 To The World's Greatest Dad, a tear jerker. |
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 Jun 12 2008, 10:11 PM
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#1
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 Toa  Group: New Members Posts: 149 Joined: 7-January 07 Member No.: 50510 
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Wow.That was a shock...And a fitting punishment.Can you think of anything worse that having to stare at a wall for all eternity?
Good job.9 1/2 out of 10. --------------------  Bassists Unite! Be Heard! "And for those about to rock, we salute you." ~ AC/DC |
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Jun 12 2008, 11:16 PM
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#2
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 Scavenger Va Group: New Members Posts: 658 Joined: 20-November 06 Member No.: 47942
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That was actually quite good. I sure did not see the end coming.
--------------------  I regret to inform you all, but my time here on BZP is done. I am leaving, most likely not to come back for a while. If you want to contact me, PM me. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." |
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Jun 18 2008, 05:18 PM
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#3
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Inhabitant Group: New Members Posts: 0 Joined: 25-May 07 Member No.: 57680 
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If she had a rapier,then she probably died in battle.
--------------------  Credit to Shadow Kurahk for the awesome banner! |
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Jun 28 2008, 11:38 PM
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#4
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Group: Posts: 0 Joined: -- Member No.: |
That was really good. I never thought of the bad guy in that way before. It shocked me in the ending, where she dies, I had to read it twice to make sure it was there! The part with 'to the worlds greatest Dad' made me actually feel sorry for Makuta.You did a great job on this! I also liked where you added that little bit of humor at the birthday party. I can see Tahu with that fork right now......
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Jun 29 2008, 04:21 PM
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#5
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Group: Posts: 0 Joined: -- Member No.: |
I think I get it, correct me if i'm wrong. Makuta is the father of a toa. The toa was a part of the toa mata. The toa died in battle. Because of this Makuta attacked mata nui and was condemed to sit in a cave.
Anyway great story. 10/10 |
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