_Artakha_ Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) The Tale of HardexThis is the first story I've ever started writing down and saving, so Comments and Constructive Criticism are more than welcome.Dramatis PersonaeHardex: Axonn's species. A member of the Hand of Artakha for a short time before it was disbanded, joined the Order of Mata Nui a few years after it was formed.Radeeka: Vortixx. A member of the Order of Mata Nui. Her past beyond that is unknown as of yet.Xylax: Skakdi of Psionics. Main bad guy of the story. However, he is not have any powers yet because Spiriah's experiment has not yet occurred. He is unusually intelligent for a Skakdi, being able to use Kanohi.Green armored Skakdi guard: Skakdi of Air. Also not able to use any powers at this time. He will be important in a later chapter.HelryxHydraxonSkakdi Crew: Bad guys, as you may have guessed.A few VortixxI will edit in new Characters as they appear in story. Edited October 31, 2011 by _Artakha_ Quote Check out my Lego Ideas Project! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Po Koro Productions Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 epic story, keep it up. It might even rival mine PKP Quote PM me to give me your ideas for my story or email them to me at awsomejack118@yahoo.co.uk!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cederak Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 You're off to a decent start. No noticeable problems with grammar or spelling. Spacing dialogue would be nice, though I suppose it isn't required. More of an aesthetic really. Anyway... Characters are good, though their description could use some work. And some color. I had no idea Hardex was red until Radeeka said something about it. In terms of story, I like the sense of rising action so far. It'll be interesting to see what happens next. -Ced Quote Cederak's Library l Blog: Fair Enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Artakha_ Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 You're off to a decent start. No noticeable problems with grammar or spelling. Spacing dialogue would be nice, though I suppose it isn't required. More of an aesthetic really. Anyway... Characters are good, though their description could use some work. And some color. I had no idea Hardex was red until Radeeka said something about it. In terms of story, I like the sense of rising action so far. It'll be interesting to see what happens next. -CedGood point about the color... I MoCed both of them and am writing off of that. Am I allowed to link to the pics?MoC topic for Hardex Quote Check out my Lego Ideas Project! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cederak Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 You're off to a decent start. No noticeable problems with grammar or spelling. Spacing dialogue would be nice, though I suppose it isn't required. More of an aesthetic really. Anyway... Characters are good, though their description could use some work. And some color. I had no idea Hardex was red until Radeeka said something about it. In terms of story, I like the sense of rising action so far. It'll be interesting to see what happens next. -CedGood point about the color... I MoCed both of them and am writing off of that. Am I allowed to link to the pics?MoC topic for Hardex Yeah, linking to pics is fine. Though it might be better to edit the first review post and keep the link there. The thing about writing though, even if you have images, is that your writing should assume the pictures are never viewed by your reader. It reminds you to make description very important. Not that I'm against MOCs or anything - I once MOCed several characters for a saga of stories on the old board. -Ced Quote Cederak's Library l Blog: Fair Enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.