Hachaian Winds...Review it here.

It isn't EXACTLY a Mata Haru fic, so I'm not gonna ask for reviews there.

But, you can always Read up on Mata Haru for any backstory you might want.

I hope you like it! I'll be testing out new writing styles on chapters...enjoy!



This post has been edited by Makuta Master: Sep 20 2003, 07:31 PM

Ah hah! I knew you'd post a new epic soon... although I thought it was going to be the next prequel the Mata Haru.
The first chapter starts strong, just the way I like it. It explains a lot without seeming to have dumped a yak load (don't ask) of information on you, and is quite intresting to read. And it also has it's signature creepy MM writting style, where you never know what's going to happen next, but you can imagine it's gonna be BAD for the main charactor. You just like to torcher the livin' bejeezeus out of your main charactors, don't you? Whatever... it's good reading, and you can bet I'll be following this one closely...

Well...as always, you've set us up for what is sure to be another exciting ride! As one of the few people who know a bit of what you're up to, I can honestly say this is a perfect way to begin the tale. Poor Tahkii...you've got a bit of a 'let's torture the main character' complex as well, ne? I know how that is!

The sudden, sweeping style of the fic is beautiful, and reminescent of your Mata Haru fics. This is going to be great...and I'm eager for some more.

Nova Nuhvok

MoM-Yeah, I am working on [several] other Mata Haru sequels: Rising Tide- Beginnings 2 and a sequel to The Hunt.

NN-Exciting ride indeed. Just wait til you see the charactrs for this-even better!

QUOTE

The sudden, sweeping style of the fic is beautiful, and reminescent of your Mata Haru fics.

Thanks...And I'm sure it'll tie it all up down the road.

By the way, MataNuiHero IS writing a semi-sequel to The Hunt--Prelude to Death. Read it if you have time!

Wow.

Very cool beginning, and your description of places is amazing.

I can't wait to see what happens to Tahkii!

QUOTE (Makuta Master @ Sep 23 2003, 03:25 PM)

MoM-Yeah, I am working on [several] other Mata Haru sequels: Rising Tide- Beginnings 2 and a sequel to The Hunt. NN-Exciting ride indeed. Just wait til you see the charactrs for this-even better! QUOTE The sudden, sweeping style of the fic is beautiful, and reminescent of your Mata Haru fics. Thanks...And I'm sure it'll tie it all up down the road. By the way, MataNuiHero IS writing a semi-sequel to The Hunt--Prelude to Death. Read it if you have time!

*cough*
Your wrong MM, it's not if they simply... "have time" they need to MAKE TIME! *grrrrr*

Anywhoo. I think your crazy for starting this. YES! CRAZY! but I like it. I love it. And I know what happens! *cries* I still think your member title should be spoiler.

Even if I know where the path will lead, I'll love to walk it anyways! [i sounded smart]. I'm suprised Tahkii isn't a smash bang action hero, with swords! He's a wussy translator! what a pansy!

I'm just kidding.

He really reminds me of Takua. They're similar, they aren't big fighters, and have different duties. "different". I think he's cool. But the coolness of this opening was overshadowed by the evil, i'm-gonna-torture-you coolness, which is close enough for me.

But the wind part was cool. And while your still crazy, write more. It's good.

MNH *thinks your a character torturer*

Well! The introduction is rather...explosive, with action before you can blink. Very ominous, and storms already! Do you ever tire of writing about storms and ominous voices?

Well done...and quit signing off of AIM without warning like that!
"BZMakutaMaster: http://www.bzpower.com/forum/index.php?act...=0#entry1258531
BZMakutaMaster: Read MY FICCY! NEWWW!
BZMakutaMaster signed off at 2:34:37 PM. "

-BH108-

Whee, more replies!

QUOTE

He really reminds me of Takua. They're similar, they aren't big fighters, and have different duties. "different". I think he's cool. But the coolness of this opening was overshadowed by the evil, i'm-gonna-torture-you coolness, which is close enough for me.

Aye, I know I'm crazy. And yes, EVIL evil rocks. And this one's loaded.

QUOTE

Well! The introduction is rather...explosive, with action before you can blink. Very ominous, and storms already! Do you ever tire of writing about storms and ominous voices?

Explosive...hehehehehhehe! Storms I love, ominous voices I love. B-e-a-utiful they are.
Chapter 2 (a real one, by the way) is coming soon!

Whoo-hoo! Oooh, ominus. I'd better not read too much of this, or I'll end up torturing Lewa in my epic or the Bahrag in my short story, both of which I'd love to have read . Okay, now I am getting desperate.
ON TOPIC: Great Story! I likey the ominus ending! Write more!
Lewagirl78

well that is very good mm.try in the next chapter making toa of uyour own invention!

Actually...I have made my own Toa. They lived on Mata Haru. They died, of course. Read the stories here for more on them.

And..>Chapter 2 is coming VERY soon. I've been busy preparing an AWESOME chapter, guys.

Awesome work, Tylermeister...? Lol, interesting new name...

Still, it's excellent so far. The charecters are good, the "scenery" is good, because you rather described it pretty well, and just the whole storyline is coming round great. Awesome work.

...:::FH

Well Tylermiester,

This Chapter was cooler, as Napata makes his "Grand" Entrance! *Snort*

I'm glad a little bit of some plot was revealed, atleast I hope it was. [Spider-Centaur searching for The "Dark" Mask or whatever.]

Have we had a Description of Tahkii yet? If not better get one soon, I keep thinking of him like an MOL version of Takua! But I really can't wait for the Upcoming chapters, and see what happens to both our Tohungan friends.

MNH

Cool, MM... er, -T-. You set the scene so well. I thought I might blow away as I was reading Chapter 1. And in Chapter 2, I got so cold my hands were almost too numb to scroll down.

Yep, you do torture those characters... so deliciously. But who am I to talk, after what I did to Onua in OGK?

I like the way you infuse standard stuff with so much more meaning:

QUOTE

The Rau didn’t just give an ability to read, it gave the memories of all those who wore it.

I also like the way the bad guys, though powerful, are still limited. They still need a little punk Matoran to translate for them. And it's the little guy's big chance to stand up to evil... And poor Napata... he's found civilization, only to see its spears pointed at him. I look forward to seeing what you do with these guys.

Wow...Just wow...Words fail me..though that may be because it's 1:13..anyways AWESOME work, I love the rau..the Centaur..thingeh is scary, and the lost Napata is interesting, keep up the good work dude!

-Janus

Awww...you big meanie! Poor little Tahiki...sucked up by evil right away. Makes me wonder if he'll escape? Blah...but like GG, who am I to lecture about torturing characters.

I love the way you not only describe, but SHOW the fact that Hachaia IS indeed another world. Are you basing the language off any existing ones? I do like the 'O tuk tuk ey' line for some reason.

I'll be eagerly waiting for some more. C'mon, make another storm...I like the way you write those.

Nova Nuhvok

Awesome.

I like your scaly, slime-coated, spider-legged centaur bad guy. Sounds like the ultimate baddy to me. Tahkii's definately got an obstacle to overcome...

I also like Napata's part of confusion; you've got a lot of explaining to do, MM...

Can't wait to see what happens next!

Great work, um... whoever you are... Nice variety of names, Eh MM? lol.

Um, I like it! It has an excellent "aura" to it, very mysterious in that you don't know much about anything. I would say... I love it! When do you suppose you'll have chapter 3 up?

Excellent work!

Awsome work! This has got to be one of the better stories I've read.

A translator facing a spider leg centaur? Pft, you do like to torture characters Back to MM? Man, you just can't get a good name.


BLT- Nice work.

I'm glad so many people are reviewing and saying what they like!

QUOTE

Have we had a Description of Tahkii yet? If not better get one soon, I keep thinking of him like an MOL version of Takua! But I really can't wait for the Upcoming chapters, and see what happens to both our Tohungan friends.

I honestly see him like that too-but he's got a light blue body and orange masks/hands/legs. They symbolize some of the future--see if you can guess what.

QUOTE

I also like the way the bad guys, though powerful, are still limited.

Of course, nobody's perfect.

QUOTE

I love the way you not only describe, but SHOW the fact that Hachaia IS indeed another world. Are you basing the language off any existing ones? I do like the 'O tuk tuk ey' line for some reason.

Yes, another world...
I just slop some gibberish together for Hachaian. It'll go away soon, though.

QUOTE

I also like Napata's part of confusion; you've got a lot of explaining to do, MM...

Heh heh heh...And I will explain, of course.

QUOTE

I love it! When do you suppose you'll have chapter 3 up?

Soon. Very soon. Just working out the kinks.

QUOTE

Awsome work! This has got to be one of the better stories I've read.

Thank you so much! I'll highly suggest my Mata Haru fics, too. There's a link somewhere in this topic...

MM

This post has been edited by Makuta Master: Oct 19 2003, 02:25 PM

Chapter 1: Creepy! You sure know how to bring alive an atmosphere of terror... You've always been able to, but you're sure outclassing yourself in this fic.
Chapter 2: Holy Mackrel! Napata? For some reason he seems to be a favourite of the Great Beings in charge of the Mata Haru island(s). And what a strange island this Hachaia is... Cold and barren, it seems, with cities the size of mountains... I can't wait to discover more of it.
Ah, a new form of evil, forcing a young Matoran to do their bidding, who, in turn, decides to counteract. Like a mixture of Ta- and Ko-Matoran...

A rich story, with a turn of events that will unfold greater mysteries, I expect. Can't wait...
*rubs hands gleefully and impatiently*

EDIT: Chapter 3: 200 years in the future? Everyone has been killed? Man, that's a storyline twist I hadn't seen coming... And I love it!

This post has been edited by Schizo Kaita: Oct 22 2003, 03:43 PM

This by far takes the cake on best chapter. but i guess that's not a HUGE accomplishment, since it only has three chapters..

But that is irrelivant, this chapter was cool!

I loved it when Taku- errr... Tahkii escaped from the Sekuls, that scene was very cool. It's interesting how the Sekul referred to Tahkii as Hachain scum... reminiscent of Star wars...

I hope Napata gets a royal pardon from Kaloti. Or that he atleast figures out what's going on, even I'm a little confused here MM! EXPLANATION!

Anywhoo, let's hope for another uber-cool chapter!

MNH

Schizo--Terror I love. More, of course, shall follow...
Yeah, cold-we'll actually have, dare I say it, snow! Yay! I feel I have to describe this world even more.

As for the time thing-It's not like 200 years from our time, to clarify for EVERYONE. I think of Mata Haru and the Bionicle line in general as like the very old times. Like pyramids in Egypt. So a 200 year jump, although I thrust it into the Middle Ages era, is still not technologically evolved.

I thought you might like that twist, Schizo. ;-)

MNH-Next chapter will own this one. Royal pardon from Kaloti? Oh, Kaloti's like that old guy nobody likes. No need for pardons, but there is a HUGE chapter on its way.

I think of these first things as introduction. EXPLANATION is on its way, my friend.

That's really freaky! It is cool the way he went about 200 years into the future. If he was killed, how was he there? Or maybe he isn't actually in the future. But it is a really cool story, and I like the name. It just makes you want to read it.
Also, It is weird the way they made him read the wall for them. It would seem like they would be able to read it themselves, being so powerful. Oh well, I guess that everybody has a weakness. Anyway, great story!
-Compka

Off topic: 300 posts!

Another awsome chapter, MM.

Tahkii's escape definitely is going to cause some problems for the Matoran; but that's okay, 'cause it'll be an excellent conflict.

And that time difference is comepletely shocking. I'm curious how Napata will deal with this...

Anyway, can't wait for the next chapter!

I like the way this is going, MM! (good, you have your old name back ) Tahkii escapes, but somehow... I expected him to have more of a flee then that. I liked the Napata parts, but all the time stuff was very confusing.

All in all, keep it up! You're a good writer!

QUOTE (Compka Toa of Electricity @ Oct 23 2003)

But it is a really cool story, and I like the name. It just makes you want to read it.

Thank you--I'm glad you enjoy it. The name was the first thing that came to me, and the wind factor will play a major role later.

QUOTE (Beisbeis @ Oct 23 2004)

Tahkii's escape definitely is going to cause some problems for the Matoran; but that's okay, 'cause it'll be an excellent conflict. And that time difference is comepletely shocking. I'm curious how Napata will deal with this...

Big bombad problems...and yes, awesome conflict.

The time, oh, this is the greatest thing I have ever devised in my mind. Lots of stuff will be wrapped up by the time the majority of the old "prophecy" is fulfilled. (More on that next chapter)

QUOTE (-ToM Nuva- @ Oct 23 2003)

Tahkii escapes, but somehow... I expected him to have more of a flee then that. I liked the Napata parts, but all the time stuff was very confusing. All in all, keep it up! You're a good writer!

I originally had more flight. In fact I almost made him get caught. Then I had a stroke of genius, and everything fell into place. And I WILL explain the time a bit more.

Thanks. I really try. I think Winds will be my best work yet...

This post has been edited by Makuta Master: Oct 24 2003, 03:13 PM

MM, what's this? Could it actually be... a long chapter?
Rune the guard, giving Tahkii that old sword... How very medieval. The Prince Rakuma, awaiting his corronation (or Kanohiation, whatever they call it), living in his crystal palace - and suddenly, he receives three unexpected guests, bringing bad tidings and ancient prophecies. How dramatic!
Now if it weren't for that cliffhanger...

QUOTE (Schizo Kaita @ Oct 31 2003, 11:48 AM)

MM, what's this? Could it actually be... a long chapter? Rune the guard, giving Tahkii that old sword... How very medieval. The Prince Rakuma, awaiting his corronation (or Kanohiation, whatever they call it), living in his crystal palace - and suddenly, he receives three unexpected guests, bringing bad tidings and ancient prophecies. How dramatic! Now if it weren't for that cliffhanger...

*gasp* It was going to be a bit longer...but it woulda got a little boring.

Without that cliffhanger I am not complete.

So you like cliffhangers too, eh MM? Interesting new rank...

Chapter 4 is awesome. I really liked how the Necklace lets Napata understand and speak Hachian, and the prince sounds reasonable. Not "fairy-tail-ish". As usual, and execllent chapter!

I really like the new chapter, MM! That was cool the way Napata and Tahkii are supposed to be like partners in destiny, or whatever. But what I thought was really cool was when Kaloti did all the storm and flash things. That seemed a lot like Gandalf from LoTR to me, but it was still really cool. The floodgates open? I wonder what that means.
-Compka

P.S. Hey! You're rank is Dork! Is that what you get when you reach 4500 posts?

This post has been edited by Compka Toa of Electricity: Nov 5 2003, 08:30 AM

Hey, nice new chapter. The legend was good, very prophetic (I wish I could write like that...), and I liked the final battle at the end. Kaloti's powers are amazing! He wiped them all out with one blast!

-ToM-: I do like cliffhangers. They keep me alive. I tried to keep the Prince down-to-earthy. I love to write legends and all, I think it definitely showed in Kaloti's tale. But...he's keeping something back. That, and I forgot that I wanted to add it.

Compaka: Thanks. Kaloti is kinda the only elemental power now...So he's going to be awesome. The floodgates open, Napata sorta acknowledges his destiny, and he's ready to kick Sekul behind.

Well...I read it last night...but got distracted. So I went back and read it again...and I still love the royalty type thing you have going there. That's always a nice element in legend type fics...gives the island a sense of ancient-ness, which it is.

QUOTE

Out of nowhere a flash burst forth, disintegrating any Sekul left alive. Tahkii cringed, the smell of burnt flesh wafting to his senses. “What…happened?” Turaga Kaloti stepped out of the shadowy staircase. “I thought you could use some help.”

Boy, that Kaloti sure is powerful! Or was it Kaloti?

QUOTE

I felt that the winds were again changing, the Hachaian Winds spoken of in the tales

Don't know why, but I particularly love this quote! It gives the fic a faraway, restless feel.

Nova Nuhvok

Hi Makuta Master!

I am commenting only on chapter one so far.

-Nice phrase: "unhospitable wind". I've got a pretty good picture of what this place is like.

-Oooh, I like that. Nice placement of a question there: "Their place of training?"

-Hmmmm. Eerie. Evil voices in the wind. Question: if bad guy goes bye-bye, will the weather here improve permanently?

-Very good. I only had to wait until the second paragraph for some real action. Yeah! I appreciate that.

-Now look at that. By the third paragraph I'm concerned for the main character-that's quite a feet! Most writers can't acheive that (or just don't know how to). Wait, a minute...I'm not sure I know how to.

Hey! Very good first chapter, MM! Now can you keep this up? I will read on later and let you know.

-Shioi

And this is a non-fictional work, right...because you know I wouldn't be reading this if it were fiction!

Nova;
Royalty rocks! Yeah...the prince was rushed away this time, but next time he's gonna fight...
You like my quotes don't ya?

Shioi;
Thank you for reading my non-fictional *cough* story.

QUOTE

-Hmmmm. Eerie. Evil voices in the wind. Question: if bad guy goes bye-bye, will the weather here improve permanently?

It may...or may not... I'm glad you like this.

Comments on Awakening (chpt. 2)

Heya.

- introduction of new character(we'll get right back to ya, Tahkii, hang in there)

-slipping in some mention of the weather again, I see.

-informative sentence here: "The landscape looked changed-[oh, this must not be home] Napata had to find Wa-koro[oh, that's where he is from] and his Turaga[now that settles it! confirmation].

-nice usage of 'completely', I adore three's.

-I must say, I felt that crack!

-welcome back, Tahkii!

-there's nothing quite like a figure emerging from the shadows. It says so much...

-"We'll need a few minutes." beauty!

-I like this, "wild understanding"

-"Tahkii was not afraid." Yes, I suppose all that knowledge and understanding could be calming.

-switch-a-roo! Hi Napata.

-nice: "He slowed to a soft jog to the gate."

-Oooh...mystery! Now why would that guard fear that language?

-I'm getting dizzy...here's Tahkii. But I can flow with it. I realize you had a lot to establish in this chapter with both characters.

-with all that recent knowledge, filling up his mind...he has not forgotten how to lie. Sounds handy.

Yes! A hero emerges!!!!!!

*end of chapter two comments. See ya next time. This is fun.

-Shioi

This post has been edited by Shioi: Nov 10 2003, 03:29 PM

Well well, another Shioi review.

Napata has always been my main man. In Turn to Evil he stabbed Darkino and saved the day. In The Awakened/The Hunt he was an inventor in Wa-Koro and a Captain in their defense system. I had to let him in. Besides, the grand purpose is awesome.

QUOTE

-I'm getting dizzy...here's Tahkii. But I can flow with it. I realize you had a lot to establish in this chapter with both characters.

The switching ends soon enough.

QUOTE

Yes! A hero emerges!!!!!!

Woohoo?!

QUOTE

See ya next time. This is fun.

Isn't it though?

(Chpt. 3) Escape...we gotta get Tahkii outta there!

-You are very good at completing images (or maybe you just need closure), 'cause you didn't leave us hanging with the torches 'staying angry'. No, you had them go back down again once the source of that anger left the room. Nice.

-Wait! Eight short sentences and we're done already with Tahkii (I'm sure we'll come back to you, Tahkii- I'm sure of it.)

-Hello, Napata!

-Nice descriptive sentence here: "A crackling light caught his attention, a light whose shine danced on the walls."

-Why must you trick us? Here ya go and get everything all suspenceful and foreboding...and then it turns out to be just the Turaga he wants to see. Not nice MM. You are playing with us.

-Hiya, Tahkii. How ya fairin'? Still running, I see.

-Might need some quotes here where Tahkii is talking/thinking to himself: "Once I get to the...Run!"

-Great sentence that follows, "Tahkii bolted out of the bush and ran." Boy, I see that!

-Last 'Nupata' paragragh is confusig me. Hmm. Maybe you want us to be a little confused here. It might be a situation of not wanting to spoonfeed....I'll read on.

So completes chpt. 3 comments.

-Shioi

(Chpt. 4) Venture to the City

(uh...do I have license to go and change Napata's name to Napatu? I think not. I will change that blunder as we speak!)

-Kaloti, hmmmm. Must be key. (just thinking about last paragraph again before I go on.)

-"Sekul fodder" ????????????

-Now there's some major weight! "Our world is on your shoulders" Gee- to be Tahkii right now..."

-I think I'm going to like this dusty sword....

What great juxtaposing, "Tahkii recalled the proper etiquette...no time for pleasantries. He knocked a royal guard over..." That was funny.

-GUARD!!! hehe

-nice: "...asking for more without speaking."

-I'm really liking the prince's lines, very fitting. Overall- good exchange here.

-Tahkii is left with a promise, but will Rakuma be able to deliver?

-New scene! Howdy Kaloti and Napata.

-Wow. Kapati is ahead of the game, "...just for this occasion."

-I would have said the same thing, Napaka, "Cool."

-Will we really be all together soon?

-Weather, weather, weather...when will we have sunny days?

-Next up to bat: Kalota! Now what will he say?

-Brings us to chapter five.

See ya next time!

-Shioi

(Chpt. 5) The Floodgates Open

-And so Kaloti begins....(explanation time!)

-"traitorous Tohunga" ? Who are they! Scum! (oh, Napata asked that same question...nevermind)

-How sad. "I lost that bond a long time ago."

-It's never good to doubt.

-The weather for Kaloti became portent. (The weather has delivered, yes!)

-He so boldly names the two!

-Excitement time. Trumpets!

-The Sebuls have arrived...

-Very clear picture here: "Swarms of the hideous insect-like creatures gushed through the gates, milling over the homes and Hachaians easily." Nice job.

-gross! "gooey parts"

-even grosser! Axe hacking! What is this rated?!

-Boy, that Kaloti is pretty impressive with that electricity thing going on.

-What does Napata know that I don't????????????????????????

(Chpt. 6) Departure

Boy - did you ever kit into gear in this chapter - not immediately though - about a third of the way down...but when you did - you really did! (So this is how you get at 2:00 AM?)

-Ooooooooooooh: "elicidated"

-Starts off with a personable chit-chat with the two main characters. That's fun and I think needed. I t helps us care more about those whoose lives we're following.

-I really like the rhythm of this sentence: "Tahkii and Napata acknowledged this, and, even though Tahkii still had a doubts, they set out on a journey to the temple." (It is just a fun sentence to read, because of your breaking it up with the "and" between commas. I'm going to read it again. )

-Wow, some heavy-duty sadness for Tahkii - no more Rune. Things are getting ugly -but character building stuff.

-This is a beautiful sentence; it says a lot: "Tahkii stood aside, silent, but Napata knew rage was wheeling through his mind."

-Disclosing info through a dream..always a fun ploy.

-Great last paragraph! The fire idea is brilliant, and it adds so much to the scene and transitioning in the Sekul warriors advance.

-Well put: "We have a problem!"

Nice chapter, MM.

And I've enjoyed reading and reviewing so far.

-Shioi

This post has been edited by Shioi: Jan 2 2004, 05:17 PM

Shioi--I'm glad there's so much stuff in my itty-bitty chapters that you enjoy.

QUOTE

-even grosser! Axe hacking! What is this rated?! -Boy, that Kaloti is pretty impressive with that electricity thing going on. -What does Napata know that I don't???????????????????????? Waiting on chapter six.  I've enjoyed reading and reviewing so far, MM.

PG-14.75

Kaloti IS cool. But Korota was better.

Napata knows many things yet nothing.

I've enjoyed your reviews