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Undivine Comedy Is Back Again. Boo!


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#1 Offline Trad

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Posted Oct 17 2011 - 03:59 AM

The comedy that you all know and love or hate is back!The first eleven chapters or so with the contents list and characters list! (Very random and outdated. May post the updated contents list and character list later)The wiki page!I suppose I have to post the next chapter....BTW, we really need some critics.Inform me when there is the Critics Club.CHAPTER 12! The Insectophobic ComedianTrad: So, B. How did the shopping expedition go?Bayonetta: Quite well. But I racked up quite a debt.Trad: How much?Bayonetta: One hundred million widgets.Trad: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (This goes on for some time) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…….............Bayonetta: Shut up! *Throttles Trad with her hair which has turned into hands*Trad: OK! OK! *cough* Stop it! I didn’t buy that much since I went into that MEGA SALE dimension! What did you buy?Bayonetta: : I bought lots of useless stuff but most notably: Yeo Zhi Peng, the Paris Hilton Voodoo doll and a new PGS-Yeo Zhi Peng: Hi guys! How are you Ge-Bayonetta: Shut up. As I was saying, I also bought some Kanohi, someone’s hair, a series of contradictorying things that you didn’t asked for, an Annoying Orange-Annoying Orange: Hello hairy woman and shy guy!Trad and Bayonetta: SHUT UP! * Makes the A.O. into orange juice*Bayonetta: and some truckloads of dresses.That was it really. Trad: No shoes?Bayonetta: Nothing else.Trad: Here’s the money, then-what the heck a FIKOU SPIDER!Bayonetta: Really? Where?MNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW! (F1 racer effects)Bayonetta *A bit shell shocked*: *Flat on the floor* Excuse me, Trad, but I am not a piece of wrinkled cloth! *Waits* Trad? Trad! *Reflates herself* Mata Nui. *Gapes at a Trad-shaped hole in the 3 foot concrete wall* Wow. Wait REZNAS!Reznas: *Extremely flat on the floor* A Tathorak, an energy hound, a Kane-Ra and a Muaka just ran over meand went upstairs!Bayonetta: No, that was Trad. He had a sudden bout of arachnophobia. Wait. What was that?*Clanging noises come from above,Scaring little people and make everyone wonder-Reznas: Stop it, R.K. We called you to do the narration, not write stupid poems!*But, R-Reznas: Shut up!*Behind you!*Reznas: What is it? *Turns around* WHERE DID HE GET THAT HAZMAT SUIT? THAT WAS MINE! Bayonetta: Why do you wear a hazmat suit? But most important…. STOP HIM FROM DESTROYING THE WHOLE PLACE!Trad: where is that spider? !Jalla199: *wakes up and walks to the banisters* SHUT HIM UP! I NEED TO SLEEP! Trad: YOU SHUT UP! * Sprays Jalla199 with acids*Jalla199: Get a life! *Shuffles back to his room*Trad: DIE! DIE! *Trying to kill the spider with miserable results**doorbell rings*Reznas: I have to attend to something guys, call me if you need me!Bayonetta: I’ll follow you! I need to get some shoes!*The door is getting hammered*Reznas: B, ready?Bayonetta: Yes….Reznas: OK, you open it.Bayonetta: Why should I? You do it!Reznas: I’ll be your backup! Open the door!Person outside the door: Will one of you Fudgetards open this *EXPLEXITIVE* DOOR?!Bayonetta: Reznas, go open it!Reznas: NO!Bayonetta: Don’t worry! I’ll be your backup!Reznas: No! I’ll be your backup!Person outside the door: URH…. Worst case scenario then.*opens the door, only to get zapped by one of the traps.* *In a horrible voice* Someone… should…go to a …. shrink…..Reznas: Wait, who are you?Person at the door: I’m Trad, you clothead.Reznas: No, you’re not!Person at the door: That moron running around is not me. That is Toa Ruthless.Bayonetta: What is he doing here then?Trad: Keeping you hyenas on a leash. Now, what happened?*In an another room*Toa Ruthless: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! It’s crawling all over me! It’s having babies in my hair! It’s biting off my ears! It’s sucking off my eyeballs! Get off me, you grotesque monster of a spider!Trad: OK….Ruthless, get out, please.Toa Ruthless: GET THIS FRIGGING SPIDER OFF ME!Trad: Fine…*Drags Toa Ruthless into another room and starts shaking him by the heels, dipping him into turpentine and all sorts of nasty things that don’t bear mentioning* I thought you were ruthless? Surely a spider can’t make you weak?Toa Ruthless: I had a horrible experience with one as a kid…..*Flashback*Toa Ruth: Give this to me!Toa Ruthless: It’s my teddy muaka!Toa Ruth: Fine. *Throws a Reconstitute at random disk at the teddy bear, causing it to become a spider*Toa Ruthless: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!*End of flashback*Toa Ruthless: So that’s why I fear spiders.*In another room*Bayonetta: Oh, look , the spider’s here. Nom. *Eats it*Reznas: Oh, yuck.*In Paradiso*Hapori Dume: Where is the Spy?Angel Techie: He’s been dissolved by hydrochloric acid and gastric juices, sir.Hapori Dume: This is the last time we send spies as spiders to commit sabotage!THE END.Comments are necessary. I need the criticisms to improve.

Edited by TradTheMentalist, Apr 08 2012 - 03:24 AM.

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"Wer Traumt?"

 


#2 Offline Trad

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Posted Jan 08 2012 - 03:37 AM

OK. So I’m being very lazy and busy (yes, it’s possible, just be lazy on BZPower, and be busy with your real life.) and there are too many ideas brimming out in my head, so here’s a new chapter. Enjoy. Or Hate it.Chapter 13As Sick As a Possessed Comedian(Do Not Read Unless You Are About 1000 Years Old and Have an Open Mind and a Strong Heart. Really.)Bayonetta: Hmmm….* Consulting a spell book* I need some hair from a pop star of this century. They say that those people who shriek a lot are the best. *Pokes her head out of the window and yells at Trad.* HEY! TRAD!Trad: *Busy meditating and listening to Florence and The Machine really loudly doesn’t seem to hear.*Bayonetta: Right…. *Fires a few shots at Trad, which pass through him* Oh. It’s a hologram.*Runs downstairs into the basement.*Trad:* Fiddling with a machine* It doesn’t work the way it should! It should have absorbed any negative energy and release it positively!Bayonetta: Hey! What are you doing?Trad: Don’t come any closer. It’s still not working. Jalla! Hand me the electrocharger.*Jalla199 throws it and it hits Trad on the head.*Trad: YEOW! What do you want by the way, B?Bayonetta: Know any pop stars who shrieks a lot and is forgiving with people stealing their hair?Trad: Try Gaga. Ever since she got weirder, I switched to Florence + The Machine. I’ll open a portal right now. Oh, and bring Jalla. Ever since I became a horrible comedian, he was pining to meet her.*Flashback*Jalla199: TAKE ME TO SEE LADY GAGA!Trad: SOON, YOU RABID MUAKA! I’M BUSY WRITING!*In Bayonetta’s Room*Link ttt: I managed to sneak in and not get zapped! I’m A GENIUS! *Accidentally treads on a button*KAZAPP!Link ttt: Gah. Apparently not. Why do they do this anyway?GLaDOS: We value each other’s privacy.Linkttt: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? YOU’RE NOT A PGS YET!GLaDOS: I’m the new narrator. For now.Link ttt: But why?Trad found my CD on the street when we had an economic depression.Link ttt: Oh. *Accidentally breaks a vase-that-Bayonetta-dislikes-due-to-it-having-a-pattern-of-cockroaches-but-it-was-given-to-her-by-Kongu’s-Mom.* Ooops.Reznas: Link! What are you doing up there?Denath: Yes, what?Link ttt: Um… nothing. Oh, and did I mention that a spellchecker’s outside?Denath: Really? *Runs to assault a spellchecker for his autograph, with Reznas hot on his heels.*Link ttt: That leaves me alone inside Bayonetta’s room. Now, what does she normally do when she’s inside?*He looks around and sees a magic circle, a cauldron, and the sign of the Umbran Witches on the wall.*Linkttt: Hmm… Let’s try my hand at black magic! *Starts dancing, which by his definition is jumping around a lot.* Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool? Yes, ma’am, I’m Adam; Wait that’s not my name. Why am I doing this anyway? Maybe I am actually bored.*The magic circle starts to glow evilly. Malevolent laughs fill the room. And an evil demon with a goatee (obviously) appears.*Linkttt: Wow, cool special effects!Evil demon with a goatee *I hate saying too much, so I’ll call him Goatee*: THIS ISN’T SPECIAL EFFECTS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INVITATION.Link ttt: Wait. If this isn’t real and I gave an invitation…I DON’T WANT TO BE POSSESSED!Goatee: TOO LATE. *Possess Link**Hammering on door*Trad: LINK! LINK! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT IN THERE?* Some time before*Trad: Why is everything so evil and grassy? Oh Mata Nui, no. *Rushes upstairs, dragging the Toa along.**Back to the present**The door bursts open. Trad and the Toa stumbles inside and see a horrific sight.**Link is standing there, black veins spread across his mask, in a body made of trees*Linkttt/Goatee: Why doesn’t anyone want to be friends- wait, that’s not my line. DIE. I WILL TAKE YOUR SOUL FOR MORE POWER!Trad and The Toa: RUN!* In the Great Temple*Matoran Priestess: I’m sorry, but we don’t do excorcisms.Trad: Gah. Well, It’s just us then.*In the studio,*Trad: Hello, Goatee. We meet again.Goatee/Link ttt: You are mine this time!Trad: No I’m not. *Invokes a name that resonates throughout the universe.*Goatee/ Link ttt: I will not give up this body!The Herald/ Trad: Yes you will *Saying so, unleashes a bolt of purification on Goatee.*Goatee: GAAAAAAAA! *Gets exterminated*Linkttt: What the Karzahni has happened?Trad: Ow. Remind me to never again to bind with the Herald without mental preparation.END.Bayonetta: HEY! I’ve got the hair! And Jalla got an autograph!

Edited by TradTheMentalist, Apr 07 2012 - 02:08 AM.

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"Wer Traumt?"

 


#3 Offline fishers64

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Posted Apr 06 2012 - 09:13 PM

CCC review:*googles "PGS"**reads comedy again*Chapter 12:

Reznas: *Extremely flat on the floor* A Tathorak, an energy hound, a Kane-Ra and a Muaka just ran over meand went upstairs!

I think you meant to say "A Tathorak, an energy hound, a Kane-Ra and a Muaka just ran over me and went upstairs!", correct?

*Clanging noises come from above,Scaring little people and make everyone wonder-Reznas: Stop it, R.K. We called you to do the narration, not write stupid poems!*But, R-

Who is R.K.?

Hapori Dume: Where is the Spy?Angel Techie: He’s been dissolved by hydrochloric acid and gastric juices, sir.Hapori Dume: This is the last time we send spies as spiders to commit sabotage!

Sabotage of what? Still, best lines here, I guess.Chapter 13: Watch the demon refs. Yeesh. It does ref the title and all, but this is BZP.This comedy is rather random. You have admitted to it in the archive chapters, which I looked over the beginning of to get a grip. I needed to do this - it would be nice if you would re-post the old character list in here or better yet, update with the characters that you are actually going to be using in here (I think they have changed a bit).It took me a rereading to get a hang on the plot, which does exist - you've improved major-league over the archive chapters, which were messing with my mind. :) On the face of this, it doesn't appear as a Bionicle comedy as much as a random pop-culture comedy that uses BZP members' names as guest stars. You used one reference to Toa - that's it. Oh, and Linkttt was wearing a mask. The archive chapters place it in the Bionicle realm with the characters, but you've gotten away from that - I would encourage you to get back to it. That's all I've got.

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#4 Offline Trad

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Posted Apr 07 2012 - 02:00 AM

Chapter 12:QuoteReznas: *Extremely flat on the floor* A Tathorak, an energy hound, a Kane-Ra and a Muaka just ran over meand went upstairs!I think you meant to say "A Tathorak, an energy hound, a Kane-Ra and a Muaka just ran over me and went upstairs!", correct?

Yes.

Quote*Clanging noises come from above,Scaring little people and make everyone wonder-Reznas: Stop it, R.K. We called you to do the narration, not write stupid poems!*But, R-Who is R.K.?

R.K is the person who wrote The Just-So Stories. I knew it wasn't that obvious.

QuoteHapori Dume: Where is the Spy?Angel Techie: He’s been dissolved by hydrochloric acid and gastric juices, sir.Hapori Dume: This is the last time we send spies as spiders to commit sabotage!Sabotage of what? Still, best lines here, I guess.

Sabotage of our lives,I suppose.

Chapter 13: Watch the demon refs. Yeesh. It does ref the title and all, but this is BZP.

OK. Sorry.

This comedy is rather random. You have admitted to it in the archive chapters, which I looked over the beginning of to get a grip. I needed to do this - it would be nice if you would re-post the old character list in here or better yet, update with the characters that you are actually going to be using in here (I think they have changed a bit).

I'm a walking contradiction! And I'm still updating a lot of things.

It took me a rereading to get a hang on the plot, which does exist - you've improved major-league over the archive chapters, which were messing with my mind. :) On the face of this, it doesn't appear as a Bionicle comedy as much as a random pop-culture comedy that uses BZP members' names as guest stars. You used one reference to Toa - that's it. Oh, and Linkttt was wearing a mask. The archive chapters place it in the Bionicle realm with the characters, but you've gotten away from that - I would encourage you to get back to it.

On it. Thanks.

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"Wer Traumt?"

 





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