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One by One

Dark Hunter Firedracax Visorak

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#1 Offline ToaN

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Posted Apr 03 2013 - 12:26 AM

This is my short story (my first), which is basically a dramatic summery of the Dark Hunter Firedracax's life.

 

                                                                                                     

                                                                                                              One by One

 

Firedracax swung his blade and struck the Oohnorak in front of him. The disgusting creature shrieked the blood-curdling scream that was associated with its species, and dropped dead on the ground.

 

Firedracax was once a Ta-Matoran, with a comfortable life, friends, and a satisfying job. Everything a Matoran could wish for. Until the Visorak came…

 

He had recently joined the ranks of the powerful organization, The Dark Hunters. The reason: he hated Visorak. They were responsible for his friend’s death, and his mutation into the monster he was now! By joining the Dark Hunters, he had the opportunity to fight his enemy.

 

He was assigned to an island where Visorak were nesting. He had slain dozens – no, hundreds – of Visorak during his first day. And with each one, he felt slightly better. But not better enough. He still had a vengeful hatred of Visorak, which has driven him day and night.

 

But it wasn’t just his own satisfaction that he was fighting for; it was the destiny of the universe. Visorak were taking over island by island, mutating most of the inhabitants and forcing the rest to retreat to the north.

 

Another Visorak jumped at him, trying to stab at him with its pincers. Firedracax raised his weapon, charging his spinner, and firing. The spinner gathered thermal energy, and incinerated the Visorak as soon as its claws left the ground.

 

Firedracax swore he would eliminate this threat. He would avenge his friend’s death and the death of hundreds of innocent beings throughout the universe. One by one, he would eliminate all the Visorak until they were no more.

 

One by one… one by one…


Edited by ToaN, Apr 08 2013 - 03:39 PM.

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#2 Offline fishers64

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Posted Apr 05 2013 - 12:42 AM

This is a nice simple story. Not to long or complicated, and you conveyed Firedracaxe's thoughts very well - they are simple.  

[color=#282828;][font="helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"]He had recently joined the ranks of the powerful organization, The Dark Hunters. The reason: he hated Visorak. They were responsible for his friend’s death, and his mutation into the monster he was now! By joining the Dark Hunters, he had the opportunity to fight his enemy.[/color][/font]

 

[color=#282828;][font="helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"]I think it would be a bit better if you put "[/color][/font]They were responsible for his friend’s death, and his mutation into the monster he was now!" in italics to emphasize the emotion your character is feeling here. 


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#3 Offline ToaN

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Posted Apr 10 2013 - 09:31 AM

TY! Im glad you liked it!


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