the staff. This includes the Head GM, and any other staff members that he may hire. They are where they are for good reasons,  and they are just trying to do their jobs. If you feel a staff member is being unfair, contact one of the other staff member, or the Head GM, and we will sort things out. [/font]

6. As much as we would prefer not to use it, there is a punishment system in place. The first offence will come with an official warning, carried out both in PM and in the topic. Second is a warning, plus a major character injury. This is your last chance to turn back before we have to start bringing out the heavy consequences. Third is a temporary ban, the length of which will be decided based on the severity of the offence. The fourth offence will kill all of your characters, and carry a second temporary ban. This is your last chance to turn yourself around. The fifth offence will ban you from the game, forever. Leave the topics, do not come back. Now, due to the inherent flaws of a tier system, some of these skips can and will be skipped over if your action is severe enough to warrant it.

[font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;]OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: Good solid set of rules.[/color][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]*****[/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][font="'Monotype Corsiva';"]Character Creation[/font][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]This is the profile template you'll be using. Please note, that species such as Makuta, Great Being, Krahka's species, and a few others are explicitly forbidden. The Glatorian and Agori are more or less banned due to the backstory, unless you have a really good reason. Masks such as the Avohkii, the Mask of Shadows, the Vahi, Olmaks, Masks of Summoning, and the Olisi are forbidden. Any and all unique masks are forbidden, and the staff reserve the right to deny any overpowered masks that we have not yet thought of. Elements are the same story: no Light, no Shadow, no custom elements except Crystal and Oil.[/font][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;color:rgb(139,69,19);"]A bit restrictive, but all understandable. Except for the custom Kanohi thing. I can't see why people shouldn't be allowed to use their own unique masks. With approval, of course, but still.[/font]

 

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Name: Pretty straight forward. Keep it Bionicle-y, and no canon characters.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Species: Again. Pretty self explanatory. See the above for any banned species. [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Gender: Do I even have to point this one out?[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Appearance: What your character looks like. [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Powers: Here's where you list your element, your mask, or any other power types inherent with your character.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Skills: Good at using your element? Strong fighter? Psychologist? What your character is good at.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Weaknesses: You have to have one. What is your character bad at? What problems do they have?[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Equipment: Here's where you put your weapons, your pencils, your first aid kits. What does your character carry with them?[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Bio: Your character's past. What are they like? What have they been through? Also doubles as your character's personality section. Must be at least two sentences long, and if you go for the minimum, they'd better be exceptional sentences.[/font]

[color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]Profile building fluff. All fairly reasonable.[/color][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]*****[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][font="'Monotype Corsiva';"]Dedications[/font][/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Even though this was mainly an in-house production, and I kept most of the details to myself beyond the introduction and basic premise, I think it would be apt here to make some dedications and special thank yous to the people who not only inspired me to make this game possible, but to the people that inspire me on an all-around basis almost every single day of my life. Get some Kleenex handy, smoke if you got 'em: there are feels on the horizon and there's no way around 'em.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Special thanks to the people who inspired me to get into the RPG forum: to everyone who's still kicking that played Requiem, this one's for you, to Exo-Fat, you mad frickin' genius, to anyone who ever read one of my pre-2011 "open for interaction" posts and figured "eh, why not?" this one's for you. Thanks for giving me a ride for this long and this far: from here on out, it's my turn to drive. Be warned, I don't like speed limits.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Special thanks to everyone in the BZPRPG that, for some unfathomable reason, put me and my writing on a pedestal and gave me a shot to shine in a game where nobody is really supposed to shine. Special thanks to Dov and Krayzikk, who will stay up at night as late as they need to if it means me pitching them one of my crazy ideas during a hallucinogenic fugue staTe. Special thanks to Snipe for so much more than I could ever list. Special thanks to Grochi for giving me a chance to keep my insult Humor sharp. Special thanks to Vorex for keeping my real insults sharp. You all are my muses. Never change.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Much love to everyone in my WC crew: here's to Ghost, aka David Tennant's young doppelganger, you're pretty alright, even if you are the new kid. To Veef/Corv, aka Commander Shepard, aka Joss Whedon of Western Europe, you have an incredible talent for doing what you do: you're a genius artist, a great writer, and one of the realest and kindest people I know. To Francis, aka the Master of Disguise, aka OG Fruit Bowl, I have nothing in my heart for you but love and admiration. We've been doing this thing togethEr since the beginning, and I want to thank you for giving me a boost when I've felt like quitting, having my back at the good times, the bad times, and the worst times, and being just a general astounding human being every day. Special, special thanks to Biebs and Rene, aka Dr. Jekyll and Mister Indeterminate Gender, aka Beauty and the More Beauty, aka What Would I Do Without You Two?, two of the most astounding human beings I've ever come across, for their constant love and encouragement, whether it's necessary or not. I'm proud to have you two as spouses, and I'd like to thank both of you or molding my writing Style and making me what I am as a writer and a person - or, rather, what people tell me I am - more than either of you could ever know. [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Finally, last, and anything but least, thank you to Nuju Metru, aka Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of San Francisco, aka Brunette Joffrey, aka Skinny Love, aka The Cheerio Bandit, aka Aaron. Whether you know it or not, RPing under you This past year, getting to know you, hanging out late at night telling terrible jokes and coming up with actors for our characters, all that stUpid stuff that we took for granted ended up changed my life. Even though I maDe sure never to tell you I even had an RPG concept caught up, even though you never saw a word that's in this post before today, your fingerprints are on almost every inch of this entire game from the intro to even these dedications. You have so many talents, and I got nothing but faith that you're going to use them to the best of your ability, squared, throughout your entire life.  You're going to change the world by the time you're done with it: it's just a matter of when you start. I'm honored to call you one of my best frIends in the world, and I love you, Aaron, even during the times where I pretend that you're not, and that I don't. Here's tO the future: it's ours for the taking.[/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"] [/font]

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]Take care, everybody. Enjoy the game, and God willing we'll all meet again in Techna III: The Search for a Proper Ending.[/font]

[font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"][color=#8b4513;]Yup, they're certainly dedications.[/color][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"]-Tyler [/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][color=rgb(255,255,255);]I'm seriuos [font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"](typo)[/color] about the Techna thing.[/font][/font]

 

[font="arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"][color=#8b4513;][font="'courier new', courier, monospace;"]OVERALL OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: Tyler, you've written a fantastic entry with lost of depth and dynamicism (that's a word now) and I strongly look forward to playing it (there's really no contest here). Good luck :)[/color][/font][/font]

 


Edited by Clockwork Kineticist, Mar 24 2013 - 10:25 PM.

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