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Nuparu's Greed


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#1 Offline Fresh Makuta of Bel-Air

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Posted Oct 17 2011 - 05:26 PM

Nuparu beamed as he looked up at his latest creation. Years of engineering experience had come down to this. Kralhi was its name. The orders for automated law enforcement came all the way down from Turaga Dume himself. Ah, and there he was! "Enter," said Nuparu, as the Turaga stepped into his workshop. The shop itself was just located just above the archives. It had a small apartment above for Nuparu, and below in the workspace sat the Krahli. "Ah, Nuparu, it's brilliant!" gasped Dume as he paced around the slumbering enforcer. "Perfect. This is just what we needed. You're certain this process can be replicated in mass production?" "Positive, sir," replied Nuparu. "Great," said Dume. "Your payment will be along shortly. Nuparu, you're one of the finest engineers Metru-Nui has ever known." Taken aback by this compliment, Nuparu stammered. "I-uh, thank you sir," he managed to say. "Good night," said the Turaga, and left Nuparu alone with his work. Nuparu knew the Turaga was right. He was the best. As long as Nuparu could remember, he was the go-to man for designing any sort of mechanism on the island. The Ta-Metruan forges needed new smelters? Nuparu should be able to help.. New lab equipment for Ga-Metru? Let Nuparu know. He was the Matoran for the job, and his employers knew it. He resumed some last minute tinkering with his creation. There was another knock at the door. "Turaga, back already?" smiled Nuparu without looking up. "Hello Matoran," a smooth voice called out. Not Turaga Dume. Nuparu spun about to see a blue and white Rahkshi. He rushed to activate his prototype Krahli but it was shut down by an electric power. "No need for that." "What do you want, beast?" stammered Nuparu, as the Rahkshi drew closer. "Beast?" it replied, somewhat offended. "I am an agent of the Makuta of Metru Nui, and I have come to enforce a new revenue gathering regulation." "Makuta? Revenue gather - what? What does this have to do with me?" Nuparu was confused. He paid a certain amount to the island each year but he knew what for: chutes, the foundries, the Archives, and many other proud stalwarts of Metru Nui's success. But this? What could these "Makuta" possibly want with his hard earned widgets? "Yes, Nuparu. Your little island is one of many. Why, without your prosperous little trading post, what would keep the factories running in Xia? The Skakdi have been acting strange, we must fund the Visorak occupiers to keep the island stable. Destral needs widgets too. Are we meant to pay for that on our own, little Nuparu?" Nuparu fumbled for the switch to activate his creation. Regardless of whoever this "Makuta" was, this agent of his was a trespasser. The machine remained deactivated. "I asked you a question, Matoran," said the Rahkshi. "Uh...why not? Metru Nui has its own concerns. I don't even know where the Skakdi are; how would I benefit from paying you?" "Well you see Nuparu," droned the Rahkshi. "This is the law of the land. This is a big universe, and you are but a small cog. The concerns of all must be considered." "Very well, but I haven't been paid for my work yet." The Rahkshi paused. "Well, you see...that will be a problem. The deadline is now. Punishment for failure to comply is imprisonment." Nuparu's vision filled with electricity and he fell unconscious. - - - "Nuparu! Nup - oh what am I saying, get him out of there!" Nuparu regained consciousness in the prison in the Coliseum. Turaga Dume was standing over him while the Kralhi guarding the cell gradually stepped away. "Great Spirit!" yelled Nuparu. "What was that all about?" "I'm so sorry Nuparu, I should have paid you earlier," apologized the Turaga. "This machines though: good stuff! They guarded your cell a bit too effectively." Nuparu realized that several of his Kralhi were lumbering around outside. "Turaga, how long was I unconscious for?" "Oh Nuparu, you designed these things. Surely you must know how they work? One of your initial guards was malfunctioning. Drained you almost to death! We're surprised you woke up just a week later." Nuparu's sane Matoran spirit was filled with outrage, but his engineer's mind was actually kind of proud of himself. "So do I get paid for this whole ordeal, or what?" he demanded. "Respect your Turaga," said a Kralhi merchanically. "My apologies," said Nuparu, somewhat sarcastically. "Of course. We've gone ahead and deducted the Brotherhood Tithe," said Turaga Dume. The resulting widget pile was somewhat disappointing. "So this is what the best engineer in the city gets paid these days?" Nuparu gasped, dumbfounded. He had provided an entire new law enforcement system for the city. He was no petty street vendor. "You can live just fine off of that," smiled the Turaga. "Now off you go." --- Nuparu glared back as he took the chute back to his workshop. The best engineer in the city, and here he sat with the wages of a mere archivist or sculptor. He understood Unity, Duty, and Destiny; but did the Makuta? Why was this a one way contract? He did his job for the good of many as Mata Nui intended him to do, but he doubted he would ever see a dime from those Skakdi. As he departed the chute, he was met by several Le-Matoran playing flutes. "Spare some widgets?" mused the many musical Matoran mischievously. "I'm sorry, I really don't have any to spare. Just paid my Brotherhood Tithe," sighed Nuparu, still bitter about what he viewed as a mugging. "Oh? Is that so?" asked one of the bigger Le-Matoran, and stepped into Nuparu's path. "I know you. You're Nuparu, the best engineer in all the island!" he sneered. "That's me," said Nuparu warily, and attempted to step aside. "Come on now, don't lie to us," growled the Matoran. "You've got to be filthy rich. All those inflated Metru-wide contracts you've got. Dume never did care about the working Matoran!" Nuparu stopped. "Working Matoran? I've worked harder than you have in your whole life. Since when has playing the flute been a hard laborious profession? I've spent years of blood, sweat, and tears to get to where I am today. What have you done?" The Le-Matoran stepped back, struck dumb by Nuparu's sudden vitriol. "So much for unity, duty, and destiny," sighed another, and put down his flute dejectedly. "You know nothing of the three virtues," spat Nuparu. "No better than a bunch of Piraka, the lot of you." As Nuparu walked away he heard the bitter jeers of the Le-Matoran die away before they resumed their flute ensemble. Was he a monster for his ability? Did he deserve their anger? In the end, he knew this was inescapable. Envy would always exist in some Matoran. Yet, in the end, was he greedy for refusing to help others? Or were they greedy for refusing to help themselves? Nuparu shrugged, and returned to his workshops. Philosophy was for the Ga-Matoran and Ko-Matoran. He would engineer as he always had. The island needed him; if not as a philanthropist than as their best engineer. It was his job regardless of what others thought, and had been since he was born. Unity, duty, and destiny. That's the way he saw it, and that's the way it would be. ----------
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#2 Offline Master Inika

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Posted Oct 17 2011 - 05:49 PM

Very nice. This does a great job of showing everyday economic life in Metru Nui, and is especially interesting with the modern-day economic troubled in real life. 9/10.
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#3 Offline Blizzard Hazard: Valendale

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Posted Oct 19 2011 - 04:10 PM

A great story. It proves that a comliment can do more harm than good, but on the other hand, Nuparu has a point.Perhaps Dume should watch what he says in the future.
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#4 Offline Zero Makuta

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Posted Oct 19 2011 - 05:23 PM

I like this a lot. It's very well written and shows a good conflict within Nuparu. I also enjoyed seeing how Turaga Dume (or has he been taken over in the story?) wasn't the most considerate person, despite being a Turaga. But one thing was off; Nuparu seemed to know nothing of the Makuta, which seems wrong to me. I thought all Matoran knew of the Brotherhood. Beside that little point, this was a great short story! 9.5/10
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Unity. . . Got it covered


Duty . . . Well, still working on it.


DESTINY . . . Meh.


2 out of 3. =D


#5 Offline Steelsheen

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Posted Oct 20 2011 - 06:27 PM

First off, let me say, thank you for the good grammar! ;) So many fanfic writers have no appreciation for good spelling/sentence structure any more.Second, your plot is well executed and draws the reader in. Nuparu is a real person, with flaws and good points, and above all, he talks realistically. Great job on that.My only criticism is that the story seems to have no definitive ending. It seems as though it either needs a sequel or an epilogue.
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#6 Offline Fresh Makuta of Bel-Air

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Posted Oct 31 2011 - 08:00 AM

Very nice. This does a great job of showing everyday economic life in Metru Nui, and is especially interesting with the modern-day economic troubled in real life. 9/10.

Thanks! That's the theme I was aiming for, but of course there's plenty of ways to interpret any short story. Glad you liked it.

A great story. It proves that a comliment can do more harm than good, but on the other hand, Nuparu has a point.Perhaps Dume should watch what he says in the future.

Agreed. I'm planning on a sequel eventually so I think we'll see a little more of the fallout from that.

I like this a lot. It's very well written and shows a good conflict within Nuparu. I also enjoyed seeing how Turaga Dume (or has he been taken over in the story?) wasn't the most considerate person, despite being a Turaga. But one thing was off; Nuparu seemed to know nothing of the Makuta, which seems wrong to me. I thought all Matoran knew of the Brotherhood. Beside that little point, this was a great short story! 9.5/10

You're right. I'm a little rusty in my lore but I remembered something about the Matoran not being completely familiar with the Brotherhood. Probably just me remembering wrong. Glad you enjoyed it!

First off, let me say, thank you for the good grammar! ;) So many fanfic writers have no appreciation for good spelling/sentence structure any more. Second, your plot is well executed and draws the reader in. Nuparu is a real person, with flaws and good points, and above all, he talks realistically. Great job on that. My only criticism is that the story seems to have no definitive ending. It seems as though it either needs a sequel or an epilogue.

Thanks! I always think good grammar is the starting point for anything. You could have the best plot and character development in the world but it wouldn't matter if it was incomprehensible. Developing Nuparu as a character was something I focused on and something I'll focus on in the sequel. I left it open ended to give myself some flexibility with potential sequels.

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