Comedy Forum Expo: Spring 2013

[MT Zehvor]

Hey everyone! Welcome to the second semi-annual Comedy Forum Expo, where various writers in the comedy forum will be showing off what they've been working on as well as giving some previews of what the future of the forum looks like.

 

Due to some sort of fever I seem to have acquired recently (right at the start of exam week, no less), I can't say I'm feeling particularly funny at the moment, so I don't have any sort of special introductory one shot where all the characters come out and explain what this is in a roundabout way. Since that's the case, I'll do it in a more straightforward fashion.

 

The expo here has been divided up into six days. Each day will belong to a certain writer, who will be debuting/showing off some stuff they've been working on. This can range from new comedies being announced, to plans for currently running comedies, or anything inbetween. Last fall's expo worked out really well, and I can only hope this one goes as smoothly.

 

In addition to that, you will also get the opportunity to watch iBrow sing the pigeon song. Why will he be doing this, you ask? Well, unfortunately for him, back when we were still planning this expo, I secretly wrote in one of my posts with white text (so it shows up invisible unless highlighted) that if iBrow took the last day for this expo, then he would have to sing the pigeon song. And guess what? He did. So here we are, and the world awaits your performance, iBrow.

 

 

(Well, minus the seeds part)

 

-MT(I actually never wrote that I wonder if he'll still sing the pigeon song though)

 

EDIT: Here's the schedule:

 

April 27: Meta

28: Kaithas

29: Shadow Bionics

30: Phovos

May 1: That one cool MT Guy

2: iBrow

Edited April 27, 2013 by Toa Zehvor MT

[Phovos]

Quick! We need to save Toa Zehvor and refill his funny meter!

[Voltex]

So I guess I just figured out how this Expo's oneshot is gonna go... curses... xD

[MT Zehvor]

Meta will show up eventually.

 

(I hope)

 

-MT

[MetaStriker]

CFE Spring 2013

 

Part 1: Meta Strikes Back

 

Meta: It’s good to be back.

 

Fox: It’s good to be here—for the first time? Why wasn’t I in this before?

 

Meta: (ignoring Fox) Anyway, we’ll try to make this as short as possible for you guys…

 

Fox: Like you can make anything short. Well, except for yourself.

 

Meta: You no talkie. Anyway, the first news will be regarding Before the Madness. Let’s turn this over to the Tahus.

 

Fox: This will not go well.

 

In the House…

 

Tahu Mata: (holds iPhone up against wall and presses the video button): Well, here goes. Welcome to our part of the CFE.

 

Tahu Nuva: Wouldn’t this be like a mini-part?

 

TM: And why do you say that, sunshine of my existence?

 

 

TN: (matter-of-factly) Well, it’s a part within a part, isn’t it?

 

TM: Quiet. Anyway, I’m here to discuss news regarding my comedy, Before the Madness. First, all the sets will be in by the end of the season...WHAT?

 

Meta: All right, what’s the problem?

 

TN: You mean…BIONICLE is ending?

 

MN: (facepalms) Fine. All the sets will be in by the end of the season, and a short war will have erupted by then. Season 2, Part 1 will depict the end of the war and Part 2 will be pure comedy. (sprays memory gas into TM and TNs’ eyes, making them forget the whole situation)

 

TTP: And this is why I should rule NAW. Look, they didn’t even have the iPhone the right way. (turns the phone so the back camera faces him)

 

A millennium ago, in a robot far, far away…

 

Meta: No, I am not kidding. Welcome to The Phantom Antidermis!!!

 

“I have a bad feeling about this,” I muttered.

 

“What do you mean; you have a bad feeling about this? The meeting was great!”

 

“I know, Master Lesovikk, but—“

 

“But what, Tahu? They served caviar and root beer with real sugar!”

 

“Yes, they did. They’re feeding us our demise.”

Shoot, I guess I haven’t introduced myself yet (although he kinda did). I’m Tahu, and I’m in the Toa Order, led by the Toa Council, who strictly told us not to go here. Of course, Lesovikk doesn’t get bad feelings about anything, and dragged me away from MNLOG to negotiate with Mutran.

Did I mention that I had a bad feeling about this?

 

Back in Reality…

 

Meta: This will be released near the middle of the CFE, so keep your eyes peeled for it! Next, we have a new thing we’re trying out here at NAW…see if you like it! Here we are going to reveal some of the characters…

 

Tahu: A gambler trying to find money to keep Kolhii going, and keep his fiancée, Gali. He bets Tahu that he cannot take Hahli to Voya Nui for $1,000.

Gali: Tahu’s fiancée. She has been waiting 14 years to marry him, and is very furious that he is still gambling money away.

Jaller: One of the most revered gamblers. Stopping by in Metru Nui, what he has planned and what actually happens are very, very different.

Hahli: Runs the failing Coliseum with Nuju. Unbeknownst to her, she is part of a bet to get $1,000 from Jaller.

 

Fox: If you haven’t guessed what this is yet, I pity you.

 

Meta: Shut up, Fox. I don’t want you messing up the entire Expo.

 

Fox: It’s a theatre spoof. That’s all I’m—

 

Meta: Out. Now.

 

Fox: Aw, all right. Star Fox, over. (exits)

 

Meta: Phew. Finally, we can get to the most important thing here: the final season of The Fire Chronicles. Now, I do recall TTP stating back in the Fall Expo that there would be five seasons, but plans change, and beings running the thing change as well.

 

TTP: (sigh) Let’s just get the prologue up.

 

Meta: Yes, there was no prologue in Season 2. But this being the last season of the comedy, and who knows, maybe the whole series…

TTP: Oh, I’ll start it up again. You know I will.

 

 

Meta: And that is why…hey, how about I show you part of the prologue instead?

 

Good idea. Let’s roll!

 

To the Council…

As the owner of this comedy, I am well aware of the letter my doppelganger has sent to you. I write to you in the hope that you realize how wrong and inexperienced he is.

I have led this comedy fairly well (certainly better than he has). I employed the old narrator immediately in his time of need, whereas TTP sent him into a dark realm that he had no control over. That was fairly stupid of him and I would never trash my employees like that.

 

“Well…he is kinda right. He stood up for my comrades when they were being bullied,” Snake said.”

 

Listen to Snake. He’ll tell you everything.

 

“…that is just downright creepy. Let’s just keep reading this.”

 

With this, I can blame the rise of Ranox onto him because he exiled Narrator and thus influenced the poor chap to come back…and thus defeat the Great Being.

Secondly, the power that I hold is meant for one person and one person only, as you held it as. TTP let no one else get in his way, and lead the comedy in a way that he calls smooth and a way I call mediocre. It depends on the way he runs it. His idea was broken up into groups, but I personally let my beings work to the best of their ability to help out around NAW. They get what they get, do what they do, and don’t get upset.

 

*_*_*_*

 

Meta: And that is why TTP will never gain my respect.

 

TTP: I’m amazed that got past CS. She would’ve killed you for saying that about me.

 

Meta: Sure, it would, one: if I listened to her, and two: if I could die.

 

TTP: Oh, please. Narrator almost died.

 

Narrator: Yeah, and thanks to you! Anyway, expect to see me a little more in this season…just a little more.

 

TTP: Yeah, and who told you that?

 

Narrator: It’s a secret to everyone.

 

TTP: Twenty-three is number one!

 

Narrator: …I’m out of here. (exits)

 

Meta: Anyway, as you’ve seen just now, the main conflict will be around that lousy box of gears and myself for a good portion of the season. I expect the season to be around 10 chapters, but hey, I’m not rushing it.

 

TTP: WHAT?!? You just said that plans change!

 

Meta: True that. And this one happened at around two seconds.

 

The season will be released on Friday, May 3rd.

 

Meta: So keep your eyes peeled! And be sure to check back for other news on other great comedies! Thank you and have a great weekend!

 

I do ask that entries after this use a heading like the one above, just to keep the steady flow. Thanks for having me, CFE, and have a great night!

 

(please, MT. You know I wouldn't be late )

 

~MN~

[MT Zehvor]

...pretty sure half of your actions in that were illegal to some extent.

 

Hmm. Phantom Menace spoof. It's been a while since there's been a good spoof on the forum. There were some Zelda ones a while back that were pretty good...but they didn't have nearly as much story material to go off of. Plus, you can never make fun of the Star Wars prequel trilogy enough.

 

Also...that's a pretty quick release date for a comedy announced so suddenly. The hype train will have to depart quickly.

 

Good start to the expo. Looking forward to that and the next season.

 

(Also I knew but I had to make this exciting somehow)

 

Actually I didn't know

 

--MT

[Light]

CFE Spring 2013:

 

The Adventurer's Guide to Mata Nui revival/double chapter. If this doesn't make much sense, the first two chapters can be found here.

 

***

Chapter 2

 

 

Reco put his backpack down on Relan's spare bed, ignoring the flinch his friend gave when the pack was set down. “Makuta has another plan.”

Before Relan says anything about how he doesn't want to help, the Guide has something to state.

The Makuta's Takeover of Metru Nui:

Last time the Makuta tried to take over, he had an ingenious idea. He infested the city with some rather large spiders, rapidly covering the village in spider webs. This plan worked quite well, until the janitors of the town rallied and charged down the streets, swing their pushbrooms.

Nothing, not even a Makuta and a horde of giant spiders, can stand against angry union workers armed with cleaning implements.

“Reco, I don't know why you need me. All I want to do is avoid Ash Bear attacks and drinking Muaka's Banes, which you don't, if memory serves.”

His friend grinned. “Well, this time you're really the only one that can help.”

Relan rubbed the bridge of his nose, inhaling deeply. “Tell me how I'm supposed to aid you, please?”

“Do you have a broom?”

Reco had good days and bad days. One difference was the number of random questions he asked.

This was rapidly turning out to not be a good day.

“Yes, I do. It's just in the closet over there,” Relan replied. “But I don't see how that has to do with any-”

Reco was already in motion, grabbing the broom and beating an arachnid to death.

Another indicator of a good day: the non-occurrence of random events in Reco's presence.

Again, bad day.

It should be noted that while the Encyclopedia may be more useful in the long run to chemists, its writers laughed off evidence presented to them by the United Cleaning Association of Metru Nui.

The Guide, however, did not.

Visorak:

Nasty creatures. Not very sporting, they prefer to paralyze victims and cocoon them, mutating the unfortunate with their venom. The mutated lose calmness, complicated speech, and anything that would

get one to invite them for a drink at Tomar's.

Unless, of course, the drink is a Muaka's Bane. Then it doesn't much matter how they talk.

The Adventurer's Guide goes on to say that the Visorak show a surprising weakness to straw weapons with wooden handles, elsewhere known as brooms.

A few minutes later Reco was panting in the hall, a dead Visorak lying on the floor with dried grass embedded in its carapace.

Relan glared at his friend. “Care to explain why that spider is lying in my floor?”

“I bashed it in the head with a broom. Several times. Didn't you see?”

A migraine was coming on, Relan knew it. “I mean, why was it in my house in the first place?”

Thankfully, Reco had the good sense to give Relan a straight answer.

Warning Signs:

An important skill for every adventurer to learn is when wit is and is not appropriate. Common warning signs of when one is going too far include eye twitching, putting a hand to the forehead, aiming a weapon at you, and the worst symptom, aggressive strangulation.

Relan had reached stage two, hand to forehead.

“Because, obviously, it doesn't want you to help me. Or,” Reco said as he scratched the back of his head, “he could just be getting revenge for the insecticide bomb I attached to that dead Nui-Rama. I'm not quite sure.”

A moan issued from Relan's mouth, sounding an awful lot like “ohwhyisitalwaysme”.

To Reco he said, “Fine. What exactly do we need to do?”

Reco grinned. “I knew you would help. First, we need to get a team and supplies.”

Trips:

Invariably, one needs rather more on a trip than he or she can pack. However, this is a problem that must be dealt with, because adding more team members to carry things mean more gear to carry.

In addition, there's always an additional variable. The Remembering What You Need Factor.

Unfortunately, a the RWYNFactor decreases greatly when a Guide researcher, such as Reco, is added to the group.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” Relan asked. “This doesn't look like a place where heroes would be found.”

Reco grinned. “Trust me,” he said as he opened the door to the United Cleaning Association of Metru Nui.

***

Back, with 90 percent more plot.

[Phovos]

Yay! More plot!

 

Oh dear, it seems that the RWYNFactor will be decreasing a lot around here...

[MT Zehvor]

Nice follow up to a good first day. Although...I don't think Makuta had all that good of an idea the first time around...

 

-MT

[ShadowBionics]

All right, well it's my turn to go ahead and reveal what exactly it is I have up my sleeves. Before any of you ask, Yes, Unsolved Mysteries will continue. However, I'm going to make like Nintendo and not have anything about or announce it. XD *cough*Pikmin 3*cough* All right, well, this is going to be filled with upcoming material for the Zelda/Bionicle cross-over series that I am doing. At least based on the various teasers I have made. Why don't we begin with where the series is actually meant to begin. You know, when Vader was nothing but a little kid who was annoying and Jar Jar was made real. Oh, wait, I'm thinking of the wrong beginning... Bionicle: Skyward Stooge-- Prelude to Stupidity Krika, voice-over: For over a thousand generations, the Brotherhood was the protector of peace and justice throughout the land under the leadership of Makuta Miserix. Before the dark time. Before the corruption. A young Makuta called Teridax, who was a friend of mine, hunted down and and defeated those who opposed him. Teridax was seduced by the dark side of the force *We then cut to a scene of Teridax, staring out at the audience with his eyes glowing crimson. The sound of loud, almost mechanical breathing can be heard throughout. It turns out Teridax is at a library. And hes staring angrily at the book, and he only looked up at the audience for just a brief moment to clear his head.* Teridax: ABCDGL5 QEleventy-seven Grr! Why cant I remember how to read?! *A few hours pass until Hylia arrives, holding onto the Kanohi Avokhi in one hand.* Hylia: There you are, Teridax. Where have you been? Teridax: Theyve been lying to us, Hylia. Hylia: What? Teridax: The Great Spirit, the Golden Goddesses, theyve all been telling us nothing but lies! And I have the proof right here! Youre trying to take her away from me! You traitor! Hylia: What?! Who?! Teridax: You, Marco! Youre trying to take Amanda away from me. You, Mata Nui, and those three golden ladies who look like Oscars! Hylia: Thats a romance novel. And they dont look like Oscars. Teridax: If its just a fictional romance novel, why was it marked as non-fiction? Hylia: But youre standing next to the childrens literature. Although youre right that the book has been shelved wrong. Teridax: But this book tells about the lies of Mata Nui and the three goddesses right here! Hylia: Hop on Pop? Teridax: Thats not all. I discovered a great prophecy that explains how I am the one destined to inherit this world! Hylia: The Very Hungry Caterpillar? Teridax: I see through the lies of the goddesses. I do not fear the evil side as you do. Hylia: Teridax my allegiance is to the Great Spirit. To freedom! Teridax: I also found this riddle that explains why Mata Nui hasnt done anything aside from give you that mask that could spell my doom. Hylia: A bear's three favorite words are: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Im pretty sure that was from Bear in the Big Blue House Teridax: It was all easy once I found the answer to the equation x+5x-3x^2=2x Hylia: Teridax, you know I hate math! Dont use math on me! Math is evil! *Teridax starts to walk away, passing by Hylia as he does so.* Hylia: Teridax, where are you going? Teridax: Dont call me that anymore! Only a few have a right to call me that name, and you have none! The next time you call refer to me, call me the King of Darkness! *Hylia attempted to run after Teridax, but he ran away so quickly that by the time she made it outside, everything was on fire.* Hylia: By Nayrus Love! Teridax how could you? Oh, Teridax If only I could help you see No. I need to put a plan into action. Oh, Teridax Why did it have to be this way? *Somewhere in the heavens* Din: I knew it was a bad idea to leave her there on her own. Nayru: Yet you never said anything. Din: I wasnt sure she would let Teridax get this crazy in the head. Nayru: The knowledge in those books overloaded him. We should never have left that library open. Hopefully, Hylia will find a chosen hero to help her bring order. Din: Whats the point of that Mask of Light shes got? Nayru: I honestly dont know. Din: Here I thought wisdom was your thing. Nayru: Dont make fun of me, Din! Farore: I think its a pretty mask. Nayru and Din: Shut up, Farore! Din: Why did we have to be the only smart ones around here? Nayru: Are you implying you have any sign of brilliance? Din: You did not just say Im dumb! Nayru: I believe that was called a burn. Din: Want to know a few things about burning? Fires my thing after all! Nayru: No thanks. Farore: The sun is so shiny and bright. I bet its so hot there, Id melt! Din: Be quiet, sister! Nayru: This doesnt involve you! Farore: Why do I always get left out? Krika, voice-over: I was there. I was there when the strength of Hylias forces fell. There was no hope left for anyone that day I wished to join her but I would only have been met with the wrath of the Darkness King It could have ended that day, but instead the only thing that transpired was a never-ending cycle of reincarnation and evil. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All right, so that is going to spoof the prequel Manga to Skyward Sword. Now, for those asking about the spoof of Skyward Sword itself? I wasn't originally going to post it on here after complaints about the series as a whole, but I'm going to give BZPower one more shot. So here is a preview of the story, as well as one of my favorite moments. The story is currently 6 chapters long, with more to continue. Bionicle: Skyward Stooge *Elitha struggled as Krekka held her in his arms.* Elitha: Let go of me! Somebody help me! Krekka: Duh, Im the captain. Me hold you. Elitha: Please, sir, let go of me! Nidhiki: That wont be happening anytime soon, you silly girl. Elitha: You lived among us once I remember you, Professor Nidhiki. Nidhiki: So someone actually remembers me? Elitha: I never forgot. Your class was once of my favorites. It was because of you I even took over the library in your absence. Nidhiki: My library Ghirahim: Please do not talk to the sacrifice. Elitha: Sacrifice?! Let go of me! Krekka: Duh. *Ghirahim then takes a role of tape, strapping the brush with the blond hairs to Elitha's arm. Ghirahim then takes a double-bladed staff weapon called the scissor scythe (making it a misnomer), activating the blade, and then using it to cut into Elithas pure essence. Elitha falls unconscious. Ghirahim then uses the soul fragment he had and inserts it into the dark mask given to him by his master. He takes the dark mask in his hands and slams it over Elithas Kanohi Rau. Nidhiki looked on in regret as Ghirahim created a Horcrux for Elitha. Having been well-read, he knew nothing good would come from this.* *Krekka followed Ghirahim, now cosplaying as Maximillion Pegasus cosplaying as a Great Being, as they went into a dark chamber with only a circular window as the source of light.* Ghirahim: Nidhiki? You know what to do. *Nidhiki nodded sadly as he began to weave a cocoon around Elitha. For so long, he figured all of the students at the Knight Academy hated him. For so long, he wanted to get away from those who annoyed him, especially his former brother Lhikan. Then it all changed the day he met a dark villain Now he was no longer accepted by anyone. The villain partnered him with Krekka for whatever reason, as no one would accept the monster he had now become. And yet, hearing Elithas kind words did something to him. To the point he slowly started to regret the choices he made. When the cocoon was done, he placed Elitha on a bed made of stone.* Nidhiki: Ready *Ghirahim walked up, took out a beaker of a sick green substance, and poured it onto the cocoon.* Nidhiki: What is that? Ghirahim: Essence of my master Antidermis. Krekka: Duh, whats Antidermis? Ghirahim: Excellent. Now, my Bokoblins, you know what to do! *There were Bokoblins in the room also cosplaying as Great Beings, lining up the room.* Bokoblins, chanting: Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga-Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga-Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga-Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga-Ooga-ChakaGhirahim: I can't stop this feeling deep inside of me. Girl, you just don't realize what you do to me *As Ghirahim chanted, the cocoon started to glow a dark green, until finally it broke open. Everyone looked in awe. No longer was there a shy, timid Av-Matoran girl there, but now a dark Toa of Shadow clad in red, black, and gunmetal gray. The brush taped to her arm was now a shield strapped to her arm. The mask Ghirahim put on her was the most striking feature of the whole look. Nidhiki was the most curious about how much Elitha had changed.* Ghirahim: Excellent! My heart is just a-flutter now! Nidhiki: You seriously talk weird. Ghirahim: This is just fabulous! I should go over and see how well it turned out. Nidhiki: I wouldnt approach her if I were you. Ghirahim: Nonsense. It wont harm me. *As Ghirahim took a step, Elitha moved her left leg up at an angle. Ghirahim stopped, and took another step, but as he did, Elitha made her left leg straight and moved her right leg at an angle. She did this as Ghirahim kept getting closer.* Ghirahim: What is this? Nidhiki: Well, Youre going to find out. Elitha: Its critical, cause your bodys gonna rock just like a chemical. Makes you bouncin around the block just like an outlaw. Were gonna take it to the top, twelve oclock. Thats it, guess whos on the night shift. *Elitha finally sits up and takes a moment to observe her surroundings. She still had all her thoughts and memories as a Matoran, but now she was so much more.* Elitha: Cause tonight Im working overtime. Are you ready to cross the line? Ill treat you until the break of dawn. Youre not alone. *At that moment, Elitha springs into action, taking down the Bokoblins with her new electrified whips from her arms. She then took the scissor scythe from Ghirahim before disappearing into the shadows.* Ghirahim: Stop her! Krekka: Duh, whered she go? Nidhiki: I was wondering the same thing. *The chamber echoed with Elithas evil laughter.* Elithas voice: Who ya gonna call? Ghirahim: Stop standing there and get her! *Elitha then reappears suddenly, kicking over Krekka and making her way towards Nidhiki.* Nidhiki: The Night Nurse Elitha: Dont wanna be your lover, oh no. But I could be your remedy, oh, oh. I dont wanna be your lover, oh no, but I could be your remedy, your cure *Elitha playfully taps Nidhiki on the nose and she stops her song.* Elitha: Surprised to see me, Professor Nidhiki? Nidhiki: I should say Ghirahim: How did you stop her?? Nidhiki: She isnt just some science experiment, you know. Youve created a whole new being from her. Treat her like one. Ghirahim: Fine But neither of you will ever be as fabulous as me! Nidhiki: Fine by me. Elitha: I wouldnt want to be, anyway. *Both of them laugh as Ghirahim angrily walks out of the room. And Krekka is still unconscious.* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So that chapter is basically the origin of Elitha and how she went from being a shy, timid, bookish librarian type of character into the insane and power-hungry villain she is now. It's been hinted at before in the series she wasn't always what she is. It's also been hinted she's considered the "daughter" of Teridax. All right, now for a series I've sort of neglected in the past. Here is a preview of a chapter you may not see for a long time, but it's funny anyway, so why not? TMM: Lewa's Mask Chronicles Lewa: So tell me, Navi, what in Mata Nuis chimpanzee face do I do with this mask from Kafei? Tatl: Well, my name is Tatl, and Im honestly not sure. I know that Keaton is very popular around these parts. Lewa: Yeah, but what does this mask do? Aside from make me look like a Pikachu coplayer? Tatl: I dont know. Try spinning around with your sword out really fast. Lewa: Okay, but I dont know what this will accomplish. Tatl: I do, and I hope it gets me away from you. Lewa: What was that? Tatl: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. *Lewa takes out his sword and does a spin attack near a cluster of grass, cutting it all down in the process. Not long after the grass gets cut, a mystical creature appears.* Lewa: Its Ninetails! Tatl: Darn, I was hoping itd work. Keaton: No, you fool. I am Keaton. We Keatons can recognize each other by the sheen of our tails. But you smell like a fool, therefore you are not one of us. You are an imposter. Lewa: So youre a talking fox? Keaton: Pretty much. Well, since youre here, why dont we have a chat? Lewa: What do we quick-chat about? Keaton: Hey diddle diddle, how about a riddle? Lewa: Uh why not? Keaton: Answer me this. What is the name of the vintage milk sold at the milk bar? Lewa: The Chateau Romani. Keaton: Correct. Answer me this. What is the name of Clock Towns inn? Lewa: Stock Pot Inn. Keaton: Correct. Lewa: By the way, its Clook Town. Keaton: Shut up. Now, answer me this. What does the owner of the bomb shop call his mother? Lewa: Ugh this is a tough one what was that? He calls her Mommy. Keaton: Correct. Answer me this. What is the name bestowed upon you by the ranch girl, Vhisola? Lewa: The first one or the second one? Keaton: The first one, of course. But you get bonus points for naming them both in order. Lewa: Grasshopper. And then Snotball. Keaton: Correct. Answer me this. What instrument does Remote play? Lewa: He plays an instrument? Keaton: Yes. Lewa: Can I use my lifelines? Keaton: Okay. Lewa: Navi, what instrument does Remote play? Tatl: How should I know? Lewa: You were sort of with him when I found you. And you used the magic of flashbacks to tell me how you ran into him. Tatl: He never played an instrument when my brother and I were with him. He spoke about playing a flute Lewa: A flute! Keaton: Good, very good! Take this prize! *And thus Lewa got a heart piece but that is almost irrelevant since this series doesnt cover them.* Lewa: So I dont become a millionaire? Keaton: Nope. Lewa: Darn. Just like how the sword didnt make me king of anything. Keaton: Well, if you want to try? Lewa: Of course! Keaton: Okay. Answer me this. What is the name of the King of Darkness? Lewa: O_O Can I phone a friend? Keaton: Who you going to call? *somewhere at the top of the Clock Tower* Remote 2.0: The sun is too bright. I like the night time. Tael: It is kind of nice. *Thats when Taels phone starts to ring.* Remote 2.0: What sorcery is this?! Tael: Thats just my phone. Relax. *Tael answers the phone.* Tatl: Tael, Im being forced to help Lewa answer a question to win money. Tael: Hey I totally forgot I had a phone! Tatl: You know me, too. When did we get phones? Lewa: I need help here? Tatl: Okay could you ask Remote if he knows what is the name of the King of Darkness? Tael: I can try. Remote 2.0: I overheard the question. I refuse to answer not only because I dislike that hero, but I do not know it. *Thats when a much larger presence takes a hold of Remotes thoughts and actions* Elithas voice: Chancellor Teridax. Tael: Wow, Remote, what a lovely speaking voice you have all of a sudden. Elithas voice: Uh just help the hero, I, uh changed my mind. Lewa: Okay, Im going with the mysterious female voice. Keaton: That is correct! Tatl: Well, we just spoiled another part of the story for ourselves Keaton: Answer me this. Where do you get the Circus Leaders mask? Lewa: O_O uh-oh. I forget. Keaton: Well, then you lose. Good day to you, sir. Lewa: But what about-- Keaton: I said good day! *Keaton disappears, leaving Lewa very sad and Tatl slightly annoyed.* Tatl: Now can we go look for Kafei? Lewa: *sighs* Im on it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now for a project I've wanted to work on, but Skyward Stooge got in the way. So, here is the intended spoof of the Wind Waker, which is, funny enough, being re-released later this year. One of my personal favorite games, but you probably don't want to hear about that. So, here's the preview. This is all subject to change. This is merely a shortened version of what the story will be, so some details are left out. Bionicle: The Wimp Waker *Somewhere on Outset Island, there was going to be something big going down* Idris: Wake up, big brother! Lewa, getting up: Please exit my life and never return. Idris: I just drank 28 gallons of soda. Lewa: Thats really deep-interesting. Not. Why are you here? Idris: Grandma said shes got your birthday present. Lewa: You mean nothing? Like every year before? Idris: Yeah. And when I asked her, she kicked me out of the house. Lewa: Then annoy-bug the neighbors. Idris: I dont think they like me. Lewa: Youre weird. Give me the telescope. Im going to look at things while you ramble on. *As Idris rambles on with her semi-non-coherent rambling, Lewa sees a giant mutant Nivawk with something in its claws, as well as a pirate ship shooting at it. What caught Lewas attention was a Toa of water in the talons of the bird. As the bird was hit by the cannons of the ship, the girl was released and she fell to her doom.* Lewa: Well, thats not something you see every day. Look at the fat bird. Idris: You should go over there and help the girl. Lewa: Youre still here? Well, you might be right. And she does look cute. Idris: Cuter than me? Lewa: Yes. Its not that difficult, you know. Even that Toa Tuyet I read about is cuter than you. *Lewa went up the boring path to the top of the mountain where he met this newcomer who didnt actually fall to her doom. She just fell a very long ways.* Lewa: Who are you? Nera: I could ask you the same thing. Lewa: Common island dweller. Nera: Okay. So where am I? Lewa: Outset Island. And hey, Im asking the questions here! Brutaka: Miss Nera, I finally found you. Nera: Doh, Brutaka, I thought I told you to never go blurting out stuff. Brutaka: Im sorry, Miss Nera, but you know how I get when Im hungry. Nera: Ill let you off. *Another boring walk later.* Lewa: So who are you? Brutaka: Im a pirate. Nera: Brutaka! Lewa: Hes a pirate? Brutaka: Im a pirate. Nera: Stop talking! Both of you! Brutaka: Were all pirates. Nera: Oh, Brutaka, youre so slow in the head. Idris, from afar: Big brother! Lewa: Oh, its you. Hey, I found some pirates. Nera: No, Im not. Brutaka: Yes, you are. *Nera smacks Brutaka on the head and Brutaka cries out.* Brutaka: Is there anyone out there as unlucky as me? *In the irony of his words, the giant bird swoops in and takes Idris.* Idris: Bye, big brother! Lewa: Oh, no, you dont, you stupid bird! Youre not going to force me on some epic trek-quest! *Lewa runs off the edge of a cliff (SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER!!), but Nera grabs him before he falls.* Nera: By the goddesses, youre a moron *Somewhere in the heavens* Nayru: Think we should have chosen someone else to be our hero? Din: Maybe we should stop choosing them like this. Farore: Puppies make me smile! Nayru and Din: Shut up, Farore! Well, that's it for me. Some of this you will see in the near future, others you won't see for a while. Hope you enjoyed. That is, if you enjoyed at all... Because otherwise I figure I might as well retire for good and not go back to writing on here... Because I can do that if you'd all prefer that. I know my writing is awful and my characters are terrible, so that is fine. Never the less, I guess I shall see yen later. Bye. Hydraxon: A cold fall evening that started out peaceful quickly turned horrific when a well-beloved author dropped off the face of the planet without a trace. What has happened to him? Where could he be? What will become of the story of Bionicle? I'm Hydraxon, and I am not a crook. Join me, and you could help me solve a mystery...

Edited April 30, 2013 by ShadowBionics

[Phovos]

Is it my turn now? Is it? Is it? I'm jumping up and down in glee, and not because I've just finished my bowl of Matora-Flakes, the No.1 cereal for Raptors. And Rahkshi. It's because ShadowBionic's piece was awesome and because I'm excited about my turn, which is now. Well, depending on time zones. I think in some places, it's still yesterday.

 

So, what is that dumb Raptor talking about? Why is she even excited? Is Phovos really a girl? Or am I lying yet again about my gender? Why am I asking so many questions? Is this the return of Reading Over My Shoulder Is Dangerous To My Health?

 

Well, the answer to the last question is NO but the jury is still out on the others. It's time to grab my colouring pencils and write up what I've got planned. But first off, here's a snippet of a story that I haven't quite worked out the plot for...

 

Hoardikia

 

"Helloooooooo!" Pahrak-Kal's high-pitched voice echoed down the tunnel. Behind him, both Pohatu and Phovos were rolling their eyes.

 

"So much for keeping a low profile..." the newly-gender-changed Phovos grunted. He was already beginning to regret this. Before they'd even reached this tunnel, they'd gone around in a circle three times because it turned out that Pohatu was holding the map upside down, and they'd already been attacked by Lokmah, Pahrak's best friend, who was annoyed that he couldn't come with them.

 

At this point, Phovos decided to make it clear that he was Nidhiki-Phovos, the old Phovos from the Old Forum, and not the Raptor Guardian Phovos who lives within the Phoviverse and appears in the Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings. So this Phovos was a guy and was the sort of person who would enjoy a Toa burger.

 

Pahrak was about to ignore Phovos and prepared to shout again, but before he could, there was a reply.

 

"Ah gooood. You're here!"

 

Everyone blinked. Pohatu particularly so, as the voice that echoed back at them sounded exactly like him.

 

"Come on down! We're not going to bite!"

 

"I thought that was my job..." Phovos muttered.

 

"Well, we don't bite any more..."

 

After what felt like ten minutes of walking, at which point I decided it was time for a new paragraph, the tunnel opened up into a much, much larger room. And in the middle of it was a very pretty, sparkly portal. Not those rather plain orange and blue ones from that game Portal, no, a proper, swirly one. There was other stuff in the room too. Lots of mutated Kanohi masks. With lots of teeth. Lots and lots of teeth.

 

Actually, lots and lots of teeth could describe the two beings in the room.

 

"Okay, who are you?" Pohatu asked.

 

"I'm Pohatu." the brown creature with lots of teeth replied.

 

"I'm Pohatu!"

 

"I'm Pohatu too!"

 

Phovos continued to roll his eyes, but thankfully, both Pahrak and the white creature stepped in.

 

"You're both Pohatu!" Pahrak laughed.

 

"Indeed. And I am Kopaka..." the white being announced. "And we need you three. This is very important."

 

Pohatu, the non-mutated, toothless one, shuddered. "Do you need us to make you less ugly? Because, just for ease of reading, you're going to be called Ugly Pohatu."

 

Parallel Pohatu (HAHA POHATU SEE WHAT MY AUTHOR POWERS CAN DO) smiled. "That's not what we need you for. We need you guys to help us with an important task. But we need some back story first... Kopaka?"

 

Kopaka grunted. "Why don't you just explain, as you were talking?"

 

"Fine, I'll explain..." Parallel Pohatu sighed. "We're from a parallel pocket dimension where all the Toa are monsters, who have eaten every single thing we can find. They call themselves Hoardikai now. Matoran? Dead. Agori? Dead. Glatorian? They put up a fight, but they're dead. The only things that they haven't left are the mechanical beings. But they've run out of food and now they're trying to find ways out. We're lucky we found this portal before they did, but we need to stop them. And me and Kopaka can't do it alone. Obviously."

 

"So why do you need our help again?" Pohatu asked.

 

"We need your help in persuading the Bohrok, the Rahkshi, the Vakhi and the Battera to fight with us, so we can kill all those evil Hoardikai. Although I noticed that Panrahk isn't with you..."

 

Pahrak shook his head. "He didn't want to come, he's starring in a new comedy..."

 

"Ah..." Parallel Pohatu nodded. "So, are you in?"

 

Phovos tapped a finger on his jaw. "If you said what I think you said, you basically want me to kill Toa?"

 

"Yes..." Kopaka smiled somewhat as he said that.

 

"IT'S LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE!" Phovos roared as he leaped into the air...

 

...

 

While the Hoardikia won't be ready for a long time, I do have not one but TWO new comedies coming up. And one of them, I'm sorry, I lied about it.

 

First off, here's a snippet from Ranting Toa: The Toa Nuva's Ramblings.

 

Ranting Toa: The Toa Nuva's Ramblings

 

We're not doing this.

 

Yes we are.

 

We're not. I've spoken. We're not.

 

We're not doing what now?

 

Onua, Tahu's being a spoil-bad sport. He doesn't want to do that fun-comedy that makes those Bohrok-Kal seem less horrible-hateful.

 

Oh. That's a pity. I quite like that story. Yes, it is rather silly and immature, but it can be amusing.

 

Where did you get-find that cup of tea?

 

Hm? Oh, I'm a gentleman. I always have my cup of tea and my monocle.

 

...

 

Splendid! Kopaka is here too! Speak up, dear, no one can hear you!

 

He didn't say anything.

 

Oh, did he not? Another pity.

 

I wish you'd ditch that stupid gentleman outlook. It makes you so punchable.

 

And we're not doing this comedy. That's FINAL.

 

Pss, Kopaka?

 

Yes?

 

Check this out... Gali's diary... "After having been asked out ruthlessly by so many other Toa, I have decided to finally agree to go out with Lesovikk. He seems pleasant enough..."

 

Heh.

 

POHATU.

 

Yes, my darling Toa of water?

 

Have you seen my diary?

 

Hm? No, I don't think so. I thought you kept it locked in your bedroom.

 

I didn't know Gali had a diary. We should all have diaries. That's an order!

 

Can we please write-do that comedy that I wanted to do?

 

We're already doing it.

 

We are? Splendid! Cakes and tea for everyone!

 

Yay!

 

Wait... I see my diary...

 

Oh...

 

What's it doing outside in the back yard?

 

idunno.

 

Heh.

 

I'm going to go and get it.

 

Okie dokie!

 

Phew... That was close...

 

 

...

 

That was Ranting Toa: The Toa Nuva's Ramblings. The next snippet is a brief introduction to the comedy that EVERYONE (well, one person) has been waiting for: The Rahkshi's Ramblings! Yes, the new rambling comedy, which I've decided to call Lies: The Rahkshi's Ramblings.

 

Lies: The Rahkshi's Ramblings

 

Um, hello?

 

Hi, Lerahk. You arrived.

 

I have arrived too.

 

Hi, Vorahk!

 

Here too. But not in grey. Light blue. White does not work. Speak in short lines.

 

Great. Kurahk's here too.

 

What about me? And I never understood the difference between me and Gurahk. We both break things.

 

Panrahk, we all know that Guurahk a. does things with stealth and b. isn't as thick as you.

 

Aw. I'm dumb already and the comedy hasn't started.

 

Where is Gurahk?

 

On the ceiling, being sneaky.

 

Ohh.

 

What colour will he be using.

 

Navy.

 

Oh.

 

You going to talk to us or are you going to be silent?

 

...

 

Aw.

 

 

You can read more of these two comedies in their respective topics which I'll link once I make them. Maybe. Also, I suppose I ought to mention the Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings, which is now nearly 5 years old.

 

Okay, my fingers hurt.

 

Baaaii!

[MT Zehvor]

Augh.

 

I missed two in a row.

 

As Edgeworth would say: "Nnghhoooooooooohhh!"

 

Skyward Sword spoof right off the bat should be interesting. Ghirahim was so fabulous in that game that I imagine it would be difficult to make him any more comedic, but whatever. Demise could be Pac Man as well.

 

Also Farore may sue for defamation of character after this.

 

 

Is it my turn now? Is it? Is it? I'm jumping up and down in glee, and not because I've just finished my bowl of Matora-Flakes, the No.1 cereal for Raptors. And Rahkshi. It's because ShadowBionic's piece was awesome and because I'm excited about my turn, which is now. Well, depending on time zones. I think in some places, it's still yesterday.

So, what is that dumb Raptor talking about? Why is she even excited? Is Phovos really a girl? Or am I lying yet again about my gender? Why am I asking so many questions? Is this the return of Reading Over My Shoulder Is Dangerous To My Health?

On the internet...no one knows your a dinosuar. Especially not a female dinosaur.

 

So Toa Nuva Ramblings, huh? I kind of always thought they were the few sane ones in the Bionicle universe. Then again, if those old Bionicle comics are any indication, they spend all of the time that they're not fighting evil making silly boasts to each other, getting upset, and storming off.

 

Should be fun.

 

-MT

[Phovos]

Yep, indeed. And when you go and set your comedy in the near future, where everything is all hunky-dory and happy and peaceful... Well, Toa get bored...

 

I wish I got into Zelda and all that, because ShadowBionic's stuff is really funny but I'm sure I'm missing huge chunks because I've never played the games...

 

TOO... MANY... ELLIPSIS...

[MT Zehvor]

Well, as I'm sure everyone's been waiting for...

 

It's MT DAY.

 

And since I happen to be done with school for the year...

 

It's also PARTY DAY.

 

So the first thing we will do to celebrate this glorious occasion is type in randomly colored text.

 

Updates up soon.

 

-MT

[Phovos]

Yay! Randomly coloured text!

 

You can say that again!

 

Go away, Turahk.

 

Aw.

[Voltex]

Everything looks pretty cool thus far - I picked a bad week to be very busy.

[25K Now!]

And I picked a good week to come back.

 

I eagerly await to see what will be written.

[MT Zehvor]

So yaa it's MT Day.

 

Pretty cool and stuff.

 

The only thing worth announcing at this time is, of course, all the awesome details on Aftermath 3, which everyone (minus almost everyone) has been waiting for.

 

So here we go.

 

=======

 

Through many trials...

 

...a legend was forged.

 

Now, a new story is about to unfold...

 

AFTERMATH 3

A NEW CHAPTER OF TRIALS

 

Split between two universes, the fight continues two and a half milennia after it left off.

 

Planet Argnok:

A hostile planet covered in a sea of quicksand, with few islands connecting by shipping routes. These islands each contain their own village, and they barter for and fight over goods in order to survive.

 

VARDAN, Toa of Fire: A new Toa ready to make his mark. Although inexperienced, he carries something with him that more than makes up for his lack of knowledge.

 

GARU, Toa of Earth: An experienced Toa who has become Vardan's mentor. He is widely regarded as one of the most experienced fighters around. Perhaps best known for never losing his cool under pressure.

 

SHADOW, Mysterious Being: Toa like beings responsible for destroying countless ships sailing the quicksand ocean. While not intelligent, they are highly dangerous, and will attack for no given reason.

 

JL, Famed Turaga: Once a hero recognized for his acts in starting the first colony of Argnok, JL is regarded as the voice of reason and loosely leads the five colonies. His past carries a dark rumor behind it, however...

 

Planet Delarax:

A once thriving home base for the IUPD, it has long since been overrun since the Dark Lord's victory at the battle of Mandex.

 

MESONAK, Toa of Shadow: The leader of the resistance against the Dark Lord's power. In the two thousand and four hundred years he has spent here, his resistance force has grown from a few freedom fighters to the largest opponent the Dark Lord has.

 

LEVACIUS, Toa of Lightning: Mesonak's second in command and long time friend. Was freed from Xenon influence by Mesonak at the start of the resistance's efforts. Since that point, the two have become trusted allies.

 

The DARK LORD, Ruler of Xenon: The ruler of all Xenon defeated the Toa Zehvor in their efforts to stop him several millenia ago. Now, for some reason...they rise to oppose him again.

 

iBrow, Mercenary at Large: The most famous mercenary involved in the war. His gravity shifting skills and...plastic spoon...make him a deadly threat....

 

======

 

So that's that. A3 continues in the style of epicomedy-n' stuff. I'm trying to focus the humor more on the relationships between characters and less on stumbling into random comedic set pieces (as that'll be more difficult to do this time around).

 

Aftermath 3 is set to debut on May 15.

 

-MT

[25K Now!]

Ah, A3.

 

Hopefully this can be better than A2.

[MT Zehvor]

Ah, A3.

 

Hopefully this can be better than A2.

I will ignore the negative connotations there and thank you for wishing me good luck.

 

-MT

[25K Now!]

I wasn't aiming for negative connotations.

 

[Voltex]

Very excited for Aftermath 3 - and you actually kind of nailed what iBrow would now do perfectly too in terms of which side he's on (where he doesn't feel tied to any real one side).

 

I mean, he joined the Zehvor as a means to an end for his search regarding the Freelancers, and that ended (with horrible results all around), so he wouldn't immediately join the Zehvor again?

 

I'll be releasing a new chapter of The AfterWords today, and I have a giant teaser chapter for another old comedy rising from the ashes.

[MT Zehvor]

I wasn't aiming for negative connotations.

 

Ooh. Well, my apologies then. I assumed too much.

 

-MT

[Voltex]

THE AFTERWORDS: SEASON 2 - CHAPTER 2

HAIL STORM

 

And now.... hmm... I think you'll all like this preview I have.

Well

You'll either love it or you'll hate me forever. I don't really care which one.

 

How to Be a Hero

Narrative Edition

CHAPTER ONE

 

William Furno (who, for the purposes of simplicity and non-lameness, will now be referred to as “Furno”) shifted his backpack as he paused in front of the towering monolith of a building in front of him.

 

“Welcome to Hero School,” he read aloud, “where stupid people can become heroes too.”

 

“Yes!! Stupid people too! Man, I was really worried about that! Thank goodness it doesn’t matter!”

 

Furno turned to a blue figure with a large spine running down his back. The figure grabbed his hand and shook it in an official sort of fashion.

 

“By the way, my name is Vezok.” The blue figure said.

 

“And you’re stupid?” Furno asked.

 

“Oh no, I’m not the stupid one, trust me.” Vezok said, leaning in like there was some big secret. “The stupid one is Vezon. I think you’ll get to know him well enough.”

 

And just like that he walked into the school humming the theme song to some pony show, leaving a disturbed and confused Furno to stare after him, wondering if it had been such a great idea to enroll at this school after all.

 

Not that he’d had a choice in the matter, or anything – as the best looking guy in the entire city, Furno already had his face plastered onto the side of a giant blimp (against his will, he always protested), and the blimp company had “demanded” (as in, threatened to shoot him if he didn’t obey) that he enroll at Hero School and become a hero.

 

“Like that’ll ever happen,” he muttered. “This place is stupid.”

 

Regardless, he didn’t have a choice in the matter, and so Furno stepped inside. He was hit by a blast of cold air – he was about to complain about it when a white Toa pointing a sword at him five feet away muttered something about his reaction not being fast enough and walking away.

 

“Well, I’m glad this place is normal.” Furno said to himself. “Note the sarcasm, narrator.”

 

Sarcasm noted.

 

???: IF YOU ARE IN MY CLASS, LINE YOUR HEADS UP!

 

“How do we know if we’re in his class?” Furno muttered, pulling out his schedule. “Let’s see… I’ve got ‘How to Be a Hero’ class with Tahu, and… well, nothing else, apparently. So much for combat training.”

 

???: IF YOU ARE IN TAHU’S CLASS, I SAID LINE YOUR HEADS UP HERE! IF I HAVE TO PUT YOU ALL IN DETENTION DAY ONE, SOMEBODY IS LOSING THEIR EYES!

 

Furno sighed. “Clearly this class is going to be amazing… not.”

 

Tahu: YOU THERE! GUY IN THE RED! YOU THINK YOU’RE SMART, DISSING MY CLASS ALREADY?!

 

Furno glanced up – yes, Tahu was raging at him. Furno wondered if Tahu ever didn’t rage, but decided now probably wasn’t the best time for those thoughts. He decided to take the wise plan of action.

 

“Yes sir, I do!” Furno yelled back.

 

If it was possible, Tahu went even redder. The entire hallway went still and silent, allowing Furno to appreciate exactly how loud and crowded it had been seconds before.

 

Tahu: GET IN LINE, PUNK!

 

“Or what?”

 

Tahu: OR I’LL BEAT YOU TO DEATH, THAT’S WHAT!! GET IN THE CLASS ROOM!

 

“I thought you wanted me in line.” Furno said, feigning confusion as he casually strolled over, coming to a stop in front of Tahu.

 

Tahu: MY NAME IS TAHU. AND I WILL SET YOU STRAIGHT.

 

Before Furno could reply, Tahu punched him in the back and he went sprawling into the classroom. He tried to stand up, but was unable to do so, as around twenty other students and then Tahu all walked over him as they entered the classroom.

 

Tahu: ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY HOLD ONTO SOMETHING! THIS THING MOVES FAST!

 

“Wait!” an orange being cried out. “What do you mean this moves fast? How does a classroom even move?”

 

Tahu: YOU’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT, YOU PIECE OF SCUM!

 

“Oh. Well, I’m glad you’re not rude or anything.” The orange being said, rolling his eyes.

 

Furno stood to his feet – only to be flung forwards into the orange being as the classroom shot into the sky. Had Furno not being lying face down on the ground, he would have been able to see that the classroom was shooting up the side of the monolith thanks to some weird hydraulic system. However, the fact of the matter was that Furno was lying face down on the ground, and so he missed everything.

 

“Get off of me!” the orange being complained. “Come on man, it’s the first day of classes! Do you have to be a jerk already?”

 

“What?!” Furno exclaimed. “I was flung at you!”

 

“What, by thin air? Nice try.”

 

Furno would have rolled his eyes, but they felt weird enough already as the g-forces shoved them farther into the sockets than he thought possible (never minding the fact that he didn’t technically have eyeballs). He flew up into the air and slammed into the ceiling with a grunt as the classroom came to a halt, and then landed on top of the orange being (who threw him off and stomped over to a desk).

 

Tahu: YOU! RED GUY! WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

 

“Me?” Furno asked.

 

Tahu: YES YOU, YOU SMART ALECK!

 

“The name is Furno… William Furno.”

 

Tahu: IF YOU REFERENCE JAMES BOND ANYMORE, I WILL STAB YOU. WITH LEWA’S AXE.

 

Furno didn’t have a clue who this Lewa guy was, but decided that if a teacher was threatening him already he was probably doing something wrong. He turned to sit down – and immediately regretted ever going to the school. The only available desk was surrounded on all four sides by the orange being, that white Toa from earlier, a black monstrosity, and a blue being with sparks flying from him. Furno sighed, resigned, and sat down.

 

Tahu: Alright men, listen up! Today I’m going to teach you all how to be heroes! And not those dorky Hero Factory heroes, I mean REAL HEROES!!

 

“Hey, now!” Furno protested. “That isn’t nice! We’re cool!”

 

“You are not!” the black monstrosity in front of Furno spoke up. “Hero Factory is dumb, like Icarax over there.”

 

The monstrosity pointed to a different black monstrosity (Furno was beginning to wonder how many of these guys were in the school) sitting by the window. The other monstrosity didn’t respond to the first monstrosity’s insult, and a silver being (Furno really needed a list of names or something) sitting behind the other monstrosity poked him.

 

“See?” the black monstrosity laughed. “He’s so dumb, he’s speechless!”

 

As the silver being continued to poke the other monstrosity, Furno thought he heard the white Toa behind him muttering something about dumb meaning speechless, but tuned him out at what the silver being said next.

 

“Uh, Makuta…” the silver being said, “he’s not dumb. He’s dead.”

 

“…oh.” Makuta said, quite literally deflating. “My bad.”

 

Tahu: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP! YOU! BULK!

 

“Yes Mister Tahu?” the silver being asked.

 

Tahu: WHY DID HE DIE? ASSESS THE SITUATION! I CAN’T HAVE ALL OF YOU LOSERS DROPPING DEAD ON THE FIRST DAY!

 

Bulk prodded the now deceased Icarax several more times (which Furno hardly thought was an accurate medical analysis) before pronouncing death by heart attack.

 

And that, Furno thought, is why amusement parks have all those stupid warnings.

 

As Bulk and Makuta pushed Icarax out the window (was this seriously a school about becoming a hero?), Tahu spoke again.

 

Tahu: EVERYBODY SHUT UP! I DON’T WANT ANY MORE TALKING, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!

 

“Whatever, bro. You and me, we’re tight. You ain’t gonna do nothin’ to me.” Makuta replied as he took his seat again.

 

Tahu: YOU WANNA BET, PUNK?!

 

Makuta rubbed at the side of his head irritably. “My ears hurt now. Thanks a lot.”

 

“See, if you were a Hero Factory hero, you could put him on mute.” Furno said.

 

“We aren’t heroes yet.” The blue being behind him said. “The name is Surge, by the way. Uh, Mark Surge, I guess, but no James Bond here.”

 

“Whatever.” Furno said. “You all know my name, and the point is, you could put him on mute if you were like us.”

 

Furno was about to say something clever to finish off, before he noticed that the beet red Tahu was staring at him furiously.

 

“Well, I’m guessing mentioning that we should mute him was a bad idea.” Furno said to himself.

 

“You think?” the orange being on his left muttered.

 

Tahu: NEX! MINUS FIVE HERO POINTS!

 

“What?!” the orange being cried out. “I don’t even know what Hero Points are!”

 

“Yeah!” Furno agreed. “Hey bozo, why don’t you teach us what stuff is before taking it away?”

 

Tahu: THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!

 

Furno gulped as Tahu stalked towards him, raising his sword. Furno did a back flip out of his chair and landed behind Surge, whom he grabbed to use as a meat shield. Surge, thinking both quickly and slowly, grabbed the nearby training dummy and pulled it in front of him just as Tahu stabbed his sword down.

 

“Well, that was close.” Surge said, sighing with relief.

 

Tahu: SEE? THAT’S WHAT A REAL HERO DOES! SACRFICES HIMSELF FOR THE STUPID!!!

 

“I’m not stupid!” Furno protested.

 

“I don’t want to be a hero anymore.” Surge muttered.

 

Tahu: NONSENSE! EVEN MAKUTA WANTS TO BE A HERO!

 

“Yeah!” Makuta grinned, before his smile faltered. “Wait a minute, was that an insult? It was an insult, wasn’t it?”

 

“Urgh, too much moving with all this experimental electricity,” Surge groaned. “I feel sick.”

 

Tahu: NONSENSE! YOU’LL FEEL BETTER IN A MINUTE, ONCE YOUR PRIDE CATCHES UP! WHAT DOES FURNO HAVE TO SAY?

 

“Wait just a moment,” Bulk interrupted, “are you telling me this guy’s name is seriously Furno?”

 

“Uh, yeah, it is.” Furno said. “Do you have a problem with that?”

 

“As in the Furno? Like that bozo who has his face all over that blimp?”

 

Furno decided to ignore Bulk for the time being.

 

“I feel cold.” Surge commented.

 

“That would be because you’re dying.” Makuta told him. “Have fun dying!”

 

“Why do I have to die already?!” Surge complained. “Nothing even happened!”

 

Tahu: Breez, please go activate the red alert alarm. Perhaps Surge is just malfunctioning.

 

A lime green being (who, Furno noted, had the unfortunate honour of being the only female in the room) got up from her desk and pushed a button that clearly read “DO NOT PUSH EXCEPT IF TAHU IS DYING”.

 

“Hey, Surge?” Furno asked. “Could you uh, get off of my desk now?”

 

Tahu: SHOW SOME RESPECT, YOU SQUIRT! HE JUST SACRIFICED HIS LIFE FOR YOU!”

 

Furno was about to make some witty reply regarding how Tahu shouldn’t be attacking students, but was interrupted by Surge.

 

“I’m gonna die?!” the blue being cried out. “Come on!”

 

“SUCKER! HAHA!” Makuta yelled, laughing maniacally.

 

Tahu: Excuse me?

 

“Oh yeah, sorry about that,” Makuta said, not sounding sorry at all. “You’re the only one allowed to speak using Caps Lock.”

 

“Everything… going black….” Surge whispered.

 

“Surge? Surge, are you gonna be okay?!” Furno asked.

 

“…Furno?”

 

“Yes Surge?”

 

“I just… wanted you to know… I’ve always… hated you the most.”

 

“…we’ve known each other for all of ten minutes.”

 

“I know. And they were the worst ten minutes of my life.”

 

“…oh, just go and die already.”

 

Furno pushed Surge off of his desk just as three medical officers rushed into the room. One smacked Furno on the head (for what reason he couldn’t tell), while the other two picked Surge up and rushed him out of the room.

 

Tahu: FURNO!

 

“Yeah?” Furno asked.

 

Tahu: TO THE OFFICE! NOW! UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR!

 

“Fine…” Furno muttered. “It’s better than this class, at any rate.”

 

“ZING!” Makuta yelled triumphantly.

 

Tahu glared at the black titan, who shrank back into his seat.

 

“Um, I mean, uh, bad Furno! How rude! You’re dumb!” Makuta shot out rapidly, trying to appease Tahu’s rage.

 

“He is not dumb!”

 

Furno turned back as he was exiting the room – it appeared Breez had finally spoken up. He noticed Nex glaring at him before Makuta spoke again.

 

“Oh be quiet, girl friend.”

 

“I am not your friend!” Breez protested.

 

“Yeah!” Nex interrupted. “She’s my friend!”

“I hate you both.” Breez sighed, returning to her seat.

 

“Oh.” Nex sagged and flopped back into his seat. “I feel depressed.”

 

“You better.” Makuta snorted. “Hero Factory sucks.”

 

Breez rolled her eyes as Nex and Bulk both tackled Makuta, but unfortunately that was when Tahu decided to interrupt the show that was being put on for Furno.

 

Tahu: ENOUGH, OR YOU ALL GO TO THE OFFICE! FURNO, GET DOWN THERE NOW!

 

“Uh, sir, yes sir!” Furno exclaimed, saluting several times as he backed away into the monolith.

 

He took two steps in and then was sucked down some sort of tube, coming to a halt at the ground floor roughly three seconds later. Furno stumbled upon landing, before collapsing onto the floor as an unexpected wave of dizziness hit him – as such, it was a moment or two before he noticed that Surge was sitting outside of the Principal’s office, perfectly fine.

 

“Surge, is that seriously you?!” Furno exclaimed.

 

Surge glanced up at him and grinned sneakily. “You bet it is.”

 

“But… you just died.”

 

“Nah, I was only faking it.” Surge said, as if acting out your own death was something you did everyday.

 

“So… they sent you to the Principal’s office?”

 

“Actually, I was just sitting here because there isn’t really anywhere else to sit.” Surge responded. “Join me?”

 

“I guess. Tahu sent me down because I’m too awesome for him.” Furno explained, taking a seat beside the blue hero.

 

Surge nodded knowingly. “You’re pretty new here, huh?”

 

“Well… isn’t it the first day of school? Everybody should be new.”

 

“We had a Pre-Training Week one month ago. You obviously missed it, but that’s where we all know each other from.” Surge told him. “Don’t worry, though – if you’re really William Furno, then everybody already knows you.”

“The problem isn’t that they don’t know me, Surge,” Furno said, frustrated, “the problem is that I don’t know them!”

 

“Oh. Well, I guess you’ll just have to suck it up then.”

 

“Thanks. That was really helpful.” Furno said sarcastically.

 

“You’re welcome.” Surge yawned, gesturing to the front doors, which were facing a donut shop. “Donuts?”

 

Furno glanced at the Principal’s office, but only hesitated for a second before nodding.

 

“I’m in.”

 

“Then let’s go.”

 

To Be Continued.

 

Yes, that is correct - I WILL be releasing How to Be a Hero: Narrative Edition at some point in the future. This is not the entirety of Chapter 1, either - there's roughly 1000 words that I'm withholding until the final release.

 

The goal with this is to do what I felt I could not do with the original edition - which is, of course, give it a serious underlying plot. I will adapt almost every chapter from the original comedy for this (some, like the zombie arc, will not be included in THIS version), and as such, much of the humor and style will remain the same. However, as you can see here, you'll get some extra juicy bits with it.

 

With this comedy, I'm also going to be open to possibly having guest star cameos - whether as students in the school or as villains, at this point I have not planned it fully. Keep watch however, as I hope to keep you all up to date with the progress of this comedy and its eventual release, which should be before the end of this year.

[MT Zehvor]

THAT PREVIEW WAS STUPID.

 

-Furno

 

So is this more of a remake of HTBAH or just a version of it in prose?

 

-MT

[Voltex]

A bit of both, to be honest.

[fishers64]

Interesting, the How to be a Hero thing. Nothing will compare to the first chapter of the first edition, though.

[- JL -]

.....

 

Nice.....

 

 

Sad to only see 6......but still nice to know it lives.