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The BZPower Chronicles

bzpower chronicles comedy satire white five

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#1 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted May 22 2013 - 08:51 AM

This is a comedy I have been working on for a few days. It is a satire starring a new member on BZPower.

 

I'm pretty sure this is OK as BZPower itself is LEGO-related, but if not, PM me and move it. 

It is in a fairly rough draft phase right now. You will mostly see this in tense-related problems. I don't usually have problems with that kind of thing, but I did this time.

 

Here is the first "chapter" of it:

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Day 1:

After finding a BZPower result in google, he goes to home page and reads.

"New LEGO Star Wars Set!

By Andrew, reported to by Takauju, who will NOT get any proto-points. Even though he reported news.

Check out the LEGO Shop@Home site to see a new LEGO Star Wars set. It's only $250.00 USD, so you can buy it for sure!"

 

New member decides that it would be worth his while to make an account. He likes LEGO and Bionicle, though he hasn't done much with his 60 sets in a while.

 

He clicks on the "Enter BZPower Forums" button, but is greeted with a message saying the forums are offline.

 

"Darn it."

 

He closes the page.

 

 

Here is the next chapter:

 

 

Day 2:

He goes to the site again, but is still pushed away by the "offline" message.

And the third, the absolute shortest chapter ever:

 

 

Day 3:

Same.

Here is the fourth chapter, where things really get going:

 

 

Day 124:

He has tried every day to enter the BZPower forums with decreasing excitement, but each time fails. This day, however, he successfully enters the site. Perhaps it has been good, as he has had time to play, take apart, build, and again play with all his Bionicle sets, as well as re-read the books three times each. He feels prepared. But perhaps it wasn't good either.

 

"Geez, why did it take so long?" He wonders.

 

He notices that all the links are somewhat grey, that he can't search, nor can he read member's pages.

 

"There go all my hopes of just reading on here without having an account." He clicks the green button that says "New Account".

Now he needs a username.

He really likes Takua as a character, so he tries it.

Username already taken.

He tries Tahu, Pohatu, Onewa, Vezon, and all the Rahkshi names with the same result.

"I bet all the people that have those usernames are really famous." He says to himself.

He decides upon the username *!*8TaKuA8*!*. He doesn't realize until too late that that sounds like a computer-generated spambot username.

He enters his email address, real name, and all his other details. He then tries to log on, but it won't let him.

He checks his email for the confirmation email, but sees nothing.

He goes back to the site and clicks "resend confirmation email". He goes back and checks his email again, but nothing is there.

 

Wait.

 

He may have an idea.

He goes to the spam folder on his email and finds both emails there. He selects them both, clicks Not Spam, and confirms his account.

Now he can log in!

He does so and chooses the "rules" as his first thread to read. He opens it, starts reading one, then gets bored at Rule 2 and goes back to the main forum page. He scrolls down to the bottom.

128 Members currently online!

His name is the first one in the list. 

"I must be really important or something, for me to be at the top of the list."

*!*8TaKuA8*!*, who we will simply call Takua8 from now on, has a vanity problem.

He believes that he IS in fact the most important person on the forums, in the world.

He goes to a thread entitled "Physics in Bionicle". It was started by a member named iiBones. Strange name. It takes him 15 minutes to read the first post and only understands a few sentences. 

He reads a few of the following posts and decides to post something.

"umm yeah i think that the fisics in bionicle were really wierd liek the time that mata nui fell over while walking!!!11!!!1!!"

He clicks Post, the page reloads, but he doesn't see his post. His memory shoots back to when he saw something about "An Admin must approve your first 5 posts."

 

Oh well.

 

He closes the page.

And now the fifth. (Just to let you all know, I'm not picking on the different members that I parody; I am merely putting them in for the comedy aspect. For example White Five (Black Six) only ever posts "Question answered, Thread Closed." because that is pretty much I ever see his real-life person post.):

 

 

Day 125:

He logs onto BZPower and goes to the thread he had posted in yesterday.

It has his post, but then under it a small message saying:

Make sure you have good spelling and grammar on the forums. ~White Five

P.S. Question answered, Thread Closed.

 

Wow. White Five himself! True, he got reprimanded, but who cares! White Five was the one that did the reprimanding!

He posts a few more times in different threads. He tries to use better spelling and grammar. 

"A reprimand from White Five should not be questioned!" Takua8 says to himself.

A few "liek"s fall through the cracks, though. He has now posted four times, and wanted to make his final post that had to be approved. 

He goes to a section called Completely Off Topic. Sounds like Takua8's kinda thing. 

"Describe the Username of the Member Before You" he clicked on that, read the short description of what to do, then went to the most recent post.

It was done by a guy (or possibly girl) named Kpkmstr. Weird name.

So he decides to post just that: "Weird name." After posting it, he realized that that's what most people say.

"Gotta blend in!"

It gets approved and he signs out.

Here is the sixth chapter (I just realized that all my double posting has been put into one big post. Weird.):

 

 

Day 127:

Takua8 signs into the site again and notices a small red "1" on top of a picture looking like a envelope at the top of the page. He clicks it and it said Messenger.  The message he had gotten was entitled "Grammar" and was from RataPui.

He opened it and read:

"I think your grammar is great.

NO IT'S NOT!

Yeah, I think so.

Well, you're weird.

No, I'm not.

Are too.

Am not.

[This went on for a while.]

Well, I think that your grammar and spelling could use a lot of work. But don't ask me, as I don't like english.

Well I do!

Yeah, he does. I guess you could ask him.

Anyway-

-RataPui"

 

Takua8 felt very confused after reading this message. Was RataPui schizophrenic? No, that couldn't be it.

He clicked on RataPui's name and read his about me page.

It was two people. That's…strange. Why they didn't just get separate accounts was beyond him.

At least he wasn't schizophrenic. 

Takua8 went back to his page and clicked the "Profile Stream" tab. 

He is instantly overwhelmed with what seemed like everyone on BZPower greeting him.

Except they all said the same thing.

 

)Takua(       -->     *!*8TaKuA8*!*    Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help!

iiBones        -->    *!*8TaKuA8*!*   Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help!

Kpkmstr      -->      *!*8TaKuA8*!*  Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help!

charge_alpha -->  *!*8TaKuA8*!*  Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help!

McSmeagle4  -->  *!*8TaKuA8*!*  Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help!

Takauju          -->     *!*8TaKuA8*!*  Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help!  (PLEASE LET ME GET SOME PROTO POINTS!!!!!)

White Five        -->  *!*8TaKuA8*!* Question answered, Thread Closed.

 

Well, maybe it wasn't EVERYONE on BZPower. But it was 6 people.

But he didn't understand what White Five was saying.

And what were proto points? 

 

He logged off and went back to what he should've been doing, school.

Behold, Chapter 7:

 

 

Day 128:

After logging on, Takua8 went to the Completely Off Topic place again. He found a thread entitled "Doctor Who Series 10 Preview!" He really liked Doctor Who, so he clicked on it. There should've been a link there with a small description below. But instead of the link there was written "Question answered, Thread Closed. ~White Five. The original poster had been "Mr. Laughs is NOT of this World". Weird name. Takua8 wondered if he played Describe the Username of the Member Before You.

He read a few posts, then came to one by an Admin by the username of ~Landrider~. It said:

That link leads to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a forum that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a forum that has a link to another forum that has a link to a site that MAY have a pop-up advert on it.

Below that was a post by White Five saying:

Question answered, Thread Closed.

BUMMER. He really wanted to get a preview of the next series of Doctor Who.

 

He posted a few more times in Lego Discussion before signing out.


Edited by Kopekemaster, May 22 2013 - 01:42 PM.

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#2 Offline Madu Cabolo

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Posted May 22 2013 - 08:58 AM

Nice. XD Good one, kopeke.


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ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL

ONE RING TO FIND THEM

ONE RING TO BRING THE ALL

AND IN THE DARKNESS

BIND

THEM


LOTR


AN EPIC STORY OF POWERFUL TOA HEROES...


EVIL VILLAINS WHO LIVE TO DESTROY...


LOCKED IN COMBAT, WITH THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE AT STAKE...


BIONICLE


#3 Offline Aiwendil

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Posted May 22 2013 - 05:56 PM

haha, I hope you didn't chronicle what you did when you joined =P but you definitely captured a new member's actions preeetty well.


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probably.

also, if you can see this text, you get a brownie C:


#4 Offline Toa K

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Posted May 22 2013 - 06:08 PM

White Five FTW. Seriously this is hilarious.


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#5 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Jun 10 2013 - 12:38 AM

Good start you've got going here. Might we get another chapter sometimes perhaps?

 

-MT


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#6 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jun 25 2013 - 08:42 PM

Possibly. I started on another chapter when I wrote these, and I might work on it a bit more.
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#7 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jun 26 2013 - 08:22 AM

All right, I've got another chapter for you all.

 

Chapter 8

 

 

Day 130:

On the BZPower.com home page, he saw another bit of news that Takauju reported. But it appeared that Takauju changed his name to TakaujuGIVEMEPROTO. Weird.

After logging in again, Takua8 remembered the fact that his username was NOT just "Takua". He wanted to see how famous all the people that had the real Bionicle names were.

He went to the Members section and hunted them down, one by one. All except one of them (Tahu) were still listed in the New Members category and Takua only had 3 posts.

 

THREE POSTS!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

Takua8 was dismayed by that fact. Why didn't those accounts just get trashed so that other people could use the epic usernames?

 

Oh well.

 

Three posts. Takua8 just couldn't get over that fact. And Tahu only had 34 posts! What is this madness?

 

Trying desperately to recover from his agony about usernames, Takua8 decided to take a detour in a forum he hadn't been to before; News Discussion. Sure, of course he had seen the news on the homepage, but he never really bothered spending much time reading it. Then again, some of TakaujuGIVEMEPROTO's news tibits looked good sometimes...

Upon opening that sub-forum, he noticed a thread entitled Brickfare 2013. He opened it to find a post by the infamous (even though Takua8 didn't know who he was) Patori Kapohu. It read:

 

Are you all psyched about the next Brickfare? I certainly am! There should be all sorts of LEGO-esque food there, ranging from those tasty block candies to super-tough Bionicle gummies (yes, there will only be sweet food there).

This year it is taking place in Logelnad, BP. Hope to see you all there!

Question answered, Thread Closed.

 

Wait, Takua8 thought, isn't that White Five's line? "Question answered, Thread Closed."? Y'know, I bet White Five broke the rules and has two accounts.

He posted "I'm certainly going to be there!" before going back to the home page of the forums.

He glanced around LEGO Discussion before signing off yet again.


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#8 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Jun 28 2013 - 04:34 PM

That was a really good chappy. The rants about the accounts that have usernames was one that I can connect to. The not so subtle nods at the mods are well done, too.

 

KUTGW.

 

-MT


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#9 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jun 28 2013 - 04:53 PM

Thanks. Thanks also for putting a link to it in your sig.

 

I hope to be getting another chapter or two out sometime, but I am very very very busy with another story.


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#10 Offline fishers64

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Posted Jul 16 2013 - 12:47 PM

This is hilarious. I especially enjoyed the antics of TakanujuGIVEMEPROTO. 

 

Also the Brickfair thing looks like it could be a good take off. 


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#11 Offline Onarax

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Posted Jul 17 2013 - 08:01 AM

There are some grammar and spelling mistakes in this comedy, although they should be easily rectified.

 

I suggest that you organise the paragraphs better, because it's somewhat difficult to read right now.


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#12 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jul 19 2013 - 03:03 PM

There are some grammar and spelling mistakes in this comedy, although they should be easily rectified.

 

I suggest that you organise the paragraphs better, because it's somewhat difficult to read right now.

 

For the first, I know, I mostly just threw all these together.

For the second, I'm not entirely sure how to because...well...this comedy (as you've probably noticed) is a bit different from others, so...yeah.


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#13 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Dec 27 2013 - 08:55 PM

I know. You all have been sitting at this page 24/7, refreshing every few seconds.

Sweat pouring down your brow, you suddenly realize the terrible truth. The BZPower Chronicles may never be updated.

 

Ever.

 

But I am here. I have broken the rules of gravity, physics, reality, and quite possibly a few of the strange rules in my town, just to continue the story. I have powered through the trials to come to you, presenting you with another chapter while on bended knee.

 

And here it is.

 

Day 146

Takua8 logged onto the forums after a sixteen-day hiatus.

Better change my status to say something about that, he thought to himself.

He clicked *!*8TaKuA8*!* up in the corner, then posted "I'm back! Sorry if you missed me," in his feed.

There, he thought. Now to check up on some new forums.

He had never gone into the Library section, so he decided to check out the Comedies.

He read "Tails of the Toa", which was a parody of "Tales of the Toa". In it, the creator, Soul, mimicked and mocked every slip up or plot hole in the story, while keeping it surprisingly lighthearted.

Takua8 read all three chapters that had been posted so far, then scrolled back up to the top. He noticed a small button above the first post that read "Subscribe to Thread". He clicked it, surprised that he hadn't noticed it before.

He opted to receive notifications immediately, because, I mean, who wouldn't?

He went back into the Comedies sub-topic and read A Day in the Life of Lewa, Gali's Private Diary, and Tahu's Rant Thread. All amused him completely.

 

Then he had a stunning idea.

 

Why not make a comedy of his own?

 

Yes, yes, that would be a great idea. Amazing, in fact. But what should it be about? he wondered.

Then an amazing idea dawned upon him. A satire about BZPower itself! What could be better?

He clicked Create New Thread and wrote, for the name, BZPower Chronicles. Yes, he thought, that would be a good name for it.

But seeing that he just thought up the idea now, he didn't have anything to post.

 

"I will be creating a comedy on here called BZpower chronicles and its going to be a satire. I will post the first part tomorrow."

 

Tomorrow seemed soon, but he thought that he could do it.

He logged out and began writing.


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#14 Offline Norik Of Celtania

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Posted Dec 27 2013 - 10:57 PM

This is well done. I can certainly relate to Takua8's antics. Partially.

And the latest chapter. A comedy about a comedy. Can't wait to see what's in store for us! :)

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#15 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Dec 28 2013 - 08:29 AM

Mwahaha it's probably not what you're expecting.

It's probably even crazier than you thought possible. ;D

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#16 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Dec 30 2013 - 01:49 PM

Day 147
Takua8 went onto the homepage of BZPower and noticed another post of news that was reported by TakaujuGIVEMEPROTO. The editor's note said "Question Answered, Thread Closed."
Takua8 looked at who posted the news and saw that it was Andrew.
I guess White Five's real name is Andrew, Takua8 thought.
Then a sudden lust for proto points came upon him.
In a desperate attempt to gain  some, Takua8 opened up two tabs, googling "lego news" and "bionicle news". He found a few potential, if not weak, things that might count as news, and sent them to news@bzpower.com.
All I can do now is wait, he thought.
Then suddenly he remembered the reason he had come onto BZPower in the first place. To post the first chapter of his comedy!
He navigated to where he had created his thread, then scrolled down to post the first chapter of the comedy. But he noticed on the way that his previous post announcing the oncoming comedy had been edited by -LandRider-. At the bottom of his post, it now read:
"Please do not post incomplete information, in accordance with the Rules and Guidelines here."
He created a new post and posted the first chapter of the comedy in it.
The comedy was a satire of BZPower, as he had stated before. Wanting to be witty, he changed the names of several users on the site, changing White Five to Black Six, -LandRider- to -Windrider-, Kpkmstr to Kopekemaster, RataPui to Gatanui, iiBones to Bonesiii, McSmeagle4 to McSmeag, Kapori Tapohu to Hapori Tohu, Soul to Spirit, and charge_alpha to charge_beta. He wanted to come up with counterparts to TakaujuGIVEMEPROTO, )Takua(, and himself, but couldn't come up with any specific names.
The story started out simply, though, with the new user coming to the site to find it unfortunately offline.
He explored around the forums for a little while before coming back to his comedy thread to see if he had gotten any posts. There were posts by someone with an emoticon for their username, Holly Muster, and her loyal reparte, Jagus. The comments were all applauding, or so Takua8 interpreted them, at least.
But then he noticed that he had a small number 1 over his PM notification area, meaning that he had a new PM.
He opened it. It was from a user named Wart Wart Wart, and it only read, "Careful, *!*8TaKuA8*!*. You may not know the path you tread."
It was followed by a strange assortment of the multivarous emoticons sported by BZPower.
He shrugged it off as merely a spam message. He went to Wart Wart Wart's profile page, and the three star rating confirmed it in his mind.
He went to his profile page, realizing that he hadn't checked his Profile Views counter in a while, and noticed that he, also, only had a three star rating.
Mouth agape, he logged out of BZPower.
 


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#17 Offline XONAR

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Posted Dec 30 2013 - 02:07 PM

This is just the best thing I have ever read in the Library. My favorite character is B6 by far. I often joke about him only saying "Thread Closed" as well. XD 


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#18 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Dec 30 2013 - 02:24 PM

I'm cranking these out.

 

This is just the best thing I have ever read in the Library. My favorite character is B6 by far. I often joke about him only saying "Thread Closed" as well. XD 

 

Thanks!

 

Day 148
Takua8 logged back onto BZPower to find that the bit of semi-news that he had reported the day prior had been posted.
This is it, he thought. My first proto point!
He logged in, but there were no notifications. He went to the News and Discussion topic, but found that a topic about the news had not been created yet.
He went away dismayed, thinking that he may only get proto if the news is deemed "worthy" enough.
But the moment before he closed the window holding the News and Discussion topic, he noticed another thread, titled Brickfare in Three Days!
He opened it, skimmed over the post, then looked over to his calendar. Indeed, that upcoming saturday was the main day of Brickfare, and today was Wednesday. He knew that some of the "special people" (mostly admins of various Bionicle, LEGO, and eatery websites and forums) went on Thursday, with the perk of additional feasting on brick-shaped foods, but that cost quite a bit more than the $12 it took just to get in on saturday.
He hadn't realized that it was coming up so quickly.
He went back to the main page of BZP, then to his comedy thread. A post had been made by a member named Extrememly Prodigious Artist, who had paid a few corrections and several compliments to Takua8. Takua8 thanked EPA, then began the new chapter, detailing the throes of being reprimanded by one of the staff.
He posted it, then went back to the thread about the upcoming Brickfare. He wrote and posted about that he was planning to come, and hoped to make a puff pastry Tahu, if he had the time.
He browsed around the forums a little longer before logging off and beginning planning his Tahu pastry.
 


Edited by Master of all Kopekes, Dec 30 2013 - 02:34 PM.

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#19 Offline Toa Of Anarchy

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Posted Dec 30 2013 - 03:28 PM

Dude, this is all totally boss. Make sure you do one involving some horrible RPing, over sized sigs, illegal avatar, as well as something concerning a "great" April fools gag


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"The invasion of the universe core is proceeding well, my newest creations are spreading darkness and corruption, and in general, it is good to be alive."
— Mutran, The Mutran Chronicles

 

"And you still haven't answered any of my one-hundred ten questions, or my follow ups."
— Vezon to Trinuma, Destiny War

 

"Another Hafu original!"
— Hafu, Mata Nui Online Game 

 

The biggest sacrifice in bionicle. Its a tie between Matoro giving up his life to save the universe and Hafu knocking down his beloved pieces of nostalgia to save Po-Koro.

 


#20 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Dec 30 2013 - 05:50 PM

"great" April fools gag

 

XD Yes this all the way. I've gotta work it in somewhere.


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#21 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Dec 31 2013 - 02:37 PM

Can you believe it? Another chapter already?

Man, I'm feeling so inspired with this. Prepare yourselves for Brickfare!

 

Day 150
Takua8 feverishly logged onto BZPower. This was his last day to log on before the long-awaited Brickfare.
His Tahu puff pastry was in the oven, puffing or whatever puff pastry does, and Takua8 was ready for it to be done. He had slaved over this dessert for hours, hoping to one day achieve the level of fame in the baking world as Chrome, a site-famous cooker on BZP who had been once known by his full name, Chromos Alpha, but recently had changed it simply to Chrome. Takua8 had read that he always took home several prizes, ranging from Most Likeness to Character to Most Flavorful Kanohi.
But this was Takua8's time to shine. He knew he could do it. He had poured his heart, soul, mind, sweat, tears, and more than several drops of blood into this pastry.
On his comedy, he wrote a short chapter about discovering PMs, after receiving one from 'Wort Wort Wort', his spin on Wart Wart Wart's username.
After doing so, he went back to the homepage of BZP. He had noticed something there that he hadn't before, a small image of six Toa, with the letters BZPRPG plastered across their shapely bodies.
Wait, thought Takua8, did I just think that?
He stared at the image for a few minutes before clicking it, wondering to what fantastic land it would bring him.
He was surprised to find that it did not, in fact, bring him to a fantastic land, but to a page, locked of new topics, that held such a list of topics such as BZPRPG: Ta-Wahi and Floating Metropoleis.
He decided to check out the rules after looking at a few of the topics. It seemed like a fun thing to do, as well as a good change to boost his measly post count. But he stopped for a moment after lokoing at the rules.

There were so many rules. Too many rules.

Or perhaps not rules, exactly, but things that must be done before he could join in on the fun and post boosting.
He decided to put it off until after he got back from Brickfare.
He logged out of BZPower, and the timer on the oven rang at the same time, signalling Takua8 that his Tahu puff pastry was finished.
He took it out of the oven.

It was perfect.
 


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#22 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Apr 16 2014 - 07:21 PM

Okay, okay. It's been an unreasonably long time since I've posted.

Well, I don't have an excuse.

Who cares.

 

Aaaand yes maybe I did work a Lego Movie reference in there to make up for my lack up updates. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.

To quote a very wise owl, "the world may never know".

 

BEGIN: THE EPIC OF DAY 151.

 

Day 151, Part One of who really knows how many i’m not even going to try and estimate because this is going to be a whopper of a day

Takua8’s alarm went off at a punctual 5:30. Typically, on saturdays, he woke up at a leisurely ten or eleven o’clock, but today was different.

Oh, so different.

He jumped out of bed, slipped into his Bionicle underwear and LEGO-themed shirt, then checked on his Tahu puff pastry.

Still puffy.

The power of Makuta, yes, that’s what it must have been, that tempted Takua8 to taste Tahu. No, how could he. That very idea would void any chance of his winning the competition at Brickfare. 

But Tahu’s sword looked so delicious. And his Kanohi? It appeared to Takua8 the most delectable morsel. A crumb, nay, a very molecule of that splendid combination of pastry flour, shortening, butter, oil, fat, lard, sugar, butter, shortening, preservatives, and sugar would be more than even a king of the greatest empire on earth would deserve. 

The flaky crust…The smooth, sweet, buttery frosting…

No!

No, Takua8 said to himself. No, the dark spirit Makuta was certainly haunting him. 

He picked up the tray holding the Tahu Puff Pastry, grabbed a bag of LEGO gummies for the ride, and headed out the door.

Brickfare started at ten o’clock, and if he wanted to get there when it opened, he had calculated that he would have to leave by 6:30. Looking at his clock, he noted that it was 6:27.

“Geez, I’m going to have to take off soon.”

He had almost stepped out the door before he noticed that he hadn’t put on any pants. 

‘What an oversight,’ he thought.

“Honey, where are my pants?” he hollered. His housemate, Honeiatsu, who he usually called Honey, usually was awake by this time. 

“Um, in your clothes drawer?”

What a silly question to ask. Of course, in his clothes drawer. Why didn’t Takua8 think of it himself? It must just be that he was in such a hurry.

He rushed upstairs, put on his pants, then left the house with the Tahu Puff Pastry. He put in a a large box in the car, braced it with a few cookies to make sure it didn’t shift around during the ride,

He started the car, backed up out of the drive, and was on the road.


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#23 Offline Ldd2000

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Posted Apr 16 2014 - 08:40 PM

This is just the best thing I have ever read in the Library. My favorite character is B6 by far. I often joke about him only saying "Thread Closed" as well. XD 

Same here XD


Great job Kopekemaster :), me want more!!


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Creating topic for Idd2000, please don't post until he does.

 

Or he'll eat you

 


#24 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jun 30 2014 - 03:56 PM

Wow. That was a long hiatus.

 

But last night I stayed up late late for me (11:00) writing. And I got through another like 3 chapters or something. Enjoy.

 

Day 152, Part Two

After a few minor hinderances, such as a large Greyhound bus speeding away before Takua8 could leech off of its Wifi supply and a police officer claiming that there was a speed limit in that area set at thirteen miles per hour (Takua8 wondered if they even set them at such an odd number), Takua8 pulled into the vicinity of Brickfare. Of course, there was no parking, at the center or anywhere near it, so he had to drive half an hour away, then ride a taxi up to the building, terrified at every pothole he went over lest puff-pastry Tahu lose a body part.
He slowly walked towards the entrance, gingerly picking his steps, not wishing to trod upon any unsuspecting madu cabolo cupcakes.
'You gotta watch out for those things, ya know?' Takua8 constantly reminded himself. At work, at play, just walking down the street...
Madu cabolo cupcakes. They should ban those.
Once he arrived at the entry point, he balanced the tray containing his precious Tahu with one hand while he fished out his wallet with the other, hesitantly handed over the utterly ridiculous price of $19.00 (It's ridiculous what it costs to get a good taste of LEGO nowadays, Takua8 grumbled), and walked inside.
He decided that the first place he needed to go was the BZPower table, so that he could put down his Tahu puff pastry, then from there he could look around for a bite. Bit, Takua8 reprimanded the narrator. Not bite.
It appeared, however, looking at the large map, that the BZPower booth was on the opposite side of the building. He let out a sigh, then resigned himself to walking slowly, trying to keep the number of stepped-on-children at least under fifteen. For the morning, anyway.
As he walked, he tried to envision what the BZPower members would look like in real life.
Going on the personality, he supposed White Five would be a stiff, middle-aged man, with a keen eye always looking for misbehaving "yung'uns". -LandRider- would be a young, blonde girl in the military, with anime-style features and an excellent eye for shooting. McSmeagol4 would just be a totally rad guy who probably would sit in the corner, playing Beatles songs on his 1950's Gibson and singing with a voice as sweet as McCartney himself...
Ratapui would probably have multiple personalities or something. Takua8 still didn't really get that.
Kpkmstr would be a fashionable, intelligent guy, with an incredible amount of skills, and, and... Well, Kpkmstr was actually probably a god incarnate. Probably like the god of everything awesome or something. I mean, basically. Couldn't be that far off.
iiBones would be that dorky kid who was a wiz with some things, and completely inept with others.
But Takua8 was sure that these ideas fell utterly short of the truth. There was only one way to find out, and it was a mere 3.445293 meters away. He thought he could already make out the monocle on White Five's face, and hear the gentle strum of McSmeagol4's melodious guitar.
A mere ten steps, and he would know.
 


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#25 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jul 01 2014 - 09:07 PM

BAHAHAHAHA YES

THE TIME YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

 

 

IS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER

And just to re-iterate, I think you guys (especially the staff) are great, and this is not meant to insult you at all.

 

And hey, a writer is allowed to be a god in his own story. Get over it.

 

Day 152, Part 3
Takua8 closed his eyes. It was just too beautiful, he wanted to save the surprise until he was there, and could converse easily with them. Them! The masters of BZPower, the guardians of the internet itself!
Some watching him blindly walking, trampling children and caring, above all else, for a combination of pastry flour, butter, lard, oil, fat, oil, butter, butter, lard, sugar, fat, oil, and red, orange, and black dye numbers 34, 95, and 23, respectively, may have thought he looked foolish.
But that didn't matter.
He opened his eyes when he just knew he was there. And he was. He slammed down his tray of Tahu puff pastry upon the table, and looked up to view his masters.
Only a few of them were there, but White Five was front and center. Takua8 frowned. Had White Five left in the time he had his eyes closed, or...
"Can I help you with something?" questioned the figure.
"Um, yes," answered Takua8. "I'm looking for White Five? He's tall, quite frightening, somewhat gestapo-like in features?"
The man snorted. "I'm White Five, but I certainly don't fit that description."
Takua8 was in shock. "You...you're White Five?" He was tall, it was true, but with soft, loving eyes and a welcoming smile. Takua8 had a sudden urge to hug him.
"Um. Yes. I... uh. Hmm. I'm Takua8."
He heard an echo, sounding like a whispered Who?, disperse around the tables.
"Good to meet you. This is -LandRider-, this is McSmeagol4, and this is Kpkmstr."
The first two he motioned to still looked partially how he had imagined, but the third, Kpkmstr, was...
Exactly how he had imagined. No, even more. He was not a god, was all gods, in one. Suddenly, Takua8 realized what religion truly was.. His entire body shone, and everywhere around him was blotted out from vision, as if space removed itself in His presence.
Takua8 could not help but bowing slightly. Kpkmstr put out his hand, to shake, and Takua8 took it gratefully. When he pulled his hand back, the skin of it was steaming.
McSmeagol4 was indeed playing a guitar and singing softly, so softly Takua8 couldn't make out the individual words, though the mere sound seemed to summon butterflies and rainbows.
-LandRider- had two pistols in shoulder holsters, one a .50 caliber, and the other a .357. Tucked into each boot were three derringers. And she seriously looked like she was from an anime.
He was horrified the gatekeepers even let her in.
As if she could tell what he was thinking, she nodded at the weapons and said "They made an exception," stroking the trigger on the .357.
Takua8 shook himself, then looked back at White Five. "I brought this Tahu puff pastry. Should I just put it here, or..."
"Here, I'll come around and help you," said White Five, then began the long trek around the tables.
White he waited, Kpkmstr came closer to the Tahu.
"Puff pastry, did you say?" he said.
"Um, yes..." Takua8 said with a horrified expression, watching Kpkmstr reaching out as if to break off a piece. He looked towards -LandRider- desperately.
But she had already moved. She had the .50 caliber pistol pressed against Kpkmstr's brilliant head. "No," she said, softly.
Kpkmstr stepped back. "Fine," he said, then snapped his fingers and vanished.
"Sorry about that," -LandRider- said, re-holstering the gun. "He can be a bit unruly at points."
At that moment, White Five appeared, then helped set out the Tahu puff pastry as he thought it should go.
As he turned back, a white, lacy glove hit the side of his face.
He turned mellowly towards the source of the duel-inciting projectile.
A small boy stood there, eating a chocolate chip cookie. "Hello, White Five," he said. "I'm Jack Crag."
 


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#26 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jul 03 2014 - 04:28 PM

Day 152, Part Four.
Starting at paragraph seven or something, you really ought to listen to this song while you read.

White Five's face had always struck me as calm, accepting, welcoming, friendly. All that left in a second. A shadow crossed his face, blotting out the features just as effectively in darkness as Kpkmstr's glory did with light.
"What... did you say."
"Jack Crag." He took the final bite of cookie, and swallowed. A black steam rose from his body. "Shall we go about this all inside, or should we go out?"
"Let's stay," White Five answered. He flicked out his wrist, and a collapsable defense baton filled it the next second. The muscles in his body tensed. "I want everyone to be able to confirm the fact that you'll be dead."
"Then let's begin."
He stepped back with his right foot, then reached to his back. His hands returned with two jumbo chocolate chip cookies.
Without a word, White Five darted forward, striking out with the baton. Jack Crag parried it with one of the cookies, taking a bite of the other. After parrying, he poked a hole in that cookie with a finger, then spun it around his pointer finger at an incredible speed. He swung at White Five with it. White Five ducked, swiping at Jack Crag's feet with the baton. Jack Crag jumped back, throwing one of the cookies at White Five. A clean stroke with the baton split the cookie in twain.
On the side, Kpkmstr appeared again, picked up the cookie pieces, then vanished again.
When he landed, Jack Crag slipped on a child running by at the time, and lost his balance. Seizing the opportunity, White Five thrust forward with the baton. Jack Crag held up the second cookie. The baton plunged through it and stayed there, stuck.
Jack Crag flipped up the cookie, flinging the baton into the distance. He smiled.
Another child, running by, ran into the rejoicing Jack Crag, causing him to fall over. In the next second, -LandRider- tossed White Five the .50 caliber pistol. White Five caught it, ran up to the arising Jack Crag, and kicked him down again, standing on his chest to keep him down. He pressed the gun against Jack Crag's head, then leaned down and put his mouth next to Jack Crag's ear.
"Question answered, thread closed."
The gun went off. A red pool spilled out onto the floor. Children slipped this way and that.
White Five stood up and returned the gun to -LandRider- after regaining his baton.
As he said something quietly to -LandRider-, a shout came from behind him.
"White Five! It is I, Lerahk Jester! I challenge thee to a duel!"
 


Edited by Kopekemaster, Jul 03 2014 - 04:28 PM.

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#27 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jul 04 2014 - 05:27 PM

Alrighty, people, I know you're all going to be sad, but we're nearing the end.

Don't worry, though. The end is epic. Epic in the way that the end of Bionicle was epic.

Actually, basically the exact same way. You'll see.

 

Day 151, Part Five
White Five turned to face the caller, a teenage boy. "Dude. Seriously? Didn't you just see what happened?"
"Uh, no, I was preparing my duel-challenge speech, so..."
"That body there is Jack Crag. The last guy who challenged me to a duel."
"Oh."
Without another word, Lerahk Jester turned and left the convention, deciding instead to go hang out at that place where they have all the online Bionicle games, you know, the arcade across the street, "Bionicle Media Place" or something like that.
Takua8 stood, aghast, still staring at the body. A moment later, Kpkmstr appeared, looked at the body, said "Finally!", then vanished, bringing the body with him.
"What...?" started Takua8.
White Five cut him off. "That's how we do things on BZPower. Remember Scarcity? Pretty much the same thing."
Takua8 backed away, then decided to clear his head by looking around the rest of the convention. The not-crazy part of the convention, he thought.
He saw some pretty amazing MOCs (My Own Cooks) there, sampled the newest LEGO cheese blocks, and ate a large Rocky Raider ice cream cone.
As he went about, he began to see things in a new light. White Five was merely protecting his domain, the domain which "Jack Crag" had repeatedly crossed.
A little while later, he went back to the BZPower booth and hung out with the members there. Several more joined them, later, including Phantom-ish, Blue Jaaaaaay, and Chrome. Takua8 also heard that Wart Wart Wart might be on the premises somewhere, but didn't bother looking for him, since the PM that he had been sent by him was still unanswered, and still weird.
Hours passed, he ate lunch, looked around further, bought some Aqua Raider slushies, more hours passed, and the BZPower gang decided to have dinner together.
Where?
Why, Olive Garden, of course.
Goodness. Just the sheer amount of breadsticks consumed by White Five and -LandRider- that night... Uncanny. Takua8 got the "Endless Pasta Bowl", because he had a hankerin' for pasta, and that hankerin' wasn't going to be giving up any time soon.
The hankering left after three and a half bowls, never to return. He was satisfied for life.
After a slightly intoxicated goodbye, Takua8 left for his hotel room, situated conveniently nearby to the Olive Garden.
He checked in, and as soon as he dropped onto his bed, he was asleep.
 


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#28 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Jul 05 2014 - 02:13 AM

I find this and it's nice but....

Is Lerahk Jester me or Electric Turahk. =P


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-Rahkshi Guurahk

GENERATION 3: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

If I actually tried putting all the stuff I like on here, the sig would burst.

 

 


#29 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jul 05 2014 - 10:20 AM

It's a certain Guurahk Entertainer, actually. He's been planned to be in it almost from the start.


Edited by Kopekemaster, Jul 05 2014 - 12:42 PM.

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#30 Offline Oroki

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Posted Jul 05 2014 - 12:02 PM

lololololololol I liek dis commedy

Most of it is spot on.

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#31 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Jul 05 2014 - 12:45 PM

It's a certain Guurahk Entertainer, actually. He's been planned to be in it almost from the start.

I keep forgetting we have so many Rahkshi here. =P


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-Rahkshi Guurahk

GENERATION 3: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

If I actually tried putting all the stuff I like on here, the sig would burst.

 

 


#32 Offline Toa Of Anarchy

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Posted Jul 06 2014 - 08:46 AM

"Question Answered, Thread Closed" Nice touch to a awesome boss battle. Couldn't help but think of Jack Crag as Pride from FMAb.


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"The invasion of the universe core is proceeding well, my newest creations are spreading darkness and corruption, and in general, it is good to be alive."
— Mutran, The Mutran Chronicles

 

"And you still haven't answered any of my one-hundred ten questions, or my follow ups."
— Vezon to Trinuma, Destiny War

 

"Another Hafu original!"
— Hafu, Mata Nui Online Game 

 

The biggest sacrifice in bionicle. Its a tie between Matoro giving up his life to save the universe and Hafu knocking down his beloved pieces of nostalgia to save Po-Koro.

 


#33 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jul 06 2014 - 07:35 PM

XD I hoped that connection would happen.

 

Last chapter, yo (though there's a little more something after it). Get hyped.

 

Day 152 1/2, but also mostly Day 153, but also kind of all eternity? Long chapter ahead.
Throughout the night, he was plauged with dreams of Wart Wart Wart giving him mysterious messages.
"Careful, *!*8TaKuA8*!*. You may not know the path you tread," was the recurring theme. The final dream was of Takua8 and Wart Wart Wart standing side-by-side, looking into a mirror at their reflections.
He woke up with a start, shook himself, then got dressed. He ate a quick breakfast at the COMPLIMENTARY CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST at his hotel, then headed out to Brickfare again.
When he arrived back at the BZPower booth (after verifying that the Tahu puff pastry was still intact, with several suspicious glances at Kpkmstr), there was a member he hadn't seen the previous day there.
The boy was of medium height, dressed plainly, with glasses and short-cut black hair. Takua8 stepped forward and extended a hand in greeting.
"Hi, I'm Takua8."
"I know who you are," said the boy. "I'm Wart Wart Wart."
Takua8 stiffened. "Oh. Yeah. I'm... sorry for not responding to your PM."
"No response was needed. I knew that from the start." After saying this, he nodded slightly to Kpkmstr, as if in thanks. "We will talk more, later."
Takua8, slightly unnerved, backed away with a hesitant smile, and turned to White Five, looking for anything to talk about other than Wart Wart Wart. The topic eventually strayed to the inevitable reboot of Bionicle, and the fantastic food products that would come of that.
Takua8 hoped that Freg Garshtey would will be main cook, but other members weren't so sure.
"He lacked flavour," some argued. "His characters were bland."
But Takua8 didn't see what they were talking about. His characters were ingenious.
A while later, Takua8 felt the need to go to the bathroom. The hallway that led to them had mirrors on either side, which reminded Takua8 of his dream last night. A shiver went uncontrollably up and down his spine.
He had almost reached the bathroom door when Wart Wart Wart appeared at his side.
"I'm going to show you something."
Takua8 quickened his pace.
Wart Wart Wart's hands flew out, one arm trapping Takua8's arm, and the other pressed against his neck, holding him against one of the mirrors.
"You know what's going on. You, Kpkmstr, and I. We are the only three. And Kpkmstr is so confusing that I'm not sure how much he thinks he knows, although he truly does know all. But how much do you really know?"
"Really know about what? I..."
"Your 'fanfic'."
"What about it? It's just a comedy!"
"You...really are that unaware?" He pulled his arms away. Takua8 looked down the hall, towards the entrance. Something was being slowly pulled in front of it, blocking out the light previously streaming in from there. The only light in there now was strangely blue. Takua8 glanced at the lights above, fluorescent lights that flickered slightly, but... Something was different. He was sure they had never been so blue before.
"Let me explain. Kpkmstr, as you know, is a god. The God, if you want to put it in those terms, though... Well, things are complicated. But you'll understand soon. He isn't a god in the sense that we think, that he is an all-knowing, all-powerful being who created the known universe, although he is all of those. He literally wrote the universe into existence. He is the writer... of this universe. Do you understand at all?"
"Maybe. But what does this have to do with my fanfic?"
"Your 'fanfic' is a real place. Actually, it is almost identical to the universe from which Kpkmstr emerged. Perhaps even the same one, though it is almost impossible to tell. That is just his name here, though. His true name, in his original universe, was Kopekemaster. Is Kopekemaster. He wrote a fanfic, not unlike the one you are writing, and eventually became the ruler of that universe."
"So... the same thing is happening with me?"
"It can. And it probably is already starting to, though you're still in this universe, or dimension. Really, it is both."
"Where is the universe, or dimension, or whatever, though?"
"It resides in your mind. But I can bring us there. I am the guardian of the dimensions, and I can bring us through them. Look."
He brought Takua8 back a step, and gestured to the mirror that he had pushed Takua8 against not long ago.
Suddenly the mirror disappeared, and it was a window, showing Brickfare. Though... no, thought Takua8. Not Brickfare, Brickfair. What I had planned to bring the main character to in my fanfic. Look, there are those little plastic toys that they play with, instead of cooking. How silly. But...
"We can go there, but first, I must know the name you would have in your story. What is it?"
"I...I never came up with one."
"Well, do so, and we can go."
Takua8 thought for some time on this, but also other things that Wart Wart Wart had said, trying to piece it all together in his mind.
Eventually, he decided. "I'm going to be Takua. That's what I wanted to be in real life, or whatever this universe or whatever is, anyway."
"Very well. I am Wort Wort Wort in that universe, but my true name is Calignu. Let us be gone."
The area away from them vanished. The next moment, they stood, or, rather, floated, in front of a large red disc in space. There was another in back of them, this one blue.
"This is the gate. When we go in, we will be in your universe. You will have powers just like those of Kpkmstr in the previous universe. Use them well. The gate behind us is the one back into the dimension we just left. I will lead the way."
Calignu leapt forward into the gate, and vanished as he touched it. Takua8 started to follow.
A moon, drawn in its course, plummeted towards a planet. A similar moon moved in a similar course on the opposite side, both towards chasms in the planet.
Takua8 never saw or heard it coming. It brushed by him, striking his head with not enough force to kill him, but enough to knock him out. As the gateways faded from his view, he saw the moon still move, away, towards the planet, and towards an abnormally large being standing on it.
His limp body floated towards the blue portal. As soon as it touched it, he vanished, back into the bathroom.
His body was found, but was so deep a coma that the doctors were only able to keep him alive and hope for the best.
 


Edited by Kopekemaster, Jul 06 2014 - 07:35 PM.

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#34 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jul 07 2014 - 06:35 PM

Author's Epilogue

This story, or, rather, as it is, narrative, has taken me quite some time to write. All of BZPower, and all of its members, has Takua8 to thank for their existence, and they should pray that he never awakes, nor dies. The universe runs on in his mind, consuming him, as the coma takes his body and consciousness. He watches us from afar, overseeing our movements.
You all know how I know this. Just as Takua8 is god of this dimension, I am god of his, and have precedence over this one as well. This works the other way, too, of course, as this is my origin dimension, and Takua8, or, as I should truly call him, Takua, has dominion over my dimension as well.
But all of this to say that I hope you enjoyed this. And remember, hope. Always hope. Your existence depends on it. My existence depends on it.
 


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#35 Offline RahkshiToa88

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Posted Jul 15 2014 - 12:26 PM

Is Takua8 Hapori Tohu?


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#36 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jul 15 2014 - 04:13 PM

wut

 

No, that's Patori Tapohu.


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