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Mixed Up - The Return Of The Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings

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187 replies to this topic

#81 Offline Phovos

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Posted Mar 15 2013 - 07:42 AM

Okay, I spend the day with a Threavok and I return to find that my basement is full of Lemonade...

Lemonade with a capital L?


Oh... Hey, Tahnok. We were just about to...

Oh, I know. I read the previous chapter.

Huh... I thought you'd do that.

Of course I would. I use this to spy on you guys. It's easier than hiring someone to spy on you guys...


Don't make me get the flamethrower!


That was random.


So where are the other guys?

Nuhvok and Gahlok? They're still trying to sell lemonade.

Wait, does that mean we won?

Pahrak, of course. We've sold ten times the amount they have.

Can I ask how?

He added a secret ingredient.


What is the ingredient?

A secret.



Why are you dancing?

I've finally won something!

Oh. Congrats. So, what about the others?

It did take Gahlok twenty minutes to paint a single sign...

And about fifty to set up the stand...


Nuhvok didn't really help.

How so?

He just stood around being grumpy.

Typical Nuhvok then.


So, who do I need to be angry about, with all this lemonade in my basement?

Erm... Me...



You haven't been set up to say this have you? You're not being framed?

No... It was my fault... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it...

I forgive you.


I accepted Pahrak's apology.

You'd have killed me.

Hey, he was honest! Everyone else would have lied and tried to pin it on someone else.

Oh. Fair enough. So, want some lemonade?


Yay! Happy ending!

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:18 AM.

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#82 Offline Phovos

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Posted Mar 18 2013 - 11:32 AM


Oh, don't be sad, Nuhvok. We can't always win. Pahrak and Kohrak did a fiiiine job selling their lemonade!

We should have won!

But they sold more lemonade than us.

I don't care!

Don't be angry.


I thought you were supposed to make lemonade with lemons... Or at least lemon drizzle cake...

No! Instead, I'm going to make a hole in Space Time!

Oh dear...

One hole in Space Time, coming up!

Oh... Sparkly.

I'm going in.

Nuhvok, don't go in, it might be dangerous!


Never mind. Don't listen to old Gahlok. Do as you want. Just disappear and do as you please. Typical... Oh, you forgot to close the portal...

Hey, Gahlok. Wassup?



I don't follow.

What's up?

Oh! Nothing. Nuhvok's very annoyed. He created a hole in space-time again.

Is it Space Time or Space-Time?

Not sure. But Nuhvok jumped through his hole and disappeared.

Where does the hole go?

I don't know, I'm scared to look.

Let me poke my head in and... Woah...

What is it?

It's... It's cold... Very cold. And snowy.

Your head is covered in snow...


What did you see?

Not much. Just snow and mountains.

Do you think it's safe to go in?

Yeah. Why not?




Let's go!




Gahlok? Nuhvok? I baked you guys a runners' up cake! Oh... Where are you? Oh... Hole... Hello? Oh dear. They seem to have disappeared...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:18 AM.

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#83 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Mar 22 2013 - 09:55 AM

So this has taken me forever to review.





[color=rgb(0,0,255);]Oh, don't be sad, Nuhvok. We can't always win. Pahrak and Kohrak did a fiiiine job selling their lemonade![/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,0);]We should have won![/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,255);]But they sold more lemonade than us.[/color]

I get the feeling this is how opposition to the free market was born.


[color=rgb(0,0,255);]Oh! Nothing. Nuhvok's very annoyed. He created a hole in space-time again.[/color]


[color=rgb(0,255,0);]Is it Space Time or Space-Time?[/color]

How exactly does one differentiate between the two choices with simple verbal communication? "Space-Time" and "Space Time" sound exactly the same when spoken...


[color=rgb(0,0,255);]Do you think it's safe to go in?[/color]


[color=rgb(0,255,0);]Yeah. Why not?[/color]








[color=rgb(0,255,0);]Let's go![/color]







And thus Teletubbies was born.


Good chappies, Phovos.



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#84 Offline Phovos

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Posted Mar 26 2013 - 02:18 AM


Don't call for him like that. He's not a dog. And he'll read this later and correct us, saying that it is indeed Space-Time with a hyphen.

Oh yeah. Both you and Nuhvok read this.

I think everyone reads it apart from you. Now. Where are we?

In a snowy place. But the mountains aren't that high.

All mountains are high though. That's why they're mountains, not hills.

That's a hill over there though.


I think we need a better vantage point.

Okay! I'll climb that tree... Oh.

I'll just use my magnetism powers to make me float into the air.

Mind doing that for me too?



Was that you, Gahlok?

Oh? No. It was just that dragon over there.




Or put out the fire with a vacuum blast.

Or do that.


Magnetic shield?

Does that work against ice?

Apparently. Since when could Dragons use ice breath?

Gahlok, they're mythical beings. We're beings copyrighted by a human toy manufacturer.

Good point.

Hin Lah Loan Dovah Lah?

Pardon me?

Ah. You Dwemer machines do not speak the tongue of the Dov.

I assume Dov means dragon.


Oh cool! A real dragon! I always wanted one as a pet!


Yeah. I always hoped Tahnok would accidentally turn himself into one and I'd keep him as a cute little pet and I'd stroke him and pet him forever and ever.

Okay. You're weird.

What are you beings? I assumed that you were creations of the Dwemer, but you speak like Muz.



I think I will just stick to using your simple, ugly language.

Great idea, matey.

So you're a dragon? Will you be my friend?

And what's your name?

My name is Lokmahro, or Sky Fall's Balance in your tongue.

Hai! My name's Lehvak and this here is Gahlok.

Interesting. The name Gahlok is not far off one of our own worlds, Pahlok, meaning Guardian.

Interesting... So, where are we?

It is clear that you are lost. It is possible that you are not from our time. This is the land of Skyrim.

Oh wow.

We're not in some horrible Team Fortress place then?

Skyrim's in another universe completely.



There has been much unrest here. The World Eater has been banished or possibly killed. The Dov lack a leader of any kind. Paarthunax is not strong enough to lead us. And the fabric of time has been torn asunder with the appearance of multiple Dovahkiin.


I am so lost.

Me too... Hey, Lokmahro, have you seen our brother Nuhvok? He ended up here too. He's like us, but black and not very nice.

No, I have not. You beings are very strange.

You can say that again!

So are these dragonborns bad?

One kills us for pleasure. The other kills us and feeds on us. The third is much more humble, spending her time attempting to convince my fellow Dovah to stay away from Muz.


Say, you going anywhere special?

I was hunting. But if you wish, I can take you to my home. We can then travel from there and find your brother.


If you so desire.


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:18 AM.

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#85 Offline Phovos

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Posted Mar 28 2013 - 08:57 AM

Okay, I'm getting worried. Where the heck are they?

I have no idea! I only wanted to give them Lemonade! My special Pahrak-Kal Lemonade of Heavenly Beauty.

Is that what you sold it as?

No, I sold it as a cure for Power-Loss and as a cure for acne.



Wow, the things people will buy.

Also, I sold it as an anti-aging potion. Because it has tachyons in it.



Nothing. Only a breach of, like, you know...


Anyway, back to worrying.

Why on Threa or Ethra or Earth or Kolasi or wherever we are are you worrying?

Because Lehvak and Nuhvok are both missing and you KNOW how destructive those two can be!


Kohrak, they nearly drove me to suicide.

Well, that was partially your fault too.


You were being a sensitive little daffodil.


You know, those yellow flowers that turn into balls of fluffy seeds that you can blow away.

They're dandelions.

What, really?

Yeah. Daffodils are the yellow flowers that grow from bulbs and come back every year.

Oh... How do you know so much about flowers?

Lehvak made me eat a daffodil.


You done arguing about flowers?

You done being a pansy?

Again with the flowers!

Well, if you weren't such a sensitive little daisy, they'd still be here!

Yet another flower reference.

Don't be a silly petal. I'm doing it on purpose.


Anyway, as I said, don't worry! Gahlok's with them! How much damage could they do?

If we end up with something utterly disastrous happening, I'm blaming you.

No blame for me?

And you. You both know what Nuhvok's like when he loses.

Next time he loses, I'll steal his Krana for a bit so he can't complain.


I'll push him down the stairs.

What's with the sudden burst of violence? Can we go back to talking about flowers please? My favourite flower is a sunflower.

Sunflowers are nice. And they can be incredibly tall...

Remember that one that grew in Veekay's garden? It was as tall as all of us combined!


Jeez. You guys are such daisies.

And you're a Stinking Billy.

A what?

It's normally called a Sweet William... Unless you live in Scotland.



I think I'm going to go outside and get a life.

Alrighty then!

See ya.

We should get some flowers for around the house.

Lavender is always nice...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:19 AM.

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#86 Offline Dapper-Sama

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Posted Mar 28 2013 - 09:44 AM

How did I MISS all of these chapters! Dat Dragon.

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Morally unambiguous.

#87 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Mar 29 2013 - 08:16 PM

[color=rgb(0,0,255);]I'll just use my magnetism powers to make me float into the air.[/color]


[color=rgb(0,255,0);]Mind doing that for me too?[/color]






[color=rgb(0,255,0);]Was that you, Gahlok?[/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,255);]Oh? No. It was just that dragon over there.[/color]

That was rather...sudden.


I'm liking this dragon character. Hope he shows up again.


Good chappies, Phovos.



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#88 Offline Hitoshura

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Posted Mar 29 2013 - 09:28 PM

How did Lehvak know that Dovahkiin means dragonborn? Does he have like psychic powers or something?
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#89 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 05 2013 - 01:16 AM

Wow, my 4000th post. That's the third most posts I have ever reached on a forum. The most being over 6000 posts on my beloved SPUF.

And you're wasting it here.

Why not? This is the only thing that people here read.

Good point. So, how are you planning on celebrating?

I made a cake!

I was going to ask Pahrak to make a cake but he's already done it.

I'm useful!

You're normally useful. If it wasn't for you, the others would just live off cookies.

Except we have no physical need to eat...

You'd be so fat...

You're fat.


Nuhvok, I didn't know you could sink down to such low levels of stupidity. Calling a Raptor fat? Are you ASKING to be decapitated?

And what are you doing here anyway?

Oh, we've put our current Skyrim story on hold so we can have a nice 4000th post story instead.

SKYRIM? We were in Skyrim?

I... I thought you'd worked that out already.

We could have been on Threa for all I know.

Ah! I think me ol'mates, the Bohrok're back!

Ditch the stupid accent, Veekay.

Ditch the stupid colour, Arkay.

Fine. I'll use gold instead. Despite being bright yellow. Can't use black either because that Bohrok's using it.

Ahem. You mean one of the main characters in the comedy?


Okay, guys, let's stop arguing and go back and think about all the times we've had.

Like when ya'll thought my house's haunted! Ya little maties are such scaredy cats!

Or when you all nearly drove Tahnok to suicide.

Let's not get into that, please, because it reminds us all of...

Remember when me and Tahnok were besssstessst friendssss!



You know I still don't want to talk to you, right.

Yessss but... I wanted to ssssay ssssorrrry.

Don'cha dare say 'SAW-ry!', Doc!

I vas not going to say anyzing.

Hiya, guys! Glad you made it!

And Ah have a workin' teleporta now, s'we can get home naow.

I love your accent, Engineer.

Ya're welcome, son.

No love for ze Medic zhen?

Nope. Hate the lot of you. Dumb humans. Oh, Phovos, did you know that those Argonians are ripping off your style?

They're not ripping off my style. They're more like crocodiles than raptors. Plus, those feathers are just decoration. The ones around my wrists actually grow.

Is there a point to all this?

Yah, o'course, matey! Why d'ya think we spent all that time settin' up those tables fulla food over there?

It just seems stupid celebrating 4000 posts on a forum that Phovos rarely visits, to the point that she only posts in THIS thread.

Is it a Thread or a Topic? I'm never sure.

Does it matter?


Oh hi, mister fluffy-wuffy!

I told you, Bohrok, my name is Lokmahro.

Interesting. You related to a friend of mine called Lokmah?

No. Can someone open a window please? I would like to try some of those sweetrolls.

Sure, mate! Here ya go!

So what's all this about?

I don't know any more. Shall we all go and eat?

Yes please! I'm hungry.


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:19 AM.

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#90 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Apr 05 2013 - 04:15 PM

Ooh, yay Lokmahro! I like all the random references and 4000th post.
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-Rahkshi Guurahk
GENERATION 3: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
If I actually tried putting all the stuff I like on here, the sig would burst.



(This banner is created by http://www.bzpower.c...er/59020-onaku/ )

#91 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 06 2013 - 09:00 AM



No, Pohatu. That yellow 'threa' thing went back to using yellow the second the previous chapter ended.

Oh. Sorry, Pohatu. How are you? I haven't heard from you since I decided that I wanted to be a Toa!


Did my application go through?

You're already officially a Toa. I told you that ages ago. Erm... Where are your brothers?

Which ones?

There are six of you, right?

Yes. Which one do you want to speak to?

Well, preferably, all of you. But I'll take whoever I can get...

Is something wrong? You sound all shaky and nervous like you saw a zombie.

How in Mata Nui's name did you know about that?

Know about what?

The zombies!

I... I didn't?

Oh... So, yeah, we've got a problem.

With zombies? Zombies are icky and nasty. Not as nice as flowers. I wonder where Tahnok is? I want to talk about flowers again.

Yeah, they are nasty, but I need your help, Pahrak.

Oh? How?

Plasma and fire are great elements to use against fighting zombies. So is gravity or magnetism. Electricity or vacuum at a push.

Not sound then?

Sound is a stupid element.


O...kay then...

Yeah... Kohrak always gets annoyed. He's been grumpy the last few days because he was ill on his birthday and we didn't celebrate it properly.

That's not very nice.

Well, Tahnok made him a cake. It was Tahnok's birthday too.

Huh. Well, after this zombie thing is sorted out, remind me to buy them both a present.

Sure! Wait, you want me to help with the zombie thing?

Yeah. We've got NO Toa available.

But the other guys are busy... Well, apart from Kohrak, but since he's in a bad mood, he won't help us anyway. Nuhvok and Gahlok and Lehvak are in a strange place called Skylim with loads of dinosaurs and stuff.

That's... Weird.

I know!

So, are you going to help?

Of course! I'd love to help my bestest Toa friend!

Good. Come on, let's go. Those zombies won't kill themselves.

Okie dokie!

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:20 AM.

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#92 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 07 2013 - 07:26 AM

We need to hurry. Those zombies might get out of control!

Yes sir, Pohatu! Look! There's another Toa already there!

Smash your skull... Break your bones... So many monsters...

Fellow Toa? Glad you're here, we could use all the help we could get.

Indeed. These monsters have already devoured many, many Agori and Matoran.

Oh dear! Stand back, let me flame up all these zombies. 

Good idea, Pahrak! You distract them, I'll get all these survivors and take them up the hill. We can defend more easily there.

Or we could just kill all the survivors as they are probably infected anyway.

Or we could be rather sadistic and dark... Who are you?

Voxumo. Toa of Ice.


They should call you the Toa of Being Bleak and Depressing.

All Toa of ice are like that...

That's a shame...

Wait, are these zombies randomly exploding?

I altered the chance of the zombies dying from the flames.

That's an interesting ability! Can you alter the chance of them turning into confetti instead of black bile?


Aw, that's a shame. That Mask of Possibilities must be quite limited...

I could if I wished, but we do not want Matoran thinking that becoming infected is a good thing.

I thought that turning into a zombie would obviously be a bad thing.

That's what I thought, but never mind.

You two ought to be quiet and concentrate.

Oh, I am. Being a machine, I can do more than one thing at once!

Missed one.


No worries.

Pohatu Nuva, do you wish for me to assist you or help the Bohrok destroy this menace?

Stick with me for now. Pahrak's got it under control.

Are you sure?




Double positive?


Triple positive?

Bohrok, do not make me alter probability so that your Krana turns into confetti, as you desired earlier.


Don't be cruel. Pahrak's doing a fine job.

Actually, I have an idea!

Oh great.

I do, seriously!

What's your idea?

Why doesn't Voxumo here change the possibility of this illness, so that it's got no chance of spreading and it's 100% likely that it can be instantly cured by oxygen?


That's a really good point...

Hang on. Give me a second while I work on that.

Yes! Pahrak, cover him! I'll keep these stragglers away and move those Matoran over there.

Sure thing! Ew. Exploding flaming zombies are nasty.

You can say that again!



I wasn't!

Okay... I have done it...

Where am I?

Don't worry, Matoran, you're safe now. And cured.


Good work, team!


Too soon?


He's a Toa of Ice. You get used to it.


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:20 AM.

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#93 Offline Hitoshura

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Posted Apr 07 2013 - 09:23 AM

Zombie apocalypse. Never expected that in here.
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#94 Offline Vinheim Maran (Vox)

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Posted Apr 07 2013 - 02:53 PM

Yay Confetti. 

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Finally, my signature has returned to its natural state of near-nothingness.

#95 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 08 2013 - 01:04 AM

Is that a skeleton down there?


Down there. Necromancers run rampant around here.

Necromancers? Are they beings who bump old threads on forums?

Don't be silly. They obviously bring skeletons and dead things back to life.

Oh... Did a necromancer cause the zombie apocalypse in the previous chapter?

Of course not! That was Voxumo. Which explains why he was already at the scene.

Are you seriously blaming the guest star for the zombie apocalypse?

It is not an apocalypse if the world did not end. Although there may be a similar fate here. Alas, we have almost arrived.

Wow, it's bloody freezing here.

This is the Throat of the World. The highest place in all of Skyrim.

I can see my house from here!

You can?

Yes! Through that shiny portal!

Oh yeah! But...

It's getting smaller!

I am unable to reach it...

Aw, it's closed now.

I really hope we are not trapped here.

I shall land us on the ground. I think your friend may be here with Paarthurnax...

And then I said "Don't worry, I'll save you!" and I jumped down and threw the bad guy into the lava and I grabbed the princess and leaped away, using my awesome gravity powers. And then I was challenged to a competition in which I had to sell the most lemonade, but the other guys cheated by selling their lemonade as a de-aging potion and... Oh, hello, brothers! Me and Paarthunax were just chatting.

Lokmahro... Thank heavens... Ahem, I mean, what brings you here? Oh dear. You have brought more of these beings...

Has Nuhvok been talking your ears off?



You just spoke a whole paragraph.

What? I was enjoying the conversation!



A monologue is when one being speaks.

You were speaking too. And technically a monologue is a dialogue.

That is true. You can be rather wise with your words if you take a few seconds to take a break every so often.

I don't need to breathe. What's your excuse?

How is that an excuse?

Are you well, Paarthurnax?

No. Take this creature away.



You're making me angry!

Hey, Nuhvok!


Pahrak made cookies!

Oh, cool.

Do you wish to ride on my back too, dark being?

Lokmahro, I do suggest not speaking to these Daedra.

They are Daedra?


Yes. Their voices have the habit of driving one to insanity... Oh, hello, Phovos.




Combo breaker.


Dov, you wished to speak to me?

Oh, yes. Phovos. The Mage College in Winterhold has discovered a portal. They are saying that Dovah have created it and they are spilling out. They were unable to contact you so they contacted me, rather annoyingly.

Shall I bring Gerik along?

Leave him out of this. I do not wish for him to kill every Dov there is.


Oh, and Lokmahro and his Daedra friends will accompany you.

They are not my friends.


Of course. Shall we?


Let's go!


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:20 AM.

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#96 Offline Dapper-Sama

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Posted Apr 08 2013 - 09:40 AM

<bane>C-c-COMBO BREAKER!</bane>


I need to check up on this waaay moar often.


Also, what about Miraak, vampires and other crazy stuff that goes on in Skyrim?

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Morally unambiguous.

#97 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 08 2013 - 12:42 PM

There's just waaaay too much stuff in Skyrim in order for me to cover all of it, but don't talk about Miraak. Just don't. He'll hear you. And you'll spoil the next chapter. And, like, the plot from Dragonborn and whatever the other one is called, because I refuse to pay 20 for a darned DLC. And apparently riding a dragon is awful in Dragonborn...Actually, to be fair, the person who created Gerik (the other dragonborn I mentioned) spoilt the two DLCs for me...Anyway, rant over, thanks! Don't fret about Miraak, wait and see...
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#98 Offline Dapper-Sama

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Posted Apr 08 2013 - 07:15 PM

Yes, dragon riding sucks in Drag'nb'rn. The Moral: You can always do better with mods.

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Morally unambiguous.

#99 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 09 2013 - 01:38 AM

Dragon riding sucks? But this is awesome!

Yes! This is amazing! It's like a dream come true! A very cold dream in which Phovos is even worse than normal.

You Daedra speak as if you know me.

We know a Phovos. Not you. You're... I dunno. More realistic.

And you are all very strange beings...

Danke, mate!


It means 'Thank you' in German.

What is German?

I give up...

Lehvak, this is like a parallel universe. There's no Germany here. Or Kolasi.

No Spherus Magna either?

Please do not mention that stupid Eye of Magnus. The Mage College nearly destroyed itself because of that.

I... I wasn't talking about that at all...


Oh? Oh... Wow. They're bigger than us.

They are just frostbite spiders. Their venom can be quite dangerous though.


Calm down, Gahlok. We're on the back of a dragon. I'm sure they won't bother us...

Lokmahro, are we there yet?

Yes. Let me land.

Good. These Daedra are bothering me... Oh dear, what is going on here.

T-that... That is Miraak... Please excuse me while I make a hasty retreat... Before he devours me...

This looks like quite a mess...

I could probably close or change that portal.


Sure. I'm good at that sort of thing. Most portals are just gravitational rips in space-time anyway.

That made very little sense...

You're going to fight with a bow?

Shh. A sneak attack will lower his health, meaning the battle will end fast.

None can defeat me! Not even you, little, pathetic Dragonborn.

That's not very nice.

Don't worry, guys and gal, I got this.

Argh... What is happening? What is...



His head... It just exploded...

Aw, and there I was, hoping for a cool, interesting battle between two Dragonborns and a bunch of dragons.

Dov stin!

Dovahkin los Saviik!

We have been saved... Again...

The Dragon-Eater has been destroyed...

Dragon eater?

Miraak... He harvests our souls to become more powerful...

Which is why you ran away like a sissy.

Los onik wah ru. Dinok los dur.

What did he say?

Probably something about how running away is wise and that death is bad.

How did you know?

What, I was right? Wow. Random guess wins the day!

As does making the bad guy's head implode.

I'm gonna grab that guy's pointy stick.

I have already looted the body. This staff is...

Lemme see!

No. This staff can be used to create portals to other realms. It is unsafe.

We could use it to go home!

I could take us home whenever I want.



Jee, thanks. You're so useful, Nuhvok.

Yeah. Now close that dumb portal before I hit you.


What do we do with this staff? I do not trust myself with it.

We shall take it back to Paarthurnax. He will guard it.

Oh, lucky him.

I want to go home now.

Why? This place is cool. And everyone keeps on calling us Daedra.

That is not a good name to be known by. Most Daedra are evil.

We were considered evil back home anyway. Well, until we all got killed in horrible ways... Bloody Toa.

That is... Most unusual, little being.

We're called Bohrok.

Little Bohrok.

Let us leave now, Phovos, before my fellow Dov attack us.

I'm sure they're fine. They probably saw what Lehvak did and decided to lay low for now.

Well, if I saw what I did, I'd lay low too.

That made little sense.

CAN WE GO NOW PLEASE? Those spiders over there are scaring me.

Yeah, sure. When we get back, remind me to have a go at the real Phovos. ​That fight was really anticlimactic. I mean, I know she can write decent fights, yet this one was just stupid!

But long fights are just repetitive these days.

What is going on here?


Oh dear. They're snogging.

D'aw, it's romantic.

Bleugh. Let's go home.


Bye bye! Thanks, Lokmahro!

Good bye.

Good riddance.


What? We all know that was a stupid adventure!

Eh, it was alright...

Oh, hi, you three! Where on Kolasi have you been?

Long story.

Huh. Well, glad you're back. I baked cookies. Because... Erm... We kinda ate all of Pahrak's ones...

Yay! Cookies!

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:21 AM.

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#100 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 10 2013 - 03:56 AM

Good work, everyone. The zombie crisis has been dealt with!


How we just need to work out what caused this zombie crisis and how we can stop it from ever happening again!


Gosh. So much work, so little clues so...



We already worked this all out in the previous chapters!

We did?

You didn't read the last chapter, did you?

No, of course not! I only read the chapters I appear in.

That's silly.

No, it isn't!

So you missed the bit where my brothers said "Voxumo did it!"?

Oh dear.

Wait, what?

See! He has that guilty, "I accidentally created a zombie virus" look on his face!

It WAS an accident. And it was also partially my curiosity.

You did this?

Yes. Accidentally.

That's how he managed to fix it so easily. He knew all along!

Little Bohrok, you do realise that I will have your head by sunset.

HEY! Don't you threaten m-

And you can spend some time frozen, Pohatu.

Darn, you appear to be slightly evil.

Not at all. I just do not wish to be punished for my mistakes.

You could have just apologised and said "I'll never try and make a zombie virus probable again."

The Toa do not apologise.

Yeah, I kinda noticed. None of the Toa Nuva, apart from Pohatu, have apologised for killing us in horrible ways. We are alive, for Mata Nui's sake.

As long as you wear your Krana...


Gargh! You burnt me!


You were going to turn me in. I cannot have that.

Tough! You've harmed Matoran, caused pain and suffering, frozen a Toa and attempted to knock me out! I'm placing you under arrest, as is my authority to do so as an Honorary Toa!

You will have to catch me first! 

Don't you DARE throw snowballs at me!

Aaargh! The ground! It's melting!

I'm going to trap you here!


Ow! Don't bash me on the head with your weapon!

I will do as I please, Bohr... What is tha-OOOOPH!



I believe I have landed on something rather spikey...




Yes I am. But just call me Lokmah. Lokmahro sounds silly.

It doesn't...

My fellow Dov always say it does.

I think it's a cool name, but I'll call you whatever you want.

Thank you.


What is this?

You landed on Voxumo. He was trying to kill me... You SAVED MY LIFE THANK YOU!

You are... You are welcome?

Thank you!

Please don't hug my head like that.

Oh. Sorry. One sec...

Ooer... What just happened?

I melted you.

What is that?

He's the dragon from the previous chapter.


And he saved my life. Voxumo tried to kill me and Lokmah fell on him and squished him.

Shall I get off him now?

Ow. I think I'm about to pass out.

And he is now unconscious.

Yeah... I'll take him back with me. He'll have to do some community service work like cleaning up rahi mess for a few weeks.

Yay. Happy ending!

Gah, Voxumo's heavy. Anyway, thanks for the help, you two. I'll see you guys later.


So long, strange, mechanical being.

He's called Pohatu, he's a Toa.

Hm. Interesting.

So... What now?

I do not know...


Do you want to go flying on my back?

That, Lokmah, would be the most awesome thing ever!

Hop on.


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:21 AM.

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#101 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 11 2013 - 09:57 AM


You tired or bored?


Sick of the peace and quiet?

Kinda, yeah.

I'm not.

Well, the thing is... Maybe we need a bit of excitement? Just to spruce up our lives a bit?

I don't follow.

The other guys make our lives not dull...

I thought you always wanted a dull life? I always did.

Yeah but... I dunno... The others... Pahrak went with Pohatu and he's not back yet, and the second Lehvak, Nuhvok and Gahlok got back, they went off to see where Pahrak went.

No they didn't. They went next door.


Veekay invited me round while you were at the shops. Then the others arrived and made a mess. Me and Veekay got quite annoyed and made them clean up. Although I'm unsure if they're still there.

Did they apologise?

No, I had to apologise for them. Typical.

Very typical of them.

When I next go shopping, I'm going to buy Veekay something nice.

A bottle of wine, maybe?

Veekay doesn't drink. Something about 'Ksa not being allowed to be drunk'.

I thought their Ksa guys were on duty 24/7?

Yeah, but Veekay's taking a break as of late. Apparently he's been temporarily exiled. Because his brothers are a bit messed up. Those Threavok are a confusing bunch.

Sounds like us.

I feel sorry for him.

I feel sorry for us...


Do you... Do you ever feel that the people who read the Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings dislike us?


Do you?


It's not just me then.

Not at all.


You know what?


We should ask.


I'm going to ask the three people who read this what they think. Are we really the most hated characters? Who's the best Bohrok? Is Veekay really one of the best supporting characters in the BZP comedy section?

That last one was rather random...

Someone actually nominated him for that award.


So, all you people who read this, let's get some answers out of you! 1. Who's the best Bohrok-Kal? 2. Who's the worst? 3. Who's the best supporting character?


Oh darn.

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:22 AM.

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#102 Offline Kanakalackin

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Posted Apr 11 2013 - 10:32 AM

[color=#ff0000;]Oh no. What just happened?[/color][color=#000000;]What are you talking about, Tahnok?[/color][color=#FF0000;]I think Phovos went and got rid of all those other characters, Nuhvok.[/color][color=#000000;]Meaning? I don't follow.[/color][color=#00FF00;]Meaning that it is just me in this dumb lime green text.[/color][color=#FF0000;]Oh, hi, Lehvak.[/color][color=#00FF00;]Heya, Tahnok. But yeah. Phovos realised that she had way too many characters in this comedy, and has decided to bring it all back to its old roots. Six characters plus a couple of guest stars. And the occasional other being that Phovos wishes to introduce.[/color][color=#0000FF;]So I am back in BLUE AGAIN?[/color][color=#00FF00;]Yes, Gahlok. You're blue again. Pahrak gets his brown colour, Nuhvok's back in black, Tahnok's that horrible #ff0000 red, Kohrak is in grey.[/color][color=#808080;]WHY AM I IN GREY AGAIN?[/color][color=#FF0000;]And what's wrong with #ff0000? I happen to like 100% Red...[/color][color=#0000FF;]Kohrak, we can't read your bloody white text. No one can unless they highlight it. And because we don't use the normal "Gahlok: Hello!" format, we don't want to inconvenience the readers any more.[/color][color=#000000;]Our very existence inconveniences people. We're the Bohrok-Kal. Everyone hates us. EVERYONE. Everyone and their pet dog hates us.[/color][color=#8B4513;]What's a 'dog'? Is it a human thing? I think you've all been spending too much time with humans and stuff![/color][color=#FF0000;]I haven't, Pahrak. I've been spending time with Phovos and those strange new species. Threavok or whatever they're called.[/color][color=#000000;]How long have you been staying with them, Tahnok?[/color][color=#FF0000;]About 6 months...[/color][color=#000000;]And you don't know what species they are? Pathetic.[/color][color=#FF0000;]Not my fault there are like 6 versions of them with all different names! We have it easy. We're all called Tahnok, Gahlok, Nuhvok, Pahrak, Kohrak or Lehvak. That's it.[/color][color=#000000;]You should see the Bohrok Empire. It's great.[/color][color=#8B4513;]Bohrok Empire?[/color][color=#000000;]Yep. Outside of this planet, outside of Spherus Magna, there is a whole galaxy of planets all ruled by Bohrok. It's awesome.[/color][color=#0000FF;]And, er, Nuhvok, how do you know about that?[/color][color=#000000;]I'm a general in their army. Even if you only have the emotional level of a simple animal, they'll hire you.[/color][color=#00FF00;]I've just been hitch-hiking across the galaxy. I stopped off on Phovos's home planet. I stopped off at a place called Nirvana. I even stopped by the place where Medic and Engineer live.[/color][color=#000000;]Blue Medic?[/color][color=#00FF00;]No, Red Medic, why?[/color][color=#000000;]Pity. Blue Medic makes really nice cakes.[/color][color=#00FF00;]Oh, you went there too? Cool![/color][color=#000000;]Yeah. Spy is a creep and Sniper goes to the bathroom in small, glass jars.[/color][color=#8b4513;]I don't even know what doing to the bathroom is...[/color][color=#00FF00;]You don't need to know. Really. You don't want to know...[/color][color=#FF0000;]It's pretty gross. Most creatures do it. Even Bohrok in the Bohrok Empire. Not that they call it that... It's sad how we're so stupid and pointless and we don't have real emotions and there is a whole galaxy of Bohrok that do...[/color][color=#000000;]Most of them though don't have powers. They're more like Matoran in that sense.[/color][color=#8B4513;]So, can I have some cake?[/color][color=#FF0000;]We, er, don't have any. [/color][color=#0000FF;]When did we mention cake?[/color][color=#808080;]Earlier, but you were too dumb to notice. Plus, I'm the superior Bohrok, I don't need cake.[/color][color=#000000;]HEY! Don't diss the cake! The Cake is amaaaaazing![/color][color=#FF0000;]Bloody Bahrag, we're not going to have a fight, are we?[/color][color=#000000;]Yep. [/color]

The Cake is a lie!!!

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#103 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Apr 11 2013 - 05:58 PM





Good ton of chappies, Phovos. Sorry I haven't been keeping up.


I feel like Mesonak now.



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#104 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 12 2013 - 04:20 AM

Tahnok! Kohrak! We're back!

Guys? You there?

We're in the garden!

Are you talking about flowers again? Because that was a stupid chapter!

Tell me about it. At least our Skyrim epic was... Well, epic.

It's definitely called Skyrim then. Not Slyrim. Or Skylim. Or anything like that.


What on Kolasi are you doing?

Come and have a look!

I'm getting worried.

Oh coooooool.

What in blinking flip have you done?

We built a ship.

A flying one.

... Why?

Why not?

Yay! The likable, exciting Tahnok and Kohrak are back!

Wait... When have I ever been unlikable?

Oh, back during that Tahnok-Kal Love Turahk saga. You couldn't take a joke.

To be fair, you were clawing at me almost non-stop...

True... But still... A flying ship? That's like back in the Old Forum Days!

Yeah. Me and Tahnok decided that maybe the dull, normal life wasn't for us after all.

When did that happen?

About ten minutes after Phovos stopped typing out the previous chapter.

Huh... So, does it work?

It's hovering right now. It SHOULD work in water and in the air. I just need to finish wiring the boosters on the back and connect the steering wheel...

I've already stocked the ship with supplies. Mostly biscuits, diet cola and packets of crisps and peanuts...

You read my mind...

What else needs doing?

How in heck does it all work?

Solar power. And I made these fancy crystals a while back that can store a large amount of my electricity power so I don't need to spend all day powering the ship.

​So you re-invented rechargeable batteries?

Yeah, but I don't accidentally blow these up when I try to recharge them...

That's what the green stain on the wall in the living room is.

You made batteries explode? That's awesome. You gotta show me that later.



I'm baaaaack!


Oh my Bahrag, that's a dragon.

Hey! Lokmahro! Dude, you came back!

Yay! Lokmah!

It's the bestest dragon ever!

Bestest isn't a word.

Don't care. Nyah!

Ah, little Bohrok. There are six of you.


Heya, Lokmah! Those two are Tahnok and Kohrak. They're generally the sensible ones but...

Did you guys build a flying ship?


Awesome! Are we going on an adventure?

I guess so...

Where would we go?

I know just the place... But we need to get a proper crew first...

... We do?

Yes. Gahlok knows what I mean.

Oh yessssssss...

He does?

I have my own mini-swarm. 


When the Bahrag started sorting out Bohrok, they made way too many Gahloks, so I have a group of about a hundred or so of them, completely and utterly loyal to us.

When you say 'us', you mean you, right?

Oh no. I mean us. But I take main priority, so if you asked them to do something and I said no, they'd listen to me.

This could go oh so wrong...

Oh, don't be like that! We'll be fine! We just need to set up a teleporter so Gahlok can summon them.

Do it, Tahnok.


Please? It'll be fun!

Fine. The rest of you, get ready.

Everyone! On board!

Even me?

Yes, even you!


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:22 AM.

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#105 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 16 2013 - 01:26 AM

Okay! Let's go!

Wait! There's a Matoran at the front door!

Oh, erm, that's for me...

It is?


Wanna go and sort it out then so we can head off?

Sure. Back in a bit.

So many Gahloks... Making me feel sick.

Oh, don't be like that. They're my friends.




They all speak in the same colour.

That's because they're all Gahloks. A load of Tahnoks would speak in the same colour too.


You done yet, Lehvak?

Hurry up!

I'm coming, I'm coming!

What was that about?

Hm... Oh, what? Nothing. Just a delivery.

From Macku?

How do you know her name?

Well, that was obviously Macku.


She's a very well-known Matoran. Everyone knows her name.

Apart from you guys.

Didn't she appear in the old Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings?

No, but Phovos wrote a few... Odd fan fictions with her.

Like what?

Like that horrible Me VS Hewkii one.



Oh, yeah, sure. Let's GO!

Oh my, we're actually flying.

Let's go to the beach!

Beach! Beach! Beach!




That's going to get annoying VERY quickly...

I'll try keep them quiet.

Just tell them to be quiet.


So, beach first. After that, I want to go to the volcano-y place.

You mean the volcano.

Yeah. Might throw Lehvak in...

That's not very nice, is it, Lokmah?

Depends on how much you like Lehvak-Kal.

That Matoran that appeared in the earlier chapters wouldn't be amused.

He's not here. Leave him out of this.

Okay, hold on, peeps!

Get off my arm, Nuhvok.

He said 'hold on'.

Yeah, onto a rail or something, you twit.

Oh oka.... WOAH!






Lokmah just fell off!

Oh, don't worry, he can fly, he'll catch up.

I hate you Bohrok...


Except for you, Pahrak...


And we're here...

This... This isn't the beach.

What is it then?

The middle of the ocean.

We can still go swimming though.

In shark-infested waters?

Yeah! Tahnok, just electrocute the water!

It doesn't work like that...


I'll do it!

Huh. Fried shark, anyone?


Erm, guys, Lokmah is eating the sharks...

Oh, cool!

Can we swim now?

Not... Not yet...


Oh wow.

Giant squid...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:23 AM.

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#106 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 19 2013 - 03:17 AM

Get to the canons!

We don't have any cannons.

We don't?

You were all in such a hurry to leave, I didn't get a chance to install them.

You moron. The canons go on first.

I have a LAZOR gun we can use.

I have a better idea! Lokmah, come to me!

I am already here.

Oh? Oh, good. Can I ride on your back please?

Yes, Pahrak. What is your plan?

Erm, fly close to it so I can shoot it with my plasma powers.

Why haven't you done that already?

HEY! There ARE canons here!

Yeah... Well, I lied.


I know how destructive you and Lehvak are.


It means that Tahnok didn't want to give you any funny ideas.

Like what?

Like, say, using Gahlok's buddies as cannon balls...

That's a BRILLIANT idea!




I'll... I'll just go kill this giant squid. Back in a moment.

Alright, Pahrak. See you in a bit.

Let's go, Lokmah!


You're not using my fellow Gahlok as cannon balls!

Yes I am!

Nuhvok, you spelled 'Cannon' wrong.

Screw you, Phovos. I spell things however I like!


Oh, hi again, Pahrak!

We killed it!

And we brought some back.


That's... That's a lot of squid.

Pahrak was telling me about 'frying' and 'kalamari'.

I LOOOOVE kalamari.

Isn't it calamari with a c?

The word is Greek, in Greek, it's spelled with a K, but yeah, I guess you're right.

See, Nuhvok! That's how you're supposed to react when you're told you've spelled something wrong...

NO! SCREW THE LOT OF YOU. I'm going to go and kill sharks!


Did Nuhvok just leap into the water?

I think so...

Can Nuhvok even swim?

Gah! Help me!

I'll only help you if you agree not to use my fellow Gahlok as cannon balls!

Fine! I won't! Just save me!

Good! Here we go!


Nuhvok... What do you say if someone saves your life?

... Thank you, Gahlok.

You're welcome, matey!

So, who wants calamari for dinner?









Okie dokie!

So, erm, what now?

I dunno. Shall we head up to the volcano now?


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:23 AM.

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#107 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 21 2013 - 08:26 AM

Wow, this is really nice calamari!

Thanks! Glad you liked it!

Oh yummmmmy!

Wait, Kohrak, I thought you were driving?

Oh, Tahnok's driving.

Tahnok can drive?

Erm, yeah. He does have a driving license, you know...

Driving license?

I've got one of those too! Although, sadly, it took me three attempts to get it...

Don't be sad, not everyone gets it first time...

Although, I must admit, the driving tester was very annoying. He would speak really quietly, like, almost whisper, so I'd have to keep on asking him what he just said. And he nearly got us killed by forcing the car to break while the traffic light was yellow and I was already past the line.

Oh dear.

But, third time's the charm, right?


Hey, guys...


We've stopped moving.


That's not good.

Tahnok? Are you alright up there?



He's not answering.


I'm going up there.

Be careful...


Hello, Nuhvok-Kal...


And the resssst of the gang...

Hey! You knocked Tahnok unconscious!

That's not very nice!

I usssed my poisssson power to ssssedate Tahnok-Kal...

You do realise that's Phovos's colour, right, Lerahk?


Wait, you guys have your own pirate ship too?

Of course.

We would not be sssspace piratessss without one....

Dude, Kuurahk, your colour is too bright.

Don't care.

He doessss have a point...

Thisss is brown? It looksss like the sssame colour as Turahk!

Panrahk, sssshut up and tie up thossse Bohrok!

I don't think so!

You do not have a choiccce...



Nice shot, Nuhvok!



Take this!




And one of THESE!


You coward, Turahk...

You try being kicked in the sssshinssss, Lerahk, sssee how you like it!

Good idea!


Now get off our ship before we throw you off!

Just like Nuhvok did to whatshisname.



We jusssst wanted to be in thisss comedy too...

Then go and start a Rahkshi's Ramblings comedy!

Exactly! Don't go and hijack ours!

Yeah! Now, scat!


Get lost!

No apology?

You don't deserve one yet.



See ya, losers!

Now, back to the calamari...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:23 AM.

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#108 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Apr 21 2013 - 01:10 PM



[color=rgb(255,0,0);]Take this![/color]




[color=rgb(255,0,0);]And THAT![/color]




[color=rgb(255,0,0);]And one of THESE![/color]


[color=rgb(128,0,0);]AAAH! OKAY! I SSSSSSURRENDER![/color]


[color=rgb(0,128,0);]You coward, Turahk...[/color]


[color=rgb(128,0,0);]You try being kicked in the sssshinssss, Lerahk, sssee how you like it![/color]

The Rahkshi are far less formidable than I remember.


I really wouldn't mind a "Rahkshi's Ramblings" comedy. "The Adventures of the Rahkshi and Papa Makuta..." or something like that.



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#109 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 23 2013 - 11:58 AM

Oh, Phovos would never do one, she struggles enough with this piece of rubbish!

Oh, that's harsh, Lehvak.

Oh, don't be mean.

Oh, shut up.

Oh, everyone stop starting their sentences with 'oh' before I get my army of Gahlok to punch you!

That's very unlike you, Gahlok.

Get lost, Tahnypoo! I'm being different now!


It's a stupid name for a stupid Bohrok.

Aw... That's not very nice...

Guys! We're at the volcano n-OW!

Take that, you dumb, slow moron!

Ow. You just threw a Gahlok at me!

You hypocrite! You told me off when I wanted to use your stupid Gahloks as cannon balls...

Oh hey, you spelled 'Cannon' right.

Shh. You told me off, Gahlok, and now you're abusing your own squad!

Because we are loyal to our master, Gahlok-Kal!



See! Wait, did you just say cookies?

Erm... Yeah... I didn't know what to say... I say cookies when I panic...

Eh, whatever. Now, you lot, go tie up my brothers!

Heck no! I'm out of here!

Darn! He teleported away!

Nope.avi. Come on, Lehvak. Let's go.

Sure! Back to Skyrim we go!

And you've teleported away too!

Erm, I'm gonna head home too... Lokmah, you coming?

Sure. Hop on my back, little Bohrok.

Hey! Get back here! I'm supposed to hold you all to ransom and then get Turahk and his brothers to pay a huge amount of money to save you! I mean, the Rahkshi are really weak now and they're really dumb too but this was all supposed to be a debut to the Rahkshi's Ramblings!


Oh no you don't, Kohrak!


Gah, why am I bothering? Phovos won't ever write the Rahkhsi's Ramblings. It'd just end up like this comedy, really, really stupid.

Don't be sad, Gahlok-Kal!

Yeah! Be happy!

Coo... Don't worry!

Are you going to tie me up?

Oh? No... I can't be bothered. You can go home if you want...

Nah, I'll stay here with you, Gahlok. You seem sad.

I just... I just wish I was a Toa...

But you are!

Yeah... Wait, what?

Yes! Toa!

Yeah! You're a Toa!



I mean, yeah, you could be seen as a Toa...

Much better.

I... I don't follow...

Well, these Gahlok, they look up to you. At least, they do when you don't throw them. You're like, their Toa...

That's... I never thought about it that way...

Well, you can now...

Thanks, Kohrak! You made me feel much better!

Heh... So, what now?

Hm... We have a picnic basket... Let's have a picnic on the volcano!

Good idea!

Can we come?







Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:24 AM.

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#110 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 24 2013 - 03:10 AM

So, we're back in Skyrim.

We're not.

How do you know?

It's now all mountainous and snowy. I mean, Skyrim's just like a giant version of Ko-Koro.

Or Ko-Metru or Ko-anywhere-within-Mata-Nui's-giant-body.

Kopaka would love it here.

Why Kopaka?

Cold hearted son of a muaka. Just like most people here in Skyrim.

That is actually a tad harsh. Kopaka's a good guy.

Who left us all to die in a cave.

Eh, that was mostly Gali's fault, but good point.

Still, bloody Toa.

So, where are we exactly?


I thought we were over the Team Fortress stuff?


What about the others?

Oh, that's all sorted out. Gahlok and Kohrak are going to head home after their picnic, Pahrak's off to kill zombies again. Tahnok's going to make out with Turahk.


I meant 'make up'. What did I say?

'Make out'.

Oh... No, that would be really bad. That'd probably get Phovos banned from BZPower.

Honestly, I want Tahnok to teleport in and smash your face in right now.




Teleporting is so cool.

I... Ow... He kicked me right in the nose. I forgot how much that makes your eyes water...

Don't worry, they're just manly tears. Although I really didn't expect Tahnok to break the fourth wall and barge in like that...

Well, even Tahnok can surprise us and be stupidly rash occasionally. I mean, you saw what he did to Turahk in the previous chapter...

Yeah... I don't know if Rahkshi have parts the way humans do, but no matter what species you are, a kick between the legs always hurts like heck.

I've seen humans keel over from that sort of thing.

Yeah... So... Erm... Well...


I dunno. We're in Teufort, talking about being kicked between the legs. That's fairly random. Oh, and it's night time.

I like night time. It's almost relaxing.

You don't ever find it slightly scary? Like that chapter with the cardboard cut out monster?

That's why I said 'almost'.

Ah... Say, do you have a problem with zombies?

No, why?


Oh... That's not good.


Not with that attitude, you rude Scout!



Okay, those RED, zombie Scouts just ate him.

Nuhvok, they're looking at us...

Yeah. That's really creepy...

Should we run?



Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:24 AM.

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#111 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 25 2013 - 04:51 AM

Hey, Pahrak.

Hiya, Pahrak...

Hey, guys! You're back! Me and Lokmah were just having some tea and biscuits!

I never thought that sweetened, hard bread and a hot liquid made from leaves could be so relaxing.

Oh! Sounds nice!

Erm, Pahrak?


Sorry about trying to tie you up and being all evil and stuff.

Oh pssh, it's fine! I made a cake!

My Bahrag! You made a Portal cake!

Yep! And it's not a lie!

Can I have some?

Sure! Me, Tahnok and Lokmah already had some...

Mmmm, this is delicious...

Tahnok's here?

He's in his room, he doesn't feel well. I think he has a cold. He said something about influenza?

Darn. Bohrok 'Flu is pretty nasty.

There's such a thing as Bohrok 'Flu?

Eh, not really. It's just that when it passes from Matoran to Bohrok, it makes you feel really ill.

He said he thinks he got it from those Rahkshi.

That's... That's really bad...

It is?

That's not Influenza. The only illness a Bohrok can pick up from a Rahkshi is Shadow Infection...

And that means?

We might have a temporary Makuta on our hands...

That's probably why he went to his room. He was throwing stuff earlier. And he sneezed a few times and got angry because we've run out of tissues.


Okay... The house just shook. I'm going to go see him.

Won't you get infected?

Oh, it can't pass from Bohrok to Bohrok. It's just Rahkshi to Bohrok.

Ah... Be careful, Kohrak!

Don't worry, I've got my Light Ray gun.

Did you make that for this just in case?

Nope. Made it in case I ever have to kill vampires. I got Garlic-Tinted Silver Stakes for any sparkly ones too.

Do vampires exist?

Well, I don't know, but considering that we're three Bohrok sharing tea and cake with a dragon, it's best to be on the safe side.

Vampires are cruel, nasty creatures.

So they do exist.

Be careful, Kohrak!

Wish me luck...



What are you doing here?

I, er, came to see if you are alright.

I'm fine.

You sure?

Ach... Yeah...

You sound like you're in pain. Can I turn on the light?

No... Please don't, it hurts my eyes. I think I'm turning into a vampire.

I don't think that's possible.

There's a dragon downstairs drinking tea. Anything is possible.

I actually... I think you're temporarily turning into some kind of shadow being, possibly a Makuta...

Gah... I know... Just... Leave me be for a bit...

Want me to get you anything?

Yeah... Lots and lots of ice cream... I heard ice cream works well against Makuta...

Hehe, sure... I'll go pop to the shops for you.


I'll leave you to it now...

Is he okay?

Tahnok's in pain but he's okay. I'm going to go to the shops and get him some ice cream. You three want to come?


Why not?



Won't those 'Matoran' be scared of me?

Nah. The Kardas Dragon does shopping every weekend, you won't scare anyone.

Hm. Then I shall accompany you.

Okie dokie! Let me just grab my keys...

Here you go.

Oh... Nice one, Gahlok!

Thanks :)

I'll lock up and we'll head out. Hopefully Tahnok will be okay. And maybe Lehvak and Nuhvok will show up later...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:24 AM.

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#112 Offline Dapper-Sama

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Posted Apr 26 2013 - 02:19 PM

Methinks you've outdone yourself. Good job!

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Morally unambiguous.

#113 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 27 2013 - 06:48 AM


Who are you talking to?

That guy.


That human over there, I think.


I'm going to wave at him.

Yeah. Wavey wavey wave.

I'd wave but that would make me fall over.


No, but such feats are awkward for a Dov such as myself.

Eh. So, you guys want to walk, take my double-cab or fly on Lokmah's back?


Double Cabin. It's a 4x4 pick-up truck with room for four people.



Lokmah's been following us around for ages. But in the Skyrim chapters, he was like 12 metres long! How is he fitting inside the house and all that?

I don't know. The reader is supposed to use their imagination.

Or you could ask me, and I'd answer and say that I can shrink myself down, a trick that few Dov can do. I rarely did it within the realms of Skyrim, because, let's face it, those Elder Scrolls games are so buggy, it scares me.

That... That was a perfectly plausible explanation.

Yeah... You're super smart, Lokmah!

Double-cab then? I don't suppose any of you want to walk.


I'll hop on top. I am not in the mood for shrinking myself down further.

Got the keys?

Yeah. Let's go. Don't forget your seat belts.


Kohrak, your car actually makes brooom sounds.

Oh? Yeah. I stuck a filter on the car so it does that.

Where is the super market?

In town.

You don't know?

Oh, come on, give me a break, I'm not useless. But by the time I explained exactly where it was, you'd start falling asleep or something equally silly would happen.

Oh, we're here. Well, we're at the other super market that Tahnok goes to when the nice super market is closed due to Rahkshi attacks...

See what I mean?

Those mechanical beings wearing masks, they scare me.

Don't be silly. They're more scared of you...

Oh, there's a nice parking spot there... 

Don't hit the other cars...

Don't be a bloody back-seat driver.

Can I sit in the front on the way back?


Cool. Have you parked?

Yeah. Let me just close the windows and take the keys out.




Your car...

Yeah, it's sentient. That was a big mistake on my part.

That was hideously creepy.

Not as creepy as eating humans in one gulp.


Wait, why did we come here?

To do some shopping and get Tahnok some ice cream.

Oh yeah! Did he say which flavour?

Nah, but I do know that he loves lemon sorbet.

Get some of that 'Papafilipou' ice cream. That's the best.


I got a trolley.

Let's get started then... Hold on.

Sorry, Bohrok. We can't let your pet in.

What pet?

Your pet dragon. We've got a compulsory No Pets rule here.

I am not a pet.

Apologies, but dragons still count as pets in our rules and regulations.

You are calling me, a powerful Dov, something as belittling as a 'pet', belonging to these tiny, mechanical insect-like beings?

Um, yes...

How dare you.

Please, sir...



Oh dear. Lokmah's gone on a rampage.

You gonna try calm him down, Pahrak?

What? No. Not unless I wanted to die. Again.

We'll just wait until he's done.


Let him in and let us have a month's free shopping and it's a deal.



FO KRAH... Yes?

They said you can come in now!

Oh. Yay. Thank you.

Come down matey!

Yeah, we have shopping to do!

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:25 AM.

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#114 Offline Hitoshura

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Posted Apr 27 2013 - 07:02 AM

Wow, you post chapters way too quick for me. Not that it's a bad thing, the last few are great.
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#115 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 27 2013 - 07:24 AM

"Phovos posts chapters quick?"

She's posting a new one already!

No! Takua, what have you done?

Wait, Nuhvok! We forgot about those zombies!

Wait, what?

Remember, those zombie scouts?

Those one over there?

Yeah. I don't see any other zombie Scouts...

But there is a zombie Scout up there too, on those battlements.

Oh whatever. Just start running.


Oh cool. Rocket-jumping BLU Soldier. I am so going to try that.

Move, maggots! Before those Robots eat ya!

They're zombies.

Scouts, zombies, robots, whatever.

I'm just going to steal this dead RED Soldier's rocket launcher and...

Don't leave me down here on my own!


Oh fine... Oh! Sticky Bomb Launcher! That will do!

Oh, nice jump. But your one is orange.

It's a Sticky Jumper, you mechanical maggots.

For practicing explosive jumping?


Excuse me, I'm gonna kill this zombie Spy. By the Bahrag, this is fun.

You robots from the same place as that rocket that was full of guns?

Erm, no?

Oh wow! A Righteous Bison! I always wanted to order one of those from the Dr. Grordborts website but they're really exp... AAAH 
It's good for killing zombies.

I... I kinda noticed. If I had a heart, I'd be having a heart attack right now.

Let's just get out of here!

Affirmative! That darn Canadian has one of the spawn rooms all locked up.

Well all right then!

Ah gosh darn it, not you sonny boys again.

Hiya, Engineer!

You changed your colour.

Ol'Dummy's using mai real colour.

You don't seem happy to see us.

Well, considerin' y'all been useless so far, Ah'd say that Ah'm not too happy wit'ya, yeah.

We haven't been useless!

Y'all have! Ya got magic gravy gravity powers and ya ain't usin' 'em!

Oh yeah. Forgot I could do that. BRAIN EXPLODING ACTION TIME!

Eh, that'll distract 'im fer a bit.

I suppose you were right, Engy.

Only yer brother Kohrak gets t'call me Engy.


'Coz ya ain't a very nice guy, Lehvak. Ya're all mean and nasty. And so's yer brother Nuhvok too. Yer both need t'smarten up or ya'll end up like them RED guys ya stole them weapons from.





KaBLOOOEY! Lehvak, do you not want to join us?

Eh, I don't know... I think I have some thinking to do...

Darn, don't hurt yourself!


See what Ah mean?

Yeah... I'm needlessly cruel... I think I've had a bit of a change of heart.

Dude, Lehvak! Bohrok don't have hearts!

Fine... A change of Krana then...



Soldier! They're here!

Affirmative! Let's get to the cart and get out of here!

Can we come?




That's MY line, mate!


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:25 AM.

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#116 Offline Dapper-Sama

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Posted Apr 28 2013 - 08:21 PM

Yeah... I don't know if Rahkshi have parts the way humans do, but no matter what species you are, a kick between the legs always hurts like heck.


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Morally unambiguous.

#117 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 29 2013 - 04:29 AM

Yeah... I don't know if Rahkshi have parts the way humans do, but no matter what species you are, a kick between the legs always hurts like heck.


What d'ya think, ya dummy!

You stole my color, maggot!

Gah, you aren't gonna argue for the whole trip, are ya, mates?

I thought the B in BKR stood for Bohrok, not BLU...

What would the K stand for then?

Hm... I hadn't thought of that...

Ya Bohrok never think'a anything!

Mon Amis, please, this is embarrassing. Get into the van and let us move!

Oh yeah... I'm sitting on the roof.


Why not?


Let's go!

Sniper, this house of yours is awful.

Don't insult my van, Spy.

It is though.

Erm, guys?





Yeah, Lehvak?

Don't you all think that this is way too random for a Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings chapter?

Ah don't follow...

Eh... I guess... Why do you think that, bro?

I don't know... We've already had the zombie thing. Pahrak dealt with that. That was fun. This is just silly. It's almost as if Phovos is trying to kill us off!

I'm doing no such thing.

Oh... But still, me and Nuhvok, it's like... Like you hate us.

That's not true. It's just that within my Phoviverse, you two are just not very nice characters. Nuhvok's a grumpy whingey git and you're just annoying.

So why don't you change that?

Because, as far as I'm concerned, you're both alive and two separate beings. You're not figments of my imagination.

And I thought Soldier was crazy.


It's true, lad.

So... You can't change us? Not at all?

You'd have to change yourself. I mean, I can make it so that you're not in some sort of random situation so often, but the change needs to come from YOU.

Ah... I understand now... Can you put us in a nicer situation please?

Sure. Author Powers: GO!

Ah heck.

This... This seems familiar...

How's Candyland less random than a TF2 Zombie Apocalypse, Phovos?

This is just temporary.

This sucks. I want to go home.

You will go home in a second.

Erm, gentlemen and lady, where are we?

Inside Lehvak's mind.

Wow... My mind is weird...

What's that over there?


Looks like a Matoran...

It's nothing...

And away we go!

HEY! Where did those cool BLU people go?

Sent them home.

Oh. Where are we?

Outside our house...

What's with all that dark stuff coming out of Tahnok's room?


Tahnok! Are you okay?

No... Just got thrown out of my bedroom window...

What's going on?

Erm, normally you don't care about me...

I'm trying to make myself a better Bohrok...

Like a moron...

Ah... Don't listen to Nuhvok. I'm glad you're trying to change.

Thanks... So what happened?

Well, do you remember when Turahk became a Makuta and left some of his Makuta power in me because he feared he wouldn't be able to control all of it?


Ah, good. Because that little dark part of me kinda took over my body and then created a dark, evil version of myself. With wings.

That's not good.

It gets worse.

Oh dear.

Not only does he seem to have my electricity powers, he also has your powers as well. Gravity, Magnetism, Vacuum, Plasma and Sound.

Since when are we calling Kohrak's lame powers 'Sound' instead of 'Sonics'?

Since he upgraded his powers to have better control of them.


Wait, is this a plot story line for Phovos's day in the Comedy Expo tomorrow?

What? No. This is all coincidental. I thought she had a plot about you and Macku planned for tomorrow...



That was supposed to be a secret!

Oh, sorry, Lehvak...

Eh, it's okay... Everyone would have found out eventually...

No they won't.

Erm, why?

Because I, Tahnrak-Kal, will kill you all before that actually happens.

Oh great...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:25 AM.

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#118 Offline Dapper-Sama

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Posted Apr 29 2013 - 06:04 PM

Oh, well EXCUSE ME for expressing my surprise! [/sarcasm]

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Morally unambiguous.

#119 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 30 2013 - 05:13 AM

So this week's shopping is free?

And the shopping for the next month or so.

That's nice of them.

Eh, not really. They were just desperate. Having a dragon flying around eating people is never good for business.

Good point.

Can we get these 'marsh mallows' please? They look like they will cook well with my Yol breath...

Sure, throw them in.

What are those?


Those things in the freezer cabinets?

Oh? Hm... I didn't know they sold Kardas Dragon steaks...

They do? That sounds gross.


That makes me sad...

Well, that is the way things go. There are carnivores and herbivores, predators and prey.

Indeed, but still, the consumption of dragons is never a good thing.

Neither's the consumption of Bohrok. Only our Krana are edible, and even so, the Krana would just take over your body if you swallowed it whole...



That's... Both cool and scary at the same time.

Not something I'd recommend trying...

Oh! Coco puffs! Can we get them?

Sure. But only if you throw out the milk if it goes off. Tahnok told me about the mutant bottle of milk in the fridge.

That's why we never buy vegetables... They just go rotten and attack me.

Well, to be fair, that's partially Lehvak's fault. Him and his stupid Mutato-Veg potions...

That cool dude, wasting perfectly good food...

He hates vegetables though.

Yeah... Although, speaking of Lehvak... I can hear him...


Your brother just crashed into the vegetable section. I find that amusing.

Bloody Bahrag! Are you okay, Lehvak?


What happened?



You're seriously telling us that Lehvak is underlined by Chrome's spell-checker but that huge garbled mess wasn't?

Tahnok... He had that makuta illness... It created a copy of Tahnok's body... I think it killed him... It has all of our powers, plus shadow! It's unstoppable!


Tahnok! You're not dead?

I... I teleported just in time... 

Where's Nuhvok?

Over here!

Well, this place is doomed. Might as well close...


Oh, hey, Tahnrak-Kal, you changed your colour.


AH! Magnetism shield!

Oh, phew, thanks, Gahlok...

GAH. Go away, you vile dragon!

Oh dear...




Tahnrak, you fool!

Me? A fool? No, I am doing things right. Destroying you, then becoming ruler of the universe!

Erm, can I ask why?

No! Explode!

Oh no! This place is falling apart!

Everyone get out of here!

Everyone already left when the dragon attacked.

Oh. I missed that bit.


Darn. My shop's been destroyed.

You alright, Matoran?

Yeah, I'm fine. Good thing I had insurance...

I'm really sorry.

It's alright. I'll just rebuild.

Is everyone okay?


I think so.

My foot hurts.


Darn, Pahrak's stuck.

He'll sort himself out, don't worry. Now, where is...


This was a triumph...

I'm making a note here, huge success...

It's hard to overstate my satis-

SHUT UP! I'm going to KILL YOU ALL?

Are you sure about that?

Okay, who are you?

While Tahnrak-Kal there is Tahnok's evil half, I, Tahnik-Kal, am Tahnok's pure, good half.

Hey guys?


When all this is over, remind me to go and see a psychiatrist...

Good idea.

Tahnik... You other Bohrok wait. I'm going to kill this fool, and then I'll kill YOU ALL!

We shall see about that...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:26 AM.

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#120 Offline Phovos

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Posted May 01 2013 - 01:58 PM


No, it shall be you who perishes today, Tahnrak!


No, you will.




Seriously, stop it! You are making me look like a bloody cool dude here! I was fine until you two entered my subconsciousness like some sort of mind virus!

As if we care about you.

Tahnrak does have a point. Neither of us care about you.

Then go away then! You've weakened me and formed your own bloody bodies! You don't need me, just go!

Can I just point out how silly this situation is?

It's completely and utterly stupid! I'm arguing with myself here.

Well, not quite. I am all that is pure within you and that monster is all the shadows that lurk within your soul.

If that were true, you wouldn't be threatening to kill Tahnrak. No, what you both are is an infection inside me. Gah, why am I even bothering?

Dunno. I think we should just let them kill each other.

But wouldn't that mean killing Tahnok?

Would it?



Gah. You're saying there's no easy way of doing this?


That's really annoying.

Yeah, normally there's some sort of convenient plot device that easily fixes this sort of problem.

Obviously not this time.

Can we kill each other now?

Sure. Go ahead.

Thanks. TAKE THAT.

Dodged it, fool.

This is so dumb. I swear, I'm just a dumb character.

Surely there's got to be some way of ending this.

They've literally already destroyed the parking lot.

And they teleported Lokmah away.

Hey, bro, when this is over, I'll take you with me to Skyrim so we can find him, deal?


But what about Tahnok?

Don't believe I'm going to do this...

Tahnok, what are you doing?

What needs to be done.


Don't do it!

Sorry guys.


Bloody Bahrag...

Is he okay?

What's happening? I'm fading...

So am I! Disappearing...

He... He removed his own Krana...

But the two god-like Bohrok have disappeared...

Come on, brothers, let's get him back home...

Poor Tahnok...

We need to work out what to do now...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:26 AM.

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