THE AFTERWORDS: SEASON 2 - CHAPTER 2
And now.... hmm... I think you'll all like this preview I have.
You'll either love it or you'll hate me forever. I don't really care which one.
How to Be a Hero
William Furno (who, for the purposes of simplicity and non-lameness, will now be referred to as “Furno”) shifted his backpack as he paused in front of the towering monolith of a building in front of him.
“Welcome to Hero School,” he read aloud, “where stupid people can become heroes too.”
“Yes!! Stupid people too! Man, I was really worried about that! Thank goodness it doesn’t matter!”
Furno turned to a blue figure with a large spine running down his back. The figure grabbed his hand and shook it in an official sort of fashion.
“By the way, my name is Vezok.” The blue figure said.
“And you’re stupid?” Furno asked.
“Oh no, I’m not the stupid one, trust me.” Vezok said, leaning in like there was some big secret. “The stupid one is Vezon. I think you’ll get to know him well enough.”
And just like that he walked into the school humming the theme song to some pony show, leaving a disturbed and confused Furno to stare after him, wondering if it had been such a great idea to enroll at this school after all.
Not that he’d had a choice in the matter, or anything – as the best looking guy in the entire city, Furno already had his face plastered onto the side of a giant blimp (against his will, he always protested), and the blimp company had “demanded” (as in, threatened to shoot him if he didn’t obey) that he enroll at Hero School and become a hero.
“Like that’ll ever happen,” he muttered. “This place is stupid.”
Regardless, he didn’t have a choice in the matter, and so Furno stepped inside. He was hit by a blast of cold air – he was about to complain about it when a white Toa pointing a sword at him five feet away muttered something about his reaction not being fast enough and walking away.
“Well, I’m glad this place is normal.” Furno said to himself. “Note the sarcasm, narrator.”
???: IF YOU ARE IN MY CLASS, LINE YOUR HEADS UP!
“How do we know if we’re in his class?” Furno muttered, pulling out his schedule. “Let’s see… I’ve got ‘How to Be a Hero’ class with Tahu, and… well, nothing else, apparently. So much for combat training.”
???: IF YOU ARE IN TAHU’S CLASS, I SAID LINE YOUR HEADS UP HERE! IF I HAVE TO PUT YOU ALL IN DETENTION DAY ONE, SOMEBODY IS LOSING THEIR EYES!
Furno sighed. “Clearly this class is going to be amazing… not.”
Tahu: YOU THERE! GUY IN THE RED! YOU THINK YOU’RE SMART, DISSING MY CLASS ALREADY?!
Furno glanced up – yes, Tahu was raging at him. Furno wondered if Tahu ever didn’t rage, but decided now probably wasn’t the best time for those thoughts. He decided to take the wise plan of action.
“Yes sir, I do!” Furno yelled back.
If it was possible, Tahu went even redder. The entire hallway went still and silent, allowing Furno to appreciate exactly how loud and crowded it had been seconds before.
Tahu: GET IN LINE, PUNK!
Tahu: OR I’LL BEAT YOU TO DEATH, THAT’S WHAT!! GET IN THE CLASS ROOM!
“I thought you wanted me in line.” Furno said, feigning confusion as he casually strolled over, coming to a stop in front of Tahu.
Tahu: MY NAME IS TAHU. AND I WILL SET YOU STRAIGHT.
Before Furno could reply, Tahu punched him in the back and he went sprawling into the classroom. He tried to stand up, but was unable to do so, as around twenty other students and then Tahu all walked over him as they entered the classroom.
Tahu: ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY HOLD ONTO SOMETHING! THIS THING MOVES FAST!
“Wait!” an orange being cried out. “What do you mean this moves fast? How does a classroom even move?”
Tahu: YOU’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT, YOU PIECE OF SCUM!
“Oh. Well, I’m glad you’re not rude or anything.” The orange being said, rolling his eyes.
Furno stood to his feet – only to be flung forwards into the orange being as the classroom shot into the sky. Had Furno not being lying face down on the ground, he would have been able to see that the classroom was shooting up the side of the monolith thanks to some weird hydraulic system. However, the fact of the matter was that Furno was lying face down on the ground, and so he missed everything.
“Get off of me!” the orange being complained. “Come on man, it’s the first day of classes! Do you have to be a ###### already?”
“What?!” Furno exclaimed. “I was flung at you!”
“What, by thin air? Nice try.”
Furno would have rolled his eyes, but they felt weird enough already as the g-forces shoved them farther into the sockets than he thought possible (never minding the fact that he didn’t technically have eyeballs). He flew up into the air and slammed into the ceiling with a grunt as the classroom came to a halt, and then landed on top of the orange being (who threw him off and stomped over to a desk).
Tahu: YOU! RED GUY! WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
“Me?” Furno asked.
Tahu: YES YOU, YOU SMART ALECK!
“The name is Furno… William Furno.”
Tahu: IF YOU REFERENCE JAMES BOND ANYMORE, I WILL STAB YOU. WITH LEWA’S AXE.
Furno didn’t have a clue who this Lewa guy was, but decided that if a teacher was threatening him already he was probably doing something wrong. He turned to sit down – and immediately regretted ever going to the school. The only available desk was surrounded on all four sides by the orange being, that white Toa from earlier, a black monstrosity, and a blue being with sparks flying from him. Furno sighed, resigned, and sat down.
Tahu: Alright men, listen up! Today I’m going to teach you all how to be heroes! And not those dorky Hero Factory heroes, I mean REAL HEROES!!
“Hey, now!” Furno protested. “That isn’t nice! We’re cool!”
“You are not!” the black monstrosity in front of Furno spoke up. “Hero Factory is dumb, like Icarax over there.”
The monstrosity pointed to a different black monstrosity (Furno was beginning to wonder how many of these guys were in the school) sitting by the window. The other monstrosity didn’t respond to the first monstrosity’s insult, and a silver being (Furno really needed a list of names or something) sitting behind the other monstrosity poked him.
“See?” the black monstrosity laughed. “He’s so dumb, he’s speechless!”
As the silver being continued to poke the other monstrosity, Furno thought he heard the white Toa behind him muttering something about dumb meaning speechless, but tuned him out at what the silver being said next.
“Uh, Makuta…” the silver being said, “he’s not dumb. He’s dead.”
“…oh.” Makuta said, quite literally deflating. “My bad.”
Tahu: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP! YOU! BULK!
“Yes Mister Tahu?” the silver being asked.
Tahu: WHY DID HE DIE? ASSESS THE SITUATION! I CAN’T HAVE ALL OF YOU LOSERS DROPPING DEAD ON THE FIRST DAY!
Bulk prodded the now deceased Icarax several more times (which Furno hardly thought was an accurate medical analysis) before pronouncing death by heart attack.
And that, Furno thought, is why amusement parks have all those stupid warnings.
As Bulk and Makuta pushed Icarax out the window (was this seriously a school about becoming a hero?), Tahu spoke again.
Tahu: EVERYBODY SHUT UP! I DON’T WANT ANY MORE TALKING, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!
“Whatever, bro. You and me, we’re tight. You ain’t gonna do nothin’ to me.” Makuta replied as he took his seat again.
Tahu: YOU WANNA BET, PUNK?!
Makuta rubbed at the side of his head irritably. “My ears hurt now. Thanks a lot.”
“See, if you were a Hero Factory hero, you could put him on mute.” Furno said.
“We aren’t heroes yet.” The blue being behind him said. “The name is Surge, by the way. Uh, Mark Surge, I guess, but no James Bond here.”
“Whatever.” Furno said. “You all know my name, and the point is, you could put him on mute if you were like us.”
Furno was about to say something clever to finish off, before he noticed that the beet red Tahu was staring at him furiously.
“Well, I’m guessing mentioning that we should mute him was a bad idea.” Furno said to himself.
“You think?” the orange being on his left muttered.
Tahu: NEX! MINUS FIVE HERO POINTS!
“What?!” the orange being cried out. “I don’t even know what Hero Points are!”
“Yeah!” Furno agreed. “Hey bozo, why don’t you teach us what stuff is before taking it away?”
Tahu: THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!
Furno gulped as Tahu stalked towards him, raising his sword. Furno did a back flip out of his chair and landed behind Surge, whom he grabbed to use as a meat shield. Surge, thinking both quickly and slowly, grabbed the nearby training dummy and pulled it in front of him just as Tahu stabbed his sword down.
“Well, that was close.” Surge said, sighing with relief.
Tahu: SEE? THAT’S WHAT A REAL HERO DOES! SACRFICES HIMSELF FOR THE STUPID!!!
“I’m not stupid!” Furno protested.
“I don’t want to be a hero anymore.” Surge muttered.
Tahu: NONSENSE! EVEN MAKUTA WANTS TO BE A HERO!
“Yeah!” Makuta grinned, before his smile faltered. “Wait a minute, was that an insult? It was an insult, wasn’t it?”
“Urgh, too much moving with all this experimental electricity,” Surge groaned. “I feel sick.”
Tahu: NONSENSE! YOU’LL FEEL BETTER IN A MINUTE, ONCE YOUR PRIDE CATCHES UP! WHAT DOES FURNO HAVE TO SAY?
“Wait just a moment,” Bulk interrupted, “are you telling me this guy’s name is seriously Furno?”
“Uh, yeah, it is.” Furno said. “Do you have a problem with that?”
“As in the Furno? Like that bozo who has his face all over that blimp?”
Furno decided to ignore Bulk for the time being.
“I feel cold.” Surge commented.
“That would be because you’re dying.” Makuta told him. “Have fun dying!”
“Why do I have to die already?!” Surge complained. “Nothing even happened!”
Tahu: Breez, please go activate the red alert alarm. Perhaps Surge is just malfunctioning.
A lime green being (who, Furno noted, had the unfortunate honour of being the only female in the room) got up from her desk and pushed a button that clearly read “DO NOT PUSH EXCEPT IF TAHU IS DYING”.
“Hey, Surge?” Furno asked. “Could you uh, get off of my desk now?”
Tahu: SHOW SOME RESPECT, YOU SQUIRT! HE JUST SACRIFICED HIS LIFE FOR YOU!”
Furno was about to make some witty reply regarding how Tahu shouldn’t be attacking students, but was interrupted by Surge.
“I’m gonna die?!” the blue being cried out. “Come on!”
“SUCKER! HAHA!” Makuta yelled, laughing maniacally.
Tahu: Excuse me?
“Oh yeah, sorry about that,” Makuta said, not sounding sorry at all. “You’re the only one allowed to speak using Caps Lock.”
“Everything… going black….” Surge whispered.
“Surge? Surge, are you gonna be okay?!” Furno asked.
“I just… wanted you to know… I’ve always… hated you the most.”
“…we’ve known each other for all of ten minutes.”
“I know. And they were the worst ten minutes of my life.”
“…oh, just go and die already.”
Furno pushed Surge off of his desk just as three medical officers rushed into the room. One smacked Furno on the head (for what reason he couldn’t tell), while the other two picked Surge up and rushed him out of the room.
“Yeah?” Furno asked.
Tahu: TO THE OFFICE! NOW! UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR!
“Fine…” Furno muttered. “It’s better than this class, at any rate.”
“ZING!” Makuta yelled triumphantly.
Tahu glared at the black titan, who shrank back into his seat.
“Um, I mean, uh, bad Furno! How rude! You’re dumb!” Makuta shot out rapidly, trying to appease Tahu’s rage.
“He is not dumb!”
Furno turned back as he was exiting the room – it appeared Breez had finally spoken up. He noticed Nex glaring at him before Makuta spoke again.
“Oh be quiet, girl friend.”
“I am not your friend!” Breez protested.
“Yeah!” Nex interrupted. “She’s my friend!”
“I hate you both.” Breez sighed, returning to her seat.
“Oh.” Nex sagged and flopped back into his seat. “I feel depressed.”
“You better.” Makuta snorted. “Hero Factory sucks.”
Breez rolled her eyes as Nex and Bulk both tackled Makuta, but unfortunately that was when Tahu decided to interrupt the show that was being put on for Furno.
Tahu: ENOUGH, OR YOU ALL GO TO THE OFFICE! FURNO, GET DOWN THERE NOW!
“Uh, sir, yes sir!” Furno exclaimed, saluting several times as he backed away into the monolith.
He took two steps in and then was sucked down some sort of tube, coming to a halt at the ground floor roughly three seconds later. Furno stumbled upon landing, before collapsing onto the floor as an unexpected wave of dizziness hit him – as such, it was a moment or two before he noticed that Surge was sitting outside of the Principal’s office, perfectly fine.
“Surge, is that seriously you?!” Furno exclaimed.
Surge glanced up at him and grinned sneakily. “You bet it is.”
“But… you just died.”
“Nah, I was only faking it.” Surge said, as if acting out your own death was something you did everyday.
“So… they sent you to the Principal’s office?”
“Actually, I was just sitting here because there isn’t really anywhere else to sit.” Surge responded. “Join me?”
“I guess. Tahu sent me down because I’m too awesome for him.” Furno explained, taking a seat beside the blue hero.
Surge nodded knowingly. “You’re pretty new here, huh?”
“Well… isn’t it the first day of school? Everybody should be new.”
“We had a Pre-Training Week one month ago. You obviously missed it, but that’s where we all know each other from.” Surge told him. “Don’t worry, though – if you’re really William Furno, then everybody already knows you.”
“The problem isn’t that they don’t know me, Surge,” Furno said, frustrated, “the problem is that I don’t know them!”
“Oh. Well, I guess you’ll just have to suck it up then.”
“Thanks. That was really helpful.” Furno said sarcastically.
“You’re welcome.” Surge yawned, gesturing to the front doors, which were facing a donut shop. “Donuts?”
Furno glanced at the Principal’s office, but only hesitated for a second before nodding.
“Then let’s go.”
To Be Continued.
[color=rgb(0,128,128);]Yes, that is correct - I WILL be releasing How to Be a Hero: Narrative Edition at some point in the future. This is not the entirety of Chapter 1, either - there's roughly 1000 words that I'm withholding until the final release.[/color]
[color=rgb(0,128,128);]The goal with this is to do what I felt I could not do with the original edition - which is, of course, give it a serious underlying plot. I will adapt almost every chapter from the original comedy for this (some, like the zombie arc, will not be included in THIS version), and as such, much of the humor and style will remain the same. However, as you can see here, you'll get some extra juicy bits with it. [/color]
[color=rgb(0,128,128);]With this comedy, I'm also going to be open to possibly having guest star cameos - whether as students in the school or as villains, at this point I have not planned it fully. Keep watch however, as I hope to keep you all up to date with the progress of this comedy and its eventual release, which should be before the end of this year.[/color]