This is a comedy I have been working on for a few days. It is a satire starring a new member on BZPower.
I'm pretty sure this is OK as BZPower itself is LEGO-related, but if not, PM me and move it.
It is in a fairly rough draft phase right now. You will mostly see this in tense-related problems. I don't usually have problems with that kind of thing, but I did this time.
Here is the first "chapter" of it:
After finding a BZPower result in google, he goes to home page and reads.
"New LEGO Star Wars Set!
By Andrew, reported to by Takauju, who will NOT get any proto-points. Even though he reported news.
Check out the LEGO Shop@Home site to see a new LEGO Star Wars set. It's only $250.00 USD, so you can buy it for sure!"
New member decides that it would be worth his while to make an account. He likes LEGO and Bionicle, though he hasn't done much with his 60 sets in a while.
He clicks on the "Enter BZPower Forums" button, but is greeted with a message saying the forums are offline.
He closes the page.
Here is the next chapter:
He goes to the site again, but is still pushed away by the "offline" message.
And the third, the absolute shortest chapter ever:
Here is the fourth chapter, where things really get going:
He has tried every day to enter the BZPower forums with decreasing excitement, but each time fails. This day, however, he successfully enters the site. Perhaps it has been good, as he has had time to play, take apart, build, and again play with all his Bionicle sets, as well as re-read the books three times each. He feels prepared. But perhaps it wasn't good either.
"Geez, why did it take so long?" He wonders.
He notices that all the links are somewhat grey, that he can't search, nor can he read member's pages.
"There go all my hopes of just reading on here without having an account." He clicks the green button that says "New Account".
Now he needs a username.
He really likes Takua as a character, so he tries it.
Username already taken.
He tries Tahu, Pohatu, Onewa, Vezon, and all the Rahkshi names with the same result.
"I bet all the people that have those usernames are really famous." He says to himself.
He decides upon the username *!*8TaKuA8*!*. He doesn't realize until too late that that sounds like a computer-generated spambot username.
He enters his email address, real name, and all his other details. He then tries to log on, but it won't let him.
He checks his email for the confirmation email, but sees nothing.
He goes back to the site and clicks "resend confirmation email". He goes back and checks his email again, but nothing is there.
He may have an idea.
He goes to the spam folder on his email and finds both emails there. He selects them both, clicks Not Spam, and confirms his account.
Now he can log in!
He does so and chooses the "rules" as his first thread to read. He opens it, starts reading one, then gets bored at Rule 2 and goes back to the main forum page. He scrolls down to the bottom.
128 Members currently online!
His name is the first one in the list.
"I must be really important or something, for me to be at the top of the list."
*!*8TaKuA8*!*, who we will simply call Takua8 from now on, has a vanity problem.
He believes that he IS in fact the most important person on the forums, in the world.
He goes to a thread entitled "Physics in Bionicle". It was started by a member named iiBones. Strange name. It takes him 15 minutes to read the first post and only understands a few sentences.
He reads a few of the following posts and decides to post something.
"umm yeah i think that the fisics in bionicle were really wierd liek the time that mata nui fell over while walking!!!11!!!1!!"
He clicks Post, the page reloads, but he doesn't see his post. His memory shoots back to when he saw something about "An Admin must approve your first 5 posts."
He closes the page.
And now the fifth. (Just to let you all know, I'm not picking on the different members that I parody; I am merely putting them in for the comedy aspect. For example White Five (Black Six) only ever posts "Question answered, Thread Closed." because that is pretty much I ever see his real-life person post.):
He logs onto BZPower and goes to the thread he had posted in yesterday.
It has his post, but then under it a small message saying:
Make sure you have good spelling and grammar on the forums. ~White Five
P.S. Question answered, Thread Closed.
Wow. White Five himself! True, he got reprimanded, but who cares! White Five was the one that did the reprimanding!
He posts a few more times in different threads. He tries to use better spelling and grammar.
"A reprimand from White Five should not be questioned!" Takua8 says to himself.
A few "liek"s fall through the cracks, though. He has now posted four times, and wanted to make his final post that had to be approved.
He goes to a section called Completely Off Topic. Sounds like Takua8's kinda thing.
"Describe the Username of the Member Before You" he clicked on that, read the short description of what to do, then went to the most recent post.
It was done by a guy (or possibly girl) named Kpkmstr. Weird name.
So he decides to post just that: "Weird name." After posting it, he realized that that's what most people say.
"Gotta blend in!"
It gets approved and he signs out.
Here is the sixth chapter (I just realized that all my double posting has been put into one big post. Weird.):
Takua8 signs into the site again and notices a small red "1" on top of a picture looking like a envelope at the top of the page. He clicks it and it said Messenger. The message he had gotten was entitled "Grammar" and was from RataPui.
He opened it and read:
"I think your grammar is great.
NO IT'S NOT!
Yeah, I think so.
Well, you're weird.
No, I'm not.
[This went on for a while.]
Well, I think that your grammar and spelling could use a lot of work. But don't ask me, as I don't like english.
Well I do!
Yeah, he does. I guess you could ask him.
Takua8 felt very confused after reading this message. Was RataPui schizophrenic? No, that couldn't be it.
He clicked on RataPui's name and read his about me page.
It was two people. That's…strange. Why they didn't just get separate accounts was beyond him.
At least he wasn't schizophrenic.
Takua8 went back to his page and clicked the "Profile Stream" tab.
He is instantly overwhelmed with what seemed like everyone on BZPower greeting him.
Except they all said the same thing.
)Takua( --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help!
iiBones --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help!
Kpkmstr --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help!
charge_alpha --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help!
McSmeagle4 --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help!
Takauju --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help! (PLEASE LET ME GET SOME PROTO POINTS!!)
White Five --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Question answered, Thread Closed.
Well, maybe it wasn't EVERYONE on BZPower. But it was 6 people.
But he didn't understand what White Five was saying.
And what were proto points?
He logged off and went back to what he should've been doing, school.
Behold, Chapter 7:
After logging on, Takua8 went to the Completely Off Topic place again. He found a thread entitled "Doctor Who Series 10 Preview!" He really liked Doctor Who, so he clicked on it. There should've been a link there with a small description below. But instead of the link there was written "Question answered, Thread Closed. ~White Five. The original poster had been "Mr. Laughs is NOT of this World". Weird name. Takua8 wondered if he played Describe the Username of the Member Before You.
He read a few posts, then came to one by an Admin by the username of ~Landrider~. It said:
That link leads to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a forum that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a forum that has a link to another forum that has a link to a site that MAY have a pop-up advert on it.
Below that was a post by White Five saying:
Question answered, Thread Closed.
BUMMER. He really wanted to get a preview of the next series of Doctor Who.
He posted a few more times in Lego Discussion before signing out.
Edited by Kopekemaster, May 22 2013 - 01:42 PM.