Attack Of The Rahkshi!, Feedback Options

[Matthias]

What do you think of my epic so far? Do you like it? It's right here
Please post constructive critisizms and comments.

This post has been edited by NeoLewanuva2K3: Sep 22 2003, 07:25 PM

[Master~Chief]

i like it its really good d do more soon

[Matthias]

Oh more will come alright. This story still has a long way to go.

[Megatoanuva]

Dude!!!!!!!!!!! I love it! I sure somebody read my epic.Anyway,I really like it! I'm going to go back to this epic everyday!


MT-

[HauNuva]

I received your request to read your epic! I have scanned it already and like it a lot. Unfortunately, my brother is going to kill me if I don't get off the computer, so I can't do a full review right now. I promise more later! PM me if I seem to have forgotten.

Once more, it is a very good epic! I have some advice that I'll post with my later review.

-

[MOX]

Man, this is really good! One thing though: comma use. You need to use commas or everything is a run-on sentence and it sounds really bad because it only contributes to the bad grammar on BZ and it sounds like this. So use commas.

[Dark Hunter Lewa...]

This is good!
Destruction of Mata Nui? Noooo! Please don't! Uh-oh, gotta go, my dad is making me do homework, groan.
Lewagirl78

[Matthias]

Thanks for the replies, if there are any problems feel free tyo PM me or post here.

[HauNuva]

Great epic! Here's some feedback....

PROS: The plot was easy to follow and entertaining. The 'interludes' where Makuta spoke were also interesting, making it quite clear what was going on. Your writing style allowed the story to be long but not confusing; you spaced lines and paragraphs out nicely. Overall, a solid, well-put-together epic.

CONS: Your detail was a little sketchy. Remember to describe sights, sounds, smells, vision, and taste. In the battle scenes, you should spend more time explaining what happens; rather than saying 'the disk hit Matoro,' say, 'with a clang of metal and a sudden flash of sparks, the disk crashed into Matoro's armored chest, throwing him to the ground and knocking his breath away.'

Also, you should spend more time working on your characters so they seem more 'realistic.' Describe emotions and dialogue in more detail. Your plot could use some original elements; right now it has only original Bionicle stuff. Come up with some of your own characters and items!

Thank you for calling my attention to this great epic. Pay some more attention to detail, and it'll be truly spectacular. Good work!

-

[Matthias]

QUOTE (HauNuva @ Nov 17 2003, 07:24 AM)

Great epic! Here's some feedback.... PROS: The plot was easy to follow and entertaining. The 'interludes' where Makuta spoke were also interesting, making it quite clear what was going on. Your writing style allowed the story to be long but not confusing; you spaced lines and paragraphs out nicely. Overall, a solid, well-put-together epic. CONS: Your detail was a little sketchy. Remember to describe sights, sounds, smells, vision, and taste. In the battle scenes, you should spend more time explaining what happens; rather than saying 'the disk hit Matoro,' say, 'with a clang of metal and a sudden flash of sparks, the disk crashed into Matoro's armored chest, throwing him to the ground and knocking his breath away.' Also, you should spend more time working on your characters so they seem more 'realistic.' Describe emotions and dialogue in more detail. Your plot could use some original elements; right now it has only original Bionicle stuff. Come up with some of your own characters and items! Thank you for calling my attention to this great epic. Pay some more attention to detail, and it'll be truly spectacular. Good work! -

Thanx a bunch HauNuva, If you want I'll PM you when I've Updated it and Don't worry about new characters, they'll come very soon.