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The Amazing Government of Metru Nui PSA

hand control zero tolerance/common sense

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1 reply to this topic

#1 Offline Kung Fu Evol

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Posted Apr 09 2013 - 05:47 PM

Hello, citizens of Metru Nui! This is your friendly leader, Turaga Dume, writing out a new Public Service Announcement to inform you of some new laws that will help to make your life better!


Our first new law is Hand Control! We in the Metru Nui Justice System have noticed that crimes involving hands have risen at an astonishing rate in the last 1000 years, and have decided that the best course of action is to make a law banning the use of hands. We figure that by making a new law, the people who were already breaking laws will stop breaking laws because of the specific effects of this new law. Please note that if you are caught in possession of hands at any time from now on, the Vahki will arrest you on the spot.


The next new law is No Breaks, which states that any Matoran in the educational system that is caught with anything slightly resembling a weapon or harmful substance will be tasered by Vahki immediately, and then thrown off a cliff for a couple of days. This law works with the idea that anyone being educated that is caught with any of these items will most likely murder somebody in the future. Banned items include bricks, water guns, wood, mechanical pencils, laser pointers, and the aforementioned hands.


Another new law is the banning of religions, politics, and opinions. Studies show that Matoran that have any of these things in their lives may offend someone at some point. Mata Nui help us if someone becomes offended! Any Matoran caught violating this law will be shot 27 times at point blank range with the new machine guns that have been installed into every Vahki out there.


The last new law is the banning of any personality whatsoever. Leading scientists have pointed out that having a personality is the leading cause of offending people. Having any little quirks, such as using Non-Matoran phrases, is strictly prohibited. Having a personality is punishable by banishment from Metru Nui, and then being thrown in jail in the place that you were banished to.


These new laws will help ensure the safety of BZPo-I mean, the United Sta-I mean, Metru Nui. Here's looking to a bright future for the city!




~Turaga Dume.




Makuta, disguised as Turaga Dume, sat on his chair, looking down at the city of Metru Nui.


"I can't believe those stupid Matoran fell for that!" He laughed. "This makes conquering Metru Nui MUCH easier! HA HA HA!"





Author's Notes:


Seriously, people in charge?






Edited by Kung Fu Rahkshi Destroyer, Apr 09 2013 - 05:48 PM.

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#2 Offline Hahli Husky

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Posted Apr 09 2013 - 05:58 PM

Given that this is intended to parody American political opinions and current political events and controversies, and is much too obvious in doing so, I'm afraid I have to close it down on the grounds that political discussions are discouraged on BZP.


Topic closed.

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