Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. The process is easy and you can use your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account to make it even faster. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies and play member and staff-run games
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes, and vote to decide the winners
  • Participate in raffles, including exclusive raffles for new members, and win free LEGO sets
  • Send private messages to other members
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!


Photo

Technic Coliseum: After Hours


  • Please log in to reply
85 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 12 2013 - 03:16 PM

This is a comedy based version of the game, Technic Coliseum, describing what fighters do between matches. Anyone can post a chapter, as long as they follow any existing character traits and are a member of Technic Coliseum. Any character's personalities are not supposed to represent their users. So without further ado,

 

TECHNIC COLISEUM: AFTER HOURS

 

*In a dark room underneath the arenas, there is a table with spots for five.*

*Out of the shadows come Electro, Granite, Amazon, Virus Rider, and Nidhiki. They sit at the table.*

Electro: Fellow members of the Coalition of World Domination, we have a serious problem.

Granite: We expect to dominate the world with only five members?

Amazon: We're too generic of villians?

Virus: The rest of you aren't infected with ... THE VIRUS?

Nidhiki: We don't spend enough time looking at my wonderful, not at all insectile face?

Electro: No, no, no, no! None of those things!

Granite: Then what is it?

Electro: We don't have an awesome evil leader!

Amazon: I thought you were our leader...

Electro: Only because we don't have any others! I'm only leader because I won a tournament!

*A door opens, and in comes a large, orange and black RoboRider*

Boss: I can be your leader!

Virus: What makes you think that?

Boss: I'm a Titan, and I could be the main villain of the RoboRiders!

Nidhiki: Or you could be the leader of the good guys.

Electro: TRAPDOOR!

*A panel fall down beneath Boss, and he falls into it*

Boss: WHY??

Electro: Our first order of evil business is to get a leader. Possible choices that can be sponsored are Judge, Blaster and Von Nebula.

 

*Meanwhile, Tahu, Lhikan, Torch, Lava and Furno are on a stage in front of a large audience*

Tahu: Hello there!

Lhikan: We are here today to showcase a new, seldom used item!

Torch: The Hagah Spear!

Lava: This set of items launches a powerful blast of Elemental damage at your opponent!

Furno: It comes in six varieties! One for each of the main Elements!

Tahu: Allow me to demonstrate! This is the Tidal Spear, the Water based Spear.

*Tahu points the spear at Lava and fires it.*

Lava: What was that for?!

Tahu: I was demonstrating the product!

Lava: You could have warned me!

Furno: Now now, let's not get into a fight.

Torch: TAHU! You mess with Lava, you mess with me.

Lhikan: You mess with Tahu, you mess with me as well.

Furno: Guys, we shouldn't fight each other!

*Tahu and Lhikan launch themselves at Lava and Torch*

Tahu: You're going down!

Torch: No, you are!

 

*In the audience*

Scuba: Who ever thought was a good idea to set up four short tempered guys on stage to show off weapons?

Ski: Beats me.

 

*This comedy has 408 words*


  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#2 Offline Noise #0579

Noise #0579
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Bionicle Writer of the Month

  • 1,558 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 12 2013 - 04:41 PM

I knew I should've had that sub-level checked. :P It's a nice beginning, though it does feel a bit short.  Looking forward to seeing what happens next!


  • 0

Current Works:
Technic WarzoneGames and Trivia.  Fighters from various Lego lines compete in gladiator games and get to shoot death rays at each other.  Plenty of room for new players!  Tournament registration now open!
A Mind in Darkness: Epics.  To reclaim one of Turaga Nokama's Kanohi, Vhisola and Macku form an uneasy alliance and journey into the unknown.  Complete!

*NEW* The Blade of Valor: Short Stories.  When the Spirits of the Elements are in danger, Tahra must take up a legendary weapon and challenge the creature waiting inside Lewa's temple.  Testing a concept, so please respond if you'd like to see more of this.


#3 Offline Captain Caboose

Captain Caboose
  • Members
  • Stone Champion Nuva

  • 1,537 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 12 2013 - 05:16 PM

I love how Fire people fight over every little thing.


  • 0

BZPRPG Profiles

Flaredrick Seria - Potas -'Jet Fire' -'Razor'- 'Infector' - Reso 'Vo - Kasrar 'V- Ludvin va Betravo - Vallen Tor - Molvr Kalr

#4 Offline Phovos

Phovos
  • Members
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,250 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 13 2013 - 04:42 AM

I... I don't recognise any of these characters, but arguing fire-based beings are always amusing...


  • 0

#5 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 13 2013 - 06:39 AM

I knew I should've had that sub-level checked. :P It's a nice beginning, though it does feel a bit short.  Looking forward to seeing what happens next!

Just wanted to introduce the setting, villains, and show some basic activities of the fighters in this one.

 

I love how Fire people fight over every little thing.

Well, it is not every little thing. Tahu blasted Lava with a large wave of Water.

 

 

I... I don't recognise any of these characters, but arguing fire-based beings are always amusing...

Most of these guys are RoboRiders and Slizers.

 

Electro, Granite, Amazon- Evil Slizers

Boss- Titan set from RoboRiders, nothing is known about him

Lava- Fire based RoboRider

Nidhiki- Nidhiki in Toa form

Virus- Fanon, main problem of RoboRiders was an evil virus threatening RoboRider world, this guy is its host


  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#6 Offline Keizah the Kaleidoscope

Keizah the Kaleidoscope
  • Members
  • Battling Makuta!

  • 504 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 14 2013 - 09:37 AM

[color=#006400;][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]Hehe, nice.  :D  I love the little touches like Nidhiki's vanity, Electro being a dedicated underling who wants to be bossed around, and Boss wanting to be accepted by the others but rejected because they literally know nothing about him.[/color][/font]

 

[color=#006400;][font="'times new roman', times, serif;"]An idea for Canis and writers of future chapters: What role to the sponsors play in this?  Do they represent companies that sponsor the fighters for publicity, or just loose alliances between fighters?[/color][/font]


Edited by Keizah the Kaleidoscope, Apr 14 2013 - 09:40 AM.

  • 0

steven-giantwoman-b.gif

 

[æzɚæθ mɛtriɔn zɪnθos]


#7 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 14 2013 - 10:06 AM

About sponsors, I hadn't though of that. I already thought that the dual sponsored fighters would be friends, because of shared items. I guess sponsors are companies that sponsor the fighter.

 Chapter Two: *Setting: A race track. All of the RoboRiders, Millennia and Furno are there*Swamp: I've of the Optimal Setting. I've got Optimal Speed!Power: I'm the fastest that ever was!Lava: Gonna burn some rubber!Dust: Get ready to eat my dust!Boss: Hey! can I participate?Millennia: No. I'm a biker. I got a leather jacket. With a logo. Yeah.*Millennia transforms from a small guy on a bike to a big guy*Millennium: I have split personality disorder! HELP ME!*Millennium transforms back*Millennia: Oh be quiet you.Virus: I don't have a need for speed like the rest of you. I have a need for ... THE VIRUS!Lava: That doesn't even rhyme.Virus: THE VIRUS doesn't need to rhyme!Furno: Alright, let;'s have a nice, clean, fair race.*All of the RoboRiders line up*Furno: An-Power: Wait, why are you judging this?Furno: I have a bike! And go!*All of the RoborRiders and Millennia take off except for Virus and Boss*Boss: You know, Virus, I think of us as kin. Neither of us have any friends.Virus: I friends. I also have ... THE VIRUS!Boss: You kno-Virus: Staff of Silence!Boss: [color=#ffffff;]That's not even how the Staff of Silence actually works![/color][color=#000000;]Virus: Says the guy with white text.[/color] *Meanwhile**Gali and Sub are on a stage with an Exo-Toa*Gali: After the fire guys disastrous attempt to present products,Sub: We have replace them!Gali: This is an Exo-Toa!Sub: It isn't just for Toa, mind you! When in it, your Toughness and Strength are heightened, but you can't use elemental attacks.Gali: But you can fire an electro rocket!*A light on the Exo-Toa beeps on*Exo-Toa: Eliminate.Sub: Umm, what is happening?*Exo-Toa fires electro rocket at Sub*Gali: RUN! EVERYONE! RUN! JUST RUN!Exo-Toa: Eliminate.Sub: Here! Activate this! It's one of those Arachnix Drones!Gali: Drone! Defend us!Arachnix Drone: No.Sub: Well, this is bad.Exo-Toa and Arachnix Drone: Eliminate.Audience: AHHHH!!!Ski: Why do these product demonstrations alway turn out wrong?*Nidhiki emerges from the shadows holding a remote and a mirror*Nidhiki: Nidhiki, you really out did yourself. Oh stop being so kind!Ski: Ummm.... Are you talking to your reflection?Nidhiki: Well, duh. I'm not an insect anymore, and I hate insects! *Millennium is laying down on a next with Evo sitting on a chair next to the bed*Evo: Why do you want me here?Milennium: I thought it was obvious! I need someone to help me with my dual personalities?Evo: Well, yeah. But why me?Millennium: You have Psionics powers!Evo: Okay then. Do I have permission to enter your mind?Millennium: YES!Millennia: NO!Evo: I'm not sure what to do here... Do any other Slizers have dual personalities?Millennium: All of us do!Electro: No we do not!Energy: Exactly! We do not have alternate personalities!Evo: What just happened?Millennium: Electro and Energy are in denial that they are the same person.Electro: I am not Energy!Energy: And I am not Electro!Evo: Why did I ever agree to this?Millennium: You didn't. I made you do it.Evo: So, are all of the Slizers like Electro and Energy?Millennium: Yep.Evo: And you're the only one with noticeable differences between the personalities.Millennium: Exactly. *Meanwhile, in a room underneath the arenas*Amazon: What other decorations do we need?Granite: We've got the evil table, poorly light room, miscellaneous rays, old spy movies, giant computer screens. I think we got everythingVirus: Do we have get away vehicles?Electro: I stole some Hero Dropships.Nidhiki: Are there any other evil things we need for our lair?Amazon: Hmmm.... You know how the villians always tell the heroes their plans?Granite: Yes.Amazon: Well, perhaps we should get a TV so we can just play our plans without having to actually recite them.Electro: That will save tons of valuable time! When we would be normally telling our plan, we could be doing something else, like actually executing them!Nidhiki: Oh! And we need a tank filled with sharks!Virus: Good idea!Electro: Now all we need is a leader!Granite: And more members!*This comedy has 707 words*


Edited by Canis Lupus, Apr 14 2013 - 10:07 AM.

  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#8 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 17 2013 - 08:29 AM

Chapter Three:*The villains are sitting around a table*Granite: Gentlemen, I am proud to announce we have a new member.Electro: A leader?Granite: Nope, just an ordinary member.Skrall: I'm Skrall. I like the base. Nice and generic.Amazon: You like generic?Skrall: Of course. Why be unique when you can be generic?

Nidhiki: Okay then.

Skrall: Now what are we going to do for our evil business?Virus: We don't have anything planned...Skrall: Let's build a space station, and a giant death ray, attach the ray to the space station, and threaten to fire it at the planet.Amazon: I don't think we have enough money to do that...Skrall: Then let's kidnap a bunch of people, hang them above a pit of lava or acid, and threaten to drop them into it unless we get ransom!Electro: Better but-*The door opens and Gali walks in*Gali: Hi Electro. Here is your Staff of Illus- What is going on here?All of the Coalition of World Domination: NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!Electro: Gali, just because we are both sponsored by the Keizah Corporation doesn't mean you can waltz in a interrupt what I'm doing!Granite: Say, what does the Keizah Corporation make?Electro: Kaleidoscopes.Gali: Does that banner over there say 'Coalition of World Domination'?All of the Coalition of World Domination: OF COURSE NOT!Gali: Wait a minute- you guys are all villains!All of the Coalition of World Domination: WHAT OF IT?Boss: Gali! These guys are all evil and trying to take over the world!All of the Coalition of World Domination: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?Boss: From the beginning of this meeting...Electro: TRAPDOOR!Boss: WHY?</p>Gali: I'm going to tell the rest of the fighters about you guys!*Everyone is standing in an auditorium*

Millennium: Because I'm a Titan, I should be the leader of the Alliance of Liberty.Tahu: Let a Slizer be the leader! Forget it! Toa leave and form our own Alliance of Freedom!Stormer: Let a a Slizer or Toa be our leader! What! Heroes! Leave and form the Alliance of Justice!Millennium: RoboRiders, are you still with the Alliance of Liberty?Lava: Yeah. It's not like we have a leader ourselves.

Swamp: Well, there is Boss...

Power: Are you honestly suggesting we make Boss our leader?Millennium: And I just realized that there are only three good Slizers.

Sub: Uh Millennium *Whisper whisper*Millennium: WHAT? The Portalfig Portal Company is not going to sponsor Ski anymore?Sub: Yeah.Power: And then there were two! Good Slizers, that is.Swamp: I can certainly help! I am of the Optimal Setting!All of the Alliance of Liberty: We know.Dust: So any acts of goodness we can do?Sub: Not until the evildoers do evil.

 

*Later, Kopaka is showing Skrall around*Kopaka: Now, there are six wings for rooming. The Toa, the Glatorian, the Slizers, the RoboRiders, and the Heroes.Skrall: That's five.Kopaka: Oh right! There is also the Unsponsored Wing where you just came from!Skrall: I liked that place. It was very generic.Kopaka: You like generic? Why?Skrall: Oh yes. Being generic is great. I like it because us Skrall are all one in a million.Kopaka: Okay then. You will be staying in the Glatorian Wing.Skrall: Will I have any roommates?Kopaka: No, but the Toa are right next door!*The two Bionicles arrive at a door to the Glatorian Wing.*Skrall: I like it here. There are no decorations.Kopaka: But it is so bland!Skrall: I see generic!Kopaka: Right. You like generic.Skrall: I do not. I love generic!Kopaka: So, you are the only Glatorian, but us Toa will let you join the Alliance of Freedom and oppose the Coalition of World Domination!Skrall: I'm a member of the Coalition of World Domination.Kopaka: WHAT?!Skrall: Skrall are bad guys.Kopaka: But you could, I don't know, be different?Skrall: But that wouldn't be generic!Kopaka: I think I will be going now.

 

*This comedy has 613 words*


  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#9 Offline Noise #0579

Noise #0579
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Bionicle Writer of the Month

  • 1,558 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 17 2013 - 08:43 AM

Sorry I didn't review sooner, been a little busy.  Anyway:

 

Poor Boss, he's never gonna catch a break.  Looks like I should get a refund on those faulty Exo-Toa and Arachnix Drones, too.

 

I really like how Skrall is obsessed with being generic. If he does end up getting upgrades, I can imagine him trying to hide them to keep pretending he's generic.  It's also neat to see the player companies being brought in--sort of expands the connection to the source material.

 

The split personalities of Slizers seems largely minor right now, it may be funnier if it became more prominent.


  • 0

Current Works:
Technic WarzoneGames and Trivia.  Fighters from various Lego lines compete in gladiator games and get to shoot death rays at each other.  Plenty of room for new players!  Tournament registration now open!
A Mind in Darkness: Epics.  To reclaim one of Turaga Nokama's Kanohi, Vhisola and Macku form an uneasy alliance and journey into the unknown.  Complete!

*NEW* The Blade of Valor: Short Stories.  When the Spirits of the Elements are in danger, Tahra must take up a legendary weapon and challenge the creature waiting inside Lewa's temple.  Testing a concept, so please respond if you'd like to see more of this.


#10 Offline VoxuChro

VoxuChro
  • Premier Member
    BioniLUG Member
  • Premier Members
  • The Shadow Reaper

  • 3,082 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 17 2013 - 08:48 AM

Dang kopaka seemed to um social. 


  • 0

BZPRPG CHARACTERS

Syvra-Tivanu-Vrina-Voulge-Kidona-Chivinix-Celis-Darvin-Draeverian 'DJ'-

aQ85UI0.png

"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."

My new Sprite-shop is open.  Click the image above to head over to the topic.


#11 Offline Captain Caboose

Captain Caboose
  • Members
  • Stone Champion Nuva

  • 1,537 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 18 2013 - 05:55 PM

So far only two sponsors have been named in here, and I like it how Skrall just likes generic.

 

I wonder who you'll put me in this when I'm mentioned.


  • 0

BZPRPG Profiles

Flaredrick Seria - Potas -'Jet Fire' -'Razor'- 'Infector' - Reso 'Vo - Kasrar 'V- Ludvin va Betravo - Vallen Tor - Molvr Kalr

#12 Offline VoxuChro

VoxuChro
  • Premier Member
    BioniLUG Member
  • Premier Members
  • The Shadow Reaper

  • 3,082 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 18 2013 - 07:56 PM

Soon Von Nebula shall rise


Edited by Vox The Shadow of Reality, Apr 18 2013 - 07:56 PM.

  • 0

BZPRPG CHARACTERS

Syvra-Tivanu-Vrina-Voulge-Kidona-Chivinix-Celis-Darvin-Draeverian 'DJ'-

aQ85UI0.png

"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."

My new Sprite-shop is open.  Click the image above to head over to the topic.


#13 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 19 2013 - 11:21 AM

Flaredrick, due to your Sponsor Symbol, which is the company logo, you will be the Solis Magnan Defense Force.

 

Chapter Four:

 

*Millennium and Sub are standing in front of a white screen*

Millennium: Before we begin the regular antics of this comedy,

Sub: We would like to make an important announcement.

Millennium: Last Chapter, Canis made a large error when writing the Chapter.

Sub: We are here to apologize for it.

Millennium: Canis said there were two good Slizers left.

Sub: In actuality, there are three.

Millennium: Canis left out Torch.

Sub: He is very sorry.

Millennium and Sub: We are here to apologize for the following:

-Sadness

-Confusion

-Injury

-Loss of home or property

-Destruction of property, public or private

Sub: Thank you for staying with us through this difficult time.

 

*It's another meeting of the Coalition of Evil Domination*

Granite: Guys! Guess what!

Electro: Another none leader villain has been sponsored.

Granite: Well, yes, but...

Electro: Who is it?

Flare: Hi. The Pulsate Corporation stopped sponsoring Evo and Surge, and started with me!

Electro: It's my long lost cousin Flare! We can both fly! Now we need a leader. Again.

Von Nebula: Ahem.

Virus: GASP! You're Von Nebula! You're a villain leader!

Electro: I LOVE YOU!

Granite and Amazon: WE DO TOO!

Energy, Rock and Jungle: SO DO WE!

Von Nebula: Um... What just happened?

Nidhiki: They have split personalities. None of them realize they are each others alternate personality.

Von Nebula: Well, as my first order of evil business, I will appoint my second in command.

Electro: Oo! Oo! Make it me!

Energy: No make it me!

Von Nebula: It's not going to be Granite, Electro or  Amazon.

Energy, Rock and Jungke: So it could be me!

Von Nebula: Or Energy, Rock or Jungle. That alternate personality thing creeps me out.

Boss: I'm a Titan. I could be your leader!

Von Nebula: NO! Skrall, dispose of him. Oh yeah, Skrall, you're too generic.

Skrall: That's fine with me. If I was the second in command, I would be less generic.

*Skrall picks up Boss and throws him down the trapdoor.*

Von Nebula: Nidhiki, you are too self absorbed to be my leader.

Nidhiki: I know I am! Aren't I the best?

Von Nebula: Virus, you're too ... virus-y.

Virus: But it's ... THE VIRUS!

Von Nebula: Flare, you are my second in command. And that is subject to change.

Electro: What is our first order of evil buisness?

Von Nebula: I'm going to steal the technology to Illegally Refit myself.

Nidhiki: So you are going to illegally Illegally Refit yourself?

Von Nebula: Yeah.

Granite: So, where do you sleep? With the Heroes?

Von Nebula: Nah, I got this nice place set up in the boiler room.

 

*Meanwhile, the Toa are sitting around the main area in the Toa section of the Coliseum*

Hewkii: So what are we going to watch for our first movie?

Lewa: How about a comedy?

Gali: No! I want to see a romance!

Onua: We should watch a historical documentary!

Lhikan: I agree with Onua!

Kopaka: Of course. You're the old guys.

Tahu: We need to watch an adventure!

Pohatu: Let's combine all of our ideas into one!

Onua: I'll right the plot!

*Onua scribbles onto paper.*

Onua: Here it is! In full prose!

 

'A young boy [Lewa] falls in love with a girl [Gali]. Then, she is kidnapped by a gang of bikers [Heroes riding RoboRiders, lead by Millennia]. The bikers team up with a gang [Coalition of World Domination]. The girl has a mystical amulet that will let the gangs unleash an army of invincible warriors [Exo-Toa] from an ancient temple. The young boy finds several powerful heroes wiling to help him [Tahu, Kopaka, Torch, Sub]. They then race off to to get to the temple. Along they way, they pick up a couple of other heroes wiling to help them [Onua, Pohatu, Lhikan, Hewkii]. The gangs get to the temple first, but it is protected by an ancient guardian [Boss]. The guardian puts up a valiant fight, but is killed by the gangs. The heroes get there and have a huge fight. Leader of second gang [Von Nebula] tries to unleash the army with the amulet, but finds out the amulet is powerless and the girl has its powers. Tries to sacrifice her. Young boy swoops in at last moment and saves her. Temple randomly explodes, killing all bad guys. Good guys inexplicably survive. Good guys find random stockpile of gold in the ruins of temple. Everyone lives happily ever after. Movie takes place in '30s. Final shot has leader of gang's arm burst out of rubble.'

 

All the Toa: Sounds good to me!

Lewa: Wait, that doesn't have any comedy!

Onua: You get to fall in love with Gali.

Lewa: I'm in!

 

*This comedy has 780 words*

 

Next Chapter: Filming begins!


Edited by Canis Lupus, Apr 19 2013 - 11:43 AM.

  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#14 Offline Noise #0579

Noise #0579
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Bionicle Writer of the Month

  • 1,558 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 19 2013 - 11:42 AM

I like that Millennia and Sub take the accuracy of the comedy very seriously.  That disclaimer should protect them from any lawsuits...maybe...

The Coalition finally has a leader!  A leader so evil that something that's already illegal isn't illegal enough for him!  Do the other villains realize that this plan will only benefit Von Nebula and not them? (though I imagine Skrall has no problem being the lackey.)

When the Toa are arguing, Lewa and Gali both say they want a comedy.  Is that an error?

Ah, movie magic!  Plenty of ways for that to get out of hand.  And I think I see the foreshadowing of a shipping war...


  • 0

Current Works:
Technic WarzoneGames and Trivia.  Fighters from various Lego lines compete in gladiator games and get to shoot death rays at each other.  Plenty of room for new players!  Tournament registration now open!
A Mind in Darkness: Epics.  To reclaim one of Turaga Nokama's Kanohi, Vhisola and Macku form an uneasy alliance and journey into the unknown.  Complete!

*NEW* The Blade of Valor: Short Stories.  When the Spirits of the Elements are in danger, Tahra must take up a legendary weapon and challenge the creature waiting inside Lewa's temple.  Testing a concept, so please respond if you'd like to see more of this.


#15 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 19 2013 - 11:45 AM

Gali was supposed to say she wanted a romance. That was an error.


  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#16 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 20 2013 - 06:57 PM

Chapter Four:

 

*Amazon and Nidhiki are sneaking into the room where upgrade materials are stored*

Amazon: Remember, get stuff for everyone, not just Nebula.

Nidhiki: There's someone in the corner!

Jungle: What are you doing?

Amazon: That is what I want to know!

*Out steps Onua holding an envelope*

Onua: Give this to Von Nebula, please.

*Onua hands them the envelope and walks away. Nidhiki rips open the envelope*

Nidhiki: Blah blah blah...movie filming blah...more blah...want us to be bad guys... role description blah... OH MY MATA NUI!

Amazon: What is it?

Nidhiki: They're going to pay us! BIG!

Amazon: We are doing it! We need evil funding!

 

*Boss, Onua, Lewa and Gali are standing in the arena cafe*

Boss: I'm so happy! I get to be cameraman!

Lewa: That is the worst job.

Boss: I get to be included!

Onua: In this scene, Lewa sees Gali and falls in love. Ac-

Lewa: What are our character's names?

Gali: Should I order some coffee?

Lewa: How should I see Gali? Should I be sitting down or standing up?

Onua: ARGH! Your character's names are your own. Gali is sitting down in a booth, Lewa enters and sees her. Action!

 

[color=#696969;]*Lewa walks into the cafe and sees Gali*[/color]

[color=#696969;]Lewa: I think you're beautiful.[/color]

[color=#696969;]Gali: Get away from me, you creep.[/color]

[color=#696969;]*Gali blasts Lewa with water.[/color]

 

[color=#000000;]Onua: CUT! Gali, stick to the script![/color]

Gali: What script?

Onua: This one!

*Onua hands Gali the script*

Gali: I have to say all these lines exactly?

Onua: Yes. And Action!

 

[color=#696969;]*Lewa walks into cafe and sees Gali*[/color]

[color=#696969;]Lewa: I think you're beautiful.[/color]

[color=#696969;]Gali: I think you are too.[/color]

 

Onua: CUT! That was good! Next scene: Gali is captured!

 

*All six sponsored Heroes, all of the six original RoboRiders, Millennia, Gali, Lewa, Onua and Boss are standing in the City-Realm*

Stormer: What RoboRider should I ride?

Lava: Who is riding me?

Onua: Okay: Tahu, Lava; Stormer, Frost; Breez, Swamp; Evo, Power; Rocka, Dust; Surge, Onyx.

Millennia: What is the name of the gang? And the symbol?

Onua: Why does it matter?

Millennia: I was hoping to get leather jackets as props.

Onua: You're the, I don't know, RoboBikers. Robots on bikes.

*Millennia picks up a phone and calls*

Millennia: Hello. Jackets. Leather. Yes. RoboBikers. Yes. Stereotypical robots on choppers. Thank you.

Boss: We can't film until the jackets get here!

*A crate falls out of the sky. Millennia opens it up and pulls out jackets and glasses*

Lewa: That was... fast.

Gali: Shouldn't there be a background crowd?

Millennia: I got it.

*Millennia pulls out his cell phone*

Millennia: Hi? Random Bland Extras? About a hundred.

*A bunch of grey and black Toa fall out of the sky in parachutes.*

Onua: Now we can begin.

 

[color=#696969;]*Gali and Lewa are running down the street holding hands*[/color]

[color=#696969;]Gali: We are so in love.[/color]

[color=#696969;]*RoboBikers appear*[/color]

[color=#696969;]Millennia: Okay gang, get that's the one! Get her![/color]

[color=#696969;]*RoboBiker's drive past Gali and Lewa, leaving a huge cloud of dust. When it clears, Gali is gone.*[/color]

[color=#696969;]Lewa: NOOO!!![/color]

 

[color=#696969;]*RoboBikers pull into a warehouse. Gali is tied up. Standing in the warehouse are the Coalition of World Domination*[/color]

[color=#696969;]Von Nebula: We are the Black Cyclones.[/color]

[color=#696969;]Millennia: We got her.[/color]

[color=#696969;]Gali: What do you want with me?[/color]

[color=#696969;]Millennia: Your necklace. It can awaken an invincible army of robots.[/color]

[color=#696969;]Everyone but Gali: HAHAHAHA![/color]

 

[color=#696969;]*Lewa walks into a private eye office*[/color]

[color=#696969;]Lewa: Are you the Nuva brothers?[/color]

[color=#696969;]Kopaka: Yes.[/color]

[color=#696969;]Tahu: May we help you?[/color]

[color=#696969;]Lewa: My girlfriend was kidnapped by a gang of bikers called the RoboBikers.[/color]

[color=#696969;]Kopaka: Is it kidnapping if she is an adult?[/color]

[color=#696969;]Tahu: That's what I say![/color]

[color=#696969;]Lewa: Uh, hello? Kidnapped girlfriend?[/color]

[color=#696969;]Tahu: Oh right. The RoboBikers are teamed up with a gang called the Black Cyclones.[/color]

[color=#696969;]Kopaka: We will free her.[/color]

 

[color=#000000;]*This comedy has 680 Words*[/color]


  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#17 Offline Noise #0579

Noise #0579
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Bionicle Writer of the Month

  • 1,558 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 21 2013 - 10:35 AM

At least Boss gets to do something!  The jackets are a nice touch--fast delivery, too.  So have the Nuva Brothers characters had previous dealings with the RoboBikers/Black Cyclones, and that's why they know they're working together?


  • 0

Current Works:
Technic WarzoneGames and Trivia.  Fighters from various Lego lines compete in gladiator games and get to shoot death rays at each other.  Plenty of room for new players!  Tournament registration now open!
A Mind in Darkness: Epics.  To reclaim one of Turaga Nokama's Kanohi, Vhisola and Macku form an uneasy alliance and journey into the unknown.  Complete!

*NEW* The Blade of Valor: Short Stories.  When the Spirits of the Elements are in danger, Tahra must take up a legendary weapon and challenge the creature waiting inside Lewa's temple.  Testing a concept, so please respond if you'd like to see more of this.


#18 Offline Sir Voltex the Blue

Sir Voltex the Blue
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • The Storyteller

  • 4,369 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Apr 23 2013 - 02:07 PM

[color=#008080;]I suppose I'll start following this, seeing as I have a reason to and all. =P We'll see how Surge goes, maybe?[/color]


  • 0

book_1_logo_super_small.jpg

^Click to read!^


INTERLUDE


A heist in BZ-Koro goes precisely as scheduled.

SIGN UP NOW!!!


#19 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 24 2013 - 03:53 PM

Chapter Six:

 

Sub: Before we begin, we have yet another apology.

Millennium: Canis typed 'Chapter Four' in the last chapter instead of 'Chapter Five'.

Sub: He is very sorry.

Millennium and Sub: We are here to apologize for the following:

-Sadness

-Confusion

-Injury

-Loss of home or property

-Destruction of property, public or private

Sub: Thank you for staying with us through this difficult time.

Millennium: ...We said those exact same lines last time, didn't we?
Sub: We did.
 
[color=#696969;]*Lewa is talking to the Nuva Brothers*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Lewa: So how do you know about the Black Cyclones and RoboBikers?[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: We had a ... encounter with them.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Kopaka: Not particularly good or bad.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: We found out they were going to steal a map.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Kopaka: And when we went to stop them,[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: They gave us a large buffet of food.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Kopaka: It was divine.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: And drugged.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Kopaka: We were knocked out cold.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: And when we awoke, the map was stolen.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Kopaka: Now could you describe your girlfriend for us?[/color]
[color=#696969;]Lewa: Um, my height, blue.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: Any jewelry?[/color]
[color=#696969;]Lewa: Yeah. A necklace. Black Kiril, two black gears behind it.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Kopaka: This is bad.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: Very bad.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Kopaka: Come with me. I'll get Sub, you get the other two. Lewa, wait here.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Lewa: What are you doing?[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: We're getting the band back together.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Lewa: How is music supposed to save my girlfriend?[/color]
[color=#696969;]Kopaka: He means band as in company.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Lewa: How is making money going to get my girlfriend back?[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: We mean company as in crew.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Lewa: Ships?[/color]
[color=#696969;]Kopaka: TEAM! WE MEAN TEAM![/color]
 
[color=#696969;]*Much later, Kopaka, Tahu and three others return.*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Lewa: Finally, you're back.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Kopaka: This is Sub.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: These are Torch and Lhikan.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Torch: You're girlfriends necklace is the Amulet of Hapori-[/color]
[color=#696969;]Lewa: Oh come on. Hapori Tohu doesn't look like that.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Torch: Dume.[/color]
[color=#696969;]*Lewa faints.*[/color]
 
[color=#696969;]*Artwork of farms appears on screen.*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Torch: Long ago, Hapori Tohu ruled over all of the land of BZPower peacefully.[/color]
[color=#696969;]*People buzz around the farms.*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Torch: But some wished to end this peace.[/color]
[color=#696969;]*A lightning strikes, and Hapori Dume appears.*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Torch: Hapori Dume over threw Hapori Tohu. Some think he acted alone, but he was aided by many Exo-Toa.[/color]
[color=#696969;]*Exo-Toa fall out of the sky*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Torch: Luckily, it was April Fools, and it was just that no one cared that Dume had take over. The Exo-Toa were disabled, and sealed away in an ancient temple. They can only be awakened by the Amulet of Hapori Dume. If they are unleashed, they will be unstoppable.[/color]
 
[color=#696969;]*Lewa wakes up in a bus*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Lewa: Where am I?[/color]
[color=#696969;]Lhikan: Going to an ancient temple to save your girlfriend.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Sub: Uh, some guys on pink horses are trying to raid the bus.[/color]
[color=#696969;]*Tahu gets out and stands on top of the bus*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: What are you trying to do?[/color]
[color=#696969;]Onua, Pohatu and Hewkii: Yer trespassin' on ah rock farm![/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: We just want to get to an ancient temple and save a guys girlfriend from the RoboBikers and Black Cyclones.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Onua: Te Black Cyclones! We here hat 'em![/color]
[color=#696969;]Hewkii: Min' if weh cahm wit' yeh?[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: Only if you drop the annoying accent.[/color]
[color=#696969;]Pohatu: Fine.[/color]
 
[color=#696969;]*The two gangs arrive at the temple, which is shaped like a pyramid*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Boss: STOP! I WILL DEFEND THIS TEMPLE![/color]
[color=#696969;]Von Nebula: ATTACK![/color]
[color=#696969;]*Battle rages for ten minutes before Flare and Electro fly into the air and hit Boss from the air.*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Boss: That wasn't very ... honorable...[/color]
[color=#696969;]*Boss dies. Just then, the bus pulls up and out jump the good guys.*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Von Nebula: Hold them off! I will activate the Exo-Toa![/color]
[color=#696969;]*Von Nebula climbs temple and attempts to activate the Exo-Toa. There is no spot for the amulet. Gali starts glowing.*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Gali: What is happening?![/color]
[color=#696969;]Von Nebula: The powers of the amulet are within you![/color]
[color=#696969;]*Lewa swoops in on a vine and lands. He smashes the amulet with his axe, grabs Gali, and swoops away.*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Von Nebula: That is going to be anti-climatic![/color]
[color=#696969;]*Temple suddenly explodes. Good guys jump off at last second.*[/color]
[color=#696969;]Tahu: Hey look here! In the rubble! It's a large stash of gold![/color]
[color=#696969;]Kopaka: We're rich![/color]
 
[color=#696969;]*Movie ends. Stereotypical what happened to every character screens play. Credits follow. Then, right after the credits end, Von Nebula's hand bursts out of rubble.*[/color]
 
Onua: So, what do you think?
Millennium: The ending was rushed.
Breez: My character never spoke.
Everyone whose character had no lines: Neither did mine.
 
*This comedy has 738 words.*
 
Kudos to you if you got the reference in the scene where Onua, Hewkii and Pohatu meet the other good guys.

  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#20 Offline Noise #0579

Noise #0579
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Bionicle Writer of the Month

  • 1,558 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 25 2013 - 07:56 AM

Ah, good ol' Hapori Dume.  An interesting way to spin the tale, with that lovely artwork.

Boss dies?!  Well, I guess that's the fate of temple guardians...

I don't think I get the reference...

Hm, I'm curious to know how well this did in the box office.  The Coliseum could always claim a portion of the profits, heheheh.


  • 0

Current Works:
Technic WarzoneGames and Trivia.  Fighters from various Lego lines compete in gladiator games and get to shoot death rays at each other.  Plenty of room for new players!  Tournament registration now open!
A Mind in Darkness: Epics.  To reclaim one of Turaga Nokama's Kanohi, Vhisola and Macku form an uneasy alliance and journey into the unknown.  Complete!

*NEW* The Blade of Valor: Short Stories.  When the Spirits of the Elements are in danger, Tahra must take up a legendary weapon and challenge the creature waiting inside Lewa's temple.  Testing a concept, so please respond if you'd like to see more of this.


#21 Offline VoxuChro

VoxuChro
  • Premier Member
    BioniLUG Member
  • Premier Members
  • The Shadow Reaper

  • 3,082 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 25 2013 - 08:11 AM

Ah love the way nebula still lives

 

SEQUEL?


  • 0

BZPRPG CHARACTERS

Syvra-Tivanu-Vrina-Voulge-Kidona-Chivinix-Celis-Darvin-Draeverian 'DJ'-

aQ85UI0.png

"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."

My new Sprite-shop is open.  Click the image above to head over to the topic.


#22 Offline Sir Voltex the Blue

Sir Voltex the Blue
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • The Storyteller

  • 4,369 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Apr 25 2013 - 02:22 PM

[color=#008080;]welp[/color]

 

[color=#008080;]I guess I will not follow this then. :P[/color]

 

[color=#008080;]Gotta love those endings, though. Suspenseful.[/color]


  • 0

book_1_logo_super_small.jpg

^Click to read!^


INTERLUDE


A heist in BZ-Koro goes precisely as scheduled.

SIGN UP NOW!!!


#23 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 25 2013 - 07:51 PM

Why won't you follow it?

 

(PS- For the reference, here is a hint: Pink horses on a rock farm.)


  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#24 Offline Sir Voltex the Blue

Sir Voltex the Blue
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • The Storyteller

  • 4,369 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Apr 25 2013 - 07:56 PM

[color=#008080;]Well, it appears as if you have ended it. I cannot follow something that no longer runs on two feet. (Or six feet, if you want to be picky about it).[/color]


  • 0

book_1_logo_super_small.jpg

^Click to read!^


INTERLUDE


A heist in BZ-Koro goes precisely as scheduled.

SIGN UP NOW!!!


#25 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 26 2013 - 06:33 AM

I think you misunderstood. The story arc of the characters filming a movie is over. The actual comedy is not.


  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#26 Offline VoxuChro

VoxuChro
  • Premier Member
    BioniLUG Member
  • Premier Members
  • The Shadow Reaper

  • 3,082 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 26 2013 - 06:47 AM

I think you misunderstood. The story arc of the characters filming a movie is over. The actual comedy is not.

Um i honestly think Ibrow is saying all this in a joking manner canis.


  • 0

BZPRPG CHARACTERS

Syvra-Tivanu-Vrina-Voulge-Kidona-Chivinix-Celis-Darvin-Draeverian 'DJ'-

aQ85UI0.png

"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."

My new Sprite-shop is open.  Click the image above to head over to the topic.


#27 Offline Phovos

Phovos
  • Members
  • Mask of Time Discovered

  • 4,250 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 29 2013 - 04:39 AM

I'm feeling more and more sorry for Boss. But at least he's allowed to take part...


  • 0

#28 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 29 2013 - 03:29 PM

Chapter Seven:

 

Sub: We are getting tired of having to constantly apologize

Millennium: So for the future,

Sub: We set up a law office!

Millennium: It is called Fak, Elaw and Yers.

Sub: It's number is 325-3686.

Millennium: Or for those of you that like letters to remember their numbers, FAK-ENUM.

Sub: They will show you justice.

Millennium: And get you the trial that you deserve.

 

 

*The Coalition of Evil is sitting in their lair.*

Von Nebula: I have two orders of evil business.

Virus: Is the first is to get everyone infected with ... THE VIRUS?

Von Nebula: No. I'm making strike teams of two. Every team has one thing in common.

Granite: I hope I get Rock on my team!

Rock: I hope I am partnered with Granite! He's the best.

Von Nebula: The first is Electro and Flare.

Flare: YEAH! Flying Slizers in the house!

Energy: What about me?

Von Nebula: That first one is Electro, Energy and Flare. The second is Skrall, Granite and Rock.

Skrall: But he's not generic at all...

Granite: He's too bland!

Von Nebula: You're both have Rock as an element. Next, Amazon, Jungle and Nidhiki.

Nidhiki: I do look good today. Wait what was that?

Amazon: What do we have in common?

Von Nebula: You're both green. Finally, me and Virus. We both use Gravity.

Electro: What is the next order of evil business?

Flare: You'll see. I got the box, boss.

Boss: Wh-

Electro: TRAPDOOR!

Von Nebula: Strike Team Rock. Put this box in the vents. Set the timer to ten minutes.

Skrall: What is this? Is this evil scheme typical?

Von Nebula: It's a little creative.

Skrall: I refuse to participate.

Von Nebula: Fine. It's Strike Team Green's job.

 

*Later, everyone is gathered in the auditorium. The Coalition of Evil have gas masks.*

Evo: These are Hero Cuffs.

Breez: They latch onto an opponent and temporarily paralyze them.

Evo: Very usef- What is that smell?

Von Nebula: I have set up the mother of a stink bombs! The Coliseum shall be closed!

Stormer: Run! Escape the smell! Sub, Gali! Use your powers on us! PLEASE!

*Then, the sound of a chopper is heard. A Pahrak walks in*

Pahrak #0579: Alright, I made the Coliseum and it is my duty to supervise it. It is closed for a week. You all have vacations.

Torch: Va...cat...ions?

Pahrak: #0579: That's right. Toa, you're going to Metru Nui. Glatorian, Bara Magna. Slizers, your planet. RoboRiders, you're own planet. Heroes, Makuhero City. Villains, jail/

Von Nebula: NOOO! You'll never take me alive! I'm going into the vents!

*Von Nebula runs toward the vents and suddenly falls.*

Von Nebula: The odor... It breaks through gas masks. Virus, please, take me with you to your planet. Don't leave me here to die of smell...

Virus: Why me?

Von Nebula: You don't have a sense of smell. You don't have a Rider. You are the machine. The machine can't smell.

Virus: Right. What's in it for me?

Von Nebula: I'll make you a little robot body.

*Virus quickly drives in, grabs Von Nebula and drives away.*

 

*Virus and Von Nebula arrive on the RoboRider planet. They go to Virus's home.*

Virus: All right. Make me that body.

*The TV is blaring*

Announcer: It has been another exciting day in the race for the new president! The Virus Rider is currently in the lead!

Von Nebula: WHAT? You're running for president?

Virus: I'm going to call them right now. Those cool dudes at the news station. Always messing the story up.

Von Nebula: You're running for president.

Virus: Hello... Virus Rider... Yes I know... I KNOW! ...The story is wrong...my party is in the lead, not me... yes it is a big deal! HUGE.

Announcer: Sorry about that. The Anarchist party, of which Virus Rider is a main driving force, is currently in the lead.

Von Nebula: Would you mind explaining this too me?

Virus: Fine. I want to overthrow the government, and in the chaos, start a new government. I would infect everyone with ... THE VIRUS, and create a utopia.

Von Nebula: And destroy free will.

Virus: Are you crazy? We're villains. That's what we do!

Von Nebula: Fine. I'll help you-re party win.

 

*This chapter has 702 words in it.*


  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#29 Offline Noise #0579

Noise #0579
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Bionicle Writer of the Month

  • 1,558 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 29 2013 - 04:56 PM

It took me a while to figure out the lawyer names, but I see what you did there.

Ooh, looks like the Coalition succeeded in an evil scheme, more or less!  Now they're building credibility!

Thanks for the cameo!

Overthrowing the RoboRider government, eh?  Interesting--looking forward to seeing more details on this vague old world.


  • 0

Current Works:
Technic WarzoneGames and Trivia.  Fighters from various Lego lines compete in gladiator games and get to shoot death rays at each other.  Plenty of room for new players!  Tournament registration now open!
A Mind in Darkness: Epics.  To reclaim one of Turaga Nokama's Kanohi, Vhisola and Macku form an uneasy alliance and journey into the unknown.  Complete!

*NEW* The Blade of Valor: Short Stories.  When the Spirits of the Elements are in danger, Tahra must take up a legendary weapon and challenge the creature waiting inside Lewa's temple.  Testing a concept, so please respond if you'd like to see more of this.


#30 Offline Infamous Ironic Iguana

Infamous Ironic Iguana
  • Members
  • Emerging Ice Warrior

  • 1,833 posts
  •  

Posted Apr 30 2013 - 09:16 PM

Chapters 1 and 2

 

Grammar/Spelling/PunctuationMost of the difficulties in this comedy consist of typos (don;t, for example). I highly suggest looking through your comedy before posting it, just to catch anything that you missed while in a mad writing rush. Goodness knows I miss things. BZP has a handy dandy autocheck, so looking through for spelling is usually pretty easy. Words like "RoboRiders" aren't in there though, so many of the spelling errors are understandable, though, again, checking must be done.60 Alternate Personalities out of 100.Humor:Quite a few jokes in this made me laugh, and it didn't seem like you were forcing them too much, which is always a plus. On the other hand, the bits about the items seemed a bit strained, though the scene with the fire Toa was pretty funny.Being as Humor is a subjective category, it's hard to say how to get better.However, 75 Arguing Ta-Toa out of 100.Plot:Because I don't play Technic Coliseum, I can't really grade this reliably. I'll just say that from what I've seen it's a bit stereotypical, but maybe the villains will be smart this time.For better or worse, 67 out of 100.Overall/Writing StyleDespite my dislike for script comedies, this pulls it off rather well. Just watch the typos, and you'll do good.68/100.


  • 0

"They're smarter, faster, and stronger than us. Fantastic."


#31 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted May 07 2013 - 07:45 PM

Chapter Eight:

 

*Skrall walks into a generic cafe*

Skrall: Ah, the generic Coffee Hut.

Attendant: What can I get you? And I would prefer 'Technician in Serving Heated Coffee Plant Based Beverages', thank you.

Skrall: Who are you taking to? I'll take a generic, basic coffee.

Technician in Serving Heated Coffee Plant Based Beverages *Grumble*: Here you go. I'm going to go into the back room now, and not come back.

Skrall: Okay. Sip.

*Some time passes*

Skrall: Sip.

*More time passes*

Skrall: Sip.

*Even more time passes*

Skrall: Sip. Say, where are the unsponsored Glatorians?

 

*The unsponsored fighters are in the Coliseum*

Stringer: Here in this safe, we're safe from the smell.

Malum: Everyone, put on these cloths as gas masks for safety.

Boss: I got left behind.

Toxic Reaper: So? We did too.

Boss: I'm sponsored.

*Tarix, Turbo, and Blaster burst in*

Blaster: Guys! I defused the stink bomb!

Turbo: And I sprayed good smelling stuff and cleaning chemicals on everything!

Tarix: And I hosed everything down?

Blaster: It's safe to go out.

Vapor: YES!

*Vapor runs outside and collapses*

Malum: YOU LIED TO US!

Vapor: I collapsed from shock of not smelling bad stuff, and these cleaning chemicals they used are really strong. It's safe!

 

*Von Nebula and a little figure are walking along the street. Or rather, the little figure is sitting on Von Nebula's shoulder. Oh, yeah everyone else is running away from Von Nebula.*

Von Nebula: Virus, you did really bad in that debate. The opposition is going to win.

The little figure who we now know is Virus: Why do you think that?

Von Nebula: Let's see, you interrupted a guy and started talking over him.

Virus: But his points were so idiotic!

Von Nebula: You knocked another guy out.

Virus: He was being annoying.

Von Nebula: YOU SHOT ONE OF YOUR OPPONENTS!

Virus: Not fatally. I don't see what's so big about that...

Von Nebula: Sigh. And then you got kicked out for disorderly conduct.

Virus: I'm an Anarchist! I'm not supposed to follow the rules!

Von Nebula: I give up. Why is everyone running away from me?

Virus: Really? You're only, I don't know, TEN TIMES THEIR SIZE!

 

*The Heroes are playing Halo 4*

Breez: You're going down!

Surge: Killed by a girl! At Halo!

Furno: Stormer, you've got skill!

Stormer: Quite the opposite of you!

Furno: Oh, you're going DOWN! DOWN TO THE GROUND! SAY HEllO TO MY ROCKET LAUNCH- AUGH! I JUST GOT SNIPED!

Bulk: By who?

Furno: Some guy named 'NextGeneration'.

*Evo turns to the guy next to him*

Evo: Nex, do you have any idea who this is?

Nex: ...

Evo: Wait... NEXtGeneration!

Nex: ...

Furno: Team up on him!

*Minutes later.*

All the Heroes but Nex: How did he snipe all of us in one minute?

 

 

*The next day, the Coalition of World Domination is sitting around*

Granite: Ah, it is so nice to be back in our lair.

Skrall: So generic.

Von Nebula: We have two new members! Strack and Jet!

Electro: So now we have all the evil Slizers.

Flare: What about Blaster and Spark?

Energy: Original evil Slizers.

Von Nebula: Alright. Jet, you and Strack will be working together in Strike Team .... Delta.

Strack: What do we have in common?

Von Nebula: Uh, uh, uh... Judge! You are now my second in command!

Judge: I see. And what about Jet?

Von Nebula: He's your assistant.

 

*The Toa are gathered in their area*

Nuju: Kopaka?

Kopaka: Yes?

Matoro: Me and Nuju want to be your posse.

Kopaka: Why?

Nuju: You're awesome! Class E, Nuva, dual time Champion!

Kopaka: Okay.

Jovan: I'm of an nontraditional element,!

Helyrx: We know.

Jovan: I'm going to sleep in a hammock!

Hewkii: Great.

Jovan: I'll be different!

Lhikan: Okay.

Jovan: I'l stand out!

Everyone: GREAT! WE DON'T CARE!

 

*Skrall walks into his living quarters.*

Skrall: GASP! WHAT HAPPENED?

Strack: I redecorated.

Skrall: Is this traditional Ice Tribe living quarters?

Strack: Umm, yeah.

Skrall: Good. I'll only let this go if it is generic.

Strack: Why?

Skrall: I am generic. I am uber-generic. I am generic to the max.

Strack: Okay then. You sound boring.

Skrall: I just want to be plain.

 

*Helyrx, Gali and Breez enter a room.*

Helyrx: Ladies, we are here to have a feminist revolution.

Gali: Will there be snacks?

Breez: Do either of you two want a makeover?

Gali: No thank you. I want to eat.

Helyrx: There are only three female fighters! We need more! We are being discriminated against!

Gali: So we trick the guys into getting fat on snacks?

Breez: We give them makeovers?

Helyrx: NO! From now on, we are the Female Revolutionary League!

Gali: As long as we have snacks.

 

Next Chapter: Jovan meets Skrall!

 

*This comedy has 794 words.*


  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#32 Offline Toa K

Toa K
  • Members
  • Scavenger Va

  • 638 posts
  •  

Posted May 07 2013 - 09:10 PM

Nuju and Matoro don't even mention that I just started sponsoring them? How rude of them.  They're lucky I don't dock their pay. :P But seriously good chapter and good comedy(I think this is my first post here but I've been reading it for a while.)


  • 0
Bionicle Mafia: Unfinished Business- It's a fun game in G&T. Join now to have much fun. I would post a link but I don't have access to a working computer so I'm having to use my phone which can't do links. Only 6 spots left. Get em before they're gone.

#33 Offline Noise #0579

Noise #0579
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Bionicle Writer of the Month

  • 1,558 posts
  •  

Posted May 08 2013 - 07:33 AM

Ah yes, the old gender ratio. :P  In my defense, the pools I'm drawing from are horribly unequal, so there's not much I can do.  Curious to see how this plays out, though.


  • 0

Current Works:
Technic WarzoneGames and Trivia.  Fighters from various Lego lines compete in gladiator games and get to shoot death rays at each other.  Plenty of room for new players!  Tournament registration now open!
A Mind in Darkness: Epics.  To reclaim one of Turaga Nokama's Kanohi, Vhisola and Macku form an uneasy alliance and journey into the unknown.  Complete!

*NEW* The Blade of Valor: Short Stories.  When the Spirits of the Elements are in danger, Tahra must take up a legendary weapon and challenge the creature waiting inside Lewa's temple.  Testing a concept, so please respond if you'd like to see more of this.


#34 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted May 11 2013 - 01:15 PM

Kapura: Well, fighters rarely, if never mention their sponsor corporations. Pahrak: Yeah, I know. Just wanted to poke a little fun in it. (PS- I hope you don't mind filling the omnipotent janitor trope.  :P)

 

Chapter Nine:

Pahrak #0579: Do do do do dee. Do do dee do. Wait, why have the letters, 'FRL' been painted on the walls?

Helyrx: Vive la revoluciona!

Breez: Vive la makeoveras!

Helyrx: That's not even real Spanish!

Breez: So? You're not even a sponsored fighter anymore!

Gali: SNACKS!

Helyrx: I have to be in the League! We only have three members!

Breez: We don't even need to have a League!

*Breez and Helyrx start fighting*

Pahrak #0597: Must...resist...urge...must..resist. AH! It's too dirty! CLEAN IT ALL! CLEAN IT ALL!

*Gali throws her face into a pie*

Gali: So good. So good.

*Pahrak comes over, lifts Gali's face up and wipes it with a napkin*

Pahrak #0579: CLEAN IT ALL! CLEAN IT ALL! CLEAN IT ALL!

*Pahrak runs off screaming CLEAN IT ALL*

Breez: What was that all about?

Helyrx: I have no idea.

Gali: MY PIE!

*Pahrak runs back in and opens up Gali's mouth. He takes out a toothbrush and starts brushing Gali's teeth.*

Pahrak #0597: CLEAN IT ALL! CLEAN IT ALL! Hmm. Hmm. CLEAR! CLEAN!

*Pahrak runs away again*

 

*The evil villains are meeting*

Von Nebula: I am proud to announce that we have a real second in command!

Jet: So I lose my position?

Von Nebula: Yep. I'm replacing you with a Titan!

Boss: OOH! OOH! Is it me?

Von Nebula: Electro, I hereby name you as official trapdoor operator.

Electro: This is the best day of my life! Thank you!

Von Nebula: Ahem. Boss.

Electro: Oh right. TRAPDOOR!

Boss: WHY!?

Blaster: So am I the new Titan?

Von Nebula: You are indee-

Pahrak #0579: CLEAN IT ALL! CLEAN IT ALL! CLEAN IT ALL!

Von Nebula: What just happened?

Nidhiki: A brown Bohrok ran past you yelling 'Clean it all'.

Virus: INFECT IT ALL! INFECT IT ALL!

Amazon: Great. Now he's all infect-y.

Virus: INFECT IT ALL! INFECT IT ALL!

 

*Skrall and Strack enter a cafe*

Skrall: I love the Sandwich Shoppe.

Strack: You know, I thought you were really boring at first, but now I see you're the only normal person here.

Skrall: Thanks. Hey, we should get Von to make us into Strike Team Glatorian!

Strack: Good idea. Wait, who's that?

Skrall: It's a Toa! The Sandwich Shoppe is a Glatorian only environment!

Jovan: I wanted to be different.

Stack: Wait, you didn't just say that. SKRALL! Calm down!

Skrall: DIFFERENT?

Jovan: NOT OF THE NORM!

Skrall: I'll kill you!

*Skrall unsheathes his sword*

Skrall: FOR GENERISM!

*Jovan takes out his Magnetic Bolt Launcher*

Jovan: FOR UNIQUENESS!

Strack: Oh brother.

 

*The Heroes are lazing around*

Furno: GUYS! I HAVE HORRIBLE NEWS!

Evo: Nex still isn't talking, no matter what we do!

Surge: He is so focused on his game!

Bulk: We've tried everything!

Furno: Pahrak #0579 is on a rampage!

Stormer: And we mean EVERYTHING!

Rocka: Tickling with feathers, slamming pots on his head, unplugging the game.

Evo: For the last one, he just went somewhere else.

Furno: GUYS! IT'S A CLEANING RAMPAGE!

Stormer: So what?

Furno: Look around the room.

*The room is a complete mess.*

Bulk: Its awesome here.

Furno: And Pahrak #0579 is going to clean it up!

Stormer: We must fight for messiness!

Breez: And this is why the Female Revolutionary League is a good idea.

*Five minutes later*

Rocka: What happened?

Surge: He came. He saw. He cleaned.

 

*The good Slizers are sitting in their library*

Torch: So, any ideas on why Pahrak is doing this?

Sub: Yes. The first is that he is a Bohrok. Their mission is to clean.

Scuba: The second is that he is omnipotent and janitors are always omnipotent.

*Millennium jumps off his chair and starts walking around on four feet. He goes over and picks up a Disk with his mouth. He drops it at Torch's feet*

Torch: Um, thanks. Why are you on all fours?

Millennium: WOOF!

Torch: And barking?

Millennium: WOOF WOOF! ARF! BARK!

Torch: Do you want me to throw the Disk?

Millennium: BARK! BARK! ARF!

*Torch throws the disk. Millennium goes chasing after it. He gets it and brings it back.*

Torch: So you wanted to play fetch? Um, Sub, a little help here?

Sub: Say, wasn't he infected with Hordika Venom?

Torch: Right. And now he is acting like an animal.

Mil Hordika: ARF! WOOF! BARK! WOOF WOOF!

Millennium: AH! Stupid Hordika Venom! Making me act like a dog!'

Millennia: When everyone knows I'm a biker!

 

*The Female Revolutionary League is meeting*

Helyrx: Okay then. We have THREE new recruits!

Breez: Just one question.

Helyrx: Ask. And when did you stop being the makeover obsessed lunatic?

Breez: Who made you leader?

Helyrx: The fact that I founded this organization! Anyways, the new recruits are Luna, Space Slizer!

Luna: Then if we calibrate the parabola of the rocket when using force X...

Helyrx: Kiina, Glatorian.

Kiina: Can I be second in charge? Also, what Luna says is really interesting!

Luna: Oh yeah. I have an evil split personality called Nightslizer Moon.

Helyrx: And finally, Gray! A RoboRider!

Gray: Does anyone want a makeover?

Breez: ME!

Helyrx: GAH!

Gali: Is our element!

Kiina: That was the worst pun ever.

Gali: I know.

 

*The villains are meeting again*

Granite: WOAH! Two segments devoted to us in one chapter! That's unheard of!

Strack: Me and Skrall would like to become a pair.

Von Nebula: Wait! That works! Jet and Granite are both Slizers! I accept!

Blaster: Any evil plan ideas?

Flare: I have one. It's not really evil, but is perfect for making money!

Virus: INFECT IT ALL! INF-

Amazon: Really, dude? You just had to interrupt? So what's the plan?

Flare: So. There is at least one female fighter for each type. We make a lot of Valetine-y stuff, hold a dance and sell all of the stuff. All the male fighters will buy everything, and we'll be rich!

Skrall: I have a suggestion! After we're done with that, we hang the girls over a vat of acid or lava and hold them for ransom!

Von Nebula: Where would we put this vat?

Skrall: I was thinking your room.

Strack: You mean the boiler room.

Blaster: That settles it. This is our plan!

 

*This comedy has 1023 words*


Edited by Canis Lupus, May 11 2013 - 01:17 PM.

  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#35 Offline Captain Caboose

Captain Caboose
  • Members
  • Stone Champion Nuva

  • 1,537 posts
  •  

Posted May 11 2013 - 01:31 PM

Wow, Pahrak malfunctions and goes into his Bohrok mode.


  • 0

BZPRPG Profiles

Flaredrick Seria - Potas -'Jet Fire' -'Razor'- 'Infector' - Reso 'Vo - Kasrar 'V- Ludvin va Betravo - Vallen Tor - Molvr Kalr

#36 Offline Noise #0579

Noise #0579
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Bionicle Writer of the Month

  • 1,558 posts
  •  

Posted May 11 2013 - 02:13 PM

It's funny because I'm germaphobic in real life

 

Not gonna lie, "Nightslizer Moon" is one of the coolest names I've ever heard. :P

 

At first I was wondering what was going on with Millennia, but with Hordika Venom it does make sense.  Will something similar be happening to Gali?  If so, which animal will she end up emulating?

 

So, what happened with Virus and the election?


  • 0

Current Works:
Technic WarzoneGames and Trivia.  Fighters from various Lego lines compete in gladiator games and get to shoot death rays at each other.  Plenty of room for new players!  Tournament registration now open!
A Mind in Darkness: Epics.  To reclaim one of Turaga Nokama's Kanohi, Vhisola and Macku form an uneasy alliance and journey into the unknown.  Complete!

*NEW* The Blade of Valor: Short Stories.  When the Spirits of the Elements are in danger, Tahra must take up a legendary weapon and challenge the creature waiting inside Lewa's temple.  Testing a concept, so please respond if you'd like to see more of this.


#37 Offline Phoenixian Wraith

Phoenixian Wraith
  • Members
  • Toa

  • 127 posts
  •  

Posted May 15 2013 - 10:15 PM

PW: Alright, Kiina! Aim high, kiddo! Also... Lava hasn't turned up, I wonder why...

 

Lava: It's cos I've been sleeping, moron. You ain't been sponsoring me much.

 

PW: Oh, ahehehe... I'll fix that...

 

Kiina: Um, boss?

 

Boss: Yeah?

 

Kiina: Not you, my boss - Phoenixian.

 

Boss: Oh... okay....

 

PW: Yeah?

 

Kiina: Can... can I get... the Venom? I wanna look beast-y!

 

PW: Hrm... Yeah, why not. Soon as I get the Widgets for it. And buy Lava OS first...

 

Kiina: YAY!

 

This short skit/comment/no-flaming-idea-what-to-call-this brought to you by Phoenix Inc., home of fireworks, ammunition, decals and tattoos!


Edited by Phoenixian Wraith, May 16 2013 - 12:01 AM.

  • 0

#38 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted May 17 2013 - 05:29 PM

Chapter Ten:

*The Coalition of World Domination is sitting around*

Von Nebula: Alright. Let's go over all the roles.

Blaster: Strike Team Flying Slizers, you are music and decorations.

Von Nebula: Strike Team Green, you are on selling our romantic stuff.

Blaster: Strike Team Other Slizers, same thing.

Von Nebula: Strike Team Glatorian, you are on making the pit of acid in my room.

Blaster: Strike Team Gravity, you are refreshments.

Von Nebula: And Blaster, you are organization and backup.

Blaster: So what is the first order of buisness?

Von Nebula: Follow me.

 

*The Female Revolutionary League is chatting*

Helyrx: So, we got our own rooms to ourselves!

Breez: I don't have to live with the slobs anymore!

*Von Nebula and Blaster walk in*

Helyrx: Why are you here?

Von Nebula: We want to hold a dance!

Blaster: And we need you to agree to it!

Kiina: Why are you doing this?

Gali: I thought you were evil!

Von Nebula: We are. We're going to make so much money off of chocolates, cheesy cards, Rent-A-Tux, Rent-A-Dress and tickets that we'll be able to something evil!

Helyrx: We accept.

Kiina: I knew you would nev- Wait what?

Helyrx: Just make it a girls's choice dance.

Blaster: Thank you!

*The evil Titans leave*

Gray: I can't believe you agreed to this!

Luna: So, if the tangent is TOA, then you have to use the sine, which is SOH.

Gali: Is all she does talk about science-y mumbo jumbo?

Nightslizer Moon: Yes. It's so boring!

Kiina: But you're not around to listen to her. If she's active, you're not, so you can't hear her...

Gali: Meow. Meow. Mrow.

Gray: What is happening?

Luna: The diluted venom extracted from the spider-like Rahi called, 'Visorak' is giving her a bestial mindset.

Breez: Um, what?

Nightslizer Moon: The Hordika Venom is messing with her head.

Helyrx: If you're going to emulate an animal, at least emulate one with power! Be a lion!

Gali: ROAR! ROAR!

Helyrx: Much better.

 

*Electro and Flare are hanging up decorations.*

Electro: So, I want to be DJ.

Flare: I want to be DJ!

Energy: I want to be DJ!

Electro: There is but one way to settle this.

Flare: A fight. Traditional rules. No powers, no weapons, hand to hand. Loser commits seppuku.

Energy: I don't think we need that last part.

Flare: Yeah, that is a little harsh.

Electro: A little?

Flare: Okay! A lot!

*The two Slizers prepare for a fight and charge at each other.*

Electro: YAH!

Flare: KIAI!

*The two begin fighting. Then, Electro reigns supreme over Flare."

Energy: Not so fast!

Electro: I have defeated my opponent!

Energy: As long as there is another, you must fight them or commit seppuku. Which is outdated, but still!

Electro: Very well. I accept the challenge.

*Electro starts beating himself up.*

 

*Gray enters the RoboRider garage and hops out of her cycle*

Lava: I'm better because I'm Class C!

Swamp: Well, I'm OS! Hey look, Gray seems like she's about to ask one of us out!

Gray: Lava, will you go out with me?

Lava: YES! All those chocolates and cards worked!

Gray: ...What chocolates and cards?

Lava: You know, all the ones I stuffed into your room from the small letter hole!

*Gray opens up her door and a mountain of cards and chocolates collapses on her.*

Swamp: So, why did you ask out Lava and not me?

Gray: He's Class C. Much better than you.

Swamp: But he's out of your league! I'm your Class!

Gray: He certainly thinks that.

Swamp: *Grumble*

 

*Helyrx and Gali walk into the Toa area*

Gali: I want to go with a Mata!

Helyrx: Then I'll go with someone that isn't a Mata.

Gali: Kopaka, do you want to go to the dance with me?

Kopaka: Yes! Why me?

Gali: Hm. You're the only Class F in the entire Coliseum, and you're Nuva. ARE YOU CRAZY?

Helyrx: Now I have to find a date.

Matoro: Here's my card asking you to go to the dance with me. I know you'll say no, but it's worth a shot.

Helyrx: I like your meekness. Plus, you're the non-Mata that has a distinguishing feature!

Matoro: Really? What's that? And you like meekness?

Helyrx: You are a Champion.

Kopaka: YEAH! Me and one of my posse are going to the dance! So, anyone up for a double date?

Helyrx: Sounds good to me!

Matoro: Well, if Helyrx likes the idea, then I do too.

 

*Luna walks into the Slizer's library.*

Sub: We Slizers are such cultured gentlemen!

Pahrak #0597: I can't believe you live in such messiness!

Torch: It's not really that messy.

*Pahrak straightens out one book that was on a table*

Millennium: So, why are you here?

Luna: I've come to ask someone to the dance.

Sub: Oh. Is it me?

Luna: No.

Sub: That is fine with me. More time to read!

Luna: Millennium, I choose you.

Millennium: Okay!

Millennia: Oh, Nightslizer, here's my card.

Nightslizer Moon: Did you just ask someone out when you already had a date?

Millennium: No, I want to go with Luna.

Millennia: I want to go with Nightslizer.

Mil Hordika: WOOF BARK! ARF BARK?

[color=#ffffff;]Mil Hordika: [/color][color=#000000;][I want fetch. You want fetch?][/color]

[color=#000000;]Torch: How long has Mil Hordika had subtitles?[/color]

[color=#000000;]Scuba: Prior to this, he probably wasn't actually saying anything.[/color]

Mil Hordika: ARF BARK WOOF! ARF ARF!

Scuba: And that confirms it.

 

*Kiina walks into the boiler room*

Kiina: Hey, Strack do you want to go to the dance with me?

Strack: Uh, uh.

Kiina: Um, why are you pouring acid into a pot in the boiler room?

Skrall: Uh, uh.

Strack: Um, look Kiina. Von doesn't want us taking dates.

Kiina: You mean you don't want to go to the dance with me?

Strack: Well, yes, but-

Kiina: You fon't think I look good? *Crying*

Strack: Skrall, what do we do?

Skrall: I don't know!

Gresh: Kiina did you get my car- Why are you crying?

Kiina: These two don't want to go to the dance with me!

Grash: I do!

Kiina: Oh. I forgot you were sponsored.

 

*Breez makes her way through dirty clothes piled knee high.*

Evo: Behold! A lone female enters our den of messiness!

Stormer: What task thou here?

Furno: Begone at once, or face the dracons!

Breez; Have you been playing World of Shakespeare?

Surge: Yes, we hath.  It wath Nex who introducedeth us to it.

Breez: That's not real Shakespeare. You know that, right?

Bulk: Yes. We knoweth.

Breez: I choose Furno.

Furno: Whyeth does thou wisheth to do with me?

Breez: You're Class B and upgraded. And stop talking like that!

Furno: Fine. Now, let's see if we can get Nex to talk!

 

*Lava is getting ready for the dance*

Lava: Putting on my tux. Do do do do dee!

???: Stop right there. I'm going with Gray to the dance!

Lava: She asked me out! Who are you?

???: Wouldn't you like to know!

Lava: I'll fight you!???: I doubt you'll win. Out of your cycle you're weak.

Lava: How do you plan on tricking Gray?

???: Simple. I'll get in your cycle and use your voice modifier.

*Lava and ??? fight. ??? ties Lava up.*

Lava: You'll never get away with this.

 

*This comedy has 1213 words*


  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?


#39 Offline Captain Caboose

Captain Caboose
  • Members
  • Stone Champion Nuva

  • 1,537 posts
  •  

Posted May 17 2013 - 05:45 PM

It's funny even with two spelling errors.


  • 0

BZPRPG Profiles

Flaredrick Seria - Potas -'Jet Fire' -'Razor'- 'Infector' - Reso 'Vo - Kasrar 'V- Ludvin va Betravo - Vallen Tor - Molvr Kalr

#40 Offline Canis Lycaon

Canis Lycaon
  • Members
  • Fluidic Master Nuva

  • 1,320 posts
  •  

Posted May 17 2013 - 05:46 PM

It's funny even with two spelling errors.

Wait, what are the errors? Tell me so I can fix them.


  • 0

I used to have a banner here.

 

But that RPG is dead.

 

What now?





0 user(s) are browsing this forum

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users